Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

In the past you’ve heard me say that roughly seventy-percent of our kids who play organized sports drop out by the age of thirteen. One of the main reasons cited is the pressure they feel from parents and coaches, a pressure that becomes unbearable and which drains the fun out of playing the sport. Now that we live in a social media saturated world, there seems to be a new reason for our kids to drop out of sports. A recent survey found that kids are dropping out due to the fact that they don’t think their bodies measure up to the idealized athletic body types they are seeing on social media. Researchers found that kids who had concluded they didn’t have the right body were defining the right body by what they saw on TikTok and Instagram. Not surprisingly this reason for dropping out was cited more often by our girls than by our boys. Parents, we need to promote the value of Godly character over body type, and we need to encourage our kids to play and have fun.

I remember what a qualified parenting expert I used to be. In fact, I was at my best in knowing how to parent correctly before I even had kids. And then our kids came. I had a lot of repenting to do, and I also needed to know where to look for the best advice. My bookshelf is filled with Christian parenting books that helped us along the way as we were raising our own kids. We also went to our parents for advice on many of the everyday tasks of parenting that sometimes left us confused and looking for help. Researchers at the University of Michigan are reporting that parents are now bypassing advice from their parents along with parenting books. Instead, and not surprising, they are going to social media for guidance on potty training, sleep issues, and child discipline. Here’s the rub: you can find anything on social media, and how do we know it’s trustworthy? We recommend that you navigate social media with caution, and filter any advice you receive through the lens of God’s Word.

I recently had to double-back to my office after leaving for the day. I found myself in a bit of a panic as I had left my smartphone on my desk. Truth be told, there was a part of me feeling that if I was not reunited with my phone, things could go bad very quickly. When I came to my senses, I realized that I had spent roughly two-thirds of my life without a smartphone, and the reality was that life was fine, and even better, in those good old land-line-only days. While our smartphones are helpful, there are so many ways in which they undermine our well-being. One such issue in today’s world is the issue of phones in school. One school district in Virginia found that about a third of the district’s teachers were telling kids to put their phones away five to ten times during a class period. Fifteen percent had to do so more than twenty times a class. Our kids physical, mental, and academic health is suffering. How is it affecting their spiritual health? Parents, we need to set limits!

As a dad, I remember the concern I felt as my daughters started to enter puberty and transform according to God’s good design, from little girls into women. I knew that with the shift through adolescence they would face new pressures in a world that puts a premium on body image, sexuality, and appearance. We worked hard to prepare them, buffer them, and guide them through this stage, all the while endeavoring to lead them more deeply into a relationship with Jesus Christ. According to the latest research, those of you raising girls need to be on high alert at earlier ages, as the new data shows that puberty is starting earlier, with girls developing breasts as young as age six or seven. While not all the reasons are known, researchers have seen links with childhood obesity, exposure to environmental chemicals, and stress. While it might make you uncomfortable, we need to be having conversations about Godly sexuality and body image at younger and younger ages.

One of the best lessons I learned from my parents is that there is more to life than sitting around and doing nothing. My parents were available to us on those quiet evenings when it would have been easy to plop down in front of the tube. But they always had something fun to do. We would play board games or cards, wrestle or box with my dad, build models, work in the basement woodshop, etc. Sure we watched TV, listened to the radio, and played records. But those voices were tempered by the involvement of our parents in our lives. We even learned to enjoy listening to our parents; there was good communication taking place. Because I had such fun-loving parents most of the neighborhood kids wanted to spend time at my house. In today’s world, the two greatest distractions to family time and fun are first, a full schedule of organized activities, and second, everyone keeping their faces buried in their phones. Make an effort to connect by disconnecting from the distractions.

I recently read a Touchstone Magazine interview with Princeton University professor Dr. Robert George, where he warns Christians about buying into the concepts of sexual orientation and gender identity. He says that these categories are modern inventions. He goes on to say that it has very bad consequences if we enable Christians who experience same-sex desire or gender dysphoria, which as a matter of feeling is a reality”, that it actually is reality. He says that we should never ridicule those who struggle as they do deserve our care. He writes, “They need to be told the truth. And it’s not telling them the truth to say that, ‘well, your gender identity is female while your sex is male.” The ninth commandment tells us that we shall not bear false witness, or lie, to our neighbor. Parents, this couldn’t be more important for us to embrace as we interact with our children in a world of gender confusion. Tell them the truth about who God made them to be.

