Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today’s guest is Dr. Sarah Bergman Lewis. Before attending medical school ,Sarah helped to found a middle school called the Seattle Girls' School. As part of her 5 years with the Seattle girls' school she did admission and taught 6th grade Sarah attended University of Washington Medical School. She completed her pediatric residency at Seattle Children's, has worked in urgent care at Seattle Children's Hospital, then as a primary care physician. She and her family later travelled to Guatemala for 3 months where she worked in a local hospital and her kids attended school. Her family will return again this year for a visit and to help launch a partnership between a group of Seattle pediatricians and the Guatemalan hospital. Outside of works there is pursuing her yoga teaching training certificate and enjoys learning about sharing Integrative Medicine tools with her patients as part of a collaboration between Odessa Brown Children's Clinic and Arc of King County. She is helping devise the curriculum for a mindful self compassion course for Spanish speaking parents which she will co-facilitate in the spring. Her husband Steve is a nonprofit executive director. She is a mom of two delightful children. Today we are talking about navigating our own self-healing. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: Parenting from wholeness, not fear Adverse childhood events and how they affect parents and parenting Adverse childhood events study explained The dose response effect to adverse childhood events How ACE scores impact health (physical and mental) risks The shadow side of resilience Behavior as a solution to a problem we don’t know about Epigenetics, what is it and what does it have to do with behavior? Being aware of what drives our internal “shark music” Exercising self-compassion around when you’re going to work on your issues How the way we talk to ourselves impacts how we talk to people in our family What embodiment means Encouraging embodiment in our kids Guiding conversations about embodiment Discussing screen time with our kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

First – let me tell you how much I love the show, Parenthood, on Netflix.... Casey is on solo with you today digging into what it means to trust the process in the context of parenting, Positive Discipline, and leaning on our relationship as the most powerful way to influence our kids behavior. What does this mean? Hitting stage Homework stage The relationships/ life skill development journey When we are stuck in a place with our kids it is easy to believe that it will “always be like this” Change happens over time If we want something to be different we have to BE different The dance we do with our kids has explicit steps, well choreographed over time All it take is one person to change the dance (YOU) What it means to be in an honest open relationship with your children What can feel like the dark side Curiosity and stalling when you don’t know what to do Notice your fear and let it guide you to pausing Gather your resources Listen to your gut How to voice concerns without blaming or condemning (thermometer activity) Encouraging vs discouraging out kids When they are discouraged by OUR behavior they shift OUT OF taking responsibility or even thinking about their own behavior Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Bonnie J. Rough, who is an author, journalist, and speaker focusing on families, health, education, parenting and sexuality. Her latest book is Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality. has written recently for the New York Times on t eaching young children about boundaries and consent and the value of childhood crushes , The Atlantic on both the link between sex ed and gender equality and improving school sex ed , the Washington Post on why it’s important to teach sex ed in mixed-gender groups , and New York Magazine on raising kids without sexual shame . Join us! "What I learned is that the focus on helping kids wait longer is really not and should not be the end all. It’s really more about how can we prepare them to have a positive experience.” “The Dutch parents who I met and the American ones too who have inspired me on this really are prioritizing their relationship with their kids over their ideals about what and when their kids will do things.” “If we have those open lines of communication we actually have more control than if we forbid.” “The more open and transparent we can be with our kids the better.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Cultural differences between the US and Amsterdam around gender equality, nudity, and sexuality Normalizing conversations about sexuality Separating nudity from eroticism Differences in sexual health outcomes between US and Dutch teenagers Ways to keep lines of communication open with your kids Double standards applied to boys and girls Why helping your child maintain cross-gender friendships The importance of knowing your kids’ friends What the research says about teenage sex What to do when you feel you’re late to the party in talking to your kids about sex The importance of not having an agenda when having those curious conversations with kids Owning when we feel awkward or uncomfortable Navigating fear and baggage to become available for conversations with our kids Expanding our own knowledge base to have better conversations Where to find Bonnie: Website Twitter Facebook Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How we influence the iceberg Clients come to me to talk about kids behavior Battles over homework Power struggles Screen time addiction Getting out the door We are mega focused on fixing those problems The iceberg- behavior we see is a solution to a problem that we may or may not know about Example that we played with a few weeks ago in parenting class: Child won’t get ready to go in the morning and family is late getting out the door Two options for response: What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate? Bribes, threats, punishments What is happening for this child that is getting in the way? Go to the source Tell me about the mornings…. I notice that…. How are you feeling….. With new information you can make a plan together to support the child (and you)n in doing better Transparency Rowan talking about the future Agitated, closed off, defensive Often my response is irritated that she cant “have” the convo We both are discouraged and the convo is over Maybe I am engaging the wrong conversation Helpful to know what shows up for her when the invitation is to talk about future What is the experience? IS it only with me or others? Might there be a benefit to talking with someone else if not me? What would be useful about having a vision of the future? Deeper even still I notice when this is the conversation you….. I am curious about that? How does it feel when…..? Sometimes our kids refuse to go there…. How do we let go? What do they need? Recognizing/acknowledging our tendency to hold on/get rigid/ let fear or our agenda drive us…. Mutual respect – respect for child and for self and the situation Honor who they are and their temperament I am ALL IN, lets go deep and swirl around and grow and learn and be super transparent and get it all out – don’t hold back. I process out loud and in the moment…. This is not the way of everyone, def not my daughter. Summing it up: Recognize how we are contributing to challenges Own it, and get curious about your child’s experience. Identify the ACTUAL problem Be an open, nonjudgmental listener Look for solutions (related respectful reasonable helpful) Be respectful Honor who you child is in word and action Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Sid Garza-Hillman, who is a podcaster and youtuber. He's the author of Approaching the Natural: A Health Manifesto and Raising Healthy Parents, Small Steps, Less Stress and a Thriving Family. Sid graduated from UCLA with a BA in philosophy and is a public speaker, certified nutritionist and Small Steps Coach. He teaches people around the world his unique small steps approach to healthy living at www.smallsteppers.com. His latest podcast, What Sid Thinks is currently available on iTunes. Sid is the Wellness Programs Director at the Stanford Inn Eco Resort. He's an ultra runner and race director for the Mendocino coast 50k trail ultra marathon. Join us! "However you want to parent, you can't pull that off unless you're feeling good in your life” “If we can sort of tip the scales in our favor most of the time, then we win the day” “We are not robots. Our kids aren't robots. We're humans with human emotions and experiences and lenses and it's just so messy.” “If we can really focus on how we be and how we show up, that's going to inspire, inform, empower and influence what we do.” “Maybe the perfect version of the human being is one that that is about self care and compassion and has a core of ethic that informs their actions most of the time. ” “Who am I at my best?” “You've been defining yourself by how you've been in the external world, when that's been in complete conflict with actually what you stand for and what you value.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Breaking old patterns and habits - managing expectations The knowledge and implementation gap Small Stepping - what is it and what does Are poor choices your problem or your solution? Finding ways to manage stress and making choices to increase the likelihood of success Dissipating stress - making healthier choices to do so Setting the stage for actual change vs relying on willpower Identifying who you are as a parent Reminding yourself of who you are Change as a process of coming into alignment with who you really are Mistakes as a way to model the human experience Dealing with making mistakes with your kids What is a small step? The Goldilocks effect of stress - what is it and how do you find it?? The value of outside interests in parenting and relationships The role of joy in how you show up as a parent Finding 10 minute pockets of joy and what to fill it with The role of self care in our attitude towards parenting Resources: Raising Healthy Parents: Small Steps, Less Stress and a Thriving Family Approaching the Natural: A Health Manifesto Small Steppers Where to find Sid: Website What Sid Thinks Podcast Youtube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Screens Why? It is coming up in the Joyful Courage Parents of Teens community, it is coming up in calls with clients, it is coming up in my own life and practice with my kids FOR CERTAIN: it is a big pain in the ass Today I am going to share and inquiry from my own experience – not because I know the way, or I have it all figured out, but because I am IN IT with you. Remember last April when I had Dr. Delaney Runston on and we talked about her documentary, Screenagers? There are so many pearls of wisdom and research in my convo with her – be sure to listen or relisten - http://www.joyfulcourage.com/podcast/140 I also had a powerful conversation with one of my colleagues, a positive discipline Lead trainer, about this during the teen summit, which is available to invest in through the end of this month at joyfulcourage.com/teensummit I spoke with Kim Muench about this back in episode 82 – Parenting in the Age of Smart phones… Plus, it has come up in loads of other conversations IT’S NOT GOING AWAY Here are some of the pain points I am hearing from the community AND experiencing myself: Limits and boundaries How much to monitor Broken agreements The arguing The internet is forever How will they develop real relationship skills when everything is over text/IM/Snaps Online/SM bullying Sexting/nudes How much time is too much time to be on their phones How to be the lone parents who waits to get their child a phone How to support kids with friends when they don’t have SM/phones Restricting what they do/see on their devices Begin real and honest about our OWN (parents) phone use Using devices as avoidance/escape Let’s check in with the kids: How did you feel about making agreements about screens? What is your experience with social media? What do you not like about the phone and SM? What kinds of things do you see happening? Where do you feel like it gets in the way of life? Or do you? What do you like about it? How do you feel about me when I am on your case about your phone use? What do you see me modeling with my phone use? You have some restrictions on your phone – is that helpful? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Oren Jay Sofer, the author of Say What You Mean - A Mindful Approach to Non-Violent Communication. He leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication at meditation centres and education settings around the US. Oren is a graduate of the IMS Spirit Rock teacher training program. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University, teaches in the Insight Meditation community and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a certified trainer of non-violent communication. Oren creates mindfulness training programs for a number of organizations including Mindful Schools, Kaiser Permanente, and 10% Happier. He lives in Richmond, California. Join us! "If we can’t actually listen to each other and have a meaningful conversation when we disagree, it’s impossible to work together to address the challenges that we’re facing” “We can’t wait for the opportunities where presence is needed to practice presence.” “Even when we can't meet our child's needs we can help them to know and recognize that their needs matter to us.” “Our feelings are a reflection of our needs.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Being in response vs reaction Communication as a way of navigating conflict mindfully 3 foundations for successful conversations and effective communication The role of presence in communication The ambient stress of raising a child Owning our responses in times of stress Exercising self-compassion in relation to parenting-related stress Integrating moments of awareness into your day Creating daily rituals into mindfulness Mindfulness as a way to mitigate cumulative stress Mindfulness as a way to be present in our relationships Mindfulness as awareness and a way to raise our baseline kindness and presence Preparing for parenting with mindfulness through practicing Practice as a way of creating a new way of being Creating awareness of the impact of our actions on others Discussing our needs instead of blame Being realistic about our ability to meet all of our child’s needs Intention in communication and mindfulness Approaching communication from a place of curiosity and care Curiosity as a way of being The need for intention to be genuine Feelings of a reflection of needs Increasing emotional literacy to enhance communication Helping children to problem solve as an alternative to “consequences” Connecting before correcting Conflict as an opportunity for learning Where to start when you realize you need to improve your communication Learning to pause, be curious and consider the needs of others Connection through perspective shift Resources: Say What You Mean book Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) Text “guided” 44222 to sign up for a short ebook and free guided meditation series Where to find Oren: Website Instagram Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Youtube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Recap of the summit What happens when we start having real conversations? Community/support Seeing participants in real life Recognizing our attachments and course correcting Gratitude to guests Gratitude to participants $109 and it is your for eva Saw Brene Brown Seen before Appreciate her realness Familiar stories Story of daughter swimming and conversation around being brave IS winning Are these the conversations we are having with our kids? Are we explicit? What we notice and what we speak Life skills/qualities Negativity bias How often they ARE using tools/skills – it’s just when they don’t if feels so PAINFUL Our expectation of mastery Layers going on under the surface (meaning of behavior with Alison Smith 110, Iceberg Metaphor solo show 129) What it takes to stay focused under the surface Vulnerability and humility – it may not be about you Faith Trust/surrender – let go of your attachment to how you think it should be, and also the idea that you KNOW what’s happening for your child when they haven’t expressed it The idea that all humans ultimately want connecting and to know they matter. All of them. We are hard wired to connect Our language and messages: Week three at MMS we dug into encouragement vs praise Process oriented Really seeing the child Naming qualities with evidence My story this morning with the waffles and “what do I do with the mix?” I notice, I appreciate, I trust/know/have faith Not for the short term/immediate – but for the long term, internal voice (ep 136 with Kelly Bos about how NOT to become the voice of your child’s inner critic) it is about below the surface, about supporting our kids in changing what they believe about themselves I am going to do a webinar this month in the Patreon community to diver deeper into encouragement and I hope you join in! The Joyful Courage Super Fam is a group of parents who are giving $10/month to the podcast to support in the sustainability and create a win/win. Members of the community enjoy monthly webinars and online support through our closed facebook page. Check it out at www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage Have a beautiful week my friends!! I am going to be watching my tone this week and really working on the sometimes unspoken messages I am sending to my kids when I am less than mindful of what I am doing – and clean up any messes along the way. Big love!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Rachel Butler. She is an executive and professional coach, an organizational health expert, a wife and mother of 2 boys she is one of those unique women who is both powerhouse and presence. She's a master in organizational systems and she's worked with over 325 organizations. Rachel embodies what it means to be an empowered woman and a conscious mom. Rachel and her mama business partner Gillian Rowinski are the voices behind Unlearning SuperMom a feminist website that supports equal rights and opportunities for women and empowering all of us. We will be discussing Unlearning SuperMom. Join us! "Our culture has clearly defined what being a good mom should look like and it is oppressive. The martyrdom of being busy, being agreeable, putting everyone else first, running yourself ragged. If super mom is who we become when we are in this world with our eyes closed then unlearning her is a deeply courageous feminist act.” “Are we doing it because it's a “should” or are we doing it because it’s something that brings us joy?” “It’s really hard not to get into comparison-itis.” “I sort of reject that idea that the major measure of success in parenting is enjoying it” What you’ll hear in this episode: -The impact of childcare costs on returning to work for moms -The emotional conflict about returning to work -Keeping it real as a mom -Who is super mom and where does she come from? -Re-learning our inherent self-worth that is not based in accomplishment -Motherhood and martyrdom: when we put ourselves last -Motherhood messaging and where it comes from -History of motherhood and women’s work -The perceived value of women based on their relationship with their children -Child centred social media messages and guilt -The value of the messy middle -Being aware of social media messaging and how it impacts us -Where do you start unlearning super mom? -Ways to dip your toe in to shifting towards unlearning super mom -Stages of learning from awareness -The mental load we carry -Checking in with your body Resources: Women Who Run With The Wolves 16 Second Meditation Unlearning Supermom Retreat Where to find Sara: Unlearning Supermom Instagram Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show all about being the calm inside the storm. That is the dream, isn’t it?? Listen in as I tease apart what this means and offer ideas and strategies around hwo to get there more often. · Parenting class · Summit · Podcast conversations · E+R=O · Events and experiences…. 3 Bs · What if nothing changes? · What if all we have is how we feel inside of the experience? · What do we want to BE/FEEL/CREATE?? · Feedback matters – internal vs external validation · Parenting is a PART of our life that can feel like our WHOLE life · Energy of emotion · Personal work, small steps with Sid, ACES with Sarah – unlearning supermom · Stuck in what it should look like · What about acceptance of what is? What about surrender to not knowing the outcome? · Influence yes. Hard work and practice, yes. · AND you decide how to respond from life --- worry fear, that is the present moment experience you create. Openness, love, that is the present moment experience you create. · Think about, bring about – energetically we are always influencing our life, our experience Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves... ::: Join Patreon Sign up to be a part of the Patreon community today!! You will enjoy monthly webinars, online coaching and support from a caring community of like minded parents. Click here for more information. ::: Today’s guest is Sara Harvey Yao. Sara is a leadership consultant who has developed more than 4,000 leaders across the globe. She specializes in helping leaders navigate pressure and stress by staying present in the moment. Sara is the author of two books, Get Present and Drop In. She’s the mother of two teen boys and can speak firsthand to how the power of presence can transform the parenting experience. We will be discussing. Join us! "Naming feelings opens the doorways for the energy of emotion to metabolize.” “When we’re in emotion, we’re in a different part of our brain than the language center so it’s often hard to articulate what we’re feeling.” “Anger...is a signal fire. Something is going on here. It’s a sign your boundaries have been crossed.” What you’ll hear in this episode: -How naming emotions helps us process them -Facilitating our movement through emotions in the parenting journey -The power of acknowledging, even to ourselves, when we are struggling -Feeling vs thinking -Attitudes and beliefs about feelings that contribute to feeling “stuck” -Helping our kids name and process feelings and the role of modeling -Normalizing emotions for our kids -Anger as a secondary emotion -What’s really under anger -Exploring our triggers and where our feelings are coming from -Establishing a common language with your kids to discuss feelings -How to support ourselves and our kids to regulate emotions What does Joyful Courage mean to you? The courage to try something new and if that’s new to, I’m going to try a new parenting technique, if that means I’m going to sit with a feeling instead of stuffing it, I’m actually going to say something instead of not saying something, any new behavior to me takes deep, deep, deep courage and when we take those leaps into courage, for me it always ends up being really joyful. There’s such an empowered, a sense of empowerment and it leads to new opportunities or new directions that I might not have known about if I hadn’t been courageous. So those two words fit so beautifully together, it’s just joyful courageousness when we try something new. Resources: Get Present Drop In Dan Siegel, Flipping Your Lid Listen to past show with Sara: Episode 68 Listen to Mindfulness Min Summit Where to find Sara: Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn ::: Audio Summit for Parents of Teens One week of real conversations PD trainers who have already been through it The launch starts January 1st Summit will run January 28th – February 1st REGISTER NOW – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit ::::: Be a Subscriber Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!! CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Happy New Year!! Hope everyone had an easy breezy holiday. Grateful to friends and family and all the ways we were supported to enjoy the season. So much to be excited about. Compassion and integrity. Today, I am going to share a bit about a book I am reading that is really blowing my mind, it is called The Path is Everywhere; uncovering the jewels hidden within you, by Matt Lacata. If you’ve listened to the show for very long, you know that I love my energy worker/reiki master friend (shout out to Jessica) and she has turned me on to the work of Matt. I am using this book as part of my soul care time, reading a few pages in the morning to gather inspiration. I am not very far into the book, and what I read this morning gave me pause and I decided that now would be the perfect time to bring it here to discuss with all of you. The first part of the book is about what the author calls our “shadow” – this is the part of ourselves that lays dormant until it is jostled into wakefulness. Another way to make sense of it is the way that we feel when we are triggered. Our shadow is who takes over when we are riding the emotional freight train. The parts of ourselves that we may cloak in shame or guilt – the parts that we keep hidden. Most of us have a tendency to want to hide our shadow, keep it deep inside of ourselves, not let it see the light of day. Many of us may think we are pretty successful with this – until we aren’t. A lot of the clients I see come to me because their shadow is making appearances in the parenting journey and they want to fix it, they want to make it go away. I have a shadow as well – she wants control and order, she wants to know the outcome, and she wants everyone to be on her agenda. My shadow takes the behavior of others deeply personally, quickly manifesting fear, rejection and disrespect whenever I experience criticism and ridicule. My shadow, your shadow – our shadows are a part of who we are. And if, like me, you subscribe to life being purposeful, then perhaps our shadow isn’t something that we should turn away from, or get rid of. Perhaps our shadow is something we can turn towards and get curious about. You all know that I love the personal growth and development conversation. You know that I see parenting as one long personal growth and development workshop. And if you have been listening for any length of time, you know that I am deeply invested in supporting others in doing this work along with me. This is why I am talking about shadow work today. On a personal note – I want to share solidarity to all of you that deal with partners overseas and single parents. Ben has left us to do some big work in California on the electrical grid. We don’t know how long the work down there will take – could be months. I know it isn’t the SAME as being a single parent, I know that I have the luxury of knowing my partner will be coming home eventually, but I am looking at an extended period of time holding space for the kids without their dad here…. Clearly I will have ample opportunity to lean into the TRUTH of my experiences vs finding short term relief from what triggers me… Self care will be crucial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s content: Parenting through the self doubt and worry Parenting teens – why have a separate group? What is missing from the resources? The continuum of behavior Attachment and getting a life Intuition and trusting your gut It gets ugly Feeling isolated/shame/ Lisa Fuller episode 87 Why meditation/yoga/journaling matters What it really means to be aware The tight rope Kimberly Muench eps 158 Pendulum swing Trust and surrender over and over again It’s a crap shoot – the myth of “good parenting” It’s their journey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Stacy Davison. Stacy is an instructional coach, entrepreneur, new mom to a rainbow baby boy. Last year Stacy and her husband started the company Personal Peptalk, a line of motivational and uplifting products which they design, illustrate, and self-publish. In her weekly motivational email on her podcast Stacy candidly shares how she dominates life challenges more mindfully. We will be discussing positivity in parenting and life. Join us! "It’s easy to meditate up on the mountain top but eventually you have to come down and buy groceries.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Finding zen where we are - preparing for the Super Bowl moments The challenges of motherhood and the importance of being real about that Shifting perspective on suffering Choosing love, joy and compassion in moments of difficulty How hanging onto suffering hurts us Letting go of people pleasing to ask for what you need Positivity in times of sorrow Supporting friends in times of loss Love bombs - what they are, how they help Shifting to empowerment and choosing what you want to cultivate Being a joy detective Choosing not to be defined by the things that have happened Resources: Pep Talk Decks Where to find: Personal Pep Talk website - sign up for her Monday Morning Motivation Personal Pep Talk podcast | Personal Pep Talk Instagram | Personal Pep Talk Tattoos | Personal Pep Talk Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show! News: No shows in December, Happy Holidays! January Parenting Teens Audio Summit, YAY!! Launching the first of January – stay tuned to register Summit is live January 21st – 25th Validation, inspiration, nuggets to PRACTICE Patreon Woop woop Alternative to membership program Opportunity to be in exchange of energy patreon.com/joyfulcourage $1, $5, $10/month options $10 private FB group, Chaos to Calm Ecourse, monthly Webinar based on the questions that are coming up in the group This week’s content: Positive parenting is easy when there isn’t a lot of challenge – more challenging when our kids are rubbing up against our triggers Toolbox metaphor Higher our emotion, more likely we use desperate tools (rewards and punishment) The more tools we put in to toolbox, the more likely it is that the ineffective tools of rewards and punishment slide to the bottom We can always do better Relationship matters!!!!!! When our relationships are disconnected, navigating behavior in a harsh way isn’t useful for anyone Fear takes us towards harsh punishment Mistakes are opportunities to learn There are always consequences Inviting out kids into relationship Can feel uncomfortable Taking accountability for how the relationship currently is and get vulnerable Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we stop being curious with our kids Start paying attention to the body Support ourselves by noticing what is happening inside We get more access to our toolbox when we are grounded and neutral At the end of the day what is most useful is your relationship NOT permission for being a permissive parent – still hold boundaries Stronger relationship the more likely your child will open up and talk to you Creating an environment where our kids can thrive and be a soft landing when they get it wrong Shame/blame does not promote accountability and personal responsibility Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Tammy Keeces, Head of School at Irvine Hebrew Day School, a former teacher, a positive discipline trainer and mama to three teenagers. She has a Bachelor of Psychology from UCLA, a Masters from Columbia University’s Teacher College in Curriculum and Instruction. She’s currently working on her doctorate. We will be discussing responding to tragic events like the Tree of Life Synagogue tragedy, as well as Judaism, positive discipline and how we can all support each other better. Join us! "None of us should feel alone.” “People are children and they just want to belong.” “God gives us many opportunities for goodness and kindness and this is another way for us to remind ourselves that we need to have hope and we need to have love.” “We have to come together now, more than ever.” What you’ll hear in this episode: How Irvine Hebrew Day School handled the tragedy in Pittsburgh Developmental appropriate levels of information about tragic events Balancing the feelings of parents and children in the wake of tragedy Meeting hate with love - finding inner resources in the face of fear Ways to encourage our kids to accept others The freeing power of compassion Parallels between the Torah and positive discipline How non-Jewish people can support the Jewish community Teaching our kids about leadership and civic responsibility What does Joyful Courage mean to you? It’s being brave every day, to make the right decisions for ourselves and those that love us and inviting joy despite the challenges, despite the heartache, we have to choose joy and that’s what you’re doing every day with joyful courage and I think that there’s no other way to live our lives at this point. Resources: We’re All Wonders book Where to find Irvine Hebrew Day School: Facebook Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Jeremy Schneider. Jeremy is a Marriage and Family Therapist whose career spans more than 15 years of working with individuals and families focussing on parenting, relationships and mental health. He is the author of Fatherhood in 40 Minute Snapshots and has been featured on the New York Times, The Today Show and CNN. We will be discussing co-parenting and alignment with our partners. Join us! "Every step that I take in my personal growth is one less step that they have to take.” “A lot of parenting is about experimentation.” “You just get better the more you do it. Just keep trying.” “We don’t want to be the same parent. We just want to be parenting in the same direction.” What you’ll hear in this episode: -Journaling as a way to maintain perspective -Examining our principles of parenting -Deciding what kind of people we want to raise -Personal growth and parenting - how they relate -Co-parenting and being in alignment with our parents -Fatherhood and parental involvement of dads -Finding balance as co-parents in agreeing on a parenting approach -The importance of parenting education -Navigating parenting as a dad when you feel uncertain -How Dads can model emotional expression for their kids -Approaching our partners with curiosity about their parenting approach -Parenting as a practice -Finding harmony in parenting styles What does Joyful Courage mean to you? Having survived a fairly traumatic childhood, I think about courage a lot. I don’t normally think about it in terms of myself and that’s something that I’ve been working on to give myself credit for how far I’ve come and what I’ve been able to do and the kind of relationships I’ve been able to build within my family. I think Joyful courage is being able to enjoy, not the success, I’m trying to think of the word, being able to bask in this life I’ve built. It took a lot of work to get where I am and my wife and I have worked very hard to get where we are together. And we’ve worked very hard to survive as long as we have with our kids and get this far and I think, to me, one of the phrases that I play a lot in my head is happy chaos. I think of our life as happy chaos. Chaos doesn’t have to be bad and that’s kind of the way we think about it. My life is chaos, it’s just straight chaotic, because having teenagers and wanting to be there for them and wanting to be there for my wife and build this business and so and so forth; it’s chaos. But it’s a happy chaos because it all involves things that I love. And to me Joyful Courage has that same kind of feel, right? It’s the freedom, the sort of joyfulness of doing something that takes an enormous effort and overcoming anxiety and fear to be able to do it but that doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It can still be joyful in that experience of it. Resources: Fatherhood in 40 Minute Snapshots Where to find: Website | Facebook | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo Show this week! First – continues thanks for all of the feedback around the last solo show, where I shared about navigating my daughters mental health issues. It means the world to me to know that the content of the show is landing for you, and making a difference in your life. This week I am talking about our boys. Toxic Masculinity We have to do better for our boys Partners – emotional intelligence is for everyone Posturing Fragile Egos Curiosity Routine of talking about how we feel It’s not coddling – if we keep toughening them up and having them suppress how they feel we will continue to see cultures where war and violence exist Not blaming Not from a place of fear We all get to be full humans Boys and their fear of labels Build Skills More than just “walk away” Saving face w/o being a dick Being a champion People like him. He can take criticism, doesn’t make people choose friends, and doesn’t blow off someone for a better offer. When people are harassed or demeaned, he intervenes. He’s comfortable hanging out with guys who are both inside and outside the box. He holds his own opinion, but still listens to others. TALK ABOUT IT BEING HARD VALIDATE THEIR EXPEREINCE SUPPORT THEM IN RESPONSES TO LIFE This isn’t helicoptering Belonging significance influence Aren’t feeling it, they will take it where they can Posturing Insecure OR entitled All boys fall into a role where they feel safe Talk to your boys Keep talking Talk about emotions Check your “should/shouldn’t’ at the door Be open, own your mistakes, encourage them when you see life skills on display Love them up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Jennifer Griffin. Jennifer is the mother of four, has her masters in counseling psychology with 30 years of experience guiding children and adults on their relationship journeys. Jennifer is a DIY maven, specializing in leading individuals to uncover the messages in their chronic health conditions and their children’s challenging behaviors. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: -Simple, yet powerful techniques to heal at home -Taking back your power after trauma -What is EMDR and how can it help you heal? - How our kids behaviors can mirror our own unexpressed feelings and frustrations -How acting out can relate to our own inner struggles - The iceberg of behavior and how that relates to our children’s behavior and the way they channel their parents frustrations - Resisting the urge to “fix” - Understanding generational patterns - The role of balancing chakras in your child’s behavior -How claiming our authenticity and expressing our emotions can change how our kids express themselves through their behavior Resources: Channeling QuestionnaireEmbracing your child’s tantrums as a gift - Elephant Journal article Where to find: Understanding Morning Sickness as a Gift Understanding Your Child as a Spiritual Gift Facebook | Twitter | Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show – sharing from personal experience Recap what is happening with my teenager If you listened last year, you heard the struggle Online school Clients I’ve worked with Friends confiding in their experience What the stats say My experience of finding information What my gut tells me The ways the world has changed Why it’s so hard Weight of fear/possible outcomes Lack of control Our own stories PD is belonging and significance Power of perception What do we do when something feels “wrong” without giving message that they need to be fixed The challenge of meeting them where they’re at My experience with this…. Not knowing what this means The dance of acting/fixing vs validating/being The iceberg Tip of the iceberg They won’t talk, can’t identify what’s “wrong”, tears, withdrawal, aggression/defiance/anger, shut us out Grades/friends/activities Bad after school special Under the surface Hopelessness/fear/not know what or how they are feeling Feelings of disconnection Out of control Anxiety/depression The range…. Not all or nothing Grey areas Our own beliefs about mental health My experience, looking back I was afraid to call it what it was because it made it true My upbringing of not using things (family drama) as a “crutch” messaging Enmeshment/codependency I am going to get really vulnerable and highlight something that I see showing up because of the dynamics that are currently alive in my family My experience with needing approval – give me the gold star, tell me how great I am Wanting it from my family, especially my dad and step mom Now noticing that I am searching for it from my daughter NO BUENO Getting spiritual Carolyn Myss My experience of energy work in the context of my relationship with Rowan Life happens for us, so…. This is an experience that is happening for me? For Rowie? Acknowledging my controlling tendencies and the message it sends Letting go/backing off Having a plan (with school) about what I will and won’t do with a request Treatment Counseling, naturopath, energy work – this is what WE are doing You do you. Make choices for your kids. Listen to your kids. Listen deeply. Hear without fixing Ask permission Give them space and trust they will come to you Don’t be afraid to go big if things feel really off Ask hard questions GET SUPPORT TALK TO EACH OTHER Quit dismissing teens by saying “everyone feels that way” because even if it’s true this is not what they need to hear – they NEED to feel seen and heard Check your expectations at the door, accept that this is a part of your parenting story Take care of yourself Check your codependency GET HELP – if your gut tells you that what is happening with your child is extreme, seek help. I say this to you and to myself. We will get to the other side of this, my friends. And only we get to decide if we get to GO through this time of our lives, or if we GROW through it. Thank you to all of you parents of teens, those of you who are personal friends who have been brave enough to be in conversation with me, clients, listeners – you are not alone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Debrena Jackson Gandy, a best-selling author of three books, a keynote speaker, a world traveler, a transformational coach, a thought-leader, a sacred self care expert, relationship coach, founder of Juicy Woman University and The Love Academy. We are discussing creating juicy lives for ourselves. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: -Pampering the mind, body and the spirit -The nourishment of the spirit and why it matters -Why the first 9 years of life are so important to our beliefs -Getting past our own default mode -The guilt that comes from tending to self and martyrdom -When you feel bad about being good to self -The Sacred Self-Caring lifestyle vs. the lifestyle we inherit through default -Satisfaction, joy, ease, peace and flow: how to find it -Finding a new default for sacred self-care -The difference between the being and the doing - and the exhaustion that comes from all the doing -Division of responsibility for children within the home between parents - joint responsibility -How mothering behavior can block fathering and shared parenting -Being the architect of our own lives -When your “thought ware” isn’t aligned with being the architect of your own life -Baby steps to getting back into alignment -Debugging our programming -How beliefs impact attraction -The path to transformation -Getting curious about beliefs to make changes -Morning rituals for prayer and meditation -Discerning God’s voice from your inner self talk -The importance of asking in prayer -Understanding our own greatness and how that impacts our ability to live our birthright Resources: Free Gifts from Debrena’s websiteDebrena’s books, courses and more Where to find: Website | Facebook | Twitter | Youtube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Returning to the practice What Positive Discipline is to me…. Belong significance Iceberg Encouragement Kind and firm Presence/seeing/listening What I have learned over time My own beliefs get in the way Fear manifests as control and rigidity Trust is the theme of my life What it means to have a practice Taking care of me Exploring worthiness Developing intention Modeling what I want Returning to the basics Check assumptions Read and learn about development! What speaks to you??? So many people and programs…. What/who makes sense to you? Where do you feel seen? Things to keep in mind There is no perfect Spirituality/energetics matter – this is bigger than me Its messy, not formulaic Blame serves no one There is no end point Finding a sense of peace inside of the chaos is life goals Comparing is not useful – ever You are the parent your child picked, not because you are perfect, but because you are you. Parenting is an opportunity to heal old wounds, to mend relationships, and grow as an individual, if you let it be Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Kim Muench. She is a JAI Institute for Parenting certified parenting coach who works with moms of preteens and teenagers. She is the mother of 5 kids ages 13-31. She writes about conscious parenting, provides one on one coaching and workshops to help support moms towards intentional parenting. We are discussing detaching from the outcome. Join us! "I want to help shift the consciousness of the way that we’re parenting, especially our teenagers.” “We want to give them opportunities and choices. But you absolutely have to have some boundaries and structure in place.” “What do we stand for? What do we value? What do we try to instill in our kids?” “You cannot give what you do not have.” “These bumps is where we grow character.” “You can be right or you can be in relationship." What you’ll hear in this episode: -When children arrive at adolescence - The balance of boundaries and relationship building with our teens - Choosing your battles - Defining your family values - Setting an example for your kids - Defining non-negotiables - Ways to offer choices to your teenager - Detaching from the outcome - Prioritizing personal care and personal development - The illusion of control - Individuation and what that can look like - Supporting our kids in making better choices with alcohol - Being okay with kids failing or things taking longer - Trusting vs hovering - learning to detach - Taking a long view to your relationship with your kids Resources: Episode 82: Tweens and Smart Phones Where to find: Website Facebook Twitter Facebook Group Real Life Parenting Community Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW!! Woohoo – how is YOUR back to school? This episode acknowledges what we are all going through as we support our kids and ourselves in coming back to a back to school routine. I know, it is hard to shake off the summer. But that is what is happening. I share about my own experience with sending off two kids to two very different school settings, and what is coming up for me as they navigate the transition. And the navigation is still VERY MUCH ALIVE!! I mention tools and strategies for finding peace and flow, or at least dull the roar of making this shift, and I am so happy you are listening in!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Heather Chauvin. Heather Chauvin has been named the next generation’s thought leader in parenting and women’s leadership. Her mission is to crack women open to their deep potential. Heather is a TEDx speaker and the creator of the Mom Is In Control podcast and has been featured on the OWN network, Huffington Post, TV outlets and others. With wit and wisdom, Heather inspires a global community of women to take back control of their lives and evolve how they want to lead, work, play and parent. We are discussing mindful meditation. Join us! "There was always this contrast of who I wanted to be in the world versus who everyone else thought I should be." “We can’t get our children’s respect unless we respect our children and deeper than that, we need to learn to respect ourselves.” “Mindful meditation to me means awareness. Simple awareness.” “Really, it’s about doing less.” What you’ll hear in this episode: - The importance of mindfulness for parents and kids - Sustainable ambition theory - Survival Mode, Momentum, Thrival Mode - Learning to live outside of survival mode - Meditation as a tool in parenting and life - Why it’s easier to teach a child to meditate than an adult - Co-creation as mindfulness - Mindfulness for older kids - Parenting as emotional growth on steroids - The value of quiet - Listening to your child without trying to fix them as mindfulness - Giving yourself permission to let go of how things look - The responsibility of personal growth and the intergenerational impacts What does Joyful Courage mean to you? Being yourself, simply put. Being yourself and having the courage to figure out who that is and what that feels like and just keep going after the things that light you up, because that’s joy and it’s going to be uncomfortable to do that. Resources: Heather’s TEDx talk Teach Your Kid To Meditate Where to find Heather: Website Mom is in Control Podcast Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW – woohoo Let’s talk about intuition today…. Well, I am going to J Connecting dots with Eps 154 Dan Siegel interview The ability to sift through the experience you’re having and everything that is calling inside of you – and create space to show up as our best selves We all have an inner knowing, inner voice – where we can tap into deep wisdom Making sense of our spiritual experience Finding intuition while navigating my parenting How conditioning supports/gets in the way How do we tease apart intuition from fear/conditioning/doubt “What if the first hit is true?” “What if our stories and experiences are offered to us to develop our intuition?” Growing our “hub of awareness” requires practice PRACTICE MATTERS Becoming an outside observer takes practice We move towards what is familiar Sacred Contracts Caroline Myss Trust What happens when we choose in to the practice of developing space for our intuition? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Doctor Dan Siegel. Dan is a clinical professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA school of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Centre at UCLA. He is also the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute which focuses on the development of Mindsight, teaches insight, empathy and integration in individuals, families and communities. Dr. Siegel has published extensively for the professional and lay audiences. We are discussing his new book: Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence. Join us! "The most important gift we can give our kids is showing up with our mental presence, not just physically being present but to have the state of awareness and open to who they actually are." "Presence is a state of perceptive awareness." "Information is transformation." "You have the ability to cultivate the presence of mind through these very simple and accessible practices that are going to bring health to your body, slow the aging process, reduce stress, all these positive things and the same exact process, developing your hub of your wheel of awareness, presence, can actually deeply enrich the way your child is soaking in his or her relationship with you and developing this experience of being seen, of being soothed, of being safe, of being secure that research shows is exactly what your child needs to optimize how they go out into life, and that's something you're empowered to create." What you’ll hear in this episode: -The wheel of awareness - what it is and how it helps -How awareness impacts your body and health -How being present impacts the speed of the aging process -Wellbeing and how it is enhanced by being present -Relationships with your kids and how being present improves it -Cultivating awareness -Role modelling resilience -How awareness feeds connection vs control -Impacts of a lack of structure on the brain and future of children -Authoritative parenting vs Authoritarian parenting -Why we need the village and how that creates stress for contemporary parents -Finding joy, tranquility and connection through expanding awareness -Flipping our lid, learning from our body's signals and how awareness can help -Monitoring and modifying for self-regulation and to improve responses to stress -The 3 O's what they mean Resources: Mind, A Journey To The Heart of Being Human Brainstorm, The Power and purpose of the teenage brain The Whole Brain Child No Drama Discipline The Yes Brain Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence The Telomere Effect by Elizabeth Blackburn Where to find Dr. Siegel: Facebook Twitter Youtube Instagram LinkedIn Website Mindsight Institute UCLA Mindful Research Centre Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Naomi Gottlieb-Miller. She is a mom, yoga teacher, self-care advocate, Air Force spouse and Star Trek nerd. She is passionate about working with busy moms and empowering them to take better care of themselves so they can re-write the story of what healthy motherhood feels like. She loves to make yoga fun and accessible for everyone she works with. Naomi is passionate about helping people find space for their daily yoga practice. We are discussing yoga, self care and parenting. Join us! "Yoga is not just what you do on your mat but it's how you live your life." What you’ll hear in this episode: Parallels between yoga and parenting Self exploration in yoga and parenting How what we read influences our perception of how we parent Making decisions about what matters to us vs what we "should" do Yoga on social media and competition The five second rule and how it relates to self-care Habit change personality types Yoga as a practice and how it relates to ego The difference between simple and easy Feeling into action and engaging - in yoga and parenting Being with the discomfort in parenting and yoga Therapeutic irritation and holding space and identifying appropriate times for release Creating conscious conversations with our kids Baby steps for starting yoga Starting small as a way to inspire more future What is a mantra and why is it helpful? Resources: Naomi’s introductory Yoga videos on her Youtube channel NaomiGottliebMiller Where to find: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Youtube: NaomiGottliebMiller Transform Chaos To Calm Program Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Katie Hurley. She is a child and adolescent psychotherapist specializing in anxiety disorders and stress and learning differences and author. She is the author of The Happy Kid Handbook and No More Mean Girls. She runs empowerment groups for girls. We are discussing girls and their relationships. Join us! "We have to load them with coping skills because life is hard." "Teach them coping skills. Teach them how to be kindness warriors. Teach them how to engage in a positive way on social media so that other girls start to follow suit...." "We owe it to our girls to stop labelling them and let them grow into themselves." "The more we fail and the more we fail out loud and accept it and acknowledge it and talk about it with other people, the more we grow as humans." "We have to stop this cult of perfectionism among our girls and the best way to do that is to really open up to them and tell them what we go through." What you’ll hear in this episode: -The changing landscape in the world of girls and bullying -Why these relationship challenges are starting earlier than ever -Toxic competition and how it impacts relationships between girls -How conditioning for high achievement can impact girls -Shifts in educational expectations and how that affects children -How attitudes towards sports have changed and what that has meant for girls -Social emotional learning and the expectation it should happen at home vs. at school -Belonging and significance in relationships between girls -How building empathy can be helpful -The Iceberg Metaphor and how it relates to conflict between girls - Protective instincts and how they impact coaching empathy and understanding -Clique behaviors and how they can impact girls -Modelling those behaviors as parents and exercising compassion in moments of frustration -Social media culture and how it removes safe spaces at home from interpersonal conflict between kids -Checking off the boxes and how it can create overwhelm -How not letting kids make choices can create stress and cause problems later in life -The importance of coping skills and raising kindness warriors -The impact of how we talk about school shooters and how that impacts their in-school relationships -How social engineering by parents can impact our girls -Understanding where parental interference in interests and social relationships can affect them -Peer pressure among parents to "check the boxes" for our kids in terms of their extracurricular activities -How labels affect and limit our girls What does Joyful Courage mean to you? To me, it just means being joyful about taking great leaps. It's okay wherever you land. Know that you're okay wherever you land and you can always make adjustments and give it another shot. Resources: The Happy Kid Handbook No More Mean Girls Where to find Katie: PracticalKatie.com Facebook Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Danielle Slaughter. Danielle is an Academic turned mommy. She has Bachelors of Arts from the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor and a Masters of Arts in English from Georgia State University. With a doctoral background in English, focusing on Rhetoric and Composition, Danielle likes to call herself and mothers like her “Mamademics”. Mamademics is a merging of her two “careers”–motherhood and academia. She lives in Atlanta with her husband and two sons were she runs both of her businesses Mamademics and Raising an Advocate. Danielle has an award-winning blog as well as composition work. She is a 2015 recipient of the Type-A Parent’s We Still Blog Award. A 2016 recipient of the Conference on College Composition and Communications Scholar for the Dream Award. A BlogHer Voices of the Year Winner for 2016 and 2017. As well as a two-time nominee for an Iris Award for Most Engaging Content (2017 and 2018). I found Danielle this past spring when I was searching for the voices of POC in the parenting world. If you listened to episode 142 you know that I made a pledge to search out a variety of voices and personalities to come and be on the show. Danielle does really important work, and I recently completed a course she offers called “Raising an Advocate” – Danielle has written a lot about the role white women play in raising social justice advocates, as well as the power white women also have to get in the way of social justice…. Where to find Danielle: Facebook | Mamademics Website Check out Mamedemics Website to get to the Raising an Advocate course Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW!! I am on speaking directly from the tranches…. Feeling the stretch and pull of raising adolescent kids. Kind and firm, yes, and IT’S HARD!! Moving into summer and thinking about routines and agreements. Enjoy! Eps 96: Melissa Benaroya talks Summer Routines and Structures Eps 129: Solo Show - Using the Iceberg Metaphor to Understand Behavior::: Become a Joyful Courage PATRON! You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is a opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Lindsay McCarthy, author of The Miracle Morning For Parents and Families. Lindsay is a homeschooling mama with two children, a writer and the founder of GratefulParent.com. We are discussing how you can integrate The Miracle Morning For Parents and Families into your day. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: -How The Miracle Morning For Parents And Families came to be -What the Miracle Morning includes -How to involve your kids in your Miracle Morning -The power of waking on your own terms -How waking up early adds capacity for parents to expand their emotional resources -The value of unstructured play and creating as a practice for kids -Creativity, Health, Affirmations, Reading, Meditation and Service, and how they can help kids start their day off right -Habit stacking as a way to build a Miracle Morning -How a Miracle Morning can help you look at bedtime routine -Building flexibility into your Miracle Morning -Starting small with habit changes -How to encourage older kids to participate -Combining components of the Miracle Morning to save time -Trying a Miracle Evening as an alternative What does Joyful Courage mean to you? To me, courage it means being afraid but doing it anyways. Like, writing a book, for example. And then the joyful part of that is just allowing it to really fill you up and spread light to the world. Stepping into your own light and your own power and doing the things you're afraid to do anyway. Resources: The Miracle Morning For Parents and Families The Miracle Morning for College Students The Miracle Morning Where to find Lindsay: GratefulParent.com Facebook Group - Miracle Morning For Parents And Families Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo Show – woop woop! It is all me today people, and I am so excited to be sharing some powerful thoughts and experiences with you today. Wading through our experience to support out children The writing process Going deeper into what parents can uncover/discover for themselves We have an external experience of raising kids – everything that happens outside of us We also are having an internal experience – the ways that our physical body feels, sensations, also the emotional experience that we are having, what gets brought up by the external stimuli External and internal are both happening at the same time Based on what our experiences have been in life, our relationships in life, we have a lens that we see the world out of Sometimes the internal response “works” for us We have a well wired survival system – amygdala – but our survival system isn’t always what is needed in our daily life The pendulum swing of raising/living with teens – everything is great until it is not, parents are the anchor that witness/hold space and it’s hard to remember that the behavior is a pendulum swing. Connect /loving vs dysregulation/discouragement We (parents) go into “fix it” mode Alternative – recognizing what is happening physically in my body, seeing what is happening for me, what is the lens I am looking out of? Fear – tension in the body – belly/jaw When kids feel discouraged, they tend to want to share the feeling with others Looking below the surface - the iceberg metaphor Episode 129 Episode 103 Episode 110 Today is a reminder that there is so much going on under the surface…. Curiosity as a guide AND it’s ok and important to recognize where you are at physically/emotionally and taking a pause to get yourself together Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Nathalie Savell of the Empowering Stepmoms Summit. Natalie is a holistic psychotherapist, a certified holistic health coach and a certified stepmom coach. She sees psychotherapy clients dealing with anxiety and life transition challenges, relationship issues and spiritual disease in person, via video chat and through walk and talk sessions in Baltimore, Maryland and coaches stepmoms virtually to help them go from overwhelm, confusion, stress and resentment to confidence, clarity and connection. We are discussing thriving in step parenting. Join us! “People have more power than they think. I hear a lot of stepmoms feel so out of control and so disempowered by the ex, the kids, whatever their partner is doing and there is support out there." "It doesn't take as much as you think to get on a path that's a lot more helpful that makes you feel a lot more empowered." "Get the support that you need and deserve. Reach out and get it." What you’ll hear in this episode: -The mind body connection -Flexibility and how that relates to kindness and firmness -The Think Tree exercise and how that facilitates flexibility with boundaries -Building connection in step-parenting -Control and step-parenting - finding balance -Adjusting from step-parenting to raising one's own child -Parenting and commitment -Co- parenting as a stepmom when the child's other parent doesn't want them to participate -Establishing boundaries for self care -Giving yourself permission to have feelings about your stepkids and not feeling pressured to feel loving all the time -The value of couple work in being a united front -Finding bottom line things you agree on and where your boundaries are What does Joyful Courage mean to you? I love the term Joyful Courage so much. It's like the courage to keep doing the work. The courage to keep going and you know, I call the stepmoms in my group "stepmom warriors" some times because I'm like "You're a warrior, keep fighting, keep going, fighting the good fight to be a loving person." For me, it's like a spiritual warrior for being on a path of love. It takes a lot of courage because it's not easy and a lot of people are going to judge you. And a lot of people are going to naysay you. And to add in that joy in there, so not only are you being brave and courageous, and like keep putting one foot in front of the other but how can you have fun while doing it and why not? So why not peel back the layers and see how you can be childlike in your battles, in your love battles. I think we all need to be that way, to have fun, so it's important to take things lightly at the same time that you work hard at them. Resources: Interview series on NathalieSavell.com Where to find Nathalie: Nathaliesavell.comStepmom Strong Coaching group on Facebook Stepmom Strong Facebook pageStepmom Strong Coaching on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show: Here we are – a new week, another school shooting Expanding from the family unit and into the community Choices we have when we see people who need help We are all in this together – in this life It takes a village and we have to look out for each other All kids deserve advocates, not just our kids What can I do to support connection, feeling felt, feeling understood, inside of my community? Political conflict in the family…. My story and how my brother saved the day Conscious parenting is really conscious living Understanding is not the same as accepting or valuing what others value Belonging and significance matters for children AND adults Listening to understand We get to look out for each other “I see you” Declaring to inquire about mentorship at the local HS What is the action you will take? Resources mentioned: Eps 133 – Politics and Parenting Take the Next Step – Community resource organization Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Deborah Reber, mother of an autistic son, founder of Tilt Parenting to help parents find more peace, joy and support along the way while parenting an atypical child in a conventional world. We are discussing her new book. Join us! “It's hard to know what to do when you realize your kid is atypical." "Kids who are exceptional really just means the exception" "We have to battle our insecurities maybe a little bit more because what we are doing isn't necessarily working." "Behavior is all information. It isn't personal." "Judgment is where we create separation." What you’ll hear in this episode: The loneliness of raising a differently wired kid Accommodating kids with invisible differences Introversion vs extroversion and how they are perceived in the classroom Applying positive discipline parenting philosophies to differently wired kids Managing expectations in problem solving when raising neuro atypical kids Becoming aware of our own judgements of other people's children How to be a support when you see a child acting out in public Approaching neuro differences as parents and discussing them with our kids Educators and parents of neuro-typical kids as allies to parents of neuro atypical kids What does Joyful Courage mean to you? I just keep thinking bravery. I think the parents who are raising kids who are moving through the world a little differently have to be brave even when they don't feel brave and so I would say, "Keep going back in, when we have a bad day and showing up and being present with bravery. Presence and bravery. Presence has been the thing that has changed my experience with Asher more than any other tool and it's in the presence that I've been able to find joy in our parenting together. Resources: Differently Wired Where to find Deborah: Tilt Parenting l Facebook l Twitter l Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW!! Teacher posted about a difficult class… Response about “parenting style” naming “gentle parenting” and followed up with a post about “helicopter parenting, mom and dad are friends, no discipline or consequences….” Lets talk about this: The swing from authoritarian to permissive What is kind and firm Authoritative – structure and freedom The most important tool we have for influencing behavior is the relationship we build with our children – that is what this week in the Academy is all about. No boundaries/limits – not a solid relationship No voice/ freedom – not a solid relationship Mutual respect? Problem solving? Dignity in tact? – Dignity, the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. Helicopter/lawn mower/permissive parenting ROBs children of the discomfort of learning from their mistakes. It robs them of the opportunity of making things right and fixing their mistakes. Robs them of the opportunity for problem solving, accountability, ownership. Authoritarian parenting ALSO robs kids of opportunity. When we parent from a place that threatens punishment for making mistakes, kids no longer have the luxury of learning how to really think through the decision making process, instead, they learn the “better not do it cuz I don’t want to get into trouble” or “better not get caught” Authoritarian parenting can often lead to a lack of respect in the relationship. Guidelines and boundaries INSIDE OF a solid, respectful relationship will increase the likelihood of cooperative, contributing children. KIND AND FIRM – listen to your body, are you in alignment with your values and what the kid need. There is WISDOM IN THE BODY, PAY ATTENTION. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Mary Nelsen-Tamborski, a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Diego and also a certified positive discipline trainer and parent coach. Mary’s formal training is secondary to the life training she got from her mother, Dr. Jane Nelsen, a marriage and family therapist and author of all the positive discipline books. Mary is a popular keynote speaker, and workshop presenter. We are discussing mistakes as opportunities to learn. Join us! “I find that these principles are universal so they are great, obviously for parents and children but it's also just human beings in general.” "The lens that we see our kids out of is everyone being equally worthy of dignity and respect it's no wonder that how we treat our kids , it should be a mirror of how we treat our friends and how we treat our coworkers and the checkers at the grocery store. It's about human to human relationships." "You have to break down to break through." ` What you’ll hear in this episode: How positive discipline impacts other relationships in our lives Positive discipline as a theory and the reality of implementation Mistakes as opportunities to learn and navigating shame Solutions oriented problem solving versus consequences Dealing with your own emotional stuff when encountering challenging behaviour The role of regular family meetings The importance of apologies Making amends after we make mistakes What to do when you "lose it" Post-conflict communication and rebuilding closeness Managing triggers and being called out on your stuff Learning and growing as a family in positive discipline Assumptions & consequences - 3 R's & 1 H Brain development and consequences Genuine curiosity and asking curious questions to improve communication Curiosity as a way of being Shedding ego to engage in a meaningful way Connecting early to keep the lines of communication open for adolescence Treating your children as friends - a positive discipline perspective Resources: Jane Nelsen’s book Serenity Where to find Mary:Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Thank you community! You are all so amazing. TOGETHER we are making an impact on the world. Today is a solo show…. I am getting vulnerable once again and shedding light on an area that I am not so proud of AND see as an opportunity for us all to grow as humans in relationship with each other. The white bubble. I know I am not the only person that lives a really homogenous life when it comes to diversity. AND, I know that many of you can celebrate LOTS of diversity in your life and relationships. Today I just wanted to call myself and anyone else in the community out in an effort to DO BETTER. The world is made up of a variety of people, from a diverse pool of cultures, experiences, and backgrounds. When I look out into the “positive parenting” world, I see lots of white faces. When I think about the people that listen to my show and participate in my community, I see a lot of white faces. I love all those white faces AND, I am recognizing that I could do more to bring more diverse voices onto the show and into our community – and into MY personal life as well. AND, because I get to speak from the platform of Joyful Courage, I get to be transparent and invite you all to join me. Whew! I am excited! We all get to take steps to shift the way the world is currently operating, and those of us with privilege, even if it is simply the color of our skin, have a part to play in that shift. I hope you will join me. And for those of you in the community who ARE people of color, please feel free to reach out and let me know how I can do better! I value your voice. Help me find guests that can tell stories and give support from a POV that is different from my middle class white woman lens. I love you all! Thank you for listening!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So thrilled to have Aubrey and Becky Springer on today to talk about how to take small steps to make a big difference. We all hope that our children will be in service to the world, that they will WANT to make a difference, to make the world a better place. Today’s show highlights what it can look like when being in contribution to the community is the default for a family – and how the way we impact our kids, through the experiences we invite them into, can impact the world. “We all belong to each other.” – Mama Becky Links mentioned: Support Aubrey’s Project Glennon DoyleTogether RisingUnion Gospel Mission Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Delaney Ruston, a documentary filmmaker. She believes in helping kids find balance in our tech filled world. She loves engaging audiences in solution centered discussions. We are discussing her work making the film Screenagers and how to support our kids with finding balance. Join us! “Just start with one simple change that you want to make and the real growth is when you talk about that with your kids and you show them your journey in trying to make that change.” “Maybe just pick one thing that you could decide to do that you’re not using tech as you normally would.” “The key, the most absolute important thing about it is starting with something positive about technology.” “The brain has a really hard time holding two opposite truths at the same time and it’s particularly hard for kids and teens.” “To find sustainable solutions for tech balance and the child and teen brain we’re going to have to work together.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The neuroscience of technology use and over-use The individual child and technology use - micro impacts vs metadata Setting attainable goals for technology use reduction The power of changing just one thing Recognizing the difficulty of cognitive dissonance in conversations about technology Reducing defensiveness in technology conversations Why 30% of families are struggling with daily fights about technology What studies say about parent device use Distracted parenting and interactions with our kids Learning new skills: how this changes as kids grow Self-regulation and parenting involvement in creating limits Setting aside screen free time as a family Technology and sleep - setting boundaries for wellness Guidelines for young kids to set the stage for later technology use Sleep time, Study time and Family time - technology boundaries Digital etiquette ideas When you’ve given up and need to reign things in Taking stock of how we use our time How to bring Screenagers into your community School policies: prevalence of device use in middle and high schools Impact of device use on academics in middle and high schools Resources: Tech Talk Tuesdays Where to find Delaney: Screenagersmovie.com l Delaneyruston.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s podcast was created in honor of the 159 parents who enrolled and engaged in the #joyfulcourage10. Today we complete the program, and begin the practice of sustaining the magic and community that was created there, because of the people who showed up vulnerably, authentically, and courageously. I love what I get to do. Thank you to each of you that spent the last 10 days building relationship with me and each other. YOU ARE AMAZING!!! Alright – today’s theme for the show is authenticity and transparency. Parenting as a journey Not a secret No hidden agenda About being in human relationship Modeling Life skills are learned through modeling Vulnerability and authenticity is learned through modeling Kicking it up a notch is lifting up and OUT of the modeling and being transparent Human relationships are messy. Parenting is messy. Life-iing is messy. When we actively, intentionally, decide to SHIFT the way we parent, we set ourselves up to be exposed as flawed humans. Hello vulnerability Hello humility Hello contrary to the “adults are always right” While the whole Positive Discipline/Positive Parenting approach is SIMPLE – I mean, choose relationship and trust that your children will lean life skills – WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL??? Right, and then we are in life and it is a shit show. Defeat Self talk Comparison-itis Giving up Be transparent! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Genevieve Simperingham, a counsellor, an AWARE parenting educator, a writer, a group facilitator, meditation teacher and founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute in New Zealand. Over the last 24 years, Genevieve has presented hundreds of workshops and courses. She has parented her own kids using attachment principles and she seeks to empower parents with the tools that result in increased harmony, trust and cooperation in the family unit. We are discussing peaceful parenting our teenagers. Join us! “It’s about bringing into your parenting not just how you should respond in this situation or in that situation and our different approaches and techniques (which are really, really important) but it’s all about who we are as a person and who our child is as a person and the dynamic and the energy between us.” “We shouldn’t be in fighter stance simply because we have teenagers.” What you’ll hear in this episode: What is peaceful parenting and how it is different than some of the more mainstream behaviorist parenting approaches. The Centre, Connect, Communicate approach Stress management, self care and healing trauma and how they relate to parenting The need for authenticity in empathy and curiosity The biggest hangups for parents around peaceful parenting teenagers Having tough conversations with your teens without shorting out the connection at the outset Setting and holding limits within the peaceful parenting framework Sex, drugs and alcohol use in teens - is it better to allow at home or to restrict? Reducing power struggles and rebellion Educating and empowering teens to make their own choices Reconnecting to move past conflict What does Joyful Courage mean to you? Joyful courage to me, it connects me with that last bit that we were just talking about, to me it’s about joy we feel in the heart and it takes a lot of courage to reconnect. So to me it’s about opening the heart and allowing the joy, the enjoyment of the relationship, of the connection to come back in and that takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable again. It’s easier to be hard and defensive and stern and it takes courage to open the heart come back to the joy of that beautiful connection again. Resources: Aware parenting Where to find Genevieve: The way of the Peaceful Parent Facebook Group Facebook Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Gratitude to the community, specifically my one on one clients and the membership. Themes Collective experience My own filter Always in the learning, growing, developing Humaning is simple, not easy Knowing what we want, not taking action to get there Identifying what we want Reading/learning tools/strategies Sitting on the outside of it Procrastination Self talk Sneak messages Fear/worthiness/perfectionism Finding Nemo Working so hard to get to his goal Dealing with the monkey mind of dory (is there a metaphor here?) Perseverance despite fear Turtle Come into the current, dude Less effort Less resistance More results Bigger possibilities The Secret/ Law of Attraction / FLOW What is this all about? The Law of attraction is the belief that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts people can bring positive or negative experiences into their life. The belief is based on the idea that people and their thoughts are both made from "pure energy", and that through the process of "like energy attracting like energy" a person can improve their own health, wealth and personal relationships. What you think about you bring about Yes thought AND actively taking steps that move you in that direction NEMO HAD TO SAY YES AND ENTER THE FLOW TO BE A PART OF THE FLOW What the heck does this have to do with parenting? Paying attention to the flow What makes it easy to be easy going, even when things are challenging? What do you notice about when your family is more easy going? Under the surface/foundation Routines Common language Needs are met Connected Belonging and significance Have you defined where you want to flow to take you? More of a way of being than a destination, unless you are setting specific goals It is an ACTIVE process – we must be in action FLOW state shows up because it all becomes easier the more we choose in Choosing in I say this a lot Being a yes Seizing the opportunities to “practice” the tools TAKING ACTION If you want things to BE different then you need to BE different Interrupting the patters Discover what your patterns are Pay attention/mindfulness Ex – phone use When do you use it What do you notice about right before you pick it up? Where do you use it What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to do something different/interrupting Leaving it upstairs in the morning Ex – getting mad at my teenager/taking her angst personally When do you do it What do you notice about right before you yell Where are you typically when you yell What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to practice something different Internal work of allowing HER to be responsible for her feelings and allowing ME to be responsible for mine Creating a “one liner” that supports me in knowing/sharing where I am at Taking care of myself Offering my daughter opportunities to develop tools for taking care of herself – LIFE SKILL Ex – being resentful that no one “helps” When do you do it What do you notice about right before resentment shows up Where are you typically when you are feeling What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to practice something different Creating routines around that particular time of the day Getting face to face and asking for help Smiling Listen, we all thrive in community. We thrive when we are being supported and joined by a bunch of other people who are diving into the practices and the work that we are engaging in. Do yourself a favor and JOIN THE #JOYFULCOURAGE10 – this is EXACTLY what you need to step into your OWN flow of parenting. This is the jumpstart you need to manifest the family vibe that you desire. We are on a collective journey, and the #JC10 is the party bus you didn’t know that you wanted on – disco ball and all!! Sign up RIGHT NOW, we start April 1st – www.joyfulcourage.com/jc10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Kelly Flannigan Bos, MSW. Kelly is a clinical therapist focusing on individual, marriage, and family relationships. She helps people find meaning and joy in their relationships - with themselves and others. As a well-known relationship expert, she has appeared in a professional capacity in countless media markets as a guest and writer. Today we are discussing an article she wrote in November called, “I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic.” Join us! “We’re not always going to have the perfect reactions and we can certainly apologize when we haven’t kept our cool or done the right thing. There’s ways to model other things like resolution or forgiveness.” “Does a good brow beating make us feel better, more able to face the challenges ahead of us? Usually not. We often shame ourselves into inertia. Would we ever say these words to a friend? There is a better way. We can be kind to ourselves and get better results and I definitely want kind self talk for my kids." “It’s a constant journey but it’s one I know I want to be on so I just keep starting again and if I can be self-compassionate to myself, then I have something to give outside as well.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The role of self-compassion in parenting The three tenets of self-compassion Moving past the isolation of the shame of not meeting our own expectations Over-identification with our problems and how mindfulness can make a difference Worry and the reality of the lack of accuracy of our future prediction Phases of parenting and worry Brain development and parenting – developmental challenges Getting out of the emotional whirlwind The role of self-comfort, recognizing and acknowledging our own suffering Self-compassion as a way to build capacity for parenting challenges Self-compassion and it’s relationship to compassion we can extend to others Self-compassion for avoiding depletion Making self-compassion part of common language in the family Family meetings as a vehicle for communicating self-compassion Separating the child from the behavior Problem solving to avoid over identification with problems Fear as a barrier to positive parenting Self care as self-compassion What to do when you have no room for self-care Resources: I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic Where to find Kelly: Facebook Twitter Instagram Website Youtube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Not a lot of show notes today… I am sharing the feedback and follow through of the Parents and Politics show and talking about letting go of attachment and fear. Enjoy!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Rebecca Eanes, the author of two books for parents: Positive Parenting The Essential Guide and The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting. She is back to talk to us about her newest resource for parents: The Positive Parenting Workbook. Rebecca leads a community of over a million on her Facebook page, Positive Parenting Toddlers and Beyond. Join us! “I see and speak about parenting as a journey… and the journey is a continuous invitation to continue to practice being the parent we want to be as often as possible.” “Parenting is one long personal development workshop.” “My kids are the best mirrors because in them I have seen my own negative attitudes and bad moods and emotional reactions in really every area that I needed to improve upon.” “I think we definitely grow ourselves up in the process of helping our kids grow up.” “Our kids are going to make mistakes every day. If they had perfect parents, they would not know how to get through this world.” “Be as gentle and respectful with yourself as you are trying to be with your kids. You are not perfect either and you don’t have to be. We are all growing, we are all learning, we are all flawed, and we all need grace. This is a journey and there’s not a destination yet that I’ve seen. It’s an ever going thing so be good to yourself along the way.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Dealing with swearing and supporting kids in navigating different rules in different situations Positive parenting and what it really means The role of mutual respect in positive parenting Identifying underlying issues under disrespect Shifting focus: from disrespectful behavior itself to supporting learning that leads to respectful behavior. Leadership in positive parenting Non-negotiables and positive parenting The value in personal development and parenting Moving from behavior patrol to positive parenting The origins of the Positive Parenting Workbook Discipline as part of the parenting pie 7 Pillars of family culture as part of positive parenting Words of wisdom for parents working towards positive parenting Resources: Positive Parents websiteThe Positive Parenting WorkbookThe Newbie’s Guide to Positive ParentingPositive Parenting: An Essential GuidePositive Parenting In Action Where to find Rebecca: Facebook TwitterInstagramPositive Parents websitePinterestCreative Child Magazine Mother.ly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Politics and Parenting - can we keep them separate? Do we want to? I don’t imagine that everyone who follows Joyful Courage share all of my views. I am guessing that you all realize that I am a flaming liberal – and if you didn’t, well, cats out of the bag. I support dignity and respect for all humans. Black lives matter to me. Immigrant lives matter to me. Woman having equal rights, including rights over their body matters to me. I believe that people have the right to gather and worship in a way that works for them. I believe in climate change and the duty we ALL have to honor the earth. I believe that people who are raised to feel connected, loved and as though they matter don’t show up at public or private events with the intent to kill. I do not believe that private citizens have the right to own weapons of war. I believe our schools should be safe and secure. I do not believe that teachers should have guns. I believe in a health care system that is proactive in supporting the mentally ill. I believe in compassion. I believe in civic action. Some of what I just shared may turn you off to my work and my message. I hope it doesn’t, because at the most foundational level, I believe in love – living it, spreading it, being it. And that is what will save the world. “Love thy neighbor as thyself” is a message of all major religions – and when THIS is our come-from, when THIS message is what we start to live, the world will be healed. And I acknowledge that it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to put ourselves out there and speak our truths we don’t want to offend we don’t want to argue we worry about what people think we want everyone to be comfortable And right now the environment is so TOXIC! It is so challenging to talk about the issues that matter the most to us. It is scary to get vulnerable and say what we need to say, to lead from the front. Today I declare that I am no longer going to worry about ruffling feathers. I will continue to share the content that you have come to love, and I will elevate it by pushing my fear aside. I will bring more of myself. I will bring more of my authenticity and truth. I will leave behind wanting everyone to like me. I am done with school shootings, and my guess is you are too. It is time to have hard conversations. It is time to look for solutions. It is time to get involved, ask questions, reach out and trust that your voice is valued. Humans are hurting. Weapons of war are too available. Schools aren’t secure. So lets do something about it. Today is about action. Thank you. Thank you for listening. I feel as though it is my responsibility to speak these truth, it is my responsibility to not pretend that all is well and good and that the world our children are inheriting is going to magically be peaceful. We are in the creation of the world we live in. Everything we do is part of the creation. What we buy Who we vote for Whether or not we speak up when we get that intuitive hit that what we are witnessing is wrong We are in the creation even when WE DO NOTHING. Even when we turn away because it is too hard, or too scary, or too vulnerable – we are STILL in the creation of the world we live in. I choose to be in action. And I hope you join me. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Liz Haske, a mother, an international teacher and instructional coach and children’s book author. She has over 15 years elementary classroom experience in six different countries and is super passionate about empowering children to be their most courageous selves. Her first book, When Worry Takes Hold, was released in November 2017 and aims to help young children cope with worry by using mindful breathing. Join us! “It’s about a young girl who’s afraid to do different things and she realizes that she has the power inside her and if she puts her hands on her belly, she can be brave.” “Stories help us be better people if we are reading the right books” “We want to empower these little people to realize they can do it. They can develop the tools and they can be confident and they can face what is presented to them in healthy and positive ways.” “Worry gets bigger and bigger the more that we do it.” “We can be brave, and everyone has worries … whether it’s helping our kids be brave or us being brave to face whatever parenting challenge it may be.” “Courage is just a deep breath away.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The basis & inspiration for When Worry Takes Hold Worry as a visitor and the power to ask it to leave Acknowledging & expecting worry Externalizing worry and setting limits Following the why – getting to the root of big feelings Manifestations and signs of worry Addressing underlying worry vs. addressing the behaviors Taking a wide view to problem solving worry How not to take worry related behaviors personally Why trying to talk kids out of their worries doesn’t work Managing worry as a practice Tools for managing worry and how they can be applied to other situations Mindful breathing vs. “Let’s take some deep breaths” The power of mindful breathing How to know when to get professional help (duration, intensity, impact, age appropriateness) Journaling worries to find patterns and icebergs Liz’s upcoming projects on the horizon The importance of exercising self-compassion Resources: When Worry Takes Hold Where to find Liz: Facebook Instagram Website Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A solo show all about routines There are a couple tools, that when put into place, make the whole parenting journey easier. You have heard me talk about special time, that one on one time that is so important for building relationship and a solid foundation of belonging and significance for our kids. Challenges coming up in the LLWJC group mornings, bedtimes, defiance, meltdowns, sibling issues We find ourselves putting out fires We find ourselves being overtaxed We find ourselves slipping OUT of who we want to be and INTO crazy parent This is also where we loose sight of the way that we are contributing to the chaos at hand…. We blame out kids We fall into the trap of “it is always so difficult” We forget that there is always a flow that comes after the ebb…. Yes, special time helps with the challenges mentioned about. The relationship we nurture with our kids is what has the biggest impact on their behavior, absolutely. AND, another tool that is super helpful to come back to, again and again, is co-creating routines. Now, if you are someone with challenges in the morning, or after school, you may be thinking, but we have a routine, and it isn’t working!!! GREAT. Not all routines are created equal. Routines are made to be modified and changed up Routines designed to be HELPFUL for everyone will be the most USEFUL Mindset matters This is not about getting your kids to do what you want them to do This is about helping your children feel like capable, contributing members of the family This is about the process, the opportunity that exists inside the challenge that is currently at the surface Take a deeper look… Co creating routines means that you are CO CREATING Find a time of day when everyone is feeling good, connected Opening up the conversation to child about how they experience the challenging time of day, validate their feelings, listen and let them know you are taking their sharing to heart – this is not time to talk them out of what they are experiencing or getting them to “see your side” Clear out the space through taking accountability for your behavior. This is really important. Ask for their help to make that time of day easier/better for everyone Brainstorm ideas/tasks Offer/counter offer if you need to Be open to their ideas Be firm/not rigid around your non-negotiables “This is what is important to me, how could we make that work?” “What is your idea for that?” Cross off anything that isn’t related/reasonable/respectful/helpful on the list Work together to create a visual reminder Try it for a week But, but, but what if it doesn’t “work” Shifting to what is “helpful” Focus on the process TRUST the process Let the routine be the boss Revisit at the end of the week and tweak if necessary So many routines…. Housework Family Meetings Mornings Afterschool Bedtime Take it slow – let go of urgency How you show up matters Be in your practice of curiosity and openness – catch yourself when you want to judge (roshambo/coin flip) Currently in a new routine of turning screens off from 5-7. This is a slippery place for us…. Recently posted a handout on the live and love page – will put it in the show notes – for walking through this process. Let me know if you have any questions! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices