Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today’s guest is Tammy Keeces, Head of School at Irvine Hebrew Day School, a former teacher, a positive discipline trainer and mama to three teenagers. She has a Bachelor of Psychology from UCLA, a Masters from Columbia University’s Teacher College in Curriculum and Instruction. She’s currently working on her doctorate. We will be discussing responding to tragic events like the Tree of Life Synagogue tragedy, as well as Judaism, positive discipline and how we can all support each other better. Join us! "None of us should feel alone.” “People are children and they just want to belong.” “God gives us many opportunities for goodness and kindness and this is another way for us to remind ourselves that we need to have hope and we need to have love.” “We have to come together now, more than ever.” What you’ll hear in this episode: How Irvine Hebrew Day School handled the tragedy in Pittsburgh Developmental appropriate levels of information about tragic events Balancing the feelings of parents and children in the wake of tragedy Meeting hate with love - finding inner resources in the face of fear Ways to encourage our kids to accept others The freeing power of compassion Parallels between the Torah and positive discipline How non-Jewish people can support the Jewish community Teaching our kids about leadership and civic responsibility What does Joyful Courage mean to you? It’s being brave every day, to make the right decisions for ourselves and those that love us and inviting joy despite the challenges, despite the heartache, we have to choose joy and that’s what you’re doing every day with joyful courage and I think that there’s no other way to live our lives at this point. Resources: We’re All Wonders book Where to find Irvine Hebrew Day School: Facebook Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Jeremy Schneider. Jeremy is a Marriage and Family Therapist whose career spans more than 15 years of working with individuals and families focussing on parenting, relationships and mental health. He is the author of Fatherhood in 40 Minute Snapshots and has been featured on the New York Times, The Today Show and CNN. We will be discussing co-parenting and alignment with our partners. Join us! "Every step that I take in my personal growth is one less step that they have to take.” “A lot of parenting is about experimentation.” “You just get better the more you do it. Just keep trying.” “We don’t want to be the same parent. We just want to be parenting in the same direction.” What you’ll hear in this episode: -Journaling as a way to maintain perspective -Examining our principles of parenting -Deciding what kind of people we want to raise -Personal growth and parenting - how they relate -Co-parenting and being in alignment with our parents -Fatherhood and parental involvement of dads -Finding balance as co-parents in agreeing on a parenting approach -The importance of parenting education -Navigating parenting as a dad when you feel uncertain -How Dads can model emotional expression for their kids -Approaching our partners with curiosity about their parenting approach -Parenting as a practice -Finding harmony in parenting styles What does Joyful Courage mean to you? Having survived a fairly traumatic childhood, I think about courage a lot. I don’t normally think about it in terms of myself and that’s something that I’ve been working on to give myself credit for how far I’ve come and what I’ve been able to do and the kind of relationships I’ve been able to build within my family. I think Joyful courage is being able to enjoy, not the success, I’m trying to think of the word, being able to bask in this life I’ve built. It took a lot of work to get where I am and my wife and I have worked very hard to get where we are together. And we’ve worked very hard to survive as long as we have with our kids and get this far and I think, to me, one of the phrases that I play a lot in my head is happy chaos. I think of our life as happy chaos. Chaos doesn’t have to be bad and that’s kind of the way we think about it. My life is chaos, it’s just straight chaotic, because having teenagers and wanting to be there for them and wanting to be there for my wife and build this business and so and so forth; it’s chaos. But it’s a happy chaos because it all involves things that I love. And to me Joyful Courage has that same kind of feel, right? It’s the freedom, the sort of joyfulness of doing something that takes an enormous effort and overcoming anxiety and fear to be able to do it but that doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It can still be joyful in that experience of it. Resources: Fatherhood in 40 Minute Snapshots Where to find: Website | Facebook | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo Show this week! First – continues thanks for all of the feedback around the last solo show, where I shared about navigating my daughters mental health issues. It means the world to me to know that the content of the show is landing for you, and making a difference in your life. This week I am talking about our boys. Toxic Masculinity We have to do better for our boys Partners – emotional intelligence is for everyone Posturing Fragile Egos Curiosity Routine of talking about how we feel It’s not coddling – if we keep toughening them up and having them suppress how they feel we will continue to see cultures where war and violence exist Not blaming Not from a place of fear We all get to be full humans Boys and their fear of labels Build Skills More than just “walk away” Saving face w/o being a dick Being a champion People like him. He can take criticism, doesn’t make people choose friends, and doesn’t blow off someone for a better offer. When people are harassed or demeaned, he intervenes. He’s comfortable hanging out with guys who are both inside and outside the box. He holds his own opinion, but still listens to others. TALK ABOUT IT BEING HARD VALIDATE THEIR EXPEREINCE SUPPORT THEM IN RESPONSES TO LIFE This isn’t helicoptering Belonging significance influence Aren’t feeling it, they will take it where they can Posturing Insecure OR entitled All boys fall into a role where they feel safe Talk to your boys Keep talking Talk about emotions Check your “should/shouldn’t’ at the door Be open, own your mistakes, encourage them when you see life skills on display Love them up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Jennifer Griffin. Jennifer is the mother of four, has her masters in counseling psychology with 30 years of experience guiding children and adults on their relationship journeys. Jennifer is a DIY maven, specializing in leading individuals to uncover the messages in their chronic health conditions and their children’s challenging behaviors. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: -Simple, yet powerful techniques to heal at home -Taking back your power after trauma -What is EMDR and how can it help you heal? - How our kids behaviors can mirror our own unexpressed feelings and frustrations -How acting out can relate to our own inner struggles - The iceberg of behavior and how that relates to our children’s behavior and the way they channel their parents frustrations - Resisting the urge to “fix” - Understanding generational patterns - The role of balancing chakras in your child’s behavior -How claiming our authenticity and expressing our emotions can change how our kids express themselves through their behavior Resources: Channeling QuestionnaireEmbracing your child’s tantrums as a gift - Elephant Journal article Where to find: Understanding Morning Sickness as a Gift Understanding Your Child as a Spiritual Gift Facebook | Twitter | Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show – sharing from personal experience Recap what is happening with my teenager If you listened last year, you heard the struggle Online school Clients I’ve worked with Friends confiding in their experience What the stats say My experience of finding information What my gut tells me The ways the world has changed Why it’s so hard Weight of fear/possible outcomes Lack of control Our own stories PD is belonging and significance Power of perception What do we do when something feels “wrong” without giving message that they need to be fixed The challenge of meeting them where they’re at My experience with this…. Not knowing what this means The dance of acting/fixing vs validating/being The iceberg Tip of the iceberg They won’t talk, can’t identify what’s “wrong”, tears, withdrawal, aggression/defiance/anger, shut us out Grades/friends/activities Bad after school special Under the surface Hopelessness/fear/not know what or how they are feeling Feelings of disconnection Out of control Anxiety/depression The range…. Not all or nothing Grey areas Our own beliefs about mental health My experience, looking back I was afraid to call it what it was because it made it true My upbringing of not using things (family drama) as a “crutch” messaging Enmeshment/codependency I am going to get really vulnerable and highlight something that I see showing up because of the dynamics that are currently alive in my family My experience with needing approval – give me the gold star, tell me how great I am Wanting it from my family, especially my dad and step mom Now noticing that I am searching for it from my daughter NO BUENO Getting spiritual Carolyn Myss My experience of energy work in the context of my relationship with Rowan Life happens for us, so…. This is an experience that is happening for me? For Rowie? Acknowledging my controlling tendencies and the message it sends Letting go/backing off Having a plan (with school) about what I will and won’t do with a request Treatment Counseling, naturopath, energy work – this is what WE are doing You do you. Make choices for your kids. Listen to your kids. Listen deeply. Hear without fixing Ask permission Give them space and trust they will come to you Don’t be afraid to go big if things feel really off Ask hard questions GET SUPPORT TALK TO EACH OTHER Quit dismissing teens by saying “everyone feels that way” because even if it’s true this is not what they need to hear – they NEED to feel seen and heard Check your expectations at the door, accept that this is a part of your parenting story Take care of yourself Check your codependency GET HELP – if your gut tells you that what is happening with your child is extreme, seek help. I say this to you and to myself. We will get to the other side of this, my friends. And only we get to decide if we get to GO through this time of our lives, or if we GROW through it. Thank you to all of you parents of teens, those of you who are personal friends who have been brave enough to be in conversation with me, clients, listeners – you are not alone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Debrena Jackson Gandy, a best-selling author of three books, a keynote speaker, a world traveler, a transformational coach, a thought-leader, a sacred self care expert, relationship coach, founder of Juicy Woman University and The Love Academy. We are discussing creating juicy lives for ourselves. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: -Pampering the mind, body and the spirit -The nourishment of the spirit and why it matters -Why the first 9 years of life are so important to our beliefs -Getting past our own default mode -The guilt that comes from tending to self and martyrdom -When you feel bad about being good to self -The Sacred Self-Caring lifestyle vs. the lifestyle we inherit through default -Satisfaction, joy, ease, peace and flow: how to find it -Finding a new default for sacred self-care -The difference between the being and the doing - and the exhaustion that comes from all the doing -Division of responsibility for children within the home between parents - joint responsibility -How mothering behavior can block fathering and shared parenting -Being the architect of our own lives -When your “thought ware” isn’t aligned with being the architect of your own life -Baby steps to getting back into alignment -Debugging our programming -How beliefs impact attraction -The path to transformation -Getting curious about beliefs to make changes -Morning rituals for prayer and meditation -Discerning God’s voice from your inner self talk -The importance of asking in prayer -Understanding our own greatness and how that impacts our ability to live our birthright Resources: Free Gifts from Debrena’s websiteDebrena’s books, courses and more Where to find: Website | Facebook | Twitter | Youtube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Returning to the practice What Positive Discipline is to me…. Belong significance Iceberg Encouragement Kind and firm Presence/seeing/listening What I have learned over time My own beliefs get in the way Fear manifests as control and rigidity Trust is the theme of my life What it means to have a practice Taking care of me Exploring worthiness Developing intention Modeling what I want Returning to the basics Check assumptions Read and learn about development! What speaks to you??? So many people and programs…. What/who makes sense to you? Where do you feel seen? Things to keep in mind There is no perfect Spirituality/energetics matter – this is bigger than me Its messy, not formulaic Blame serves no one There is no end point Finding a sense of peace inside of the chaos is life goals Comparing is not useful – ever You are the parent your child picked, not because you are perfect, but because you are you. Parenting is an opportunity to heal old wounds, to mend relationships, and grow as an individual, if you let it be Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Kim Muench. She is a JAI Institute for Parenting certified parenting coach who works with moms of preteens and teenagers. She is the mother of 5 kids ages 13-31. She writes about conscious parenting, provides one on one coaching and workshops to help support moms towards intentional parenting. We are discussing detaching from the outcome. Join us! "I want to help shift the consciousness of the way that we’re parenting, especially our teenagers.” “We want to give them opportunities and choices. But you absolutely have to have some boundaries and structure in place.” “What do we stand for? What do we value? What do we try to instill in our kids?” “You cannot give what you do not have.” “These bumps is where we grow character.” “You can be right or you can be in relationship." What you’ll hear in this episode: -When children arrive at adolescence - The balance of boundaries and relationship building with our teens - Choosing your battles - Defining your family values - Setting an example for your kids - Defining non-negotiables - Ways to offer choices to your teenager - Detaching from the outcome - Prioritizing personal care and personal development - The illusion of control - Individuation and what that can look like - Supporting our kids in making better choices with alcohol - Being okay with kids failing or things taking longer - Trusting vs hovering - learning to detach - Taking a long view to your relationship with your kids Resources: Episode 82: Tweens and Smart Phones Where to find: Website Facebook Twitter Facebook Group Real Life Parenting Community Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW!! Woohoo – how is YOUR back to school? This episode acknowledges what we are all going through as we support our kids and ourselves in coming back to a back to school routine. I know, it is hard to shake off the summer. But that is what is happening. I share about my own experience with sending off two kids to two very different school settings, and what is coming up for me as they navigate the transition. And the navigation is still VERY MUCH ALIVE!! I mention tools and strategies for finding peace and flow, or at least dull the roar of making this shift, and I am so happy you are listening in!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Heather Chauvin. Heather Chauvin has been named the next generation’s thought leader in parenting and women’s leadership. Her mission is to crack women open to their deep potential. Heather is a TEDx speaker and the creator of the Mom Is In Control podcast and has been featured on the OWN network, Huffington Post, TV outlets and others. With wit and wisdom, Heather inspires a global community of women to take back control of their lives and evolve how they want to lead, work, play and parent. We are discussing mindful meditation. Join us! "There was always this contrast of who I wanted to be in the world versus who everyone else thought I should be." “We can’t get our children’s respect unless we respect our children and deeper than that, we need to learn to respect ourselves.” “Mindful meditation to me means awareness. Simple awareness.” “Really, it’s about doing less.” What you’ll hear in this episode: - The importance of mindfulness for parents and kids - Sustainable ambition theory - Survival Mode, Momentum, Thrival Mode - Learning to live outside of survival mode - Meditation as a tool in parenting and life - Why it’s easier to teach a child to meditate than an adult - Co-creation as mindfulness - Mindfulness for older kids - Parenting as emotional growth on steroids - The value of quiet - Listening to your child without trying to fix them as mindfulness - Giving yourself permission to let go of how things look - The responsibility of personal growth and the intergenerational impacts What does Joyful Courage mean to you? Being yourself, simply put. Being yourself and having the courage to figure out who that is and what that feels like and just keep going after the things that light you up, because that’s joy and it’s going to be uncomfortable to do that. Resources: Heather’s TEDx talk Teach Your Kid To Meditate Where to find Heather: Website Mom is in Control Podcast Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW – woohoo Let’s talk about intuition today…. Well, I am going to J Connecting dots with Eps 154 Dan Siegel interview The ability to sift through the experience you’re having and everything that is calling inside of you – and create space to show up as our best selves We all have an inner knowing, inner voice – where we can tap into deep wisdom Making sense of our spiritual experience Finding intuition while navigating my parenting How conditioning supports/gets in the way How do we tease apart intuition from fear/conditioning/doubt “What if the first hit is true?” “What if our stories and experiences are offered to us to develop our intuition?” Growing our “hub of awareness” requires practice PRACTICE MATTERS Becoming an outside observer takes practice We move towards what is familiar Sacred Contracts Caroline Myss Trust What happens when we choose in to the practice of developing space for our intuition? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Doctor Dan Siegel. Dan is a clinical professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA school of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Centre at UCLA. He is also the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute which focuses on the development of Mindsight, teaches insight, empathy and integration in individuals, families and communities. Dr. Siegel has published extensively for the professional and lay audiences. We are discussing his new book: Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence. Join us! "The most important gift we can give our kids is showing up with our mental presence, not just physically being present but to have the state of awareness and open to who they actually are." "Presence is a state of perceptive awareness." "Information is transformation." "You have the ability to cultivate the presence of mind through these very simple and accessible practices that are going to bring health to your body, slow the aging process, reduce stress, all these positive things and the same exact process, developing your hub of your wheel of awareness, presence, can actually deeply enrich the way your child is soaking in his or her relationship with you and developing this experience of being seen, of being soothed, of being safe, of being secure that research shows is exactly what your child needs to optimize how they go out into life, and that's something you're empowered to create." What you’ll hear in this episode: -The wheel of awareness - what it is and how it helps -How awareness impacts your body and health -How being present impacts the speed of the aging process -Wellbeing and how it is enhanced by being present -Relationships with your kids and how being present improves it -Cultivating awareness -Role modelling resilience -How awareness feeds connection vs control -Impacts of a lack of structure on the brain and future of children -Authoritative parenting vs Authoritarian parenting -Why we need the village and how that creates stress for contemporary parents -Finding joy, tranquility and connection through expanding awareness -Flipping our lid, learning from our body's signals and how awareness can help -Monitoring and modifying for self-regulation and to improve responses to stress -The 3 O's what they mean Resources: Mind, A Journey To The Heart of Being Human Brainstorm, The Power and purpose of the teenage brain The Whole Brain Child No Drama Discipline The Yes Brain Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence The Telomere Effect by Elizabeth Blackburn Where to find Dr. Siegel: Facebook Twitter Youtube Instagram LinkedIn Website Mindsight Institute UCLA Mindful Research Centre Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Naomi Gottlieb-Miller. She is a mom, yoga teacher, self-care advocate, Air Force spouse and Star Trek nerd. She is passionate about working with busy moms and empowering them to take better care of themselves so they can re-write the story of what healthy motherhood feels like. She loves to make yoga fun and accessible for everyone she works with. Naomi is passionate about helping people find space for their daily yoga practice. We are discussing yoga, self care and parenting. Join us! "Yoga is not just what you do on your mat but it's how you live your life." What you’ll hear in this episode: Parallels between yoga and parenting Self exploration in yoga and parenting How what we read influences our perception of how we parent Making decisions about what matters to us vs what we "should" do Yoga on social media and competition The five second rule and how it relates to self-care Habit change personality types Yoga as a practice and how it relates to ego The difference between simple and easy Feeling into action and engaging - in yoga and parenting Being with the discomfort in parenting and yoga Therapeutic irritation and holding space and identifying appropriate times for release Creating conscious conversations with our kids Baby steps for starting yoga Starting small as a way to inspire more future What is a mantra and why is it helpful? Resources: Naomi’s introductory Yoga videos on her Youtube channel NaomiGottliebMiller Where to find: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Youtube: NaomiGottliebMiller Transform Chaos To Calm Program Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Katie Hurley. She is a child and adolescent psychotherapist specializing in anxiety disorders and stress and learning differences and author. She is the author of The Happy Kid Handbook and No More Mean Girls. She runs empowerment groups for girls. We are discussing girls and their relationships. Join us! "We have to load them with coping skills because life is hard." "Teach them coping skills. Teach them how to be kindness warriors. Teach them how to engage in a positive way on social media so that other girls start to follow suit...." "We owe it to our girls to stop labelling them and let them grow into themselves." "The more we fail and the more we fail out loud and accept it and acknowledge it and talk about it with other people, the more we grow as humans." "We have to stop this cult of perfectionism among our girls and the best way to do that is to really open up to them and tell them what we go through." What you’ll hear in this episode: -The changing landscape in the world of girls and bullying -Why these relationship challenges are starting earlier than ever -Toxic competition and how it impacts relationships between girls -How conditioning for high achievement can impact girls -Shifts in educational expectations and how that affects children -How attitudes towards sports have changed and what that has meant for girls -Social emotional learning and the expectation it should happen at home vs. at school -Belonging and significance in relationships between girls -How building empathy can be helpful -The Iceberg Metaphor and how it relates to conflict between girls - Protective instincts and how they impact coaching empathy and understanding -Clique behaviors and how they can impact girls -Modelling those behaviors as parents and exercising compassion in moments of frustration -Social media culture and how it removes safe spaces at home from interpersonal conflict between kids -Checking off the boxes and how it can create overwhelm -How not letting kids make choices can create stress and cause problems later in life -The importance of coping skills and raising kindness warriors -The impact of how we talk about school shooters and how that impacts their in-school relationships -How social engineering by parents can impact our girls -Understanding where parental interference in interests and social relationships can affect them -Peer pressure among parents to "check the boxes" for our kids in terms of their extracurricular activities -How labels affect and limit our girls What