I recently read a piece in the New York Times written by Callie Holterman. The headline read, “In candy shades and eggy shapes, many of today’s most popular vaping devices look like toys. Experts worry they will hook a new generation of users.” After reading the article, I went online to look through one of the many online vape outlets that serve as clearinghouses for a host of vaping devices and supplies. I was greeted with everything Holterman’s article discussed, along with four hundred and twenty different products from which to choose. I was invited to shop by brand or type, along with an option for shopping by flavor, with flavors listed being too long to mention here, but including things like Banana, Grape, Lush Ice, and Blue Razz. . . all designed to attract new young users. Parents, you need to know that vaping is not a safe alternative to smoking conventional cigarettes. They are addictive and dangerous. Teach your kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory.

The law of cause and effect is a universal law which states that for every single action in the universe, a reaction is produced no matter what. I’ve seen the principle of cause and effect active in my own life in so many ways. For example, when I eat more, I gain weight. And conversely, when I eat less and exercise more, I lose weight. As we approach the twenty-year mark since the advent of smartphones, we’re learning more about cause and effect as it relates to technology. New research from the dcdx marketing firm reports that seventy three percent of young people ages fifteen to seventeen report sometimes or always feeling alone. This rise parallels a rise in the amount of screentime. It’s not a stretch to conclude that more time spent with screens means less time with people, thereby leading to loneliness. The triune God has made us for relationships, first and foremost with him, and then with family and friends. Help your kids disconnect in order to reconnect with others.

In today’s world, one of the ways in which we divide people into groups and rate their value is according to their jobs. Parents, we have to teach our kids something different. I love these words of truth from Abraham Kuyper: "Preachers and plumbers aren't any different. What God requires of them each is the same: not a dime's less than everything. Missionaries are no more holy than factory workers or soccer players or the unemployed. Life, lived near unto God, is holy service. . . Whether you do art, bus tables, lay concrete, clean toilets, bring up kids, care for the elderly, perform brain surgery, pump gas, clean teeth, play football, or shine shoes - no matter what you do - do it to his honor and glory. After all, our life is a whole, the component parts of which - play, duty, leisure - must be wrapped in our love like a present, then laid at the feet of our God." Parents, God has gifted your children in unique ways. Teach them to live into their gifts, that all work matters to God, and all work brings him glory!

The Genesis eleven story of the tower of Babel is one we need to pay attention to in our social media saturated world. In his book, This World is Not My Home, Mark Johnston writes that man’s motive behind the vast tower of Babel efforts was, as we read in Genesis eleven four, “to make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.” Johnston continues, “the Babel instinct in the human psyche has lingered on through the entire history of our race. From man’s attempts to literally build a name for himself by constructing great works of architectural genius, to his efforts to establish kingdoms and empires, human beings have tried to secure themselves in their world through all manner of tangible means. We try to build our own little worlds without God through our careers, achievements, families, and other things in the hope they will provide the security and sense of identity we crave.” Parents, teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ alone.

“Are you in a relationship?” “do you have boyfriend?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “Are you dating anyone?” These are all questions from curious friends and relatives that teenagers have historically had to navigate as part of the adolescent and young adult experience. It’s not unusual for the answers given to leave members of the older generation scratching their heads. You see, the nature of romantic relationships and how they are navigated by kids has changed over the years. Now, let me confuse you even more with a new term that’s being used: situationship. A situationship is defined as a romantic relationship that lacks any kind of commitment or traditional norms. If you’re in a situationship, it can include spending time together, affection, and sexual activity. It’s been described as more than a friendship and less than a committed relationship. This new reality must prompt us to teach what God’s Word says about friendships, dating, sexuality, and the beauty of covenantal marriage.

Parents, there is some interesting news about teenagers and sex coming out of the University of California, San Francisco. Researchers asked four thousand adolescents from seven hundred and fifty one neighborhoods and one hundred and fifteen schools in Alabama, Texas, and California questions about the quality of their relationships in their homes and in their neighborhoods. Questions focused on how much time families and neighbors spend with one another. The research found that kids whose parents restricted their dating were fifty-five percent less likely to have sex by tenth grade. Other factors contributing to the decision to not have sex by tenth grade include spending less time at home alone, coming from a cohesive family, and living in a close-knit neighborhood. We shouldn’t be surprised that valuing and building up our families and relationships with our kids would have this result. God desires us to nurture our children in the faith, raising them in a Christian home.

