UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

As we wrap up this three-part series on goals, I’m going to talk about something that we typically don’t do when it comes to goals — analyzing what went wrong. Learn how to handle when life gets in the way of your goals, how to plan for the unexpected, and why analyzing what went wrong is key to your success.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/327

Ever notice how when you “mess up” with your goal, even just a little, it becomes so easy to stay off track? In part two of this three-part series about falling off the wagon with our goals, learn what the biggest cause of goal derailment is, what you can do to get back on track, and how you can learn to diagnose exactly what went wrong with your goal in my Get Back on the Wagon Challenge.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/326

In part one of this three-part series about falling off the wagon with our goals, I discuss why we fall off the wagon, how your current reaction to falling off the wagon is actually based on your misunderstanding of why it happens, and the one very important thing that most people get wrong about goals.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/325

I am so excited to share this news with you. My work and my business are evolving and it’s time to make some changes. Tune in to learn about the evolution of my business thus far, find out the secret that I’ve been keeping for SO long, see where things are headed for the future, and learn how you can become a founding member of the next phase in this life-changing work.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/324

I’m joined by Damona Hoffman, certified dating coach and author of F the Fairy Tale as we discuss unpacking the myths and socialization we’ve internalized about dating and relationships. Listen in as we talk about how you can use the skills that have made you successful in other areas of your life and apply them to dating, how to experience the joy of dating, and the key to designing the type of relationships you actually want.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/323

Many of us really enjoy the planning stage of New Year’s resolutions — the stage where you’re buying new gym outfits or color-coordinating all of the time you’re setting aside on your calendar to write your book. But are you really planning for success? Or are you just enjoying the fantasy? In this episode, I’m going to teach you the biggest mistake people make in planning a resolution and how to actually plan so you can succeed.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/322

In this bonus episode, I’m joined by Vivian Tu, former Wall Street trader and author of Rich AF. We discuss the financial socialization and stigma women are faced with including the belief that women aren’t good with money and the idea that having money makes you a “bad” person. Learn what being rich really means (hint: it doesn’t mean having dozens of designer purses and handbags) and learn some practical tips for how you can get started on your financial journey to being Rich AF. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/personal-finance-vivian-tu

Now that you know the importance of resolutions, you may be wondering how you should actually go about choosing one. In this episode, I’ll teach you how to choose a resolution based on a positive motivator: your values. Listen in to find out why setting resolutions using shame as a motivator never works, how to set goals by aligning an area of your life with your chosen values, and how having a positive value-driven motivator for your resolutions can make all the difference.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/321

Resolutions have started to get a bad rap. And it is reasonable to be skeptical about resolutions — they can be self-critical, perfectionist fantasies of disillusionment. But goals are important, necessary even. Listen in as I explain why your brain gets comfortable staying in uncomfortable situations, why the New Year is a good time to set goals, and how goals can help you get to the life you dream of.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/320

Most of us have heard of the seven deadly sins, but don’t really know what they are, where they come from, or how they play into how women are expected to behave in our society. In this episode, I’m joined by Elise Loehnen, author of the New York Times best-seller, On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good. Tune in as we discuss the seven deadly sins and their origins (including the eighth sin that was eliminated), cultural programming and the effect it has on our lives, what exactly the patriarchy is and how it came to be, and why envy can be a sign of what you truly want. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/319

Let’s talk about anxiety. Specifically, socially-programmed anxiety. This is a type of anxiety that women, and people socialized as women, feel that comes from trying to live up to the impossible expectations of our society. We’re told we need to look a certain way, behave a certain way, and go about our lives making sure everyone else is happy. Trying to live up to these standards causes immense anxiety. And traditional anxiety-reducing methods like yoga and spa days don’t help.To get on the waitlist for the next round, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784, code word “anxiety” or visit https://unfuckyourbrain.com/anxiety.

We’re getting to that time of year where we start slowing down to reflect on the previous year and start looking forward to the next one. And this is one of the most important episodes for planning, setting goals, and trying to change your life. In this episode, learn what an impossible goal is and how to set one in a way that serves you, understand how perfectionism warps our thinking and how that warped thinking is contributing to the way we think about goals, and how to differentiate between an impossible goal and a perfectionist fantasy.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/318

“When are you going to have kids?” is a question that many women are asked in their lives, sometimes by complete strangers. It’s just assumed that all women should want to have children. This week, Emmalee Bierly and Jennifer Chaiken, licensed marriage and family therapists and hosts of the ShrinkChicks podcast join me as we dig into the anxiety around having, or not having, children (whether by choice or not). Tune in to find out why you shouldn’t base your decision to have kids or not on not wanting to feel regret, how to navigate relationships with people who don’t have the same lifestyle choices as you, and tuning out the socialization we’ve absorbed around having children.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/317

To be able to create the outcomes that we want in our lives, sometimes we have to tone down the drama in our brains. But we often don’t have much perspective on whether or not we’re being dramatic, because as women and people socialized as women, we’re taught that simply having feelings is dramatic. Join me this week as I explain what I mean by “being dramatic,” how the facts of a situation may not be as dramatic as you make them out to be, why I think being dramatic can be harmful, and the beauty of learning that your thoughts cause your feelings, actions, and outcomes in your life.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/316

Join me this week for a special bonus episode with hosts of the Girls Gotta Eat podcast, Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine! Tune in as we discuss the intricacies of sex, dating, and relationships, breaking free from societal norms, celebrating the unfiltered truth about women's lives, and even their premium sex toy business. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/girls-gotta-eat

Rae McDaniel, gender and sex therapist and author of Gender Magic, joins me on the podcast this week to talk about the role of gender in a world where we all desire to walk around as our most authentic selves. ​​Even if we don’t have questions about our gender identity, we may question how we’ve been socialized in our genders or how to support others who have questions about their identity. Listen in as we discuss how a positive vision for your future can make it easier to handle challenges you encounter on your journey, gender freedom and what it means, and how exploring what you like is integral to knowing who you are.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/315

Thought work is not frivolous. It’s absolutely necessary, powerful work. The deepest power of thought work is helping us stay centered and grounded when challenging things are happening. Listen to learn the difference between clean and dirty pain, how to not be paralyzed in challenging situations, and how you can reduce and release suffering.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/314

Working hard has gotten a bad rep lately. When you’re creating something you’re passionate about, it’s unrealistic to think that it won’t be hard work. But there’s a difference between running yourself ragged because you’re trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or you think that’s the only way you’ll be successful, and working really hard on something you’re trying to bring into fruition. I’m joined by Oat Haus founder and CEO, Ali Bonar, as we discuss what entrepreneurship really looks like, why the journey and not just the destination has to be worthwhile, why “working too hard” is just another thing for women to police themselves about, and why no matter what your career is it’s ok to work hard.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/313

Dr. Adrienne Mann and Dr. Tyra Fainstad conducted a study of over 1,000 women resident and fellow physicians, enrolling about half of them in a group coaching program, while the other half didn’t receive any coaching. The results were astounding — their research found that coaching drastically improves burnout, imposter syndrome, and self-compassion (among other things). They join me on the podcast this week as we discuss their study, learn why residents were the ideal group to do this research on, define moral injury as it relates to our careers, and learn why group coaching might be right for you.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/312

Let’s talk about anxiety. Specifically, socially-programmed anxiety. This is a type of anxiety that women, and people socialized as women, feel that comes from trying to live up to the impossible expectations of our society. We’re told we need to look a certain way, behave a certain way, and go about our lives making sure everyone else is happy. Trying to live up to these standards causes immense anxiety. And traditional anxiety-reducing methods like yoga and spa days don’t help.To get on the waitlist, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784, code word “anxiety” or visit https://unfuckyourbrain.com/anxiety.

We assume that clutter is inherently bad or a problem. And for many, lack of organization and clutter leads to anxiety, overwhelm, and stress. On top of that, we're absorbing socialization around the expectation to keep a perfectly tidy and organized home. Join me and values-based organizing expert, author, and coach Shira Gill as we discuss the perfectionist fantasy of organization, the mental or emotional blocks that may come up when you’re trying to get organized, how your disorganization may be caused by your thoughts, and how you can coach yourself into a more organized life.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/311

No matter how long you’ve been coaching yourself, it’s normal to have blocks and challenges come up. If you’ve been self-coaching and just not seeing the results you want, there are a few specific reasons that may be holding you back. Tune in as I share with you the six primary blocks to self-coaching and find out why we really have to see circumstances as neutral, why we need to dig deep in our thought work practice, what role shame plays in thought work, and why insight alone isn’t going to change your brain.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/310

Discover the power of coaching and therapy through a feminist lens on this week's podcast episode. Tune in as we explore how understanding the impact of socialization on women's brains can transform coaching and therapy and hear from Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching alumni Jen Fadden, Osaru Anyumba, Nicolassa Galvez, and Rachelle Siebke, as they talk about how ACFC has empowered them in their work and solidified their self-identity, the need to question established norms, how feminist coaching is also beneficial for men, and more.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/309

We all feel fear in our lives for all sorts of different reasons. Some fear can be useful and some fear can be unproductive. Regardless of whether your fear is useful or unproductive, it’s important to listen to it, not to give into it but to better understand its source. Tune in this week to my conversation with author, personal finance expert and host of the So Money podcast, Farnoosh Torabi, as we discuss the role fear plays as a natural instinct, how you can differentiate between useful and unproductive fear, what role fear plays in financial anxiety, the impact of fear on ambition, embracing a balanced perspective, and more.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/308

As a historically patriarchal institution, marriages of the past benefited the man far more than the woman. A man and woman became one legal entity, but the woman was essentially absorbed by her husband — she couldn’t hold a profession or make legal decisions for herself. She existed for procreation and unpaid labor. So what happens when despite knowing all of the statistics and all of the history, you think you still might want to get married? In part 2 of this series about my engagement, I focus on the decision to get married as it relates to socialization, why we can’t completely desocialize our brains, and why sometimes you just have to live with ambiguity and ambivalence.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/307

Most coaching certification and therapy programs don’t teach how to look at socialization and the way it impacts women’s brains and the way they think about themselves in the world. So I’ve created a brand new, free private podcast called How to Coach Like a Feminist: Adding A Feminist Lens to Coaching or Cognitive-Based Therapy. In this limited series starting September 18, you’ll learn about marketing and selling, the client/coach relationship, how to set your client goals, the feminist coaching lens, and more. If you want to learn how adding a feminist lens to your work can completely change your coaching, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784 and enter the keyword COACH when prompted or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/coach.

We're socialized to believe that the way other people act is about us. Women are socialized to want big romantic gestures from men, which they then equate to how much the man loves them, which equates to how valuable they are as a woman. Newsflash: Other people’s behavior is not actually about you.Tune in this week to find out why our expectations of how we want other people to behave (in all sorts of contexts) are influenced by our behavior, how engagements and the expectations that go along with them are a microcosm of where we’re at in society today, and why elaborate engagements make less sense in today’s society than they did in the past.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/306

This week I’m joined by Executive Coach and Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching grad Jamie Lee as we discuss how to ask for and advocate for what you want in your professional life (and all parts of your life). Tune in to learn about the “outside the performance review network” that’s important to getting ahead, the 3-step framework for advocating for whatever it is you want in your professional life, and how to interrupt the unintentional thought patterns that are holding you back.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/305

The things you do and the choices you make —the direction in which your “life GPS” is set — determine the outcomes in your life. So if there’s an area in your life where you aren’t happy with the outcomes you’ve been getting or you feel bad about them, you may need to check what your GPS is set to. Tune in to this week’s podcast to learn how to make sure your GPS is set to a destination that you can actually reach, why your destination doesn’t have to be a concrete goal, and what you’ll need to do to reach your destination. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/304

Nearly all of us will experience a breakup at some point in our lives (if we haven’t already). No matter how or why the relationship ends, it’s what we choose to do once that relationship is over, that really matters. This week on the podcast, fellow coach Ali Ryan is joining me to talk about using thought work to navigate breakups, divorce, and separation. We’ll discuss how breakups can be a tool for transformation, why the relationship with yourself may be the most important when you’re going through a breakup, and what you gain from being willing to have a happy ending, even though the relationship is over.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/303

