Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

Do you remember cute little seven year old actress Drew Barrymore and her role in the 1982 blockbuster movie, ET. The Extra Terrestrial? Now a forty-two year old mother of two girls, Olive, age twelve, and Frankie, age ten, Barrymore is working like all of us to figure out how to navigate the world of smartphones and social media with her kids. After weighing the pros and cons, she decided to take away her daughter’s phone. A few weeks ago, she posted this on an Instagram post entitled, Phone Home. “I am writing in a very vulnerable way to put myself out there as a parent. And well, it’s personal for me. I wished many times when I was a kid that someone would tell me no. I wanted so badly to rebel all the time, and it was because I had no guardrails. I had too much access and excess.” Barrymore goes on to describe how she wound up institutionalized, which served her as a hard-core reset. Parents, are you willing to step in to cut down on digital access and excess?

The recently released U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents tells us that forty one percent of parents say that most days they are so stressed that they cannot function. Did you hear that? That’s four out of ten parents! At the end of the report, there is an action section which lists what parents and caregivers can do to reverse this trend. Three of the suggestions struck me as things that can happen in the context of our church ministries. First caring for yourself is a part of caring for your family. Are you sitting under the preaching and teaching of God’s Word, attending worship, and engaging in daily times with the Lord? Second, the report encourages nurturing connections with other parents and caregivers. Are you connecting with other parents in your church for fellowship, prayer, and support. Finally, empower yourself with information about mental health care. Are you going to the Scriptures to find rest and encouragement for your soul?

Back in the school days of today’s parents and grandparents, one’s thirst was quenched by a visit to one of a school’s many wall-mounted water fountains, and you sometimes had to wait in line! While bottled water has been around in some form since the sixteen-hundreds, it wasn’t until 1994 that Pepsi began test-marketing it’s filtered water brand, Aquafina. Now, single use plastic bottles are everywhere, and many schools have shut down the communal drinking fountain. Now, kids see their water-drinking habits as an opportunity to make an identity statement through personalized fifty dollar water bottles. Last year it was Stanley that reigned. Now, Stanley is so yesterday, with the Owala, Hydro Flask, and Lululemon bottles bringing the status. Parents, the water-bottle craze offers you a great opportunity for spiritual nurture, as you help your kids understand the push and pull of peer pressure, the influential power of marketing, and the need to find identity in Christ, and not a water bottle!

In his classic old book, “With Christ in the School of Prayer”, Andrew Murray offers us some sage advice that should spark our own regular self-reflection. It’s also advice we can pass on to our kids as we teach them to engage in self-reflection, both now and for the rest of their lives. Murray writes this: “The tone of my life during the day is God’s criterion of what I really am and desire.” What Murray was saying is that how I live moment by moment – the choices I make, the things I say, how I spend my time, and how I spend my money – all of those things speak loudly about who and what I worship. Regardless of what I might say, my life offers clear and unmistakable evidence of who I am and what I worship. I don’t know about you, but that causes me to pause and really consider whether I am truly endeavoring to follow Jesus Christ. Parents, your kids are watching you, and the tone of your life during the day will become their guideline for who they should be and what they should really desire. All of us must take up our cross and follow Jesus daily.

Today I want to speak to the mothers who are listening. If you know anything at all about today’s youth culture, you are aware that your daughters are facing tremendous body image pressure. As a result, all kinds of disordered eating have reached epidemic proportions among children and teens. If you’ve watched television, been on social media, or seen magazine covers you have a pretty good idea where much of this body image pressure comes from. But what many moms forget is that they can be a source of body image pressure as well. Every mother out there has been hammered by the body image pressure present in our culture. Consequently, your own words and example can actually fuel the same pressures in your daughters. In fact, experts at the Mayo Clinic say that Moms are probably the most important influence on a daughter’s body image. Mom, where do you find your identity? By finding your identity in Christ, you will help your kids to do the same.

Several years ago I began to notice ringing in my ears. Known as Tinnitus, I would describe my experience as souding like someone is blowing a never-ending high-pitched whistle in my ears. My issues come, I think, from listening to loud music earlier in my life. My concern for today’s children and teens has been fueled by a recent article in the BMJ Public Health Journal. A review of available evidence is showing that video gamers may be risking irreversible hearing loss and persistent ringing and buzzing in their ears due to exposing themselves to unsafe sound levels as they play their games. Wearing gaming headphones increases the risks. Research points to the fact that anything over eighty-five decibels can lead to hearing damage. Some video game sound levels can reach bursts of one hundred nineteen decibels, which is as loud as a bulldozer or motorbike. Parents, teach your kids to steward their bodies and hearing to God’s glory by turning down the volume.

How much money would you need to be happy? That’s the question The Harris Poll asked over two-thousand Americans over the age of eighteen from multiple generations, and the results are surprising, or maybe not. The survey found that almost six out of ten respondents think that happiness can be bought, and that the average person believes that they would have to have one-point-two million dollars in the bank to be truly happy. In addition, the average respondent thinks they would need to earn – fasten your seatbelt! – two-hundred-and-eighty-five-thousand dollars a year to be happy. What was most surprising to me was that Millennials, the generation born between 1981 and 1996, believe they would need to earn five-hundred-and-twenty-five-thousand dollars a year to be happy! Experience tells us the truth: that those who have a lot, are never happy and always want more. Ecclesiastes five ten reminds us, “Those who love money will never have enough.” Let’s tell our kids to pursue Christ and not money.

As he closes out his second letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul writes this: “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.” Paul’s desire for the Corinthians is the desire we should have for ourselves, that we are constantly working to be sure that we are staying on course as we progress in our growth in the Christian faith. I recently read this great suggestion from Donald T. Williams. He writes, “Whenever I am tempted to think that my sanctification is progressing rather well, I ask myself the following questions. Do I yet obey Jesus the way he deserves to be obeyed? Do I yet trust Jesus the way he deserves to be trusted? Do I yet love Jesus the way he deserves to be loved?” As Christian parents, we need to constantly be looking into the mirror as our lives are illuminated under the truths of God’s Word. These questions are so helpful, and they are questions we must teach our kids to ask of themselves for the rest of their lives.

Not a day goes by when I don’t hear or see one advertisement for an online sports gambling platform. With the Major League Baseball season gearing up your local broadcasts will mention not only what’s happening on the field, but the odds on a host of things occurring in the game along with an invitation to put money on anything and everything. Add to this the promotions and bonuses for signing up, and it’s no surprise that our kids are drawn into online sports gambling through the apps. And, while there are age restrictions, there’s nothing stopping kids from lying about their age and getting involved. Parents surveyed regarding their concerns about the risks of online betting for teens ages fourteen to eighteen put debt, gambling addiction, a ruined credit score, and drug and alcohol abuse at the top of their list. Teach your kids that God has promised to provide for our needs. He doesn’t instruct us to gamble to get it. Rather, we are to work to meet our needs and to bring glory to Him.

Besides warning our kids about the spiritual and legal issues related to underage drinking, we must also warn them about the damage that underage drinking does to their still not-fully-formed brains. In today’s world, more and more kids are engaging in binge drinking. That is, consuming five or more drinks in a period of two hours. Researchers have now found conclusive evidence that drinking during adolescence can lead to structural damages in the brain that can easily result in memory and cognitive deficits that can persist into adulthood. In other words, drinking as a child or teen can effect the brain even if the person stops drinking as they go through life. Parents, talk to your kids about the dangers of drinking, and encourage them to be good stewards who care for their God-given bodies. Warn them about the dangers of exposure to high doses of alcohol during their adolescent years. What they choose to do now can and will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Kristen Jenson at defendyoungminds.com wrote an article entitled, Today’s Porn Industry: Five Things Every Parent Needs to Know. Parents, as you engage in continued conversations with your kids about the dangers and sinful nature of this horribly broken and addicting expression of God’s good gift of sexuality, keep in mind these warnings from Jenson. First, the porn industry is complicit with the sex trafficking of minors, rape, and pedophilia. Porn has become synonymous with sex crimes. Second, the pornography industry makes hard-core pornography available for free. If it doesn’t find your kids, your kids will find it. Third, pornography normalizes incest, racism, and violence to women. Fourth, the porn industry is a mainstream big corporate business. Yes, computer scientists, lawyers accountants, and HR execs are all a part of the scheme. And finally, the porn industry is doing all they can to deny the truth, to disinform, and to defame their critics. Parents, protect your kids from pornography.

One of my favorite memories of childhood was reaching the age where from time to time, my parents would allow me to sleep over at a friends house. I remember the joy of staying up late, watching movies, and eating pizza with a group of buddies. My kids experienced sleepovers as well. In today’s world, there’s a movement away from sleepovers that I think is warranted. We live in a world where we’re learning more and more about predators and sexual abuse. When a child is a victim of sexual abuse, ninety percent of them know their attacker. Half of those known abusers are family members, and the other half are acquaintances and friends. Prudence should cause us to err on the side of caution. The truth is that once kids are asleep, they are doing something they could also be doing at home. Now parents, are okaying what’s called “sleepunders”, where the kids get picked up at bedtime, or when their parents are done visiting together. Parents, don’t live in fear, but exercise wisdom.

The first question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism is this: “What is the chief end of man?” I have found that the answer informs all that we are and everything we do in our lives. The answer is this: “To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Everything we do in life is an act of worship, and everything we do in life should be done to glorify God. This includes how we drive. This should cause us to think about the speed we drive, how we react to and interact with other drivers, and how we respond to traffic jams and slowdowns when we are in a hurry. Parents, as the one’s who train our kids to drive, it’s about more than how to operate an automobile. New findings from the 2023 Drowsy Driving Survey from the National Sleep Foundation found that one in six teens report driving drowsy during their first two years behind the wheel, and most believe that drowsy driving is not as dangerous while driving drunk or distracted. Parents, this is an aspect of driver training we mustn’t avoid.

In the past, you’ve heard me mention the results of initial research regarding the difference between reading text on a printed page, versus reading text on a screen. Researchers found that there is a fundamental difference between the two, as eye scans show that those who read on the printed page read line by line, and those who read on a screen tend to skip over text while looking for keywords. A new study looked at screen and print reading differences among children ages ten to twelve, that three year period which is most critical in reading development. This is the time when students shift from learning to read, to reading to learn. The initial findings indicate a greater depth of processing when reading from the printed page. Deeper comprehension and deeper learning occur. Since more and more kids are reading off screens, this could indicate the declines in text comprehension skills of thirteen year olds. Parents, don’t throw out the books. And most of all, keep your kids reading printed Bibles.

Why do so many parents tiptoe gingerly around their children in today’s world? More and more parents are afraid to step up, take the reins, and assume their God-given position of authority. Instead, parents have become like butlers, available to wait on and serve their kids’ every desire and whim. Fearing rejection, we sometimes go against our better judgment and God’s design to say yes when we should be saying no. God established the family with a pecking order. Those who are older and wiser are charged with the duty of raising, nurturing, and protecting those who are young and not-so- wise. In other words, parents are to parent their children. Dad, mom: you have a God-given responsibility to love your teenager, to guide them through life, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their well-being. This means that there are times when you will have to teach your kids God’s will and way by saying no. Parent your teenagers to the glory of God!

With the advent of the internet and online pornography, the male to female gap on pornography exposure and use has been closing. The latest research indicates that fifty-seven percent of females ages fourteen to eighteen have viewed pornography. Pornhub states that over one-third of their global viewership was female in 2022, which is an increase of fifty-one percent since 2014. A survey conducted by the she recovery.com pornography support site for women offers up some sobering statistics on age of first exposure. Over eleven percent of the female respondents said they were first exposed to pornography at seven years old or younger, and forty-seven percent said their first exposure was between eight to twelve years old. By the time they were seventeen, over three-quarters had viewed pornography. We need to teach our kids to avoid the undoing that comes with viewing fallen expressions of God’s good gift of sex and sexuality. Parents, teach your kids from a young age.

There are two phrases in Scripture that we must pay attention to, understand, and teach to our kids. They are, “In this life”, and “In the end.” These two phrases are so helpful in giving us a proper perspective on the difficult things we will face in this world. When we read the Bible we learn that in this life there will be pain, sorrow, disease, discord, decay, death, and a host of other realities. This life is filled with all kinds of things as a result of human sin and the world not being the way its supposed to be. Be we do not live as those who have no hope. You see, in the end will be the glorious restoration of all things to the way they are supposed to be. And so, we will find ourselves living now with both heartache and hope as we groan with all creation for that day when our mourning will be turned into dancing! Are you teaching your kids to live their lives in light of eternity? Or, are you leaving them to a cultural narrative which encourages them to live as they wish for the moment?

One of the greatest gifts I received in my life was the gift of an active and involved father. My father not only took the time to be around and spend time with me, but to teach me about Jesus and what it means to live with Christ as the Lord of my life. Those were great benefits to having a loving and involved father. But there’s more! Researchers tell us that when a dad gets involved in his child’s life, that child will learn more, perform better in school, and exhibit healthier behavior. Children with involved dads have fewer emotional and behavioral problems in adolescence. Teens who feel close to their dads grow up to have healthier marriages. And girls who have a strong relationship with their dad during their teenage years move into adulthood without as many psychological issues and distresses. Dads, your heavenly father has given you the gift of your children. He has also given you to them as a gift. Love your children as you’ve been loved by your heavenly father.

The Bible speaks from beginning to end about the presence and benefits of suffering. James tells us that we’re to “consider it all joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance,” which then leads to maturity. The teenage years bring difficulty for both teenagers and their parents. As a result, we can experience the joy of going deeper with God and depending on him during the challenges of adolescence. We’ve learned that the harder the difficulty, the deeper God is taking us. He wants us at the place where we drop our arms to our sides, look to him in desperation, and then confess, “Ok Lord, I’ve got nothing.” Suffering is a process God uses to refine us and our kids into His image and likeness. If we had to do it all over again as parents, would we change the circumstances that led us to suffering and helplessness? Absolutely not! It’s been a gift that’s taken us deeper in our dependence on Him.

In our good and necessary efforts to teach our kids God’s good creational design for sexuality and gender, I’m afraid that we can oftentimes unintentionally leave our kids less than compassionate towards those who are struggling with sex and gender confusion, or who are choosing to believe and live into the current cultural narrative. One of the things I tell parents is that we do not have a good history of treating those who believe and behave differently in ways that Christ would treat them. A recent survey found, not surprisingly, that self-identifying bisexual, gay, and lesbian Americans report higher rates of bullying than those who are heterosexuals. Thirty-five percent of heterosexuals report being bullied during their teen years, while fifty-six percent of gay or lesbian, and sixty-two percent of bisexuals report being bullied as teens. We must teach our kids to recognize sin, but to also be compassionate to all of God’s divine image-bearers.

Ever since teenage drug abuse ramped up in the nineteen sixties, schools, mental health professionals, the government, and parents have all been working to stem the tide of abuse and addiction. One of the greatest concerns has been the very real risk of death from drug overdose. I’m guessing that all of us have been touched by overdose death, perhaps in our families or circle of friends. Sadly, the latest research tells us that drug overdose deaths among teens more than doubled between twenty nineteen and twenty twenty, and this, in spite of the fact that there was also a decline in teen drug use. We also know that Fentanyl is now involved in at least seventy five percent of teen overdose deaths. With drug suppliers now mixing fentanyl in with other drugs, we need to exercise greater diligence in warning our kids about drug abuse. Pray that your teens would have a heart bent on following God, and that He would spare them from the scourge of illicit drugs.

I’ve always been fascinated by reports that deliver data on how values, attitudes, and behaviors have changed from one generation to another. The American Enterprise Institute recently released a report that had some discouraging and some encouraging news. For my generation of baby-boomers, fifty-four percent, reported drinking alcohol or smoking pot or cigarettes occasionally during their teen years. For Gen Z, born between 1997 and 2012, that number has decreased to thirty-two percent. This is encouraging news that should drive us to keep our prevention efforts moving forward. The discouraging news is that while seventy one percent of Baby Boomers attended religious services during their teen years, that number has dropped to fifty-two percent for those from Gen Z. Parents, our greatest desire for our kids is to see them grow up to become faithful followers of Jesus Christ. Being an active member of a church should be part of their teen experience.

Over the course of the last couple of years, I, like you, have seen countless television commercials for law firms inviting viewers to engage in lawsuits for a variety of causes, many times because of exposure to contaminants at Camp LeJeune, or for illnesses like Mesothelioma. I’ve often times turned to my wife to tell her that we are not far from seeing the same kinds of ads pop up for those who were encouraged and perhaps forced into gender transitioning steps by parents, medical doctors, educators, and others. The reality is that several suits are now in progress, and there are law firms working to announce their willingness to represent detransitioners who want to sue those who lied about the dangers of these medical interventions. Parents, this reminds us of our need to not only advocate for our kids with sensibility, but to do so from a biblical perspective. At creation, God made two genders, and he has created all people to live into the gender that was given at conception.

For our kids, especially our girls, there is an ever-present pressure causing them stress and anxiety that is undermining their mental and physical health. The pressure I’m talking about is the pressure they feel to conform their body shape and weight to appearance standards that value thinness as the passport to acceptance. Because this pressure is so strong during adolescence, our teens are vulnerable to not only feeling the pressure, but trying to answer the pressure by enlisting the dangerous practice of using weight-loss products. Over six percent of American teens report using a weight-loss product in the last thirty days, with instances that are higher among girls. Researchers say there’s a correlation between the use of these products in girls with low self-esteem, parental influence to lose weight, self-body dissatisfaction, and peer groups that value thinness. Parents, buffer the pressure by helping your kids value the development of their insides, rather than their outsides.

In the past you’ve heard me say that roughly seventy-percent of our kids who play organized sports drop out by the age of thirteen. One of the main reasons cited is the pressure they feel from parents and coaches, a pressure that becomes unbearable and which drains the fun out of playing the sport. Now that we live in a social media saturated world, there seems to be a new reason for our kids to drop out of sports. A recent survey found that kids are dropping out due to the fact that they don’t think their bodies measure up to the idealized athletic body types they are seeing on social media. Researchers found that kids who had concluded they didn’t have the right body were defining the right body by what they saw on TikTok and Instagram. Not surprisingly this reason for dropping out was cited more often by our girls than by our boys. Parents, we need to promote the value of Godly character over body type, and we need to encourage our kids to play and have fun.

I remember what a qualified parenting expert I used to be. In fact, I was at my best in knowing how to parent correctly before I even had kids. And then our kids came. I had a lot of repenting to do, and I also needed to know where to look for the best advice. My bookshelf is filled with Christian parenting books that helped us along the way as we were raising our own kids. We also went to our parents for advice on many of the everyday tasks of parenting that sometimes left us confused and looking for help. Researchers at the University of Michigan are reporting that parents are now bypassing advice from their parents along with parenting books. Instead, and not surprising, they are going to social media for guidance on potty training, sleep issues, and child discipline. Here’s the rub: you can find anything on social media, and how do we know it’s trustworthy? We recommend that you navigate social media with caution, and filter any advice you receive through the lens of God’s Word.

I recently had to double-back to my office after leaving for the day. I found myself in a bit of a panic as I had left my smartphone on my desk. Truth be told, there was a part of me feeling that if I was not reunited with my phone, things could go bad very quickly. When I came to my senses, I realized that I had spent roughly two-thirds of my life without a smartphone, and the reality was that life was fine, and even better, in those good old land-line-only days. While our smartphones are helpful, there are so many ways in which they undermine our well-being. One such issue in today’s world is the issue of phones in school. One school district in Virginia found that about a third of the district’s teachers were telling kids to put their phones away five to ten times during a class period. Fifteen percent had to do so more than twenty times a class. Our kids physical, mental, and academic health is suffering. How is it affecting their spiritual health? Parents, we need to set limits!

As a dad, I remember the concern I felt as my daughters started to enter puberty and transform according to God’s good design, from little girls into women. I knew that with the shift through adolescence they would face new pressures in a world that puts a premium on body image, sexuality, and appearance. We worked hard to prepare them, buffer them, and guide them through this stage, all the while endeavoring to lead them more deeply into a relationship with Jesus Christ. According to the latest research, those of you raising girls need to be on high alert at earlier ages, as the new data shows that puberty is starting earlier, with girls developing breasts as young as age six or seven. While not all the reasons are known, researchers have seen links with childhood obesity, exposure to environmental chemicals, and stress. While it might make you uncomfortable, we need to be having conversations about Godly sexuality and body image at younger and younger ages.

One of the best lessons I learned from my parents is that there is more to life than sitting around and doing nothing. My parents were available to us on those quiet evenings when it would have been easy to plop down in front of the tube. But they always had something fun to do. We would play board games or cards, wrestle or box with my dad, build models, work in the basement woodshop, etc. Sure we watched TV, listened to the radio, and played records. But those voices were tempered by the involvement of our parents in our lives. We even learned to enjoy listening to our parents; there was good communication taking place. Because I had such fun-loving parents most of the neighborhood kids wanted to spend time at my house. In today’s world, the two greatest distractions to family time and fun are first, a full schedule of organized activities, and second, everyone keeping their faces buried in their phones. Make an effort to connect by disconnecting from the distractions.

I recently read a Touchstone Magazine interview with Princeton University professor Dr. Robert George, where he warns Christians about buying into the concepts of sexual orientation and gender identity. He says that these categories are modern inventions. He goes on to say that it has very bad consequences if we enable Christians who experience same-sex desire or gender dysphoria, which as a matter of feeling is a reality”, that it actually is reality. He says that we should never ridicule those who struggle as they do deserve our care. He writes, “They need to be told the truth. And it’s not telling them the truth to say that, ‘well, your gender identity is female while your sex is male.” The ninth commandment tells us that we shall not bear false witness, or lie, to our neighbor. Parents, this couldn’t be more important for us to embrace as we interact with our children in a world of gender confusion. Tell them the truth about who God made them to be.

I recently read a piece in the New York Times written by Callie Holterman. The headline read, “In candy shades and eggy shapes, many of today’s most popular vaping devices look like toys. Experts worry they will hook a new generation of users.” After reading the article, I went online to look through one of the many online vape outlets that serve as clearinghouses for a host of vaping devices and supplies. I was greeted with everything Holterman’s article discussed, along with four hundred and twenty different products from which to choose. I was invited to shop by brand or type, along with an option for shopping by flavor, with flavors listed being too long to mention here, but including things like Banana, Grape, Lush Ice, and Blue Razz. . . all designed to attract new young users. Parents, you need to know that vaping is not a safe alternative to smoking conventional cigarettes. They are addictive and dangerous. Teach your kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory.

The law of cause and effect is a universal law which states that for every single action in the universe, a reaction is produced no matter what. I’ve seen the principle of cause and effect active in my own life in so many ways. For example, when I eat more, I gain weight. And conversely, when I eat less and exercise more, I lose weight. As we approach the twenty-year mark since the advent of smartphones, we’re learning more about cause and effect as it relates to technology. New research from the dcdx marketing firm reports that seventy three percent of young people ages fifteen to seventeen report sometimes or always feeling alone. This rise parallels a rise in the amount of screentime. It’s not a stretch to conclude that more time spent with screens means less time with people, thereby leading to loneliness. The triune God has made us for relationships, first and foremost with him, and then with family and friends. Help your kids disconnect in order to reconnect with others.

In today’s world, one of the ways in which we divide people into groups and rate their value is according to their jobs. Parents, we have to teach our kids something different. I love these words of truth from Abraham Kuyper: "Preachers and plumbers aren't any different. What God requires of them each is the same: not a dime's less than everything. Missionaries are no more holy than factory workers or soccer players or the unemployed. Life, lived near unto God, is holy service. . . Whether you do art, bus tables, lay concrete, clean toilets, bring up kids, care for the elderly, perform brain surgery, pump gas, clean teeth, play football, or shine shoes - no matter what you do - do it to his honor and glory. After all, our life is a whole, the component parts of which - play, duty, leisure - must be wrapped in our love like a present, then laid at the feet of our God." Parents, God has gifted your children in unique ways. Teach them to live into their gifts, that all work matters to God, and all work brings him glory!

The Genesis eleven story of the tower of Babel is one we need to pay attention to in our social media saturated world. In his book, This World is Not My Home, Mark Johnston writes that man’s motive behind the vast tower of Babel efforts was, as we read in Genesis eleven four, “to make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.” Johnston continues, “the Babel instinct in the human psyche has lingered on through the entire history of our race. From man’s attempts to literally build a name for himself by constructing great works of architectural genius, to his efforts to establish kingdoms and empires, human beings have tried to secure themselves in their world through all manner of tangible means. We try to build our own little worlds without God through our careers, achievements, families, and other things in the hope they will provide the security and sense of identity we crave.” Parents, teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ alone.

“Are you in a relationship?” “do you have boyfriend?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “Are you dating anyone?” These are all questions from curious friends and relatives that teenagers have historically had to navigate as part of the adolescent and young adult experience. It’s not unusual for the answers given to leave members of the older generation scratching their heads. You see, the nature of romantic relationships and how they are navigated by kids has changed over the years. Now, let me confuse you even more with a new term that’s being used: situationship. A situationship is defined as a romantic relationship that lacks any kind of commitment or traditional norms. If you’re in a situationship, it can include spending time together, affection, and sexual activity. It’s been described as more than a friendship and less than a committed relationship. This new reality must prompt us to teach what God’s Word says about friendships, dating, sexuality, and the beauty of covenantal marriage.

Parents, there is some interesting news about teenagers and sex coming out of the University of California, San Francisco. Researchers asked four thousand adolescents from seven hundred and fifty one neighborhoods and one hundred and fifteen schools in Alabama, Texas, and California questions about the quality of their relationships in their homes and in their neighborhoods. Questions focused on how much time families and neighbors spend with one another. The research found that kids whose parents restricted their dating were fifty-five percent less likely to have sex by tenth grade. Other factors contributing to the decision to not have sex by tenth grade include spending less time at home alone, coming from a cohesive family, and living in a close-knit neighborhood. We shouldn’t be surprised that valuing and building up our families and relationships with our kids would have this result. God desires us to nurture our children in the faith, raising them in a Christian home.

If you attend a church that has coffee available on Sunday mornings, you might have noticed that there are more and more children and teens heading to the pots for a cup of the caffeine-infused beverage. Researchers at the C.S. Mott Children’s hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan are telling us that surveys of parents indicate that thirty-one percent of thirteen to eighteen year olds are drinking coffee regularly. We already know that our kids have been chugging down other types of caffeine infused drinks for years. It’s no surprise that average daily caffeine intake has risen among children and teens over the years. When asked why they are drinking more caffeine, kids cite the fact that caffeine is in many of the drinks they love, along with pressure from their peers. Last year, Starbucks earned twenty one million dollars from teens using their app. Too much caffeine is harmful to our kids. That’s why we need to teach them to steward their bodies to God’s glory.

In a recent edition of Salvo magazine, physician Bruce Woodall describes a conversation he had with one of his patients, a young middle school girl named Jessica. Struggling with how her body was changing Woodall had the opportunity to talk through Jessica’s sense that she was born in the wrong body, and that she was actually transgender. Woodall asked lots of questions, listened intently, and answered her questions with truth. He says Jessica is an example of how insecurity among the young is fertile ground for the transgender ideology. He concludes with these words: “For the kids to be alright, they need the presence and guidance of adults – caring, rational adults who are vigilant and ready to listen so that the young person feels heard and seen but who are also ready to provide calm, clear reasoning as to why they should doubt the whole premise of transgender ideology, rather than doubting the reality and goodness of their own bodies.”

Parents, today I want to encourage you to step back and take stock of the preaching ministry at your church. You see, we are living in a day and age when the cultural agenda is shaping the content of many sermons, when it should be the Word of God faithfully interpreted and preached that should be shaping our response to the culture. In his excellent book, “Faithful Leaders and the Things That Matter Most”, Rico Tice tells leaders that the preacher God approves of, according to second Timothy two fifteen, is the one who correctly handles the word of truth. Tice says that the faithful preaching of God’s Word will feed souls, while false teaching feeds on souls. He writes, “False teaching dazzles, then it distorts, then it diverts, and finally it destroys.” In order to faithfully fulfill our nurturing responsibilities as Christian parents, we need to be regularly fed as we sit under the faithful preaching of God’s Word. Are you at a church which upholds biblical authority?

Today, I want to mention a youth culture trend that is not only shaping the lives of children and teens, but adults as well. Specifically, I’ve seen this trend take root and grow among many who lead and guide kids, and who should know better. I’m talking about youth pastors. Just as our kids are pushed to promote themselves and pursue fame and a following through social media, the same pressure pushes on us. Youthworkers, Jesus spent his life pursuing faithfulness rather than fame. How would things change if we did the same? Are you caving to the pressure to build an online following and recognition? I think our ministries would thrive if we would stop this kind of nonsense. Wouldn’t it be freeing if we weren’t always worrying about and wasting time developing a following? I’m reminded of the words of my friend and youth ministry veteran Rich Van Pelt, “You take care of the depth of your ministry. Then, let Jesus take care of the breadth of your ministry.”

If you’ve got kids who play youth sports, and that’s true for the majority of parents these days, I want to share with you some words from Linda Flanagan in her excellent book, “Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports, and Why It Matters.” Flanagan writes, “Travis Dorsch heads a team at Utah State University that looks at how spending on sports affects families. His research found that the more money parents devote to a child’s sport, the less the child enjoys it, and the more pressure he or she feels. At the same time, the more parents pay, the more emotionally invested they become in the outcome of their child’s games. Children who understand that their parents might seek a return on the investment they’ve made lose their athletic verve. The intrinsic delight of playing gets squashed by parental pressures.” Parents, are you listening? There’s nothing wrong with youth sports. But when we idolize sports and our kids success, we are in the wrong, and it hurts them.

In recent months, we are hearing more and more stories of detransitioners who are renouncing and speaking out about their prior self-identification of being transgender. Research in the journal, Archives of Sexual Behavior, reports on interviews with seventy-eight individuals from the United States, ages eighteen to thirty-three who had stopped identifying as transgender at least six months prior to the interview. Their average age for first identifying as transgender was seventeen point one years of age, and they had done so for an average of five point four years before detransitioning. Eighty three percent had taken steps to transition socially, and sixty-eight percent had taken at least one medical step. Most reported that they had embraced the ideology because of prior mental health issues and trauma. They report better psychological health since detransitioning. These stories are becoming more widespread, and we shouldn’t be surprised.

David Adamovich is regarded as the worlds greatest knife thrower. He’s known as the “Great Throwdini,” and in his performances, he works with a “target girl’ who gets strapped to a spinning wheel. Adamovich then works to carefully throw his sharp and sparkling knives close to her head and body without hitting her. As I watched Adamovich do his thing, I wondered what was going through the head of his target girl. My guess is that she was thinking, “He’d better get this right!” And Adamovich had to be thinking, “I better get this right.” As parents we’d better get it right. This is especially true as we teach our kids about sex and sexuality in a culture where anything goes. The reality is that to get it right, we have to be true to the Scriptures interpreted correctly, and embraced and taught by the church over her long two-thousand year history. Parents, get it right by knowing and teaching the truths of God’s Word with accuracy and precision!

When Jesus told his followers the parable of the Good Samaritan, he wanted his listeners to know that if they had embraced their purpose in life to follow him, they would then view anyone in need as a neighbor. They would follow in the footsteps of the Samaritan who gave everything in response to the wounded man’s need. Those who are followers of Christ are called to self-sacrificing lives of compassion. The message of today’s market-driven world is the exact opposite. Instead of looking out for others, we are to look out for number one. In this kind of world, there is a decrease in generosity and an increase in selfishness. In this kind of world there is less concern for neighbor and more concern for self. In this kind of world there is a decline in civility. In this kind of world we do anything and everything possible – including using people as means to our ends – to get ahead of anyone and everyone else. This is not who we are called to be. Lead your kids to show the compassion of Christ.

When I was in elementary school, I remember pulling a stool up to the medicine cabinet in my grandparent’s bathroom in order to grab my grandfather’s old spice decanter, from which I would splash on a healthy dose of the cologne. Of course, I never got away with it due to everyone smelling the evidence of what I had done. In today’s world, Old Spice and other cheaper cologne brands like it are now frowned upon by our kids. Thanks to a new viral TikTok trend, what’s called smellmaxxing has boys as young as ten spending large amounts of money on designer colognes. Piper Sandler reports that teen boys’ annual spending on fragrances jumped twenty-six percent last year. The trend is being fueled by people like the young TikTok influencer known as the cologne boy who has well over a million followers. And once some kids buy in, peer influence leads others to follow. This new trend offers parents an opportunity to talk about identity, financial stewardship, and the trap of coolness.

It’s no secret that the arrival of the internet, the smartphone, and social media have made pornography easily accessible to all kids. Perhaps you’ve already seen and heard the evidence about the addictive nature of visual pornography, among both our boys and our girls. The folks at defendyoungminds.com are now sounding the warning about the proliferation of pornographic literature among our teenage girls, and what it’s not only doing to their minds, but to their beliefs and behaviors regarding God’s good gift of sexuality. The exposure to and use of erotic lit and lit porn is a gateway into pornography and the desensitization and sexualization that is taking place in our young girls. Parents, we encourage you to monitor what your kids are reading, along with what they are looking at online. Talk to your kids about the addictive and destructive nature of pornography, along with God’s good and glorious design for their sexuality. They are sexual beings, so nurture them properly.

Recently, my wife and I were having a conversation with a couple of single young women who were lamenting the fact that they were not yet married. We certainly didn’t want to discourage them, but we also didn’t want to encourage the cultural notion that in order to be happy and fulfilled, one must be married. We also didn’t want to encourage any false ideas that suggest that once you are married, you are in for smooth sailing. After our conversation, I got to thinking about our need to help our kids understand two things about marriage. First, God has designed and ordained marriage. He wants a man and a woman to commit to each other. But there’s a second side. We have to let our kids know that marriage is not a cure-all. In fact, when two broken people come together, they commit to living with the brokenness of another. But with God as the cement that keeps them committed and moving forward, marriage will be a blessed, yet sometimes difficult road.

Parents, as you help your kids learn how to steward their God-given bodies to His glory by maintaining their health, you need to keep in mind some new research findings from Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia regarding our kids and high blood pressure. Hypertension is a health issue here in the U.S., and you might surprised to learn that it’s not just a problem for adults. One in seven kids ages twelve to nineteen have hypertension. Traditionally, doctors have blamed being overweight and a lack of physical exercise as causal factors. But now, they are citing an additional cause: lack of adequate sleep. Did you know kids under the age of six need ten to thirteen hours of sleep per night for healthy growth and development? Kids ages six to twelve need nine to twelve hours a night. Those ages thirteen to eighteen need eight to ten hours per night. Take stock of how much sleep your kids are getting, and be sure that their phones are removed from their rooms overnight.

Today we conclude this week’s look at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. The strategy we need to address is one that is difficult, simply because it’s employed in times of deep family pain and hurt. It’s our need to respond redemptively to our kids’ sin, failures, and mistakes. All teens – like us – face temptation. And all teens – like us – will make dangerous and sinful choices. Your goal should be to help the kids you know and love redeem these situations by turning a sinful mistake into an opportunity for the teen to experience God’s grace, and become a more Christlike person. Don’t ever write off a teen or a difficult situation as irredeemable. Rather, treat your teen as you know your heavenly father treats you when you are the offending party. Difficult times will come. Parents, we are called to love and lead our kids to wholeness through repentance and restoration.

This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. One important strategy is to respond preventively to the negative cultural forces your kids face. As the parent of four children, I knew enough about young kids to know that they might wander into the street, talk to strangers, or reach for hot objects. As a result, I did my best to help them learn not to. Likewise, if we care about the spiritual health of our students, we should answer any faulty directions given by the map of today’s youth culture in a preventive fashion. We need to pass on valuable information we’ve learned about life so that our kids adopt values, attitudes, and behaviors that keep them from harm and provide for their well being. Parents, God has given you the responsibility to provide sound preventive guidance and direction to your kids. Think with them about how God wants them to live in His world.