If you attend a church that has coffee available on Sunday mornings, you might have noticed that there are more and more children and teens heading to the pots for a cup of the caffeine-infused beverage. Researchers at the C.S. Mott Children’s hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan are telling us that surveys of parents indicate that thirty-one percent of thirteen to eighteen year olds are drinking coffee regularly. We already know that our kids have been chugging down other types of caffeine infused drinks for years. It’s no surprise that average daily caffeine intake has risen among children and teens over the years. When asked why they are drinking more caffeine, kids cite the fact that caffeine is in many of the drinks they love, along with pressure from their peers. Last year, Starbucks earned twenty one million dollars from teens using their app. Too much caffeine is harmful to our kids. That’s why we need to teach them to steward their bodies to God’s glory.

In a recent edition of Salvo magazine, physician Bruce Woodall describes a conversation he had with one of his patients, a young middle school girl named Jessica. Struggling with how her body was changing Woodall had the opportunity to talk through Jessica’s sense that she was born in the wrong body, and that she was actually transgender. Woodall asked lots of questions, listened intently, and answered her questions with truth. He says Jessica is an example of how insecurity among the young is fertile ground for the transgender ideology. He concludes with these words: “For the kids to be alright, they need the presence and guidance of adults – caring, rational adults who are vigilant and ready to listen so that the young person feels heard and seen but who are also ready to provide calm, clear reasoning as to why they should doubt the whole premise of transgender ideology, rather than doubting the reality and goodness of their own bodies.”

Parents, today I want to encourage you to step back and take stock of the preaching ministry at your church. You see, we are living in a day and age when the cultural agenda is shaping the content of many sermons, when it should be the Word of God faithfully interpreted and preached that should be shaping our response to the culture. In his excellent book, “Faithful Leaders and the Things That Matter Most”, Rico Tice tells leaders that the preacher God approves of, according to second Timothy two fifteen, is the one who correctly handles the word of truth. Tice says that the faithful preaching of God’s Word will feed souls, while false teaching feeds on souls. He writes, “False teaching dazzles, then it distorts, then it diverts, and finally it destroys.” In order to faithfully fulfill our nurturing responsibilities as Christian parents, we need to be regularly fed as we sit under the faithful preaching of God’s Word. Are you at a church which upholds biblical authority?

Today, I want to mention a youth culture trend that is not only shaping the lives of children and teens, but adults as well. Specifically, I’ve seen this trend take root and grow among many who lead and guide kids, and who should know better. I’m talking about youth pastors. Just as our kids are pushed to promote themselves and pursue fame and a following through social media, the same pressure pushes on us. Youthworkers, Jesus spent his life pursuing faithfulness rather than fame. How would things change if we did the same? Are you caving to the pressure to build an online following and recognition? I think our ministries would thrive if we would stop this kind of nonsense. Wouldn’t it be freeing if we weren’t always worrying about and wasting time developing a following? I’m reminded of the words of my friend and youth ministry veteran Rich Van Pelt, “You take care of the depth of your ministry. Then, let Jesus take care of the breadth of your ministry.”

If you’ve got kids who play youth sports, and that’s true for the majority of parents these days, I want to share with you some words from Linda Flanagan in her excellent book, “Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports, and Why It Matters.” Flanagan writes, “Travis Dorsch heads a team at Utah State University that looks at how spending on sports affects families. His research found that the more money parents devote to a child’s sport, the less the child enjoys it, and the more pressure he or she feels. At the same time, the more parents pay, the more emotionally invested they become in the outcome of their child’s games. Children who understand that their parents might seek a return on the investment they’ve made lose their athletic verve. The intrinsic delight of playing gets squashed by parental pressures.” Parents, are you listening? There’s nothing wrong with youth sports. But when we idolize sports and our kids success, we are in the wrong, and it hurts them.

In recent months, we are hearing more and more stories of detransitioners who are renouncing and speaking out about their prior self-identification of being transgender. Research in the journal, Archives of Sexual Behavior, reports on interviews with seventy-eight individuals from the United States, ages eighteen to thirty-three who had stopped identifying as transgender at least six months prior to the interview. Their average age for first identifying as transgender was seventeen point one years of age, and they had done so for an average of five point four years before detransitioning. Eighty three percent had taken steps to transition socially, and sixty-eight percent had taken at least one medical step. Most reported that they had embraced the ideology because of prior mental health issues and trauma. They report better psychological health since detransitioning. These stories are becoming more widespread, and we shouldn’t be surprised.

