The Overwhelmed Brain

If you are cynical about people and feel vulnerable and exposed around most people you meet, perhaps it's time to address that in yourself so that you walk around in confidence. It takes courage and risk, but not at the cost you may think.

Are you just too sensitive or is the other person really being a jerk? I read a follow up email from an episode a few weeks back and answer a question about the difference between being triggered and someone's bad behavior. In segment two, I change it up and talk about child sexual abuse and what might happen when the family secret is found out.

When you're needy and fearful of someone leaving you, or something ending, you tend to miss all the best moments of life. Fear of abandonment can dominate your thoughts causing you to miss out on happiness and fulfillment. When you grow beyond that fear, you might actually starting enjoying life again.

This episode is about selfishness. When you are interacting with people that only want what they want, regardless of how it affects you, you're in for a very dysfunctional, and possibly emotionally harmful situation. It's important to know your line and know when people cross it, then honor that line so that you don't lose a bit of yourself.

Creating a relationship with yourself is the first part of the bigger picture of having great relationships in your life in general. But what happens when fearful people think you're starting to enjoy being yourself too much and are afraid that you'll go off and leave them behind? You start by getting to know yourself, then being unafraid to be yourself, then learning how to deal with others who aren't so ready for your happiness. It's a packed episode.

If you're always looking in the rear view mirror, it's quite possible you're not creating the life you want. Sometimes you get to the tipping point where you just can't stand it anymore and you take action. On segment two, there's a seriously difficult decision facing someone who wrote to me who is married but wants to explore being transgender, but his wife is upset and the marriage is in limbo. The impossible decision looms over him.

When you have a challenge that causes you stress and you want to make the right decision, you may need to dive in a little deeper to get a good answer. Whether you're preparing for what you know will be a difficult time, or you're helping someone else with their problem, there's a way to get to access that inner wisdom for a possible solution.

The feelings of jealousy or envy can quickly take over when someone else gets what we want, or succeeds at something we're trying to accomplish. There's a choice we make in that moment: To be upset and feel defeated, or be inspired to try harder and make something happen. What you choose determines whether you win or lose.

Will you ever have enough love, or enough money, or enough time, or... When you're always trying to get more but never seem to get ahead, it's time to figure out why that is. I talk about that and more in this first episode of 2020.

If you could loosen the grip old emotional pain has on you, do you think you'd feel better and be happier? Whether you're holding on to old negative feelings or you've discovered past emotional wounds, this episode will help guide you to your first step toward healing.

It's important to bounce back from the setbacks and always move forward so that you aren't drowning in the anger, sadness, or upset from the past. Sometimes even present circumstances can be enough to stall your forward momentum. This is why it's vital to make sure you recharge your personal power so that you are no longer a victim to the world and can start taking charge of your life.

Are you really angry at the person standing in front of you? Or is that past unresolved trauma coming up in the moment adding tension and making your loved ones not want to be around you (or you around them)? With holidays and other gatherings, it's a good time to talk about what to do with those repressed triggers that are lying in the deep recesses of your mind.

So you did something you regret and now you walk around feeling guilty... that has to end. Guilt isn't something you keep, it's supposed to be a message that disappears after you've learned the lesson. If you carry guilt, it's time once and for all to let it go.

Sometimes it's a choice, sometimes you don't want it at all, but at one time or another, you're alone. Even when someone you love is right next to you, there are times you still feel alone.

When you go through any type of self-improvement, there will be people that won't support your growth, and there will be those who love that you feel good about yourself and are becoming happier. Those who don't support you improving yourself and making changes that are good for you want you to stay the same so they don't have to adapt to the new you. Those that do support you are just happy that you're happy. I'll give you one guess which ones create the most conflict in your life. Whether its gatherings during the holidays or just regular get togethers, it's time to make a choice about who you're going to be when you see those people again.

What lurks inside the depths of your emotional state that is conjured up when you are triggered? What happens when someone pushes you over the edge? Do you keep your composure or do you lose control? The unhealed emotional space inside you tends to come out in triggered moments. It's time to heal what's left unresolved so that you get the results you want instead of the ones that come from "losing it".