does Joyful Courage mean to you? To me, it just means being joyful about taking great leaps. It's okay wherever you land. Know that you're okay wherever you land and you can always make adjustments and give it another shot. Resources: The Happy Kid Handbook No More Mean Girls Where to find Katie: PracticalKatie.com Facebook Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Danielle Slaughter. Danielle is an Academic turned mommy. She has Bachelors of Arts from the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor and a Masters of Arts in English from Georgia State University. With a doctoral background in English, focusing on Rhetoric and Composition, Danielle likes to call herself and mothers like her “Mamademics”. Mamademics is a merging of her two “careers”–motherhood and academia. She lives in Atlanta with her husband and two sons were she runs both of her businesses Mamademics and Raising an Advocate. Danielle has an award-winning blog as well as composition work. She is a 2015 recipient of the Type-A Parent’s We Still Blog Award. A 2016 recipient of the Conference on College Composition and Communications Scholar for the Dream Award. A BlogHer Voices of the Year Winner for 2016 and 2017. As well as a two-time nominee for an Iris Award for Most Engaging Content (2017 and 2018). I found Danielle this past spring when I was searching for the voices of POC in the parenting world. If you listened to episode 142 you know that I made a pledge to search out a variety of voices and personalities to come and be on the show. Danielle does really important work, and I recently completed a course she offers called “Raising an Advocate” – Danielle has written a lot about the role white women play in raising social justice advocates, as well as the power white women also have to get in the way of social justice…. Where to find Danielle: Facebook | Mamademics Website Check out Mamedemics Website to get to the Raising an Advocate course Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW!! I am on speaking directly from the tranches…. Feeling the stretch and pull of raising adolescent kids. Kind and firm, yes, and IT’S HARD!! Moving into summer and thinking about routines and agreements. Enjoy! Eps 96: Melissa Benaroya talks Summer Routines and Structures Eps 129: Solo Show - Using the Iceberg Metaphor to Understand Behavior::: Become a Joyful Courage PATRON! You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is a opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Lindsay McCarthy, author of The Miracle Morning For Parents and Families. Lindsay is a homeschooling mama with two children, a writer and the founder of GratefulParent.com. We are discussing how you can integrate The Miracle Morning For Parents and Families into your day. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: -How The Miracle Morning For Parents And Families came to be -What the Miracle Morning includes -How to involve your kids in your Miracle Morning -The power of waking on your own terms -How waking up early adds capacity for parents to expand their emotional resources -The value of unstructured play and creating as a practice for kids -Creativity, Health, Affirmations, Reading, Meditation and Service, and how they can help kids start their day off right -Habit stacking as a way to build a Miracle Morning -How a Miracle Morning can help you look at bedtime routine -Building flexibility into your Miracle Morning -Starting small with habit changes -How to encourage older kids to participate -Combining components of the Miracle Morning to save time -Trying a Miracle Evening as an alternative What does Joyful Courage mean to you? To me, courage it means being afraid but doing it anyways. Like, writing a book, for example. And then the joyful part of that is just allowing it to really fill you up and spread light to the world. Stepping into your own light and your own power and doing the things you're afraid to do anyway. Resources: The Miracle Morning For Parents and Families The Miracle Morning for College Students The Miracle Morning Where to find Lindsay: GratefulParent.com Facebook Group - Miracle Morning For Parents And Families Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo Show – woop woop! It is all me today people, and I am so excited to be sharing some powerful thoughts and experiences with you today. Wading through our experience to support out children The writing process Going deeper into what parents can uncover/discover for themselves We have an external experience of raising kids – everything that happens outside of us We also are having an internal experience – the ways that our physical body feels, sensations, also the emotional experience that we are having, what gets brought up by the external stimuli External and internal are both happening at the same time Based on what our experiences have been in life, our relationships in life, we have a lens that we see the world out of Sometimes the internal response “works” for us We have a well wired survival system – amygdala – but our survival system isn’t always what is needed in our daily life The pendulum swing of raising/living with teens – everything is great until it is not, parents are the anchor that witness/hold space and it’s hard to remember that the behavior is a pendulum swing. Connect /loving vs dysregulation/discouragement We (parents) go into “fix it” mode Alternative – recognizing what is happening physically in my body, seeing what is happening for me, what is the lens I am looking out of? Fear – tension in the body – belly/jaw When kids feel discouraged, they tend to want to share the feeling with others Looking below the surface - the iceberg metaphor Episode 129 Episode 103 Episode 110 Today is a reminder that there is so much going on under the surface…. Curiosity as a guide AND it’s ok and important to recognize where you are at physically/emotionally and taking a pause to get yourself together Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Nathalie Savell of the Empowering Stepmoms Summit. Natalie is a holistic psychotherapist, a certified holistic health coach and a certified stepmom coach. She sees psychotherapy clients dealing with anxiety and life transition challenges, relationship issues and spiritual disease in person, via video chat and through walk and talk sessions in Baltimore, Maryland and coaches stepmoms virtually to help them go from overwhelm, confusion, stress and resentment to confidence, clarity and connection. We are discussing thriving in step parenting. Join us! “People have more power than they think. I hear a lot of stepmoms feel so out of control and so disempowered by the ex, the kids, whatever their partner is doing and there is support out there." "It doesn't take as much as you think to get on a path that's a lot more helpful that makes you feel a lot more empowered." "Get the support that you need and deserve. Reach out and get it." What you’ll hear in this episode: -The mind body connection -Flexibility and how that relates to kindness and firmness -The Think Tree exercise and how that facilitates flexibility with boundaries -Building connection in step-parenting -Control and step-parenting - finding balance -Adjusting from step-parenting to raising one's own child -Parenting and commitment -Co- parenting as a stepmom when the child's other parent doesn't want them to participate -Establishing boundaries for self care -Giving yourself permission to have feelings about your stepkids and not feeling pressured to feel loving all the time -The value of couple work in being a united front -Finding bottom line things you agree on and where your boundaries are What does Joyful Courage mean to you? I love the term Joyful Courage so much. It's like the courage to keep doing the work. The courage to keep going and you know, I call the stepmoms in my group "stepmom warriors" some times because I'm like "You're a warrior, keep fighting, keep going, fighting the good fight to be a loving person." For me, it's like a spiritual warrior for being on a path of love. It takes a lot of courage because it's not easy and a lot of people are going to judge you. And a lot of people are going to naysay you. And to add in that joy in there, so not only are you being brave and courageous, and like keep putting one foot in front of the other but how can you have fun while doing it and why not? So why not peel back the layers and see how you can be childlike in your battles, in your love battles. I think we all need to be that way, to have fun, so it's important to take things lightly at the same time that you work hard at them. Resources: Interview series on NathalieSavell.com Where to find Nathalie: Nathaliesavell.comStepmom Strong Coaching group on Facebook Stepmom Strong Facebook pageStepmom Strong Coaching on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show: Here we are – a new week, another school shooting Expanding from the family unit and into the community Choices we have when we see people who need help We are all in this together – in this life It takes a village and we have to look out for each other All kids deserve advocates, not just our kids What can I do to support connection, feeling felt, feeling understood, inside of my community? Political conflict in the family…. My story and how my brother saved the day Conscious parenting is really conscious living Understanding is not the same as accepting or valuing what others value Belonging and significance matters for children AND adults Listening to understand We get to look out for each other “I see you” Declaring to inquire about mentorship at the local HS What is the action you will take? Resources mentioned: Eps 133 – Politics and Parenting Take the Next Step – Community resource organization Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Deborah Reber, mother of an autistic son, founder of Tilt Parenting to help parents find more peace, joy and support along the way while parenting an atypical child in a conventional world. We are discussing her new book. Join us! “It's hard to know what to do when you realize your kid is atypical." "Kids who are exceptional really just means the exception" "We have to battle our insecurities maybe a little bit more because what we are doing isn't necessarily working." "Behavior is all information. It isn't personal." "Judgment is where we create separation." What you’ll hear in this episode: The loneliness of raising a differently wired kid Accommodating kids with invisible differences Introversion vs extroversion and how they are perceived in the classroom Applying positive discipline parenting philosophies to differently wired kids Managing expectations in problem solving when raising neuro atypical kids Becoming aware of our own judgements of other people's children How to be a support when you see a child acting out in public Approaching neuro differences as parents and discussing them with our kids Educators and parents of neuro-typical kids as allies to parents of neuro atypical kids What does Joyful Courage mean to you? I just keep thinking bravery. I think the parents who are raising kids who are moving through the world a little differently have to be brave even when they don't feel brave and so I would say, "Keep going back in, when we have a bad day and showing up and being present with bravery. Presence and bravery. Presence has been the thing that has changed my experience with Asher more than any other tool and it's in the presence that I've been able to find joy in our parenting together. Resources: Differently Wired Where to find Deborah: Tilt Parenting l Facebook l Twitter l Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW!! Teacher posted about a difficult class… Response about “parenting style” naming “gentle parenting” and followed up with a post about “helicopter parenting, mom and dad are friends, no discipline or consequences….” Lets talk about this: The swing from authoritarian to permissive What is kind and firm Authoritative – structure and freedom The most important tool we have for influencing behavior is the relationship we build with our children – that is what this week in the Academy is all about. No boundaries/limits – not a solid relationship No voice/ freedom – not a solid relationship Mutual respect? Problem solving? Dignity in tact? – Dignity, the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. Helicopter/lawn mower/permissive parenting ROBs children of the discomfort of learning from their mistakes. It robs them of the opportunity of making things right and fixing their mistakes. Robs them of the opportunity for problem solving, accountability, ownership. Authoritarian parenting ALSO robs kids of opportunity. When we parent from a place that threatens punishment for making mistakes, kids no longer have the luxury of learning how to really think through the decision making process, instead, they learn the “better not do it cuz I don’t want to get into trouble” or “better not get caught” Authoritarian parenting can often lead to a lack of respect in the relationship. Guidelines and boundaries INSIDE OF a solid, respectful relationship will increase the likelihood of cooperative, contributing children. KIND AND FIRM – listen to your body, are you in alignment with your values and what the kid need. There is WISDOM IN THE BODY, PAY ATTENTION. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Mary Nelsen-Tamborski, a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Diego and also a certified positive discipline trainer and parent coach. Mary’s formal training is secondary to the life training she got from her mother, Dr. Jane Nelsen, a marriage and family therapist and author of all the positive discipline books. Mary is a popular keynote speaker, and workshop presenter. We are discussing mistakes as opportunities to learn. Join us! “I find that these principles are universal so they are great, obviously for parents and children but it's also just human beings in general.” "The lens that we see our kids out of is everyone being equally worthy of dignity and respect it's no wonder that how we treat our kids , it should be a mirror of how we treat our friends and how we treat our coworkers and the checkers at the grocery store. It's about human to human relationships." "You have to break down to break through." ` What you’ll hear in this episode: How positive discipline impacts other relationships in our lives Positive discipline as a theory and the reality of implementation Mistakes as opportunities to learn and navigating shame Solutions oriented problem solving versus consequences Dealing with your own emotional stuff when encountering challenging behaviour The role of regular family meetings The importance of apologies Making amends after we make mistakes What to do when you "lose it" Post-conflict communication and rebuilding closeness Managing triggers and being called out on your stuff Learning and growing as a family in positive discipline Assumptions & consequences - 3 R's & 1 H Brain development and consequences Genuine curiosity and asking curious questions to improve communication Curiosity as a way of being Shedding ego to engage in a meaningful way Connecting early to keep the lines of communication open for adolescence Treating your children as friends - a positive discipline perspective Resources: Jane Nelsen’s book Serenity Where to find Mary:Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Thank you community! You are all so amazing. TOGETHER we are making an impact on the world. Today is a solo show…. I am getting vulnerable once again and shedding light on an area that I am not so proud of AND see as an opportunity for us all to grow as humans in relationship with each other. The white bubble. I know I am not the only person that lives a really homogenous life when it comes to diversity. AND, I know that many of you can celebrate LOTS of diversity in your life and relationships. Today I just wanted to call myself and anyone else in the community out in an effort to DO BETTER. The world is made up of a variety of people, from a diverse pool of cultures, experiences, and backgrounds. When I look out into the “positive parenting” world, I see lots of white faces. When I think about the people that listen to my show and participate in my community, I see a lot of white faces. I love all those white faces AND, I am recognizing that I could do more to bring more diverse voices onto the show and into our community – and into MY personal life as well. AND, because I get to speak from the platform of Joyful Courage, I get to be transparent and invite you all to join me. Whew! I am excited! We all get to take steps to shift the way the world is currently operating, and those of us with privilege, even if it is simply the color of our skin, have a part to play in that shift. I hope you will join me. And for those of you in the community who ARE people of color, please feel free to reach out and let me know how I can do better! I value your voice. Help me find guests that can tell stories and give support from a POV that is different from my middle class white woman lens. I love you all! Thank you for listening!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So thrilled to have Aubrey and Becky Springer on today to talk about how to take small steps to make a big difference. We all hope that our children will be in service to the world, that they will WANT to make a difference, to make the world a better place. Today’s show highlights what it can look like when being in contribution to the community is the default for a family – and how the way we impact our kids, through the experiences we invite them into, can impact the world. “We all belong to each other.” – Mama Becky Links mentioned: Support Aubrey’s Project Glennon DoyleTogether RisingUnion Gospel Mission Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Delaney Ruston, a documentary filmmaker. She believes in helping kids find balance in our tech filled world. She loves engaging audiences in solution centered discussions. We are discussing her work making the film Screenagers and how to support our kids with finding balance. Join us! “Just start with one simple change that you want to make and the real growth is when you talk about that with your kids and you show them your journey in trying to make that change.” “Maybe just pick one thing that you could decide to do that you’re not using tech as you normally would.” “The key, the most absolute important thing about it is starting with something positive about technology.” “The brain has a really hard time holding two opposite truths at the same time and it’s particularly hard for kids and teens.” “To find sustainable solutions for tech balance and the child and teen brain we’re going to have to work together.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The neuroscience of technology use and over-use The individual child and technology use - micro impacts vs metadata Setting attainable goals for technology use reduction The power of changing just one thing Recognizing the difficulty of cognitive dissonance in conversations about technology Reducing defensiveness in technology conversations Why 30% of families are struggling with daily fights about technology What studies say about parent device use Distracted parenting and interactions with our kids Learning new skills: how this changes as kids grow Self-regulation and parenting involvement in creating limits Setting aside screen free time as a family Technology and sleep - setting boundaries for wellness Guidelines for young kids to set the stage for later technology use Sleep time, Study time and Family time - technology boundaries Digital etiquette ideas When you’ve given up and need to reign things in Taking stock of how we use our time How to bring Screenagers into your community School policies: prevalence of device use in middle and high schools Impact of device use on academics in middle and high schools Resources: Tech Talk Tuesdays Where to find Delaney: Screenagersmovie.com l Delaneyruston.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s podcast was created in honor of the 159 parents who enrolled and engaged in the #joyfulcourage10. Today we complete the program, and begin the practice of sustaining the magic and community that was created there, because of the people who showed up vulnerably, authentically, and courageously. I love what I get to do. Thank you to each of you that spent the last 10 days building relationship with me and each other. YOU ARE AMAZING!!! Alright – today’s theme for the show is authenticity and transparency. Parenting as a journey Not a secret No hidden agenda About being in human relationship Modeling Life skills are learned through modeling Vulnerability and authenticity is learned through modeling Kicking it up a notch is lifting up and OUT of the modeling and being transparent Human relationships are messy. Parenting is messy. Life-iing is messy. When we actively, intentionally, decide to SHIFT the way we parent, we set ourselves up to be exposed as flawed humans. Hello vulnerability Hello humility Hello contrary to the “adults are always right” While the whole Positive Discipline/Positive Parenting approach is SIMPLE – I mean, choose relationship and trust that your children will lean life skills – WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL??? Right, and then we are in life and it is a shit show. Defeat Self talk Comparison-itis Giving up Be transparent! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Genevieve Simperingham, a counsellor, an AWARE parenting educator, a writer, a group facilitator, meditation teacher and founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute in New Zealand. Over the last 24 years, Genevieve has presented hundreds of workshops and courses. She has parented her own kids using attachment principles and she seeks to empower parents with the tools that result in increased harmony, trust and cooperation in the family unit. We are discussing peaceful parenting our teenagers. Join us! “It’s about bringing into your parenting not just how you should respond in this situation or in that situation and our different approaches and techniques (which are really, really important) but it’s all about who we are as a person and who our child is as a person and the dynamic and the energy between us.” “We shouldn’t be in fighter stance simply because we have teenagers.” What you’ll hear in this episode: What is peaceful parenting and how it is different than some of the more mainstream behaviorist parenting approaches. The Centre, Connect, Communicate approach Stress management, self care and healing trauma and how they relate to parenting The need for authenticity in empathy and curiosity The biggest hangups for parents around peaceful parenting teenagers Having tough conversations with your teens without shorting out the connection at the outset Setting and holding limits within the peaceful parenting framework Sex, drugs and alcohol use in teens - is it better to allow at home or to restrict? Reducing power struggles and rebellion Educating and empowering teens to make their own choices Reconnecting to move past conflict What does Joyful Courage mean to you? Joyful courage to me, it connects me with that last bit that we were just talking about, to me it’s about joy we feel in the heart and it takes a lot of courage to reconnect. So to me it’s about opening the heart and allowing the joy, the enjoyment of the relationship, of the connection to come back in and that takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable again. It’s easier to be hard and defensive and stern and it takes courage to open the heart come back to the joy of that beautiful connection again. Resources: Aware parenting Where to find Genevieve: The way of the Peaceful Parent Facebook Group Facebook Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Gratitude to the community, specifically my one on one clients and the membership. Themes Collective experience My own filter Always in the learning, growing, developing Humaning is simple, not easy Knowing what we want, not taking action to get there Identifying what we want Reading/learning tools/strategies Sitting on the outside of it Procrastination Self talk Sneak messages Fear/worthiness/perfectionism Finding Nemo Working so hard to get to his goal Dealing with the monkey mind of dory (is there a metaphor here?) Perseverance despite fear Turtle Come into the current, dude Less effort Less resistance More results Bigger possibilities The Secret/ Law of Attraction / FLOW What is this all about? The Law of attraction is the belief that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts people can bring positive or negative experiences into their life. The belief is based on the idea that people and their thoughts are both made from "pure energy", and that through the process of "like energy attracting like energy" a person can improve their own health, wealth and personal relationships. What you think about you bring about Yes thought AND actively taking steps that move you in that direction NEMO HAD TO SAY YES AND ENTER THE FLOW TO BE A PART OF THE FLOW What the heck does this have to do with parenting? Paying attention to the flow What makes it easy to be easy going, even when things are challenging? What do you notice about when your family is more easy going? Under the surface/foundation Routines Common language Needs are met Connected Belonging and significance Have you defined where you want to flow to take you? More of a way of being than a destination, unless you are setting specific goals It is an ACTIVE process – we must be in action FLOW state shows up because it all becomes easier the more we choose in Choosing in I say this a lot Being a yes Seizing the opportunities to “practice” the tools TAKING ACTION If you want things to BE different then you need to BE different Interrupting the patters Discover what your patterns are Pay attention/mindfulness Ex – phone use When do you use it What do you notice about right before you pick it up? Where do you use it What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to do something different/interrupting Leaving it upstairs in the morning Ex – getting mad at my teenager/taking her angst personally When do you do it What do you notice about right before you yell Where are you typically when you yell What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to practice something different Internal work of allowing HER to be responsible for her feelings and allowing ME to be responsible for mine Creating a “one liner” that supports me in knowing/sharing where I am at Taking care of myself Offering my daughter opportunities to develop tools for taking care of herself – LIFE SKILL Ex – being resentful that no one “helps” When do you do it What do you notice about right before resentment shows up Where are you typically when you are feeling What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to practice something different Creating routines around that particular time of the day Getting face to face and asking for help Smiling Listen, we all thrive in community. We thrive when we are being supported and joined by a bunch of other people who are diving into the practices and the work that we are engaging in. Do yourself a favor and JOIN THE #JOYFULCOURAGE10 – this is EXACTLY what you need to step into your OWN flow of parenting. This is the jumpstart you need to manifest the family vibe that you desire. We are on a collective journey, and the #JC10 is the party bus you didn’t know that you wanted on – disco ball and all!! Sign up RIGHT NOW, we start April 1st – www.joyfulcourage.com/jc10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Kelly Flannigan Bos, MSW. Kelly is a clinical therapist focusing on individual, marriage, and family relationships. She helps people find meaning and joy in their relationships - with themselves and others. As a well-known relationship expert, she has appeared in a professional capacity in countless media markets as a guest and writer. Today we are discussing an article she wrote in November called, “I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic.” Join us! “We’re not always going to have the perfect reactions and we can certainly apologize when we haven’t kept our cool or done the right thing. There’s ways to model other things like resolution or forgiveness.” “Does a good brow beating make us feel better, more able to face the challenges ahead of us? Usually not. We often shame ourselves into inertia. Would we ever say these words to a friend? There is a better way. We can be kind to ourselves and get better results and I definitely want kind self talk for my kids." “It’s a constant journey but it’s one I know I want to be on so I just keep starting again and if I can be self-compassionate to myself, then I have something to give outside as well.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The role of self-compassion in parenting The three tenets of self-compassion Moving past the isolation of the shame of not meeting our own expectations Over-identification with our problems and how mindfulness can make a difference Worry and the reality of the lack of accuracy of our future prediction Phases of parenting and worry Brain development and parenting – developmental challenges Getting out of the emotional whirlwind The role of self-comfort, recognizing and acknowledging our own suffering Self-compassion as a way to build capacity for parenting challenges Self-compassion and it’s relationship to compassion we can extend to others Self-compassion for avoiding depletion Making self-compassion part of common language in the family Family meetings as a vehicle for communicating self-compassion Separating the child from the behavior Problem solving to avoid over identification with problems Fear as a barrier to positive parenting Self care as self-compassion What to do when you have no room for self-care Resources: I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic Where to find Kelly: Facebook Twitter Instagram Website Youtube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Not a lot of show notes today… I am sharing the feedback and follow through of the Parents and Politics show and talking about letting go of attachment and fear. Enjoy!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Rebecca Eanes, the author of two books for parents: Positive Parenting The Essential Guide and The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting. She is back to talk to us about her newest resource for parents: The Positive Parenting Workbook. Rebecca leads a community of over a million on her Facebook page, Positive Parenting Toddlers and Beyond. Join us! “I see and speak about parenting as a journey… and the journey is a continuous invitation to continue to practice being the parent we want to be as often as possible.” “Parenting is one long personal development workshop.” “My kids are the best mirrors because in them I have seen my own negative attitudes and bad moods and emotional reactions in really every area that I needed to improve upon.” “I think we definitely grow ourselves up in the process of helping our kids grow up.” “Our kids are going to make mistakes every day. If they had perfect parents, they would not know how to get through this world.” “Be as gentle and respectful with yourself as you are trying to be with your kids. You are not perfect either and you don’t have to be. We are all growing, we are all learning, we are all flawed, and we all need grace. This is a journey and there’s not a destination yet that I’ve seen. It’s an ever going thing so be good to yourself along the way.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Dealing with swearing and supporting kids in navigating different rules in different situations Positive parenting and what it really means The role of mutual respect in positive parenting Identifying underlying issues under disrespect Shifting focus: from disrespectful behavior itself to supporting learning that leads to respectful behavior. Leadership in positive parenting Non-negotiables and positive parenting The value in personal development and parenting Moving from behavior patrol to positive parenting The origins of the Positive Parenting Workbook Discipline as part of the parenting pie 7 Pillars of family culture as part of positive parenting Words of wisdom for parents working towards positive parenting Resources: Positive Parents websiteThe Positive Parenting WorkbookThe Newbie’s Guide to Positive ParentingPositive Parenting: An Essential GuidePositive Parenting In Action Where to find Rebecca: Facebook TwitterInstagramPositive Parents websitePinterestCreative Child Magazine Mother.ly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Politics and Parenting - can we keep them separate? Do we want to? I don’t imagine that everyone who follows Joyful Courage share all of my views. I am guessing that you all realize that I am a flaming liberal – and if you didn’t, well, cats out of the bag. I support dignity and respect for all humans. Black lives matter to me. Immigrant lives matter to me. Woman having equal rights, including rights over their body matters to me. I believe that people have the right to gather and worship in a way that works for them. I believe in climate change and the duty we ALL have to honor the earth. I believe that people who are raised to feel connected, loved and as though they matter don’t show up at public or private events with the intent to kill. I do not believe that private citizens have the right to own weapons of war. I believe our schools should be safe and secure. I do not believe that teachers should have guns. I believe in a health care system that is proactive in supporting the mentally ill. I believe in compassion. I believe in civic action. Some of what I just shared may turn you off to my work and my message. I hope it doesn’t, because at the most foundational level, I believe in love – living it, spreading it, being it. And that is what will save the world. “Love thy neighbor as thyself” is a message of all major religions – and when THIS is our come-from, when THIS message is what we start to live, the world will be healed. And I acknowledge that it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to put ourselves out there and speak our truths we don’t want to offend we don’t want to argue we worry about what people think we want everyone to be comfortable And right now the environment is so TOXIC! It is so challenging to talk about the issues that matter the most to us. It is scary to get vulnerable and say what we need to say, to lead from the front. Today I declare that I am no longer going to worry about ruffling feathers. I will continue to share the content that you have come to love, and I will elevate it by pushing my fear aside. I will bring more of myself. I will bring more of my authenticity and truth. I will leave behind wanting everyone to like me. I am done with school shootings, and my guess is you are too. It is time to have hard conversations. It is time to look for solutions. It is time to get involved, ask questions, reach out and trust that your voice is valued. Humans are hurting. Weapons of war are too available. Schools aren’t secure. So lets do something about it. Today is about action. Thank you. Thank you for listening. I feel as though it is my responsibility to speak these truth, it is my responsibility to not pretend that all is well and good and that the world our children are inheriting is going to magically be peaceful. We are in the creation of the world we live in. Everything we do is part of the creation. What we buy Who we vote for Whether or not we speak up when we get that intuitive hit that what we are witnessing is wrong We are in the creation even when WE DO NOTHING. Even when we turn away because it is too hard, or too scary, or too vulnerable – we are STILL in the creation of the world we live in. I choose to be in action. And I hope you join me. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Liz Haske, a mother, an international teacher and instructional coach and children’s book author. She has over 15 years elementary classroom experience in six different countries and is super passionate about empowering children to be their most courageous selves. Her first book, When Worry Takes Hold, was released in November 2017 and aims to help young children cope with worry by using mindful breathing. Join us! “It’s about a young girl who’s afraid to do different things and she realizes that she has the power inside her and if she puts her hands on her belly, she can be brave.” “Stories help us be better people if we are reading the right books” “We want to empower these little people to realize they can do it. They can develop the tools and they can be confident and they can face what is presented to them in healthy and positive ways.” “Worry gets bigger and bigger the more that we do it.” “We can be brave, and everyone has worries … whether it’s helping our kids be brave or us being brave to face whatever parenting challenge it may be.” “Courage is just a deep breath away.