Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

The late Dr. Paul Tournier, known by many as the twentieth century’s most famous Christian physician, wrote a book back in 1954 titled “The Meaning Of Persons” that offers some very helpful insights for today’s world as we try to figure out how to best navigate social media in healthy ways. Tournier said that we all have to recognize the disparity that exists between who we know ourselves to be on the inside, along with how we decide to present ourselves to other people. He calls this disparity the difference between what we know to be our person, and the personage we present to the world. Because social media allows us to create, fabricate, curate, and present a false self to our followers, this disparity can be especially wide in today’s world. Tournier says we become contradictory beings. The further apart our persons and our personages are, the greater will be our problems with mental health, for part of our lives will be lie. Could it be that this is at the heart of our kids mental health issues?

Today, I’d like to share with you a prayer from a little daily Scripture reading guide that I use titled “Seeking God’s Face.” This prayer is most timely for life in today’s world as each of us, young and old alike, works to navigate God’s good gift of sexuality to His glory and our good. Since sexual temptations are ever-present, this helpful short prayer is one that each of us can share with our kids. Here’s the prayer: “Covenant God, we know the well-worn path of sexual sin – a lingering look, a lustful desire, a wicked thought, a world of invitation, and finally the actual act. Single or married, keep us true to your intention for the bodies you gave, always honoring you and others in them. In Christ’s name. Amen.” Parents, I encourage you to help your kids understand not only the goodness of their sexuality, but the many ways in which our sinful and broken selves so easily go astray. Share with them the universality of sexual sin, and point them to the God who promised to give them a way out.

Sometimes some research comes along that confirms what we already know just from intuition. But we need to listen to that research as it reminds us of things that should be getting our attention. A new study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that chaotic home environments have a negative influence on family communication, specifically leading to reduced conversations and sharing between teenagers and their mothers. A chaotic home is one that breeds the kinds of unpredictability and tension that leads kids to clam up and avoid conversations. Parents, the responsibility to maintain peace in our homes falls on us. We need to eat together, engage in fun activities together, attend worship together, and pray together as we nurture our children in the faith. Our prayers must echo the words of this benediction: the Lord make his face to shine upon us, and be gracious to us. The Lord lift up His countenance upon us, and give us peace, this day and forever more.

Parents, do you struggle to figure out how to best guide your children and teens through the difficult realities of life in today’s world? If you do, you are not alone. Our rapidly changing world can leave our heads spinning. Dr. James Montgomery Boice offers up these words of advice and remedy that I have found to be personally helpful: Study the bible daily. We should discipline our lives to include regular periods of Bible study, just as we discipline ourselves to have regular periods for sleep, eating our meals, and so on. These things are necessary if the body is to be healthy and if good work is to be done. In the same way, we must feed regularly on God’s Word if we are to become and remain spiritually strong.” These helpful words from James Boice are a good guideline as we parent in today’s world. Only the regular study of God’s word can give us the perspective and wisdom we need to raise our kids in the midst of culture’s many pressures. Parents, point your kids to God’s unchanging word.

One of the most difficult issues parents find themselves navigating in today’s smartphone and social media saturated world relates to setting proper borders and boundaries for their kids when it comes to devices and online time. Many parents I run into lament putting a smartphone in the hands of their children and teens. Most did it for a couple of reasons. First, to know where their kids are and to keep them safe. And second, they don’t want their kids to feel left out when their circle of friends are all on smartphones and social media. I recently heard some great advice from actress Jennifer Garner regarding how she has kept her three kids, ages seventeen, thirteen, and eleven, off social media. She says, “I just said to my kids, show me the articles that prove that social media is good for teenagers, and then we’ll have the conversation. Find scientific evidence that matches what I have that says it’s not good for teenagers, then we’ll chat.” Parents, this is a great way to navigate this issue with your kids.

In today’s world, our kids are encouraged by the cultural narrative to live their lives at the level of their experiences and feelings. If a decision needs to be made or a belief is embraced, those decisions and beliefs should be based solely not on some outside authority, but on the authority of one’s own opinions. For the Christian, the only trustworthy authority is God’s unchanging Word. In his second letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul reminds timothy to embrace the Scriptures, which are able to make us wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.” Paul continues, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” Paul is telling all of us to submit our beliefs and behaviors to trustworthy authority of God’s Word. The late James Montgomery Boice says this: “We must evaluate our experiences by the Bible’s teaching, rather than the other way around.”

I recently read about a group that is working to address a growing issue facing families and schools. The organization is called the School Avoidance Alliance and it exists to address the issue of school avoidance, which is when a child refuses to attend school or has difficulty remaining in school the entire day. The alliance tells us that child motivated refusal to attend school or remain in class is not uncommon. In fact, school avoidance affects anywhere from five to twenty-eight percent of youth at some time. The listed causes include phobias, anxiety disorders of all types, ptsd, learning differences, bullying, and mental health issues. Because school avoidance is a sign of deeper issues, we suggest that you seek out the help of a qualified Christian counselor if school avoidance is an issue in your family. Don’t overlook the fact that Pointing school avoidant kids to reassuring Scriptures about God’s provision and protection is one necessary intervention strategy.

Sadly, alcohol use and abuse has been seen as a normal rite of passage for kids over the course of several generations. But do you know that aside from the moral and spiritual reasons to be concerned, there are a host of other reasons to be concerned about kids using alcohol? The folks at drugfree.org list the following reasons for concern. First, alcohol does damage to a teenager’s developing brain. Second, alcohol use leads to risky behaviors. Third, teens run the risk of drinking and driving while impaired, a habit that can end lives and change families forever. Fourth, alcohol use contributes to poor mental health and is a significant factor in youth suicide. Fifth, alcohol use can lead to chronic health problems. Sixth, there is the danger of alcohol poisoning, which can be fatal. And finally, there is always the risk of addiction. Parents, you have the greatest influence on your kids beliefs and the resulting behaviors. Warn them about the dangers of alcohol use, and set up clear boundaries.

Those of us who embraced the Christian faith during our childhood and teenage years have memories of how hard it was to live faithful lives in a midst of a culture that encouraged us to do otherwise. Much of our difficulty came from the presence of negative peer pressure. This kind of difficulty is present in the lives of our Christian kids today, but is even more pronounced due to the changes taking place in today’s culture. We would do well to share these words from the late justice Antonin Scalia. “God assumed from the beginning that the wise of the world would view Christians as fools and he has not been disappointed. Devout Christians are destined to be regarded as fools in modern society. We must pray for courage to endure the scorn of the sophisticated world. If I have brought any message today, it is this: Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity. Be fools for Christ. And have courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world.” Parents, share these words with your kids.

All this week we’ve been looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the fifth sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will endeavor to approach decision-making from a biblical perspective. A child who is pursuing God will have a heart for doing what is right. We can’t be content with raising teens whose decisions are impulsive, emotion-driven, and self-centered. We must hold a higher standard before them. We need to model and encourage what Paul Tripp calls a “Godward reference,” instilling in our teens a desire to do everything to the glory of God. The most important question in any situation is, “What does God want me to think, desire, say, and do?” And, we want them to embrace the Bible as their most important tool in making the critical and practical decisions of life. Parents, never stop praying that your children will develop a deep heart for God.

All this week we’re looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the fourth sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will be relaxed and open to discussions about spiritual things. We should not expect or accept our teenagers’ being closed and defensive to spiritual things. Paul Tripp says that we should seek to nurture our children to love the Lord and his word. Our kids need to grow up to understand that God’s word speaks to every situation of life, and they should be hungry to be guided and corrected by God’s Word. We want our kids to be humble and open to God’s guidance. They need to know that they need God’s help, and they should seek it. Parents, evaluate your teenager. How open is he or she to talking about spiritual things. Continually pray for your teen. Pray for their hearts and minds. Ask God to give them a hunger and thirst to talk about God and His word.

All this week we’re looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the third sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will pursue fellowship with the body of Christ. He will want to spend time with others who also love God. He will look for peers who share his faith and his desire to be involved in Christian community. This is the teenager who leaves for college and begins his time on campus by checking out the Christian fellowship opportunities. This is the teen who will seek out other Christians in his high school. And, he will value the help, prayers, encouragement, experience, insight, and wisdom of the older members of the body of Christ. Parents, our greatest desire should be to see our children grow up to pursue, love, and serve Jesus Christ. Ask God to embrace your teen and to create in your teen a desire to be in active fellowship with other Christians.

All this week we’re looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the second sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will have a desire to be involved in corporate worship and instruction. A teenager who is glad to go to church services and who does not need to be threatened to be there will be there for two primary reasons. First, he will enjoy worship because worship expresses his heartfelt love and thanksgiving for God and his work. Second, he will find enjoyment in being with people who share his desire to praise God. He will be there because he finds that corporate worship helps him focus on the most important thing in life, the existence of God and his glory. A teen who has a heart for the pursuit of God may not be able to put this desire for worship into words, but he will want to be in worship. Pray that your teen develops a heart for God and a passion for worship.

There are so many voices in our culture that cry out to our kids, summoning their allegiance and defining what’s most important in life. Sadly, few of these voices encourage them to have a heart for God. All this week, I want to share with you the signs of a heart for God that Paul Tripp identifies in his wonderful parenting book, Age of Opportunity. Paul Tripp says that the first sign of a heart for God is an independent life of personal worship and devotion. A teen with a heart for God spends personal time with the Lord. He will want to read the Bible and spend time in prayer. She will carve out time in the midst of her busy and chaotic schedule to study the scriptures. Tripp says that it’s not likely that your teen will get up every morning at five a.m. to read and pray for two hours, but there will be a developing life of personal devotion. Parents, pray that your teen will develop a deep hunger and thirst to know God, to study God’s word, and to pray.

There are two phrases in Scripture that we must pay attention to, understand, and teach to our kids. They are, “In this life”, and “In the end.” These two phrases are so helpful in giving us a proper perspective on the difficult things we will face in this world. When we read the Bible we learn that in this life there will be pain, sorrow, disease, discord, decay, death, and a host of other realities. This life is filled with all kinds of things as a result of human sin and the world not being the way its supposed to be. Be we do not live as those who have no hope. You see, in the end will be the glorious restoration of all things to the way they are supposed to be. And so, we will find ourselves living now with both heartache and hope as we groan with all creation for that day when our mourning will be turned into dancing! Are you teaching your kids to live their lives in light of eternity? Or, are you leaving them to a cultural narrative which encourages them to live as they wish for the moment?

In the past you’ve heard me say that roughly seventy-percent of our kids who play organized sports drop out by the age of thirteen. One of the main reasons cited is the pressure they feel from parents and coaches, a pressure that becomes unbearable and which drains the fun out of playing the sport. Now that we live in a social media saturated world, there seems to be a new reason for our kids to drop out of sports. A recent survey found that kids are dropping out due to the fact that they don’t think their bodies measure up to the idealized athletic body types they are seeing on social media. Researchers found that kids who had concluded they didn’t have the right body were defining the right body by what they saw on TikTok and Instagram. Not surprisingly this reason for dropping out was cited more often by our girls than by our boys. Parents, we need to promote the value of Godly character over body type, and we need to encourage our kids to play and have fun.

I’ve always been fascinated by reports that deliver data on how values, attitudes, and behaviors have changed from one generation to another. The American Enterprise Institute recently released a report that had some discouraging and some encouraging news. For my generation of baby-boomers, fifty-four percent, reported drinking alcohol or smoking pot or cigarettes occasionally during their teen years. For Gen Z, born between 1997 and 2012, that number has decreased to thirty-two percent. This is encouraging news that should drive us to keep our prevention efforts moving forward. The discouraging news is that while seventy one percent of Baby Boomers attended religious services during their teen years, that number has dropped to fifty-two percent for those from Gen Z. Parents, our greatest desire for our kids is to see them grow up to become faithful followers of Jesus Christ. Being an active member of a church should be part of their teen experience.

The folks at Defend Young Minds have released a list of the three top reasons why more our girls are seeking out and engaging with pornography. To know the reasons is to know how to push back on this trend. First, our girls are feeling a growing pressure from boys to watch pornography. Girls are feeling compelled to conform to these expectations. We must respond by helping them understand the immoral nature of these expectations, along with encouraging them to feel the freedom to come and talk to us when they encounter the expectations. Second, may girls accidentally discover pornography, many times through social media feeds and chat groups. Borders and boundaries are needed, along with parental oversight, and again, the encouragement to talk openly with us as parents. Finally, they go to pornography out of curiosity. Parents, remember that your child’s sex education needs to be rooted in Scripture, along with what you are teaching them in the home.

In his classic old book, “With Christ in the School of Prayer”, Andrew Murray offers us some sage advice that should spark our own regular self-reflection. It’s also advice we can pass on to our kids as we teach them to engage in self-reflection, both now and for the rest of their lives. Murray writes this: “The tone of my life during the day is God’s criterion of what I really am and desire.” What Murray was saying is that how I live moment by moment – the choices I make, the things I say, how I spend my time, and how I spend my money – all of those things speak loudly about who and what I worship. Regardless of what I might say, my life offers clear and unmistakable evidence of who I am and what I worship. I don’t know about you, but that causes me to pause and really consider whether I am truly endeavoring to follow Jesus Christ. Parents, your kids are watching you, and the tone of your life during the day will become their guideline for who they should be and what they should really desire. All of us must take up our cross and follow Jesus daily.

A professor starts his recent article in Christianity Today magazine with this sentence: “As I prepare to begin my tenth year as a seminary professor, I’m going to begin the biblical capstone class I’ll be teaching by recommending that my students consider taking up a habit they’re likely unfamiliar with: bringing an actual, physical, printed-and bound Bible to class.” Kudos to this professor for taking this step. The presence of smartphones and Bible apps, which are not bad things in and of themselves, has led more and more believers to never carry or read an actual paper Bible. Without a physical bible we can easily lose our sense of the Genesis to Revelation narrative of redemption. We are limited in our ability to understand context. It is more difficult to cross-reference passages. We don’t read as deeply on the screen. And, we are more easily distracted. With Christmas coming, why not set each of your kids up with the gift a good, old-fashioned, physical Bible?

Last Thanksgiving, our adult children all came to our house with our grandchildren to share the traditional Thanksgiving meal. Because our family has grown over the years, we had to get creative with moving furniture around in order to make one large table that would accommodate seventeen people. But it was all worth it as we were able to share a meal and conversation around the table. As I was looking around the table, I got to thinking about how eating together as a family is a disappearing reality for so many. A recent survey from the American Enterprise Institute found that seventy-six percent of the members of my baby-boomer generation say that having regular family meals was a part of their childhood experience. It was consistently a part of my own family experience. Now, only thirty-eight percent of the members of Generation Z, born between 1997 and 2012, report having regular family meals. Parents, make meal-time a valuable family time, and hold it sacred.

In our good and necessary efforts to teach our kids God’s good creational design for sexuality and gender, I’m afraid that we can oftentimes unintentionally leave our kids less than compassionate towards those who are struggling with sex and gender confusion, or who are choosing to believe and live into the current cultural narrative. One of the things I tell parents is that we do not have a good history of treating those who believe and behave differently in ways that Christ would treat them. A recent survey found, not surprisingly, that self-identifying bisexual, gay, and lesbian Americans report higher rates of bullying than those who are heterosexuals. Thirty-five percent of heterosexuals report being bullied during their teen years, while fifty-six percent of gay or lesbian, and sixty-two percent of bisexuals report being bullied as teens. We must teach our kids to recognize sin, but to also be compassionate to all of God’s divine image-bears.

I recently read a piece in the New York Times written by Callie Holterman. The headline read, “In candy shades and eggy shapes, many of today’s most popular vaping devices look like toys. Experts worry they will hook a new generation of users.” After reading the article, I went online to look through one of the many online vape outlets that serve as clearinghouses for a host of vaping devices and supplies. I was greeted with everything Holterman’s article discussed, along with four hundred and twenty different products from which to choose. I was invited to shop by brand or type, along with an option for shopping by flavor, with flavors listed being too long to mention here, but including things like Banana, Grape, Lush Ice, and Blue Razz. . . all designed to attract new young users. Parents, you need to know that vaping is not a safe alternative to smoking conventional cigarettes. They are addictive and dangerous. Teach your kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory.