Alonzo Bodden: Who's Paying Attention?

1- CNN No.2- Insult. Lie. Repeat.3- Justice for "lady parts."4- Healthcare reform is sick.5- Just get a better job.6- I don't understand.7- We’re #1.8- Deadly Stupid.9- Goodbye and Good Luck, CP3.

1- 'Dem chickens done come home.2- Outrage? No, just mildly upset.3- Black Lives Matter. We will not go away.4- Beauregard, this here black woman’s got some questions for you.5- Are you 1%? Check your paystub here.6- Ultimate Fathers Day gift.

1- Comey talks. We listen. Nothing changes.2- It's tough to be president the first time.3- Educated brainwashing (you got it, right kids?).4- Green Cards made in China.5- Ethics, now there’s a high bar, laying on the ground.6- Don’t get sick, Ohio. We need your votes.7- Fly 'em if ya got 'em. Damn that government control.8- House what?9- Captain Obvious goes to science class.10- Nascar, here we come.

1- Thank you, Veterans.2- BMW’s in a red state, stupid.3- Obama’s Navy4- Portland heroes: the silence was deafening.5- Lets talk TREASON where’s that hangin rope6- Nance’s Law7- FBI means don’t fuck with them.8- "Trump a complete Disaster," says the other orange guy.9- Body slam to a win.10- Racisms mixed with racists mixed with racists' history.11- Tiger, you need Jesus.12- R.I.P., Frank Deford. Thank you, Sir.

1- Another terror attack.2- Goodbye, Nicky Hayden.3- Pro Life for all Life.4- Just got back from Middle East.5- I promise not to keep promises.6- Black lives still don’t matter.7- The Elephant in the room is called Justice.

1- Showboatin' with big hands will get you fired.2- Hey Russia, guess what I heard.3- Putin says he’ll tell you about secret conversation with no secrets.4- Russia Smussia, are my taxes going down?5- Remember the good ol' days when a potato could bring you down?6- Escape to the NBA.

1- Vive Le France!2- Sally Yates owns Cruz.3- Comey fired. Yeah, it was the emails.4- Hiding in the bushes.5- SNL can’t keep up.6- Sorry, Swami. Condolences to Chris Berman.

1- 100 days of nothing.2- Can we get that Constitution out of the way?3- Pakistan is in me and out of me.4- Boston Racist? Uh YEAH.5- Apple, I just don’t have enough devices.6- My FB advice is don’t take FB advice.

1- I need a "Where’s my Carrier?" app.2- Let's go back to the 50’s.3- Segregation and secretarial pools.4- No Latinos, no Muslims, and just a few commies.5- Reefer Madness.6- You don’t need the internet that you’re using to listen to this.7- Yoga: Exercise for heathens. You find God in church where he belongs.8- I’m going to Pakistan.

1- Don’t bomb Syria. Save it for me.2- Real Presidents drop bombs.3- Coming to a Holocaust Center near you.4- United: You paid for a seat, the police beatings are free.5- Supreme Court Justice thanks the Senate. Now we know who you are.6- Obama forcing Trump to play golf repeatedly at our expense. Trump knows who we are.

1- UNC is #1!2- School is like UBER, so you can’t go.3- My bible says, "Go Nuclear."4- I’ll hunt you in your sleep when it's safe.5- In the long run, would you like to be shot, stabbed, or beaten?6- No, Rachel, you’re not Nigerian either.

1- You sick people are not Making America Great.2- I’ll investigate, if its ok with you, boss.3- Hey, Tomi, turns out they hate women too. Who knew?!4- No leggings except on supermodels.5- Our bad service is better than your bad service.6- Everything great in 7.1 seconds.7- Vegas, baby, Vegas! Get the handcuffs.8- Swipe right for NBA.

1- Can’t shake with little hands.2- Treason? Don’t worry, I got a Supreme Court guy.3- We’re moving on in.4- I got a little Texas in me.5- Artificial Intelligence is sexy.

1- Sorry about Trump... That’s False.2- You’re Fired.3– Captain Obvious. Hey, I’m in jail.4- Get Out, King Kong.5- Billion Dollar bracket.6- Customer is king.

1- Trump behaved...2- Well... for 2 days then Obama tapped something.3- Who didn’t talk to Russia?!4- Ben Carson: Now my day is ruined.5- Repeal healthcare, my day is worse.6- Burlington was nice.7- In my country, Glock equals confidence.8- Did I mention that asshole Ben Carson?

1- Great show I didn’t see.2- Gary from Chicago is da man.3- I wouldn't do dinner and neither will he.4- You don’t agree.5- What level is your racism?6- I agree with W.7- Shaqtin' a fool.

1- Everyone’s protesting, No one is listening.2- You get what you vote for.3- Sweden’s fake attack not covered by real news.4- Don’t listen to my boss.5- NBA protests against Defense.6- Spring training, HOPE.7- John Wick vs Jason Bourne

1- Who you calling illegal?!2- Chicken costs how much?3- 2 Sessions.4- Publik Skools in trouble.5- You weren’t gonna drink that water were you?6- We’re all on TV.7- I am not Atlanta.8- Goodbye, Al Jarreau. Thank You.

1- Jazz meets Country in Mexico.2- Trump news again.3- Pray for me.4- Frederick Douglas saves victims of Bowling Green Massacre.5- Go Falcons!

1- The crowd was as small as your hand.2- The alternative fact is...3- Women marched for women, not against you.4- Supremely bad nominees.5- That SuperBowl thing.

1- Great Americans Day my ass2- Do something.. Oh wait you did.3- Nice Klavern you have there.4- Let's grab a pussy.5- You see, what bully means is...6- Yacht racing? YEP.7- Lamar Odom, make Reality TV great again? Please.

1- Off to a horrific start. 2- Then it got worse. 3- The answer is no ladies. 4- Me & Lindsay Graham. Never thought I'd say that. 5- She’s off the Kool Aid. 6- Golden Globes Gold. 7- Fix my teleprompter. 8- 80 years of Spam.

1-Goodbye 2016, you killed. 2- Not all Trump, I hope. 3- Now he sends Russians home? 4- Conspiracy and crazy playing ball together. 5- Edward R Murrow is spinning in his grave. 6- Sports, that’s right, sports.

1- Person of the year not NICE person of the year2- The Russians have attacked, I mean Hacked3- The Death of Kindness4- Hidden Figures you should know

1- Trump calls Taiwan2- In other Tweets3- I doth protest4- Stand your ground5- I see your Prius and I raise you a Bolt6- Tiger's back7- I don't care what you say, those are leggings

1- Happy Thanksgiving, I hope2- I don't need education in education to run education3- Security? We’re going to need some money4- Being President is good for business5- Kris Humphries? What??6 - Merry Christmas go buy her a Lexus and get that G wagon for yourself

1- Who’s happy? Where they at?2- Cabinet of Deplorables3- No, its not OK4- I can’t make it better5- Leave my TV at home

1 - Damn...I thought I was wrong about the Cubs2 - First 100 daze3 - I need a truck and a gun

1 - There might be something that may have to do with the thing, maybe2 - Hillary might be only woman that doesn’t have email of Weiner’s weiner3 - Cubs Win. Nah, just kidding4 - This Halloween, I’m giving violence5 - Live longer with Facebook

1 - Undecided about debates2 - Read a book3 - Well you build the highways...4 - ATT HBO CNN: if its got initials, we want it5 - Time off from nothing6 - Pedals dead....clowns live7 - Snakes on a plane have landed

1- Trump said something2- Fake story only clowns would believe3- Sorry officer...my clown was taller4- Batman vs the Clown5- Sheriff Joe should be a clown6- The Exploding clown phone7- Clown ballot

1 - Sorry Rush -- hurricanes are real and have more hot air than you2 - That Mexican thing3 - Damn book learnin'4 - Hey bud! Wanna buy a car?5 - Need an iPhone to report my Galaxy Note 7 is on fire6 - Kim was robbed7 - Send in the Clowns. Well maybe they’re here

1- Debate = Beating2- Saying he has good judgment proved his poor judgment3- Cyber security, well I have a 10 year old and he's good with computers4- The spin room couldn't spin this5- AZ Republic supports Clinton their first Democrat in 126 years & YOU still can’t decide6- Black Lives Matter - except to cops7- Thank you Mr Scully

1 - That's a Bad Dude2 - North Carolina Crazy3 - Congressman Zeldin, Colin Kaepernick said you’re welcome4 - Mike Pence: Trump's wacky co-host5 - Stop and Frisk for that 2nd Amendment6 - Super Gun Owners7 - They shoot White too

1- Take a picture take a knee2- Backup American3- Shoot or be fired4- What color is your basket5- I’m not racist I’m just better than you

1- #lauering the bar2- Separate and definitely not equal3- Hates not selling4- Harassment costs 20 million Don’t do it5- Chicago hits 5006- I love fast women7- ITT TECH commercials are no more

1 - Thou doth protest2 - Flip flops made in Mexico3 - I'm not racist. My hacker is4 - Look at my Weiner5 - The devil made me do it6 - See it -- Fry it7 - Naked and Afraid

1 - No more Olympics2 - I hate to overexaggerate3 - 2nd biggest jerk, maybe4 - Above the rim5 - What have we got to lose? Everything.6 - Leave Leslie alone7 - I’m sorry he said it8 - Should’a bought on Rodeo

1- Golden Women2- Michael “Dolphin “ Phelps3- Usain the Artist4- USA Basketball better stop watching Beach Volleyball5- Tarnish on the Gold and Games6- Trump can’t Trump the games7- Milwaukee’s Burning8- Leaving the party for less9- You can’t out shoot Stupid

1- Brothers at the RNC2- Fact Checkers got tired3- Get Hillary back on AOL4- Policy, nah nevermind5- Stewart roasts Lumpy6- NBA does perfect crossover

1-Alton Sterling shot, here we go again2-No CHP this isn’t a movie3-Guns don’t kill, I did4-Hillary's not a criminal unless you already believe she is5-NBA has a black card, that’s a black credit card6-Tesla auto drives to trouble7-Noah is back8-Pfizer says drugs are addicting, in other news water is wet

1- Mass shooting cycle2- Trump wants to fight3-Florida’s bad week4- Beauty ruined5- No Trans Bathroom, but trans porn is ok though6- Hope in a loss

1. Thanks North Dakota, we been Trumped2. Transgender State of Emergency3. Rope around kids neck - not discrimination. Transgender bathroom - That's discrimination4. Clarence is at it again5. The mob is so jealous of Payday lenders6. Apple updates me to Microsoft7. Sports stuff

Guests: Cristela Alonzo and Lachlan Patterson1- Republican party is dead, again2- Pure evil endorses Trump3- Trump/Palin/Christie/Carson/who knows4- It's on the internet. It must be true5- You have the right to remain private

1-Cruz out Kasich out -- its all Trump2-Repubs are rushing to Hillary #nevertrump3-It all started with Palin...or Bachman or Santorum or insert crazy here4-Fox News confused5-Beyonce, CIA, I knew it6-My nigga7-Surge in surge costs8-Stay in school kids so when they catch you, you get paid

1- Back from Asia...no yellow fever2- Tough losses last week3- Hillary vs Donald vs America4- Apple cars and lead pipes, at the same time5- NASCAR leading the way. Backwards6- NBA is hurting7- Its all about Beyonce. No really, it is

1- I value New York Values2- Face tattoos. So that's it. Thanks Bill.3- Yep, I told you, NASCAR4- Bernie vs Hillary5- Damn Bill, even you?6- I have met the enemy and he is us. Not the government7- No American Airlines. It's not me. It's you

1- Media for Money2- Trump Women trump women3- Here a gun there a gun but nowhere near me a gun4- Stay in school kids5- Ocean Meat6- Our gaps are OK....This is ‘Merica dammit

1- Voter fraud in AZ. Say it aint so2- Trump and Cruz go after wives in new battle for a new low3- We need fewer Muslims and more guns4- Kid shoots pro gun mom from car seat5- Get your gun and git to college6- Baseball vs Terror7- Big losses this week8- Bugerizza...Damn right, made in “merica

1- Not much news on 80’s cruise2- I just heard about Oscars3- Trump front page every day4- Ben I’m gonna miss you5- Cricket, really I can’t get with soccer and now you give me cricket6- Oh well I’ve got Zika, or Ziga or sumpin7- SXSW: I’m gonna hang with the hipsters