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The basis & inspiration for When Worry Takes Hold Worry as a visitor and the power to ask it to leave Acknowledging & expecting worry Externalizing worry and setting limits Following the why – getting to the root of big feelings Manifestations and signs of worry Addressing underlying worry vs. addressing the behaviors Taking a wide view to problem solving worry How not to take worry related behaviors personally Why trying to talk kids out of their worries doesn’t work Managing worry as a practice Tools for managing worry and how they can be applied to other situations Mindful breathing vs. “Let’s take some deep breaths” The power of mindful breathing How to know when to get professional help (duration, intensity, impact, age appropriateness) Journaling worries to find patterns and icebergs Liz’s upcoming projects on the horizon The importance of exercising self-compassion Resources: When Worry Takes Hold Where to find Liz: Facebook Instagram Website Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A solo show all about routines There are a couple tools, that when put into place, make the whole parenting journey easier. You have heard me talk about special time, that one on one time that is so important for building relationship and a solid foundation of belonging and significance for our kids. Challenges coming up in the LLWJC group mornings, bedtimes, defiance, meltdowns, sibling issues We find ourselves putting out fires We find ourselves being overtaxed We find ourselves slipping OUT of who we want to be and INTO crazy parent This is also where we loose sight of the way that we are contributing to the chaos at hand…. We blame out kids We fall into the trap of “it is always so difficult” We forget that there is always a flow that comes after the ebb…. Yes, special time helps with the challenges mentioned about. The relationship we nurture with our kids is what has the biggest impact on their behavior, absolutely. AND, another tool that is super helpful to come back to, again and again, is co-creating routines. Now, if you are someone with challenges in the morning, or after school, you may be thinking, but we have a routine, and it isn’t working!!! GREAT. Not all routines are created equal. Routines are made to be modified and changed up Routines designed to be HELPFUL for everyone will be the most USEFUL Mindset matters This is not about getting your kids to do what you want them to do This is about helping your children feel like capable, contributing members of the family This is about the process, the opportunity that exists inside the challenge that is currently at the surface Take a deeper look… Co creating routines means that you are CO CREATING Find a time of day when everyone is feeling good, connected Opening up the conversation to child about how they experience the challenging time of day, validate their feelings, listen and let them know you are taking their sharing to heart – this is not time to talk them out of what they are experiencing or getting them to “see your side” Clear out the space through taking accountability for your behavior. This is really important. Ask for their help to make that time of day easier/better for everyone Brainstorm ideas/tasks Offer/counter offer if you need to Be open to their ideas Be firm/not rigid around your non-negotiables “This is what is important to me, how could we make that work?” “What is your idea for that?” Cross off anything that isn’t related/reasonable/respectful/helpful on the list Work together to create a visual reminder Try it for a week But, but, but what if it doesn’t “work” Shifting to what is “helpful” Focus on the process TRUST the process Let the routine be the boss Revisit at the end of the week and tweak if necessary So many routines…. Housework Family Meetings Mornings Afterschool Bedtime Take it slow – let go of urgency How you show up matters Be in your practice of curiosity and openness – catch yourself when you want to judge (roshambo/coin flip) Currently in a new routine of turning screens off from 5-7. This is a slippery place for us…. Recently posted a handout on the live and love page – will put it in the show notes – for walking through this process. Let me know if you have any questions! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Julie Miller is on with us! Julie is on a mission to live a delicious life and bring joy back to the family dinner table. She is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Positive Discipline Parenting Educator who holds a Master’s Degree in Human Nutrition from Bastyr University. She has over 16 years’ experience sharing food and nutrition philosophy with diverse communities throughout the Seattle area. Julie currently specializes in helping families find their own positive feeding dynamic so that food is less of a parenting chore and more of a nourishing experience. She believes that connection between adults, children and food sets the stage for a lifetime of personal wellness, including healthy eating. Julie knows, as a Mom, that the constant demand to prepare and serve food can get just a wee bit tiring and tricky. She emphasizes reducing the drama and eating minimally processed foods, while ensuring that children and adults meet their nutritional needs to support growth, development and wellbeing. Content: Got into nutrition for personal reasons Had kids and discovered PD So much judgment in parenting – especially fierce around food Helps parents to make parenting around food a nourishing experience for everyone Most typical complaint? “I don’t like it” Second biggest? Picky eating Parental Fatigue – parents DON’T want to cook but DO want to feel kids good food PD says – “Eating, sleeping, pottying, you can’t make them do it!” You CAN work on belonging, significance and influence They need to be guided, not forced Division of responsibility – defining roles (Ellen Satter’s work) Parent responsible for what, when, where AND maintaining connection Child responsible for what they eat and how much Story about Rowan drinking caffeine Over 12 100mg isn’t terrible Under 12 no caffeine Guide THEM in using the information to make informed choices Until it is personally meaningful for them to feel the effects of their choices, behavior won’t change AND they learn what they live Before bed snacks…. Timing Thank you bites?? What about suggesting….. Serve food family style. Parents can mentioned all the items that are available, then the parents job is done…. What about the salad?? Short term vs long term goals Let go of judgement Invite kids into planning/cooking to bulk up their belonging/significance/influence Your job is to provide food, provide some structure and love them unconditionally Let go of self judgement/what others think/fear <3 Find Julie: www.harmonioustable.netemail at [email protected] Live workshops in Seattle – reach out to hire Julie Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Content: Solo show today – from the car…. Thank you for having grace for my audio quality this week!! Feeling inspired to share with you on my way to yoga class. All about the Iceberg Metaphor Shout out to all the parents of teens out there who are showing up and sharing and willing to be vulnerable Connecting seeing an iceberg as a metaphor for children’s behavior Unwanted behavior is the “tip” of the iceberg The behavior that we see Under the surface - What’s opening the door to the behavior? Perception of connection Perception of influence Perception of mattering Trauma/adversity Kids are ALWAYS making meaning with their underdeveloped brain – and forming beliefs from that place Lacking skills for navigating the challenges/emotions that show up Moving from a place of strengthening relationship as a way to understand what is below the surface, to help us influence the behavior at the tip Episode 104 on Making Amends Always be moving towards nurturing relationship What are some of the things YOU do to look under the surface? Head over to Live and Love with Joyful Courage and share! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Alright - My guest today is Liz Blackwell-Moore. I connected with Liz through my friend, and one of your fave podcast guests, Julietta Skoog from besproutable.com. I am so excited to have Liz on today to talk about an incredibly relevant topic – kids and drugs. GAH. I know. No one really WANTS to talk about this, but we have to. Liz has been working in the field of substance use since 2000. Her current work involves working with community coalitions and organizations to provide training on prevention strategies as well as technical assistance to translate public health research into practice and implement a restorative trauma-informed approach to addressing public health problems. So basically, Liz is going to break it all down for us in a way that is helpful. She lives in Portland, Maine with her wife, two happy kids, and a puppy. Content: Liz shares about her early work with people involved with substance abuse and was drawn to exploring prevention work How can we make “systems” (including the family) better for young people, with more support in their lives? What the “risk taking years” feels like, according to Casey Liz shares her moms’ analogy of the two boats Adolescent brain development It’s like a house being build bottom up Built through interactions and the environment kids experience Reward center develops first – ready to go, “volume turned up” Front, logical part of brain not fully developed, and not integrated W/o the desire to try new things, how would they ever leave home?? The perception and science of marijuana and adolescence National Academy of Sciences – research on the research Young people using Impacts learning and memory Significant effects on mental health “Regular use” – once every 30 days 2xs more likely to become depressed 3xs more likely to have suicidal thoughts Kids with MH issues are more likely to use/self-medicate Initially make people feel calm/relaxed Brain likes to do what’s easy so eventually wants more What about vaping Tobacco companies are SO LAME – trying to suck in kids Some kids just the flavoring Not regulated – we don’t know what is in it Lots of kids ARE putting nicotine and weed into the vape All drugs impact the reward center of the brain – putting young people at a greater risk of addiction later in life Rewires/primes the brain for addiction How do we get them to wait???? Relationship is the most powerful tool we have… Share our values… AND – THEY HAVE CRAZY REWARD CENTERS!!! GAH!!! Be present, listen, develop a strong relationship Set clear expectations – bring it up in a variety of ways Continue to bring it back to what their goals are, how might risky behavior get in the way? Help them to “see” the bigger picture Restorative practices: Hold them accountable while offering support What are you getting out of this? What were you thinking? How else can you get thrills? Social connection? Is this a mental health issue? Having these conversations REQUIRES the adults to be in solid relationship with their kids Also, our stuff shows up and gets in the way – fear, rigidity Ok to say, “this is disappointing” “this is hard for me” – they need to know how they are impacting their parents Teens aren’t great with nuance SLEEP MATTERS!! Natural consequences are powerful Boundaries are MESSY How do we balance nurture and structure?? It’s a dance How do we know when it really is a problem? Major changes in physical appearance Personality Participation Peer group changes Public image has changed org – online resources 20-minute guide – helping parents use motivational interviewing 20inuteguide.com Find your people! There is uncertainty and change AND we all have flexible, learning brains – we can be resilient!! Resources:https://the20minuteguide.com/http://www.drugfree.org/ Where to find Liz: Birchlanestrategies.com (under-construction) Linked in Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a solo show. Today I talk about holding space for having a 15 YEAR OLD!! WHOA!! It's intense. What does this container look like? What does it mean to be present, available and confident. How to “hold the container” Our response matters What to do becomes more clear when we practice being in the moment, vs in our emo/fear Practice being with our overwhelm without letting it takes us over (observers) Our kids make mistakes BUT WHAT DO WE DO??? Kids do better when they feel better. – Jane Nelsen Kids want to succeed, they don't always know how. – Ross Greene A Misbehaving child is a discouraged child. – Rudolf Dreikurs Humans are always moving towards a sense of belonging and significance, am I connected? Do I matter? – from Aderian Theory The most powerful tool you have for influencing behavior is the relationship that you nurture with your child. Choosing into the work of Joyful Courage, which really means being willing to grow and practice awareness, being present to your child and your experience, and hold space for your kids, no matter how they are showing up, THIS will nurture and preserve relationship. Thank you so much for listening today – super DUPER appreciate all you moms and dads out there doing the work of making the world a better place through showing up well for your children!