Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

This week’s episode is a solo show! Takeaways from the show: Perception matters The goal of behavior is to find and feel a sense of belonging and significance Iceberg metaphor Mistaken goals: Undue attention Connection vs. attention Tune into how your kid’s behavior makes you feel Parents contribute to beliefs kids have about connection The coded message behind annoying behavior is notice me and involve me usefully Redirect by involving your kids in a useful task Say what you will do Avoid special services Plan 1 on 1 time with your kids Involve your kids in creating routines Eps 261 | Downloadable Mistaken Goal Chart See you next week!! :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Pamela Ellis. In her more than 20 years working in education research and as a financial executive in the private sector, Pamela Ellis—The Education Doctor® has emerged as a leading authority on what it takes for students to thrive in education and, thereby, in life. Her work supports parents find the school where their children can thrive—the one that feels like home. Takeaways from the show Struggles parents are going through with supporting kids for college Myths about getting into college ACT and SAT myths Looking for a college that fits with you How soon parents of college bound kids should be making moves for their future Benefits of taking a gap year Breaking down what to think about as your kids move through each year of high school Reading for pleasure Understanding scholarships For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s podcast is a solo show! Takeaways from the show: Concepts and theories of Positive Discipline Belief behind behavior Iceberg metaphor Positive discipline 101 Behaviorist vs. Positive Discipline The concept of belonging and significance School drama You must start with self reflection if you want to create lasting change Pay attention to how it feels when school drama comes up with your child The first reason for our kids to misbehave is that they desire attention and connection If kids don’t get the connection, they move on to seeking power Eps 259 | Alison Smith interview For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Alexandra Eidens. Alexandra is the founder of Big Life Journal, a growth mindset company for children and teens. Alexandra’s company specializes in creating practical tools to help parents and teachers integrate growth mindset into their everyday lives. Their guided journals are now used by over 500,000 children world wide. When not creating journals, Alexandra is reading the latest research on brain science and the mind-body connection. Takeaways from the show: The foundations of Big Life Journal Nurturing a growth mindset Personal development in parenting Growth vs. fixed mindset Model the human experience to your children Be process oriented vs. outcome oriented Teach your children to set learning goals Rejection is an indication that you are putting yourself out there How to deliver feedback to your child Make a habit of learning new things Embrace struggle and adversity Compare yourself to yourself only Engage in deliberate practice Comfort vs. stretch zone Model being vulnerable in your own experiences The best thing you can do as a parent is love your kids unconditionally Where to find Alexandra: Ebook | Big Life Journal | FaceBook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s podcast is a solo show! Takeaways from the show Teen Counseling The 5 Criteria of Positive Discipline Questions to ask yourself to see if the response your giving in a situation meets the criteria for Positive Discipline Come into it expecting your kids to follow through Your kids behavior lets you know what kind of experience they’re having Invite your kids into more expression of what’s going on for them Most of our mischief comes from the perception that we don’t feel like we matter Everyone has their own unique lenses they see out of Whatever we do, we want our kids to feel more connected, seen, and like they matter Trust the process Our kids learn through experience over time Celebrate mistakes, focus on solutions Model your own self-regulation Help your children discover how capable they are Recognize this isn’t a formula or a gimmick Healthy human beings are expressive Resources mentioned: Jane Nelsen Positive Discipline Website For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Gemma Hartley. Gemma is a freelance journalist and the author of Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward. She’s a mom of 3 kids, 5, 7 and 10 Takeaways from the show: Gemma’s journey of being a writer The article that started her career Not wanting to ask your family to do something, just wanting them to know to do it Teasing apart emotional labor The pressure that lays on moms’ shoulders What are shared standards Acknowledge your standards exist for a reason Holding resentment when your significant other feels like they should get praise for things you do on a daily basis Being in conversation with our family in a way that supports everyone Make it normal to talk about emotional labor Vulnerability with your partner is scary but necessary When going into emotional labor conversations, be clear on your intentions The process of re-evaluating the life you share should include everyone being involved Tools that help make everyone feel supported in emotional labor Asking your kids to “help” you with household chores implies it is your job, which it isn’t Recognize the subtle messaging you’re giving your kids Where to find Gemma: Book | Website | Facebook | Instagram | Women Aren’t Nags Article | Emotional Labor Article Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s episode is a solo show! Takeaways from the show Birth story of my first child How resistance and tension can affect your relationship with your kids Recognizing your own resistance will open up a deep personal inquiry Your teen has their own experience and mistakes to make on their path of life Journal about resistance Broaden your relationships by looking into yourself to where you hold resistance Your teens emotional development is still in the process even if they look like full-grown humans Parenting for a Brave New World Summit Click here to listen to the interview with my daughter Rowan For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week my guest is Iris Chen. Iris is a writer, unschooler, and founder of the Untigering movement. After starting out as a hardcore tiger mother, she began to untiger when she saw all the negative effects of her authoritarian parenting. Now she’s on a mission to empower others families by promoting mental health, peaceful parenting, and educational freedom for children. She recently moved back to California with her husband and two sons after 16 years of living in China. Takeaways from the show Tiger parenting and its cultural meaning Iris’ experience growing up and how that played into her parenting How patterns of how you were parented can show up into the subconscious Shifting to a different way of parenting Doing the inner work so your relationships with your kids can improve Holding space for your emotions Learning to filter assumptions about children and parenting through a lens of love and respect and anti-oppression The swing from demanding parenting to permissive parenting Leaning into trust and connection Having a positive way to manage dysregulation Taking apart the baggage around making mistakes in parenting Making mistakes is an opportunity to model ownership, responsibility and humility Holding mutual respect in the relationships with your children Bringing awareness to the fact that children are worthy of honor and dignity and certain rights For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s podcast is a SOLO show!! Takeaways from the show: The refreshing new start of 2021 Relationships strengthening Choosing into feeling grateful for things that exist in your life Possibilities of the present moment Practice returning to the present moment again and again Feelings about the new year What are you willing to surrender to this year What Joyful Courage stands for Growth is the purpose of everything in life Tending to relationships that matter in our life The importance of taking an opportunity to grow New mini summit with an opportunity of a VIP pass Think about what you want to create this year For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Ian O’Roarty. Ian is my youngest child, he turned 15 October 30th, and is a freshman in high school. He is the baby in the house, and taller than us all. He is passionate about basketball, loves his friends, and has melted my mama heart since day one. I say that Ian is my “positive discipline” kid because he was the one who was always game to create a routine, or role play a situation, he was willing. I’d say that Ian and I are very close, I will let him share his experience during the interview… He has always been really open with me, and it doesn’t seem like that is really anything that we haven’t talked about… He loves family time, when we are all together, and is super stoked to have his drivers permit. I am honored that he is willing to come share candidly with all of you