Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

It is common for codependent people to be people pleasers. While this strategy is effective at avoiding conflict, it also builds up anger and resentment that your partner may not even know about. Michelle Farris is a licensed psychotherapist, anger management specialist, and course creator. She discusses how letting go of codependence is not an easy task as the anger that so often accompanies codependence feels too familiar. Toxic codependence does not have to be a permanent reality. Michelle explains that therapy provides a safe space to work out the root cause of your pain and allows you to go through the complex process of recovery. Michelle's work helps codependent people trust themselves and create mutually satisfying relationships. She has been featured on Psych Central, Bustle, Your Tango, The Good Men Project, and The Daily Positive to name a few. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 07:18 Codependency is a relationship pattern that focuses on others at the expense of yourself. It relies on external validation. Recovery helps people discover their personal identities. 08:58 Identifying the traits of codependence that are hurting you is the first step of recovery. It may take years to become ready to let go as there is a painful withdrawal process that must be undertaken. 15:50 Saying no takes practice. Start with the safest people who are okay with you saying no and start with the "baby nos." 18:26 Codependent people may not relate with the word anger, as it may be too scary, but can typically relate with resentment. 21:14 Voicing what hurt you is a liberating experience. It has the potential of changing the dynamics of your relationship because it creates awareness of what you're feeling, something which may not have been apparent before. 24:49 Codependents don't go to anger immediately. It is, in many ways, a secondary emotion that comes after hurt. But festering anger and feelings of being a victim begin with hurt not being handled in the first place. 29:04 When anger leads to rage it is critical to be mindful. It is probably not the best time to talk and you may need to take some time off and walk away before returning. 32:10 Anger at oneself is tricky territory. It's important to have a safe community, perhaps in therapy, where you are validated that you did the best you can given your circumstances and you can make a different choice when you are ready. 34:15 Recovery involves fixing your relationship with yourself, improving your relationship skills, and doing the childhood work. This is not linear and the issues with each aspect happen at the same time, making recovery a complex endeavor. 37:03 An addiction to relationship is additionally complex as having it is a biological necessity. However, what therapy does is lessen the dependence on other people. 42:17 Receiving a favor is a practice that not only helps you take care of yourself but also allows others to be present in your life. 44:46 How to get in touch with Michelle and learn more about Counseling Recovery Mentioned Counseling Recovery Website Counseling Recovery Checklist ERP 260: How to Break Free from Codependency in a Relationship – an Interview with Sherry Gaba Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Authentic relating refers to how you express your own authentic self, the way you seek the same from your partner, and the dynamic created in between. Sara Ness, an internationally acclaimed facilitator, teacher, and community-builder popularized the field of Authentic Relating through the use of authentic relating games. The values of authentic relating include awareness, empathy, honesty, and the importance of creating space. Not only does this help romantic relationships blossom into their most authentic forms, but it also helps multinational organizations like Google, Mindvalley, and Burning Man grow in authentic leadership and communication. Sara Ness wrote the source text for Authentic Relating and has worked with tens of thousands of students in more than 100 communities on every continent except Antarctica. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 04:12 Authentic relating involves 3 perspectives: ourselves (authenticity), the other person and how we relate, and the space in between. There is a constant feeling out of how much of our authentic truth we bring and seek, and the synergy between. 08:39 Authentic relating games like Withholds and Appreciations allow you to look at your relationship instead of simply being in it. These exercises reveal, through honest communication, relationship patterns that may act as barriers in relationship. 13:11 The Noticing game puts to words the feelings, sensations, and lines of thoughts you have with your partner. It reveals the idea of presence in connection with someone else. 18:04 Authenticity has layers and is congruent to the values we are committed to. Your values will dictate the level and kind of authenticity you respond from. 22:00 Authentic relating exercises are also effective within multinational companies like Google, as well as the addiction recovery space and diversity discussions. 25:08 It is even possible to use authentic relating games to actually meet your romantic partner because it teaches how to set boundaries, make requests, and discover your values within a relationship. 30:54 Knowing what helps you recover from a trigger before it even happens is one of the most powerful things you can do in relationship. 33:36 Making a request is about changing behavior. This must be navigated caringly as different people and social cultures may have different ways of communication. Space must be created for these behaviors to change. 39:40 The act of making request is complex and involves vulnerability. Sometimes there is a need to go through conflict to figure out what your request truly is. 43:37 How to get in touch with Sara and learn more about Authentic Relating Mentioned ERP 215: How to Deal with Being "Alone Together" ERP 216: What to Know about Loneliness and Relationship ERP 273: How to Handle The Concern Of Vulnerability Not Working In Relationship The Authentic Revolution website The Authentic Revolution Instagram page Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Self and co-regulation is an essential human need that couples need to understand to know that their relationship is somewhere they can feel safe and come home to. Deb Dana, LCSW, clinician and consultant specializing in Polyvagal theory, joins the podcast to discuss what regulation is, its role in the nervous system, and how couples can apply it to their relationships. Deb trains therapists worldwide on the Polyvagal approach. She is co-founder of The Polyvagal Institute and author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation and Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices. Deb is also the co-editor with Stephen Porges of Clinical Application of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal Informed Therapies and developer of the Rythm of Regulation clinical training series among many other pioneering works into this space. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 06:21 Co-regulation is the first organizing principle of polyvagal theory. It is a biological need to survive and to experience well-being. For people living with trauma, this did not happen in a safe environment and led to self-regulation instead. 08:40 Neuroception is the second organizing principle. It refers to the nervous system's way of getting information. The nervous system is constantly listening to three pathways: inside the body, the environment, and other nervous systems. 09:57 Hierarchy is the third organizing principle. There are three states that we visit all the time: ventral (safety and connection), sympathetic (fight and flight), and dorsal (disconnect and shutdown). 13:25 Co-dysregulation in relationship is common and when this happens the prefrontal cortex doesn't work the way it should. For couple therapy to be effective, one system must be anchored in ventral. 17:52 Protective strategies keep partners sympathetically charged. Since biology keeps nervous systems in this state, timing is important so that connection happens. Reaching by one partner while the other is in this state will result in pushback. 27:28 Tips for couples in dysregulated phases and using language other nervous systems can understand. 35:01 Asking who, what, where, when is an exercise to anchor to ventral and feel safe. 43:07 Contact Deb and learn more about the Polyvagal approach. Mentioned The Polyvagal Institute Website Rhythm of Regulation Website The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation (*Amazon book link) Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices (*Amazon book link) Polyvagal Flip Chart: Understanding the Science of Safety (*Amazon book link) Clinical Application of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal Informed Therapies (*Amazon book link) Befriending Your Nervous System: Looking Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory (*Amazon audiobook link) Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (*Amazon book link) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Substance abuse disorder wreaks havoc on a relationship with trust being one of the first to erode. Chantal Jauvin, an attorney and book author, joins the podcast to talk on the ASCENT approach which couples in recovery can practice to make their recovery journey successful and reignite the love that may have been lost due to addiction. Chantal, for all her expertise which made her General Counsel of a Fortune 500 company, did not know how to save her husband from the grips of addiction or building a relationship while in recovery. It took years of soul work and interactions with other couples to produce her second book, Love Without Martinis, to share the lessons she learned along the way. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 03:59 Chantal learns about substance use disorder and collects couples' stories to share to others as a learning tool. 06:12 Recovery covers three aspects: The one suffering, the one who loves them, and the relationship itself. 13:50 Couples can recover successfully from substance abuse with the ASCENT approach. 18:09 A: Assess readiness to change. Shift focus from what cannot be done to what can be done. The Stoplight Method makes it smoother to move areas that are red to yellow and eventually green. 28:07 S: Structure your time. This creates accountability, a key aspect in building trust, and conveys what matters to you and what you truly value. 31:33 C: Create your community. Addiction creates trauma and emotional baggage, so meeting new people, it provides a fresh start without the guilt associated with past behaviors. It also teaches you on how to set healthy boundaries. 34:43 E: Engage in your life. To feel the joy of living, to get fired up, you need to assume responsibility for your own life. Engaging in what makes you happy helps your own individual growth, as well as the growth of the couple itself. 38:47 N: Nurture your spirituality. This allows each partner to pause and become self-aware to break the chain reaction of action and reaction which is so prevalent in substance abuse disorder. 41:24 T: Treasure your partnership. A touch, smile, or compliment says, "I see you" and creates meaning. Mentioned Chantal's website Chantal's Facebook Chantal's Instagram Chantal's LinkedIn Love Without Martinis Amazon page (*Amazon Link) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Borderline personality disorders make things appear as black and white with no integration between the two. It manifests as rejecting the love and support from a partner, the very thing that a person with this disorder actually needs in the first place. Gabrielle Usatynski, a licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, explains that borderline personality disorders cause radical misperceptions which cause confusion in relationship. Displaying compassion plays a central role in healing the very source of the trauma to result in more loving and fulfilling relationships. Gabrielle is the host of the new TV show "Iconic Couples of History" and the Founder of the Power Couples Institute. She has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Counseling Today, and Women's Health. She has an upcoming book entitled "The Power Couple Formula" due for release later this year. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 06:51 Personality disorders impair the way we look at our identity and the identity of others. This has a significant impact on displays of empathy and intimacy in relationship. 13:15 "Splitting" in personality disorders means a person cannot integrate opposing thoughts and only sees things as one or another. There is a lack of integration between the two, something which normally develops very early in life. 18:57 There is a nurture aspect to borderline personality disorders which is attributed to trauma, abuse, and/or neglect. Any sabotage to a growing person's self-activation will manifest in relationships well into adulthood. 26:46 Borderline personality disorder affects the socio-emotional capacity to separate raw emotions and physiological experiences. It is a lack of neural integration that results in poor reality testing. 35:08 Clinicians can easily misdiagnose borderline personality disorders. There is a need for partners to display love and compassion to address the root trauma that is causing so much disconnect in relationship. 41:01 Borderline personalities sabotage the very thing they need the most, which is the love and security they receive from their partners. 44:53 How to care for a partner with borderline personality disorder. 51:34 Having a third party observe the dynamics of a relationship and attempt to fix the system can create profound changes in the individuals. 53:42 Couples with a shared mission, an organized principle between them, give a reason to hold in the relationship through the good and bad times. 56:35 Get in touch with Gabrielle. Mentioned Power Couples Education website The Power Couple Formula book website Power Couples Counseling Power Couples Education YouTube Channel ERP: 180: What If I Think My Partner Has a Personality Disorder? An Interview with Gabrielle Usatynski Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

Vulnerability is a key aspect in connecting with your partner. It makes you feel seen and provides a sense of belonging. However, the longing to feel known and the fear of letting down our guard are two competing human needs that must be understood with compassion. In many cases, our own protective strategies helped us survive trauma and pain in the past. However, many years later, these same strategies prevent us from becoming seen, validated, and known. Today's episode discusses some of the most common protective strategies and what you can do to turn it around and increase intimacy in relationship. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 05:25 Vulnerability cultivates connection. Disconnect happens when there is a block between the call of one partner and the response of the other. 10:02 Being vulnerable is difficult. The desire for intimacy is there but an inner conflict based on fear holds us back from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. 14:42 Having a safe container for vulnerability is paramount. This is rooted in biology via the polyvagal system which requires us to have reciprocal and safe interactions with our closest connections. 18:42 The most successful couples respond to each other's "bids" or calls and responses. This allows couples to feel validated and seen. 22:14 Unsuccessful attempts at vulnerability are caused by "blocks" or personal protective strategies. It has been proven that humans choose safety and familiarity over intimacy and vulnerability during critical moments. 29:15 The desire to be known and to protect against hurt are two competing human needs. Being in a threatened state makes it impossible to access vulnerability and have constructive conversations. 31:13 Examples of protective tendencies that get in the way vulnerability include people-pleasing, intellectualizing/explaining/defending, numbing out, getting angry/reacting, hiding, being resistant, denial, being stressed/tired, and independent stance. 38:02 Tips to cultivate vulnerability and increase intimacy in your relationship. Mentioned ERP 233: How to Deal with Fears of Intimacy – Part One ERP 234: How to Deal with Fears of Intimacy – Part Two ERP 247: How to Turn Towards Your Partner to Strengthen Your Love ERP 261: How to Strengthen Your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective – an Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges ERP 220: How to Reconnect Emotionally with your Significant Other Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

New parents cannot truly prepare for the profound changes a baby brings. Catherine O'Brien, Licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, and founder of HappyWithBaby.com shares tips to keep your relationship strong despite the very real challenges of raising kids. One of the most common changes new parents experience is the disconnect that brews between them due to the demands of the baby. The secret to overcoming this and even strengthening your relationship is by honestly communicating what your needs are and validating each other when parenting is done right. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 05:31 Introduction to Catherine O'Brien 06:25 Prenatal classes to prepare for your first child are important but having a baby brings unforeseen consequences, such as creating a disconnect with your partner. 11:18 Each parent feels like they are doing all the work. Postpartum communication is critical to share the load and make sure you and your partner know what tasks need to be done and by whom. 14:29 Communication also strengthens your connection with your partner. This connection can fade given the enormous number of tasks needed to raise a child. 19:00 Take stock of your own needs first then see how you can be there for your partner next. This way, you can both bond with your baby in a meaningful way. 22:49 It's normal to not enjoy every moment of being a parent. Acknowledging and validating each other is important to keep your love alive and foster positive growth as parents. 25:14 Having a united front and handling unwanted parenting advice. 31:47 Catherine's baby-friendly tips for self-care and reigniting your relationship. 39:46 How to get in touch with Catherine and her Facebook group. Mentioned Catherine's website Happy with Baby Community Facebook Group Happy with Baby Facebook Page Happy with Baby Instagram Page Happy with Baby Twitter Page Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

Holding on to the past may seem like gaining power over things that cannot be changed, but the opposite is true. Judith Belmont, motivational speaker, author, and psychotherapist for 40 years, advises that forgiving makes you and your relationship happier and more loving. Forgiveness is essential to become free of the pains of the past. The hurt may never leave, but it can be managed positively so that you no longer have to bring it into your relationship and instead focus on the here and now. Judith is the author of 9 mental health and wellness books and therapeutic card decks, including Embrace Your Greatness and The Anxiety and Stress Solution Deck. Her books cover self-help, personal development, and tips and tools for therapists working with clients. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 04:17 Introduction to Judith Belmont 06:43 Forgiving does not condone an action that was taken. What it does is allow you to move on from your past and prevent another person from gaining power over you. 10:28 Reliving the hurt of the past means that you will never be free of it. This is the opposite of mindfulness which is defined as non-judgmental awareness. 15:41 People don't want to be wronged. Forgiveness may seem counterproductive to this sense of righteousness, but it allows you to overcome a former way of thinking that is no longer relevant to you and your life today. 17:02 In relationship, living your partner's narrative of you makes you at the mercy of someone else and distorts your self-esteem. 20:07 The hardest thing for most people is forgiving themselves as people are notoriously less forgiving of themselves than others. 23:31 Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Forgiveness is giving up your righteousness that you were wronged or you wronged yourself, accepting what happened and growing from it. 28:58 Reclaim your power over your feelings. It is YOU who allowed yourself to feel something with someone else's actions. Be a victor instead of being a victim. 33:15 Feeling hurt is necessary to let you know that something wrong happened. In fact, some situations will deepen you because of the hurt. You can manage hurt instead of carrying it. 37:29 Judith's tips and strategies for forgiving others and yourself 40:11 Information on Judith's books, therapeutic cards, and website Mentioned Judith's website What is Your Forgiveness IQ? by Judith Belmont Judith's Amazon author page ERP 026: How to Repair & Resolve Hurt in Relationship ERP 123: Forgive For Love with Dr. Fred Luskin ERP 153: How to Repair a Breach of Trust in Relationship ERP 158: How to Resolve Resentment in Your Relationship Shifting Criticism for Connected Communication by Dr. Jessica Higgins Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

People who live with relational trauma develop hypersensitive nervous systems as a survival instinct. Orit Krug, an award-winning Board-Certified Dance and Movement Therapist, explains that this results in a disconnect between what the mind wants and the body feels, hindering us from experiencing true intimacy in loving relationships. Certain movements represent certain behaviors and desired ones can be triggered through dance and movement. As trauma is also expressed in physical posturing and habits, dance therapy can rewire new patterns of behavior through body movement and desire for a healthy and loving space. Orit has over a decade of experience helping women heal from past trauma and enjoy healthy lifelong relationships with their partners. Orit founded the "Mind Your Body" podcast and has been featured in Elephant Journal, ThriveGlobal, Authority Magazine, as well as quoted in SELF & INSIDER. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 01:52 Relationships are mirrors that reveal wounded aspects of ourselves. Addressing these ignored areas allows us to become better equipped in navigating long-term relational intimacy. 04:10 Introduction to Orit Krug: Her history of trauma and expertise in dance and movement therapy. 09:13 Trauma gets trapped in the nervous system and causes us to become hyper vigilant. Survival responses are designed to keep us safe and cannot be changed by simply adopting mindsets. 13:40 People living with trauma attract negative relationships that sabotage intimacy and pleasure because of its familiarity. 16:32 Recognize avoidant and numbing behavior patterns in intimate relationships that cause disconnects between mind and body. Getting triggered by these automatic reactions clouds our access to our higher brains and prevents sexual intimacy. 21:39 As memories of trauma are stored in our bodies as different sensations, dance and movement therapy provide a safe space to tune in again. This therapy also helps expand our window of tolerance for being vulnerable in a relationship. 29:44 Different movements represent different behaviors. How we hold our body is a habitual and physiological manifestation that prevents us from becoming the best versions of ourselves. 35:36 How dance therapy works: Revealing behavioral patterns in your relationship and feeling a space between your instinctive reactions and actual responses to heal from years of trauma 46:06 Information on Orit's free programs and Facebook group Mentioned The Wired for Love Website The Lasting Love Movement Group Orit Krug's Let Love In Program Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

The Nice Guy Syndrome has become the norm for so many men. Dr. Robert Glover, author of the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy," comes on today's show to tell us how to unlearn this passive-aggressive persona, overcome sexual shame, and enjoy healthier relationships. Dr. Robert Glover shares his own history of living as a Nice Guy and the breaking points that told him enough is enough. He has spent over 30 years helping men and women get the love, sex, and life they want. His groundbreaking books, classes, podcasts, and seminars have helped form the foundation for a growing world-wide men's movement. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 02:42 Dr. Jessica Higgins revisits the Empowered Relationship Podcast intention to achieve long-lasting intimacy. 07:00 Introduction to Dr. Robert Glover and the "Nice Guy Syndrome." 10:20 Unpacking "Covert Contracts" and the paradigm of the Nice Guy 14:49 The Nice Guy Syndrome: Anxiety, shame, passive-aggressive behavior. Dr. Glover explains that this begins as an infant's precognitive response to pain that gets carried into adulthood. 23:23 No More Mr. Nice Guy teaches that there is a better alternative to the "default" roadmap of Nice Guys: Fear of confrontation, agreeing too much, and the inability to take a clear stand. 32:15 Nice Guys mindsets on expectations and attraction, including passive-aggressive behavior, are fundamentally flawed. 37:09 Pushing down wants and needs leads to problems with intimacy, living fantasy worlds, and porn. Too often, Nice Guys assume that they have to conceal their interest in a girl due to their sexual shame. 43:17 Tips and strategies: Dr. Glover gives practical advice so Nice Guys can take control and be honest with themselves. 52:41 How to contact Dr. Robert Glover Mentioned [email protected] Dr. Robert Glover's Website No More Mr Nice Guy Homepage Dating Essentials For Men Get your own copy of at No More Mr. Nice Guy at Amazon Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I talk with Irene Fehr. We discuss how to be better prepared to navigate long-lasting intimacy and deal with the extensive range of emotions that come with long-term relationships. We also talk about what emotions may be activated and how we can learn new perspectives on our relationship by becoming more curious and explorative. Ending up in a sexless marriage when she lost her libido, Irene felt shame around not sexually wanting her partner. She shut down and withdrew from life because she thought there was something wrong with her as a woman. From this point, Irene wanted to help other couples rediscover the magic of sex in all different stages to have a fulfilled intimate sexual experience, no matter how long a couple is together. Listen in to learn why looking outside of your relationship to fix a sexless marriage won't work, how couples can create connection sex, and how Irene helps couples navigate and access needs and sexual desires. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio As a Sex and Intimacy Coach, Irene Fehr, MA, CPCC, has helped hundreds of committed couples to add sex and passion into sexless relationships and fall in love with each other again. She is no stranger to her clients' complaints, having recovered from the all-too-common story of "happy marriage turned sexless" when she lost her libido. You can read Irene's perspectives on sex, sexual desire in a long-term relationship, and women's libido in HuffPost, Cosmopolitan, Refinery29, and ScaryMommy. In this episode, Irene Fehr & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Why friction sex has a shelf life and limits The three types of sex during stages of relationships How sex can get repetitive for couples Why women can lose their libido How stress can reduce your sex hormones Why friction sex is fueled by drugs and alcohol Where attachment is a factor in sex and relationships How sex can turn into a battleground for validation The three sex myths people fall into How couples can allow for quality time together and more touch The importance of making enough quality time together Messaging around the arousal journey Why you need to create space around your body as a woman Mentioned Visit Irene Fehr on the web Free 3-video training "How to Want Sex Again" Three types of sex as background Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, Dr. Joli Hamilton speaks about jealousy, defining what jealousy is and approaching jealousy in a relationship. Jealousy isn't a simple emotion and is made in tangled layers of gross emotions we don't like to feel, such as sadness, anger, grief, arousal, and fear. Jealousy reminds us that we love, lust, and desire someone that has this strange tone. Envy plays along with jealousy as we are wishing we had something someone else has. Insecurity plays a role as it's a root cause of intense jealousy and reduces our resilience in relationships. Listen in to learn how to separate the feelings of insecurity from jealousy, what can be perceived as a threat in a relationship, and why we wish we could be protected from jealousy. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio Dr. Joli Hamilton is a research psychologist, best-selling author, TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator. She has spent the past two decades balancing a wild entrepreneurial spirit with a deep desire to have a secure, passionate partnership along with raising 7 kids along the way! Joli is committed to helping women create sustainable, soul-nourishing relationships without sacrificing their career dreams. In this episode, Dr. Hamilton & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The definition of jealousy as it applies to relationships Why imagining our relationship being interrupted by another can provoke jealousy How insecurity plays into jealousy in a relationship Why envy results from insecurity Work we can do to improve our own self-esteem Types of threats people can perceive with jealousy The importance of why we need to feel like we have something to give in a relationship Variables that can affect jealousy in a relationship Why having mutual understanding is so important How childhood trauma affects jealousy Techniques for managing jealousy Why monogamy doesn't protect you from feelings of jealousy Grief plays a significant role in jealousy Four ways to deal with jealousy Mentioned Dr. Joli Hamilton on the web Polysecure the book Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, Shana James and I talk about being more vulnerable and showing more transparency about our experience, intentions, and hopes and how this can help promote more intimacy in relationships. When relating to others, on one end of the spectrum we can be people-pleasing and shame collapsing. On the opposite side, we can be controlling and dominant. Neither option leads to a fulfilling relationship. Whereas in the middle, we have a sense of assertiveness, strength, and having an open heart with transparency and vulnerability. Having a healthy balance and a dynamic exchange between two people centered around support is the most advantageous for building relationships. Having a conversation based on "compassionate curiosity" without jumping to assumptions or conclusions can lead to great learning and understanding. The more you take leadership in the conversation, the more you can be available to feel your partner's fears. Listen in to learn how to create a safe space for both partners, how to turn your emotional walls into doorways for conversation, and how to collaborate together for heightened sex and intimacy. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio For 15 years Shana James coached more than a thousand leaders, CEOs, authors and people with big visions to find love, step into more powerful leadership, start and grow businesses, create a legacy, and become more personally inspired and fulfilled. Shana cuts through distraction and provides direct access to confidence, power and clarity. She is also a translator between women and men, providing effective tools to transform conversations and dynamics that have gone awry into connection. In this episode, Shana & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Humanity, trust and feeling safe inside relationships and at work How to show up for yourself in your relationship Why you don't need to flip to the complete opposite side of an archetype Getting into a locked dynamic when one person in a partnership isn't being vulnerable What challenging each other through love can look like How to motivate or encourage people who are afraid to be vulnerable Why practicing conversation with someone is important The importance of feeling seen and heard for females in a relationship Mentioned Shana James Coaching on the web What 1000's Men's Tears Reveal Ted Talk by Shana James Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, Georgia, Silver, and I chat about how to take a different perspective with your partner, how to know each other more deeply and have the ability to cultivate intimacy in relationship. Prior to meeting, Georgia hadn't thrived in relationships and Silver had essentially written them off completely. When Silver and Georgia entered into relationship, they decided to start to open up to each other as never before. They recorded every conversation and used their talking points to create their first book together. We often aren't taught intimacy in our life. It can be helpful to reflect on which patterns are healthy and which are not. Then, you can practice shifting out of the unhealthy patterns, so that you can give yourself room to grow in relationship. Listen in to learn how to hold space for each other in a relationship; self-development works as it applies to building your relationship with others and peering into a new relationship or aspect of your life. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio Georgia Morley is an Emotional Resilience Coach,CBT, relationship mentor with over 10 years experience working with women around addiction, physical and emotional body health, developmental trauma and sexual reclamation after abuse. Silver Storic is an Author and Mentor boldly showing up as a Global Connection Ambassador, leading workshops and keynotes on Radical Truth and recovery from codependency. Silver co-authored the Amazon bestseller Better Business, Better Life, Better World - The Movement. Together, Georgia & Silver share their life's work of freedom from codependent themes and painful relationship patterns that oppress relationships and keep couples from experiencing true intimacy in partnership. In this episode, Georgia, Silver, & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How to live a life of fulfillment and love The types of confines we put on our relationships How Georgia and Silver co-created their ideal relationship together The three elements of relationship Why wounds and trauma show up in our adult relationship Changing the somatic and cognitive experiences of your life Losing perspective of yourself and your relationship Acknowledging toxic aspects and relationships as unhealthy patterns How to have love leadership in your relationship Creating healthy practices for yourself and your relationship Living inside the feeling of discomfort Mentioned Love, Life and Legacy Follow on Instagram Check out their Facebook Group Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, Robin Hills and I chat about emotional intelligence and how your EI can improve your relationship. Robin talks about his life-long journey in developing EI skills for himself and what emotional intelligence looks like in action. As emotional beings, we can't manage our "emotional platter" all the time. There are times when we aren't feeling well, and we won't be at our EI best. In addition, we can find times to give others space when they need an emotional break. Self-awareness plays a significant role in emotional intelligence. Those with high self-awareness tend to be the people with good EI, and those with low self-awareness tend to have low EI. Working on self-awareness is a skill that can be used to reflect on how your preferences and behaviors are manifesting themselves. Listen in to learn why empathy is a significant part of acquiring EI, why it's OK for men to express emotions, and how EI starts when you are a baby. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio Robin is the director of Ei4Change, a company specialized in emotional intelligence, positive psychology and neuroscience. He has taught more than 100,000 students how to build resilience, increased self-awareness and understanding of others. His programs are today used in educational establishments in South Africa and India. He is the author of two books and has developed the experiential coaching methodology: Images of Resilience, and sits on the North West Committee of the Association of Business Psychology. In this episode, Robin Hill & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Variables that can affect your emotional intelligence How emotional intelligence is managing your emotions and understanding others emotions through understanding and empathy Why reflecting on self-awareness is a key element in moving toward EI balance The role empathy plays in emotional intelligence and relationships The importance of recognizing when others have a lower EI Toxic relationships and how that plays in emotional intelligence How Myers-Briggs and other tools can give you valuable personality information The way we process information is a big part of understanding how to communicate with another Tips for building emotional intelligence Mentioned Visit Robin on the web Episode 199 How to Use Your Emotional Intelligence for Connection Part I Episode 200 How to Use Your Emotional Intelligence for Connection Part II Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm chatting with GS Youngblood, a coach focusing on masculine energy. The values of clarity and leadership are what he uses as a basis for his model on masculine leadership. We talk about the masculine energy in relationship to the feminine energy and how each energy holds its own space in each relationship. GS's practice focuses on what men can do to get over their "nice guy" energy in trying to appease everyone. His blueprints show men how to respond from their masculine core without feeling like they have to control everything around them. Today, men are stuck in between taking control and pleasing their partner. GS's three-part blueprint shows men how to be grounded, create safety, choose to respond (rather than react) and to provide structure and clarity, which in turn greatly affects their relationship. Listen in to learn how men can be more embodied, how the elements of his blueprint provide structure, and how to create safety in relationship. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio GS Youngblood coaches men in relationships on how to live, love, and lead from their Masculine core. He specializes in "nice guys" who are with strong women. His teachings combine deep embodiment work with the framework of the Masculine blueprint from his book "The Masculine in Relationship". In his past life, GS was a high-tech executive in Sales and Marketing for 16 years, including founding and selling a company. The leadership practices of Silicon Valley, based on clarity and inspiration rather than control, are a major influence on the model of Masculine leadership he shares with his clients. In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How to bring masculine energy out into the world and your relationship Details of each element of GS's blueprint Examples of how masculine energy works in a relationship The "nice guy" dynamic in a relationship How emotional pain takes a role in a relationship Where men are getting stuck in their masculinity How anxiety plays a role in stopping men from stepping into their masculine role Example verbiage to use when creating clarity in asking for what you want Why name calling your partner "crazy" is a bad choice for your relationship How to connect to your heart and your sense of embodiment Mentioned Visit GS on the web Connect with GS on Facebook Follow GS on Instagram The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman by GS Youngblood (book)* Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I will offer some input on what you want to be considering if you are doubting or questioning your relationship. Evaluating the choice to stay or go will matter depending on your commitment level, if you are dating or if you are in a long-term committed relationship or marriage. Overall, it is tough to give a prescriptive answer that will fit everyone. Some standard deal-breakers make being in a relationship impossible or too harmful and painful such as abuse, addiction, or affairs. Other times, we may experience nuances that make it difficult to be clear about "should I stay or should I go." It is confusing when we get into trying to compare other people's experiences to our own. One situation may mean two completely different things in different relationships. The majority of the time, when I am helping couples work with their pain, conflict, upset, discord, I see how they are both playing into the problematic dynamic. The dynamic of the relationship is usually the source of disconnect between a couple. Listen in to learn how to improve your current relationship, dating traps you can fall into, and how to figure out what is a real dealbreaker for you with your boundaries and values. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Common deal breakers in relationships Commitment level in relationship makes a difference when evaluating the relationship How to get clear about what you are experiencing in relationship When personal protection and defenses gets in the way of connecting in a relationship Limits and boundaries during dating Dating traps to avoid when seeking a healthy relationship How fantasy bonds can cloud decision making Learning about your boundaries and sense of value How to get clear on what you want in a relationship Warning signs for your relationship, which can be wake-up calls if you do the work Mentioned How to Break Free from CoDependency Episode 260 How to Strengthen your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective - an Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges Episode 261 Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Stephen Porges, and we'll be talking about how to create safety with reciprocal cues within a relationship from a polyvagal perspective. Polyvagal theory helps us understand how our nervous systems operate and how we can support our ability to be more present and open with another. Stephen encourages us to consider how we typically view various aspects of relationship: the ways we experience attraction and bonding and our sense of love and long-term relationship. Through these understandings, we can improve our relationship by developing more connection, security and safety within our bonds. Listen in to learn how our mammalian vagal pathway is linked to our facial expressions, how past trauma can affect your physical state from a polyvagal perspective, and why we need to respect and honor our feelings and bodies. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Stephen W. Porges, Ph.D. is Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University where he is the founding director of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium in the Kinsey Institute. He is the originator of the Polyvagal Theory, that emphasizes the importance of physiological state in the expression of behavioral, mental, and health problems related to traumatic experiences. He is the creator of a music-based intervention, the Safe and Sound Protocol™ , currently used by more than 1500 therapists to improve spontaneous social engagement, to reduce hearing sensitivities, and to improve language processing. In this episode, Dr. Stephen Porges and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How the polyvagal theory relates to the couple experience How our physiological state impacts our relationships with other people What coregulation is and how it influences our interactions Why the physiological state we are in can bias our decision-making The important difference between being welcomed versus experiencing a reaction from another What is happening for people when they shut down and disassociate How gut problems can occur when our nervous system is shut down or in the dorsal response Why trauma-based behavior often results in a state of becoming disembodied The importance of social systems and how they may or may not support our nervous system and functioning The initial stages of romance from a polyvagal perspective The relationship between vulnerability and sitting still with people who have experienced trauma How we can misunderstand the physiological state of someone's facial expression and voice How our interactions and relationships affect our health Two major components of creating a stable, healthy relationship Mentioned The Polyvagal Institute (website) Stephen Porges (website) Pick up Stephen's Book Integrated Listening Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Sherry Gaba, who has a clinical background with addiction and codependency, and we discuss where people get stuck with codependency. We talk about how problematic codependency can be and the loss of self that accompanies an unequal relationship. She talks about codependency often involves an inability to control or abstain from compulsive behavior, why codependency affects females and males equally, and how the combination of narcissists and a codependent person can be particularly problematic. Listen in to learn how trauma plays a role in codependency, why the healing starts with awareness, and how one can start connecting with themself. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist and life coach who helps people cope with codependency, addictions, trauma, and mental health issues. As a leading expert on addiction and recovery, Sherry's TV appearances include: Vh1's Celebrity Rehab, CNN, Inside Edition, the Robert Irvine Show, among others. Sherry is the author of the Amazon best seller Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to Find Everlasting Love and Infinite Recovery which addresses addiction and alcoholism thru the lens of the law of attraction. In this episode, Sherry Gaba and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: What codependency is and what it looks like The addiction aspect of codependency inside relationships The obsessive and compulsive tendencies with codependency How being a people pleaser can lead to codependency A lack of boundaries and saying yes to every request is a sign of codependency How repetition compulsion plays into codependency The dynamic between narcissism and codependency Types of history that can feed into codependency The role shame has to play in relationships Importance of asking yourself 'who am I?' How resentment shows up in codependency Why you should say no and understand your personal and physical boundaries Mentioned Visit Sherry Gaba on the web Wake Up Recovery Codependency Quiz Become a Member of Wake Up Recovery Sherry Gaba, LCSW and Author of Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to find Everlasting Love * and Wake Up Recovery for Codependents Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Melissa Orlov, one of the foremost authorities on how ADHD impacts adult relationships. She gives insight on what problematic dynamics to look for in your relationship when one partner is affected by ADHD, how ADHD affects household responsibilities and the relationship connection. She talks about why the non-ADHD partner takes on more responsibilities in a relationship, how the non-ADHD partner ends up assuming a parenting role in an adult relationship, and her structure for helping people manage their ADHD symptoms. Listen in to learn how to create a more supportive environment for both partners, the importance of accepting and working with ADHD symptoms, and approaching a conversation without anger and blame. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Melissa Orlov is the founder of ADHDmarriage.com, and author of two award-winning books on the impact of ADHD in relationships - The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) and The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD (2014). She is considered one of the foremost authorities on the topic of how ADHD impacts adult relationships. A marriage consultant, Melissa helps ADHD-affected couples from around the world re-balance their relationships and learn to thrive through her seminars, consulting and books. She also teaches marriage counselors and other professionals about effective marriage therapy for couples impacted by ADHD. In this episode, Melissa Orlov and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The different relationships dynamics that couples experience when one partner has ADHD How ADHD symptoms can easily be misinterpreted Chronic resentment be fallout with the non-ADHD partner when dynamics are strained Why ADHD symptomatic behaviors get in the way of being an adult partner The grief, hurt, and anger that results from broken promises of ADHD partner Suggestions on how to manage adult ADHD Why both partners need to participate in managing ADHD How shame can be translated into anger for the ADHD adult Examples of actions both partners can do to co-regulate their relationship Mentioned Visit Melissa Orlov on the web Join Melissa's Couples Seminar Listen in to Episode 51: How to Thrive with ADHD in Your Relationship The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps* (book) by Melissa Orlov The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD* (book) by Melissa Orlov Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Dan Solin who helps us understand our conversations and interactions with others, as well as how to cultivate more happiness and positivity in our relationships. He talks about gaining awareness around what can get activated during a discussion or activity within a relationship, growing your capacity for love, happiness, and fulfillment, and how to encourage your partner to move towards you and to become responsive. Listen in to learn how to take advantage of shifting attack and criticism to more connections and why the more you empower the other person to talk about themselves, the healthier your relationship will be. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Dan Solin is the author of the new book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. He is a New York Times bestselling author of the Smartest series of investing books and The Smartest Sales Book You'll Ever Read. Dan's books have been widely praised by The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Library Journal, Vanguard co-founder John Bogle and many financial columnists, authors and others. In this episode, Dan Solin and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Research-based principles for navigating relationships How our partners understand and translate our words in their mind with their filter How we can reverse-engineer positive relationships Why we need a basic understanding of neuropsychology and science The significance of empowering people to talk about themselves How reverse-engineering a relationship affect hormones in the body Improving poor communication in relationships Why you shouldn't engage in negative behaviors when fighting The importance of sacrificing the spotlight to develop a relationship How to comment and pivot to enhance conversation in your relationship Why switching from telling to asking questions in a conversation is incredibly powerful in a conversation Mentioned Visit Dan Solin on the web Ask: How To Relate To Anyone by Dan Solin* Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Diana Richardson, who talks about the practice of conscience lovemaking. She speaks from the perspective of a heterosexual connection and notes that couples of any gender orientation can adapt these same practices and principles in their love life. She talks about why you shouldn't focus solely on the peak moments while lovemaking, the psychological and physical tension while having sex, and performance pressure. Rather, Diana explains the concept of feeling your body from the inside and connecting with your significant other with attention to the awareness of the subtleties. Listen in to learn how Diana teaches couples to anchor themselves inside their own bodies, why we have lost the capacity to sense our bodies, and why the details of our feelings get lost in the search for bigger, more intense physical and emotional feelings. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Diana Richardson, born in South Africa, is one of today's leading authorities on human sexuality. Author of 8 books, including best selling "Tantric Sex for Men", "The Heart of Tantric Sex" and "Tantric Orgasm for Women". Her interest in the body prompted a personal exploration into the union of sex and meditation - the essence of Tantra. Since 1993, she and her partner host weeklong retreats for couples in tantric lovemaking in Europe. In this episode, Diana Richardson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Why conscience lovemaking supports all couples who make love Differences between conventional lovemaking and conscious lovemaking How to be more present during lovemaking rather than being overly caught up in mental activity, especially about reaching a goal or certain perfomance How using intensity to build up the energy can actually compress sexual intimacy Why women need more warming up before sex The process of anchoring inside your own body Why it's important to re-evaluate and connect with your body How you can extend your love bond for days by not peaking during sex How to have more incredible experiences when you are connected with yourself and your significant other Mentioned Living Love Inner Traditions Love for Couples Tantric Love (book) by Diana Richardson Slow Sex (book) by Diana Richardson Cool Sex: An Essential Young Adult Guide to Loving, Mindful Sex (book) by Diana Richardson Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Tracy Poizner, who talks about the different dynamics between a traditional family and a blended family. Many parents who are divorced and remarried have an expectation that the blended family will work seamlessly. She talks about the common difficulties that couples experience when blending families and becoming a stepparent. She mentioned that when the parent and stepparent have a new child that it can feel like a betrayal. Most times, kids don't have enough security in their relationship with their stepparent that they are OK with a new child coming into the mix. Listen in to learn why the parent and child relationship has to come before the marriage in a blended family, why you need to make different choices for a blended family, and why you need to consider previous household boundaries when creating rules for the new blended family. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Tracy Poizner is a parenting coach and the host of the Essential Stepmom Podcast. She is a biological mom and a stepmom and has been through it all, from long-distance parenting to parental alienation, legal difficulties, mental health issues, loss of contact and full-time custody. Tracy has a special perspective on emotional healing and how to meet our personal needs as stepmoms in the everyday chaos of this challenging lifestyle. In this episode, Tracy Poizner and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The biggest mistake of expecting a blended family to function like a traditional family Why it takes up to seven years for blended families to feel really at home together How dads often misunderstand their spouses role and how they are going to help parent How guilt of divorce can affect how you parent your children Parenting authentically and effectively in spite of your feelings Why children in a blended family can destroy a second marriage The challenges of making different choices in blended families Simple gestures blended families can make to create better bonding between the new family members The importance of respecting previous boundaries in the former household Why kids needs are first in line before spousal need with biological children How stepmoms can feel in competition with the kids for attention Mentioned Essentials Stepmom Join Essential Stepmoms on Facebook Follow Essential Stepmoms on Instagram Tweet with Essential Stepmoms on Twitter Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, relationship coach, and researcher. We talk about how the influence of social media on couples can be damaging to their relationship. Marisa points out how different aspects of using social media can make couples feel disengaged with each other. She talks about how social media usage can increase jealousy in relationships and how individuals turn toward social media to create fulfillment where they feel an emotional void. Marisa talks about the social comparisons that affect relationships and the "unreality" of social media feeds. Listen in to learn why understanding what you value in a relationship is essential to invest in what's most meaningful in life and how you can start a conversation about social media with your partner. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Dr. Marisa T. Cohen is a relationship coach, relationship researcher, and teaches college-level psychology courses. She is the author of From First Kiss to Forever: A Scientific Approach to Love, a book that relates relationship science research to everyday experiences and real relationship issues confronted by couples. She is also the author of Finding Love: The Scientific Take, a Psychology Today blog and Love Lessons, a Long Island Weekly newspaper column. In this episode, Dr. Marisa T. Cohen and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How comparison to other couples on the internet can lead toward shame or inadequacy The influence of social media on couple satisfaction When social media becomes a pain point in a relationship Higher levels of Facebook use are associated with negative relationship outcomes Why you shouldn't apply your reality to a social media feed reality Understanding what you value in your relationship is important for relationship success Why working through arguments and disagreements helps build new understandings and can lead to a stronger relationship and more intimacy Recommendations on how you can have a conversation about social media with your partner Conversation pointers to use when having a constructive conversation Non-verbal communication mismatches that can lead to relationship conflict Why you need to take your ex-partner off your social media feed Mentioned Finding Love: The Scientific Take Love Lessons, a Long Island Weekly Newspaper Column Visit Dr. Cohen on the web Dr. Marisa T. Cohen books: From First Kiss to Forever: A Scientific Approach to Love, a book that relates relationship science research to everyday experiences and real relationship issues confronted by couples Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I discuss the importance of prioritizing safety in relationship. If we do not feel safe, we will have a very difficult time being open and available for connection and intimacy. Dr. Stephen Porges, pioneering researcher and developer of Polyvagal Theory, reminds us that passion without safety leads to conflict and sometime violence, and it is very difficult to sustain long-lasting intimacy if you do not with safe with your significant other. Our nervous systems are always evaluating for danger and threats. If we are mobilizing (trying to deal with a threat) through fight or flight, we are not available for intimacy and closeness. Or if we are immobilized (shut down) to a threat, we will not be receptive or have the capacity for bonding and connection. Therefore, we need to feel safe in relationship, so that our nervous systems can function in the social engagement system, which allows us to be responsive to intimacy and connection. Physiologically, we are always co-regulating with the people around us...picking up on cues of safety and/or threats. In relationship, we have the opportunity to reciprocally engage with one another to help regulate, balance and comfort one another. In relationship, it is common to get off track, but it is essential to know how to get back on track. Listen to the episode to learn more. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How romance and long-lasting intimacy require safety. Passion without safety often results in conflict and sometimes violence. The importance of safety can be confusing when we have known trauma, chaos, loss and pain within relationship and/or early childhood experiences. More effort and time will not resolve problematic dynamics. We need to create safety first, so that our nervous systems can be available for connection and closeness. The three neural circuits in our nervous system. What co-regulation is and how we benefit from it. Ideally, we want to have reciprocal, safe, engaged interactions with the people closest to us. In relationship, we have the opportunity to help regulate and balance each other, which leads to more stability overall. Recognizing the cues we send and receive in relationship that signal safety, connection. Through our vocal prosody, facial expressions (eyes, forehead, mouth), breathing and touch, we can convey affection, comfort, reassurance and safety. When planning a date, it can be helpful to incorporate restorative activities that help provide more safety, which in turn supports the nervous system to enter into the social engagement system, so that we can be more open and available for connection and intimacy. Mentioned Dr, Stephen Porges (website) The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe (book)* Restorative Practices of Wellbeing: A Compendium of Restorative Practices (book)* Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide ERP 036: HOW TO OFFER THE GIFT OF LISTENING (podcast) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Susan Anderson as we discuss primal abandonment and what brought Susan to this topic. Learn why abandonment is a cumulative wound that can be triggered well into adulthood. She talks about the process of shattering and why this is a primal fear that lurks in our minds, and why it's normal to have abandonment fear from the time of birth. We start with this conditioning at birth with primal abandonment, the universal feeling of disconnect or not being worthy of connection. Susan talks about the different types of abandonment and which life events can trigger or cause the feeling of primal abandonment within ourselves. She also speaks about how abandonment patterns can show up in choosing a partner who is emotionally and physically unavailable in adulthood. Listen in to learn why people are motivated to feel connected, the spectrum of abandonment, and why people who experience childhood abandonment will experience a more challenging time when a relationship dissolves. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Susan Anderson has devoted more than 30 years of clinical experience and groundbreaking research in working with victims of abandonment trauma. Founder of the Abandonment Recovery movement, she is the author of four books including Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Taming Your Outer Child, Black Swan: Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery and The Abandonment Recovery Workbook. In this episode, Susan Anderson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How her husband leaving after an 18-year relationship brought her to specialize in abandonment issues Why abandonment is the primal issue that we share as humans Separation anxiety as a normalized emotional feeling The positive side effects of abandonment The human spectrum of emotional abandonment Coping with childhood abandonment as an adult How abandonment triggers accumulate as a larger emotional wound The unconscious feeling of primal shame that comes with abandonment What the process of abandonment recovery looks like How you get to become the parent you never had growing up Mentioned Abandonment Outer Child Susan Anderso's books: The Abandonment Recovery Workbook* Journey from Abandonment to Healing* Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment* Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery* Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Ian Kerner. We discuss the effects of pornography on sexual health, why Ian became depressed about his personal sexuality, and how his sexual anxieties impacted his early relationships. He talks about his own battles with erectile unpredictability, how he grew up in a sex-invasive environment, and why he suffered from chronic early ejaculation as a young man. Ian talks about the importance of working with a sex therapist when a couple is challenged with sexual concerns. It can be extremely helpful in understanding sexual research and science to offer validation and direction. Listen in to learn how critical it is to have a safe space to explore vulnerable emotions and all that is involved within our experience sexually (i.e. physically, emotionally, culturally, socially, mentally, etc). (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Ian Kerner is a nationally-recognized sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author of numerous books, including, She Comes First, which has been translated into more than a dozen languages. Ian is regularly quoted as an expert in various media, with recent features in The Atlantic, the Economist and NPR amongst others and he contributes regularly on the topic of sex for CNN. He teaches and supervises at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in NYC. His new book will be published by Grand Central Publishing later this year. In this episode, Ian Kerner and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How anxiety can greatly influence our experience around sex Where couples commonly have issues around sex The psychological component of erectile unpredictability Differences in sexual issues based on gender Why women experience an orgasm gap The shame associated with the topic of sex Negative effects of an idiosyncratic masturbatory style How people can exile their sexuality in a relationship Why the essence of sex is also about being turned off as well as turned on Mentioned Ian Kerner (website) She Comes First (book) Connect with Ian Kerner Join Ian Kerner on the web Pick up a copy of She Comes First Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Helen Mia Harris, and we discuss the love addiction phenomenon. This complex and pervasive problem can lead to an overwhelming love withdrawal experience, lovesickness, depression, and anxiety. She talks about her experience with love addiction, why love addiction is based on personal trauma, and why she has dedicated her life to helping others who experience this phenomenon. Helen explains that the person who has the anxious attachment issue often has a propensity towards love addiction. She also talks about the difference between the need for love for a love addict in a relationship and the desire for infatuation. Listen in to learn why people use an external source to validate themselves as individuals, how a love addict finds a need to survive within the relationship, and the signs of love addiction. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Helen Mia Harris is the creator of the Love Addiction, Codependency, and Heartbreak Recovery Programme. Several years ago, Helen experienced first-hand this affliction of the heart, when we love too much and experienced the grief-like symptoms of unrequited love, loss, and emotional trauma which inspired her to create the programme. Love addiction is a phenomenon that is recognised as a pervasive and complex problem. This can lead to an overwhelming experience of love withdrawal, lovesickness, depression, and anxiety. In this episode, Helen Mia Harris and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How love and drugs are a panacea against emptiness The link between emotional trauma and love addiction The effects of filling a void in your life with a relationship How emotional attachment bonds work when relationship equilibrium is unbalanced Why intermittent attention reinforcement is stronger than other types of reinforcement Crushes or infatuation do not equate to love addiction The signs of love addiction When the pain of the love addict gets activated Limerence as a feature of love addiction Mentioned Loving Too Much (website) Love and Addiction by Stanton Peele Hold Me Tight Workshop (online program) Wuthering Heights a novel by Emily Brontë Connect with Helen Mia Harris Loving Too Much [email protected] Helen Mia Harris Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you!

In today's episode, I'm joined by Lindsey Ellison, and we discuss the ways we cope with trauma and pain. We all have pain points, and it is important to understand the origins of our pain points and why we are addicted to the pain itself. She talks about her personal battle with alcoholism, why she had a breakdown, and how she decided to take the next treatment step. Lindsey speaks about her journey with deep trauma work, her experience with relationship death, and how she previously diminished her pain. Trauma+fear+wounds=addiction is the formula that we are often working with. Lindsey helps us understand how this process plays out in our lives. Our fear and trauma fuel our addictions without even being aware of their presence. Listen in to learn about why it is critical to look closely and deeply at our pain and what it is teaching us about our underlying needs, our inner-child work, and our unresolved trauma. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Lindsey Ellison is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc., a coaching practice dedicated to helping people navigate their divorce or break up. Lindsey also specializes in helping people break free from narcissistic abuse, and is the author of the best selling book, MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist. You can find Lindsey on her popular podcast, Unbreakable You: Breakup Without Being Broken. In this episode, Lindsey and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Why we are addicted to the pain in our relationship How we form habits to deal with the source of our pain The factors of co-dependency and how this affects who you are How Lindsey created her blueprint of pain The role of defense mechanisms in adulthood How our trauma feeds into the fear cycle The adult child and how we use habits to maintain our fear and trauma What Lindsey learned around her deeper need for trauma and fear How to manage the pain of your inner child daily Triggers and why we need to avoid them Why we need to give attention to, not judge, our wounds How the little "t's" affect your emotional health over time The process of finding out the "I am nots" and how to overcome these false beliefs and triggers Mentioned: Hold Me Tight the book Hold Me Tight Workshop Connect with Lindsey Ellisen Magic Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist Lindsey Ellisen on the web Magic Words workbook Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today! If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In today's episode, I'm joined by Michael McPherson as we chat about how to develop sexual energy and sexual intimacy beyond the typical immature and limited notions we live within. Michael talked about how common it is for people to grow up in environments where sex and conversations about sex are taboo. He addressed how much shame people typically feel around sex and their sexual energy, as well as how misinformed people are based on the distorted images they get from various forms of media. Michael's mission is to help people expand their understanding about sexual energy and sexual intimacy as well as increasing their comfortability in talking about their sexuality. Michael talked about his healing journey with the use of plant medicine, Ayahuasca ceremony, and the love and connection with his beloved. He shares some of his practices and principles with us that have contributed to his integration and transformation. Listen in to find out how sexual energy can be used for activities other than sex, why our sexuality is mixed in with all our life experiences, how men can hide behind their sexuality, and how he took responsibility for his past actions and somatically healed. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Michael McPherson is the author of Everything You Never Learned About Sex: Take Back Your Masculine Power & Use Your Sex Energy For Good, co-founder of KAKAO Ceremonial Drinking Chocolate, a non-profit devoted to saving native stains of cacao and making ceremonial-grade cacao available to the Western world, and co-founder of KAPU, a community app for light workers to share their heart-centered gifts, services, and wisdom in a safe and sacred space. In this episode, Michael and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How pornography impacts our ideas about sex and can warp our perspective on sexual intimacy Why men can get away with hiding behind their sexuality in society How males cover their emotional wounds and hurt with sex Infatuation and the thrill of the chase is a large percent of our relational experience How plant medicine and ceremonies can support healing from emotional turmoil and pain The difference between sex energy and sexuality How sexual energy is amplified in couplehood and how to work with intention setting together How to use sexual energy to open your heart The process by which we can start to identify sexual energy in our body How to deepen your own intimacy with your beloved through your individual practice Mentioned: Everything You Never Learned About Sex: Take Back Your Masculine Power & Use Your Sex Energy For Good (book) By Michael McPherson KAKAO Ceremonial Drinking Chocolate (website) ERP 071: How To Use Sexual Energy To Improve Your Health & Relationship - With Sarina Stone - Jessica Higgins ERP 246: How to Deepen Your Connection Through the Power of Ritual - An Interview with William Ayot Connect with Michael McPherson https://www.michaelmcpherson.co/ Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today! If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In today's episode, we will take a look at negotiating with your significant other when you have a conflict. My interview with Juliet Grayson will delve into how she works with couples to navigate intimacy and find a win-win relationship. She started her journey as a young child in therapy with the UK NLP Therapy Association Chair. Juliet was intrigued by the association and decided to sign up for a course. She decided to take the entire course six times to embody thinking, which changed her perspective and life. Having experienced couples therapy with her husband, she decided to venture into the couples therapy treatment realm. Now trained as a couples therapist, she had her first couples client and quickly realized that this vertical wasn't the same as individual therapy. At this point, she decided to take on a two-year training divided into a year training on sex and the other year on relationships. Juliet currently works primarily with couples who are experiencing sexual problems. Juliet and I talk about the importance of taking a break in a conversation when one partner is triggered and why having the ability to step away from an argument that is getting heated is a positive action to take to move your relationship forward. Listen in to find out why every communication is a negotiation, what couples need to do to have the ability to negotiate, the distinction between first and second position with NLP, and the most useful model for couples to move through negotiation. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Juliet Grayson is a UKCP Reg psychosexual therapist working in the UK. She & her team run a six modular course, now online, on "How to Work With Couples for Therapists Who Usually Work One to One". She also runs online personal development groups using the Pesso Boyden System of Psychotherapy. Her book, "Landscapes of the Heart: The working world of a sex and relationship therapist" gives a 'fly on the wall' perspective on couples therapy. In this episode, Juliett and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How couples are not good negotiators Prerequisites to starting the negotiating process in a couples relationship The importance of knowing what you want for yourself Why it's important for a couple to brainstorm to solve a problem How to separate the problem from the people The types of concessions a partner can offer inside a relationship How second position is different from first position Why it's important to understand the other's motivation for their actions Elements necessary to have the ability to speak from each position in negotiation. The importance of negotiating with generosity and positivity towards your partner How a partner can get "unstuck" in winning at the expense of the relationship Mentioned: Landscapes of the Heart: The working world of a sex and relationship therapist (book) Landscape of the Heart (website) Couples Therapy and Counseling (website) Interview with William Ayot, Deepening Your Connection Through the Power of Ritual (podcast) Connect with Juliet Grayson To join her emailing list https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/sign-up-for-info/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Juliett.grayson.9/ www.sexuallyinappropriatebehaviour.org Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today! If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

With modern day life, it is easy to get wrapped up in outside distractions and at times even turn towards these distractions as a way to avoid discomfort and pain. However, in the process of turning towards outside distractions (i.e. news, entertainment, phones, social media, etc), we are turning AWAY from our partner. Research helps us understand that how responsive partners are to each other is one of the biggest predictors of lasting relationship. Couples who turn towards each other have increased levels of trust, relationship satisfaction, passion and lovemaking. During this holiday season, and on the tail end of such a stressful year of 2020, what if you put your efforts into one of the most potent and powerful ways of creating connection by increasing the amount of times you turn towards your partner? (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: What does "turning towards" your partner mean? How small interactions between partners often leads to the overall sentiment of the relationship (either positive or negative). The responsiveness rate of happy couples versus responsiveness rate of unhappy couples. The difference between simple "bids" and complex "bids." How "turning away" creates disconnect and disengagement and how "turning against" creates conflict, as well as possibility for engagement and repair. The damage of dismissing bids and the negative outcomes on relationship. How to increase the rate of responsiveness with our significant other Examples of specific ways of responding to our partner's bids and turning towards them. Check out this free guide to get 25 examples of turning towards your partner: 25 Days to Strengthening Your Love Through Kindness Check out this article to see Dr. John Gottman's list of minor bids for emotional connection (scroll to see the blue graphic). Mentioned: FREE guide: 25 Days to Strengthening Your Love Through Kindness ERP 125: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love (podcast) ERP 128: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Two (podcast) ERP 129: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Three (podcast) ERP 130: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Four (podcast) ERP 131: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Five (podcast) The Gottman Institute (website) Dr. Susan Johnson (website) Turn Towards Instead Of Away, By Zach Brittle LMHC (article) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today! If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

William Ayot has worked in personal development and organizational settings, using poetry and the arts to teach worldwide. He speaks about his emotional state at the age of 30, being clinically depressed, not finding any joy in relationships, and he then "fell into a hole." William was able to climb out of his hole by doing ritual work and discovering the world of personal development. Working with groups of Shamans who used rituals in a very particular way. "I was fascinated, and this began to help me in my personal process." After completing a ritual for the atonement of the feminine, William met a woman whom he fell in love with and is still in a relationship with to this day, over two decades later. He then realized that ritual work was also applicable to people in relationships. From here, he found himself working for individuals and groups, teaching them the process and value of ritual. When working with couples, William will design and create a ritual for the couple to practice. This helps to know people's spirituality, what they need when interfacing with each other, and the sacred world. He strives to meet people where they are most present and connected in their lives and the world. At this point, he creates rituals that initiate change. Listen in to find out why rituals are a way of creating an image to send a message to the soul, how rituals are a critical part of our intention-setting and co-creating and why rituals can tie up loose ends with our sense of lack in the current environment. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: William Ayot is an award-winning poet, author, teacher and ritualist. Over three decades, he has worked in personal development and organizational settings, using poetry and the arts to teach around the world. William creates rituals for individuals and groups in his purpose-built ritual garden in Monmouthshire, Wales. He has published four collections of poetry, a prose book on ritual, and is currently writing a book for and about men in a time of epochal change. In this episode, William and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How to co-create rewarding, lasting relationships How rituals can be transformative for both individuals and couples Knowing a person's spirituality before creating or prescribing a ritual for them is important How rituals are a way of creating an image to send a message to the soul "The soul doesn't deal in data or numbers. It deals in pictures and images." William Ayot Why we are cutting off from a deep and profound part of ourselves by disregarding ritual in our life Why we are giving our partner a gift when we use ritual in our lives What William encourages us to do to feel more connected in the world How to conduct rituals safely with the intended best effect The five basic stages of a ritual and the importance of closing the ritual down before leaving Why ritual is as important for men as it is for women "Rituals are a unique way for a human being to give a message to their psyche or their soul." William Ayot Poem, by William Ayot It Turns and Softly Speaks Night after night the empty road, the home-light diminishing then vanishing as you travel out into the world again, hungry for a love that you can never allow. If only you could pause for a moment, look down at your feet and not at the horizon, you might spot the small grey pebble of love lying discarded where you flung it as a child. What was the hurt that made you a loner? How did the wondrous gift become a wound? You're alone. You're still giving but you're giving from an exhausted place. Listen to the call of love: admit, accept, receive. © William Ayot Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Re Enchanting the Forest: Meaningful Ritual in a Secular World Connect with William Ayot Visit William on the web Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today! If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Richard Bolstad has devoted his time to running workshops with his wife Julia and has authored many books on coaching and cooperative relationships. In this episode, we talk about how he became interested in couples therapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and how this type of process can become a "User's Manual for the brain." We not only discuss NLP in detail but give vital examples of the elements of NLP. He speaks about connection cues and why these are more important than conflict cues, and how connection cues turn into bids for a partner's attention. Partners who pick up on this bid for attention connect and build rapport within the relationship. Breathing, body positions, and brain waves start to synchronize between the couple. When one partner ignores the other partner's bid for attention, the relationship can start to break. Couples aren't willing to do the work until they feel like they are heard and seen. This process builds goodwill and reinforces their bond. Unless these components are part of a relationship, it's hard to find a significant bond between two people. Listen in to our conversation about the Japanese cultural art of Aikido is used as a metaphor for building relationships and aligning with someone else, the importance of self-soothing, and how partners can have negative responses toward each other during a conversation. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: A member of the New Zealand Association of Psychotherapists, Richard runs training world-wide, both singly and with his wife, Julia Kurusheva. He is the author of many books on NLP, coaching, and cooperative relationships, published in 10 languages, including Transforming Communication and The Rapport Based Family. Instructors teach his "Transforming Communication" cooperative relationships course in more than 14 languages. Richard also runs training on conflict resolution in war zones and after major disaster events. In this episode, Richard and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How NLP can be used to guide couples relationships Examples of NLP framework in action Why cues and bids for attention are important inside a relationship How to people can build rapport amongst each other The physical effects building rapport causes inside a relationship Engines that drive the verbal and nonverbal responses towards a partner "What people usually call thinking is made up of the things they picture visually inside their head, what they say to themselves and listen to, and what they pay attention to." By Richard Bolstad How to enrich your couples experience by paying attention to your inputs The ability and exercise of how to create an emotional anchor for yourself Differences in sensory systems between two people How to reinforce the bond between you and your partner "Instead of manipulating or doing things to influence someone else, find elements that will co-create a relationship." By Richard Bolstad Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Find a mediator online Dr. Susan Johnson The Gottman Institute Virginia Satir Pick up Richard's The Rapport Based Family ERP 217: How to Deal with Stonewalling in Your Relationship Connect with Richard Bolstad Visit Richard on the web Find out more about Neurolinguistic Programming Richard Bolstad on Linkedin Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Angela shares her stance on what divorce does to a child's development, as well as looking at how a divorce is handled before, during and after can determine how much it impacts a child down the road. She discusses the indicators that childhood divorce has affected someone and how it can manifest. Angela also talks about ways to identify if divorce may be affecting your relationships in adulthood. Listen, as Angela describes what is a "healthy" relationship and how to determine what is real and what isn't when it comes to happiness in your relationships. Angela believes you can break free of past unhappy relationships and move forward with clarity to find what you are looking for. How you see yourself isn't always how others see you, so Angela shares some tips to help you bridge the gap. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Angela Cusimano is a psychologist and personal coach with decades of experience working with kids, families, and trauma survivors. As a way to connect with more people outside of the therapy room, she has started a coaching program for childhood divorce survivors who struggle with self-love, self-sabotage, and difficulties in their partnerships. She has published two books: one for families going through the divorce process and a book for parents who want to safely raise their teens in the digital age. In this episode, Dr. Angela Cusimano and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Angela's stance on what divorce does to children's development. Some indicators that childhood divorce has affected a person, like self-sabotage and relationship sabotage. Learning how to identify that divorce may have affected intimacy and relationships in adulthood. How divorce is handled can influence how much children are impacted down the road. What a "healthy" relationship can look like. Happiness in relationships: what is real and what isn't. Breaking free of a past of unhappy relationships and moving forward with possibility. Tweetables "We all grow up with this idea of normal." Angela Cusimano PhD "The first step is making the connection between the present and the past." Angela Cusimano PhD "The conflict between parents is more psychologically damaging than the divorce itself." Angela Cusimano PhD "Happy couples do fight." Angela Cusimano PhD "There are two sides to your story." Angela Cusimano PhD Mentioned: Crash Course for Divorce: How to Make a Difficult Road Easier to Navigate by Angela Cusimano PhD Raising Teens in the Digital Age: How to Connect, Understand, and Keep Them Safe, by Angela Cusimano PhD Shifting Criticism Into Connected Communication - a free gift for listeners. Connect with Angela Cusimano Visit Angela on the web Facebook: facebook.com/changethetidecoaching Instagram: instagram.com/changethetidecoaching Pinterest: pinterest.com/changethetidecoaching Email Angela Angela's upcoming programs For a free childhood divorce survivor journal Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic, you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Kenneth Cloke talks about how the language we use, the stories we tell, and how we approach our conflicts often have the outcome of making them worse and destroying our relationships. He talks about how to avoid using certain verbiage, so that our partners aren't triggered to counter-attack. Listen in to our conversation where Ken talks about creating a pivot point in your conversation and having a better outcome and solution with the relational conversation that includes both members of a partnership. Kenneth Cloke has devoted much of his career to supporting people in the various negotiation conflict areas and resolving conflict. After a brutal divorce experience and reflection of how he could have handled his personal situation better, Ken was inspired to help others move through their conflict and teach how we can learn and use our own tools to avoid conflict before it starts. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Kenneth Cloke is a mediator, arbitrator, coach, consultant, and trainer, specializing in resolving complex multi-party disputes, including transnational, marital, divorce, family, grievance, workplace disputes, organizational, and public policy, and school conflicts, and designing preventative conflict resolution systems. He has worked in over 25 countries and is the founder and first President of Mediators Beyond Borders. He has published 15 books on conflict resolution, recently The Crossroads of Conflict and Politics, Dialogue, and the Evolution of Democracy. In this episode, Kenneth Cloke and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How to see conflicts differently, as well as how to recognize the source of most of our conflicts. The importance of looking at the language we use, the stories we tell and the approaches we use that either bring resolution or communication break-down. Identifying the specific words that lead to conflict and destructive cycles in relationship. Learn new language and new questions to ask that create understanding, clear communication and productive outcomes in relationship. What are the questions we are asking ourselves in every interaction to gauge how safe we are in the relationship. What makes someone an ally versus a threat in relationship. How vulnerable we are within our intimate relationships, what is at stake and and the risks involved. Learn ways to generate solutions, strengthen relationships and deepen intimacy in communication. Tweetables "I became interested in how to introduce conversations and design them that would help people actually talk through their problems with each other." Kenneth Cloke "Over the course of the past 40 years I've been immersed in working with people to get to places in which they see their conflicts completely differently." Kenneth Cloke "The language we use, the stories we tell and the way we approach our conflicts often has the outcome of making them worse and destroying our relationships." Kenneth Cloke "If you use the word 'you' in connection with something negative, the form of that pronoun is an accusation." Kenneth Cloke "Relationships are at stake in every conversation." Kenneth Cloke Mentioned: The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution by Kenneth Cloke The Dance of Opposites: Explorations in Mediation, Dialogue and Conflict Resolution Systems by Kenneth Cloke Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Find a mediator online Connect with Kenneth Cloke Visit Kenneth on the web Pick up one of Kenneth's relationship books Find out more about Kenneth's trainings he offers Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Suppose you're with an emotionally unavailable partner. In that case, you'll find that you can feel emotionally destabilized at times, that your partner is keeping you at arm's length. You might find that you can't talk deeply about the relationship itself and about what you need and what you want and especially where the two of you as a couple are headed in the future. In this episode, I talk with Ryan Haddon, a certified Life, and Spiritual Coach, Hypnotherapist, and certified Meditation teacher. She and I discuss how a person with narcissistic tendencies can emotionally keep you at bay and what you can do to shift your focus if you find yourself in one of these types of relationships. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: Ryan Haddon is a certified Life and Spiritual Coach, Hypnotherapist, and certified Meditation teacher with over 16 years of experience with clients worldwide. A sought-after public speaker for corporate retreats and wellness events, Ryan does private workshops such as "Stepping Into Your Purpose," "The Work/Life Balance," and "Finding Your Center." Ryan was a keynote speaker for Visionary Women's 2020 virtual event and a featured speaker at CAA's 2020 global wellness event. She's also the in-house Life Coach at Kourtney Kardashian's website Poosh, where she writes mind/body/spirit articles. In this episode, Ryan Haddon and I discuss: Why you feel unsafe in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner. What does emotional unavailability look like in a partner? Reasons why people are emotionally unavailable. Why you feel lonely, unvalidated and rejected with a partner that's emotionally unavailable. The checklist of behaviors that emotionally unavailable people tend to display. Why it can feel like you are doing all the heavy lifting inside your relationship. How to figure out what you can do to break the pattern of dating emotionally unavailable people. Tweetables "If you're in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, you're most likely feeling destabilized at all times." Ryan Haddon "When you enter into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person you'll feel like you're not safe." Ryan Haddon "Knowing that they can't give you more than they are and if you manage to get past go, your relationship might be well underway and you might feel like you're dancing all the time, constantly taking their emotional temperature. Ryan Haddon "Emotional unavailability is a good term to describe when you're with someone who is always setting the terms, withdrawing physically and emotionally when you get too close, probably because they're afraid to be vulnerable." Ryan Haddon "It feels that one sidedness that you are always having to accept that they're not really needing you in that same playing field that you want to be in." Ryan Haddon Mentioned: Get your free guide Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide Listen to the podcast episode How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy - Part Two of the podcast series Connect with Ryan Haddon Visit Ryan on the web Chat with Ryan on Instagram Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Have you sat down to dinner with your partner only to find them on their cell phone most of your time together? Does your significant other consistently bring their computer into the bedroom, and you have a feeling of being dismissed? In this episode, I talk with Dr. Lori about the damaging effects of digital devices on relationships. Whether you are interacting with family, friends, or a partner, spending an excessive amount of time and avoiding others instead of interacting with them one-on-one can cause mistrust, a feeling of neglect, and displace couple intimacy. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio: With over 25 years of experience, Dr. Lori has worked with thousands of clients, both domestic and internationally. Through her countless hours of research, Dr. Lori's commitment to helping businesses, families, and individuals overcome the problems created by device usage. Her book, The Effects of Texting on Marital Relationships, offers a poignant data-packed critique on texting within marriage, including its often negative impact. In addition to working one-on-one with clients, Dr. Lori advises businesses on the operational effects of over-connected employees, managing technology, distractions in the workplace, and driving employee productivity. In this episode, Dr. Lori Whatley and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How device usage can create challenges in relationships. How overuse of technology affects our levels of anxiety, quality of sleep and creates depression. Learn how human contact and in-person interactions affect our mood and brain chemistry. Why it takes up to 25 minutes for us to refocus after a digital distraction. How the amount of digital device usage can cut down on quality family and relationship time. How boundaries and rules can help couples resolve issues with overuse of digital time. How to deal with concerns of device addiction, jealousy and different ways of approaching social media in relationships. Listen in to find out why it's important that we learn to balance our digital devices as a society, the red flags of using too much daily technology, and how digital devices affect our focus. Learn why our attention span is shorter now than ever, how technology can be used as a tool for avoidance in a relationship, and how the overuse of a digital device can create distrust. "Everyday as I was working with couples, digital devices came up in our sessions." by Dr. Lori Whatley "The world needs to know how we are effected relationally and individually by our digital device issues." by Dr. Lori Whatley "The effect of technology is truly like another woman or another man in the relationship." by Dr. Lori Whatley "A "like" on social media is not the same as love in person." by Dr. Lori Whatley "Sometimes people fill their life and their hours up with their social media world and then they have no time left for in-person connection ." by Dr. Lori Whatley Mentioned: Connected and Engaged by Dr. Lori Whatley The Effects of Texting on Marital Relationships By Dr. Lori Whatley Family Assessment on Dr. Lori Whatley's website ERP 011: How Technological Impacts Our Relationship Connect with Dr. Lori Whatley Dr. Whatley on the web Get great information on her blog Check out her new book Connected & Engaged Read The Effects of Texting on the Marital Relationship Visit with Dr. Whatley on Instagram Chat with Dr. Whatley on Facebook Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Chris Seiter, the founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery and Ex Girlfriend Recovery has been helping thousands of broken hearted individuals win their exes back for over a decade. Implementing the very creative "no contact rule," which shuts down communication between exes for a certain period of time such in order to create space for each partner allows for healing, self recovery, and an opportunity for both of you to potentially come back together as a couple, which Chris believes is the key to long lasting success. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Chris Seiter and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How going through a break-up can be fertile ground for self-development and self-discovery. What happens when we do not have closure or time to process insights and understandings. How to use tactical empathy to address other's objections to move through resistance. What to focus on when communicating (and not through text). How to get in the right space emotionally. The importance of giving adequate time, space and distance to reflect. How to keep the end goal in mind and work towards creating a better relationship. "It is not about your ex, it is about you." by Chris Seiter Mentioned: Ex Boyfriend Recovery (website) Ex Girlfriend Recovery (website) Ex Boyfriend Recovery (podcast) Ex Girlfriend Recovery (podcast) Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Connect with Chris Seiter Websites: www.exboyfriendrecovery.com www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com Facebook: facebook.com/OfficialExBoyfriendRecovery/ Youtube: Chris Seiter Podcasts: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/podcasts/ Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Sarrah Rose is the founder of the tantric sex coaching platform Tantric Activation. She developed her coaching techniques by studying tantra, mixing in evolutionary biology, and adapting the method for practical use in the modern world. Sarrah was trained in the tantra method in India. She then earned her certification as a Sex, Love and Relationship Coach from the Tantra Institute of Integrated Sexuality. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Sarrah Rose and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How to use your sexual energy in a conscious way rather than being controlled by it. Becoming more aware of your patterns, shadow work, so that you can be more aligned in your mind, heart and sexuality. How your breath, sound, movement and focus helps you integrate the flow of energy throughout your body. How to deal with challenges, like performance anxiety, fear of rejection, and being shutdown or closed off to sex. How we train our body away from human physical touch when we use vibrators and porn. Why couples stop having sex and what is critical to know about the 3 stages of love. "For thousands of years, women have had to choose whether they were going to be accepted by society or express their sexuality." by Sarrah Rose Mentioned: Tantric Activation Sarrah Rose (website) Helen Fisher (website) Allison Armstrong (website) Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide Connect with Sarrah Rose Website: Tantric Activation Facebook: facebook.com/TantricActivation/ Instagram: instagram.com/tantricactivation/ Twitter: @IAmSarrahRose Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

One of the most difficult tasks in relationships is to maintain our sense of self...to not loose our self in relationship. This can be even more challenging during times of conflict, stress and uncertainty. And especially true when our partner is pressuring us to be something different or when we fear their reaction and ultimately a loss of approval and love. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How important it is to work on becoming differentiated in relationship. The fallout of not maintaining a solid sense of self. What it looks like when couples get stuck in emotional fusion and gridlock. Dr. David Schnarch's Four Points Of Balance: Solid Flexible Self, Quiet Mind - Calm Heart, Grounded Responding, and Meaningful Endurance. How differentiation relates to our passion, sexual desire and sexual intimacy. "A solid sense of self develops from confronting yourself, challenging yourself to do what's right, and earning your own self-respect. It develops from inside you rather than from internalizing what's around you." by Dr. David Schnarch Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide Crucible Institute Dr. David Schnarch (website) Intimacy & Desire, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) Resurrecting Sex, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) Passionate Marriage, by Dr. David Schnarch (book) ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) ERP 234: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part two (podcast) ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part One (podcast) ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part One (podcast) ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part Two (podcast) Dr. Susan Johnson's website Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Karl Staib is the author of Bring Gratitude and the Creator of the 30-Day Bring Gratitude Challenge. He has helped thousands of people train their brains. He developed the Dig to Fly method and SOAR technique to help his clients become more resilient and happier. He also created the Legendary Leader Method to help leaders build better relationships with their employees so they are happier and more productive. He has been featured by Forbes, NPR and Zen Habits and worked with Philips Global, Southwest Research Institute and Pioneer Nation. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Karl Staib and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: How using a gratitude journal can help us: think differently, gain more self-understanding, and be a better person. How building awareness of our patterns and tendencies will give us insight into our growth areas. Emotions can create connection or disconnection in relationship. Karl's Dig To Fly method and the 5 key questions to ask ourselves when we are having a hard time. How to shift from being a negative person into a positive person and not letting letting negative thoughts dictate our actions. "Each day is "what it is" for 99% of it, and it is up to us (our attitude) to adjust to the world around us versus the world adjusting to us." by Karl Staib In solid relationships, partners bond over positive things rather than negative things. Karl's SOAR technique for a daily practice of gratitude and a healthy mindset. "We don't need big wins in life to feel happy. Small daily wins keep our mindsets strong and make it easier to appreciate the big wins." by Karl Staib Mentioned: Bring Gratitude by Karl Staib (book) 30 Day Gratitude Challenge Karl Staib Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide Connect with Karl Staib Website: Bring Gratitude Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Mike McNulty, PhD is a psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy, and the founder of The Chicago Relationship Center, and practices in Evanston and Highland Park, IL. Dr. McNulty is a senior certified Gottman relationship therapist and master trainer for The Gottman Institute, who leads workshops for couples and professionals in the United States, Ireland, and Sri Lanka. He has traveled to Sri Lanka 22 times since the 2004 tsunami to provide training to paraprofessional counselors. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Michael McNulty and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: What is ambiguous loss? How ambiguous loss affects the grieving process and how to address this type of loss. What to do when we have different perspectives and/or a different positions on an issue (i.e. like how to deal with Covid-19). How couples with different perspectives can work together and support each other. When problems become gridlocked and the stress and disconnect that results. What helps us be more flexible and creative, so that we can cope better and be more resilient together. How to build rituals for connection, meaning and significance. "Grief becomes frozen. People do not know what they are grieving, and how to begin to move forward with life." Mentioned: Coping with Uncertainty During COVID-19: An International Gottman Trainer Shares Their Perspective by Dr. Michael McNulty (Article) Ambiguous Loss Dr. Pauline Boss' website Chicago Relationship Center Website The Gottman Institute Website Dr. Susan Johnson Website The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties by William J. Doherty (book) Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl (book) Gottman Card Deck Connect with Dr. Michael McNulty Email: [email protected] Website: Chicago Relationship Center Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Ericka Young founded Tailor-Made Budgets in 2005 after she and her husband Chris climbed out of nearly $100,000 in debt. She is a certified financial coach by Ramsey Solutions and combines her passion for helping people with creative debt reduction techniques so everyone can have a path to financial freedom. Ericka teaches her message of debt freedom through her e-newsletters, personal and group coaching, workshops, best-selling book and speaking engagements. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Ericka Young and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: The different ways people are fairing financially during the pandemic. What each of the three camps are experiencing and what they would benefit from considering moving forward. Learning how to anticipate and evaluate the health of your career industry. Using caution and being prepared as we move through this next phase. How to be aligned with what matters most to you and your significant other. How to weather the storm if you are taking a big hit during this time. How to not loose track of your financial goals as a family, even during the pandemic. Learning to be creative and in control of your personal economy. Mentioned: ERP 207: How To Get Out Of Financial Debt When Working Together As A Couple – An Interview With Ericka Young (podcast) Tailor Made Budgets Website 7 Day Money Challenge Free Video Series (Opt-in) Connect with Ericka Young: Email: [email protected] Website: Tailor Made Budgets Instagram: @tailormadebudgets Facebook: TailorMadeBudgets Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Love presents a great opportunity, and it can also feel like a great risk. Especially, when we have felt hurt in the past. If we are not conscious (and aware), we can mistake the fear we feel as an indication that something is off in the relationship or with our partner. The key is to recognize the fear you feel makes sense (understand it's origins) and learn how to work with the fear, so that you can learn to develop more intimacy with your significant other. In the episode, I reference the book "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love," by Elaine Aron. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How we question our lovability when we have felt hurt in the past. How love and intimacy can be threatening. Fear of loss of control and how to deal with it. Fear of one's "attack and destroy" impulses and what to do about it. Fear of being engulfed and how to take care of yourself. Fear of commitment and what to consider. Fear of disliking the other for subtle annoyances and how to negotiate this with your partner. "Love feels whole, energizing and integrating all parts of us. But wholeness would also mean integrating any repressed, split-off anger and destructiveness." by Elaine Aaron Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part One (podcast) The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, by Elaine Aaron The Most Dangerous Stories We Make Up, by Brené Brown ERP 018: How To Deal With Feelings Of Anger In Relationship (podcast) ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part One (podcast) ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part Two (podcast) Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) ERP 093: HOW THE "SHADOW" INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast) ERP 217: HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks (book) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

While we want to experience love and intimacy, it can often bring fears to the surface. The fears often have ties to previous pain and are subconscious or unconscious until we enter into a love relationship. In the episode, I reference the book "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love," by Elaine Aron. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How fears of intimacy develop in one's life. Ways people distance themselves emotionally as a result of a fear of intimacy. How love and intimacy can be threatening. Fear of exposure and rejection and how to deal with it. Fear of angry attacks and what to do about it. Fear of abandonment and how to take care of yourself. "To me intimacy means being authentic, revealing to another your most private and true-in-this-moment self - thoughts, feelings, bodily self." by Elaine Aaron Mentioned: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, by Elaine Aaron ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) ERP 221: HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND WORK WITH SELF-SABOTAGE IN RELATIONSHIP AN INTERVIEW WITH BRIANNA WIEST (podcast) ERP 093: HOW THE "SHADOW" INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast) ERP 217: HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks (book) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Melissa Costello is a Transformational Eating Coach, Holistic Nutritionist, Speaker and Author. Her mission is to empower busy professionals to get off the yo-yo dieting rollercoaster and end emotional eating so they can lose the weight that is holding them back from living a life they truly love. Melissa's in-depth training in Spiritual Psychology, Clinical Nutrition and holistic coaching along with her own personal struggles provides the foundation for her clients to experience powerful breakthroughs and sustainable, profound transformation. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Melissa Costello and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Looking at our relationship to food and how we use food for more than just it's nutritional value. How to know if you struggle with food or have issues around food. The stress of emotional eating and/or viewing our body's in a negative way. How to tune out all the noise that keeps us confused and conflicted about how to eat and what to eat. The challenges couples face together around food and eating. How to turn towards your body's wisdom and intelligence. Gaining clarity and confidence in making decisions for the health of OUR bodies. "What was one negative thing someone said to you about your body, where you made a decision about yourself?" — Melissa Costello Mentioned: Smash The Wellness Industry NYT article Killing Us Softly Wikipedia Connect with Melissa Costello: Email: [email protected] Website: Karma Chow Instagram: @karmachow Facebook: KarmaChow Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Stacie Ysidro is the founder of Holistic Progressions and is acknowledged by the World Association of Sex Coaches. Starting her career with business and life coaching in 2009, Stacie combined sexology education, somatic coaching and spirituality to create a unique transformational experience for her clients. Over the 10+ years of service in her industry, Stacie has helped thousands of clients create a sexually satisfying life in recovery, overcome sexual guilt and shame, learn the language of arousal and pleasure, and reignite passion in their relationships. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Stacie and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Our unconscious tendencies in how we show up in sexual intimacy. Dealing with shame and old programming around our sexual expression. How our traumas, big and small, influence our experience and our ability to prioritize pleasure. The importance of redefining our sexual value system. Three tips to improve your own sexual energy. How to let the walls of protection down to allow for more vulnerability, safety and connection. The need to feel loved and accepted for who we are truly. Understanding that as your relationship changes your sex life will too, examine what your needs and wants are, and why. Explore and examine what is important to you, what you love about yourself, and what you love about your partner. "The journey to full sexual self-expression and sexual self-acceptance is the deepest most powerful way that you can step into personal growth and development." — Stacie Ysidro Mentioned: Erotic Blueprint Community ERP 071: How To Use Sexual EnergyTo Improve Your Health & Relationship – With Sarina Stone ERP 211: How To Get Rid Of Shame To Increase Pleasure In The Bedroom – With Ian Ferguson Connect with Stacie Ysidro: Email: [email protected] Website: Holistic Progressions Instagram: @sexcoach_stacie Facebook: Sober Intimacy Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Bio: Dr. Gleb Tsipursky is an internationally-recognized thought leader known as the Disaster Avoidance Expert, who is on a mission to protect leaders from dangerous judgment errors known as cognitive biases, which devastate bottom lines and bring down high-flying careers. His expertise and passion is developing the most effective and profitable decision-making strategies to empower leaders to avoid business disasters, maximize their bottom lines, and help their careers flourish. His proprietary methodology combines his pragmatic business experience with cutting-edge behavioral economics and cognitive neuroscience research. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Gleb Tsipursky and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss: Tribal brain systems: the flight, fight, or freeze environment Cognitive biases, training ourselves to notice when we are making judgment errors. Transparency in communication and misperception in communication. Emotions and their impact on our decision-making skills. Transparency and mission bias in our communication with others. The bias blind spot as it relates to cognitive bias. External perspective to eliminate bias, pessimistic vs optimistic perspectives and the related cognitive biases. "Everyone has cognitive biases just due to who we are." — Gleb Tsipursky Mentioned: The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconcious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships by Gleb Tsipursky Connect with Gleb Tsipursky: Website: disasteravoidanceexperts.com LinkedIn: Dr. Gleb Tsipursky Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Recently, I have been recommending the book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love" by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams. Since the last two podcast episodes have been referring to the importance of connecting and dating in relationship, I thought it would be valuable to share this book with you. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: How being curious and interested in and with your partner will support a lifetime of learning, intimacy and vitality with your partner. The importance of seeing love as a practice. What threatens commitment and trust in relationship and how to built trust together. How conflict is inevitable in every relationship, and understanding the real goal of conflict. Learning the difference between solvable problems and perpetual problems. What helps partners create a great sex life together. Understanding the essential role of play and adventure in your relationship, so that you can keep things fresh and exciting. "Vulnerability creates trust, and trust is the oxygen your relationship needs to breathe." by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams. Mentioned: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love ERP 227: How To Date Your Significant Other - An Interview with Dr. Bill Harley ERP 228: How To See Relationship As A Spiritual Teacher - An Interview With Allana Pratt Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: [email protected] If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.