The Overwhelmed Brain

Some people walk around with an underlayer of negativity that doesn't necessarily affect their lives but does affect their level of comfort and happiness. If you find that you talk down to yourself and just can't seem to get past the negative feeling you're carrying around, this episode will help you ask the right questions so that you can start, and maybe even finish, some healing you need to go through.

If you make bad decisions or keep getting results you don't want, it's time to tackle that problem once and for all. If you aren't making decisions based on what's most important to you at the deepest level, you may drive off the cliff one too many times.

Some people are just difficult to be around. They display toxic or hurtful behaviors and they never seem to want to change even when they know you're bothered. You have a choice in how you respond to others. And the choice you make will have an effect on what behavior you get in the future. That's an important choice! And it's also a great topic to talk about today.

Negative events from the past get encoded into our brain so that when we recall them, we can usually remember about when they happened. Because of that, we can actually use time to our advantage to help feel better about those memories, and maybe even get rid of the residual emotional triggers altogether.

There are mental tools you should have in your toolbelt when dealing with snarky or hurtful people. Their goal might be to make you feel bad or guilty, so you may need to find a way to disarm them so that when they try to hurt you with their words, they become confused when you don't react the way you used to. This episode will provide some tools to make communication with toxic people a bit easier while also keeping your power.

Your mental health is too important to let those in denial ignore your suffering and invalidate your experience. The solution to someone's ignorance could be to put the harsh truth in their face. Or it could be to just accept that some people will always be blissfully unaware or in full denial. Acceptance that you can't get through to everyone might be the one reality you can rely on.

There are a lot of unknowns in life. Some unknowns have answers, some don't. Some do, but the person who knows the answers won't share them with you. This episode is about those people and how to deal with the limbo state you might get in when you want the answers but can't get them, and may never get them. You can't walk around in frustration, confusion, and limbo all the time. There has to be a doorway out of those states and it's time to find that door and walk through it. For more episodes, visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

Carrying around emotional baggage weighs you down. It's no way to live. Yet millions of people do live this way. Carrying this kind of weight around with you all your life can keep you from happiness, at least to the extent that it could be experienced if you were able to process and release that old baggage. In this episode, I talk about some of the concepts of self-care and personal growth to help you start the journey of letting go of what no longer serves you.

Some loved ones really want to help you through your challenges. There are those that listen and support you and meet you where you are. Then there are those that have good intentions but fail miserably. It's not that their incompetent, but it could be that they simply have no clue what they're talking about. For more episodes, visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com

The level of happiness and fulfillment you feel on a day to day basis can change based on many factors. One of those factors has to do with the ability to make hard decisions that may involve big changes that you're not ready to face. The fear and pain associated with change can often prevent us from doing what we need to do to increase our quality of life. However, sometimes the lesson is that in order to reach a higher level of satisfaction in life, it might involve scary steps you don't want to take. For more episodes, visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com

You don't want to take the blame but it sure seems like you take it more often than you should. Perhaps there's something a bit more covert going on that you need to know about. In this episode, learn how some people have mastered the art of painting you into a corner. And learn how to counter it too. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes.

Have you ever really learned who you are at a deeper level? Sometimes we walk around doing the things we're supposed to do, but rarely stop to figure out who is doing those things. In this episode, I read an email from a woman who never got a chance to learn who she is because of narcissistic parents telling her who she is all her life. Now that she's a wife and mom, she feels lost. If you're lost, it's time to find yourself. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes.

Are you more judgmental toward those you love? Today I talk about how your judgments can dissolve the love in your relationship and what to do to heal from being judgmental. The road to healing from judging others can be challenging, but the rewards are too rich to pass up. For more episodes, visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

Some people have a strange way of balancing their lives. Some folks will pick up a hobby or hang out with friends. But others may take a darker route. They'll betray their partner or become addicted to drugs or alcohol. You may not see that as balance, but for some people, that's how they get it. There are of course healthier ways to balance your life & your relationships, but in this episode, we're going to talk about the less popular ones. For more episodes, visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

Sometimes honoring yourself around others feels confrontational. The reason is because you may not have honored yourself in front of certain people, so they may not have ever seen you show such self-respect and self-compassion before. If that's the case, you might have to ease others into this new you so that they have an opportunity to adapt. Sometimes this works, other times, you get to find out exactly what they really want from you. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes.

If you're on a road that you believe is never going to end and never going to get better, what do you do? Should you just accept that's your lot in life and you should just accept it? Or do you take a leap of faith in a direction that leads to the unknown in hopes that life will get better? There is always hope, but sometimes it has to be pursued. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes

When someone we love passes, it leaves a hole in our heart and sometimes a lack of closure. It's that lack of closure that keeps us in feelings of guilt, regret and other emotions that we just can't shake. If you'd like to heal and move past those feelings and start living life again, this episode may help you achieve that. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes

Honoring your boundaries isn't always easy. Some people will think you're being a jerk or stubborn. Some will even say that you're changing in a bad way even though it's good for you. Get clear on what you will and won't accept from others and your life will change for the better. visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes.

Emotional triggers are what develop when you go through a traumatic event in your past, then the memory of that trauma stays with you and comes up at different times causing you to feel upset, hurt, or angry, which can affect your relationships and your life. Experiencing an emotional trigger is like PTSD and it needs to be healed if you want a higher quality of life. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes

Cheating and infidelity can be a sensitive topic. You could be a victim to it, you could be the cheater, or you could be the one seeing someone who is cheating on their partner to be with you. No matter what, there is almost always heartache on the other side. It doesn't mean there isn't healing, but there is almost always pain. In this episode, I receive a message from a woman who is seeing someone cheating on his wife to be with her, and I read another message from someone who was once the cheater. Several angles to discuss on the topic of infidelity in this episode. Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for episodes on emotionally abusive relationships.

Sometimes you have to make a decision you know will have an impact on everyone else, even when your decision doesn't really affect them. They just make it their issue when it's really yours alone to deal with. In the first segment, I read a message from a transgender man who had to make a lot of hard decisions in life. In segment two, I talk about the hard decisions you might need to make in your life when you face resistance from those closest to you. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes.

If you've suffered depression and haven't found your way out yet, or you've found your way out but it still sneaks up on you, I share some strategies in this episode that may help you feel just a glimmer of something better. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes.

There are many dysfunctions that can be learned when you're growing up. Many come from trauma, neglect, or abuse, but others can come from seemingly innocent things too. We don't know the full impact our childhood had on us until we're older trying to relate to other people that aren't those we grew up with. In this episode, I read an email from someone who has learned a lot about her childhood dysfunctions and how she is finding her way out of them. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

I read two emails today. One on getting ghosted while dating. A young woman cannot find someone to continue dating because they keep disappearing! And the second segment is about forgiveness and wanting to hate but stopping yourself because of your values or spirituality. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes.

Getting that job, buying that house, moving in with that person, promising to repay a debt... all commitments that that most of us go into with good intentions but is it required to keep them no matter what? Some commitments may need to be re-evaluated to make sure the same criteria still applies. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes.

Taking a stand or protesting an injustice in your life isn't always about being aggressive. Often, it can be a peaceful objection that helps you move toward honoring yourself. Sometimes you have to take a bigger stand, even at the risk of loss. In this episode, I receive an email from someone who didn't appreciate my comments from the previous "Take a stand" episode so I talk about taking a stand even more today.

I read three emails that dive into awkward feelings when interacting with others, deciding whether to settle for someone who doesn't know what they want in a relationship, and someone who wrote to me saying that they are lonely and depressed. Lots of variety makes for a packed show. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes.

The challenges of today seem greater than ever. Emotions are running high and we can become triggered easily. What do you do with all this pent up energy? If you're not using it to fight for a cause or help you out of a dangerous situation, it may be festering inside you causing you to feel pretty rotten. In this episode, I give you questions that you can ask yourself to get out of the whirlwind of negativity and into a calmer space inside you. visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes.

Obsessing about your ex wastes all your time and keeps you in a rut that you can't get out of until you take hard steps to disconnect from them completely. That involves a lot of will power and a lot of knowing that you are amazing, worthy and lovable. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes

There is a way to deal with mean family members. It may involve treating them like other people instead of family, which can help you disconnect from wanting to impress them or be loved by them. Or if you're not trying to do that, and you're just trying to get along with them, you might have to dive further into your bag of tools. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com and https://loveandabuse.com for more episodes.

When you're in a situation that needs to change, but you're too afraid to take a stand or just hope it changes on its own, you may be waiting forever. Unfortunately, waiting for changes can often involve exposing yourself to a toxic environment, causing long-term emotional damage. If you want change, you might have to take a big scary step to get it.

When you can't find meaning and purpose in your life and you're not sure what your next steps are, and perhaps you're feeling antsy or anxious about those next steps, sometimes you have to think outside yourself and figure out what really brings you meaning. I keep the existential very practical in this episode, so maybe it's the trip you've been wanting to take for a while. Visit theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes.

If you love someone, can you set them free to the point where they hit bottom? Sometimes the bottom is the only way back to the top. Tough love exists for a reason and sometimes it is the only way to see true change in someone who is being self-destructive. At that same time, it's important to define what love really is and if you are showing it and receiving it in a way that is healthy for everyone. It's not always easy to love, but it can be extremely rewarding when you have the right formula. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ and https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes on relationships

Ever have someone just not take a liking to you? When that happens, do you brush it off and move on with your day? Or do you brood about it wondering what you did wrong and what you can do right to make them like you? Is it okay to not be liked? I talk about that and more in this episode. visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com and https://loveandabuse.com for more episodes

Sometimes when you're in a relationship with someone, you might not know where it's going or if it will even make it. I prefer taking action instead of waiting for things to happen. In this episode, I share some ways to take action when there's a decision to be made about the relationship. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ and https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes on relationships

When you're doing the work, but the people around you aren't, and you are hoping, wishing and even praying that they "see the light" and make the changes that will be good for them, but they simply don't or won't work on themselves, what's your next step? That's the subject of today's episode. visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain and https://loveandabuse.com for more episodes.

The emotional challenges you experience after breaking up with a narcissist usually go way beyond grieving the end of a relationship. You can be stripped of your ability to see life clearly from that point on unless you heal. In this bonus episode, I cover a lot of ground when it comes to dealing with what happens to your mind and body as you transition out of one of the more toxic relationships that exist. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com and https://loveandabuse.com for more episodes about this and more subjects.

When you get a second chance at a job, relationship, or anything that you wanted a do-over on, what's the best way to show up? Do you try to impress and show others how much you've changed? Or does that actually work against you? Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes and check out https://quietbegins.com for The SAFE System on Anxiety

When someone treats you badly, you can hold on to the emotions of that moment... forever. That diminishes your feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction and can linger with you even on your happiest days. It's time to address those emotional triggers that sneak up on you and ruin your day. Websites: The Overwhelmed Brain Difficult Relationships: Love and Abuse

What is the right thing to do or say when your adult child tells you about their sexual abuse? I read an email from a mom who recently learned that her adult daughter was abused by another child when she was young. I bring my girlfriend Asha, an advocate for the prevention and healing of child sexual abuse, into a conversation about this topic for an honest, heartfelt discussion & guidance for the mom. Prevention & healing websites: https://helpforsurvivors.org https://thefionaproject.org The Overwhelmed Brain website: https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com The Love and Abuse website for emotionally abusive relationships: https://loveandabuse.com

When your top level values are being met in your relationships, the rest of it usually works out. When they aren't, you suffer and the relationship often fails. Every relationship, whether it's platonic, romantic, or family, contains components that make up what we value. Trust contains confidence and honesty whereas distrust contains fear and stress. I talk about that and read a few emails making for a variety show today. Get more TOB at https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com Learn how to deal with difficult relationships at https://loveandabuse.com/

We're all in relationships of some sort, but how happy those relationships are will depend a lot on what you're willing to allow and unwilling to accept. What you allow into your relationships sets the tone for the rest of the time you are with these people. If you allow toxic behavior, life will feel pretty miserable. Relationships require you to have some courage to stand up for what is right for you. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more content on behavior and relationships. Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ if you are having difficulty in your relationship. #emotionalintelligence #selfhelp #personalgrowth #lifeishard #personaldevelopment #selfhelptools #beyourself #authenticity #unlimitedpotential #motivational #youareamazing

You know that feeling you get when someone does something that surprises you in a bad way but they don't tell you why? When you aren't given the reason for their behavior, you may walk around with that unfinished business feeling . It's what happens when you really want to move on from an event in your life but just can't seem to get past the fact that you don't know why it happened. It's a tough place to be, but it needs to be resolved if you're going to move on and enjoy life again. Visit theoverwhelmedbrain.com For help in navigating the difficult relationship, visit loveandabuse.com

Carrying around dysfunctions from childhood makes all your interactions harder and your life tougher. Add to that anyone that says anything critical to you, and any negative feelings you have about yourself are amplified. It's time to access a part of yourself that helps you feel good about yourself - maybe even great.

Long-distance dating can be more challenging than doing it in person, but should it contain anxiety, worry, and being completely unsure if it's even a relationship at all? Someone wrote to me and asked me about anxiety while dating during the pandemic. However, perhaps the answer has nothing to do with the Corona virus and more to do with the person she is trying to connect with.

Can you get back up after a big fall? If you're struggling to do so, your foundation may not be as stable as you'd hoped. The components that make up your life: Your job, your family, your home, the city you live in, your car, etc, all have some sort of meaning or value to you. When you start to let go that which no longer serves you, you start to free yourself from the toxic components. What do you value and what gives you heartburn every time you think about it? Sometimes removing one small thing from your life can make a big change.

What do you do when peace and happiness are just around the corner, but getting there is full of toxic obstacles that you feel powerless against? There may be priorities and values in place that need to be changed, but that's not all. When you don't make the changes you need to make, you end up holding on to resentments and building a wall around your heart so that you connect less and are more unhappy in general.

Social anxiety and feeling awkward in social situations is more normal than you might think. Not everyone is a gregarious extrovert that can start a conversation with anyone. If you're dealing with social anxiety, fear of judgment from others, or loneliness, and you feel like you're not living life to the fullest, this episode may be what gets you through the challenges. Get the SAFE Empowerment System for Social and Generalized Anxiety at quietbegins.com

There's a path out of misery that some people don't take because of fear. But when the misery never ends, why not take that path? The gain is usually far greater than the loss. I talk about that path in this episode. I begin today's episode talking about the coronavirus and what you can do when you don't know what to do.

There are many situations that show up in our lives that challenge us. Sometimes we are able to act authentically and have our truth motivate us to take the right steps. Other times, fear drives us to hold back what we really want to say or do, prolonging our challenges and keeping us from moving forward. The choices you make in crucial, challenging moments such as this can define your entire life, let alone predict your future level of happiness.