The Overwhelmed Brain

It should be celebrated when you start honoring yourself and standing up for yourself. It should be seen as a gift you give yourself that leads to happiness. But some people see your empowerment as a threat and aren't ready for you to change. When that happens, you might have to start changing the rules to show others just how worthy of healthy behavior you are.

Sometimes the friendship is so great, you wish you could feel this way all the time. So perhaps the thought of taking the friendship further comes to mind. But are they interested in you? And if they aren't, will the friendship be awkward moving forward? Also, is there a way to tell that perhaps it's a good or bad idea to move forward with a relationship? Whether you're in a relationship or not, this episode has something for everyone.

A toxic relationship is one where at least one person is hurtful to another when there is supposed to be love, kindness, respect, and support. A woman wrote to me and said she was in a toxic relationship for far too long and is now trying to figure out how to forgive herself and move on. That's a great idea. I do my best to help her do that in this episode. We talk about that and more so I hope you get a chance to listen to the whole thing.

A listener was told she was passive-aggressive and she didn't realize it. She asked how to identify it in herself and how and why it comes about. I address this great topic in today's episode. I also talk about a very difficult situation where a disabled partner is also an abusive partner and his wife doesn't know what to do about it. It's a packed episode today.

If you acted badly toward someone in your past, is it a good idea to reach out and apologize years later? What if they're a past romantic partner you hurt and they've moved on, do you think they'll want to hear from you? I try to answer that question and also talk about judgment in relationships in this packed episode.

A woman blocks her mom because of her years of toxic behavior. When she unblocks her, the mom reaches out, never mentioning being blocked, and never apologizing or taking responsibility for her hurtful behavior. Is it time to accept someone like that back into your life? What if they send you gifts but no apology? Is it worth taking the risk? I talk about that and more in this packed episode.

When you say what you mean, you get a lot more done than most people because you leave little room for interpretation. Is there a way to do this elegantly and effectively so you don't sound like a total jerk? Sometimes when you show up as the person you want to be, some people may not want you to be who you are. I talk about that and apologizing for messing up when things have been going so well.

When you are mistreated in some way and made to feel less than dirt, do you accept that you are as you are treated or that you are as you choose to be? Don't let other people's perceptions of you define you. Hold yourself to a certain standard and watch everyone else change or leave. It's not easy, of course. But it is very useful.

If you're waiting for someone to make a decision so that you can figure out which direction to go, you might be waiting a while. Some people are very comfortable in their indecision and don't mind how long they stay in the rut. Sometimes they never decide and that means there's a point where you have to move because they never will. I talk about that and also talk about apologies and forgiveness, which can sometimes go hand in hand with being in a rut.

What do you do when someone you care about tells you a secret that affects other people you care about? Do you follow your heart or your values? Does your moral compass activate and make you express the secret to those who should know? A dilemma like this seems like it has no real good answer.

I got a letter from someone who is being stalked online by her ex-boyfriend's wife. She has nothing to do with this person, yet she is a target. Is there a way out of this crazy mess? In segment two, I talk about a message I received about making a decision on the relationship after feelings change. This is a packed episode.

When you're always "on," it means you put on your game face in every interaction with others. It's like being in customer service and having to smile at every single customer that walks in the door. Do this all day and you'll probably want to crawl inside your shell when you get home. In today's episode, I talk about what this is like from celebrities to baristas to anyone that feels like they need to be "on" all the time.

Pretending is draining. When you're unwell and you show the world you're doing great, you lose energy, dissolve relationships, and turn people off. This episode is about learning what a pretender is to help you avoid sabotaging your own path to happiness.

When someone plays head games with you, they're not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps they are lying altogether. The problem is, you can't always pinpoint what they're doing, you just know something's not right. What to do... I try to tackle that today.

There's a point where you've left the nest and started living your own life. But some parents haven't let you go. Some tell you how to live your life. Some are just toxic and won't leave you alone or stop telling you what to do. And some just don't want to let go of the parenting role because they think you can't handle life. There's a point you have to help them let you go.

When it comes to relationships, I think it's best to support the other person as much as possible. The trick is doing so while you disagree with what they're doing. Choosing to instead reject or deny what they want to do for themselves could lead to tension and changes of behavior you may not like. Is it best to sacrifice who you are for them? Or can you reach a compromise? Sometimes even supporting someone you love isn't enough.

