On Attachment

In today’s episode, we’re talking all about discomfort — specifically, why it’s so essential in any healing journey to reframe the way we approach and relate to getting uncomfortable. Most of us recoil at the first sign of discomfort, preferring to stay squarely within the domain of what we know and can control. But this often means we’re confining ourselves to a very limited experience of what’s possible in our lives. We’ll cover:Why we tend to gravitate towards what is familiar and knownHow embracing discomfort builds resilience Physical protocols for exploring discomfort Building our emotional capacity for discomfort Join My Signature Program, Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Have you ever wondered why your relationship struggles persist, even when you love each other and have tried and tried to make it work?In today's episode, I'm sharing three essential ingredients to make a relationship work. These are fundamental pillars of healthy, lasting partnership - and yet, for a lot of people, one or more of these puzzle pieces are missing. We'll cover:the importance of structural compatibility (ie, wanting the same thing)being willing to invest in the relationship and the work it takes to make it thrivethe issue of capacity and how to know when someone can't give you what you're asking for (despite their best intentions)Join Healing Anxious Attachment here! 🎉Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Anxious attachment can be incredibly exhausting - but it doesn't have to govern your future. And in today's episode, I'm going to be laying out the path to healing anxious attachment, walking you through the core pillars of my methodology.We'll discuss the importance of self-regulation and how we can start to build self-trust and safety from within rather than depending solely on a partner to make us feel secure. We'll also delve deep into the core beliefs that drive anxious attachment, and how addressing these stories and wounds can liberate us from the fear of abandonment and feelings of unworthiness. Join My Signature Program, Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Have you ever wondered why it can be so challenging to recover from toxic relationships? Why the drama and unpredictability leave you feeling more disoriented and overwhelmed than relieved? In today's episode, I'm here to guide you through this complex terrain. We'll unravel the dynamics of such relationships and expose the confusion, grief, and shame that often accompany them. It's a hard road, but I'm here to help you navigate through it. We'll dig into practical tools to assist you in the recovery process, and learn how to move on in a healthy way. We'll cover:why we can feel more confused than relieved post-break uphow shame and isolation that can keep us cut off from our support networkswhy closure can be particularly elusive after dysfunctional relationships Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment Heal from your break up, build deep self confidence, and find healthy, aligned lovehttps://www.stephanierigg.com/higher-love Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Unless you're a true outlier, there's a pretty good chance you've had some experience with jealousy. And yet, as universal as it is, jealousy is possibly one of the most maligned emotions we can have. In today's episode, join me on a journey to understand this complex emotion better and explore ways to transform it into a tool for strengthening relationships. We'll explore the various expressions of jealousy, ranging from the healthy to the unhealthy, and shed light on why it emerges, encouraging a perspective of curiosity and understanding over judgement.Today's episode will also be beneficial for those grappling with jealousy resulting from a partner's past wrongdoings. Together, we'll learn how to create a safe space for addressing these feelings and communicating them respectfully. So tune in, and let's redefine your understanding of jealousy in relationships.Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Ever been caught in that tricky situation of setting boundaries with an ex? Navigating this territory can be a daunting task at the best of times, and especially so when co-parenting or shared responsibilities are at play. In today's episode, I'll be sharing some strategies for establishing and upholding boundaries with ex-partners that allow you to prioritise your wellbeing. I'll also share some tips on how to handle emotions that may surface during interactions with an ex, how to manage people-pleasing parts that want to keep everyone happy, and how to extract yourself from addictive but ultimately unhealthy dynamics. Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Ever been stuck in a situationship, that in-between space where you're more than purely casual but not truly committed? In today's episode, we're unboxing this modern dating conundrum. We're peeling back the layers of why we find ourselves in these non-committal scenarios, particularly exploring the attachment drives that can both lead to and exacerbate this dynamic. More importantly, we'll explore how to opt out of this challenging cycle and pave our way towards healthier relationships.Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Are you feeling stuck in the perennial battle between seeking external validation and staying true to your authentic self? In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on how to detach from unhealthy people-pleasing behaviours that ask us to trade our authenticity for belonging and approval. This episode challenges you to take a deeper look into your people pleasing tendencies, learn to channel them more intentionally, and cultivate self-worth and self-respect. The goal? To build an internal foundation that allows us to handle criticism and rejection without losing our sense of self. Listen in as we explore the importance of cultivating conscious awareness around our patterns, discuss how to become more comfortable with who you are, and share practical tips to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Is your anxiety getting the better of you in the early stages of dating? Well, take a deep breath and let's journey together through this episode where we unravel the common anxieties in early dating, particularly for those with an anxious attachment style. We'll delve into the raw aspects of why this period can trigger our deepest sensitivities and how we can make this an empowering voyage of self-discovery. From learning to stay grounded, boosting confidence, to finding joy in the dating process, this episode is a treasure trove of insights and advice.This episode goes beyond mere dating advice. We'll explore:why it's problematic to completely alter your life for someone you've just met, and how it impacts the budding relationship. how to gain clarity about what you're looking for in a partner and a relationship, and how to articulate those needs effectively. the importance of taking things slowhow to get comfortable with the uncertainty that is inherent in the early dating phase. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by the one & only Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT. Stan is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), as well as being a prolific author of several best-selling books such as Wired for Love and most recently, In Each Other's Care. In this episode, Stan joins me to chat with me about how we can experience conflict within relationships in a safe way and really build secure foundations in our relationships. We'll cover:How launching into self-protecting patterns can harm our relationshipsThe concept of secure functioning in a relationshipHow regret can be a powerful teacherThe concept of the couple bubbleFinding acceptance for our partner's imperfectionsUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In the absence of self trust, we see a lot of other dominoes fall in terms of self worth and self respect. This is something almost everyone I work with struggles with to some degree and it’s a challenging piece of the puzzle when it comes to our personal growth in relationships. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 3 tips for building self trust to help you to go out into the world and make aligned choices.We'll cover:Knowing yourself and your valuesTrusting your own boundariesFinding others to sense check Knowing it’s not an instant fixUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today’s episode, I’m continuing my series of answering your questions around the “reasonableness” of certain expectations and requests in relationship, with the goal of helping you build the muscle of discernment and capacity for self trust in navigating these nuances for yourself We'll cover:Is it unreasonable to talk about the future - marriage, moving in, trips away?Is it unreasonable to want my partner to come back within 24 hours after a fight?Is it unreasonable when I ask my partner to think more about me in the relationship?Is it unreasonable after 3 years, wanting my partner to anticipate my needs without me having to request them?Is it unreasonable for me to want to spend 90% of my free time with my partner?Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Unless you’ve married your high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after, you have likely experienced a breakup in your life. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 5 reminders and ways to support yourself while you're going through a break-up.We'll cover:The break-up is going to be hardFinding other support peopleProcessing the break-up in anxious and avoidant waysNot making meaning or assumptionsUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering why you keep attracting the same type of person, this episode is for you. Today I’m joined by Dr Scott Lyons, a holistic psychologist, educator and author, to talk about addiction to drama, and why we may subconsciously seek out chaos and intensity in our lives and relationships (even when we think we're trying to avoid it). We'll cover:Understanding the addiction to dramaCommon characteristics of someone addicted to dramaBig emotions don’t equal vulnerabilityWhat the so-called “spark” really isFinding people who know how to loveFind Scott on Instagram here, or check out his new book Addicted to Drama - https://www.drscottlyons.com/addicted-to-drama-bookUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses & my Higher Love course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

One of the things I’m most often asked is “How do I know if I’m being unreasonable in my relationship?”. This can be a really tough enquiry to determine for yourself, particularly when you’re getting a lot of pushback and self-trust may be lacking. In today’s episode, I’m offering my take on your specific examples as to whether certain expectations, requests or situations are reasonable (or not), to help you to be able to build your discernment muscle and ultimately feel equipped to make that decision for yourself in your relationships.We'll cover:Should someone text me everyday after 1 or 2 dates?Asking my partner to stop speaking to his ex because I compare myself with herAsking my significant other to not like scandalous or seductive pictures onlineAsking my partner to check in with me when they get home safely after drinkingWanting regular sleepovers when my partner sleeps better aloneUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

So much of the content around attachment theory focuses on the challenges that anxious-avoidant pairings can present. And while those challenges are undoubtedly very real, there are also real gifts within an anxious-avoidant dynamic when the individuals involved are prepared to meet in the middle. Today I’m sharing what those gifts can look like, and tips on making the most of your anxious-avoidant relationship so that it can become a space for healing.We'll cover:How different attachment styles respond to stressLeading with compassion and careThe work that needs to be done with both attachment stylesLessons and opportunities within anxious-avoidant relationshipsUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off my masterclasses or the Higher Love course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

This week, I’m answering the community question, “How do I get my avoidant partner to open up?”. I’ll dive into how to pave the way for more genuine, authentic connection and what that looks like for people with avoidant attachment styles and anxious attachment styles within relationships.We'll cover:Preferences of wanting to receive informationTrust wounds in avoidant partnersSelf-serving behaviour that could be impacting this issueInsight into their experienceUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

A couple of weeks ago, I shared my thoughts on if “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true, and today I’m continuing the conversation around the reasons why people cheat in a relationship and getting curious around what’s driving these behaviours. For some people this may be a challenging episode to listen to, so please make sure you’re in the right mindset to listen.We'll cover:Wounds around worthinessDisconnection and lonelinessFeeling like it’s the easy way outBeing seen through rose coloured glassesUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm joined by Vienna Pharaon. Vienna is a licensed marriage & family therapist, creator of the hugely successful @mindfulmft Instagram account, and recently published author of The Origins of You. Vienna has the gift of conveying complex and emotionally dense topics with such nuance. Today she joins me on the podcast to talk about origin wounds and how they impact patterns in relationships as adults and how we can honour our pain and experience.We'll cover:What happens when you hide behind a façade of being "fine"The five origin wounds (worthiness, belonging, trust, safety and prioritisation)Why we might struggle to explore our family dynamicsWhat happens when we avoid being in pain properly Finding peace with the painFind Vienna on Instagram or via her website.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

When you really want a relationship, enjoying being single can be something incredibly challenging. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m diving into how to enjoy being single when all you really want is a relationship.We'll cover:Owning your desire for a loving, healthy relationshipBeing grateful in the presentWhat it means to actually enjoy your life being singleUse the code PHOENIX for $150 off the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com/higher-loveHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I’m sharing five communication and conflict mistakes that I often see people making in relationships and what you can do instead to bridge a positive connection with your partner.We'll cover:Why we shouldn’t avoid the hard conversationsWhat happens when we suppress our emotionsHow to express your desires with your partnerWhy we shouldn’t expect our partners to be mind readers Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Cheating within relationships can cause so much pain, grief and sensitivity around betray and infidelity. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m sharing my thoughts on if people can really change if they’ve cheated in the past and advice for people in the situation with concerns that their partner may not stay faithful.We'll cover:Learning from mistakesThe messy feelings that lead to infidelityTending to needs that aren’t being metExpressing self awareness and regretHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm talking with NY-based coach, teacher and speaker, Connor Beaton about the challenges men are facing in our modern society. Connor and I talk through how understanding the experience of men better, we can cultivate healthier relationships and happier and more fulfilled lives. Note: while On Attachment aims to be as inclusive as possible, this conversation is focused primarily on male-female relationships and the dynamics that can arise therein. We know that's not everyone's experience, so feel free to take from this episode what resonates with you, and leave what doesn't. We'll cover:Numbing out pain from childhood and using unhealthy coping mechanismsStopping the cycle of running away from yourselfWhat it looks like inside a relationship when men are lacking confidence & competenceHow vulnerability can be practised with menWhat makes a great relationshipFind Connor Beaton's work on Instagram (@mantalks), check out his courses and membership on his website, and be sure to purchase his best-selling book Men's Work.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm unpacking the concept of "the one". When it comes to relationships, many of us have absorbed the conditioning that there is some perfect person out there for us - and our only job is to find them. This can lead us down a rabbit hole of doubt, comparison and low self-worth.We cover:why the idea of "the one" is unrealistichow it can lead us to doubt our perfectly normal, healthy relationshipthe unexpected reason why we might seek out "the one"Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips on how to love someone well. So often, we think we are being loving towards someone - when really, we are pursuing our own agenda of loving them with strings attached. We love in order to get something in return, and then feel secretly resentful when things don't go our way. So instead, I'm sharing how to love someone in a way that feels pure and open-hearted.We'll cover:the importance of gratitude voicing appreciation and recognition of someone's contributionhow to accept someone rather than control or change themtaking responsibility for your own happinessstaying curious about your partner's inner worldHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm answering the question of "How do I know if someone is avoidant or just not that interested in me?" This is a question I get A LOT - and the answer might surprise you. I'm going to share a common misconception about avoidant attachment in early dating, as well as some hard truths about why we seek out people whose behaviour leaves us questioning whether they're interested or not. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, we're talking all about nervous system regulation in the context of emotional wellbeing. As many of you know, I'm a big advocate of incorporating bottom-up, somatically focused tools and awareness as part of the bigger picture of growth and healing. And a key piece of that work is understanding how to understand and support your nervous system. We cover:why a healthy nervous system isn't about being calm all the timehow to expand your comfort zone and resilience in a safe, sustainable wayhow to make a daily practice out of nervous system regulationhow to counteract feeling powerless and overwhelmedbuilding a toolkit for nervous system regulation and self-soothingHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm answering the community question of "when is it a good idea to take a break in a relationship?" This can be a really tricky situation, particularly where one person wants to take a break and the other doesn't. In this episode, I share:things to consider & discuss before taking a breakdo's and don'ts of taking a breakexamples of where a break can be healthy & productivenavigating boundaries around taking a break (e.g. around duration, exclusivity, and intentions)Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm joined by Vanessa & Xander Marin. She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, he’s a regular dude, and they recently co-authored their first book Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, which became an instant NYT bestseller. We cover:The five conversations you need to be having about sexNavigating mismatched libido & (perceived) sexual rejection in relationshipsHow emotional intimacy (or lack thereof) impacts sexual intimacyWhat to do when sex becomes a heavy, high-pressure topic in your relationshipHow to bring back fun, play & lightness to your sex lifeFollow Vanessa & Xander on Instagram @vanessaandxander, and tune in to their podcast, Pillow Talks, for totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm answering the question of why healthy relationships can feel boring - especially if you're someone who's accustomed to drama and chaos in your love life. We'll cover:why unhealthy relationships are so addictivethe principle of intermittent reinforcement how to navigate discomfort around stable relationshipshow to get your needs for novelty & excitement met in a healthy way without sabotaging your relationshipHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In this episode, we're talking about how to leave a relationship from the perspective of knowing that you need to. Break-ups are hard - no matter the circumstances - and most of the advice tends to be directed toward people who've been broken up with, rather than those doing the breaking up. We'll cover: why waiting for the "right time" is an illusionhow to support yourself as you prepare for a break-upgrappling with guilt around hurting someonehow to cultivate healthy boundaries throughout the break-upHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "Can a relationship between two anxiously attached people work?". I get variations of this question a lot - basically, why wouldn't anxious and avoidant people save themselves the trouble by sticking to their own kind? Well, as always, it's not quite that simple... We'll cover:why anxious and avoidant people tend to be attracted to each otherthe truth behind why "opposites attract"what happens when two anxious or two avoidant people dateHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

