UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

Ever find yourself caught in a whirlwind of negative emotions? One moment you're feeling hopelessly sad, and the next, you're steeped in embarrassment or grappling with relentless anxiety. We've all been there! So in today’s episode, I’m going to lift the lid on why this happens and how you can nudge the intensity of these emotions down a notch — making them much more manageable. Tune in this week to start your journey towards feeling better... or at least, less bad. Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/339

In this mini episode, we're taking a sneak peek at Chapter Six of my upcoming book, Take Back Your Brain: How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head... and How to Get it Out. It's a chapter close to my heart, as it dives deep into the fascinating world of perfectionism and validation, revealing why our brains are so hooked on the approval of others and how this cycle impacts our self-esteem. If you've ever found yourself yearning for someone's approval only to question it moments later? This episode is for you. And don't forget to preorder your copy of the book -- and grab some fantastic bonuses in the bargain -- at https://unfuckyourbrain.com/book

Have you ever paused and asked yourself if everything you think is... even actually true? That’s exactly what we're tackling in this week's episode, where we'll discuss whether you can ever objectively prove whether a given thought of yours is fact or fiction -- and whether it even matters. This realization is a stone cold game-changer. Listen in to hear why.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/338

If you've ever found yourself in a silent war with your body, or comparing yourself to everyone around you as soon as you walk into a room -- trust me, you're not the only one. But, here's a thought: what if it's not about changing what's on your plate, but rather rethinking how we consume these pervasive cultural stories that mess with our heads? In today's episode, we're going to chat about a chapter from my book that's all about how our patriarchal society shapes the way we see our bodies -- and how to reclaim our bodies as ours and ours alone, and appreciate them for the incredible vessels of life they truly are.Pre-order Take Back Your Brain here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/book

Behind the door of self-coaching lies an entirely new version of you and your life... but there are three keys required to unlock that door. Almost every time I coach someone, they're missing one, two, or all three of these keys -- and it's blocking them from the transformation they want. Today, I'll teach you exactly what the keys are, which one you might be missing, and what to do next. Let's go!Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/337

In this bonus episode, we delve into the common struggle of changing bad habits and behaviors. Kara shares her personal experience of feeling stuck in a cycle of vowing to be different but not knowing how, until she discovered the key to breaking free. Learn how understanding the impact of our thoughts on our behavior is the first step to creating lasting change. Plus, discover the disappearing bonus of the week in this limited mini-series! Pre-order Take Back Your Brain here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/book

You know how it kind of feels like everything is going wrong with the world at once right now? There’s war, climate concerns, an upcoming election, and more. Staying on top of the news is so stressful but ignoring it doesn’t seem like an option either. It’s exhausting and demoralizing and it’s a lot for our brains to handle. But don't worry, I've got you. This episode is going to help you solve this conundrum and figure out how to stay informed and realistic without just bottoming out in despair.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/336

If you've ever felt like you're at the mercy of your negative emotions... you're not alone. And in a world of self-help advice that insists you should "Feel your feelings!", what are you supposed to do when those feelings become overwhelming, and you just want them gone? In this second episode of my new limited series, allow me to introduce you to the three Rs of emotions, and offer you three different ways of handling those negative feelings when they pop up (along with a sneak peek of my upcoming book, Take Back Your Brain!)Pre-order Take Back Your Brain here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/book

Have you ever felt embarrassed about perusing the self-help section of a bookstore or reading a self-help book out in public? Maybe you wonder whether trying to fix yourself is just the patriarchy at play in your brain. Do you even need to ‘fix’ yourself to begin with? To explore the answers to these questions, this episode is the first in a 10-part series aimed at getting us all on the same page about the foundation of feminist thought work. Listen in to hear the difference between sexist self-help and feminist self-help, and how one is deeply harmful while the other frees you.  Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/335

Have you ever worried that thought work might be helping you get comfortable with bad circumstances? Do you wonder if the idea that we're responsible for our circumstances is a form of gaslighting or victim blaming yourself or someone else? Does the thought ever pop into your mind "Thought work is for privileged people without real problems"? Tune in to today's very special episode for more on this, a sneak peek of my forthcoming book and updates on a very special bonus if you pre-order this week!Pre-order Take Back Your Brain here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/book

If you catch yourself worrying “Am I a bad person for thinking that?”, or carrying “Wtf is wrong with me!” guilt for the way you feel about something, congratulations: you’re a perfectly normal human. However, this level of concern about the moral value of your thoughts is unnecessary, and a little misguided! In this episode, I’ll read an excerpt from my new book, and talk about the importance of curious self-compassion (instead of self-judgment), and extending love to yourself in those moments. There's a better life waiting right next to you – you just have to believe it’s possible to see it. Pre-order Take Back Your Brain here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/book

My book, Take Back Your Brain: How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head – and How to Get It Out, is finally available for pre-order and it’s already been reviewed as “a galvanizing and motivating debut” and “genius.” It’s the most cutting-edge, useful, and concrete work I’ve ever produced, and I’m here this week to offer you the deal of the century. Listen in to learn how you can pre-order my book ahead of everyone else and the free bonuses I’ll be giving out weekly. I’m sharing the big-picture overview of the book, why I truly believe this is the best self-help book ever written, and how you can get a chance to win a private one-to-one coaching session with me.Pre-order my book here: TakeBackYourBrainBook.comGet full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/334

Do you ever find yourself fixating on something that you thought you’d already resolved? No matter how long you’ve been practicing thought work, you’ve most likely experienced this in some area of your life. I know I have. So today, I want to share a concept that has really clicked for me in a new way recently and has given me so much relief. Join me on this episode to hear what ghost thought patterns are and why they continue to haunt you, even after you’ve resolved the underlying thought problem. You’ll learn why our brains are in the habit of misdiagnosing threats to our survival, and a simple tool that will help you redirect your thoughts when your primitive brain engages in old, unhelpful patterning.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/333

What do you do when the success you've worked so hard for finally arrives... but doesn’t feel the way you thought it would? To help us dive into the mental drama around how we believe success SHOULD make us feel (but usually doesn't), I’m joined by marketing genius, Wall Street Journal best-selling author, and keynote speaker, Laura Gassner Otting. Her newest book, Wonderhell, explores why we chase achievement and success in the first place, and where to go from here. She’s on the pod today to share her insights on getting comfortable with discomfort, and the process she went through to redefine what success means to her.  Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/332

Imagine your partner, friend, parent, or boss says something to you that leaves you feeling angry, hurt, or otherwise extremely negative. Now you’re wondering, are you supposed to coach yourself out of this feeling, or do you say or do something about it? Join me on this episode to learn what to do the next time you find yourself asking the question, “Should I coach myself or should I say or do something?” I’m showing you the hidden assumptions that are driving this question, how this framing of self-coaching relates to our socialization as women, and a new way to approach the question of whether to coach yourself or take action.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/331

Is your partner wanting to move faster or slower than you to meet certain relationship milestones? We’ve been taught to see moving at different speeds than your partner as a huge red flag. However, Dr. Alexandra Solomon - a best-selling author, therapist, speaker, expert in the study of relationships, and my guest this week - believes pace discrepancies allow us to work on essential relational skills. She’s here to uncover the complexities that our relationships demand and share her top tips for opening up communication with your partner on this topic.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/330

You might already know this, but feeling loved doesn’t hinge on someone else loving you. Even if you grasp that external love can’t dictate your feelings, or recognize how societal conditioning shapes women’s views on love and dating, there may be hidden thoughts blocking you from accessing the emotions you crave. Tune in this week as I explore the distinction between loving and being loved, and which feels better. I’m sharing the fundamental socialization that has us assessing our relationships in unhelpful ways, and what happens when you switch your focus from being loved to loving.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/329

This week I’m talking numbing out with fellow life coach (and my platonic life soulmate and bestie) Rachel Hart. Whether you use drinking, eating, shopping, or Netflix binges, numbing is what we do to distract from, or try to get away from, negative emotions. Tune in to find out why it’s important to get to the root of why you’re numbing out, why numbing feels so good, and what many women are using numbing for.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/328

Now that the holiday glow and shininess of a new year has worn off, many of us find ourselves thinking that it’s time to buckle down and get busy — to start checking things off our to-do lists. You may have this idea of how you have to get these things done or that you have to do them a certain way and that might not feel great. But why? Tune in to find out how social programming is making you feel anxious — not just about your to-do list but in all areas of your life — and how you can get that socially-programmed anxiety out of your head in my free training, The Feminist Anxiety Fix. Text your email to +1 347-997-1784, keyword “anxiety,” or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/anxiety to get on the waiting list today.   

As we wrap up this three-part series on goals, I’m going to talk about something that we typically don’t do when it comes to goals — analyzing what went wrong. Learn how to handle when life gets in the way of your goals, how to plan for the unexpected, and why analyzing what went wrong is key to your success.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/327

Ever notice how when you “mess up” with your goal, even just a little, it becomes so easy to stay off track? In part two of this three-part series about falling off the wagon with our goals, learn what the biggest cause of goal derailment is, what you can do to get back on track, and how you can learn to diagnose exactly what went wrong with your goal in my Get Back on the Wagon Challenge.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/326

In part one of this three-part series about falling off the wagon with our goals, I discuss why we fall off the wagon, how your current reaction to falling off the wagon is actually based on your misunderstanding of why it happens, and the one very important thing that most people get wrong about goals.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/325

I am so excited to share this news with you. My work and my business are evolving and it’s time to make some changes. Tune in to learn about the evolution of my business thus far, find out the secret that I’ve been keeping for SO long, see where things are headed for the future, and learn how you can become a founding member of the next phase in this life-changing work.Get full show notes and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/324

I’m joined by Damona Hoffman, certified dating coach and author of F the Fairy Tale as we discuss unpacking the myths and socialization we’ve internalized about dating and relationships. Listen in as we talk about how you can use the skills that have made you successful in other areas of your life and apply them to dating, how to experience the joy of dating, and the key to designing the type of relationships you actually want.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/323

Many of us really enjoy the planning stage of New Year’s resolutions — the stage where you’re buying new gym outfits or color-coordinating all of the time you’re setting aside on your calendar to write your book. But are you really planning for success? Or are you just enjoying the fantasy? In this episode, I’m going to teach you the biggest mistake people make in planning a resolution and how to actually plan so you can succeed.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/322

In this bonus episode, I’m joined by Vivian Tu, former Wall Street trader and author of Rich AF. We discuss the financial socialization and stigma women are faced with including the belief that women aren’t good with money and the idea that having money makes you a “bad” person. Learn what being rich really means (hint: it doesn’t mean having dozens of designer purses and handbags) and learn some practical tips for how you can get started on your financial journey to being Rich AF. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/personal-finance-vivian-tu

Now that you know the importance of resolutions, you may be wondering how you should actually go about choosing one. In this episode, I’ll teach you how to choose a resolution based on a positive motivator: your values. Listen in to find out why setting resolutions using shame as a motivator never works, how to set goals by aligning an area of your life with your chosen values, and how having a positive value-driven motivator for your resolutions can make all the difference.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/321

Resolutions have started to get a bad rap. And it is reasonable to be skeptical about resolutions — they can be self-critical, perfectionist fantasies of disillusionment. But goals are important, necessary even. Listen in as I explain why your brain gets comfortable staying in uncomfortable situations, why the New Year is a good time to set goals, and how goals can help you get to the life you dream of.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/320

Most of us have heard of the seven deadly sins, but don’t really know what they are, where they come from, or how they play into how women are expected to behave in our society. In this episode, I’m joined by Elise Loehnen, author of the New York Times best-seller, On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good. Tune in as we discuss the seven deadly sins and their origins (including the eighth sin that was eliminated), cultural programming and the effect it has on our lives, what exactly the patriarchy is and how it came to be, and why envy can be a sign of what you truly want. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/319

Let’s talk about anxiety. Specifically, socially-programmed anxiety. This is a type of anxiety that women, and people socialized as women, feel that comes from trying to live up to the impossible expectations of our society. We’re told we need to look a certain way, behave a certain way, and go about our lives making sure everyone else is happy. Trying to live up to these standards causes immense anxiety. And traditional anxiety-reducing methods like yoga and spa days don’t help.To get on the waitlist for the next round, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784, code word “anxiety” or visit https://unfuckyourbrain.com/anxiety.

We’re getting to that time of year where we start slowing down to reflect on the previous year and start looking forward to the next one. And this is one of the most important episodes for planning, setting goals, and trying to change your life. In this episode, learn what an impossible goal is and how to set one in a way that serves you, understand how perfectionism warps our thinking and how that warped thinking is contributing to the way we think about goals, and how to differentiate between an impossible goal and a perfectionist fantasy.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/318

“When are you going to have kids?” is a question that many women are asked in their lives, sometimes by complete strangers. It’s just assumed that all women should want to have children. This week, Emmalee Bierly and Jennifer Chaiken, licensed marriage and family therapists and hosts of the ShrinkChicks podcast join me as we dig into the anxiety around having, or not having, children (whether by choice or not). Tune in to find out why you shouldn’t base your decision to have kids or not on not wanting to feel regret, how to navigate relationships with people who don’t have the same lifestyle choices as you, and tuning out the socialization we’ve absorbed around having children.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/317

To be able to create the outcomes that we want in our lives, sometimes we have to tone down the drama in our brains. But we often don’t have much perspective on whether or not we’re being dramatic, because as women and people socialized as women, we’re taught that simply having feelings is dramatic. Join me this week as I explain what I mean by “being dramatic,” how the facts of a situation may not be as dramatic as you make them out to be, why I think being dramatic can be harmful, and the beauty of learning that your thoughts cause your feelings, actions, and outcomes in your life.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/316

Join me this week for a special bonus episode with hosts of the Girls Gotta Eat podcast, Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine! Tune in as we discuss the intricacies of sex, dating, and relationships, breaking free from societal norms, celebrating the unfiltered truth about women's lives, and even their premium sex toy business. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/girls-gotta-eat

Rae McDaniel, gender and sex therapist and author of Gender Magic, joins me on the podcast this week to talk about the role of gender in a world where we all desire to walk around as our most authentic selves. ​​Even if we don’t have questions about our gender identity, we may question how we’ve been socialized in our genders or how to support others who have questions about their identity. Listen in as we discuss how a positive vision for your future can make it easier to handle challenges you encounter on your journey, gender freedom and what it means, and how exploring what you like is integral to knowing who you are.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/315

Thought work is not frivolous. It’s absolutely necessary, powerful work. The deepest power of thought work is helping us stay centered and grounded when challenging things are happening. Listen to learn the difference between clean and dirty pain, how to not be paralyzed in challenging situations, and how you can reduce and release suffering.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/314

Working hard has gotten a bad rep lately. When you’re creating something you’re passionate about, it’s unrealistic to think that it won’t be hard work. But there’s a difference between running yourself ragged because you’re trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or you think that’s the only way you’ll be successful, and working really hard on something you’re trying to bring into fruition. I’m joined by Oat Haus founder and CEO, Ali Bonar, as we discuss what entrepreneurship really looks like, why the journey and not just the destination has to be worthwhile, why “working too hard” is just another thing for women to police themselves about, and why no matter what your career is it’s ok to work hard.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/313

Dr. Adrienne Mann and Dr. Tyra Fainstad conducted a study of over 1,000 women resident and fellow physicians, enrolling about half of them in a group coaching program, while the other half didn’t receive any coaching. The results were astounding — their research found that coaching drastically improves burnout, imposter syndrome, and self-compassion (among other things). They join me on the podcast this week as we discuss their study, learn why residents were the ideal group to do this research on, define moral injury as it relates to our careers, and learn why group coaching might be right for you.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/312

Let’s talk about anxiety. Specifically, socially-programmed anxiety. This is a type of anxiety that women, and people socialized as women, feel that comes from trying to live up to the impossible expectations of our society. We’re told we need to look a certain way, behave a certain way, and go about our lives making sure everyone else is happy. Trying to live up to these standards causes immense anxiety. And traditional anxiety-reducing methods like yoga and spa days don’t help.To get on the waitlist, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784, code word “anxiety” or visit https://unfuckyourbrain.com/anxiety.

We assume that clutter is inherently bad or a problem. And for many, lack of organization and clutter leads to anxiety, overwhelm, and stress. On top of that, we're absorbing socialization around the expectation to keep a perfectly tidy and organized home. Join me and values-based organizing expert, author, and coach Shira Gill as we discuss the perfectionist fantasy of organization, the mental or emotional blocks that may come up when you’re trying to get organized, how your disorganization may be caused by your thoughts, and how you can coach yourself into a more organized life.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/311

No matter how long you’ve been coaching yourself, it’s normal to have blocks and challenges come up. If you’ve been self-coaching and just not seeing the results you want, there are a few specific reasons that may be holding you back. Tune in as I share with you the six primary blocks to self-coaching and find out why we really have to see circumstances as neutral, why we need to dig deep in our thought work practice, what role shame plays in thought work, and why insight alone isn’t going to change your brain.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/310

Discover the power of coaching and therapy through a feminist lens on this week's podcast episode. Tune in as we explore how understanding the impact of socialization on women's brains can transform coaching and therapy and hear from Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching alumni Jen Fadden, Osaru Anyumba, Nicolassa Galvez, and Rachelle Siebke, as they talk about how ACFC has empowered them in their work and solidified their self-identity, the need to question established norms, how feminist coaching is also beneficial for men, and more.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/309

We all feel fear in our lives for all sorts of different reasons. Some fear can be useful and some fear can be unproductive. Regardless of whether your fear is useful or unproductive, it’s important to listen to it, not to give into it but to better understand its source. Tune in this week to my conversation with author, personal finance expert and host of the So Money podcast, Farnoosh Torabi, as we discuss the role fear plays as a natural instinct, how you can differentiate between useful and unproductive fear, what role fear plays in financial anxiety, the impact of fear on ambition, embracing a balanced perspective, and more.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/308

As a historically patriarchal institution, marriages of the past benefited the man far more than the woman. A man and woman became one legal entity, but the woman was essentially absorbed by her husband — she couldn’t hold a profession or make legal decisions for herself. She existed for procreation and unpaid labor. So what happens when despite knowing all of the statistics and all of the history, you think you still might want to get married? In part 2 of this series about my engagement, I focus on the decision to get married as it relates to socialization, why we can’t completely desocialize our brains, and why sometimes you just have to live with ambiguity and ambivalence.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/307

Most coaching certification and therapy programs don’t teach how to look at socialization and the way it impacts women’s brains and the way they think about themselves in the world. So I’ve created a brand new, free private podcast called How to Coach Like a Feminist: Adding A Feminist Lens to Coaching or Cognitive-Based Therapy. In this limited series starting September 18, you’ll learn about marketing and selling, the client/coach relationship, how to set your client goals, the feminist coaching lens, and more. If you want to learn how adding a feminist lens to your work can completely change your coaching, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784 and enter the keyword COACH when prompted or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/coach.

We're socialized to believe that the way other people act is about us. Women are socialized to want big romantic gestures from men, which they then equate to how much the man loves them, which equates to how valuable they are as a woman. Newsflash: Other people’s behavior is not actually about you.Tune in this week to find out why our expectations of how we want other people to behave (in all sorts of contexts) are influenced by our behavior, how engagements and the expectations that go along with them are a microcosm of where we’re at in society today, and why elaborate engagements make less sense in today’s society than they did in the past.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/306

This week I’m joined by Executive Coach and Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching grad Jamie Lee as we discuss how to ask for and advocate for what you want in your professional life (and all parts of your life). Tune in to learn about the “outside the performance review network” that’s important to getting ahead, the 3-step framework for advocating for whatever it is you want in your professional life, and how to interrupt the unintentional thought patterns that are holding you back.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/305

The things you do and the choices you make —the direction in which your “life GPS” is set — determine the outcomes in your life. So if there’s an area in your life where you aren’t happy with the outcomes you’ve been getting or you feel bad about them, you may need to check what your GPS is set to. Tune in to this week’s podcast to learn how to make sure your GPS is set to a destination that you can actually reach, why your destination doesn’t have to be a concrete goal, and what you’ll need to do to reach your destination. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/304

Nearly all of us will experience a breakup at some point in our lives (if we haven’t already). No matter how or why the relationship ends, it’s what we choose to do once that relationship is over, that really matters. This week on the podcast, fellow coach Ali Ryan is joining me to talk about using thought work to navigate breakups, divorce, and separation. We’ll discuss how breakups can be a tool for transformation, why the relationship with yourself may be the most important when you’re going through a breakup, and what you gain from being willing to have a happy ending, even though the relationship is over.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/303

Vacations. Most of us can’t wait to get away and just chill out. You might imagine yourself in a gorgeous location, eating delicious food, seeing beautiful sights, lounging by the pool or at the beach, feeling rested and happy. Or maybe you find yourself dreading it because you’re already counting the things that are sure to go wrong. So, how can you prepare for the disappointment that may come with a perfectionist fantasy like scenario one? And how can you avoid letting difficult or frustrating circumstances, like scenario two, ruin your entire trip? Tune in this week to find out how you can enjoy your vacation no matter what happens.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/302