on the podcast. Takeaways from the show: Coping with covid Challenges in the last year Being a close relationship with your parents Having a sibling who is going through mental health issues Messaging on swearing in our house Reading agreements Screen time Thoughts from a teen about watching the Social Dilemma Video games and limits Managing screen time with online school What it means to Ian to “be a man” Toxic masculinity Goals for the future Advice to parents raising sons For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s podcast is a SOLO show!!! Takeaways from the show: Beta group Introducing the next mini summit Discovering your most authentic way of being Being responsible for yourself and how you show up Connection to self, family, and community Surrender to being imperfect Teens teach us that flexibility is imperative Trust that things are temporary Create a safe environment so your teen can share what they want from an authentic and open place Caregiving is always in motion Owning discovery around money Trusting the unfolding of life Be with what comes up, feel your feels For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Rowan O’Roarty. Rowan is my oldest child, she will be 18 in January, and one of my biggest teachers of personal growth. As we all do, we learn who we are as parents, through our relationships with our children. Rowan made me a mom, and continues to influence who I am in the world as I navigate what it means to mother her. Rowan has been through her own journey of personal discovery over the past few years, maneuvering mental health challenges, dropping out of school, completing her GED, and stepping in to big responsibility while her dad and I were gone for 2 months going through my husband's cancer treatment. I am honored that she is willing to come share herself and her journey so candidly with you all today. Takeaways from the show: Where the anxiety started When Rowan became aware of her anxiety Things we did that helped Rowan cope with depression and anxiety Panic attacks Navigating anxiety attacks and how parents can be supportive What depression feels like Things parents can do that are helpful to their teen’s mental health Dialectical behavioral therapy Realizing only YOU can change your experience What Rowan has learned about herself these past few years Mental health and high school Rowan’s freshman year Opting into online school Dropping out of school and gaining parent’s support The GED test Plans for the future For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week is a SOLO show! Takeaways from the show: Gratitude Grow through what you go through Shifting to be grateful for the experiences you’re put through Working on self regulation Model for your kids what effective problem solving looks like Embodying the life you’re living Allowing fear or resentfulness to change into gratitude and strength Doing the work to be in a different headspace when the same problems show up Personal growth isn’t linear Practicing being mindful For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Jennifer Variste’s desire for pediatrics began at a very young age because her visits to her pediatrician were usually positive experiences. Later she fulfilled her dream and obtained her medical degree from the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center. She went on to complete a pediatric residency at UT Houston Health Science Center. After residency, she returned to practice in her hometown of College Station, Texas. Dr. Variste is grateful for the five years she spent treating families there and for the relationships and connections she made. She now practices in Spring, Texas at Family First Pediatrics. As a board-certified pediatrician her passion is to empower moms and dads to raise their kids to lead happy, healthy lives full of precious memories and discovery. She desires to create the same positive experiences for her patients that she had with her pediatrician as a young child. For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s episode was a solo show!! Takeaways from the show: The emotional experience of this past week Hope trust and gratitude Willingness to try something different Choosing to be your best self What it means to have hope Believing you can have what you want Embodying your beliefs Being intentional with your thoughts Manifesting what you want in life Right now is the time to feel connected Changing your inner dialogue so it aligns with what you want Our kids always long for belonging and significance Trusting the process Keeping the faith Being grateful for the challenges in 2020 Focusing on the good coming out of your struggles There is more than one path and narrative your teens will go on For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I am so excited to welcome my guest, Maureen Muldoon. Maureen is a a spiritual Pied Piper, shameless storyteller and speaker who is transforming the way people think of church, sex, spirituality, and creativity. Actress, author, activist, she celebrates the miracles that live beneath the mundane and is devoted to helping others to CREATE their most engaged and unapologetic life. Today we are going to talk about her experience of mothering a transgender son. Takeaways from the show: Raising a transgender child Coping with society’s opinions A parent’s role in understanding How acceptance changes your child Kids wanting to be acknowledged for how they seem themselves Self expression Sitting with the suicide rate as a mom of a transgender son Finding a greater peace of mind Letting go of deciding what identifiers you bring forth in your children Becoming aware of the ways you tell your narrative Things parents without transgender kids don’t understand Being gentle to parents who don’t understand so they can be gentle to your child out in the world Keeping an open mind and an open space to listen to your child How you can be more supportive of families with transgender kids See you next week! :) Find Maureen: Website | SpeakEasy Community What does joyful courage mean to you? Joyful courage means innocence, where everyone's innocent. No one's guilty. Everyone's allowed to take up as much space as possible. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s podcast is a solo show!! Takeaways from the show: What is a trigger How our histories determine different triggers Dealing with situations that trigger you Making it right after you get upset Breaking down what it feels like to get triggered Willingness to reflect on your own emotions Being a good role model for handling emotions to your kids Teen’s moods affecting our own How our teens trigger us like no other Recognizing your experience The importance of connecting with your kids Having compassion and curiosity while in conversation How crucial it is to stay nonjudgemental See you next week! :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Bellamy Shoffner is a single parent, writer, and equity advocate specializing in fostering thoughtful connection and conversation among communities. Shoffner’s Revolutionary Humans produces a magazine, retreats, and free community events. All for parents and educators committed to social justice. This past summer the Joyful Courage community raised $800 in support of Bellamy and her work – I am so honored for the chance to connect with her here on the podcast. Takeaways from the show Social justice Passive reading vs. retaining the information Hold the Line magazine Teaching our kids to be accepting of each other's differences Creating a world where kids can are out of harm’s way based on any part of their identity Acceptance vs tolerance Challenges of being a single parent How outside help isn’t always appreciated Teasing apart tokenization Putting in the work to understand social justice Key things parents can do to fold racial awareness into parenting their kids Taking people as they are and see what happens Having relationship with vulnerability Dealing with people who have opposing views Find Bellamy: Website | Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show!! Takeaways from the show Self care matters Surrendering to the things you can’t control How letting go can change your experience The healing of meditation Being in the present moment Anchoring yourself while also being on the edge of your vulnerability Facing the unknown and creating a sense of security Human tendencies getting in the way of being okay with fear Possibilities of the unknown How narratives can be confining Control is an illusion Being with the fact that the future is uncertain The present moment is the only place where change happens Creating a practice of returning to presence Unconsciousness vs. consciousness See you next week! :) For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Connie Fuetz is a clinician with over 35 years of clinical experience who specializes in working with couples and is one of the six original Master Clinicians invited into the Gottman Institute in 2000, John Gottman has called Connie "an extraordinarily-gifted couples counselor" to whom he would send his own family. After leading the two-day Art and Science of Love workshops in Chicago for years, Connie created her own one-day workshop for couples called