Today's episode is all about the role of criticism in anxious-avoidant dynamics. Both anxious and avoidant people have been known to deploy criticism as a strategy to manage fears and self-protect in relationships - but this will often look different (and be motivated by different drives) on each side. One thing's for sure: no matter how it shows up, criticism is really harmful to relationships - so if this is something you struggle with, you've come to the right place. We'll cover:how anxiously attached people use criticism as a protest behaviour criticism as a way to convey our hurthow avoidant people use criticism to sow seeds of doubt and create distancehow to identify the needs underlying our criticism so we can communicate in a healthier wayHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to navigate an all-consuming fear & paranoia around a partner cheating - particularly in circumstances where that fear is seemingly unwarranted.We'll cover:the importance of nervous system regulation when we experience intense fear & paranoiawhen to talk to a partner about our fearsthe link between fear of cheating and low self-wortha liberating truth about control in relationshipsHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm speaking with Sarah Baldwin - a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach who is trained in Polyvagal interventions and is on the training team at the Polyvagal Institute. Sarah specialises in somatic trauma healing, attachment work, parts and inner child work and nervous system regulation. We cover:why nervous system regulation is the missing piece in so much healing workunderstanding the different states of your nervous systemthe connection between attachment and nervous system regulationhow to distinguish between anxiety and intuitionand so much more!You can find Sarah Baldwin on Instagram (@sarahbcoaching) or at sarahbaldwincoaching.com. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In this Q&A episode, I'm speaking to the common conundrum of what to do when you're feeling stuck in your relationship. This often happens when we've been trying for some time to make changes (or hoping that our partner will make changes), but we're just not seeing any progress. I'll share an unexpected way that you can shift out of low self-worth and hopelessness, and into a more empowered, self-confident state that will allow you to navigate whatever is happening in your relationship with clarity & trust. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In this episode, we're talking all about needs - specifically, looking at some common reasons why you're not getting your needs met in a relationship. It's easy to feel defeated and hurt when our needs are going unmet, but oftentimes there's far more that's within our control than we might think.We'll cover:the importance of identifying your needshow to communicate your needs to your partner mindset blocks around receiving and how these stops you from getting what you needwhat to do if your partner can't or won't meet you in your needsHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to bring up wanting to move in together with an avoidant partner. This episode will be super helpful for anyone in this same situation, or who is otherwise wanting to have a "what are we?" type chat with their avoidant partner.We'll cover:mindset shifts for the anxious partner in approaching these conversationshow to own your desires and feel comfortable voicing themhow best to approach these conversations with an avoidant partnerwhat to do if you're not on the same pageHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In anticipation of the upcoming launch of my signature program Healing Anxious Attachment, today's episode is all about what changes you can expect as you heal your anxious attachment. I'll be sharing 6 shifts that you'll notice as you do the healing work and become more secure within yourself and in your relationships.We cover:learning to observe your anxious thoughts rather than be ruled by themnot feeling the urgent need to fix and problem-solve your relationshiptrusting that conflict isn't a matter of life or deathbuilding your self-worthlearning to enjoy your own companyMake sure you sign up to Healing Anxious Attachment to save $100!Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, we're talking about the difference between privacy and secrecy. Depending on where you sit on the attachment spectrum, you may have a complicated relationship with privacy - both your own and others'. We'll discuss where the line is between privacy and secrecy, and what to do if you find other people's privacy uncomfortable or triggering.We cover:what's the difference between privacy and secrecy?anxious attachment and the need for information to eliminate uncertaintythe trust woundavoidant attachment and protectiveness around privacyimportant caveats where there has been a known breach of trustHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 ways to support a partner with a fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment style. The fearful avoidant attachment style is often considered the most complex and challenging of the attachment styles, characterised by a conflicting push-pull between wanting intimacy and fearing it.We'll cover:the betrayal wound and the importance of honesty & openness in building truststriking the right balance between compassion & firm boundarieshow to make the fearful avoidant feel loved & appreciatedHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In this Q&A episode, we're talking all about moving on after a break-up. Specifically, what to do when we want to move on, but deep down we're still very much hoping our ex will reach out and want to rekindle.We cover:the importance of allowing ourselves to feel our feelings after a break-upwhy we don't need to emotionally let go before moving onhow to take action to support yourself after a break-upYou can download my free guided meditation on finding closure & letting go here. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In this episode, we're talking all about the stages of a relationship - specifically, what happens when we transition from the honeymoon period of a relationship (fuelled by chemistry, romance and infatuation) to the power struggle (where all our flaws and wounds come to the fore).We'll talk about:what each stage of a relationship looks likewhy the transition from honeymoon period to power struggle feels like a bait & switchhow anxious-avoidant dynamics overlay onto this dynamichow you can make the most of the power struggle stage & use it to grow closer as a coupleHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In this episode, I'm answering the question of "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?" We cover:anxious-avoidant sexual dynamicsthe sexual honeymoon period and what happens afterwardwhy avoidant partners withdraw sexually how anxiously attached people use sex for validation Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, I'm offering 6 tips on how avoidant people can become more secure in their relationships. We cover: the importance of getting to know your inner worldlearning to feel safe with healthy interdependency increasing your tolerance for disharmony and conflictgetting curious about your triggers before acting on themcommunicating with words rather than actionsthe benefits of co-regulation for your nervous systemHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing tips for initiating hard conversations with an avoidant partner. This is a question I get a lot - how to express needs to an avoidant partner, how to set boundaries, how to share feedback. These conversations are already intimidating for many anxiously attached folks, and when combined with the sensitivities of the avoidant partner, can be a perfect storm. We cover:how to set yourself up for success in initiating hard conversationsthe importance of a regulated nervous systemtips for reaching a mutually beneficial outcomehow to cultivate greater safety during conflict & challenging conversationsHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In this episode, I'm talking all about perfectionism - but probably not in the way you've heard it spoken about before. Perfectionism is often thought of as a personality quirk - a commitment to high achieving and having things a certain way. But when it comes to relationships, perfectionism can be a powerful protective strategy that keeps us from being seen and known as our authentic selves. We cover:how anxiously attached people hold themselves to standards of perfection as a way to gain and keep someone's interesthow avoidantly attached people use perfectionism & criticism as a distancing strategy to avoid intimacy & vulnerabilitywhat happens when these strategies collide in an anxious-avoidant dynamicHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally." This is a really common pain point for people post-break-up, so don't beat yourself up if you're in this situation (or have been there in the past!)We'll cover:why it's normal to feel hurt by a partner moving on faster than we dowhy it's so important to monitor the stories we tell ourselves post break-upreasons why people process break-ups differentlyhow anxious vs avoidant people tend to move through the break-up periodHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional health & safety in relationships. If you've ever wondered what "emotional safety" actually means, look no further - we'll be discussing some guiding principles and questions you can ask to assess how emotionally healthy your relationship is. And most importantly, what you can do to improve the emotional state of your relationship - because let's face it, this is going to be a work in progress for most of us. We cover:voicing needs, concerns & boundariesnavigating life's challenges as a teamability to safely & effectively repair after conflictfeeling loved, cared for & respectedhow your nervous system can give you insight into your relationship's emotional healthHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website

"We've been together a year and I've just seen he's still using Tinder. Can trust be rebuilt?" Today's episode is a community Q&A, and I'm answering a hard question about rebuilding after discovering a breach of trust. We'll talk through:Things to look for when deciding whether to stay & rebuild after infidelityThe importance of the other person taking ownership & responsibility for the harm caused What it really takes to rebuild trustRecommended resourcesFor a deeper dive on deciding whether to stay or go, check out Episode 19 of the show (Should I Stay or Should I Go?).Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Visit my website