David Adamovich is regarded as the worlds greatest knife thrower. He’s known as the “Great Throwdini,” and in his performances, he works with a “target girl’ who gets strapped to a spinning wheel. Adamovich then works to carefully throw his sharp and sparkling knives close to her head and body without hitting her. As I watched Adamovich do his thing, I wondered what was going through the head of his target girl. My guess is that she was thinking, “He’d better get this right!” And Adamovich had to be thinking, “I better get this right.” As parents we’d better get it right. This is especially true as we teach our kids about sex and sexuality in a culture where anything goes. The reality is that to get it right, we have to be true to the Scriptures interpreted correctly, and embraced and taught by the church over her long two-thousand year history. Parents, get it right by knowing and teaching the truths of God’s Word with accuracy and precision!

When Jesus told his followers the parable of the Good Samaritan, he wanted his listeners to know that if they had embraced their purpose in life to follow him, they would then view anyone in need as a neighbor. They would follow in the footsteps of the Samaritan who gave everything in response to the wounded man’s need. Those who are followers of Christ are called to self-sacrificing lives of compassion. The message of today’s market-driven world is the exact opposite. Instead of looking out for others, we are to look out for number one. In this kind of world, there is a decrease in generosity and an increase in selfishness. In this kind of world there is less concern for neighbor and more concern for self. In this kind of world there is a decline in civility. In this kind of world we do anything and everything possible – including using people as means to our ends – to get ahead of anyone and everyone else. This is not who we are called to be. Lead your kids to show the compassion of Christ.

When I was in elementary school, I remember pulling a stool up to the medicine cabinet in my grandparent’s bathroom in order to grab my grandfather’s old spice decanter, from which I would splash on a healthy dose of the cologne. Of course, I never got away with it due to everyone smelling the evidence of what I had done. In today’s world, Old Spice and other cheaper cologne brands like it are now frowned upon by our kids. Thanks to a new viral TikTok trend, what’s called smellmaxxing has boys as young as ten spending large amounts of money on designer colognes. Piper Sandler reports that teen boys’ annual spending on fragrances jumped twenty-six percent last year. The trend is being fueled by people like the young TikTok influencer known as the cologne boy who has well over a million followers. And once some kids buy in, peer influence leads others to follow. This new trend offers parents an opportunity to talk about identity, financial stewardship, and the trap of coolness.

It’s no secret that the arrival of the internet, the smartphone, and social media have made pornography easily accessible to all kids. Perhaps you’ve already seen and heard the evidence about the addictive nature of visual pornography, among both our boys and our girls. The folks at defendyoungminds.com are now sounding the warning about the proliferation of pornographic literature among our teenage girls, and what it’s not only doing to their minds, but to their beliefs and behaviors regarding God’s good gift of sexuality. The exposure to and use of erotic lit and lit porn is a gateway into pornography and the desensitization and sexualization that is taking place in our young girls. Parents, we encourage you to monitor what your kids are reading, along with what they are looking at online. Talk to your kids about the addictive and destructive nature of pornography, along with God’s good and glorious design for their sexuality. They are sexual beings, so nurture them properly.

Recently, my wife and I were having a conversation with a couple of single young women who were lamenting the fact that they were not yet married. We certainly didn’t want to discourage them, but we also didn’t want to encourage the cultural notion that in order to be happy and fulfilled, one must be married. We also didn’t want to encourage any false ideas that suggest that once you are married, you are in for smooth sailing. After our conversation, I got to thinking about our need to help our kids understand two things about marriage. First, God has designed and ordained marriage. He wants a man and a woman to commit to each other. But there’s a second side. We have to let our kids know that marriage is not a cure-all. In fact, when two broken people come together, they commit to living with the brokenness of another. But with God as the cement that keeps them committed and moving forward, marriage will be a blessed, yet sometimes difficult road.

Parents, as you help your kids learn how to steward their God-given bodies to His glory by maintaining their health, you need to keep in mind some new research findings from Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia regarding our kids and high blood pressure. Hypertension is a health issue here in the U.S., and you might surprised to learn that it’s not just a problem for adults. One in seven kids ages twelve to nineteen have hypertension. Traditionally, doctors have blamed being overweight and a lack of physical exercise as causal factors. But now, they are citing an additional cause: lack of adequate sleep. Did you know kids under the age of six need ten to thirteen hours of sleep per night for healthy growth and development? Kids ages six to twelve need nine to twelve hours a night. Those ages thirteen to eighteen need eight to ten hours per night. Take stock of how much sleep your kids are getting, and be sure that their phones are removed from their rooms overnight.