the Mindful Couples Workshop, which she led for years in Bellingham WA and Victoria BC. She has expanded that course into a 5-week online course for couples, called A Mindful Love Course. A couple's workshop you can do from the comfort of your own home. Connie feels blessed and honoured in her work alongside couples. A resident of the Northwest for 35 years, she lives in gorgeous Bellingham WA with her family. Takeaways from the show: The depth of couples therapy can be challenging and profound Both parties are responsible for change in therapy Focusing on your relationship with your partner will help your teen Why mindfulness is so important in our intimate relationships Tools to help you choose in to your partner How marathon intensive therapy is helpful Not engaging when flooding Naming the negative interactive cycle that happens when we’re in distress Prompting a healing conversation Having humility and vulnerability in conversations with your partner Making sure the message of love gets through How the pandemic has been causing stress in households Dealing with perpetual issues in a different way because of COVID Setting the context for the spirit of intention How dedicating little bits of time to your relationship will keep it alive Switching from a business type of relationship to a romantic one Using persuasion in a safe way The importance of being on equal ground with your partner Learning your partner’s love language For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show! Takeaways from the show Thoughts about the Social Dilemma movie How big social media platforms are using the users Our attention is the product online Conversation starters around screen use Creating an environment where checking in is a normal thing What to expect from the screens and teens summit The mixed feelings around social media Juggling the things life throws at us How do we make room to fall apart Crying releases stress The trauma of the pandemic Having compassion for your teens All problems are relative, no matter how “small” Giving yourself space to grieve and release energy Taking time to care for yourself In order to change your experience, you have to recognize what’s happening The normality of struggle right now Recognize your wallowing Being in the practice of moving forward See you next week! For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ned Johnson is president & founder PrepMatters, an educational company providing academic tutoring, educational planning, and standardized test preparation. A battle-tested veteran in the fields of test preparation, anxiety management, and student performance, Ned has been a professional “tutor-geek” since 1993, with more than 40,000 one-on-one hours helping students conquer an alphabet of standardized tests and reach their full potential. In 2018, Ned co-authored, With Dr. William Stixrude, The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives. Their book explores how fostering children’s autonomy can help solve two challenges endemic to kids today: facing anxiety and developing intrinsic motivation. Ned is a sought-after speaker and teen coach on study skills, sleep deprivation, parent-teen dynamics, and test anxiety, and his work is featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, NPR, BBC, and many others. Takeaways from the show Supporting our kids in stepping into their autonomy How to let go of control and have faith our teens know what to do Teaching your kids to be resilient and able to tolerate stress Leading your kids to intrinsic motivation What is a healthy sense of control The brain’s experience with stress Releasing the expectation of competency all the time How autonomy looks in a pandemic Alternate routes of education How passionately pursuing pastimes is most major contributor to intrinsic motivation Being sympathetic to our kids and ourselves The time it takes teen’s brains to fully develop varys Going through hard things gives us strength The teenage experience overlapping with the pandemic Teens crave relatedness Connect with your kids through what they love Reminding yourself as a parent, your job isn’t to make your kids care Having sympathetic conversations with your kids Being able to just be with our kids when they’re having a hard time For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show straight from my journal! Thank you to the patrons who were watching the livestream with me - I love speaking to a live audience! Takeaways from the show: Our experiences with the state of the world Thoughts from Casey’s journal Personal transformations through the world’s disarray Choosing self time when you’re moody What you’re feeling now is valid and you have a choice to how you show up with it Being worried about the future because kids don’t have as much motivation for school Shifting your mindset when worry shows up How traditional schooling can change False illusions that you can plan your child’s future Conversations around nurturing motivation How we respond to events and experiences in our life is the only thing we have control over The divine nature of the parent-child relationship Spirituality fitting into the parenting conversation Life is happening for you Considering the human you are continuing to become Internal experiences can influence the outside experience Our soul is calling for growth Trying on the lens of self-reflection For more shownotes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Michelle Bowen is a parent empowerment coach, entrepreneur and mother to a child who she gave birth to at the early stages of her awakening. The only way for Michelle to continue to further expand in her awakening was to utilize her relationship with her child. Your Child is Your Guide was birthed from her own process with her child that brought about an enormous transformation in her own life. In her practice, she specializes in guiding you to the realization of the divinity of your child and your relationship with them which initiates a level of accountability that aids in the acceleration of both your healing and actualization. Michelle learned that her child was her guide and provides you with guidance and applicable practices that allow you to see the same. The courses created by Michelle along with her other offerings show you how to achieve the actualization of the unconditionally loving relationship you want with your children. Michelle's story of coming into motherhood Spiritual teachers that influenced Michelle How her baby brought up places for Michelle to grow Michelle explains what “being awakened” means to her Learning how to unconditionally love ourselves as we parent our children How our relationships with our children are divine “co-creations” How parenthood highlights our conditioning The difference between resistance vs being open to learning about yourself on the parenting journey The messiness of the practice Trying something new can feel uncomfortable and awkward Shifting from our children’s behavior triggering us to our children’s behavior triggers our CONDITIONING and places we still have yet to heal Michelle talks a bit about current racial unrest and her experience of being raised by immigrant parents The message of unity Speaking up speaking out even when it is uncomfortable For more shownotes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

TODAY IS A SOLO SHOW! I am so excited to be back here with you all… What a summer. I am so excited to reconnect and reset for the coming months, and to let you know what to expect for me, the community and the podcast Before I get into it… Patreon patreon/com/joyfulcourage Livestreaming Monthly group calls Join us!! The Risky Behavior and Teens summit was AMAZING – thank you to my guests and everyone who registered – If you missed it, go to www.joyfulcourage.com/summit-shop and check it out – you can also see and purchase past summits that you may have missed. For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show from me… And I am sharing some personal thoughts and plans for Joyful Courage and what to expect through the summer and into the fall. What a wild first half of 2020 Covid 19 Quarantine School from home Personal struggles Racial uprising…. Stay tuned for a way that you can support a powerful black woman owned biz in the coming weeks <3 Timid opening up of the country and approaching summer I am taking a break from the podcast Revisit my mission Yes parenting, but how can it look so that I am also acknowledging/uplifting non-white voices? There are a LOT of white parenting educators – talk about Leslie’s post calling out white parent educators Really get clear on what I want to bring you next fall Tighten up my vision for Joyful Courage Working on the Risky Behavior Mini Summit Recording the interviews – AMAZING Creating the systems Working on the marketing Putting together another 6 week class Actually LOVING teaching through zoom, the current class has parents from all over the US Focusing on my clients One on one coaching Find out more at www.joyfulcourage.com/coaching Focusing on my family As you know…. Cancer Teenagers Hard to step away Don’t want to let anyone down Don’t want you to forget about me Don’t want to lose this communication tool…. AND FB groups IG Newsletter (biweekly) joyfulcourage.com/join Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Vivek Patel. Vivek is a conscious parenting educator who works with families to help create more harmony and connection in their homes. He has dedicated his life to spreading awareness and supporting change in schools. He's worked with youth organizations teaching conflict resolution anti bullying and leadership through movement martial arts and dance. As a conscious parenting educator, he has written hundreds of articles and has 60 parenting videos, you can find his writing on Facebook, the meaningful ideas website and YouTube. We are discussing how to take current events and bring the learning into the home. Join us! " Being anti-racist...It's a mindset that we look at the world through that we analyze the systems that we engage in with, that we listen to language with, and, and everything from media and advertising to government systems to educational systems, the correction system, the legal system, the financial system, the housing system, everything.” “ From the micro to the macro, being willing to look at those things and see look for look at and look for the inequities, to be willing to see them inside yourself and and other people and the systems and the anti racist part of it is to be doing something to actively change it.” “When we lift up the people that are oppressed, all of us benefit from it.” “Conscious parenting is cycle breaking” What you’ll hear in this episode: Why conscious parenting? Vivek’s activism journey What it means to be anti-racist From micro to macro, reflecting on self and systems The role of self-love and compassion The power of coming together Celebrating the discomfort Opening ourselves up for better relationships and interactions Our parenting relationship and our influence around topics of race Moving away from perfectionism and embracing the practice of becoming anti-racist Conscious parenting as cycle breaking Should we shield our kids from the pain of the world? Kids and fairness: leveraging their intuition towards acts of changemaking Why you need to do your own work, face our own fears and where to start Six relationships that drive change Modelling anti-racism for our kids Zooming in, zooming out, and condoning bad behavior Modelling our use of power, how we engage with power and why it’s important Control and consent in parenting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show – last minute decision to wait on the conversation that I was going to air today…. Today I am going to talk about chores and allowance There was a post from a mom in on of the Joyful Courage FB groups a few weeks ago reflecting on how it was time for her 11 and 5 year old to begin chores and allowance. The comments were a range of advice, with many parents speaking into separating chores from allowance. I promised the group that I would speak into this on the podcast. Before I do though, I want to say that you get to take this information and make it your own, right? You get to decide what is best for YOUR family when it comes to chores and allowance. I also acknowledge that being able to give our children and allowance isn’t something that everyone can do. Please listen for the underlying spirit instead of listening thinking there is a “right” way to do this. Also, I want you to notice if you are listening though the filter of “my kids won/t…” or “what happens if they don’t…” or you will miss the message. There is a level of significance and mattering that shows up when our kids are expected to be in contribution. Trust that. Trust them. So chores – contributions/family work So much online for age appropriate chores They are enthusiastic when young although it may be a challenge for us Less enthusiastic when older which is also challenging Have a plan, be explicit Co-creating routines Daily Weekly Family house cleaning party Check in on how it’s working (family meeting) Tweak as necessary Inside the plan be explicit about what is a “completed job” and when it needs to be done by Take time to train: You do the task while child watches You do the task together Child does task while you watch Child does the task independently Fold this into the fabric of your family Don’t be rigid Ask for their ideas Allowance – we don’t pay for chores…. Story about rowan and ian “yeah but” – typically don’t need to threat or reward – and will be explicit “your jobs need to be done before you leave the house/jump on a screen/lunchtime/etc” We don’t pay for chores. We started giving the kids a small allowance when they were young so that they had money to learn to manage. Save Give Spend As they got older, their allowance increased and what we would pay for decreased Time out in the world with friends Haricuts Cosmetics Shoes (Ian is obsessed) Resources: Amy McCreedy on Joyful Courage Eps 62 – Teaching our Kids Money Sense The opposite of spoiled by Ron Lieber Montessori guide to age appropriate chores (handout online) Build relationship. Build relationship. Build relationship. Create an agreement around chores: “I have a problem and I need your help” There is a lot to do and you need ot help out Brainstorm a list of things to do around the house This week, pick one a day Thank you for following through OR I noticed you haven’t followed through, please get that done Tweak as necessary You’ve got this friend! Let me now what you put into practice and any questions or feedback that you have. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I am solo. I have a heavy heart this week, and a short show. I know I promised something on chores and allowance but you will have to wait a few weeks for that. This week I want to highlight a few shows that I have done in the past and offer up some resources to keep learning and growing as humans – because that is what my work si about – Joyful Courage is about embracing opportunities to grow, even when it’s messy and wobbly. As someone with an audience that is largely white women, I am going to step into THIS opportunity to share some thoughts and steps to be better. I am heartsick over here as I reach out to my friends who are also people of color, letting thme know that I see them and I stand with them. I am heartsick all the time when I think about the conversations that they need to have with their children that I will never need to have with mine, because of the color of their skin. I am heartsick when I consider the fear they hold every time their partner or child leaves the house. Enough. And white women… we have power. We have so much power. My intention here is to invite you in to your own learning about your power, about your implicit bias, about the conditioning that continues to lead us all through a system that is designed to lift only some of us. And I get it, where do we start? What do we do? It is uncomfortable, we don’t want to say the wrong thing, we don’t want to add to the hurt and the micro aggressions with our unintentional ignorance. But doing nothing and continuing to say nothing is not ok. Time to speak up. To stand up. To learn, to be corrected when we get it wrong and take it with humility. To be uncomfortable. Because guess what? The black people in this country have been uncomfortable since the beginning. They have been beaten down, silenced, abused, ridiculed, traumatized and more – since the beginning. We can be in the growing pain of learning to be better. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Leah Carrie, a sex and intimacy coach who helps women shed shame about their sexuality and communicate about what they really want in the bedroom rather than just tolerating what they're given. Her clients learn to embrace their sexuality no matter what it looks like. She is the host of the podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex. Sexual freedom is a subject that is deeply personal to Leah because she spent most of her life being a very good girl. Most of the sex she had was either boring or painful, but she endured it because she didn't know she was allowed to ask for anything different. Having taken her own journey to sexual freedom, she is now passionate about breaking the silence, fear and shame around women's sexuality and pleasure and redefining what it means to be a good girl. Join us! " I discovered, not only is it okay to be as interested in sex as I've always been, but it's okay for sex to be pleasurable. And it's really, really okay for me to ask for what I want.” “I had spent my whole life thinking that I was giving consent for all of the sex I had been having, because I wasn't saying no. It turns out that's not what consent means at all. Consent is active and enthusiastic.” “We're all so afraid of being judged.