When you dread that phone call or personal visit with family that you hope goes well but never does, it's important to learn how to establish boundaries. You don't want to spend most of your time in anxiety waiting for the next family reunion. Toxic family can make life hard. Not being able to avoid toxic family can make it even worse. Hopefully this episode gives you some tools that help you survive those dreaded family gatherings once and for all.

We can get so good at convincing ourselves how broken or terrible we are sometimes. In fact, some of us go through life thinking that there must be something wrong with us because why else is our life turning out as it is? This is a deep episode that covers a lot, so be prepared to be empowered to learn just how not broken you are.

Challenges are inevitable. They are impossible to avoid. And when you manage to avoid them, do you really learn what you need to in order to get through the next one? You can spend your whole life avoiding challenges, but will you ever feel liberated from the stress and anxiety of life if you do so? I tackle those questions in today's episode.

Is it possible to argue with love and respect for the other person? What if they can't but you can? If you ever feel small or are made to feel inferior after an argument with a loved one, it's time to learn what to do when it goes too far.

What happens when you can imagine what would make you happy, but you can't have it in the real world? Sometimes you have to tolerate the bad to get to the good, and sometimes you just have to get away from the bad altogether.

Sometimes you don't have a coach or therapist around to walk you through the challenges. When you are experiencing a negative emotion, there are questions you can ask yourself to reach a new level of processing and healing. The work of Byron Katie plays a role in this episode as I talk about "The Four Questions" from her writing on "The Work".

If you can't ever seem to win an argument with a certain person in your life, or you feel like you can never get closure on an issue because that person keeps turning it back on you, this episode will give you some tools to use next time you feel like you're losing your power.

When your boss is a jerk, do you still go to work? Most people do, but then what? You continue to accept your boss's bad behavior and just pretend you're not affected? This episodes provides great communication tips not just for your superiors, but for anyone in your life that might just be very difficult to deal with. Free career resources at theoverwhelmedbrain.com/career/

Several major components need to exist in a relationship in order for jealousy to take control. When there's jealousy between you and your partner, there is almost always a decrease in love and connection, and an increase in unhappiness and anxiety. It's time to put jealousy to rest once and for all.

When you have issues with sex in your relationship, and you don't discuss it with your partner, your relationship suffers. Or if you do discuss it and you can't reach a resolution, you will feel it throughout your time together and never be as happy as you could be. Also in this episode, I read an email from someone who disagreed with my advice.

The key to long-lasting happiness and fulfillment is about ten percent luck and ninety percent of what I talk about in today's episode. If you struggle in your relationships, your job, or life in general, you may be sabotaging your own path to success. Start making decisions based on what's most important to you instead of from a fear of the consequences and you'll end up with a vastly different reality.

Relating to other people is the majority of how our life is spent, so what do you do when you can't relate? I cover a lot of topics in this episode, from trying to not upset the balance of a difficult relationship to learning how to not compromise yourself when it comes to creating balance in any relationship. Welcome to the grab bag email episode.

What can you do when you really want to change a person or a bad situation but can't? What if you know someone is awful to be around and unhealthy for you, but you can't get them out of your life? In this episode, I give you five steps you can take to learn what it takes become just a bit happier even when impossible people and things are in the picture.

How big of a leap do you have to take to create real change in your life? Is every step a leap of faith that causes you to carry around fear and stress all the time? Can you take baby steps to heal and grow into the person you want to be, creating the life you want? I explore that in this episode.

Guilt should be a temporary emotion yet so many people hold on to it for far too long. In today's episode, guilt takes center stage, but I spend time talking about how to make the right life choices when it comes to allowing or not allowing the challenges at home interfere with your professional life. I end the show talking about a very effective anti-anxiety technique that I use when I need a quick fix.

It can be so hard to stop replaying fears or trauma from the past or anxiety about the future, but if there was a an alternative to obessively replaying the same negative throught over and over again, would you try it? What if it was ridiculous? What if it was effective? Only one way to find out.

Sometimes you have people in your life who regard you and your feelings as unimportant and below theirs. When you agree with their assessment that you are less important or inferior in some way and don't deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, you start to disintegrate your worth and self-esteem.

What do you do when someone you believe cares about you doesn't stand up in your defense? What if there's a wrong they don't right and you are stuck taking the fall? The subject of today's episode is all about what we expect from others and perhaps, what we shouldn't.