Today we conclude this week’s look at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. The strategy we need to address is one that is difficult, simply because it’s employed in times of deep family pain and hurt. It’s our need to respond redemptively to our kids’ sin, failures, and mistakes. All teens – like us – face temptation. And all teens – like us – will make dangerous and sinful choices. Your goal should be to help the kids you know and love redeem these situations by turning a sinful mistake into an opportunity for the teen to experience God’s grace, and become a more Christlike person. Don’t ever write off a teen or a difficult situation as irredeemable. Rather, treat your teen as you know your heavenly father treats you when you are the offending party. Difficult times will come. Parents, we are called to love and lead our kids to wholeness through repentance and restoration.

This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. One important strategy is to respond preventively to the negative cultural forces your kids face. As the parent of four children, I knew enough about young kids to know that they might wander into the street, talk to strangers, or reach for hot objects. As a result, I did my best to help them learn not to. Likewise, if we care about the spiritual health of our students, we should answer any faulty directions given by the map of today’s youth culture in a preventive fashion. We need to pass on valuable information we’ve learned about life so that our kids adopt values, attitudes, and behaviors that keep them from harm and provide for their well being. Parents, God has given you the responsibility to provide sound preventive guidance and direction to your kids. Think with them about how God wants them to live in His world.

This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. Make an intentional effort to look for and seize opportunities to speak biblical truth into their lives in response to the realities that exist. In effect, you are preaching the truths of the Gospel to your kids. Looking in the soup of youth culture will reveal the realities that exist. Spending time with Jesus in his word will shape your biblically faithful response. At times, you will find yourself affirming that the map of culture is sending students in the right direction. At other times, you’ll challenge the map when it sends them down the wrong road. If you’re a youth worker, look for every opportunity to point kids in the right direction. And if you’re a parent, don’t ever forget that God has given you primary responsibility for the spiritual nurture of your children. Lead the kids you know and love to the truth.

This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. To begin, we must continually work to know how the culture is changing. One theologian once said that “every Christian should start their day with the Bible in one hand and a newspaper in the other.” This is great advice. Look at the changing soup of youth culture by listening to what they listen to, reading what they read, and watching what they watch. Keep your ears and eyes open for news stories about them, advertisements targeting them and artwork done by them. Observe kids and their posts on social media. Like the apostle Paul when he found himself in the pagan city of Athens, don’t open your mouth until you’ve opened your ears and eyes. The world of our children and teens is changing at breakneck speed. It’s our responsibility to know what’s happening so that we can effectively cross-cultures into their world.

Culture is what we believe, what we do and how we live our lives from day to day. It binds us to those who think and live in similar manner. It’s the values, attitudes and behaviors that drive how we live our lives. I’ve always found it helpful to view youth culture as the soup our kids swim in everyday. Consequently, if we want to engage students for the sake of the gospel, we’d better take the time to know what’s in the soup. In one of my local restaurants, the soup bar features three selections. I’ve watched how people choose their soup. They lift the lid off the pot, stir the soup, lift the ladle, and examine the soup’s ingredients. If we are to effectively engage our students with the truths of the gospel, we must step up to their world, lift the lid and look carefully at the unique and ever-changing mix of cultural elements they swim in everyday. All this week we’ll be looking at ways to engage the soul of today’s youth culture.

Today, I want to take a minute to offer some encouragement to parents who are enduring difficult times with their kids. If you’re currently struggling as a parent, you are not alone. All of us are broken people raising broken kids. But there’s another way in which you are not alone. The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm fifty-five of God’s never-ending presence and faithfulness, even when it seems like he’s not there. We read, “I call to God and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Parents, when God seems silent, His work in your life is moving forward in powerful ways. Don’t decide to be fooled by what seems like silence. God is always at work for His glory and our good. So even though the burden is heavy today, be encouraged.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, the demands made by those who embrace the transgender ideology are everywhere. Front and center over the last couple of years is the controversy surrounding whether or not biological men should be allowed to participate in girls and women’s sports if they choose to identify as transgender. What the conversation needs from parents is a clear commitment to tell our kids the truth about gender and God’s good design. Salvo Magazine reports on Sage Steele, a former ESPN Sportscenter co-host who was told by the network to keep her opinions on transgenderism in sport to herself. Steele says, “I was like, no. And let’s stop living in this lie. I literally said, this is the hill I will die on one hundred percent because these are facts. This is science. Come at me. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me to stop supporting women. Go ahead, tell me.” Steele’s words remind us that God calls his followers to be strong and courageous with the truth!

One of the questions I’ve been asked by parents most often over the last few years is this: How old should my child be before I get them a smartphone? Of course, most kids are pressuring their parents, playing into the guilt of raising kids who they fear will be left out of what everyone else is doing. But we need to push that pressure aside in order to make wise and Godly decisions that are not based on our kids’ desires, but on what constitutes God’s best for them. Recently, more and more news stories are popping up reporting two very positive trends in this area. First, a growing number of schools are considering and implementing no-smartphone policies during the school day. A second positive trend involves parents in schools, communities, and churches who are banding together and committing to signing pledges to not give their children smartphones until after middle school. Parents, joining forces in this way is sure to benefit our kids in more ways that we can imagine.

Many of the new words that have entered into our English vocabulary in recent years are words that have come into existence thanks to the advent and growth of social media and technology. One of those words that has been sparked by a new trend, is sadfishing. Sadfishing is a growing trend among teenagers that offers insights into some of the pressures and mental health issues facing our kids. Sadfishing is a term referring to social media users who exaggerate their emotional state through their online postings with the goal of attracting the attention of others and generating their sympathy. Typically this is done through sad photos and quotes. We need to pay attention to the sadfishing efforts of the kids we know, as going online might be an effort to get somebody to listen, when nobody else is listening to them. In addition, the cry for attention reveals deep relational needs. Parents, build your relationships with your kids, so that they come first to you.

In his book “Digital Liturgies: Rediscovering Christian Wisdom in an Online Age”, Samuel D. James describes how our liturgies, or the repeated habits we have developed in the way use technology, have served to deform us in five specific ways. First, our time online in digital environments fosters a kind of inauthenticity as we center on ourselves. Second, our growing amount of online time fuels outrage by constantly feeding us information and misinformation that polarizes us from others. Third, we can shame others, or be shamed ourselves, often resulting in getting canceled. We don’t discuss our differences anymore. Fourth, we are driven into a lifestyle of consumption, as the algorithms feed us more and more of the content that grabs our attention and focus. Finally, we get lost in the meaningless of the online world. We’re starting to see what happens when we spend time scrolling on our phones, rather than through the pages of God’s Word.

One starting point in the process of leading our teenagers to faith and spiritual maturity is to face the truth about who teenagers are and the uniqueness of their life stage. We must constantly seek answers to these questions: What is their world like? What makes them tick? What changes are they experiencing? What questions are they asking? Why do they think and act the way they do? And while we ask those questions, we must never forget, as Eugene Peterson says, that “there are no well-adjusted adolescents. Adolescence is, by definition, maladjustment. And getting adjusted is a strenuous and often noisy process.” In addition, we must approach our task as parents of teens not as punishment, a problem, or a cross to bear, but as a wonderful opportunity to depend on our Heavenly Father, while teaching our impressionable teens to do the same. Parents, never forget that you have been stewarded by God with the gift of your children, and that you are an instrument in His hands!

As I’ve gotten older, it’s become more and more clear to me that my grandkids are growing up in a world that’s markedly different than the one I grew up in. Recently, I was looking back at some YouTube videos of talk shows and news broadcasts from the 1960s. I had forgotten just how common smoking cigarettes while on camera actually was. Then as the health risks became known, a Surgeon General’s warning was mandated for cigarette packs in 1965. By 1971, all cigarette ads were banned from radio and tv. Last month, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, in a New York Times opinion piece wrote this: It is time to require a Surgeon General’s warning label on social media platforms, stating that social media is associated with significant mental health harms for adolescents. While there may be some debates moving forward, the message is clear: we as parents need to do our due diligence on monitoring, limiting, and even banning social media for our kids.

