UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

Working hard has gotten a bad rep lately. When you’re creating something you’re passionate about, it’s unrealistic to think that it won’t be hard work. But there’s a difference between running yourself ragged because you’re trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or you think that’s the only way you’ll be successful, and working really hard on something you’re trying to bring into fruition. I’m joined by Oat Haus founder and CEO, Ali Bonar, as we discuss what entrepreneurship really looks like, why the journey and not just the destination has to be worthwhile, why “working too hard” is just another thing for women to police themselves about, and why no matter what your career is it’s ok to work hard.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/313

Dr. Adrienne Mann and Dr. Tyra Fainstad conducted a study of over 1,000 women resident and fellow physicians, enrolling about half of them in a group coaching program, while the other half didn’t receive any coaching. The results were astounding — their research found that coaching drastically improves burnout, imposter syndrome, and self-compassion (among other things). They join me on the podcast this week as we discuss their study, learn why residents were the ideal group to do this research on, define moral injury as it relates to our careers, and learn why group coaching might be right for you.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/312

Let’s talk about anxiety. Specifically, socially-programmed anxiety. This is a type of anxiety that women, and people socialized as women, feel that comes from trying to live up to the impossible expectations of our society. We’re told we need to look a certain way, behave a certain way, and go about our lives making sure everyone else is happy. Trying to live up to these standards causes immense anxiety. And traditional anxiety-reducing methods like yoga and spa days don’t help.To get on the waitlist, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784, code word “anxiety” or visit https://unfuckyourbrain.com/anxiety.

We assume that clutter is inherently bad or a problem. And for many, lack of organization and clutter leads to anxiety, overwhelm, and stress. On top of that, we're absorbing socialization around the expectation to keep a perfectly tidy and organized home. Join me and values-based organizing expert, author, and coach Shira Gill as we discuss the perfectionist fantasy of organization, the mental or emotional blocks that may come up when you’re trying to get organized, how your disorganization may be caused by your thoughts, and how you can coach yourself into a more organized life.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/311

No matter how long you’ve been coaching yourself, it’s normal to have blocks and challenges come up. If you’ve been self-coaching and just not seeing the results you want, there are a few specific reasons that may be holding you back. Tune in as I share with you the six primary blocks to self-coaching and find out why we really have to see circumstances as neutral, why we need to dig deep in our thought work practice, what role shame plays in thought work, and why insight alone isn’t going to change your brain.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/310

Discover the power of coaching and therapy through a feminist lens on this week's podcast episode. Tune in as we explore how understanding the impact of socialization on women's brains can transform coaching and therapy and hear from Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching alumni Jen Fadden, Osaru Anyumba, Nicolassa Galvez, and Rachelle Siebke, as they talk about how ACFC has empowered them in their work and solidified their self-identity, the need to question established norms, how feminist coaching is also beneficial for men, and more.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/309

We all feel fear in our lives for all sorts of different reasons. Some fear can be useful and some fear can be unproductive. Regardless of whether your fear is useful or unproductive, it’s important to listen to it, not to give into it but to better understand its source. Tune in this week to my conversation with author, personal finance expert and host of the So Money podcast, Farnoosh Torabi, as we discuss the role fear plays as a natural instinct, how you can differentiate between useful and unproductive fear, what role fear plays in financial anxiety, the impact of fear on ambition, embracing a balanced perspective, and more.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/308

As a historically patriarchal institution, marriages of the past benefited the man far more than the woman. A man and woman became one legal entity, but the woman was essentially absorbed by her husband — she couldn’t hold a profession or make legal decisions for herself. She existed for procreation and unpaid labor. So what happens when despite knowing all of the statistics and all of the history, you think you still might want to get married? In part 2 of this series about my engagement, I focus on the decision to get married as it relates to socialization, why we can’t completely desocialize our brains, and why sometimes you just have to live with ambiguity and ambivalence.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/307

Most coaching certification and therapy programs don’t teach how to look at socialization and the way it impacts women’s brains and the way they think about themselves in the world. So I’ve created a brand new, free private podcast called How to Coach Like a Feminist: Adding A Feminist Lens to Coaching or Cognitive-Based Therapy. In this limited series starting September 18, you’ll learn about marketing and selling, the client/coach relationship, how to set your client goals, the feminist coaching lens, and more. If you want to learn how adding a feminist lens to your work can completely change your coaching, text your email address to +1 347 997 1784 and enter the keyword COACH when prompted or visit unfuckyourbrain.com/coach.

We're socialized to believe that the way other people act is about us. Women are socialized to want big romantic gestures from men, which they then equate to how much the man loves them, which equates to how valuable they are as a woman. Newsflash: Other people’s behavior is not actually about you.Tune in this week to find out why our expectations of how we want other people to behave (in all sorts of contexts) are influenced by our behavior, how engagements and the expectations that go along with them are a microcosm of where we’re at in society today, and why elaborate engagements make less sense in today’s society than they did in the past.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/306

This week I’m joined by Executive Coach and Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching grad Jamie Lee as we discuss how to ask for and advocate for what you want in your professional life (and all parts of your life). Tune in to learn about the “outside the performance review network” that’s important to getting ahead, the 3-step framework for advocating for whatever it is you want in your professional life, and how to interrupt the unintentional thought patterns that are holding you back.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/305

The things you do and the choices you make —the direction in which your “life GPS” is set — determine the outcomes in your life. So if there’s an area in your life where you aren’t happy with the outcomes you’ve been getting or you feel bad about them, you may need to check what your GPS is set to. Tune in to this week’s podcast to learn how to make sure your GPS is set to a destination that you can actually reach, why your destination doesn’t have to be a concrete goal, and what you’ll need to do to reach your destination. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/304

Nearly all of us will experience a breakup at some point in our lives (if we haven’t already). No matter how or why the relationship ends, it’s what we choose to do once that relationship is over, that really matters. This week on the podcast, fellow coach Ali Ryan is joining me to talk about using thought work to navigate breakups, divorce, and separation. We’ll discuss how breakups can be a tool for transformation, why the relationship with yourself may be the most important when you’re going through a breakup, and what you gain from being willing to have a happy ending, even though the relationship is over.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/303

Vacations. Most of us can’t wait to get away and just chill out. You might imagine yourself in a gorgeous location, eating delicious food, seeing beautiful sights, lounging by the pool or at the beach, feeling rested and happy. Or maybe you find yourself dreading it because you’re already counting the things that are sure to go wrong. So, how can you prepare for the disappointment that may come with a perfectionist fantasy like scenario one? And how can you avoid letting difficult or frustrating circumstances, like scenario two, ruin your entire trip? Tune in this week to find out how you can enjoy your vacation no matter what happens.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/302

Every one of us has received social messages not only about how we should spend our time, but also what kind of morality is attached to how we spend it. Women have an added layer of time socialization on top of this, because we’re socialized to believe that we exist for the purpose of doing things for others. It’s no wonder many women in today’s world feel like they never have enough time.This week I’m having a conversation about women and time with the host of the Feminist Time, Productivity, & Rest podcast, Vikki Louise. We discuss why waking up one hour early isn’t going to solve your time problems, how the existing time structure was not created with women in mind, and how your thoughts can be the biggest time suck.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/301

There’s too much goodness inside the Clutch to contain it to just one episode, so here comes Part Two! Here’s your chance to get a look inside my feminist monthly coaching program. In Part Two of this episode, I’ll share about the power of coaching – especially one-on-one coaching – and you’ll find out why it’s ok to need support, how you can regulate your nervous system when your anxiety is high, and how you can join the amazing Clutch community.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/300.5

Whether you’re a new listener and unsure what the Clutch even is or you’re a long-time listener who’s always been curious about the Clutch, here’s your chance to get a look inside my feminist monthly coaching program. In Part One of this episode, I’ll share what led me to become a life coach, the Clutch Community Manager will tell you about all the goodness inside the member’s only Clutch site, and our Clutch Coaches will break down some of their favorite resources that are included in the Clutch. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/300

This week I’m joined by EbonyJanice, author of All the Black Girls are Activists. Tune in as we discuss how to reclaim authority over your own life, how doing the work to show up as your true self is a political act, why wellness culture and the idea of a “soft life” can be misleading, why your inner guard dog may sound different than you think, and more.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/299

As women and people socialized as women, we’re often making decisions from an emotional place, deciding what to do based on whether doing it or not is going to make us feel worse, aka ashamed or guilty — two emotional states that we’ve been taught to avoid. Tune in to find out why guilt and shame are not moral truths of the universe (and what they actually are), and how deciding what to think and feel on purpose will help you lead a life that’s aligned with your values.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/298

Oftentimes the thoughts we think aren’t what’s most important; it’s our reaction to them that really matters. This week I’ll discuss why the way you react to your thoughts can be more important than the thoughts themselves, how your reaction may make your emotional experience worse, and how cognitive dissonance between your new thoughts and your old thoughts can actually work in your favor.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/297

Many of us feel stuck when we experience the discomfort of anxiety. But ironically, it’s not the anxiety itself that keeps us stuck, it’s what we do when we’re anxious that keeps us in the cycle of anxiety and inaction — aka psychological avoidance. This week on the podcast we’re digging deep into the brain with Dr. Luana Marques, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of Bold Move. We’ll discuss the three skills you can use to move through psychological avoidance, why aligning with our values can be difficult for women because of the way we were socialized, and how to know if you’re thinking clearly or if your brain has been hijacked by your amygdala.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/296

The way you think about how you were raised, especially if there were certain things you didn’t like about your caregivers’ behavior, can have a big impact on you in adulthood — whether you’re a parent or not. This week on the podcast I discuss the unintended consequences of basing your self-worth as a parent on being different than your parents were, how demonizing characteristics of your caregivers inevitably leads you to demonizing parts of yourself, and what the underlying solution is to these problems.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/295

Things are going to get a little hot and steamy this week as I talk sex with Dr. Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily podcast. We discuss why many women are not having the pleasurable fulfilling sex lives they want to. Listen in to find out what a sex IQ is, why sex should be part of your overall wellness plan, and how getting to know yourself can lead to better sex.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/294

Tune in to this episode as I answer some questions about boundaries, breakups, and relationships. You’ll find out how you might be thinking about boundaries the wrong way, why enjoying your own company has nothing to do with wanting to be in a relationship, and why you can’t rush through the emotional process after a breakup.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/293

Now that we know how and why we criticize others (and ourselves), what can we do to stop being so critical (if we decide we want to)? In this podcast episode, I’ll teach you some thoughts you can use to work through being critical, how to check in with your motivation behind your critique, how to redirect your thoughts about a specific person or thing, and general techniques you can use to stop being so critical.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/292

Being critical of other people is something that many of us do so often that we may not even realize we’re doing it. And not only do we criticize others, we often (maybe even constantly) criticize ourselves. But why do we do it? Tune in to find out what criticism is and understand why we do it, the good reasons why your brain may default to being critical, and how criticism has more to do with you than the other person.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/291

Adults are being diagnosed with ADHD more and more these days. And receiving the diagnosis alone is helping many folks make sense of certain behaviors they have that have always been a bit quirky. But for some, a diagnosis of ADHD can also bring up feelings that are difficult to navigate.This week I’m joined by life coach and host of the I Have ADHD podcast, Kristen Carder, for a conversation about thought work and neurodivergent brains. We discuss why ebbing and flowing may be better than consistency, why lack of motivation is not a problem, and how to support yourself or any neurodivergent person in your life.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/290

There is a difference in how I feel about loving my partner and how he feels about loving me. And recently, while trying to work on creating more feelings of bliss for myself in our relationship, I realized that my socialization as a woman was affecting the way that I approached loving my partner. And this socialization doesn’t just affect romantic relationships, it can affect your platonic relationships as well. Tune in to find out the difference between loving someone else and being loved, which feels better, and how you can create more feelings of bliss in all your relationships.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/289

We’ve all experienced loss and grief at some point in our lives. And while we may hear that there’s a set number of steps to go through or a timeline to follow, grief doesn’t really ever end. But, you do get to decide who you want to be after the loss. I’m joined by Krista St-Germain, Master Certified Coach and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast, this week on the podcast as we discuss how the socialization of women in our society affects the way that we grieve, what post-traumatic growth is (and how not to use it against yourself), and how you can get over the grief plateau and learn to be truly happy again.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/288

As humans, logic and reason reassure us that something could or could not work — they help us make sense of what we perceive as possible. But logic and reason can only take us so far. They alone will never be able to convince us to do something we’ve never done before. Where logic and reason run out, that’s the point where we have to decide to take a leap of faith (or not).Tune in to this week’s episode to find out why a leap of faith may be the missing piece for you to create meaningful change in your life, the role tolerating risk plays in making changes, and why feeling anxious about making a change doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad idea.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/287

Today is my birthday! It’s a day I love for all the obvious reasons, but it’s also a time when I love to reflect and take stock of my life and how it’s changed over the past year – and there has certainly been a lot of change in the last year! It didn’t happen all at once. But little bits of change over time have added up to massive shifts.

Is there an alternate version of your life that you fantasized about having, that you didn’t get to experience? When we don’t let ourselves grieve or acknowledge those fantasies that we left behind, it can sometimes cause us to get stuck or be unable to make decisions and move forward in our lives. Tune in to this week’s episode to find out what I mean by grieving a life you won’t live, how to do it, and why feeling regret doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/286

We might call massages, face masks, and shopping sprees self-care, but often they’re really just illusions of self-care. It looks like we’re doing these things to take care of ourselves but we never really address the core issue of what’s causing the stress. True self-care gets to the root of the problem and tackles it head on. And when you truly start taking care of yourself, that’s when you start seeing big changes in your life. This week I’m joined by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin. We discuss what real self-care is, how to be proactive instead of reactive with your self-care, and how true self-care is a revolutionary movement.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/285

Some of us are second-guessing ourselves all the time and don’t even realize it — especially women, because we’re actually taught to think this way. We’re taught that we don’t have the authority to make the right decisions — that we don’t know what’s best, not even for ourselves. If you struggle to make a decision, tune in to find out the 3 different types of second-guessing, what happens when we do it, and why it’s such a problem.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/284

Perfectionism is everywhere, it’s sneaky. And this week I want to talk about a little thing I like to call wellness perfectionism. No matter what tips, tools, and tricks we know for regulating our minds (and nervous systems) there’s no way for us to avoid having the human experience. This week I discuss what wellness perfectionism is, how you can see it showing up in your life, and how not to use wellness against yourself.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/283

Money can bring up a lot of tricky feelings - especially for women. But no matter where you are in your money story, here’s the good news: you can rewrite it if you choose. Join me, and money speaker and educator Tori Dunlap, in this episode as we explore our money mindsets and the social conditioning that comes along with them. We talk financial feminism, learning to navigate living in a capitalist society while doing the least harm, and common misconceptions about investing.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/282

This week I tackle listener questions including whether or not everything that happens to you is your fault because of your thoughts, how to coach yourself through anger, the right questions to ask yourself when self-coaching and more (including my thoughts about pineapple on pizza).Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/281

When you have goals and aspirations it’s normal to look for someone that can help you reach them. Having a mentor to help guide you can be a great thing. But sometimes as mentees, we put our mentors up on a pedestal. And when we believe our mentors —and not ourselves — have the answer to our success, we strip ourselves of our own authority and power. The same thing goes for coaches.Tune in to learn how to take the hierarchy out of your mentor and coaching relationships and how the most important mentorship relationship is the one you have with yourself.  Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/280

What if there were one question you could ask yourself that immediately put you in touch with your highest priorities, your deepest values, and how you want to live in the world? In this episode, you will learn the question I ask myself to instantly gain perspective and clarity on what matters most to me. Tune in to learn how this question can change your life, too.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/279

Whether we’re at the top of a corporation, running our own business, or working as an employee, we’ll often find a million different ways to outsource our leadership to others. But if we can do the hard work of learning to trust ourselves as the ultimate authority over our own lives, that’s where the magic happens.This week I’m joined by online business legend, Amy Porterfield. Tune is as we dismantle some of the myths about starting your own business and discuss developing a CEO mindset, how socialization affects female entrepreneurs in particular, and the biggest mistake Amy made in her first year of business (so you can avoid it too - whether you have a business or not).Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/278

I am Jewish, but I don’t consider myself to be particularly religious or spiritual. I know that may seem strange or like there’s a disconnect there, but Judaism is more than just a religion. So it doesn’t fit into the westernized ideal of what a religion is or should look like. This week on the podcast I share three ways Judaism has shaped my work in the world and I take a look at how the things that you learn as part of being in a religious community or any other kind of community impact how you think about the world.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/277

Emotional growth doesn’t always feel great. But it doesn’t have to feel terrible, either. You get to choose whether or not you put the time and energy into changing a certain aspect of your life. The key is being able to recognize the difference between giving up on something because you think it’s too hard, and choosing to pursue something else that is more interesting and important to you. This week we’ll revisit a very important topic: How to know when emotional difficulty is worth it. I’ll teach you why the hardest things are not always the most worthwhile.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/276

I truly believe self-love is the antidote to a lot of our self-created mental and emotional suffering — life sucks when you’re going through it hating yourself — but self-love is also often misunderstood. Tune in this week as I break down three common myths about self love. I’ll talk about why self-love is not selfish (and what it really is), how self-love will not get rid of all of your negative thoughts about yourself, and why self-love is a journey, not a destination.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/275

No matter how much love you do or do not feel on February 14, Valentine’s Day is just a made up ‘holiday.’ Yet we’ve been socialized to believe that a woman’s worth is dependent on having a certain type of romantic relationship. This week on the podcast I’m going to break down some common misconceptions about love. Join me as I discuss why love is not a state of being you simply arrive at, the real reason why you do (or don’t) feel loved, and why we think that love is an obligation. Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/274 

The workplace can be challenging for a lot of people, but women and those socialized as women face a further set of challenges. This week on the podcast I’m joined by Jenn Deal, Annie Framand, and Jamie Lee (three of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students) to discuss what ambition is and why women have trouble identifying with it, how to advocate for yourself in the workplace, and the right way to negotiate.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/273

This week on the podcast, I’m joined by three of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Deb Malkin, Jill Angie, and Sarah Shiozawa as we discuss exercise — its risks, rewards, and morality. Tune is as we offer our definitions of exercise, unpack the “why” behind our exercising, and discuss the power of choosing for yourself what you do with your body.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/272

I hear from clients all the time how hard it is to build new friendships in adulthood. But is that actually true? Or are we making that be true by holding onto outdated beliefs about friendship? If you desire more friendships in your life, you won’t want to miss my discussion with Dr. Marisa G. Franco. Tune into this week’s episode as Dr. Franco and I discuss how outdated ideas about friendship can make it harder to form new ones in adulthood, how looking to friends to make you feel good about yourself can be a recipe for disaster, and the role that romance plays in friendships.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/271

I like to call this the most delusional time of the year because many of us use this time to make goals and resolutions for the coming year that are completely unrealistic for the people we are right now. No wonder many resolutions go unfulfilled; our goals are out of touch with reality. Tune in to this week’s podcast episode to learn one simple concept that will change your habit-making life, how this concept can keep your goal alive even when all hell breaks loose, and how you can tell whether or not your goal is really just a fantasy you’re chasing.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/270

I love the way I dress, but lately I feel like there’s been some disconnect in my style. I’ve changed, and so has my business, and I want my style to evolve as well. But I found myself not really knowing how to get my outward style to match my inward expression and where I’m at currently in my life.Tune in as one of my friends and style coach, Judith Gaton, helps me hone my style and we discuss how to mesh different aspects of your personality into your style, how you can use your thoughts and your style to create the person you want to be, and how it’s never really about the clothes — it’s your thoughts about yourself in them.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/269

This week on the podcast, I’m joined by three of my Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching students, Sade Curry, Candice Toone, and Karen C.L. Anderson as we break down how patriarchal conditioning affects the way our mothers parent us. Tune is as we discuss mothers and mothering, how socialization impacts what we expect from mothers, and what work you can do (even on your own) to repair a mother or parental relationship in your life.Get full show notes and more information here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/268