Vacations. Most of us can’t wait to get away and just chill out. You might imagine yourself in a gorgeous location, eating delicious food, seeing beautiful sights, lounging by the pool or at the beach, feeling rested and happy. Or maybe you find yourself dreading it because you’re already counting the things that are sure to go wrong. So, how can you prepare for the disappointment that may come with a perfectionist fantasy like scenario one? And how can you avoid letting difficult or frustrating circumstances, like scenario two, ruin your entire trip? Tune in this week to find out how you can enjoy your vacation no matter what happens.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/302

Every one of us has received social messages not only about how we should spend our time, but also what kind of morality is attached to how we spend it. Women have an added layer of time socialization on top of this, because we’re socialized to believe that we exist for the purpose of doing things for others. It’s no wonder many women in today’s world feel like they never have enough time.This week I’m having a conversation about women and time with the host of the Feminist Time, Productivity, & Rest podcast, Vikki Louise. We discuss why waking up one hour early isn’t going to solve your time problems, how the existing time structure was not created with women in mind, and how your thoughts can be the biggest time suck.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/301

There’s too much goodness inside the Clutch to contain it to just one episode, so here comes Part Two! Here’s your chance to get a look inside my feminist monthly coaching program. In Part Two of this episode, I’ll share about the power of coaching – especially one-on-one coaching – and you’ll find out why it’s ok to need support, how you can regulate your nervous system when your anxiety is high, and how you can join the amazing Clutch community.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/300.5

Whether you’re a new listener and unsure what the Clutch even is or you’re a long-time listener who’s always been curious about the Clutch, here’s your chance to get a look inside my feminist monthly coaching program. In Part One of this episode, I’ll share what led me to become a life coach, the Clutch Community Manager will tell you about all the goodness inside the member’s only Clutch site, and our Clutch Coaches will break down some of their favorite resources that are included in the Clutch. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/300

This week I’m joined by EbonyJanice, author of All the Black Girls are Activists. Tune in as we discuss how to reclaim authority over your own life, how doing the work to show up as your true self is a political act, why wellness culture and the idea of a “soft life” can be misleading, why your inner guard dog may sound different than you think, and more.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/299

As women and people socialized as women, we’re often making decisions from an emotional place, deciding what to do based on whether doing it or not is going to make us feel worse, aka ashamed or guilty — two emotional states that we’ve been taught to avoid. Tune in to find out why guilt and shame are not moral truths of the universe (and what they actually are), and how deciding what to think and feel on purpose will help you lead a life that’s aligned with your values.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/298

Oftentimes the thoughts we think aren’t what’s most important; it’s our reaction to them that really matters. This week I’ll discuss why the way you react to your thoughts can be more important than the thoughts themselves, how your reaction may make your emotional experience worse, and how cognitive dissonance between your new thoughts and your old thoughts can actually work in your favor.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/297

Many of us feel stuck when we experience the discomfort of anxiety. But ironically, it’s not the anxiety itself that keeps us stuck, it’s what we do when we’re anxious that keeps us in the cycle of anxiety and inaction — aka psychological avoidance. This week on the podcast we’re digging deep into the brain with Dr. Luana Marques, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of Bold Move. We’ll discuss the three skills you can use to move through psychological avoidance, why aligning with our values can be difficult for women because of the way we were socialized, and how to know if you’re thinking clearly or if your brain has been hijacked by your amygdala.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/296

The way you think about how you were raised, especially if there were certain things you didn’t like about your caregivers’ behavior, can have a big impact on you in adulthood — whether you’re a parent or not. This week on the podcast I discuss the unintended consequences of basing your self-worth as a parent on being different than your parents were, how demonizing characteristics of your caregivers inevitably leads you to demonizing parts of yourself, and what the underlying solution is to these problems.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/295

Things are going to get a little hot and steamy this week as I talk sex with Dr. Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily podcast. We discuss why many women are not having the pleasurable fulfilling sex lives they want to. Listen in to find out what a sex IQ is, why sex should be part of your overall wellness plan, and how getting to know yourself can lead to better sex.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/294

Tune in to this episode as I answer some questions about boundaries, breakups, and relationships. You’ll find out how you might be thinking about boundaries the wrong way, why enjoying your own company has nothing to do with wanting to be in a relationship, and why you can’t rush through the emotional process after a breakup.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/293

Now that we know how and why we criticize others (and ourselves), what can we do to stop being so critical (if we decide we want to)? In this podcast episode, I’ll teach you some thoughts you can use to work through being critical, how to check in with your motivation behind your critique, how to redirect your thoughts about a specific person or thing, and general techniques you can use to stop being so critical.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/292

Being critical of other people is something that many of us do so often that we may not even realize we’re doing it. And not only do we criticize others, we often (maybe even constantly) criticize ourselves. But why do we do it? Tune in to find out what criticism is and understand why we do it, the good reasons why your brain may default to being critical, and how criticism has more to do with you than the other person.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/291

Adults are being diagnosed with ADHD more and more these days. And receiving the diagnosis alone is helping many folks make sense of certain behaviors they have that have always been a bit quirky. But for some, a diagnosis of ADHD can also bring up feelings that are difficult to navigate.This week I’m joined by life coach and host of the I Have ADHD podcast, Kristen Carder, for a conversation about thought work and neurodivergent brains. We discuss why ebbing and flowing may be better than consistency, why lack of motivation is not a problem, and how to support yourself or any neurodivergent person in your life.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/290

There is a difference in how I feel about loving my partner and how he feels about loving me. And recently, while trying to work on creating more feelings of bliss for myself in our relationship, I realized that my socialization as a woman was affecting the way that I approached loving my partner. And this socialization doesn’t just affect romantic relationships, it can affect your platonic relationships as well. Tune in to find out the difference between loving someone else and being loved, which feels better, and how you can create more feelings of bliss in all your relationships.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/289

We’ve all experienced loss and grief at some point in our lives. And while we may hear that there’s a set number of steps to go through or a timeline to follow, grief doesn’t really ever end. But, you do get to decide who you want to be after the loss. I’m joined by Krista St-Germain, Master Certified Coach and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast, this week on the podcast as we discuss how the socialization of women in our society affects the way that we grieve, what post-traumatic growth is (and how not to use it against yourself), and how you can get over the grief plateau and learn to be truly happy again.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/288

As humans, logic and reason reassure us that something could or could not work — they help us make sense of what we perceive as possible. But logic and reason can only take us so far. They alone will never be able to convince us to do something we’ve never done before. Where logic and reason run out, that’s the point where we have to decide to take a leap of faith (or not).Tune in to this week’s episode to find out why a leap of faith may be the missing piece for you to create meaningful change in your life, the role tolerating risk plays in making changes, and why feeling anxious about making a change doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad idea.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/287

Today is my birthday! It’s a day I love for all the obvious reasons, but it’s also a time when I love to reflect and take stock of my life and how it’s changed over the past year – and there has certainly been a lot of change in the last year! It didn’t happen all at once. But little bits of change over time have added up to massive shifts.

Is there an alternate version of your life that you fantasized about having, that you didn’t get to experience? When we don’t let ourselves grieve or acknowledge those fantasies that we left behind, it can sometimes cause us to get stuck or be unable to make decisions and move forward in our lives. Tune in to this week’s episode to find out what I mean by grieving a life you won’t live, how to do it, and why feeling regret doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/286

We might call massages, face masks, and shopping sprees self-care, but often they’re really just illusions of self-care. It looks like we’re doing these things to take care of ourselves but we never really address the core issue of what’s causing the stress. True self-care gets to the root of the problem and tackles it head on. And when you truly start taking care of yourself, that’s when you start seeing big changes in your life. This week I’m joined by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin. We discuss what real self-care is, how to be proactive instead of reactive with your self-care, and how true self-care is a revolutionary movement.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/285