Sometimes a friendship takes an unexpected turn. Who you thought was your bestie suddenly leaves you out of an important event in their life or doesn't share things they used to share with you. What's going on in that case? Have they changed? Are they suddenly unhappy with you? I talk about that and also read a message from someone who is looking for the mental fortitude to create forward momentum in his life. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes

The pressure that builds inside you when you don't say or do what you really want to say or do has to come out. Holding on to negativity is like keeping your hand on the hot stove and expecting not to get burned. You can express and release the negativity on your terms, or it can surprise you by coming out around people you love later. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes

We can be so critical sometimes, especially toward people we love. Is it necessary to continue being judgmental or critical toward people that never change? Is it our job to change them? Judgments really have no place in relationships but when they are there, they almost always lead to disconnect and resentment. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes

When the life you have looks a lot less appealing than the life you could have, you may have lots of feelings about it. You may even obsess about it. What can you do about these thoughts? Is it time to give up and give in to a mundane life, or can you reconnect with the way you used to feel? Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes

When you meet someone and instantly feel love at first sight, like they're your "soulmate" or "the one," it's possible that not only are they not the one, but they may actually be the one person you want to get away from in a few months. There are many caveats to meeting someone you have an instant connection with. I talk about that and more in this episode. For more episodes, visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/podcasts

You might take the fall for a lot of things that happen when you probably don't need to. Sometimes, that's a kind thing to do. But when it happens more often than not, especially with certain people, you're probably in a toxic (tox-sick) situation that needs to be resolved. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes

Is saying "I didn't mean it," a good excuse for bad behavior? Some people can be out of control due to drugs or alcohol, so they might do stupid things when they don't really mean to do them. However, should you ever allow the stupid or hurtful things that people do slide? Should you ever give a free pass to someone for unintentional bad behavior? Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/ for more episodes.

If you tend to suppress your thoughts and repress your emotions, and put on a smile to show the world, you might be on your way to depression and anxiety. If that's your goal, don't change a thing! However, if you want to change that trajectory, it might be time to make different choices that empower you. For more episodes visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/podcasts

Honoring yourself doesn't have to be about hurting someone else. It's not about making them feel bad, it's about expressing to them what makes you feel bad and what you will and won't accept for behavior. Problems arise when you choose to become hurtful toward them instead of focusing on your own needs. This can turn emotionally abusive really fast. Sometimes it feels like we have no choice, but there's almost always a choice. You just have to know how to make the right choice so that perhaps the relationship isn't destroyed in the process. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes

Arguments are never fun. When you both take a stand to make your points, it can lead to some heated exchanges. You can recover from a heated exchange. But when the argument takes a turn to insulting and belittling words, the chances of recovery and the quality of the relationship decreases. https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

Sometimes you have to let things go and take a new road in order to find a sense of peace and comfort inside yourself. The new road may come with a high price that has an even higher reward. Are you going to pay the high price for the reward, or take a longer path that involves a bit more mental labor? They are both challenging but they both lead to an outcome that is worth the journey. https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

The pain of loss shouldn't be stuffed down and avoided, it should be felt at the deepest level, but only when you're ready and only at the pace you can handle. Everyone experiences loss differently so what works for one person may not work for you. In this episode, I help you connect with the deeper layers underneath the loss so that perhaps there can be some small release or relief. This isn't about healing, it's about connecting. And sometimes that's all that's needed to start healing. Visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com for more episodes

Whenever you deal with an event that upsets you in some way, if you stuff an emotion down and never deal with it then or later, you're going to experience a diminishing of your overall level of happiness and satisfaction in life. Repressed emotions do not disappear until they are dealt with in some way. Physical pain can even develop from unresolved negative emotions and alter your life significantly, so it's always good to address them sooner than later.

Waiting for someone to change is often a waste of time. They can promise and tell you they're working on it, but are they? Has anything changed in the past day, month, or year? Or do things seem eerily familiar day after day? Sometimes we sabotage our own path to happiness waiting for someone to follow through on a commitment they said they'd do. When they don't however, what's your next step?

We all know that anger and upset can hide so many emotions that you may not even know what's under there. If you become emotionally triggered and wish you didn't, learning which questions to ask yourself so that you can get to the heart of some deeper, repressed emotions may be the path to feeling better.

Sometimes life can take you in a direction you don't want to go. But you don't always have to end up with the bottom-of-the-barrel results you may get. It might take some planning and some scary steps, but there is a way to alter the course of your life for the better. If life is a bit too complex, it might be time to correct your course and find another way.

There's always someone that's harder to deal with than most other people in your life. And when you have to deal with them, do you have all the self-empowerment tools at your disposal to get through the interaction unscathed? Whether you do or not, practice makes perfect. This is a jam-packed episode filled with your practice steps to self-empowerment so that difficult situations aren't so difficult.

Sometimes becoming happier in life involves taking huge steps that seem so scary when you're going through them, but come with the reward of increased self-worth and self-esteem. And when you take that leap of faith, a whole lot more good stuff usually comes with it.

If you know that a difficult or even toxic person in your life is not doing the best they can to show up in a way that tells you they're at least trying to improve themselves in some way, maybe they are not capable. At least, not at this time. And sometimes we have to see people for who they are today, not who we or they believe they will become tomorrow.

Some people will lash out and rebel when they feel like they aren't being heard, or they're holding something back from the past. They swallow anger, sadness, and more, and that can turn into depression or the ultimate expression of bad behavior. Children are experiencing the world for the first time, pushing boundaries, and figuring everything out. The good news is that it is a very exciting time. The bad news is that it can be quite stressful for both the children and the parents.

Sometimes we're stuck with someone that doesn't have our best interest in mind. Not only that, they may even have a not-so-pleasant plan to make us miserable. What do you do with the toxic person that doesn't want to, or can't, change? Is there hope when you're in what seems like a no-win situation?

It can get tiring trying to do the right thing, be the right person, and say what you're expected to say. On top of that, when you try, it can sometimes feel as if the world has turned against you, and now you're a lone ranger tackling all the challenges on your own. Can you catch a break from this? Is there a way you can show up where the world doesn't send you so many challenges? It's a great topic to explore. more episodes at theoverwhelmedbrain.com

Should family, no matter how toxic they are, be in your life because of your relationship with them? Some people are so emotionally dangerous to be around that unless you distance yourself, you will always suffer when they are around (and even when they aren't).

Emotional affairs almost always lead to pain. They are a betrayal of trust and an escape from the conversation you should be having in your relationship. Sometimes you have to bring up the hard truths so that those involved have an opportunity to find solutions or closure. Either way, it's easier to deal with a hard truth today than string someone along until it comes out in another, more painful way later.

Some people have so much self-confidence that they carry themselves in a way that might put certain people off. Those confident in themselves can be kind, respectful, supportive, and caring, yet their personality can still rub people the wrong way. In this episode, I talk about what might be happening. I also go over how the way you make decisions can lead to self-confidence. If you've been working on that in yourself, this episode could be helpful.

I read three emails from people in three different circumstances. The first one is a troubled marriage where the wife doesn't know why she is staying and can't figure out how to make the decision to leave. Segment two is about dealing with the victim mentality and what questions you can ask a chronic complainer in order to get them to do something about what they're complaining about. Segment three is about a wife who discovered her husband watches porn and since then their once happy, amazing marriage is now in shambles with little hope for the future. Lots to talk about in this episode!

Self-worth and happiness is a right. It should be something you proudly claim without fear. Yet, so many people have trouble believing they are worthy, or worse, worthy of happiness. It's time to clear the path of obstacles blocking your worth and happiness so that you can feel good in your own skin again.

When you sign up for a relationship, you sign up for who they are now but are you signing up for who you hope they'll be as well? Are the expectations that should be met when it comes to a relationship? And if they aren't met, do you have every right to demand they be met, "or else?" Sometimes we need to revisit the contract we signed getting into a relationship and what it means for us if who we thought they were isn't really who they are.

The past can wreak havoc on the present, especially on your relationships. If therapy, reading, watching videos, and learning all you can about how to improve and heal isn't working, sometimes you need to dig so deep that break down the wall that's hiding the true source of pain underneath. At that point, healing can begin.

Is true love supposed to last throughout your life? Should you feel love for those that have wronged you in some way in previous relationships? Is it healthy? Having that loving feeling for previous partners in your life can raise questions in current relationships. It's a good idea to get clear on what your best course of action is.

The relentless pursuit of power over you is where some people are in your life. They come at you, offend you, insult you, and expect you to do what they want. It's easy to dismiss when they're strangers. But what about if they're family? Is there a way to interact with them and keep your power?

Perfectionists, workaholics, and procrastinators unite! At least for this episode. Perfectionism is almost a disease that sabotages your path and takes away your precious time for more important things in life.

How many times have you thought you might be the problem when the reality might be much different than that? Are you the honest type that will take responsibility when you discover you're at fault for something? Are they? Lots of questions that deserve answers. It's time to figure out if it's you or them.

If you've reached a level of personal growth of development that you are happy about and are ready to take it to the next level, but those around you are still in a place that forces you to slow down and meet them where they are instead, is it selfish to continue your journey or should you go at their pace? In this episode, a wife asks if it's selfish to follow her path when her husband is reaching out to her while on his own path.