Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Kenneth Cloke talks about how the language we use, the stories we tell, and how we approach our conflicts often have the outcome of making them worse and destroying our relationships. He talks about how to avoid using certain verbiage, so that our partners aren't triggered to counter-attack. Listen in to our conversation where Ken talks about creating a pivot point in your conversation and having a better outcome and solution with the relational conversation that includes both members of a partnership. Kenneth Cloke has devoted much of his career to supporting people in the various negotiation conflict areas and resolving conflict. After a brutal divorce experience and reflection of how he could have handled his personal situation better, Ken was inspired to help others move through their conflict and teach how we can learn and use our own tools to avoid conflict before it starts. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Kenneth Cloke is a mediator, arbitrator, coach, consultant, and trainer, specializing in resolving complex multi-party disputes, including transnational, marital, divorce, family, grievance, workplace disputes, organizational, and public policy, and school conflicts, and designing preventative conflict resolution systems. He has worked in over 25 countries and is the founder and first President of Mediators Beyond Borders. He has published 15 books on conflict resolution, recently The Crossroads of Conflict and Politics, Dialogue, and the Evolution of Democracy. In this episode, Kenneth Cloke and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How to see conflicts differently, as well as how to recognize the source of most of our conflicts. The importance of looking at the language we use, the stories we tell and the approaches we use that either bring resolution or communication break-down. Identifying the specific words that lead to conflict and destructive cycles in relationship. Learn new language and new questions to ask that create understanding, clear communication and productive outcomes in relationship. What are the questions we are asking ourselves in every interaction to gauge how safe we are in the relationship. What makes someone an ally versus a threat in relationship. How vulnerable we are within our intimate relationships, what is at stake and and the risks involved. Learn ways to generate solutions, strengthen relationships and deepen intimacy in communication. Tweetables "I became interested in how to introduce conversations and design them that would help people actually talk through their problems with each other." Kenneth Cloke "Over the course of the past 40 years I've been immersed in working with people to get to places in which they see their conflicts completely differently." Kenneth Cloke "The language we use, the stories we tell and the way we approach our conflicts often has the outcome of making them worse and destroying our relationships." Kenneth Cloke "If you use the word 'you' in connection with something negative, the form of that pronoun is an accusation." Kenneth Cloke "Relationships are at stake in every conversation." Kenneth Cloke Mentioned: The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution by Kenneth Cloke The Dance of Opposites: Explorations in Mediation, Dialogue and Conflict Resolution Systems by Kenneth Cloke Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Find a mediator online Connect with Kenneth Cloke Visit Kenneth on the web Pick up one of Kenneth's relationship books Find out more about Kenneth's trainings he offers Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Suppose you're with an emotionally unavailable partner. In that case, you'll find that you can feel emotionally destabilized at times, that your partner is keeping you at arm's length. You might find that you can't talk deeply about the relationship itself and about what you need and what you want and especially where the two of you as a couple are headed in the future. In this episode, I talk with Ryan Haddon, a certified Life, and Spiritual Coach, Hypnotherapist, and certified Meditation teacher. She and I discuss how a person with narcissistic tendencies can emotionally keep you at bay and what you can do to shift your focus if you find yourself in one of these types of relationships. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Ryan Haddon is a certified Life and Spiritual Coach, Hypnotherapist, and certified Meditation teacher with over 16 years of experience with clients worldwide. A sought-after public speaker for corporate retreats and wellness events, Ryan does private workshops such as "Stepping Into Your Purpose," "The Work/Life Balance," and "Finding Your Center." Ryan was a keynote speaker for Visionary Women's 2020 virtual event and a featured speaker at CAA's 2020 global wellness event. She's also the in-house Life Coach at Kourtney Kardashian's website Poosh, where she writes mind/body/spirit articles. In this episode, Ryan Haddon and I discuss: Why you feel unsafe in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner. What does emotional unavailability look like in a partner? Reasons why people are emotionally unavailable. Why you feel lonely, unvalidated and rejected with a partner that's emotionally unavailable. The checklist of behaviors that emotionally unavailable people tend to display. Why it can feel like you are doing all the heavy lifting inside your relationship. How to figure out what you can do to break the pattern of dating emotionally unavailable people. Tweetables "If you're in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, you're most likely feeling destabilized at all times." Ryan Haddon "When you enter into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person you'll feel like you're not safe." Ryan Haddon "Knowing that they can't give you more than they are and if you manage to get past go, your relationship might be well underway and you might feel like you're dancing all the time, constantly taking their emotional temperature. Ryan Haddon "Emotional unavailability is a good term to describe when you're with someone who is always setting the terms, withdrawing physically and emotionally when you get too close, probably because they're afraid to be vulnerable." Ryan Haddon "It feels that one sidedness that you are always having to accept that they're not really needing you in that same playing field that you want to be in." Ryan Haddon Mentioned: Get your free guide Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide Listen to the podcast episode How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy - Part Two of the podcast series Connect with Ryan Haddon Visit Ryan on the web Chat with Ryan on Instagram Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Have you sat down to dinner with your partner only to find them on their cell phone most of your time together? Does your significant other consistently bring their computer into the bedroom, and you have a feeling of being dismissed? In this episode, I talk with Dr. Lori about the damaging effects of digital devices on relationships. Whether you are interacting with family, friends, or a partner, spending an excessive amount of time and avoiding others instead of interacting with them one-on-one can cause mistrust, a feeling of neglect, and displace couple intimacy. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: With over 25 years of experience, Dr. Lori has worked with thousands of clients, both domestic and internationally. Through her countless hours of research, Dr. Lori's commitment to helping businesses, families, and individuals overcome the problems created by device usage. Her book, The Effects of Texting on Marital Relationships, offers a poignant data-packed critique on texting within marriage, including its often negative impact. In addition to working one-on-one with clients, Dr. Lori advises businesses on the operational effects of over-connected employees, managing technology, distractions in the workplace, and driving employee productivity. In this episode, Dr. Lori Whatley and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How device usage can create challenges in relationships. How overuse of technology affects our levels of anxiety, quality of sleep and creates depression. Learn how human contact and in-person interactions affect our mood and brain chemistry. Why it takes up to 25 minutes for us to refocus after a digital distraction. How the amount of digital device usage can cut down on quality family and relationship time. How boundaries and rules can help couples resolve issues with overuse of digital time. How to deal with concerns of device addiction, jealousy and different ways of approaching social media in relationships. Listen in to find out why it's important that we learn to balance our digital devices as a society, the red flags of using too much daily technology, and how digital devices affect our focus. Learn why our attention span is shorter now than ever, how technology can be used as a tool for avoidance in a relationship, and how the overuse of a digital device can create distrust. "Everyday as I was working with couples, digital devices came up in our sessions." by Dr. Lori Whatley "The world needs to know how we are effected relationally and individually by our digital device issues." by Dr. Lori Whatley "The effect of technology is truly like another woman or another man in the relationship." by Dr. Lori Whatley "A "like" on social media is not the same as love in person." by Dr. Lori Whatley "Sometimes people fill their life and their hours up with their social media world and then they have no time left for in-person connection ." by Dr. Lori Whatley Mentioned: Connected and Engaged by Dr. Lori Whatley The Effects of Texting on Marital Relationships By Dr. Lori Whatley Family Assessment on Dr. Lori Whatley's website ERP 011: How Technological Impacts Our Relationship Connect with Dr. Lori Whatley Dr. Whatley on the web Get great information on her blog Check out her new book Connected & Engaged Read The Effects of Texting on the Marital Relationship Visit with Dr. Whatley on Instagram Chat with Dr. Whatley on Facebook Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Chris Seiter, the founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery and Ex Girlfriend Recovery has been helping thousands of broken hearted individuals win their exes back for over a decade. Implementing the very creative "no contact rule," which shuts down communication between exes for a certain period of time such in order to create space for each partner allows for healing, self recovery, and an opportunity for both of you to potentially come back together as a couple, which Chris believes is the key to long lasting success. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Chris Seiter and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How going through a break-up can be fertile ground for self-development and self-discovery. What happens when we do not have closure or time to process insights and understandings. How to use tactical empathy to address other's objections to move through resistance. What to focus on when communicating (and not through text). How to get in the right space emotionally. The importance of giving adequate time, space and distance to reflect. How to keep the end goal in mind and work towards creating a better relationship. "It is not about your ex, it is about you." by Chris Seiter Mentioned: Ex Boyfriend Recovery (website) Ex Girlfriend Recovery (website) Ex Boyfriend Recovery (podcast) Ex Girlfriend Recovery (podcast) Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Connect with Chris Seiter Websites: www.exboyfriendrecovery.com www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com Facebook: facebook.com/OfficialExBoyfriendRecovery/ Youtube: Chris Seiter Podcasts: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/podcasts/ Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Sarrah Rose is the founder of the tantric sex coaching platform Tantric Activation. She developed her coaching techniques by studying tantra, mixing in evolutionary biology, and adapting the method for practical use in the modern world. Sarrah was trained in the tantra method in India. She then earned her certification as a Sex, Love and Relationship Coach from the Tantra Institute of Integrated Sexuality. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Sarrah Rose and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How to use your sexual energy in a conscious way rather than being controlled by it. Becoming more aware of your patterns, shadow work, so that you can be more aligned in your mind, heart and sexuality. How your breath, sound, movement and focus helps you integrate the flow of energy throughout your body. How to deal with challenges, like performance anxiety, fear of rejection, and being shutdown or closed off to sex. How we train our body away from human physical touch when we use vibrators and porn. Why couples stop having sex and what is critical to know about the 3 stages of love. "For thousands of years, women have had to choose whether they were going to be accepted by society or express their sexuality." by Sarrah Rose Mentioned: Tantric Activation Sarrah Rose (website) Helen Fisher (website) Allison Armstrong (website) Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide Connect with Sarrah Rose Website: Tantric Activation Facebook: facebook.com/TantricActivation/ Instagram: instagram.com/tantricactivation/ Twitter: @IAmSarrahRose Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

One of the most difficult tasks in relationships is to maintain our sense of self...to not loose our self in relationship. This can be even more challenging during times of conflict, stress and uncertainty. And especially true when our partner is pressuring us to be something different or when we fear their reaction and ultimately a loss of approval and love. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How important it is to work on becoming differentiated in relationship. The fallout of not maintaining a solid sense of self. What it looks like when couples get stuck in emotional fusion and gridlock. Dr. David Schnarch's Four Points Of Balance: Solid Flexible Self, Quiet Mind - Calm Heart, Grounded Responding, and Meaningful Endurance. How differentiation relates to our passion, sexual desire and sexual intimacy. "A solid sense of self develops from confronting yourself, challenging yourself to do what's right, and earning your own self-respect. It develops from inside you rather than from internalizing what's around you." by Dr. David Schnarch Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Crucible Institute Dr. David Schnarch (website) Intimacy & Desire, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) Resurrecting Sex, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) Passionate Marriage, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) ERP 234: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part two (podcast) ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part One (podcast) ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part One (podcast) ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part Two (podcast) Dr. Susan Johnson's website Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Karl Staib is the author of Bring Gratitude and the Creator of the 30-Day Bring Gratitude Challenge. He has helped thousands of people train their brains. He developed the Dig to Fly method and SOAR technique to help his clients become more resilient and happier. He also created the Legendary Leader Method to help leaders build better relationships with their employees so they are happier and more productive. He has been featured by Forbes, NPR and Zen Habits and worked with Philips Global, Southwest Research Institute and Pioneer Nation. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Karl Staib and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How using a gratitude journal can help us: think differently, gain more self-understanding, and be a better person. How building awareness of our patterns and tendencies will give us insight into our growth areas. Emotions can create connection or disconnection in relationship. Karl's Dig To Fly method and the 5 key questions to ask ourselves when we are having a hard time. How to shift from being a negative person into a positive person and not letting letting negative thoughts dictate our actions. "Each day is "what it is" for 99% of it, and it is up to us (our attitude) to adjust to the world around us versus the world adjusting to us." by Karl Staib In solid relationships, partners bond over positive things rather than negative things. Karl's SOAR technique for a daily practice of gratitude and a healthy mindset. "We don't need big wins in life to feel happy. Small daily wins keep our mindsets strong and make it easier to appreciate the big wins." by Karl Staib Mentioned: Bring Gratitude by Karl Staib (book) 30 Day Gratitude Challenge Karl Staib Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide Connect with Karl Staib Website: Bring Gratitude Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Mike McNulty, PhD is a psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy, and the founder of The Chicago Relationship Center, and practices in Evanston and Highland Park, IL. Dr. McNulty is a senior certified Gottman relationship therapist and master trainer for The Gottman Institute, who leads workshops for couples and professionals in the United States, Ireland, and Sri Lanka. He has traveled to Sri Lanka 22 times since the 2004 tsunami to provide training to paraprofessional counselors. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Michael McNulty and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: What is ambiguous loss? How ambiguous loss affects the grieving process and how to address this type of loss. What to do when we have different perspectives and/or a different positions on an issue (i.e. like how to deal with Covid-19). How couples with different perspectives can work together and support each other. When problems become gridlocked and the stress and disconnect that results. What helps us be more flexible and creative, so that we can cope better and be more resilient together. How to build rituals for connection, meaning and significance. "Grief becomes frozen. People do not know what they are grieving, and how to begin to move forward with life." Mentioned: Coping with Uncertainty During COVID-19: An International Gottman Trainer Shares Their Perspective by Dr. Michael McNulty (Article) Ambiguous Loss Dr. Pauline Boss' website Chicago Relationship Center Website The Gottman Institute Website Dr. Susan Johnson Website The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties by William J. Doherty (book) Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl (book) Gottman Card Deck Connect with Dr. Michael McNulty Email: [email protected] Website: Chicago Relationship Center Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Ericka Young founded Tailor-Made Budgets in 2005 after she and her husband Chris climbed out of nearly $100,000 in debt. She is a certified financial coach by Ramsey Solutions and combines her passion for helping people with creative debt reduction techniques so everyone can have a path to financial freedom. Ericka teaches her message of debt freedom through her e-newsletters, personal and group coaching, workshops, best-selling book and speaking engagements. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Ericka Young and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The different ways people are fairing financially during the pandemic. What each of the three camps are experiencing and what they would benefit from considering moving forward. Learning how to anticipate and evaluate the health of your career industry. Using caution and being prepared as we move through this next phase. How to be aligned with what matters most to you and your significant other. How to weather the storm if you are taking a big hit during this time. How to not loose track of your financial goals as a family, even during the pandemic. Learning to be creative and in control of your personal economy. Mentioned: ERP 207: How To Get Out Of Financial Debt When Working Together As A Couple – An Interview With Ericka Young (podcast) Tailor Made Budgets Website 7 Day Money Challenge Free Video Series (Opt-in) Connect with Ericka Young: Email: [email protected] Website: Tailor Made Budgets Instagram: @tailormadebudgets Facebook: TailorMadeBudgets Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Love presents a great opportunity, and it can also feel like a great risk. Especially, when we have felt hurt in the past. If we are not conscious (and aware), we can mistake the fear we feel as an indication that something is off in the relationship or with our partner. The key is to recognize the fear you feel makes sense (understand it's origins) and learn how to work with the fear, so that you can learn to develop more intimacy with your significant other. In the episode, I reference the book "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love," by Elaine Aron. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How we question our lovability when we have felt hurt in the past. How love and intimacy can be threatening. Fear of loss of control and how to deal with it. Fear of one's "attack and destroy" impulses and what to do about it. Fear of being engulfed and how to take care of yourself. Fear of commitment and what to consider. Fear of disliking the other for subtle annoyances and how to negotiate this with your partner. "Love feels whole, energizing and integrating all parts of us. But wholeness would also mean integrating any repressed, split-off anger and destructiveness." by Elaine Aaron Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part One (podcast) The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, by Elaine Aaron The Most Dangerous Stories We Make Up, by Brené Brown ERP 018: How To Deal With Feelings Of Anger In Relationship (podcast) ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part One (podcast) ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part Two (podcast) Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) ERP 093: HOW THE "SHADOW" INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast) ERP 217: HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks (book) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

While we want to experience love and intimacy, it can often bring fears to the surface. The fears often have ties to previous pain and are subconscious or unconscious until we enter into a love relationship. In the episode, I reference the book "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love," by Elaine Aron. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How fears of intimacy develop in one's life. Ways people distance themselves emotionally as a result of a fear of intimacy. How love and intimacy can be threatening. Fear of exposure and rejection and how to deal with it. Fear of angry attacks and what to do about it. Fear of abandonment and how to take care of yourself. "To me intimacy means being authentic, revealing to another your most private and true-in-this-moment self - thoughts, feelings, bodily self." by Elaine Aaron Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, by Elaine Aaron ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) ERP 221: HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND WORK WITH SELF-SABOTAGE IN RELATIONSHIP AN INTERVIEW WITH BRIANNA WIEST (podcast) ERP 093: HOW THE "SHADOW" INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast) ERP 217: HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks (book) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Melissa Costello is a Transformational Eating Coach, Holistic Nutritionist, Speaker and Author. Her mission is to empower busy professionals to get off the yo-yo dieting rollercoaster and end emotional eating so they can lose the weight that is holding them back from living a life they truly love. Melissa's in-depth training in Spiritual Psychology, Clinical Nutrition and holistic coaching along with her own personal struggles provides the foundation for her clients to experience powerful breakthroughs and sustainable, profound transformation. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Melissa Costello and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Looking at our relationship to food and how we use food for more than just it's nutritional value. How to know if you struggle with food or have issues around food. The stress of emotional eating and/or viewing our body's in a negative way. How to tune out all the noise that keeps us confused and conflicted about how to eat and what to eat. The challenges couples face together around food and eating. How to turn towards your body's wisdom and intelligence. Gaining clarity and confidence in making decisions for the health of OUR bodies. "What was one negative thing someone said to you about your body, where you made a decision about yourself?" — Melissa Costello Mentioned: Smash The Wellness Industry NYT article Killing Us Softly Wikipedia Connect with Melissa Costello: Email: [email protected] Website: Karma Chow Instagram: @karmachow Facebook: KarmaChow Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Stacie Ysidro is the founder of Holistic Progressions and is acknowledged by the World Association of Sex Coaches. Starting her career with business and life coaching in 2009, Stacie combined sexology education, somatic coaching and spirituality to create a unique transformational experience for her clients. Over the 10+ years of service in her industry, Stacie has helped thousands of clients create a sexually satisfying life in recovery, overcome sexual guilt and shame, learn the language of arousal and pleasure, and reignite passion in their relationships. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Stacie and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Our unconscious tendencies in how we show up in sexual intimacy. Dealing with shame and old programming around our sexual expression. How our traumas, big and small, influence our experience and our ability to prioritize pleasure. The importance of redefining our sexual value system. Three tips to improve your own sexual energy. How to let the walls of protection down to allow for more vulnerability, safety and connection. The need to feel loved and accepted for who we are truly. Understanding that as your relationship changes your sex life will too, examine what your needs and wants are, and why. Explore and examine what is important to you, what you love about yourself, and what you love about your partner. "The journey to full sexual self-expression and sexual self-acceptance is the deepest most powerful way that you can step into personal growth and development." — Stacie Ysidro Mentioned: Erotic Blueprint Community ERP 071: How To Use Sexual EnergyTo Improve Your Health & Relationship – With Sarina Stone ERP 211: How To Get Rid Of Shame To Increase Pleasure In The Bedroom – With Ian Ferguson Connect with Stacie Ysidro: Email: [email protected] Website: Holistic Progressions Instagram: @sexcoach_stacie Facebook: Sober Intimacy Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Dr. Gleb Tsipursky is an internationally-recognized thought leader known as the Disaster Avoidance Expert, who is on a mission to protect leaders from dangerous judgment errors known as cognitive biases, which devastate bottom lines and bring down high-flying careers. His expertise and passion is developing the most effective and profitable decision-making strategies to empower leaders to avoid business disasters, maximize their bottom lines, and help their careers flourish. His proprietary methodology combines his pragmatic business experience with cutting-edge behavioral economics and cognitive neuroscience research. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Gleb Tsipursky and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Tribal brain systems: the flight, fight, or freeze environment Cognitive biases, training ourselves to notice when we are making judgment errors. Transparency in communication and misperception in communication. Emotions and their impact on our decision-making skills. Transparency and mission bias in our communication with others. The bias blind spot as it relates to cognitive bias. External perspective to eliminate bias, pessimistic vs optimistic perspectives and the related cognitive biases. "Everyone has cognitive biases just due to who we are." — Gleb Tsipursky Mentioned: The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconcious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships by Gleb Tsipursky Connect with Gleb Tsipursky: Website: disasteravoidanceexperts.com LinkedIn: Dr. Gleb Tsipursky Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Recently, I have been recommending the book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love" by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams. Since the last two podcast episodes have been referring to the importance of connecting and dating in relationship, I thought it would be valuable to share this book with you. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How being curious and interested in and with your partner will support a lifetime of learning, intimacy and vitality with your partner. The importance of seeing love as a practice. What threatens commitment and trust in relationship and how to built trust together. How conflict is inevitable in every relationship, and understanding the real goal of conflict. Learning the difference between solvable problems and perpetual problems. What helps partners create a great sex life together. Understanding the essential role of play and adventure in your relationship, so that you can keep things fresh and exciting. "Vulnerability creates trust, and trust is the oxygen your relationship needs to breathe." by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams. Mentioned: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love ERP 227: How To Date Your Significant Other - An Interview with Dr. Bill Harley ERP 228: How To See Relationship As A Spiritual Teacher - An Interview With Allana Pratt Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Allana Pratt is an intimacy expert, relationship coach, author of 6 books, and the host of the edgy podcast "Intimate Conversations." Allana offers private, group and online coaching programs for singles and couples to help her clients develop a healthy, intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Allana Pratt and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How our partner will mirror our work. How to see our partner as our master spiritual teacher. The power of taking ownership and offering an apology that lands. How to become the one to awaken the one. The process of growth and integration versus bypassing our wounded parts. How we get transparency by giving transparency. Tips for couples connection. Presencing together as a couple. A dyad date night exercise for intimacy. Tune into one another and keep asking the question, be open and curious. "All hearts when they are wounded close." — Allana Pratt Mentioned: Finding 'The One' is Bullsh*t: Becoming 'The One' is Brilliant & Beautiful, by Allana Pratt Jennifer Jimenez Vibrant Healthy Living David Deangelo Connect with Allana Pratt: Website: AllanaPratt.com Podcast: Intimate Conversations Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachallanapratt Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/AlanaPratt?sub_confirmation=1 Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. earned his Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara in 1967 and has been a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Minnesota since 1975. Dr. Harley is best known as the author of the internationally best selling book, His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage. Dr. Harley's ground-breaking mental-health approach to marriage therapy has saved countless marriages over the decades, and continues to do so today. He has written 23 other books and continues to write, speak, and lead seminars throughout the US and Canada. Dr. and Mrs. Harley also host a daily one-hour call-in show, Marriage Builders® Radio. It can be heard on radio stations and on the Internet. They have been married for 54 years and live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. They have two adult children, who are now working with them as marriage coaches, and four grandchildren. Mentioned: His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley In this episode, Dr. Bill Harley and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The four emotional needs that must be addressed in order to fall in love, stay in love, or get love back again. Breaking the "love busters" to create an environment where a date would actually be a mutually enjoyable experience. How finding things you enjoy doing together, and encouraging each other's individual passions can build connection. Using the "Love Bank Inventory" to measure what areas of love building need more attention. "No matter where you are in your marriage, dating can create a great marriage for you. It can solve all of your communication problems, it can solve all the struggles that you've been having, trying to make decisions. And I just challenge couples to recognize that 15 hours a week of undivided attention is the answer." — Dr. Bill Harley Connect with Dr. Bill Harley: Website: Marriage Builders® - Successful Marriage Advice Twitter: Marriage Builders (@marriagebuilder) Facebook: Marriage Builders - Home YouTube: MarriageBuilders Show: Marriage Builders Radio Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

With 25 years of post-graduate training and advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC and DC. She has been treating clients, training professionals, and supervising psychotherapists for more than 20 years. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. As an author and an expert on the subject of narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of several chapters on Schema Therapy for narcissism. She lectures both nationally and internationally to professional and general audiences on the subject of Schema Therapy, and the subject of narcissism, relationships, and dealing with difficult people. In this episode, Wendy Behary and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How confusing and disorienting it can be to be in a relationship with a narcissist. Understanding how a narcissist got to be how they are and what it entails. The spectrum of narcissism. The goal of a narcissist and the missing piece in relationship. How one's own schema, or learned thought patterns and behaviors, can be triggered by, and play into, the tendencies of a narcissist. How to have an effect of the relationship. How to get your emotional balance, so that you can approach your partner with empathic confrontation. The work that goes into helping someone feel capable of standing on their own, to be the strongest healthiest adult they can be, and their own best advocate. "To hear your own voice, to stand up for yourself...That's a new new movement, which will guide you towards making a decision about this relationship one way or the other, but making it from a healthy position, not from a frightened reaction." — Wendy Behary Mentioned: Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed, by Wendy Behary Loving Leaving Living With...The Narcissist In Your Life Connect with Guest: Website: disarmingthenarcissist.com LinkedIn: Wendy Behary - Speaker-Lecturer - PESI Facebook: Wendy T. Behary Email: [email protected] Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the Post Betrayal Transformation Institute and is a holistic psychologist, health, mindset, and personal development expert, the author of The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind, and Life After a Life Crisis and the forthcoming book: Trust Again. Her recent Ph.D. study on how we experience betrayal made 3 groundbreaking discoveries that change how long it takes to heal. She's an award-winning speaker, coach, and author dedicated to helping people move past their betrayals as well as any other blocks preventing them from the health, work, finances, relationships, confidence, and happiness they want most. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Debi and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Moving through the 5 stages of healing. Exploring deeper the levels of trust and deeper the levels of betrayal. Learning to recognize the physical and emotional symptoms of post betrayal syndrome. Micro betrayal: small betrayals that slowly deteriorate the trust in relationships. When a betrayer has no consequences, further deterioration of the relationship occurs and healing cannot begin. Beginning healing and starting the process of rebuilding relationships. Face it, feel it, heal it: working through betrayal and become the strongest version of yourself. "Betrayal is the breaking of a spoken or unspoken rule." — Debi Silber Mentioned: Untamed by Glennon Doyle Trust Again, by Debi Silber The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind, and Life After a Life Crisis, by Debi Silber Connect with Debi Silber: Website: ThePBTInstitute.com Membership Community Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Dealing with difficult emotions can feel uncertain, scary and extremely uncomfortable, especially when we have not had positive experiences with experiencing and expressing our emotion in the past. In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: The next three steps (out of five) in how to deal with difficult emotions. How we can recognize and identify our primary emotions. How acknowledging and naming our difficult emotions lessens the intensity of them and helps us begin the process of organizing and dealing with the emotion. How the questions we ask ourselves can contribute to more suffering and pain. What we can learn from our feelings and emotions. How the insights, learnings and lessons can help us move forward in a more powerful way. How self-compassion and understanding can help in the process of dealing with difficult emotions. Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Untamed, by Glennon Doyle ERP 223: HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT EMOTIONS – PART ONE ERP 142: How to Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness ERP 143: How to Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness – Part Two ERP 144: HOW TO INCREASE RELATIONSHIP SATISFACTION WITH MINDFULNESS – PART THREE ERP 140: How Pain and Suffering Increase & What to Do about It ERP 141: How To Decrease Relationship Pain and Suffering ERP 156: What Happens When You Feel Like A Victim In Relationship ERP 157: HOW TO SHIFT OUT OF THE VICTIM POSITION ERP 095: How Your Beliefs Can Destroy Your Relationship ERP 096: HOW YOUR BELIEFS CAN DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP – PART TWO ERP 135: HOW TO HANDLE GRIEF AND LOSS IN RELATIONSHIP – PART ONE ERP 136: HOW TO HANDLE GRIEF AND LOSS IN RELATIONSHIP – PART TWO Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Dealing with difficult emotions can feel uncertain, scary and extremely uncomfortable, especially when we have not had positive experiences with experiencing and expressing our emotion in the past. In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: The tendency to want to suppress, deny, avoid and reject our painful emotions. How avoiding painful and difficult emotions leads to more suffering and problems in the long-term. Learning to turn towards painful emotion can be terrifying, especially when we don't know how. The first two steps (out of five) in how to deal with difficult emotions. How feeling our emotion leads to our growth and development. Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Untamed, by Glennon Doyle ERP 199: How To Use Emotional Intelligence For Connection ERP 200: How To Use Emotional Intelligence For Connection - Part Two ERP 222: How To Deal With Triggers In Relationship ERP 160: How To Deal With Anxiety In Relationship ERP 126: What To Do When You Feel Insecure In Relationship ERP 127: What To Do When You Feel Insecure In Relationship - Part Two ERP 018: How To Deal With Feelings Of Anger In Relationship ERP 135: HOW TO HANDLE GRIEF AND LOSS IN RELATIONSHIP – PART ONE ERP 136: HOW TO HANDLE GRIEF AND LOSS IN RELATIONSHIP – PART TWO ERP 009: MY PERSONAL STORY – WHAT LED ME INTO THE FIELD OF COUPLES WORK AND RELATIONSHIP COACHING Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

David Richo Ph.D. is a Psychotherapist, Writer, and Workshop Leader. He teaches at a variety of places including Esalen and Spirit Rock Buddhist Center. He shares his time between Santa Barabara and San Francisco in California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. In this episode, David Richo and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The 3 common triggers: fear, anger, and sadness. The valuable lessons you can learn from your triggers. What happens when we live with triggers for a long period of time. Recognizing that you can be triggered by an environment, people, and/or events. Tools for working through triggers. "Relationships work best when we give equal attention to our own needs and to the needs of our partners and children." — David Richo Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication ERP 195: Essential Elements of Love (Podcast) ERP 196: Essential Elements of Love - Part Two (Podcast) Connect with David Richo: Website: DaveRicho.com Books: Triggers When the Past is Present How to Be an Adult in Love Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Brianna Wiest has traveled internationally as a journalist, written for Fortune 500 companies, and has spoken in cities around the continental United States. She is the author of five books, her latest, The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery is being published in 2020. Her dream is to use the power of words to help people awaken to their fullest potential, build emotional intelligence and fulfill their life purpose. In this episode, Brianna Wiest and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The difference between self-sabotage and victim mentality and how to recognize what you can and cannot control. Recognizing patterns in your relationships, so you can identify where healing needs to take place. "There (is) a shift that people make from being a victim of their story to the person who's writing the story." — Brianna Wiest Letting go of outside voices and expectations, so you can start connecting to what you really want to feel and experience. How self-sabotage is actually about loving yourself, and how that realization can lead to healing. How to gauge your level of self-sabotage, which can help indicate areas of resistance, as well as areas of flow. "Self-sabotage is not a way we hurt ourselves; it's a way we try to protect ourselves." — Brianna Wiest Mentioned: The Mountain Is You: Brianna Wiest Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Connect with Brianna Wiest: Website: briannawiest.com Instagram: instagram.com/briannawiest Podcast: Get Out Of Your Own Way Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In this episode, I am answering a listeners's question in how to reconnect emotionally with his wife. In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: The four stages of separation distress. The benefits and value of going slow to maintain emotional balance and regulation. How to reveal and soften to help create safety. The importance of being emotionally present and attuned to your significant other. Where men often get stuck in connecting emotionally, especially when there is conflict. Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson ERP 220: How To Deal With Stonewalling In Relationship (podcast) Still Face Experiment (video) Hole Me Tight (course) Dr. Susan Johnson talk "Conversations at The Royal: Love Sense" (video) Love Sense (book) by Dr. Susan Johnson Hold Me Tight (book) by Dr. Susan Johnson The Gottman Institute (website) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Today, I am referencing Dr. Vivek Murthy's book, Together, to offer some added support for the larger conversation around institutional racism, oppression and social justice. In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: The right of human belonging and humanization. The role of disconnection, dehumanization, fear and distrust that plays into our experience. How do we build trust, repair and relationship together. "The challenge of the remainder of our century is how are we as a global family going to attend to the basic fundamentals of creating the right of belonging?" John Paul Lederach in "Together" by Dr. Vivek Murthy Exploring the question..."how do we experience more connection collectively." How to engage in higher quality presence and connection when differences exist. "I have a fundamental belief that at the root of every person is a spark of the Creator. There's something that binds everyone. Even if they are behaving in ways I find reprehensible, we still share a common humanity. And that can't be erased. Even if someone is doing things that are really against me or harming me or society. I feel somewhat of a responsibility to that person." Matthew Stevenson from "Together" by Dr. Vivek Murthy Resources: Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Dr. Vivek Murthy Black Lives Matter (reading list, find a local chapter, donate, etc) Support Campaign Zero, a police reform group that has been working on policy solutions "informed by data and human rights principles." Anti-racism Resources NY Times Antiracist Reading List Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Today, I am pausing from the regularly scheduled episodes to stand in solidarity for Black Out Tuesday and Black Lives Matter. On the Empowered Relationship podcast, we address principles that support healthy relationship. The importance of safety, respect and reverence for people expands beyond intimate connection. We are all a part of a human family. When harm, injury, abuse, injustice occurs, it affects us all whether we turn towards it or we turn away from it. As we talk about on this show, when someone is acting out of protest, there is pain. While the message isn't always clear. If we look deeply, what is underneath is "This is not okay. I am not okay." Today, I invite you to consider putting attention towards positive change and being a part of a solution. I encourage any time you would have allocated towards improving your intimate relationship today to invest in the quality of human connection and with Black Lives specifically. What can you do today to pivot your focus to relationship, care and consideration for the safety and well-being of Black Lives and the experience of African Americans in the United States, as well as your role (your relationship, how you participate or how you don't participate)? We all have a role. There are many ways you can do this. If you are looking for ideas, please see below for some suggestions. Another way to think about this...is what do you do when someone you love or care about is hurting? Or when you feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do? Learn. Read. Listen. Hold space. Get involved. Donate Sign petitions. Resources (not a comprehensive list): Black Lives Matter (reading list, find a local chapter, donate, etc) Support Campaign Zero, a police reform group that has been working on policy solutions "informed by data and human rights principles." Anti-racism Resources NY Times Antiracist Reading List Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Today, I am giving more attention and support to a listener's question, who writes "How do you deal with a partner who stonewalls?" In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: What stonewalling is and what it entails. Common dynamics and patterns that lead to one partner withdrawing or stonewalling. What is often underneath the stonewalling behavior and what it feels like on the receiving end. Research findings about the differences between men and women as it relates to stonewalling. Over time, the pain of stonewalling can be devastating to the emotional bond and relationship. Tips for how to get off the destructive track of the pursuer-withdrawer pattern, so that we can find our emotional balance and start a softer, more positive and constructive conversation with our partner. Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson ERP 213: How Shame And Grandiosity Relate To Self-Esteem - An Interview With Terry Real (podcast) ERP 210: How Emotionally Intelligent Men Are Key To A Lasting Relationship - An Interview With Kyle Benson (podcast) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In last weeks episode, ERP 215, we discussed how connection to other people really begins with our connection to ourself. In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: What loneliness is and how we experience it. The 3 dimensions of loneliness, and how we need all three to thrive. How our expectations and cultural messages influence loneliness. The consequences and health risks of loneliness. "Medicine and technology may fail us at times, but human connection grounded in love and compassion always heals." by Dr. Vivek Murthy How shame and mental health issues interact with loneliness. How loneliness is experienced differently among men and women. Ways to build connection and emotional fitness. "We all have a deep and abiding need to be seen for who we are - as fully dimensional, complex, and vulnerable human beings. We all need to know that we matter and that we are loved. These are the deep-seated needs that secure relationships satisfy, and when they are met, we tend to live healthier, more productive and more rewarding lives. When they go unmet, we suffer." by Dr. Vivek Murthy Mentioned: Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Dr. Vivek Murthy ERP 215: How To Deal With Being "Alone Together" (podcast) ERP 213: How Shame And Grandiosity Relate To Self-Esteem - An Interview With Terry Real (podcast) ERP 210: How Emotionally Intelligent Men Are Key To A Lasting Relationship - An Interview With Kyle Benson (podcast) Dr. Vivek Murthy and Brené on Loneliness and Connection (podcast) ERP 083: How Vibrant Community Helps Support Healthy Relationship - With Christiane Pelmas (podcast) ERP 017: What To Do When You Are Feeling Lonely In Relationship - Part Two (podcast) ERP 016: What To Do When You Are Feeling Lonely In Relationship - Part One (podcast) ERP 110: How To Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs In Relationship (podcast) (podcast) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

When I saw the #alonetogether, I questioned "Is this really what we are all feeling? If anything, it seems like the majority of us are feeling "togetheralone." In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: With the division in perspectives and approaches right now, it can be hard to know how to move forward (with both supporting the economy and people's health and safety). The challenges of separation, distance, lack of connection and contact that people are experiencing right now. Ironically, how taking time to be still and centered supports our clarity, confidence, and connections. "Don't confuse loneliness with time by yourself" by Micaela Marini Higgs" Why getting quality alone time is hard, and our aversion to taking it. How it is easy to mistake or confuse anxiety, exhaustion, and stress for the need to be alone or in solitude. The surprising benefits of choosing to invest in quality alone time. "Our connection to other people really begins with our connection to ourself" By Dr. Vivek Murthy Mentioned: Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Dr. Vivek Murthy Why You Should Find Time to Be Alone With Yourself, by Micaela Marini Higgs Dr. Vivek Murthy and Brené on Loneliness and Connection (podcast) ERP 110: How To Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs In Relationship (podcast) (podcast) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Dr. Tom Habib is a clinical psychologist specializing in couple's therapy. Tom has published papers on a Couple's Line of Development (Integral Leadership Review, Aug-Nov, 2016, revised 2018) in addition to other publications on other topics. He has presented at the Integral Theory Conference, at the Integral European Conference where he was recognized for the Best Practitioner Paper, Honorable Mention. Tom is currently serving as the chair for the International Consortium of Integral Scholars for IEC 2020. Tom has been recognized by Academia.edu as achieving the top 1% researcher in recognition of how often his work is viewed by researchers all over the world. In this episode, Dr. Tom Habib and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Exploring the developmental stages of couplehood, along with the challenges and opportunities. How a couple's intimacy is dependent on each person's developmental history. Society's glorification of the exciting first stage of relationships and how that adds to the challenges of surviving the next phase of relationship (where reality sets in). Two common fantasies we have in relationship and how they pose a barrier to true intimacy. "People are blowing up their lives because they are so hungry for connection." Dr. Tom Habib Getting to the place where you recognize and value each other's strengths and weaknesses and figure out how to use those to work together. Working towards an abundance and gratitude mindset, understanding your inner world more fully, and a willingness to be transparent with your partner. Embracing moments of emotional vulnerability to develop resonance and build moments of connection and intimacy with your significant other. What we can learn from the last developmental stage of relationship. How to determine what stage you are in and how to grow your relationship. "As Ken Wilber talks about, the ability to show up fully means that you have cleaned up, you've grown up, and you've woken up. There's enough trust to not overreact to that moment, then the enlightenment really starts to build, because when they reveal something, you begin to go, 'Wow, I didn't even see that. I wanna see more.' ...because you're aware that it's always unfolding. And when you can unfold it with two people, it really gets special." — Dr. Tom Habib Mentioned: A Couples Line of Development by Dr. Tom Habib Integral European Conference: IEC ONLINE 2020 First Love Vs Spiritual Love Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love – Free Guide ERP 197: How To Engage In More Conscious Communication - an Interview with Robert Macnaughton (podcast) ERP 159: What Happens When Your Partner is at a Different Stage of Development? An Interview Martin Ucik (podcast) ERP 093: How the "Shadow" Influences our Growth in Life and In Relationship with Dr. Keith Witt (podcast) Connect with Dr. Tom Habib: Website: drtomhabib.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrTomHabib/ Email: [email protected] Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Terry Real is a nationally recognized family therapist and author. Particularly known for his groundbreaking work on men, his work on gender and couples. He published the national bestseller: I Don't Want To Talk About It, the first book written on the topic of male depression. He has been in private practice for thirty years and he is the Founder of The Relational Life Institute, where he teaches therapist trainings and workshops for couples In this episode, Terry Real and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: . How men need to find the courage to be vulnerable in order to achieve the intimacy required to maintain a healthy relationship. The false forms of self-esteem that many of us operate under, versus the inside-out knowledge of our essential worth as human beings. How shame and grandiosity both stem from a feeling of unworthiness and the different ways they wreak havoc on relationships. How to quiet the inner critic and practice self-love. The need for a paradigm shift from a dominant style of masculinity to a cooperative, ecological, and humble masculinity. "Here's what I want to tell you. I used to be you, I spent most of my life loathing myself. I spent most of my life bouncing back and forth between inferiority and superiority. I did not like being alone in my skin. It was not fun to be there. And what I want to tell you is I'm no longer there. I am happy in my own skin, and I earned that. Nobody gave that to me. And you can earn it just as easily if you do the work" — Terry Real Mentioned: Fierce Intimacy Evolutionary Relationships Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication The Long Shadow of Couples Therapy Connect with Terry Real: Website: terryreal.com Facebook: Terry Real - Relational Life Institute - Home Books: I Don't Want to Talk About It The New Rules of Marriage How Can I Get Through To You? Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

The Mindful Couple. Craig has over 30 years of experience dedicated to helping couples rekindle their love, deepen their intimacy and strengthen communication as a couples therapist, and Debbie is a relationship educator and coach. Through Lambert Couples Therapy, they have worked with thousands of couples, helping them understand the often unconscious underpinnings of relationship conflict. They are based in San Diego. In this episode, Craig, Debbie, and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How so much conflict comes from an inability or unwillingness to see beyond our own vantage point. The dangers of confirmation bias and how it reinforces resistance, which makes empathy and diversity more of a challenge. Tools to use for opening up dialogue and finding common ground. The power of celebrating the wins that we're having, and the things that people are doing, right. Enriching your own perspective and strengthening your relationships by becoming curious and asking questions. "I think the political differences really brings up a lot of resistance on both sides, but it's such a beautiful opportunity to see it... then we can choose to maybe go down a different path with less resistance on either what we're doing politically or just in our relationships. I think in the midst of resistance is a desire to connect and to understand." — Debbie Lambert Mentioned: Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Connect with Craig and Debbie Lambert: Website: craiglamberttherapy.com/the-mindful-couple/ Book: The Mindful Couple Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Ian Ferguson is an intimacy coach and teacher of the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ platform, designed to radically transform how we talk about and experience sex. Ian is an expert on clearing shame and ending struggles that keep people from experiencing a deep intimate connection and sexual satisfaction. Through the Erotic Blueprints, he and Jaiya Ma have provided a 'Rosetta Stone' for people to clearly articulate their desires and experience erotic fulfillment. In this episode, Ian Ferguson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How social norms make it difficult to talk about sex in a healthy way, and propagate shame. Getting to know your own body so you can begin to articulate who you are as an erotic being How understanding which of the five erotic personality types you fit into can transform your sex life How to listen to the sometimes competing messages from your body and get to the heart of what it is you truly want for yourself sexually. Shame is often driven by trauma. Allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel and move through the shame into healing is transformative and freeing. "No matter what is going on for you, you are normal, you are not broken. You are whole and complete as you are. The primary rule for operating in the world around your sexuality is simply that everything that you're doing is consensual and that you're creating healthy boundaries for yourself." — Ian Ferguson Mentioned: Erotic Blueprint Quiz Path To Passion Connect with Guest: Website: https://missjaiya.com/ Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/JaiyaNWSE/ Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Kyle Benson is an Intentional Intimate Relationship coach providing practical, research-based tools to build long-lasting relationships. Kyle is best known for his compassion and non-judgmental style and his capacity to see the root problem. In this episode, Kyle Benson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The importance of tuning in to the information our bodies give us to improve our health and our lives. How men who are emotionally engaged generally have more stable relationships because they are more sensitive to what was going on in their partner's world. How emotionally intelligent partners often turn towards difficult emotions in their partners and in themselves, rather than avoiding them. Helping men overcome a lifetime of being told to suppress so-called "unmasculine" emotions. The importance of creating a safe space for anyone, but especially men, to express their feelings. "It's such a joy to see that transformation and that kind of new shift...they're making a choice to step into something that's unfamiliar. That's scary...but when they start to touch into that in their relationship, and you create that safer space, I mean, it's really beautiful when they can connect with their partners." — Kyle Benson Intimacy 5 Challenge Emotionally Intelligent Relationship Mankind Project Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Connect with Guest: Website: kylebenson.net Twitter: @_KyleBenson Facebook: facebook.com/kylebenson.net Email: Contact Kyle Benson Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Donna is one of the Co-founders and facilitators of The Bridge Retreat and has been working with individuals, couples and groups for almost 30 years. Donna is passionate about the subject of grief and the grieving process which she believes offers the missing link for many in their search for wholeness. This interest stemmed from her own very personal experience of 'depression' which she suffered from for many years and now knows to have in fact been unprocessed grief. In this episode, Donna Lancaster and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Discomfort, anxiety, and depression may actually be unprocessed pain and grief. Being grateful for our incredible capacity for survival and resilience, but not letting our past difficulties define you. How we tend to see people through our own lenses of past pain. Heartbreak is inevitable and an essential part of being wonderfully human. The power of recognizing pain as a community, and healing in a community. "The details of our stories may differ. But the essence of them is the same...we all go through loss, our hearts break, again and again, it's part of the human condition. But what we're not shown, generally speaking, is how to allow and to embrace all those emotions and let them flow through us (as) they're meant to do, so that we can then really, really return to our wholeness. Not even return, just remember, because we always were home. And that is the power of community." — Donna Lancaster Mentioned: The Bridge Retreat Video The Bridge Retreat website How to Handle Grief & Loss In Relationship podcast) How to Handle Grief & Loss In Relationship - Part Two (podcast) Grief Refuge (grief companioning) Free strategy session with Dr. Jessica Higgins (coaching) Connect with Donna: Website: https://www.thebridgeretreat.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebridgeretreat/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebridgehealing/ Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

No doubt, we are all feeling the stress of the COVID-19 crisis. I reach out to you today to be in community with you, as we are all being impacted. With the threats looming, it is easy to feel scared, uncertain, and a sense of loss. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How the way with deal with a challenge can be more important than the challenge itself. How to find a balance between panicking in fear and ignoring or dismissing the issue. Learning to manage our reactions and activated states. Building awareness around our experience, so that we can be more present to others and ourselves. Focusing on an Intention for clarity and direction. How to build connection with others even when we are limited. How to practice discernment and mindful action. Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Mentioned: Awareness, Intention And Mindful Action - During Stressful Times (article) Fear Melters, by Gay & Katie Hendricks Wheel of Awareness, by Dr. Dan Siegel Aware, by Daniel Siegel Coming to Terms With Coincidence, By Ralph Lewis M.D Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Ericka Young is a recognized expert in financial coaching and helps families significantly improve their finances and their future. As founder and president of Tailor-Made Budgets, she teaches debt freedom through her e-newsletters, personal coaching, group programs, and speaking engagements. In this episode, Ericka Young and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How most people see debt as "normal," but it breeds shame and embarrassment. Once you reach your breaking point, getting out of debt requires diligence and persistence. Rather than being restrictive, a budget can be freeing and give you control of your finances. If you are afraid to look at your debt, then you won't know what it's going to take to get free. Working together as a couple requires stepping back, looking at the big picture, and working toward a common goal. "They're so afraid that looking at the number is going to mean that the house is gonna fall down around them. And my take on this is, first of all, you're not alone. This is why I'm here. I've been there. And so I understand that this is difficult. You can do hard things though. And if you don't face it, you can't change it." — Ericka Young Mentioned: Free Mini-Course Naked and Unashamed Connect with Ericka: Website: https://www.tailormadebudgets.com/ Facebook: TailorMadeBudgets Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tailormadebudgets/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erickayoung/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/budgetsbyericka Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Typically, we don't think about porn being related to lovemaking. However, many people are experiencing relationship challenges related to the use of porn. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How the use of porn has changed over time. Our paradigm about and consciousness around porn. What happens when we don't examine how and why we use porn. How porn supports one aspect of sexuality, which may be very limiting when it comes to interacting with an actual partner. How porn addiction and miseducation can interfere with love making. How we may be turning away from our partners and using porn as a coping strategy. How lovemaking can be an all encompassing, full-spectrum, and integrated experience. "Porn is strictly genital sex. It completely divorces sex from emotional attachment, the springboard for optimal sex, which requires mutual engagement, attunement, and responsiveness. Porn reduces sex to sensation - intercourse and orgasm - and eliminates any connection to or respect for the user's partner." by Dr. Susan Johnson Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Relationship Map - Free Cheat Sheet Mentioned: ERP 202: HOW TO NURTURE YOUR SEXUAL INTIMACY AND CONNECTION IN RELATIONSHIP ERP 145: PORNOGRAPHY. WHAT ARE WE REALLY TALKING ABOUT? WITH DR. MARTY KLEIN Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Simone Milasas: Simone Milasas is a lady who knows how to be a woman, who sees the joy of possibility and future and knows that there is the prospect of possibility in every choice you choose. Simone is the author of Joy Of Business translated into 13 languages and best-selling book Getting Out Of Debt Joyfully translated into 5 languages. She is currently working on her 3rd book with Brendon Watt called; Relationship. Are you sure you want one? Simone currently travels the world facilitating seminars with Access Consciousness. She also has numerous online courses and is always asking for more possibilities to show up. You can find Simone every week on her podcast – The Art & Industry of Business & Living available on her website and iTunes. In this episode, Simone Milasas and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How money should contribute to your relationships, rather than define them Being willing to look at what's in front of you and knowing yourself and your partner creates trust. Money is just money and shouldn't create as much havoc as it does Creating a non-judgmental space is essential for open communication about finances Writing down everything that it costs to run your life together, and deciding how you want to live is how to make informed choices and take control of your finances Make it a joyous occasion to look at your expenses because your life changes! If you don't ask for it, how's it going to show up? Subtext doesn't work, it only creates conflict. Your partner can't read your mind! Recognizing the value of non-monetary contributions to the relationship You've got to look at what's going to work for you "What I've noticed over the years is if I choose to be clear on something, then I can create something and I can change something. It's when you choose not to be aware of something that you can't change it...And if you don't know what your point of view is that creates your own financial reality and you're in a relationship, then this reality will create it for you." — Simone Milasas Mentioned: Access Consciousness. Relationship. Are You Sure You Want One?Relationships Done Different Connect with Guest: Website: https://www.simonemilasas.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AccessSimoneMilasas Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simonemilasas/ Podcast: https://www.simonemilasas.com/podcasts/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonemilasas LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joyofbusiness/: Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Learning more about your attachment and communication styles can give you and your partner the power to transform a challenging relationship. About Amy Chan: Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. She is also the Editor-in-Chief of JustMyType.ca - an online magazine that focuses on the psychology behind love, lust and desire. Marie Claire calls her "A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and her company has been featured across national media including Good Morning America, Vogue, Glamour, Nightline and the front page of The New York Times. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Amy Chan and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How relationship challenges can teach us about our areas of growth and healing. How to notice if you are starting to lose yourself in a relationship and how to maintain a healthy connection, both with your partner and with yourself. The importance of identifying the root motivations for our giving and sacrifice behavior. What attachment theory is and how early life plays a large role in your attachment style in a relationship. How knowing your attachment style can help you resolve issues more quickly with your significant other, as well as help you develop a more secure attachment. Tips around what to do when you feel triggered and threatened, so that you can begin to regulate your nervous system and emotional state. Learning how to organize your feelings and approach your partner in a way that supports more effective communication. "When you're in this survival state, that your connection is threatened, you're not logical. So anything you're going to do during that state is probably not a really healthy choice for your future. And so you want to get back to calm and center. And before you do anything, before you send that text or make that call or break up, you want to be able to get back into a high vibe." — Amy Chan Mentioned: Amy's Breakup Bootcamp Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Connect with Amy Chan: Website: www.renewbreakupbootcamp.com Blog: https://www.justmytype.ca/ Breakup Bootcamp on Instagram: @renewyourheart Amy Chan on Instagram: @missamychan Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In this episode, I talk with Lisa Barros D'Sa and Glenn Leyburn about the film Ordinary Love. Bleecker Street's ORDINARY LOVE, starring Academy Award® nominees Lesley Manville ("Phantom Thread") and Liam Neeson ("Schlinder's List"). Following its critically acclaimed debut at TIFF, ORDINARY LOVE hit theaters on Valentine's Day, February 14th, and follows the story of an everyday couple with a remarkable love. The film is directed by Irish filmmaking duo Lisa Barros D'Sa & Glenn Leyburn ("Good Vibrations," "Cherrybomb") with a screenplay from the award-winning playwright Owen McCafferty. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Lisa Barros D'Sa, Glenn Leyburn and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: A love story of a middle-aged couple. The warmth, humor, and connection that comes from a deep level of intimacy. When confronted with a major hardship, we have the opportunity to uplift each other and keep each other afloat. With a major health issue, there is an individual journey as well as a couple journey. When we attempt to protect our partner from our pain, we often feel isolated. What honesty, acceptance, strength and courage can look like within a relationship during painful times. How life's difficulties can separate us and bring us back together again. Collaboration through mutual trust and respect. Mentioned: Website: https://bleeckerstreetmedia.com/ordinary-love-film Insta: bleeckerstfilms Twitter: @bleeckerstfilms Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Sharing sexual intimacy and love making with your significant other can be such a profound and prominent way to express love and passion within your bond. And yet, there are so many things that make the process of coming together in an open, flexible, and engaged way challenging. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How our expectations, assumptions and judgements influence our experience sexually. What differentiation has to do with sexual fire and passion. How couples get stuck in gridlock and sexual difficulties. The fears, shame, anxieties, trauma, and stress that affect our ability to be available and present sexually. The ways our attachment strategies show up in our love making. How safety in the relationship helps partners be more present, expressed and engaged in erotic play. "Worry and distraction do not make for expansive, fulfilling sex. Sealed-off sex tends to be erotic but empty, while solcae sex is soothing but unerotic. The most satisfying and orgasmic sex, what I call "synchrony sex," occurs when partners are securely attached." by Dr. Susan Johnson Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Relationship Map - Free Cheat Sheet Mentioned: WHAT DOES THE DEVELOPMENT OF INTIMACY LOOK LIKE IN RELATIONSHIP? ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson Hold Me Tight, by Dr. Susan Johnson Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch Intimacy & Desire, by David Schnarch Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In this episode, I will be addressing a listener's question in a little more depth. If you do not resonate with the example shared, then please replace "tattoo" with something that your partner has done that is against your wishes. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: The benefits of working through the power struggle phase. Navigating the two main conflicting needs in relationship. Addressing differences in a safe, supportive and collaborative way. How to develop deeper levels of understanding and empathy when discussing a tender, emotional topic with your significant other. Gaining clarity about boundaries and agreements. Identifying and shifting out of critical and defensive patterns. Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Relationship Map - Free Cheat Sheet Podcast: ERP 200: HOW TO USE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FOR CONNECTION, PART TWO ERP 199: HOW TO USE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FOR CONNECTION WHAT DOES THE DEVELOPMENT OF INTIMACY LOOK LIKE IN RELATIONSHIP? ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP ERP 013: BALANCING INTIMACY AND AUTONOMY IN RELATIONSHIP ERP 045: HOW TO GAIN SELF-CONFIDENCE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ERP 006: MAKING AND KEEPING AGREEMENTS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ERP 116: HOW TO REGAIN TRUST AND SELF-CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU'VE LOST IT ERP 194: HOW TO ALCHEMIZE YOUR TRIGGERS INTO INSIGHT – AN INTERVIEW WITH TOBIN ZIVON Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In Part 2 of this series, Jessica dives deeper into the how-tos of building emotional connectivity with our partners in order to reaffirm trust and safety while negating criticism. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: Healing the intimacy disconnect between unspoken fear and defensiveness. Why humans are designed to be in bonded relationships. Dr. Susan Johnson's research on the psychological repercussions of emotional independence. Differences between men and women in emotional responses and suppression. How to learn the road map of emotionally connected conversations. The feedback loop between vulnerability and security. The ability to find balance and the vital importance of at least one positive, early attachment parental figure. Why intimacy is rooted in empathy. " Learning to love and be loved is, in effect, about learning to tune into our emotions so that we know what we need from a partner, and expressing those needs openly in a way that evokes sympathy and support from him or her." — Dr. Susan Johnson Mentioned: ERP, How To Use Your Emotional Intelligence For Connection, Part One Love Sense by Dr. Susan Johnson Hold Me Tight, by Dr. Susan Johnson Shifting Criticism Into Connected Communication Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

All too often we get stuck in disconnect patterns when painful emotions arise in relationship. Most of the time, we don't even know we are hurting because we are only aware of our reactions...anger, frustration, criticism etc. When we lead with our reactions, our partner doesn't see our pain, and does not know how to help. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: What would happen if we freeze framed the moment right before we react to our partner? What would we learn? How we often don't have a road map for how to be with our difficult emotions. The strategies we develop to cope with painful emotions in relationship. The purpose of emotion. What happens when we name painful emotions. The groundwork for empathy in relationship. "Emotion is actually nature's exquisitely efficient information-processing and signaling system..." by Dr. Susan Johnson Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Podcast: ERP 189: HOW BEING "SELFISH" MAY BE THE BEST THING YOU DO FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP – AN INTERVIEW WITH DR. LAURA DABNEY ERP 194: HOW TO ALCHEMIZE YOUR TRIGGERS INTO INSIGHT – AN INTERVIEW WITH TOBIN ZIVON Book: Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Noah St John: Noah St. John, author of 15 books including the NEW book Power Habits®: The New Science for Making Success Automatic® Noah St. John is known as "The Power Habits® Mentor" and is famous for helping people get rid of their head trash and make more money. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Noah St John and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How people end up starving themselves of success. Recognizing the learning process of being successful. The interaction (and combined effect) of the inner game and the outer game. Identifying unconscious patterns. Assessing systems and strategies. What are power habits for happy couples Getting our brain to be in service of possibilities and positive outcomes. How to ask empowering questions. The elements of freedom lifestyle - time, energy, relationship, money. Mentioned: ERP 140: HOW PAIN AND SUFFERING INCREASE & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT ERP 141: HOW TO DECREASE RELATIONSHIP PAIN AND SUFFERING Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/noahstjohn Website: www.NoahStJohn.com Instagram: @noahstjohn Book: www.PowerHabitsBook.com Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Today, we are continuing the conversation about how to cultivate a more loving presence through the Five A's offered by David Richo. The Five A's are Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing. If you missed episode ERP 195: 5 Essential Elements Of Love - Part- One, I encourage you to listen to it before listening to this episode, as it gives context for this conversation as well as discusses the first 2 A's. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: The challenges of not receiving appreciation and how this can affect us both personally and relationally. How offering specific appreciations can increase the positive impact. Affection refers not just to physical contact, but also to the feeling of being close through conversation, gestures, and presence. Allowing means letting someone be themselves and giving them the freedom to do things in their own way. The difference between trying to control your partner and setting limits and boundaries for yourself. The importance of giving the 5 A's to others AND giving the 5 A's to ourselves. "Being a fair witness requires a healthy ego, because distance and objectivity are unavailable to someone with poor boundaries, no tolerance of ambiguity, and no sense of a personal center." by David Richo Mentioned: Podcast: ERP 195: 5 ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF LOVE ERP 036: HOW TO OFFER THE GIFT OF LISTENING ERP 089: HOW TO USE LOVE LANGUAGES TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTION ERP 090: HOW TO USE LOVE LANGUAGES TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTION – PART TWO Website: David Richo's website Book: How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living, by David Richo Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In the book, "How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living," David Richo offers us 5 essential practices of love. David calls these practices the "Five A's," which are attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. "What we need for the building of a self is precisely what we need for happiness in our adult love relationships." by David Richo (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: Our human need for the 5 A's occurs throughout our lifespan in order to thrive and feel secure. Giving and receiving the 5 A's with a significant other can reduce stress, anxiety, depression, as well as can help heal wounds from previous relationship trauma. The importance of giving the 5 A's to others AND giving the 5 A's to ourselves. A description of the first 2 (of the 5) A's: Attention and Acceptance. "Love from another adult does more than just satisfy us in the present. It ripples back in time for us, repairing, restoring, and renovating an inadequate past." by David Richo Mentioned: Podcast: ERP 036: HOW TO OFFER THE GIFT OF LISTENING ERP 189: HOW BEING "SELFISH" MAY BE THE BEST THING YOU DO FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP – AN INTERVIEW WITH DR. LAURA DABNEY ERP 089: HOW TO USE LOVE LANGUAGES TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTION ERP 090: HOW TO USE LOVE LANGUAGES TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTION – PART TWO Website: David Richo's website Book: How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living, by David Richo Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Robert MacNaughton: Robert MacNaughton is an executive leadership coach and facilitator who teaches about how to skillfully reconcile seemingly contradictory world-views in relationships, organization, and culture. Robert is an authority in the fields of Integral business, behavioral development, and experiential education. Robert focuses on supporting leaders with execution strategies, designing work culture, and navigating interpersonal conflict both personally and professionally. Robert founded The Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado in association with renowned philosopher Ken Wilber. As its CEO, Robert managed five profit centers and supervised over 100 contractors, teachers, facilitators, and community leaders in over 25 cities globally (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Robert MacNaughton and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The difference between relating and relationship. What integral theory is and how it relates in our lives and our relationships. The line of development that can be traced in our lives. Cultivating tools for your communication toolbox. The art and science of setting context. How partners experience conflict at different stages. Negotiating relationship between partners at different stages. "Be on the lookout for your canaries in the coal mine." — Robert MacNaughton Mentioned: Twitter: @rmacnaughton Website: IntegralCentered.com The Daily Evolver: The First Church of the Integral Forbes: Millennials, This Is What Your Quarter-Life Crisis Is Telling You Emerge Podcast: Robert MacNaughton – Learnings from the Life and Death of the Integral Center Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

About Tobin Zivon: Tobin Zivon has been a love, intimacy and sacred sexuality coach for over two and a half decades. The author of The Art of Mindful Living, Tobin helps groups, couples and individuals blossom to their highest potential. His brilliance shines most brightly when working with men, women and couples in the realms of love, intimacy and sacred sexuality. Tobin has been lovingly nicknamed the "couples whisperer" and has worked with thousands of individuals and couples to break through to a new, more fulfilling and connected love life. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) In this episode, Tobin Zivon and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How to unlock repetitive frustration patterns and power struggles in relationships. Why and how frustrating patterns start in the first place. The "divine design" present in 99% of relationships. Optimizing love and the two-step dance of embodying our true potential in the areas of love and intimacy. Being armed with the skillful means and tools to get at the root of ourselves and our relationships is the second step. The traumas and imprints within each of us and learning to live with and through them. Common frustrations of the masculine and feminine and how they play into each other. The surprising keys for dissolving power struggles (and what keeps them in place). "If you have the capacity to, first and foremost, meet that [heat] with loving awareness – a willingness to feel - we are starting to drive a wedge into it in that moment. Any moment, any millisecond, that we are feeling, as opposed to letting it run the show or stuffing it down and pretending it doesn't exist, then we are actually doing that alchemy; we are actually healing a part of our being that was imprinted from before this person who's in front of us." — Tobin Zivon Mentioned: Facebook: Tobin Zivon Website: TobinZivon.com & Relationship-Mastery-Secrets.com Instagram: @tobinzivon Book: The Art of Mindful Living Book Reference: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose – Eckhart Tolle Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.