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, thank you for showing up! Tina Bryson is BACK ON the podcast today!! You all remember Tina from Eps 100 – which happens to be THE most downloaded show to date of this podcast. Tina co-authored two of MY fave parenting books, the whole brain child and no drama discipline with Dan Siegel and she is BACK on the podcast today to talk about her NEW book, the yes brain. I am THRILLED she is back on…. Content: The Yes Brain is available NOW Tina is a mama to 17, 14, and 11 year boys Yes brain and no brain approaches A “yes brain” is a mindset of saying yes to the world, open – neurological state, our brain is integrated and linked up… Over time it becomes hardwired A “no brain” is fearful, reactive Prompted by “what are the skills my child needs to be successful?” – Tina and Dan Siegel wanted to go beyond academics and gold stars They need an integrated brain that has a strong/functioning prefrontal cortex Yes Brain has 4 Components: Balance Resilience Insight Empathy Developmental brain/age/temperament matters Tina shares a story about her own son who seemed to be lacking empathy at a young age Brain develops through experience - What we emphasize (as parents) in our interactions create new linking connection in the brain. Use books, shows, and real world experiences to model and draw forth empathy in our kids Trust development, trust that what you are doing will pay off Supporting our children in feeling their feelings – support them as they practice tolerating difficult feelings Normalize difficult feelings… 2-3 tools to put into practice: Sleep!!! When we sleep the brain LITERALLY freshens up Survive emotional dysregulation When kids are at their worst is when they need us the most Co-regulaton – a soothing presence to communicate “you’re safe, I’m here” Build/teach skills to help them regulate themselves – GREEN ZONE Check out Eps 100 to hear Tina dig deeper into this Teach them to understand themselves Rethinking success Our children having an authentic self that they can trust It’s about the journey and not JUST the destination BIGGER than gold stars and academics Eudaimonia – happiness comes from meaning, connection and peaceful contentment Tinabryson.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, thank you for showing up! Todays topic – what it means to hold the container and get the results you WANT My experience of big goals and daily intentions/practices – a bit from my conversation with Edna – areas of growth for me around supporting my clients in declaring and creating results in their lives. Overarching goals “What do you want at the end of our work? How will you measure success?” This can be anything from potty trained toddlers (Katie’s reflection)/easier bedtime/deeper relationship with teens (Lorrianes feedback)/less yelling and more loving… Some is easy to measure, some, not so much…. PLUS it is a pendulum swing Many. Small. Steps. It is so important to set goals – that way you know where you are going. Cruise control vs being intentional Being intentional DOES require you to face some hard truths sometimes, to bump up against thoughts/ beliefs / emotions that maybe you have become really skilled at avoiding AND to live the fullest, most authentic life, we must make room for ALL of it – even the stuff that is hard Setting goals I have weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual goals They all feed into each other The baby steps I take during the week set up my for the monthly goals,etc The ANNUAL GOALS are the container (remember, I mentioned that earlier?) Living the practice It’s not even really about the goals, it is about the journey TO the goals. It is about going 100% Reference Krista’s blog post about 100% is easy https://boldlyembodylife.com/bold-notes/. It’s every moment of saying yes to the practice we have decided to commit to. “To be responsible, keep your promises to others, to be successful, keep your promises to yourself.” – Marie Forleo what this means to me…. Yes to myself for myself GRATITUDE Get yours at https://boldlyembodylife.com/word-of-the-year-2018/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, thank you for showing up! Content: My guest today is Lori Petro. Lori is passionate about conscious parenting and was a guest on Episode 62. She is an advocate for children and families, a parent educator, mama and founder of Teach Through Love. Lori’s journey began as being a misunderstood kid… Followed by HAVING a child and wanting to provide her with something different than what she experienced Lori is a creator/artist at heart wanting to created compassion and understanding in our communication with each other Inspired to create a better world for her kid and everyone else to live in Conscious communication cards Conscious communication – supporting parents in taking their understanding of conscious parenting into the language and way of being they bring to their relationships Staying present and leaving the blame, shame, judgment and guilt behind Communication includes messages we deliver with what we SAY, as well as what we DON’T say, our tone, our body language – we are always sending messages Parents do TO the children to get them to be what we want them to be…. It’s about allowing our kids HAVE THE EXPERIENCE and learning from there SEEING our children in their emotion/experience They are there to provoke us in our own self awareness Listening to understand…. Lean in to understanding our children’s experience and what it is like to BE them… (Lori shares lip gloss story) Otherwise we miss the fullness of what is their life (Casey shares crop top story) Not about saying the perfect right thing, it’s about continuing the conversation with our kids around the places where we want a deeper understanding Tell me more about that… It’s bigger than the make-up and the crop top Opens up conversation Conversations to understand vs conversation that are ultimately begun to convince our kids that we are right and they are wrong 20:40 Aware of when our agenda of fear is clouding their experience of growing into their own maturity Conscious parenting is not one long negotiation Being firm is a piece of it Be ok when kids don’t like the boundary Conscious communication cards Came from ideas that Lori posted on line every week Developed into a model for her parenting program Stress/skills/support Am I looking to help my child regulate? (stress) Am I trying to help my child build and emerging skill? (skills) Am I trying to mend/repair relationship? (support) Divided into two section Behaviors/words to avoid Examples of what to say/directions to go in Target cards What you can look for to find the root cause of behavior 5 steps for peaceful resolution Parents use the cards in many different ways Post them in their world Sit with them at the end of the day and review them IT’S A PRACTICE Daily Progress not perfection (even for Lori) Our brains never stop developing and we can always learn new skills We still have not great parenting moments but we OWN IT Lori shares about her personal practices Finding work/life balance Meditation DAILY mindfulness Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW Context – we all have the power and the skills to be the parent we want to be A recent post from the Live and Love with Joyful Courage community: Can we talk about sharing our big feelings with our kids? My kids are 2.5 and 4.5yo, and I don't know how to share my big feelings in front of them without freaking them out. I want to be able to be my full and authentic self with them, in an age appropriate way. And I realize, the fact that they are upset when I am upset means that they are afraid of my big feelings and may be afraid of their own big feelings. We try to welcome their big feelings (tantrums, disappointment, etc.) but I think we do a miserable job at it. Compounding this, I am someone with explosive emotions. I tend to feel things very deeply and it takes me time to calm down. I have worked hard to make sure I don't express those emotions in a negative or scary way. But instead I most often bottle them up, which isn't good either. Celebrating awareness. Celebrating emotional intelligence. Celebrating authenticity. Celebrating personal responsibility. Misconceptions (in general): not ok for our children to see us upset not ok for our children to FEEL upset they’re being naughty they’re manipulating they’re learning “bad behavior” welcoming big feelings is the same as condoning hurtful behavior This is a POWERFUL example of what I think is the PURPOSE of parenting: to grow into our best selves Children are mirrors not mimics instead, provide a reflection of how we effect the world, what our impact is, what we are inviting Children/parenting journey is an invitation recognizing conditioning recognizing what our “driver” is recognize commitment vs attachment Committed to being a connected parent vs attachment to what that looks like (slippery, perfectionism, comparison) Children/parenting journey is unrelenting The lessons come every day, moment to moment The growth is like peeling an onion There is no where to ARRIVE Child/parenting journey is an opportunity to grow I can’t say this enough Where are your hard edges? Where is there room for self growth? Where can flexibility show up inside of rigidity “I am someone with explosive emotions.” We are ALWAYS evolving What can we learn about ourselves? What can we practice that will be more helpful and less hurtful? How can we deliver our experiences and be heard? How can we create a PRACTICE that honors us and our experience while also models the life skills we want our children to one day embody? Practices are UNIQUE and INDIVIDUAL The myth of “balance” Assumptions about our “roles” Taking care of ourselves and our own self-regulation, in the end, will do more to teach our children and influence their behavior than any tool you can find in a book or the internet. You’ve got this! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome Mercedes Samudio. For almost a decade, Mercedes has been working with families to help them develop healthy communication skills, manage severe emotional issues, develop coping skills to manage behaviors, create dynamic parent-child relationships, and navigate social media & technology as a family. Throughout the course of her career she has worked with adoptive families, foster families, teen parents, parents navigating the child protective services system, and children living with mental illness. In 2014, Mercedes began to transition into her private practice where she focuses on parent coaching and guiding families to reducing unwanted behaviors, developing effective parenting strategies, creating healthy communication habits, and designing social media/tech plans for their household. Content: Mercedes talks about her background experience with teen parents Supporting parents in being confident in their ever evolving parenting identity Where #endparentshaming came from Others/media offering mixed judgments – no one changes when they feel shame/unsafe Movement to get people to see that even when others are doing things you don’t agree with, how to step into empathy to see where they need support People doing the best they can with the tools they have Shame as a defense to our own discomfort “Raising a human while trying to be authentically human yourself” You are bigger than your parent role Take time to focus on self and partner as a tool for surrendering to what your child’s current challenge is When we focus solely on our child’s mistakes, all we see are their mistakes Bring the skills/areas of other parts of our life into the parts that feel a bit shakey 10,000 feet view We have our own shame conversations…. Reframe the expectations you have of yourself Example: how do you deal with things when you are angry? What do I need, what can I do for myself? How can I use my support system to help me? The misperception that conscious parenting shouldn’t be hard Conscious parenting requires us to be conscious parenting 18:30 quote People are attached to their shame – the stories feel familiar Figure out what your stories are that take you to shame People grow and change in space that is free from shame and judgement Considering FOO – Family Of Origin Write down why these relationships matter to you Still want connection… Let them know WHY you want to stay connected (be specific) Then, share what it is that you are going to be practicing and invite the family member into supporting you Ask for alignment CONNECT BEFORE CORRECT (not just for kids J ) Set you boundaries to keep YOUR bucket full for YOU family Shameproof Parenting by Mercedes How to build support with other parents and non parents A shame proof village! What does Joyful Courage mean to you? Being able to find joy even in the times when it’s not happening... I’m still showing up. Where to find Mercedes: Website l You Tube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Content: What it means to be intentional Bringing qualities to OUR body and OUR experience Present moment is key Awareness is grown through practice Getting hooked Our kids behavior as bids The lob Passing on the uncomfortable energy to someone else that can hold it Development Listening, Acceptance and Courage Others – what is being said, isn’t being said, body, etc Self – get still and listen to our inner voice, NOT THE EGO, but the voice that is deeper What is your current story about yourself and your family? Is it true? Byron Katie – turn it around Is it true Finding evidence Accept that this is where you are at. Noticing urgency/frantic energy Unless there is an emergency, this is not helpful BBB Breath Body Balcony Courage to trust Follow your intuition Let it go/surrender Trust the people in your life Trust the process Trust that the people in your life want to live their best life too Making decisions for ourselves VS against the other person/expectation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Guest Intro: Dr. Robin McEvoy is a developmental neuropsychologist practicing in Denver, Colorado. She evaluates and diagnoses a wide range of learning disabilities and learning needs in children, adolescents and adults. This includes the identification of reading disabilities such as dyslexia. She then works with the family to develop a treatment plan to remediate the weaknesses and accentuate strengths. In addition to her private practice, Dr. McEvoy is an assistant professor at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center. Dr. McEvoy has authored a children’s book, Buddy: A Story for Dyslexia (illustrated by her daughter). She is the co-author/editor of the recently published book, Child Decoded: Unlocking Complex Issues in Your Child’s Learning, Behavior, and Attention. Content: Child Decoded – inspired by the tough expectations and increase in labeling/diagnoses of academic/social development. Using a master checklist as a guide for finding what it is they need Checklist is a triage Looking under the surface – physical/biomedical limitations Diet and gut and neurons Parents navigating all the services for their children with complex issues – and feeling as though no one else can “see” their child the way that they can Gather evidence with video and photo to share information about your child Child Decoded fills that gap for parents to go from “I have worries” to restarting when parents feeling stuck in the treatment/not sure what to do or where to go next Modify the environment vs supporting our kids in living in the “real world” Paradigm shift – we can be seeing every child in a more holistic way, look at every child as an individual… Mind AND body Current lens – we tend to treat at the symptom level with the “quickest” approach (lots of times with meds) Sometimes the answer is really simple Complimentary/Alternative medicine Both/and mindset… so many solutions in both western and eastern medicine Putting together the team – who is needed? How do you support parents with overwhelm and loneliness as they advocate for their kids…? Find support on the internet/social media – be proactive in seeking out support Breathe – complex issues or not, you are in this for the long haul What does Joyful Courage mean to you? “Know that you have more experience with your child than anyone else… You know your child the best. Have faith in your child, have faith in yourself.” Robinmcevoy.com l Childdecoded.com Blog l FB – Dr. Robin McEvoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Intro Sharing: Thank you, listeners!! Honored to serve you… Mother’s Journey recap – Seattle, Portland, Boise Orange County, East Hampton, St. Paul – 2018 Mother’s Journey locations Boldly Embody Life – Krista Petty Raimer, Grace, Elevate When I am a yes to trusting, surrender and presence is already there Visioning for 2018 ::::: Sponsor: Thank you, Lovepop! Enjoy a discount when you buy 5 or more cards and free shipping on all orders when you go to www.lovepop.com/joyful ::::: Content: Personal Responsibility and Natural Consequences Natural consequences are what happens when we stay out of the way – they occur when we let things unfold What do we want most for our kids? What are our desired outcomes for this whole process of parenting? Reference to a poll on my personal FB page Who lets their 14 year old daughter hang out in her room with her boyfriend? Two lists activity from Positive Discipline class The only place that our kids can develop life skills is inside of experience… and in relationship with a healthy adults supports that as well… Their experiences inspire and inform future decisions There is a lot learning that we are robbing our children of because we are getting in the way Parents internal experience takes over Mindfulness matters when we are supporting our kids in developing personal responsibility Natural consequences happens when adults don’t get in the way This is a dance – boundaries are respectful kids need them, we need them Kids need to feel the tension Mistakes allow natural consequences – when we let them feel the consequences that show up, that we aren’t IMPOSING there is lots of room to learn Example – homework Help them to expand their perspective of what THEY want Check your assumptions… and check in with your child Humans LONG to be listened to, seen Kids learn personal responsibility through experiencing having the opportunity to BE personally responsible What matters is the relationship – bonded in unconditional love and mutual respect Allow the natural consequence the power that they have Our kids want to feel connected, as though they matter and that they have influence Tools: co-creating routines and agreements, loosen up, ask questions, check your unspoken messaging, family meetings joyfulcourage.com/family-meeting-ecourse We all want our kids to grow into cooperative, contributing adult living good lives What already exists when they make mistakes is powerful! Coming up next week – talking with Robin Sabbag about raising a teen daughter. Sign up for the newsletter – www.joyfulcourage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Tosha Schore, M.A. Tosha brings a burst of energy and optimism to parenting, and will lift your parenting confidence! She is an expert at simple solutions to what feel like overwhelmingly complicated problems. A sought after coach, author and speaker, Tosha is committed to creating a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time. Through her online and in-person offerings, she supports parents to care for themselves, connect with their boys deeply, set limits lovingly, and play wildly. Tosha is a trainer of Hand in Hand Parenting and co-author with the organization's founder, Patty Wipfler, of "Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Challenges." She is also creator of the wildly popular "Parenting Boys Peacefully! A FREE 10-Day Reconnect," and the new online course, "Out With Aggression!" You can find Tosha on her website, www.toshaschore.com, and on FB at Tosha Schore, Your Partner In Parenting Boys. Content: Raising boys in these days of toxic masculinity Taking a hard look at the ways that men are conditioned Creating a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time The question of how to help our boys grow into emotionally intelligent men who don’t see women as objects is worldwide How to help our boys grow up to be peaceful – Huff Post article Move beyond the anger and the fear to what we can DO Opportunity shows up in raising our boys We need to teach our boys that there are lots of ways to be close that aren’t sexual It’s ok to talk, cuddle, hold hands – lots of ways of being intimate Documentary of The Mask You Live InNot giving permission to boys for having intimate friendships with other boys Navigating the jockeying for power among boys Redefining what it means to be masculine What is being modeled in the homes for our boys? Increase our own emotional intelligence and pay attention to how we navigate and model our own upset Boys being encouraged to stuff their emotions Not comfortable with allowing our boys the time and space to have feelings Help them feel comfortable with their full array of emotions – not just anger Popular culture isn’t helpful Advocate/ Fight for the right of our boys to have feelings AND advocate for them to make mistakes and learn from them When our boys make mistakes we need to help them Talk about music lyrics and porn and do it when they are YOUNG Amy Lang – parent educator, parenting through our children’s sexual development Start talking to your boys Don’t let your discomfort get in the way of letting our boys be their whole selves Amy’s short video about having convos about sexual harassment/assault with our kids Talking to our kids about standing up to friends who are harassing others Seize opportunities for modeling/showing them what it looks like to “do what’s right” Story of masculinity inside of supporting a woman on Reddit Acknowledging that standing up for what is right is challenging!! Teachable moments are when they make mistakes and getting into mischief Final thoughts – “hurt people hurt people” – boys and men are hurting and therefore hurting others… when we help them heal from their hurts, we are solving the problem Where to find Tosha: www.toshaschore.com 10 day reconnect parenting boys peacefully www.listenthebook.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Content: I am on the journey with you, I am with you! Highs and lows, you are my peeps! The teen saga continues…. Having a teen is like birth, you think you’re so prepared and then…. Reality hits! Teen brain experiences everything so intensely Eps 115 was all about trust and surrender Celebrate the relationship Using and developing breath as a tool 4:45 Our children are our teachers – they picked us! We don’t know what we don’t know and our children highlight that for us Their way of being invites our “stuff” to the surface We then choose how to respond End of the day – they are operating from their developmental place, limited skills, brain development 7:50 Parenting is a never-ending growth and development workshop – we can choose to resist or to grow/evolve 9:15 There is a purpose to this journey Let’s live a life where we are paying attention Our children show us stepping stones to our own growth When we choose into growth and learning we can influence the experience we are having You can only change yourself, you can’t change others Positive Discipline for Teenagers Mistakes our kids make can rock our foundation and philosophy around parenting Being kind and firm at the same time is one of the pillars Peeling back layers of what that ^^ means Kindness only = permissive Firmness only = authoritarian Kind isn’t NICE, it’s connected, firm is respecting ourselves and the situation It’s about progress not perfection, and becoming ever more AWARE of what is happening for us Making agreements is a kind and firm PD parenting tool Get into our child’s world, here what their needs are, share what we need, make a plan together, declare a deadline, follow through (parents) “What was our agreement?” It’s not about being nice while we deliver a consequence… The invitation is to make agreements with YOUR children Not necessarily about the problem we solve, instead it is more about the life skills the kids are practicing inside of the agreement-making Not about finding a solution that lasts forever – every solution has a shelf life Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guests today are Shannon Kinney-Duh, creator of A Free Spirit Life, and Ashley Walburn, owner of Home Holistic, and the founders of The Mindful Mama Movement – a podcast, community that empowers mamas, encourages authentic living and celebrates what it means to live an inspired life. Shannon and Ashley bring women from around the world, in all stages of motherhood, on a journey of learning how to trust ourselves, how to listen to their intuition, how to let go and forgive, and how to embrace imperfection in the mess of life. They inspire others to practice mothering from a place of presence, creativity, humor and wisdom. ----- Content: How Ashley and Shannon met The birth of the Mindful Mama Movement Podcast The power of trusting our gut is the work of parenting Popular opinion vs turning inward towards our intuition Inspiring women to trust themselves and reconnect to their own intuition Moving from survival to space in our life to enjoy it We are good at the head stuff by dropping into our heart is a powerful way to shift into being with our family HAHA!! Interrupted by the birth of a baby J ((real life people)) Woohooo – Ashley shares the birth story that interrupted our show Creating communities for mamas Going to yoga class and staying for connection with other mamas Who are you? How are you? Inviting community to be together and real Being part of community allows us to discover our own value and wisdom Online communities can be places of powerful discovery, allowing for thought time and the possibility of going deeper Themes that show up in groups – “Am I doing it right?” “Am I okay?” “Is this normal?” “What am I outside of mom?” “How do I find balance and flow while being a good mom?” Exploring our roles People are seeking to be real We are better mamas when we nurture all parts of us Theme that shows up with mamas is desire for simplicity – declutter, let go, surrender Jaws theme music is not helpful!! Where to find Ashley and Shannon: Mindful Mama Movement podcast FB Page l FB Group l IG Ashley: Home Holistic FB Page Shannon: A Free Spirit Life Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices