Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter O refers to what we offer students who choose to risk sharing their hearts with us. They’ve come to us because they believe we have something they need. It’s important for us to offer hope in what they often consider to be hopeless circumstances. Offers of encouragement, support, wisdom, and advice can all express this hope. Maybe the most important thing we can offer kids is the willingness to go deeper with them. Most adults want to keep things safe and shallow. What are your offering to hurting kids? The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm Forty-two that we are to put our hope in God. If we have placed our hope and trust in the one who has made us and not in the things he has made, hurting kids will see that reality. Hope is the greatest gift we can give to kids in pain.

This week we’re looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter L concerns listening, the most fundamental skill needed by anyone working with wounded kids. Many teenagers are convinced that no one is listening to them. Everyone is either too busy, preoccupied, stressed, or selfish to give kids the undivided attention they need. We must learn to listen beneath the words – at the level of emotions, non-verbal cues, and even silence. Listening must be active and responsive to what’s being said and left unsaid. And of course, it must be non-judgmental. Nothing will shut down a kid’s story more quickly than an adult pointing out where he’s wrong. Listening is a skill we desperately need to develop – not just for the sake of creating an environment conducive to good communication, but for the sake of the spiritual and emotional health of our kids.

This week I want to talk about responding to hurting kids, and some great lessons that I’ve learned from my good friend, Dr. Marv Penner. For years, Marv has been equipping youth workers, counselors, and parents to understand and help kids who are experiencing brokenness in their lives. The fact is that a growing number of adolescents today are hurting deeply – often more deeply than they or many of the adults in their lives are willing to acknowledge. Most have nowhere to turn with their pain. Marv reminds us that helping these kids is as much about who you are, as it is about what you do. The most powerful instrument of ministry you have to offer a kid is your own life, lived transparently and honestly so they can see the difference the Gospel makes for you. It’s all about relationships. When kids trust you, that opens the door to helping them.

This weekend we celebrate Mother’s Day. As Christians, this day should bring to mind the fifth commandment, which reads, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Over 40 years ago, Dr. John Huffman wrote this about the 5th commandment in book, “Liberating Limits: “God pity the society led by brash young people who have the answers but very little respect for their elders. Anarchy comes quickly. Allow young people to be alienated from their parents and you’ll observe a nation drift into moral and social anarchy. Family life is crucial to a healthy society. Children who grab hold of the household reins, pushing their parents aside, inflict a serious damage on a society. Young people who grow up without subjection to authority are programming themselves for unhappiness. A society as well as an individual pays an enormous price for weakening the honor paid to fathers and mothers.”

Nearly half of today’s teenagers say that they are on their phones and online almost constantly. The Pew Research Center surveyed a cohort of teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, along with parents, back in the fall of last year. The findings are interesting and helpful as we consider how to best help our kids live to God’s glory on the digital frontier. You might be surprised to learn that seventy-two percent of our teens say that they often or sometimes feel peaceful and/or happy when they have de-tethered and disconnected from their smartphone. That’s a good thing, and it reminds us that we should encourage and even require time limits for our kids. But many kids also say that disconnecting makes them feel anxious, upset, or lonely. Take time to talk to your kids about how they feel when they detach, and encourage them to use their time wisely and to God’s glory. Build your relationship with your kids so that time spent with you is valued, time that will be a positive alternative to screentime!

If you grew up through your own adolescence ten, thirty, or fifty years ago, you remember what it was like to encounter and try to navigate peer pressure. Throughout the decades, peer pressure was often a top or the number one reason teenagers gave for choosing to experiment with alcohol and drugs. Now, researchers at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are telling us that the number one reason today’s teens cite for using drugs and alcohol is to reduce stress, anxiety, and even depression. Almost three-quarters of teens say that their motivation for substance use is to feel mellow, calm, or relaxed. In addition, they want to stop worrying about a problem or to forget bad memories. Because we live in a sinful and broken world, we all face difficulties in life. Parents, from a young age, teach your children that substance abuse is not an avenue to fixing issues of stress and anxiety. Rather, teach them to go to Jesus Christ, and his promise to carry their burdens.

I recently read these words from pastor Alistair Begg: “No church of Jesus Christ progresses beyond the spiritual progress of its leaders.” While those words are important for those in church leadership, I got to thinking about just how true they also are for leadership in the home. As parents, we can restate Begg’s words this way: “No family that hopes to disciple and nurture kids into following Jesus Christ, progresses beyond the spiritual progress of its parents.” As a father and grandfather, these words are not only convicting to me, but they force me into a process of self-examination. Parents, I would encourage us all to take an accounting of how and where we are spending our time? What is it that grabs and holds our focus? Ask yourself this, “Am I investing my time into my own spiritual growth and development?” The truth is that your kids are watching you and learning from you. Who you are is just as important as what you say. Your growth is a prerequisite to the spiritual growth of your kids.

A study published late last year in the Journal of the American Medical Association shows that there has been sharp increases in the rates of hospitalizations for boys with eating disorders. This is news that we all must pay attention to, as historically, eating disorders have been portrayed as a disease of adolescent girls who desire to lose weight out of concern for their appearance. This is not at all surprising considering the body image pressure that marketing and social media continue to ramp up for our girls. But researchers are telling us that body image pressures on our boys convince them that they need to bulk-up with muscle. Medical professionals have labeled this as bigorexia. Not only is this a spiritual issue related to a misplaced sense of identity, and idolizing muscles, but it causes low heart rates, abnormal blood markers, and suicidal ideation. God calls us to have no other God’s before Him. This includes the idolatry of self. Teach your kids to honor God above all else.

The famous theologian, Augustine, once said this: “This is the authentic happy life, to set one’s joy in you, grounded in you and caused by you.” After many years of wandering and struggle as a young man, God took hold of Augustine’s heart and called Augustine to Himself. It wasn’t long after that Augustine took to writing the volume that we know as his Confessions. This quote is one of the ancient gems we should be sharing with our kids. You see, in today’s world, our kids are led to believe that one’s joy can only be found in being true to one’s self. Authenticity and loyalty to self are the highest value in life. But sadly, this is not the path to joy. The writer of Proverbs says, “Trust in the Lordwith all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Parents, you have been called by God to lead your children onto the path to life. If you don’t lead them into finding their joy in Jesus Christ, they will most likely believe the culture’s lies.

I was recently thinking back over what I had planned to do when I grew up. Why? I was reading about what one survey calls one of the most desirable career options kids are thinking about in today’s world. Are you wondering what that job is? It’s a job that wasn’t even an option just two decades ago: Social media star or influencer. We now live in a world where there is what is called a “Creator Economy,” an industry now valued at over two-hundred and fifty billion, with some influencers making well upwards of six figures a year, just for posting videos and photos of themselves on social media while using certain products. Parents, kids are typically attracted to the fastest track to income. Let’s teach them to discover their God-given gifts and abilities, and use those gifts and abilities in a lifetime of faithfully serving the Lord. Point them to these words from the Apostle Paul: “So whatever you do, whether you eat or drink – do it all to the glory of God.” It’s not about us!

Imagine walking today into a twelfth grade English class at your local high school. You stand in the back of the room, undetected, and look around at the twenty students who are seated at their desks. According to the latest research, you can correctly assume that two out of these twenty students have admitted to using what’s known as delta-8-THC in the last year. Delta-8 is a psychoactive substance that is derived from hemp, which is a variety of the Cannabis plant. Delta-8 products can be purchased online and over the counter, with products including oils, gummies, capsules, disposable vapes, and more. They are marketed aggressively to our kids, and the FDA reports adverse health issues related to this psychoactive substance. These Delta-8 products have intoxicating effects, and they are often manufactured using potentially harmful chemicals in order to increase the concentration of THC. Parents, monitor your kids, and warn them about the spiritual and physical dangers of substance abuse.

As conversations in our culture continue over how to navigate the increased traction the transgender ideology is getting among our kids, we should be paying attention to what is happening across the pond in the U.K. The world’s largest gender clinic has been the Tavistock clinic in Britain. Health officials are closing the clinic this spring as more and more is being learned about the dangers to our kids regarding what’s labeled as “gender-affirming care.” Not only is the clinic being shut down, but the National Health Service of England has said that children who have or who identify as having gender dysphoria will no longer be given puberty blockers. The NHS says that there is not enough evidence regarding the safety or effectiveness of puberty blockers with children. We applaud this common-sense reality-based move, and hope that all of us will realize just how much life-long damage these supposed treatments cause. God has made us male or female, and gender is given, not chosen.

Parents, what are you teaching your kids about the presence of pain and suffering in their lives? Are you preparing them to face whatever difficulties life may bring by immersing themselves in what the Scriptures teach about the formative role adversity plays in our lives? In Psalm one-hundred-nineteen verse seventy one, the Psalmist writes, “My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.” Theologian J.I. Packer writes these words about suffering: “The fact is that God uses chronic pain and weakness, along with other sorts of affliction, as his chisel for sculpting our souls. Weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. And the harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually, even while our bodies waste away.” Those are good words that reflect the truths of Scripture, that we must not only embrace for ourselves, but teach to our kids. The fact is, suffering is redemptive.

Ever since the smartphone debuted back in 2007, I have encountered a growing number of parents who lament how much time our kids are spending on their smartphones, and the way that time has undermined their teenager’s well-being. There’s a growing amount of data that supports these concerns, and which should cause us to wake up and pay attention so that we are more diligent in setting screen time limits, along with monitoring where are kids are spending their online time. But we’re now learning that’s it’s not just parents who are complaining about the effects of smartphones on our family relationships. The Pew Research Center’s late 2023 survey of teenagers found that nearly half of today’s thirteen to seventeen year-olds say they have a parents who is at least sometimes distracted by their phone when they’re trying to talk to them. Too much time looking at our screens takes away from the time we should be spending with each other. Are you spending too much time on your phone?

Every now and then I run across a challenging quote about the Christian faith from someone who does not embrace the Christian faith. And every now and then, these quotes serve as a wake-up call or much needed punch in the gut. That was certainly the case when I encountered this quote from author and agnostic, Julian Barnes. Barnes writes, “There seems little point in a religion which is merely a weekly social event. What’s the point of faith unless you and it are serious – seriously serious – unless your religion fills, directs, stains, and sustains your life?” Parents, what kind of faith is it that you embrace? Are you seriously serious about your relationship with Jesus Christ? That kind of seriously serious faith is the kind of faith that we’re called to. It’s also the kind of faith that we need to pass on to our kids. And the best way to pass on a seriously serious faith, is to live a seriously serious faith. Why don’t you take some time for some serious self-examination today?

Beginning way back in 1975, the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research has been surveying high school students on their behaviors regarding drug and alcohol abuse. The survey launched when it was recognized that the 1960s had brought a widespread epidemic of illicit drug use among U.S. youth. As that epidemic has evolved, the survey has added a host of new drugs as they have become available, and it began gathering data from eighth graders in 1991, as drug use was filtering down into the population at earlier ages. In the introduction to the 2023 version of the survey results, researchers write this: “Substance abuse is the leading cause of preventable morbidity and mortality; it is in large part why, among seventeen high income nations, people in the U.S. have the highest probability of dying by age fifty. Parents, we need to monitor the behavior of our kids, and do all we can to educate them to the physical and spiritual dangers of drug and alcohol abuse.

What does the cultural narrative tell us and our kids about what we are to believe about who we are? How and where do we find our identity? Is who we are a given? Or is who we are someone or something we have the responsibility and privilege to create? In her helpful new book, “Self-Made: Creating Our Identities from Da Vinci to the Kardashians”, Tara Isabella Burton traces the slow slide our world has experienced, into believing we are who we make of ourselves, rather than seeing ourselves as being made by God. She summarized the issue this way: “All of us have inherited the narrative that we must shape our own path and place in this life and that where and how we were born should not determine who and what we will become.” In effect, Burton is reminding us that in today’s world, we are to lean into self-sovereignty, rather than living under God’s sovereignty. Parents, this is one of the most dangerous lies our kids can believe. Are you telling them the truth?

If you have a calendar on your wall that lists holidays, you will notice that today begins the Jewish remembrance of the Passover. This annual holiday celebrates the escape of the Jewish people from Egyptian slavery, a story that is recounted in Exodus chapter twelve. The name Passover includes the sense of to spare from something. In this case, God looked on the blood-sprinkled houses of the Israelites, passing over them and sparing them from the way he smote the Egyptian homes by striking down all firstborn men and animals. If you read Exodus 12 you will see that the blood which was to be sprinkled on the houses came from a sacrificial lamb. In the New Testament, we learn that Christ has become our Passover, and that the blood he shed on the cross on our behalf offers a way out of our slavery to sin, delivering us into new life. Why not take some time with your family on this Passover day, to read Exodus twelve, to see the mercy and grace of God, and to thank Him for Jesus Christ, our Passover lamb.

My friend, youth pastor and writer Mike McGarry, offers some great advice to youth workers and parents on how to prepare students for a lifelong faith. This is important to consider as the research consistently points to the fact that far too many kids are not only graduating from high school, but graduating or walking away from the faith as they enter young adulthood. Here are Mike’s four best practices for facilitating a lifelong faith. First, apply the Gospel to everything. Help them see that Christ not only came to save them, but to lead them into faithful God-glorifying living in every square inch of their lives. Second, teach them to love the church. Engage them not only with their peers, but with the full spectrum of believers in your local body. Third, dream big biblical dreams for your kids. Pray that they would grow and mature in their faith. And finally, give kids the opportunity to lead and even fail. A deepened faith is the fruit of real-life struggles. Don’t coddle your kids.

The latest edition of the Monitoring the Future National Survey on drug use among our teenagers, cites good news that I would like to pass on to you today. The survey, which has been conducted annually since 1975, offers some encouraging data on what the survey labels as “abstainers.” Abstainers are defined as students with no use of alcohol, marijuana, or nicotine. Nicotine use is typically by cigarettes or vaping. Researchers report that in 2024, levels of lifetime abstention significantly increased among students in the two high school groups surveyed, that is, our tenth and twelfth graders. These levels of abstention are at the highest since they began getting tracked back in 2017. Researchers say that these increases in abstention have been driven by decreases in nicotine vaping and alcohol use. This is good news, and should encourage us to keep educating our students on the dangers of drug use, while point them to finding meaning and purpose in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

With March Madness now being over for about a week, it’s a good time to think about the place sports holds in our lives. Some recent data from the Pew Research Center offers five facts about Americans and sports. First, about half of Americans say they took part in organized, competitive sports in high school or college. This means that many of our kids grow up playing organized sports. Second, most Americans who played sports in high school or college say their athletic experiences improved their physical health and confidence. Third, our love for sports is also about spectating. Almost forty percent of American say they follow college or pro sports at least somewhat closely. Fourth, if asked to choose one sport as America’s sport, over half choose football. And finally, almost one out of five Americans said they had bet money on sports in the past year. Parents, sports are great. Teach your kids to love God first and foremost. To put anything in His place is idolatry.

Do you think that pop music has an influence on the values, attitudes, and behaviors of our kids? The truth is that it’s not just the lyrics that influence, but the high-profile lifestyles and stories of the pop stars themselves. Popular singer and Grammy award winner Olivia Rodrigo is one star whose music and lifestyle influence our children and teens. As part of her recent concert in St. Louis, Rodrigo did more than sing to the twenty-two thousand fans assembled at the Enterprise Center. With the help of the Missouri Abortion Fund, Rodrigo handed out free Plan B pills, or morning after emergency contraception pills, to her fans. Standing up for abortion rights is nothing new to Rodrigo as she’s been a vocal abortion advocate for years. Parents, we encourage you to listen to who and what your kids are listening to, and then talk about what they are hearing, affirming that which is line with God’s Word, and then challenging and correcting that content which advocates sin.

If I remind you that today is known as tax day here in the United States, some of you will breath a sigh of relief that you have completed the tedious work of pulling your tax returns together. Others of you, if you’ve forgotten about today, might now be panicking over your procrastination. What I want to encourage you all to do is to use today as a teachable moment to share with your kids what Jesus and the Apostle Paul have to say about governmental authority. Both of them taught that we are responsible to pay taxes to the government. Jesus tells us in Mark twelve seventeen that we are to render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are Gods. In Romans thirteen, Paul commands the church to pay taxes to those whom taxes are owed. While we have no higher authority that God, we must recognize that our government has been instituted by God, and we are to respect the government’s authority, unless the government commands something immoral.

Today, we wrap up our look at the categories of Pornographic Style of Relating, or PSR, that Dr. Andrew Bauman tells us undermine God’s good desire for our sexuality and human flourishing. After the first four categories of control, objectification, speed, and hunger, Bauman cites a fifth: isolation. With pornography, sexuality is experienced in sinful and fallen ways behind closed doors. This isolation fuels a secret life and very quickly breaks down our relationships, undermining our relating to our spouses, children, and friends. God’s design is for our sexuality to be shared with our spouse in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship, not with a series of images online. Finally, Bauman offers a sixth category of PSR: fantasy. He reminds us that healthy relationships live in the truth. It’s my hope that our discussions this week will motivate you to teach biblical sexuality to your kids, that you will warn them about pornography, and that the Lord would protect their vulnerable hearts and minds.

Today, we continue our look at the categories of Pornographic Style of Relating, or PSR, that Dr. Andrew Bauman says undermine God’s good desire for our sexuality and human flourishing. After the first two categories of control and objectification, comes a third category, speed. He writes, “the rapid pace of relationships comes to resemble the quick climax of intensity around pornography. Pornography desires speed, which is opposed to the kind of healthy relationships marked by faithfulness and long-lasting intimacy. Bauman’s fourth category of relating is hunger. In terms of sexuality, hunger is a frantic need that must be filled by the other. It is selfish. It consumes and devours others in a desire to fix something that’s broken inside of ourselves. Of course, we know that the hunger is ultimately for a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Parents, are you going out of your way to continually teach your kids to live into God’s good design for biblical sexuality?

Yesterday, I told you about Dr. Andrew Bauman, a Christian counselor whose own experience and study on the effects of pornography has reported on the dire effects of pornography on young men and young women. Bauman has written about the development of what’s called a pornographic style of relating, or PSR, which happens when pornography becomes a child’s primary teacher and guide on sexual development. Today, I want to look at the first two of the six categories of PSR Bauman cautions us about. First, there is the category of control. God has given us sex as mutual experience for one man and one woman to share in marriage. Online pornography encourages solo sexuality that is non-mutual, putting sexuality in your own control and power. Its a straying from God’s good design. Second, there is the category of objectification, where others are not seen as people, but as objects to be used and cheaply discarded. Tomorrow, we’ll continue our discussion of PSR.

It’s no secret that our kids are being misinformed and misshaped by the pervasive presence of online pornography in today’s world. Because they are sexual beings who are naturally curious about their developing God-given gift of sexuality, we should be instructing them in age appropriate ways about God’s plan for sex and gender. But if we choose to be silent, they are left to have their questions answered by a sexualized culture and peer group that’s been heavily influenced by exposure to pornography. The largest pornographic website in the world reports over ten billion visits per month, and this certainly includes our kids who go looking for porn, or who have encountered porn that has found them while they are innocently spending time online. Dr. Andrew Bauman is a Christian counselor who confesses that the church’s silence and his own consumption of pornography distorted his sense of his sexuality. He warns, the consequences are dire, and just coming to the surface.

One of our greatest concerns about smartphone use among children and teens relates to pornography. With ninety-five percent of teens having access to a smartphone, we should be concerned about exposure to pornography, either intentional or unintentional, along with both the short and long-term effects of pornography on our kids. The average age of first exposure is between eleven and thirteen years old, with some studies finding that kids as young as nine years old are exposed. By the time our kids reach their teens, about eighty-five percent of our boys and sixty percent of our girls have viewed pornography, most-often through their smartphone devices. The greatest damage occurs as our kids see distorted, broken, and sinful expressions of God’s good gift of sexuality which can not only lead to addiction, but can twist and destroy their sexuality and so much more for the rest of their lives. Keep listening as we spend all this week talking about the dangers of pornography.

One of my favorite memories of childhood was reaching the age where from time to time, my parents would allow me to sleep over at a friends house. I remember the joy of staying up late, watching movies, and eating pizza with a group of buddies. My kids experienced sleepovers as well. In today’s world, there’s a movement away from sleepovers that I think is warranted. We live in a world where we’re learning more and more about predators and sexual abuse. When a child is a victim of sexual abuse, ninety percent of them know their attacker. Half of those known abusers are family members, and the other half are acquaintances and friends. Prudence should cause us to err on the side of caution. The truth is that once kids are asleep, they are doing something they could also be doing at home. Now parents, are okaying what’s called “sleepunders”, where the kids get picked up at bedtime, or when their parents are done visiting together. Parents, don’t live in fear, but exercise wisdom.

One of the greatest gifts I received in my life was the gift of an active and involved father. My father not only took the time to be around and spend time with me, but to teach me about Jesus and what it means to live with Christ as the Lord of my life. Those were great benefits to having a loving and involved father. But there’s more! Researchers tell us that when a dad gets involved in his child’s life, that child will learn more, perform better in school, and exhibit healthier behavior. Children with involved dads have fewer emotional and behavioral problems in adolescence. Teens who feel close to their dads grow up to have healthier marriages. And girls who have a strong relationship with their dad during their teenage years move into adulthood without as many psychological issues and distresses. Dads, your heavenly father has given you the gift of your children. He has also given you to them as a gift. Love your children as you’ve been loved by your heavenly father.

I recently had to double-back to my office after leaving for the day. I found myself in a bit of a panic as I had left my smartphone on my desk. Truth be told, there was a part of me feeling that if I was not reunited with my phone, things could go bad very quickly. When I came to my senses, I realized that I had spent roughly two-thirds of my life without a smartphone, and the reality was that life was fine, and even better, in those good old land-line-only days. While our smartphones are helpful, there are so many ways in which they undermine our well-being. One such issue in today’s world is the issue of phones in school. One school district in Virginia found that about a third of the district’s teachers were telling kids to put their phones away five to ten times during a class period. Fifteen percent had to do so more than twenty times a class. Our kids physical, mental, and academic health is suffering. How is it affecting their spiritual health? Parents, we need to set limits!

Not a day goes by when I don’t hear or see one advertisement for an online sports gambling platform. With the Major League Baseball season gearing up your local broadcasts will mention not only what’s happening on the field, but the odds on a host of things occurring in the game along with an invitation to put money on anything and everything. Add to this the promotions and bonuses for signing up, and it’s no surprise that our kids are drawn into online sports gambling through the apps. And, while there are age restrictions, there’s nothing stopping kids from lying about their age and getting involved. Parents surveyed regarding their concerns about the risks of online betting for teens ages fourteen to eighteen put debt, gambling addiction, a ruined credit score, and drug and alcohol abuse at the top of their list. Teach your kids that God has promised to provide for our needs. He doesn’t instruct us to gamble to get it. Rather, we are to work to meet our needs and to bring glory to Him.

Several years ago I began to notice ringing in my ears. Known as Tinnitus, I would describe my experience as sounding like someone is blowing a never-ending high-pitched whistle in my ears. My issues come, I think, from listening to loud music earlier in my life. My concern for today’s children and teens has been fueled by a recent article in the BMJ Public Health Journal. A review of available evidence is showing that video gamers may be risking irreversible hearing loss and persistent ringing and buzzing in their ears due to exposing themselves to unsafe sound levels as they play their games. Wearing gaming headphones increases the risks. Research points to the fact that anything over eighty-five decibels can lead to hearing damage. Some video game sound levels can reach bursts of one hundred nineteen decibels, which is as loud as a bulldozer or motorbike. Parents, teach your kids to steward their bodies and hearing to God’s glory by turning down the volume.

All this week I’ve been passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott describes who we have been called to be as the church of Jesus Christ. Sometimes, in an effort to protect our kids from the influence of the world, we fail to teach them what it means to truly follow Jesus. Stott writes, “the church is a people who have been both called out of the world to worship God and sent back into the world to witness and serve. These are, in fact, two of the classical marks of the church. According to the first, the church is holy, called out to belong to God and to worship him. According to the second, the church is apostolic, sent out into the world on it’s mission.” Parents, each of us is both called and sent. The same holds true for our kids. Are you modeling what it means to live in, but not of, the world?

All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott writes about the need to listen carefully to the voices in our culture that express the deep, deep brokenness that exists. As one who studies youth culture, I can tell you that we hear those voices everywhere in the world of our young. Stott writes, “Unless we listen attentively to the voices of secular society, struggle to understand them, and feel with people in their frustration, anger, bewilderment and despair, weeping with those who weep, we will lack authenticity as the disciples of Jesus of Nazareth. Instead, we will run the risk of answering questions nobody is asking, scratching where nobody is itching, supplying goods for which there is no demand. In other words, of being totally irrelevant.” Parents, let’s listen and listen intently.

All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott reminds us of the need to listen, something I know I far too often overlook in my family relationships. Stott writes, “One of the most important, and much neglected ingredients of Christian discipleship is the cultivation of a listening ear. Bad listeners do not make good disciples. The apostle James was clear about this. His strictures on the tongue as a restless evil, full of deadly poison are well known, but he has no compatible criticism of the ear. He urges us not to talk too much, but seems to suggest that we can never listen too much when he says, ‘everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.’”

All this week I’m passing on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott reminds us that because we are human beings created by God, we have been made with an insatiable thirst for God. This holds true for our kids. . . even those who don’t seem like they care about spiritual things. Stott writes, “All human beings are aware of an ultimate personal reality, whom we seek, and in relation to whom alone we know we will find our human fulfillment. Even when we are running away from God, instinctively we know that we have no other resting-place, no other home. Without him we are lost, like waifs and strays. Our greatest claim to nobility is our created capacity to know God, to be in personal relationship with him, and to love him and to worship him.” Parents, your teens, do indeed, long for God.

All this week I want to take time to pass on some great words of wisdom from one of my heroes of the faith. Dr. John Stott was a theologian whose writings have shaped the way I think about faith, life, and family. In his wonderful book, the Contemporary Christian, Stott challenges us to listen carefully to both God’s Word, and to the world. He writes, “We listen to the Word with humble reverence, anxious to understand it, and resolved to believe and obey what we come to understand. We listen to the world with critical alertness, anxious to understand it too, and resolved not necessarily to believe and obey it, but to sympathize with it and to seek grace to discover how the gospel relates to it.” Stott’s directive is especially helpful and necessary for those of us who want to share the Good News of the Gospel with the emerging generations. Like foreign missionaries, we need to know both God’s Word and the culture of our mission field. What are you doing to listen carefully to both?

Ever since teenage drug abuse ramped up in the nineteen sixties, schools, mental health professionals, the government, and parents have all been working to stem the tide of abuse and addiction. One of the greatest concerns has been the very real risk of death from drug overdose. I’m guessing that all of us have been touched by overdose death, perhaps in our families or circle of friends. Sadly, the latest research tells us that drug overdose deaths among teens more than doubled between twenty nineteen and twenty twenty, and this, in spite of the fact that there was also a decline in teen drug use. We also know that Fentanyl is now involved in at least seventy five percent of teen overdose deaths. With drug suppliers now mixing fentanyl in with other drugs, we need to exercise greater diligence in warning our kids about drug abuse. Pray that your teens would have a heart bent on following God, and that He would spare them from the scourge of illicit drugs.

When my son was about seven years old, we went to see the Orioles play at the Camden Yards stadium. Our seats were next to the opening where the cameraman tasked with putting shots of fans up on the big video scoreboard was seated. Three times during the game he put the camera on my son’s face, projecting him up on the scoreboard for all to see. During the last time, which was rather extended, my son eventually turned to me and said, ‘I hate my freckles.’ They were bigger than life up on that screen. I had loads of freckles when I was a kid, and so did my wife. He was destined to have them. In today’s image-obsessed world, freckles are now a thing, so much so that there’s a new trend where people are getting semi-permanent freckle tattoos, with hundreds of millions of views of tiktok videos promoting the trend. This is one more reminder of our need to counter the culture’s emphasis on our outer image, with a keen sense of God’s desire for us to focus on developing our inward character.

Both Luke chapter six and Matthew chapter seven record the words Jesus spoke which are now commonly referred to as The Golden Rule. “So in everything,” Jesus said, “do to others what you would have them tdo to you, for this sums up the law and the prophets.” I recently read a hand-written letter that my grandfather wrote to my mother upon her birth, ninety-years ago in 1934, expressing his deep hope that she would grow up to follow Christ and love others. He mentioned the Golden rule. In a day and age where our kids are encouraged to look out for number one and use others to their own advantage, we need to encourage our kids to engage consistently in service to others. New research even tells us that teens who volunteer in service to others not only benefit those others, but experience improvements in their own health and well-being, including the mitigation of feelings of isolation and loneliness that are epidemic today. Following God’s commands lead to our human freedom and flourishing.

The folks at the Pew Research Center have released new data that helps us understand how and where our teens are spending their social media time. The top most-visited and popular social media site among teens is YouTube, which comes as no surprise. More than nine out of ten teens say that they engage with YouTube, with seventy-one percent of all teens saying that they engage with YouTube on a daily basis. Sixteen percent say they are on YouTube almost constantly, thirty-eight percent are on it several times and day, and seventeen percent about once a day. The next three most popular social media sites are tiktok, snapchat, and Instagram. Parents, it’s no surprise that our kids are being shaped more and more by the life-lessons, perspectives, and worldview messages they encounter on social media. We need to not only limit their time, but help them learn to discern truth from error. Provide borders and boundaries for social media use, and encourage other activities.

In the past, you’ve heard me mention the results of initial research regarding the difference between reading text on a printed page, versus reading text on a screen. Researchers found that there is a fundamental difference between the two, as eye scans show that those who read on the printed page read line by line, and those who read on a screen tend to skip over text while looking for keywords. A new study looked at screen and print reading differences among children ages ten to twelve, that three year period which is most critical in reading development. This is the time when students shift from learning to read, to reading to learn. The initial findings indicate a greater depth of processing when reading from the printed page. Deeper comprehension and deeper learning occur. Since more and more kids are reading off screens, this could indicate the declines in text comprehension skills of thirteen year olds. Parents, don’t throw out the books. And most of all, keep your kids reading printed Bibles.

As he closes out his second letter to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul writes this: “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.” Paul’s desire for the Corinthians is the desire we should have for ourselves, that we are constantly working to be sure that we are staying on course as we progress in our growth in the Christian faith. I recently read this great suggestion from Donald T. Williams. He writes, “Whenever I am tempted to think that my sanctification is progressing rather well, I ask myself the following questions. Do I yet obey Jesus the way he deserves to be obeyed? Do I yet trust Jesus the way he deserves to be trusted? Do I yet love Jesus the way he deserves to be loved?” As Christian parents, we need to constantly be looking into the mirror as our lives are illuminated under the truths of God’s Word. These questions are so helpful, and they are questions we must teach our kids to ask of themselves for the rest of their lives.

I recently read a Touchstone Magazine interview with Princeton University professor Dr. Robert George, where he warns Christians about buying into the concepts of sexual orientation and gender identity. He says that these categories are modern inventions. He goes on to say that it has very bad consequences if we enable Christians who experience same-sex desire or gender dysphoria, which as a matter of feeling is a reality”, that it actually is reality. He says that we should never ridicule those who struggle as they do deserve our care. He writes, “They need to be told the truth. And it’s not telling them the truth to say that, ‘well, your gender identity is female while your sex is male.” The ninth commandment tells us that we shall not bear false witness, or lie, to our neighbor. Parents, this couldn’t be more important for us to embrace as we interact with our children in a world of gender confusion. Tell them the truth about who God made them to be.

The law of cause and effect is a universal law which states that for every single action in the universe, a reaction is produced no matter what. I’ve seen the principle of cause and effect active in my own life in so many ways. For example, when I eat more, I gain weight. And conversely, when I eat less and exercise more, I lose weight. As we approach the twenty-year mark since the advent of smartphones, we’re learning more about cause and effect as it relates to technology. New research from the dcdx marketing firm reports that seventy three percent of young people ages fifteen to seventeen report sometimes or always feeling alone. This rise parallels a rise in the amount of screentime. It’s not a stretch to conclude that more time spent with screens means less time with people, thereby leading to loneliness. The triune God has made us for relationships, first and foremost with him, and then with family and friends. Help your kids disconnect in order to reconnect with others.

For our kids, especially our girls, there is an ever-present pressure causing them stress and anxiety that is undermining their mental and physical health. The pressure I’m talking about is the pressure they feel to conform their body shape and weight to appearance standards that value thinness as the passport to acceptance. Because this pressure is so strong during adolescence, our teens are vulnerable to not only feeling the pressure, but trying to answer the pressure by enlisting the dangerous practice of using weight-loss products. Over six percent of American teens report using a weight-loss product in the last thirty days, with instances that are higher among girls. Researchers say there’s a correlation between the use of these products in girls with low self-esteem, parental influence to lose weight, self-body dissatisfaction, and peer groups that value thinness. Parents, buffer the pressure by helping your kids value the development of their insides, rather than their outsides.

Why do so many parents tiptoe gingerly around their children in today’s world? More and more parents are afraid to step up, take the reins, and assume their God-given position of authority. Instead, parents have become like butlers, available to wait on and serve their kids’ every desire and whim. Fearing rejection, we sometimes go against our better judgment and God’s design to say yes when we should be saying no. God established the family with a pecking order. Those who are older and wiser are charged with the duty of raising, nurturing, and protecting those who are young and not-so- wise. In other words, parents are to parent their children. Dad, mom: you have a God-given responsibility to love your teenager, to guide them through life, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their well-being. This means that there are times when you will have to teach your kids God’s will and way by saying no. Parent your teenagers to the glory of God!

Besides warning our kids about the spiritual and legal issues related to underage drinking, we must also warn them about the damage that underage drinking does to their still not-fully-formed brains. In today’s world, more and more kids are engaging in binge drinking. That is, consuming five or more drinks in a period of two hours. Researchers have now found conclusive evidence that drinking during adolescence can lead to structural damages in the brain that can easily result in memory and cognitive deficits that can persist into adulthood. In other words, drinking as a child or teen can effect the brain even if the person stops drinking as they go through life. Parents, talk to your kids about the dangers of drinking, and encourage them to be good stewards who care for their God-given bodies. Warn them about the dangers of exposure to high doses of alcohol during their adolescent years. What they choose to do now can and will affect them for the rest of their lives.

As a dad, I remember the concern I felt as my daughters started to enter puberty and transform according to God’s good design, from little girls into women. I knew that with the shift through adolescence they would face new pressures in a world that puts a premium on body image, sexuality, and appearance. We worked hard to prepare them, buffer them, and guide them through this stage, all the while endeavoring to lead them more deeply into a relationship with Jesus Christ. According to the latest research, those of you raising girls need to be on high alert at earlier ages, as the new data shows that puberty is starting earlier, with girls developing breasts as young as age six or seven. While not all the reasons are known, researchers have seen links with childhood obesity, exposure to environmental chemicals, and stress. While it might make you uncomfortable, we need to be having conversations about Godly sexuality and body image at younger and younger ages.