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The role of tantric massage The meaning of consent Sexual healing and sex work The criminalization of sex work How sex ed is approached in other countries How to say and accept “no” Postpartum sex and expectations Sex positive parenting Quarantine touch deprivation What does Joyful Courage mean to you? To me, it means figuring out what we really really want and asking for it. Courage is, I think, figuring out what we want. And being willing to admit that maybe somebody else is interested in giving to us and the joyful part of that is sharing it and believing that maybe we could get it. And I really don't want people to be walking around like I was for the first 42 years of my life, believing that I was just supposed to accept whatever I was given and I wasn't allowed to ask for anything more. And since I have learned a new way of being, my life has changed dramatically in the best possible ways. And so I want that for everyone. Resources: Good Girls Talk About Sex The Three Minute Game Where to find: Youtube | @goodgirlstalk on FB | @goodgirlstalk on Insta | FB Group | Website | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ahhh, hello. Today I want to talk about beat up. There tends to be two extreme ends of the spectrum…. Thre are those of us who have a crazy ideal that we are trying to live up to – typically one where we don’t make any mistakes and show up perfect in all the roles we play. None of us can ever really get there, but we are striving for it. The self talk may sound like: “I have to be more present with the kids.” “I need to make more homecooked meals.” “I’ve got to catch up on housecleaning/laundry/yardwork….” “I’ve GOT to loose some weight…” We are AWARE that there are steps we can take to move in the direction of the life we want to create, AND, when we aren’t taking the steps, or aren’t creating this perfect life, we collapse into defeat. Awareness is high, beat up is high. It’s a tough place to find ourselves. Or there is the opposite extreme. There are those of us that are shooting from the hip all the time and if everyone else can’t get with the program, that is there problem. We don’t see why anyone needs to be in a parenting class, or read a book, or doing any of the self help stuff, because we see the world clearly through our lens and know what to do in any given situation. We are the people who don’t take any ownership of our kids behavior. The question when our kids get into mischief is often “what do I have to do to you to get you to behave?” Personal awareness is low. Beat up is low, unless you count the beat up we do to others who make life hard for us. Now, I don’t imagine that there are a lot of people in the second group listening to my podcast, because you all know how invested I am in personal growth and how passionately I believe in the ways parents influence the behavior they see from their kids. But I think it is valuable to consider those two extremes. I think MOST of us fall in the middle. We might have an ideal when it comes to parenting and how we shoe up in the world, but it is more of a compass for the direction we want to be headed, not necessarily a destination that we can ever arrive at. We get that life is uncertain and unpredictable, and how we respond to what shows up matters and influences the unfolding. We see our kids as their own separate entities, yes, and when things start going sideways we take a step back to consider what we may be doing to contribute to how they are behaving. We try to remember that our children are on their own journey, that they belong to themselves, first and foremost, and we get to caretake for the first part. We do the best we can, AND, we get that the house isn’t going to always be clean (and oh man it is so nice when it is), meals aren’t always perfect (yeah for take-out and meal kits), AND it is impossible to be present for our family 24/7. Lets keep our awareness high, friends, and the beat up low. Lets strive to be better, and embrace our imperfection. Let’s be ok with two steps forward, one step back – this is the dance of life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I am so excited to welcome my guest, Dr. Habib Sadeghi. Dr. Habib Sadeghi is the founder of Be Hive of Healing, an integrative medical center based in Los Angeles. He specializes in multi-disciplinary treatment for chronic illnesses that include osteopathic, anthroposophical, environmental, psychosomatic, family, and German new medicine, as well as clinical pharmacology. He served as an attending Physician and Clinical Facilitator at UCLA-Santa Monica Medical Center and is currently a Clinical Instructor of Family Medicine at Western University of Health Sciences. Dr. Sadeghi is a regular contributor to Goop, CNN, BBC News and the Huffington Post, and is the publisher of the health and well-being journal, MegaZEN. Dr. Sadeghi believes that most problems between parents and children (or indeed, between any two people) are a problem of CONNECTION. By building stronger connections with our children, we are able to move beyond the fighting, yelling, nagging, or other struggles, and into a place of mutual respect and understanding, where real problem-solving can occur. In turn, when we care for our own and our children's mental and emotional health and healing, we drastically reduce the potential for physical diseases, as the mind-body connection is so deep. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi! Welcome back…. Those of you that are new to the podcast I want to give you a warm welcome, I am so glad you are here. As the longtime listeners know, this show is part informative and educational, part deeply personal, and always authentic and, I hope, relatable. That is always my goal. We are on a collective journey. Good/ bad, right/wrong, winning/failing at how about effective/ ineffective? Takes the judgment out Allows us to know be in this role where we SHOULD know exactly what to do Shifts us out of the idea that there IS a right thing to do It’s all a grand experiment. This is about being effective and helpful. Meltdowns are not a character flaw, they are an indication that something has happened that we, or our kids, don’t have the tools to navigate in the moment. It’s not about you. So, this week, when you have a meltdown and are an asshole to your kids, model what it looks like to own it, “Wow, I really lost it and treated you badly. My emotions got the better of me.” And make it right, “I am so sorry, and I am going to pay more attention to when I am getting close to flipping out, and take care of me when I feel that tightness in my body happening.” Then bring it back to the message of love, “I love you so much.” And when THEY have a meltdown and are assholes to you, show a little grace. The uncertainty of the world is IN OUR FACE right now and they only have so much capacity for keeping it together. Remember that it’s not about you. Support them in calming down, and then LATER, have a conversation about the experience of the meltdown – guiding them to connect to themselves and to you, and ultimately giving them the tools they need to repair. Love you. We’ve got this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Bracha Kopstick . She is a registered dietician specializing in adolescent nutrition. She helps parents feel calm and confident with raising adolescence to have a positive relationship with food and their body. There's a lot of contradictory information about feeding kids but she clarifies and educates parents so that they can raise adolescents with a positive food relationship without the shame and guilt. Join us! "Kids are starting to gain weight in their journey to adulthood. And not only is it not something to be afraid of, but this is necessary weight gain. And I really wish that parents would recognize that this is something that is so necessary and can accept that weight as not something negative, but as something that’s part of just growing and development.” “Nourishing ourselves with food that is enjoyable and tastes good is something I think is really important.” “Kids really thrive on predictability and knowing when they can expect to have food.” “Food is so much more than just nutrition. It's about relationship.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Where kids encounter diet culture Weight gain as part of puberty How the concerns of parents can amplify the insecurities of their growing teens What a balanced meal looks like Nourishment and food as more than fuel Balancing structure and freedom in guiding food choices Meal scheduling - why it’s important How often your teen should be eating How to approach snacking Cooking with kids How parental body image impacts kids Breaking through your body image issues Parents’ roles in helping kids find peace with their food Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello Joyful Courage family – how are you today? I hope that your quarantine isn’t too overwhelming and that you are finding opportunity to choose into peace and connection amidst the chaos and uncertainty…. I wanted to show up here and let you know that I am taking this week off from recoding a podcast. For those of you who have been following, you know that my family is going through a new challenge that continues to unfold. I am choosing to use my energy to hold space for my family and the tasks that come with health challenges. I know you understand… Many of you continue to reach out and send me love and well wishes – thank you! I have also had a lot of you ask what you can do, how you can help. With my husband out of work, I am looking for more ways to serve you while also supporting my family. At the end of the month, I am running two 6 week Positive Discipline Parenting classes. They will both run April 30th through June 2nd. I am going to follow the format I use when facilitating a live class, but adapt it for zoom. I have chosen two times with the hope that one of them will work for you. There is an 8-10 PACIFIC class, as well as an 8-10 EASTERN class. This workshop is for parents with school aged kids – 5-12. We will dig deep into PD theory, tools and strategies, as well as the practice of navigating the triggers that show up for each of us so that the tools and strategies are AVAILABLE to us when we need it the most. If you are interested in learning more – go to www.joyfulcourage.com/6weekpd - my daughter and I created a funny video there, and you will find some FAQs, as well as buttons for registering. There is limited space, so get your registration in asap. Again, we start April 30th! Much love to each of you – I will be back next week with an interview for you! Big love <3 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I am so excited to welcome my guest, Dona Bumgarner! Dona is a life coach for frustrated moms who are exhausted living in a culture that doesn’t support them well, which can lead to feeling very out of control of their own time and energy. In her work, Dona helps mothers re-engage with their own desires and design a mothering style and family life that feels authentic to their personal values and goals. She believes that when parents have their needs met, they have more energy and patience to engage with their children in healthy and productive ways. Today we are going to discuss how to recover space for ourselves after our family has weathered a crisis that may have caused us to put everything on hold. Where to find Dona: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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SUPER FAM My guest today is Cynthia Klein. Cynthia is an Educator, Coach, Speaker, and Author. Through her work, Cynthia helped parents of children from age five to 30. Through a strong desire to create a great relationship with her own child, Cynthia’s journey to developing herself as a parent began early on. By building Bridges 2 Understanding and cooperation rooted in mutual respect, she was able to achieve the connection she longed for with her teenage daughter. Cynthia understands the challenges of parenting and provides solutions that are unique, effective, individualized, and enduring. You can achieve results that will change the course of your relationship with your children and your family’s dynamic now and for generations to come. Cynthia’s education includes a B.A. in Psychology, Training and Human Resource Development Certificate, California and New Mexico teaching credentials, numerous parent education certificates, and life lessons gained from raising a successful daughter who values her mom’s opinion. Her book is titled, Ally Parenting: A Non-Adversarial Approach to Transform Conflict Into Cooperation. "It's all about still having your authority in your power, doing it in a way that is respectful.” “What do I feel, think or do differently to get a different response?” “You can’t control your children. You can only influence.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The difference between hard and soft power and leadership and control Building a foundation to prepare for challenges ahead. When kids complain about limits Why it starts with changing yourself first Why you need to ask yourself who owns the problem Problem solving roles: director, collaborator, or supporter Building emotional connection first Some of the ways that parents show up as adversaries in their relationship with their kids The think/feel/do cycle Moving past the victim mindset What being a collaborator means Timing your conversations How to stop blocking communication The power of writing things down What happens when we make assumptions vs approach with curiosity Helping your kids feel heard Soliciting ideas in problem solving Making a plan together and instituting a trial phase What to do when your plan doesn’t roll out the way you expected Using empathy to redirect Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey listeners!! I am recording this Sunday, it will go live on Tuesday – and I can’t not talk about Covid 19, the coronavirus – because it is absolutely right here, right now, and the reality for the world right now. I want to start with whoa. I mean, whoa right? This is a weird and wild time. We are facing something that few of us have ever experienced before – the news, the leadership, the unknown – it is all right there. Dr. Shefali, author and conscious parenting guru called this time a chiropractic spiritual realignment. I have been listening a lot to Dr. Shefali, she has been live streaming so much goodness through her FB page and her group, “Superpowered: Transform Anxiety into Resilience.” I love her take on the world because she speaks so much into being with impermanence, being with uncertainty. Because ---- impermanence and uncertainty aren’t new – you all have been listening to me talk about this for the last six months and beyond as I navigate all the fun with my teens. I know you are in your own practices, because you let me know! I get emails nearly every day from listeners that reach out to let me k now that my story is their story, that they are in the muck with their kids and they feel so good to know they are not alone…. You aren’t alone. ALL OF US live in daily uncertainty. We never know how things are going to turn out, although MANY of us live under the illusion that we do, under the illusion that we can control the events of our lives…. Now, we have influence, of course, but control? Yeah, no. We ALL have the unexpected show up in our lives – good, bad and ugly – we make plans, we cross our finders, we do our do, and what happens happens, right? I have been fascinated by listening to people share about how there isn’t any MORE uncertainty because of the corona virus – it just feels that way because we have been under the impression that we know what is going to happen, we had our routines, we had our rhythm, we knew what to expect each day. But this pandemic has yanked that comfy security blanket away and we have no choice but to stare down uncertainty – and oh man, ITS SO FLIPPING UNCOMFORTABLE!!!! Sigh. Ok, so I am here to help. Yes, it’s uncertain, and yes, we have kids to raise and jobs to try and do fro home and bills to pay and oh man they all eat so much!!! I reached out to the members of my patreon group and asked them what their biggest challenges are in this new normal. Here is some of what they shared: Audrey, mama to 4 year old shared: Challenges: keeping my fear and anxiety under wraps. They can show up as irritability and impatience. Also, never having a break because there’s no adult to relieve me. My 4 year old complaining anytime I take time for myself or the meals I’m making (they’re lacking creativity). Gratitude: extra time to do art with her. All the outside time with her when the weather allows. The fact that my mom is taking us seriously and being very careful. That I have really awesome neighbors in case I need some thing. That I saved all the old cloth wipes and the wet bag from when I cloth diapered, in case I really can’t get TP. I love that Audrey mentions how HER fear and anxiety can show up as irritability and impatience, I am ABSOLUTELY noticing this with myself as well. And it’s funny, I am not in a panic and tell myself I’m not anxious, and yet, the anxious energy is still manifesting in my short (ish) temper with my son, sorry Ian. This is super key: How are we taking care of ourselves? What are we doing to release our fears/worries? Meditation – some of your fave people are offering live streams every day Journaling Yoga – Fightmaster yoga 90 day fix Be in nature – LISTEN TO NATURE We have no choice – we have to get creative and take care of ourselves. Slow down. Well, we have no choice but to slow down do we, now is the time to create some new habits in taking care of ourselves. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What you’ll hear in this episode: Why you shouldn’t wait How Oprah discovered Kristina Why we need to get uncomfortable with self-criticism Why you need to write Ta-da lists instead of To Do lists Maintaining perspective about things that didn’t get done Making a habit of personal growth Empowering our kids to do things for themselves without taking over Having compassion for our kids Creating space for sharing and connection in your relationship with your kids Searching for love in your marriage Love as a daily choice Why asking for help is important Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show – woop woop! Being in a mindful relationship… What is mindfulness? Why is it important on the parenting journey? Why is this important in life? I went to a mindful couples workshop with my husband this weekend Why did we go? Morning of… How I did my work when it was hard to do Modeling setting intention Letting go of being attached to the experience of my husband Why this is relevant to our kids and parenting and life Setting the context with how I showed up and what I was willing to own Offering lots of loving support, acknowledgement, options While also leaning in and inviting vulnerability – speaking into the elephants in the room, making things explicit Learning processes for deeper listening and communication SO MUCH like PD Connect before correct/redirect Positive Intent Looking for solutions not blame The iceberg Process over product – Relationship is everything!!! Took the trainer aside to share…. One of the processes reminded me so much of the Family Meeting, but instead of using the model for the family, you use it as a couple. Safe space for venting about a few things that rubbed you wrong A useful place for problem solving I would add time to celebrate each other before getting into it…. One of our “issues” is talking about money – ben makes most of it, I budget and try to save it. This is a hard one for us to discuss without having clear goals that are the boss. Come together to have a vision What is this going to take Weekly check ins on how we are doing I also have some amazing clients that are such an inspiration to me. Super intentional with checking in on relationship Super articulate in how they are celebrating each other 20 years later…. It takes work Awareness that we are in an ebb Willingness to do something about it Kristen Bell – “I will be with Dax on the porch at 80” – we can get through anything So yeah, tend to your relationships – we talk so much about our relationship with our teens and younger kids here – equally if not more important is our relationship with our partners. Hope you are feeling inspired!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Yolanda Williams. Conscious parenting is really close to her heart, and she knows what it feels like to grow up without a voice and with violence as a consequence. Raising a black child in a world filled with white supremacy can seem insurmountable at times but she firmly believes that conscious parenting is activism against racism. Yolanda is raising a carefree child to be her authentic self, unafraid to use her voice to stand up to oppression with unshakable confidence and self love. Yolanda wants to help teach other parents to do the same. She's the co founder of Conscious Parenting Time, whose mission it is to decolonize minds by teaching the art of conscious parenting to raise intellectually spiritually and socially free black children. She's also the host of Parenting Decolonized, a podcast on a mission to shine the light on how colonization has impacted the black family structure and what to do about it. Join us! "I'm not here to make anybody else feel comfortable with the truth of racism, but it's supposed to make you uncomfortable.” “If I feel like you are genuinely asking a question and I don't feel like you're trying to center yourself when you ask this question, I will politely answer it. But my job is not to educate white people on racism. That's not the job of any person of color.“ “Being White and Whiteness are two separate things. I don't think people really realize that because whiteness is a construct, just like race is.” “Our culture does judge black parents more harshly. Period.” “Our kids may already be targeted just because of their race, nothing that you can do is going to stop a bad police officer or a bad teacher or someone who is just a racist from being that person.” “I'm not going to change who I am to make white people comfortable.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The difference between being White and Whiteness How the Black parenting experience is different The subtle and not so subtle ways that parenting has been colonized Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome The risks and challenges that come with parenting from a place of fear Parenting a Black child as a Black person vs as a White person Authoritarian parenting attitudes and dignity double-binds Belonging and significance in the face of racism Internalized racism - what it is and what it looks like How early unconscious biases show up in education Cultural pride as a way to insulate against racism Curating an environment that centres cultural pride The importance of Black history Being intentional about decolonization The Black Panther and their policy What does Joyful Courage mean to you? You know, when I think of joyful courage it makes me think of this quote by Audrey Lord and it's like the basis for everything I do. She said, "Raising black children, female and male in the mouth of a racist, sexist suicidal dragon is perilous and chancy. If they cannot love and resist at the same time, they will probably not survive." So that's like love and resistance. Yes, what joyful courage is for me. I mean, I have to have courage to change the status quo. And I have to model what joy and unconditional love looks like inside my home. Because home is where security and safety is and love. And as scary as being a black parent is sometimes I can't tell you how much joy it gives me to be raising my daughter in this revolutionary way and to watch her grow into an amazing black woman. Like, it gives me a lot of joy. I love that. Resources: Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome Amazon Prime documentaries by Henry Louis Gates, Jr. Where to find Yolanda: Parenting Decolonized Podcast Parenting Decolonized Facebook Page Conscious Parenting Time Facebook Page @cptime Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey all! Today is a solo show… I am so honored to be here with you. Today is all about connection and relationship (again, I know, but really, it’s what’s up). Broken record in the conversations I am having in the teen group as well as the super fam Relationship relationship relationship Not as a “strategy” When relationship is offer, disconnection si present, its like we are on unstable ground Belonging and significance Being seen and heard Feeling valued/ Feeling safe– routines/agreements/family meetings At their heart they are a connection activity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Sarah Rosensweet. Sarah is a Peaceful Parenting leader and coach. Peaceful parenting is an approach that uses kind, firm limits with lots of empathy. Parents are in charge but give their kids the support they need to meet their expectations. She emphasizes connection and supports parents in prioritizing relationship with our kids. Sarah knows that our relationship is the most effective way we can influence our kids. Sarah and I spend time today discussing some of the biggest take-aways from The Self Driven Child – a powerful resource written by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. What you’ll here on this episode: What has changed for Sarah as a coach as her kids have entered the teen years The Self Driven Child There can only be one driver on the train – that is your child We need to manage our own parental anxiety We get to trust that our children know what they need Sarah shares a personal story about her son and his report card and how she used what she learned from the Self Driven Child Our response matters Allowing our kids to make decisions about their own life Letting our own limited yet intense beliefs about all the possibilities get in the way “We care so much that they don’t have to.” We have to trust our kids to learn from all of their choices It’s hard to give up the drivers seat Resiliency comes from surviving difficult things Our teens are moving with a limited bank of experiences Using curiosity is powerful and ask our teens if they want to hear our opinion We can be involved, without controlling their every move The sweet spot Middle ground for encouraging teens to nurture relationship Stay Connected to Your Teenager by Michael Riera Loosening up the limits “It’s your call…” Casey shares her story about her teen daughter dropping out of school The number one thing teens need from their parents…. Where to find Sarah: Website | Facebook | Peaceful Parenting with Teenagers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solos show - YAY! Coming off of the mental health mini summit… I am reminded time and time again about the importance of creating an environment that support our kids-teens in being who they are. A space that feels emotionally safe. We hold the container, we set the tone, right? Before we can do that we really need to decide what it is that we want to create? Speaking with clients about this, before a big conversation or event, I will aks them, well, what is it you want to create? What is most important for you that your child receives? Strategies for creating a home environment that nurtures safety Routines/Consistency/dependable structure Asking permission/Being curious Being available/Non judgmental Validate their experience Own your stuff Trust that your kids ARE thinking about what is best for them Power of perspective - 3 bs and the outside observer, remembering the iceberg Therapy - One of the things that has been really useful for me lately that I am digging into through therapy is identifying key times in my life where I felt lost, isolated, and really pulled away from my parents…. And if I could go back that that girl to tell her what she needs to hear…. Some of what has come up has been: This must be really hard, it must feel really confusingYou are ok just as you are, you are enough and worthy of loveI am here for you Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I am so excited to welcome Sara Dean to the Joyful Courage Podcast. Sara is the creator and host of the Shameless Mom Academy Podcast, a top rated podcast with over 2 million downloads. Her biggest passion is helping women own their space. After enduring a long infertility journey, and then a full blown identity crises following the birth of her son, Sara took her background in psychology/health/ wellness and rebuilt her identity – one step at a time. Today, Sara motivates and inspires women to stop shrinking and start growing in every aspect of their lives. She is on a mission to inspire women and moms, in particular, to live bigger, bolder, braver #everydamnday. "I realized over time that I wanted to be having conversations about helping women take up space, rather than always trying to shrink in the space they existed in.” “Perfect is paralyzing.” “If you're in perfectionism, there's no momentum.” “We need to give ourselves permission to feel in big ways and to be vulnerable with those feelings.” “It's okay to cry, but suffering in silence is the most surefire way to destroy yourself.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The role of mindset Outcome versus process goals Moms and worthiness Why perfect sucks Perfectionism, procrastination and high achieving women How perfectionism robs you of momentum Doing B- work The role of routine and structure Creating mental freedom Giving ourselves permission to feel Intuition and finding the lessons in the chaos Learning to sit in discomfort Finding gratitude in hard moments and hard phases The universality of challenges and trauma Why women suffer in silence Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW Interviewed for the positive parenting conference by Sumitha Bhandarkar from afineparent.com and she wanted to interview me about my book – fun to remember that I wrote a book! Deep dove into the three Bs. Then last night I had my first of 6 live parenting classes here in Bellingham. Being vs doing Theory, belonging and significance Power of perceptions Humans are social beings – everything in the context of relationship Iceberg why is it important to keep in mind? HALT Problem we see is a solution/response to a problem we don’t know about Mistaken beliefs about self/others/world Why is it hard to remember to consider the iceberg? BECAUSE WE ARE USUALLY PISSED ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING AT THE TIP!! WE HAVE OUR OWN ICEBERGS!! At the tip of our iceberg is our emotional/instinctive response to the behavior we are seeing right? And what is under the surface????? HALT!! Feelings of defeat and beat up about mistakes we made… Conditioning/baggage from our own experiences Ahhhhh – so many icebergs!! So we are wired to connect…. And remember what Dan and Tina shared in EPS 215 --- the four s’s – seen, safe, soothed, secure. THIS IS WHAT OUR KIDS NEED, and isn’t it what we need too? We get to learn to offer this up to ourselves Back to the three Bs – this is one tool to support us in creating the four S’s for ourselves, so that we can then offer them up for our kids – show up better, attuned, connected, loving. Lets play with the 3 Bs…. I am going to guide you through them, while also explaining deeper the purpose and power of each B…. Breath The breath is an tool that directly effects the nervous system – and when we are in fight or flight, you can bet our nervous system is working overtime -rapid heart beat, tension, we are full of adrenaline… Attending to breath allows for a settling in…. a slowing down… an opening…. Body Riding the breath into the body in search of any leftover tension…. Allow the breath to soften the body, the small muscles in the face, the neck, the shoulders…. We want to soften the body, open the body so that we can soften and open the mind…. Balcony Once you feel yourself soften, find your balcony seat, imagine that you can lift up and out of your body and look down at your experience, as if you are watching a show from a balcony seat – you are accessing your outside observer. The part of yourself that is separate from your experience, knowing that you are having an experience… From this place, this outside observer place, look at yourself through the lens of compassion, through the lens of love…. What is happening under your iceberg? Can you be a nonjudgmental observer? What happens when you get curious about your experience….? Breath body balcony – the 3 Bs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Alyssa Blask Campbell. Alyssa has her Master's of Education in Early Childhood. She is a leading expert in emotional development speaking to people around the world. She is a podcast host for Voices of Your Village and the CEO of Seed and Sew. Alyssa has been featured As an emotional development expert and publications such as the Washington Post, Kids VT and Family Education. After co creating the CEP method, which she's going to tell us all about, she researched it across the US and co authored a book on it scheduled for publication next year. Alyssa is deeply passionate about building emotional intelligence in children, stating that it's never too early or too late to start, thank goodness. Alyssa shows up as approachable and welcomes people into her village to get support at all ages and stages shame free. Join us! "In order to be able to do that social piece, the kindness, the respect the empathy, the social awareness components, we have to know how to navigate the self awareness and self regulation first.” “Sometimes times it's really just getting down to what is our feeling about what they're feeling or experiencing.” “I believe that it's our job to find the calm, not their job to get calm for us.” “It's safe for me to feel this because it's not going to last forever.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The difference between social and emotional development The role of self awareness and self regulation Coping mechanisms versus coping strategies The five phases of emotion processing Coping mechanisms as numbing agents Fine motor activities as processing tools Changing habits one at a time Reflective Practice - what it is and how it works Finding the calm for your kids Mirror Neurons and the neurology of calm Addressing bias as a step in the parenting education journey Taking care of your physical health so you can self-regulate Allowing yourself to feel Recognizing feelings Empathizing and connecting vs noticing Helping your kids feel felt Finding security in your feeling Yale research on anxiety in kids The relationship between anxiety and fear Problem solving and conflict resolution Identifying when you’re ready for problem solving What makes Voices of Your Village Podcast awesome Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show! I am sharing about what is happening in the Joyful Courage community these next few weeks: Adolescent Mental Health Mini Summit www.joyfulcourage.com/mhminisummit Podcast Recap LIVES added to the Patreon community www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage Other topics that I am speaking into: Resentment on the journey Making self care happen Being in choice And making choices that allow us to let go Being a model Transformation starts with us How are you showing up for your family?? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guests are Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson. Dan is an internationally acclaimed author, award winning educator and child psychiatrist. He is currently a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also serves as a co investigator at the Center For Culture, Brain And Development, and co director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. Dan co authored some of our favorite parenting books, including The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain. With the other guest joining us today, he also wrote Brainstorm: The Bible for Parents of Teens, Parenting From The Inside Out and Aware, which came out the summer of 2018 and he came on to discuss that book with me. Dr. Tina Bryson is the other guest that we get to hear from today. She is the co author with Dan Segal of three New York Times bestsellers soon to be four and is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, California. Tina is also a pediatric and adolescent, psychotherapist, she keynotes conferences, and conducts workshops for parents, educators and clinicians all over the world. There is so much more I could add to the bios of both of these guests I could truly go on and on. They're here today to share about their latest book, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become, and How Their Brains get Wired. Join us! Resources: The Whole Brain Child No Drama Discipline The Yes Brain The Baby Book Eps 154: Dr. Dan Siegel Discussing the Science of Being Present The Power of Showing Up Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence Eps 100: Dr. Tina Bryson Supports Us With Brain Informed Parenting Eps 126: Tina Bryson is BACK teaching us about nurturing a YES BRAIN Brainstorm Parenting From The Inside Out Where to find Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson: Dr. Tina Bryson Dr. Dan Siegel Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices