Alonzo Bodden: Who's Paying Attention?

1- Repubs don't want to debate abortion, gay marriage or contraception. You now, their core issues2- God's giving out pink slips3- FOX News intolerance of Muslims matches Muslims intolerance of Americans4- Black pastor says Obama's a gay Kenyan; FOX News confused5- Forbes says "Even better than Reagan"6- Ebola, Ebola and more Ebola7- NFL players agree to wear pink ties to court when charged with domestic violence8- Hussain Abdullah penalized for praying, just like Tebow9- Jeter was amazing last of a dying breed. Walk off hit at Yankee Stadium and final hit against Boston. Now he's free to take your lady. Thanks Cap!

1- NFL is a mess that needs a leader2- Budweiser is going gangster, Tony Soprano would be proud3- ESPN fumbles again and again and again4- Drug tests, suspensions, suspensions of drug tests5- I’m watching Chess6- Republicans say drug test non users7- Get your MRAP here kids8- Scene from movie Crash becomes real life in my hometown9- Smell your cabbie, no really g’head , smell him

1- ESPN scooped by TMZ is BS2- My NBA owner is more racist than yours3- Sometimes you just need a punch in the mouth4- Lowlife bullies meet big time internet5- iPhone 6...can Siri step up?

1- A plan for Isis2- Look out Governor.3- Bachman was right. We're in trouble now4- Twisted logic of hate.5- Wanna see me naked?6- Footballs back. Call a lawyer7- Joan Rivers RIP

1- They're police, not soldiers - drive a van2- John Crawford was openly carrying a toy gun3- ENOUGH, STOP SHOOTING4- Thats expensive tea5- Left and right agree that they don't like public integrity investigations6- You're not paranoid when they are corrupt7- I made 142 million, for nothing8- Ice bucket challenged9- Michael Sam sacks Johnny Football; so do the Browns10- Suge Knight shot as the 90’s attempt revenge

1- Summer break from school shootings to shoot black kids2- Robin Williams is gone3- Let's not do stupid shit4- 2 weeks of not clearing brush5- Welcome gov and the Klan6- Do dogs read Craigslist?7- We’re sick but we hate healthcare8- We got robbed in a sketchy neighborhood9- College payers will get paid10- Welcome to Sturgis I was wrong

1- I've been insulted by Rickles....comedy careers complete2- Sarah Palin TV, cheaper than your porn site3- Constitution smonstitution, I’m Rand Paul4- Right of the right5- Obama vs Israel6- Canadian Sopranos meet Maury Povich7- Rob Ford might be the smart one in family8- Sexy teacher teaches boys sex9- Sterling's out but we’re stuck with Stephen A10- Thor’s a woman Capt America’s black The Tea Partys mad

1- Schools out No Shootings2- What a pretty convict you have3- Ann Coulter hates soccer so it must be good4- Tea party Vs Tea Party decided by black people? Only in America5- Dick Cheney vs EVERYBODY6- What the founding fathers meant was, read and think for yourselves

1- Lookin for good news, found shootings2- Seattle, Oregon, Vegas...I can't keep up3- They’re not school shootings, they’re shootings that took place at a school4- Shootings and racism are like hot dogs and apple pie5- Obama palling around with terrorists again6- Long beard, you must be terrorist, or Duck hunter7- New bible endorsed by same Jesus that brought you guns8- Obama multitasking started Iraq war while engineering economic collapse9- C’mon Eric Cantor let's vote down Obamacare one last time10- Congrats San Antonio11- Congrats LA Kings12- World Cup, it’s the greatest game blah blah blah13- Whooping Cough is here....take that Bird Flu

1- I’m not psychic2- Cowards, featuring Joe The Plumber3- #yesallwomen because we men need to know4- I brought my gun to a restaurant5- Fewer guns vs more racism, only in America6- Australia did it7- Goodbye Maya Angelou we love you, we miss you and we need you

1- We register cars, don't we?2- Hello police? There's an armed militia next door3- Insane, meet more insane4- Race has nothing, I mean everything to do with it5- A word from an expert6- Guns as free speech7- Your argument could kill me

1- Donald Sterling's racist rant cost him the Clippers2- Adam Silver don’t play3- Gold-digger’s gotta dig4- Cliven who?5- Sarah’s crazy Supreme court is dangerous6- A living wage might cost you your other job, dinosaurs wore saddles and other repub myths7- Sorry PJ maybe Tesla will make a chainsaw

1- Women aim too low2- Patriotic domestic terror3- Designed to be unintelligent4- Planned Grand Parenthood5- Laws are sexy

1- Stabbing is better than shooting2- Repubs appeal to racists? Say it ain’t so3- Poor people better learn to buy drugs on lower minimum wage4- 3 reasons I like republicans

1- Supreme Court finally allows rich some representation2- Something to buy with 100 million3- I vote against me4- Guns don't kill people, oh wait, they do5- Get your bear suit6- Coaches rich. Players nothing

1- Was that Black White or Green2- Bullets are bad for you3- Gay Bullies4- Slavery, the good kind5- Dr. Ben6- Black Twitter & Tweets

1- Airline bill of rights? You have the right to pay2- Can I see your X-rays?3- Arizona is Western Mississippi4- Religion's coming to an end and boy is Jesus happy

1- Murder unsuccessful but attempted murder went great2- Standing your ground depends on what color is standing3- God's law? Which ones4- Guys they've f**ked, no! They're not politicians5- Knocked her out, in a straight manly way6- LoLo is so slow7- Met a senator and lived to tell about it8- Buy 'Merican

1- Michael Sam is gay but it’s the NFL execs that are punks2- Hey Michael, please assault someone to prove you belong3- Media accuses media of media circus during media circus4- MSNBC, stop it5- Repubs can't create laws while busy creating fake websites6- Hello Florida, living to grow up is a basic human right, stand on that

1- What would MLK think today2- He’d think Palin was funny too3- Chris Christie or Chris Soprano4- Rodman goes to rehab5- NSA rules are a secret6- Superbowl is set7- Men like breasts, bet you didn’t know that8- Michelle Obama is 50

1- I resolve to get fat2- It's cold outside. Back to you Jim3- You'll fly where we say when we say now pay your fees4- Bridgegate is not a gate5- News that's not news6- Saturday Night Live hires black woman Texas hires Black coach old white man is angry7- Finally, I can drive while black

Merry Christmas...give someone a goat

1- I was in Jakarta2- I almost gave up on evil until we hit a new low3- Ted Cruz liked Mandela on Facebook4- Stuart Varney tired of Pope and this whole help the poor thing5- I finally agree with the right, Jesus, get back here

1- Obama es no bueno2- We don’t like him but boy is he powerful3- Christian+ Patriot+ militia = meeting secret service4- No its not race, you racist5- When you get away with it, shut up6- Fight the war on Christmas, get to a mall

1- Healthcare.gov the same as Katrina except for the dead and homeless people2- Chris Christy is not approved by conventional racist homophobes3- Dave Wilson wants to be black Well watch out for the police4- Melissa Bachman is not related to Michelle Bachman which is even scarier because now we know there's 2 of them5- Tips are cash not advice or your close minded hate6- There seemed to be no hope until bat kid rescued all of us

From the Outside Looking In1- Live from Canada2- Mayors on crack3- Reasonable Republican?4- Suzanne's blonde moment5- Unlikely supporter6- Go Clippers7- Rule 62

We’re Movin! Are we movin fwd or backward? I dunno but we are movinFwd Darrel Wallace wins at NASCARBackward Shopping at Barneys? Bring your pay stubBackward Voting rights lawsFwd Judge admits he screwed up on voting rights lawsHOPE kids react to Cheerios commercial

Have a plan, whether you...1-shut down the government2-legalize weed or3-watch the end of daysPlease, Have a plan

1- Shut em down! Shut ‘em, Shut ‘em Down2- Man up and shut down everything3- Uh fellas, the heatlh care law still went into effect4- Approval rating? Congress loses to president, of Russia5- Race to the bottom and we all lose

1-Another mass shooting, business as usual2-New gun laws, No Gun laws, No new gun laws3-Take guns from mentally ill? Hell they won’t take them from the blind4- Nothing changes if Nothing changes from cops to congress5- Another scary black man shot6- Defund Obamacare or we will shut down the government, again, no really, this time we mean it, sort of, we will,7- Beanie Babies in trouble8- Crime doesn’t pay Video games about crime pay a fortune9 -Texas says, Science , we don’t need no stinking science10- I’m going on cruise and ill be back cuz its not Carnival

1- Sanity in Syria US and Russia agree to let UN inspect and destroy weapons to avoid airstrikes and save face2- This week I’m going with stupid and sports3- Zimmerman at it again altercation with wife and father in law IPad smashed Zimmerman hitting head again he’s always hit in head and of course no charges filed. He’s neighborhood watch captain its time to move out of neighborhood4- Iowa says its ok for blind people to carry guns in public, my question, why is it not ok for blind people to drive to range or on the hunting trip Oh I forgot, there’s an eye test for drivers license but not for gun ownership5- Oklahoma state players I didn’t go to study I went to play football. Sports Illustrated reports that tutors did work for athletes (yawn) nothing new Dez Bryant cheated in college, really, the player that set a new NFL low for being arrested for domestic violence against his MOTHER didn’t go to class, I’ll be damned Les Miles the former coach and T Boone Pickens the billionaire of course deny allegations you can see where the players would be lying, not the coach that went to an even bigger job or the billionaire who built stadium6- Johnny Manziel 3 touchdowns after his half game suspension 464 yards against Alabama, I guess his autograph is worth something. The ultimate hypocrisy CBS has Johnny cam to follow just him on field but, he shouldn’t get paid…7- Von Miller suspended for driving without license while on suspension for substance abuse c’mon Von, hit somebody and score the triple8- What did you do last night Floyd Mayweather made 41 million dollars? Stay in school kids9- Coach K madly in love with Beyoncé Introduces self after giving speech Cool coach is a mess, how fine is she10- Miss Kansas has ink, I love it HOT and from Kansas who’d of guessed

1- Was that Obama or Bush I heard?2- Confounded Confederates3- Missouri out to shoot constitution4- Pro football is back, in college

Listen to Alonzo's appearance on NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS on http://Laffster.com!

1- Pray for Mississippi2- Anti Obamacare is getting sick3- I’ll sue you to charge me more cuz I’m crazy4- Wal Mart people, pay & problems5- NCAA may have to free indentured servants, I mean college athletes6- A Rod hits the guy who hit him7- The Butler

1- Cecil Gaines, The Butler2- North Carolina moving backwards3- Virginia staying backwards4- Texas, well theyre just Texas5- Damn constitution stopped a frisky Bloomberg6- Someone please save Chicago7- Deficit is dropping Both sides anxious to take credit for not giving credit8- Oprah dissed, may buy Stitzerland9- You can’t name your kid Messiah, just ask God

1- Why Blame A-Rod2- The Steroid era A few good years3- Youre not conservative enough Stop Reading4- A Weiner by any other Name5- The artist known as Jay-Z6- Goodbye George Duke, Thanks

1- I Love Montreal2- Carlos Danger for Mayor3- You need a therapist, or Jesus depends on which side your on4- My boss made my annual salary TODAY5- White Supremacist named black quits I can’t make that up6- How many babies can you afford7- Baseball and juice8- Baby Prince George who I don’t care about but must mention by law9- Surfers riot no, really, they did. dude, wtf????

1- No one does a good job2- Especially not Florida lawmakers and juries3- Good luck black teenagers it aint going to be easy4- Texas, still crazy after all these years

1- Suspect in North Carolina2- Trayvon was in better shape than Zimmerman, so?3- Where’s the Outrage New title for my TV special? Nope , a real question4- Kids aren’t driving,5- Long John Silver Wins6- Dwight Howard Taking talents to Houston7- You thought you were a sports fan?8- The great Flip Flop Controversy. I found the outrage

1- Recording a live show? STOP IT2- Gays Getting hitched Humans , not Bert and Ernie3- Haters hatin4- Got gay marriage right now lets work on that race thing5- Quickest trial ever6- Black kids have super powers?7- Curtis Flowers, 0 for 68- Sorry Lauryn , you gotta pay9- Test the Farmers10- Aaron Hernandez you should watch CSI11- 128 vs 12912- Condolences to families of firefighters

1- I’m back , no music listener inputs and some funny added2- LA Press Club dinner EXTRA EXTRA Carl Reiner says I am “F**king Outstanding”3- 3 Discrimination no longer exists Well at least not in places that used to discriminate4- Trevon Martin family glad discrimination no longer exists because judging by this jury…5- Sarah is back and the Momma Grizzly doesn’t want illegals in her den6- 1% of1% says you don’t matter7- Get that kid a shotgun8- CONGRATS LeBron and the HEAT

1- Theres gonna be some changes around here2- Which way do I go3- Bachman steps down maybe smart is winning4- Rasslers offend Tea baggers5- Don’t stare at me6- DNA collection ok Nancy Grace ecstatic7- Heat Heat Heat

1- Its Scandal season, personally, I miss SARS2- Benghazi, Ben Messy what happens when secret source is a liar and you are a sucker3- AP Phone records who knew they hated Obama more than they love foiling plots4- House votes against Obamacare, its only the 37th time you voted against a law approved by supreme court , way to not waste time & money5- Banks play morality card , no really, ,the bankers used the word morality, c’mon, stop it, you’re killing me6- And you thought Bachman was crazy, well she is, but we can top her

1- Bengahzi, evil? Couldn’t be Cheyney wasn’t there, its just good ole American incompetence2- Rt wing radio is in trouble Hey Rush, the slut is winning3- Cleveland heroes, rescues and loads of laughs Lebron is not involved4- Ariel Castro gonna find out what imprisonment is5- Hey HLN Nancy Grace is missing, sorry, wishful thinking6- Tiger is back , thanks Lindsay7- ATM robbery a true movie style caper, a plot where’s Tom Cruise8- Hey Bachman before the constitution talked about guns they talked about religious freedom You should read that thing9- Ok Texas the candidate is not American and you cannot vote

1- You know its gonna be a bad day when2- Jason Collins first gay athlete KUDOS sir3- Chris Broussard homophobe, hypocrite, christian ? Hey ESPN give him Sunday & every other day off4- Guns Gins Guns 3 sides of a coin5- You might be an idiot when you have redneck day6- Thug goat? Really Mountain dew, a thug goat?7- Obama is hilarious8- And Sarah Palin hates him for it9- 29% believe in armed rebellion, and santa clause10- Secede already, go, no really, go, take your guns and we’ll keep our rules11- Anne Hathaway glad to hear we really hate Gwyneth Paltrow more

1- Boston Bombing2- No news is news the Post Cnn Fox we don’t have news so we’ll make some up3- Fertilizer explosion in Texas, no one heard it4- Lets arm the babies Its never too soon5- Kermit Gosnell , killer6- We left the natives sand? Lets take it7- Flight’s delayed, you’ve been sequestered8- A great judge administers great justice9- LA traffic worst in country We win again10- Go CLIPPERS11- RIP Jonathan Winters we’ll miss you

1- Kidneys gone, I’m good Thanks2- Welcome to Louisiana have a drink get ur gun3- North Dakota says at conception you are a person with rights except the right to choose4- Don Young calls em Wetbacks Obama calls her beautiful Same thing right?5- Boycott FOX news about time that left wing FOX is exposed6- Religion is like a penis, Do not pull it out in public7- Science says universe is 13.82 billion years old Palin is sticking with 50008- Plan B with no ID9- RIP Margaret Thatcher10- Ben Carson the new great black hope11- Congrats Rick Pitino and Louisville greatest week ever12- Brittney Griner to NBA? Uh NO13- Tiger will master Masters14- Psst, need an Accord?Apr 10, 2013

1- CPAC good to know Sarahs still crazy2- New Pope is new CEO3- Sanjaya singing in the subway4- Lock up Lindsay with OJ and let us watch5- Tigers back & hes got a new blonde to prove it6- March Madness7- 2013 from 1988’s eyesMar 21, 2013

1- Have you been sequestered yet? Not sure? Well don’t ask me2- US to broker peace in Middle east Of course we cant get along in DC , lets solve the holy war3- Hate groups up 800% Who says Obama doesn’t promote growth4- Burn down the ‘burbs5- Teachers carry guns in South Dakota, Duck6- Here come the drones Here a drone there a drone everywhere a drone drone7- Baby cured of aids, finally , some good news8- Do you hate Anne Hathaway? You should9- Hate her on twitter, that’s what its there for Mar 12, 2013

1- Sequester Dis, once again the government will shut down & world will end, or not2- Its my idea, no its your idea well I wont budge oh yeah, yeah The 2nd graders are at it again3- Tea Party so crazy even Karl Rove is fighting them4- How crazy? Lets do away with elections crazy5- Post truth journalism, welcome to brietbart.com6- fact is we’ve already saved 84 billion but who needs facts7- LA Traffic the worst in other shocking news water is wet8- Oscar, watch your step9- Rodman the diplomat, still not as crazy as tea party Feb 28, 2013