When your thoughts make you feel bad because you believe you shouldn't have them, you might repress them and stuff them back where they came from. However, doing this may be exactly what keeps those negative, intrusive thoughts alive.

You can lose your confidence, energy, and mental and emotional strength when you allow certain unhealthy elements into your life. In this episode, I'll share the important principles that, when practiced, allow you to keep your power and be more fulfilled overall.

One way you can experience inner conflict is when you feel undecided in what to do next. Sometimes we can feel split: A part of us wants to do one thing while another part of us wants to do another. What if those two parts of our mind could work things out? That's what this episode is about.

Making decisions that are right for you involve some scary moments. Some of them are giant leaps of faith with no view of the landing. When you make these leaps, you reach a new level inside you that shows others that you care about yourself enough to take risks for your own empowerment. This is an important episode if you find yourself in a rut of negativity.

Being bullied when you were younger can create unresourceful behaviors and unnecessary fears when you're older. In order to get past these fears, you may have to do some work on yourself.

How do you enable the bad behavior of other people? What actions are you taking that are causing certain people in your life to show up in a way that is toxic or unhealthy? It's very difficult to end codependent relationships, especially when you don't even realize you're in one. This is an important episode if you just can't seem to shake the unhealthy behavior of those close to you.

Passive aggressive behavior is a way to convey anger and upset to someone indirectly. It takes the form of comments that are meant to hurt, but hard to spot as hurtful. They are forms of poisonous communication that can erode love and connection. This episode will give you some tools to deal with passive aggressive behavior and general negativity.

Anxiety is the excessive worrying about future events, based on a story that you tell yourself. However, it's hard to change the story when you actually believe it will happen. On top of that, the more you believe it will come true, the more likely you'll experience a panic attack. Today I share with you how I've overcome anxiety and panic attacks. My methods may be a bit unorthodox, but you might be surprised how effective they are. For help with your anxiety, visit quietbegins.com

Dysfunctions typically don't serve us, they usually get in the way. People pleasing, super perfectionism and responsibility, allowing personal boundaries to be crossed, and so many more behaviors can be obstacles to fulfillment and joy. Some people go their entire lives without being able to get rid of their dysfunctions. So perhaps it's time to utilize them to your advantage and stop chasing the dream of "normal".

When someone puts you down by criticizing or making you feel bad, is their criticism accurate? Do you believe it to the point where you can't let it go? When you get into alignment with yourself morally, ethically, and sometimes even legally, you feel good knowing you are doing the best you can. And when someone tries to come along and knock you down, your solid foundation will keep you up, or at least help you get on your feet faster.

It's hard to enjoy life if you are weighed down with the belief that something bad is going to happen. How can you appreciate today if you believe tomorrow will bring misery? There is a path to a better today. This episode will give you some tools to make that happen.

Wouldn't it be great to be able to release the negative feelings that come up after someone upsets you? Or after you do something stupid and start all that inner dialogue? You shouldn't have to walk around for days or weeks carrying around the emotions you don't want. Learning to purge the unwanted emotions in the moment might make for an entirely different type of life altogether.

What do you do when you're partner does something you don't like? Do you stay focused on their behavior and try to make them change it? Or do you shift your focus on what you can control and do what you can for yourself so that your partner can no longer use the excuse that you're giving them a hard time? Jealousy, self-worth and self-esteem make an appearance in this episode. Sometimes the people we love do things we hate.

If you are driven by a fear of being alone and choose to repress your thoughts and feelings, avoiding conflict and trying to keep the peace, you'll find your relationships slipping into the abyss. The ones you are closest to should be the ones you can express anything to.

If you show compassion toward someone who then takes advantage of that compassion, do you back off on being kind, helpful, and accommodating? Or do you try even harder by showing them even more compassion in hopes they will finally "see the light"? In order for compassion to work, it has to come from an even deeper place of compassion in you... not for others, but for yourself. Then, when you are abundant in self-compassion, you will be able to show genuine caring and compassion for others with no drain on you.

If your partner were having an emotional affair, would you know it? What would happen if their ex came into the picture, and they shared laughs and quality time together, would it bother you? Today is jam packed with a lot of lessons about this subject and many more relationship issues you may run into.