Have you heard about Abigail Shrier’s new book, “Bad Therapy: Why The Kids Aren’t Growing Up”? In the book, Shrier helps us to understand parenting approaches and habits we’ve adopted in recent years which are believed to produce happy, healthy and well-adjusted kids. As Christian parents, we should desire first and foremost to raise kids who launch into adulthood with the overarching goal of living their lives to the glory of their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But this kind of well-intentioned but bad parenting Shrier calls out can also be adopted by Christian parents. Shrier writes, “We adopted a therapeutic approach to parenting. Successful parenting became a function with a single coefficient: our kids’ happiness at any given instant. An ideal childhood meant no pain, no discomfort, no fights, no failure – and absolutely no hint of trauma.” Parents, are we or are we not prepping our kids for the life of discipleship that requires taking up one’s cross and denying one’s self?

A few years ago, we began to take notice of all the ads for Botox that were running on television. Botox promised to remedy our dissatisfaction with the wrinkles and creases we were increasingly seeing as we looked in the mirror. Stopping the aging process has become a cultural obsession, which reveals the deeper theological reality that none of us like the march we’re on through aging and to death as a result of human sin. A recent article in the New York Times reports that our teenagers are now engaged with a viral trend related to an anti-aging and expensive skin-smoothing product known as Brazilian Bum Bum Cream. Not only should we be concerned that our kids are now working to stop the effects of aging, but also about spending their money wisely. You see, an eight ounce jar of Brazilian Bum Bum Cream sells for forty-eight dollars. Parents, let’s teach our kids to find their identity in Christ, not appearance, and teach them to spend wisely.

There’s an old familiar song from composer George Gershwin that might serve to motivate you to take some action related to social media and smartphones if you’re heading out with your family for vacation in the coming weeks. The song is called “Summertime” and it was written ninety years ago for the opera “Porgy and Bess.” There’s one line from “Summertime” that starts echoing in my head every year when the calendar flips to July. “It’s summertime, and the living is easy” goes the song. But I’m not sure we’re too successful these days in our efforts to find much-needed rest and relaxation. One barrier is how tethered we’ve become to our phones. This is the case not only for our kids, but for us as adults too. So, here’s a strategy for increasing your chances for rest and relaxation this summer. Why not power down the phones and stay off social media so that you can focus your attention on the other members of your family? God has made us for rest and relationships!

In John fifteen, Jesus uses a gardening allegory to tell his followers about healthy and vibrant spiritual growth and development. Jesus explains that when we enter into a relationship with Him there is a life-giving connection along with a sustaining maintenance procedure that we must willingly and actively pursue if we are to bloom, grow, and bear fruit as He intends us to. In effect, he describes how we are to be “hitched” or connected to Him as a branch is to a vine. Our fruit-bearing and growth is increased by the sometimes painful process of pruning, which removes dead or overgrown parts so that we might become more productive. What is the secret to this kind of growth? Jesus says the secret is this: “Abide in me.” The word abide is used ten times in this passage. It describes a kind of “hitching” to our life-source, Jesus Christ. Parents, as we abide in Jesus, His life begins to permeate and transform us, keeping us spiritually vibrant, healthy, and fruitful.

I recently ran across another clear example of how secular science confirms what we know as Christians to be most beneficial to our teens as they navigate the difficult years of adolescence. Researchers at the University of Southern California have been looking how a teenager’s thinking influences their brain development, for better or for worse. Using interviews, functional mri’s, and ongoing surveys, researchers found that teenagers who engaged in what they called transcendent thinking showed more brain development and greater amounts of happiness over time. Transcendent thinking is the thinking that is done which moves beyond the moment and the immediate context to think about the bigger story of life. When I read the report, I couldn’t help but think about the impact that thinking about the bigger story of the bible is the kind of transcendent thinking that not only encourages healthy brain development, but transforms our kids lives! Preach the gospel to your kids!

Adoniram and Ann Judson, were the first foreign missionaries from the U.S., departing for their work in Burma back in 1812. When young Adoniram approached Ann’s father to ask for her hand in marriage, he wrote these words: “I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure for a heathen land, and her subjection to the hardships and suffering of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death.” Ann’s father eagerly consented and released his daughter into God’s service for the sake of the spread of the Gospel. Fourteen years later, Ann died in Burma from smallpox. Are you willing to release your kids into into the hands of God for the sake of the spread of the Gospel?

When we think about teenagers and addiction, it is important that we engage in preventive efforts in order to keep kids from getting addicted. This holds true when it comes to device and screen addiction, which will become more of an issue in years to come. Experts are telling us that if we would take time to set limits and borders now, we would prevent addiction and these marks of screen addiction: feeling uneasy or grumpy when you cannot use your device. Avoiding breaks while spending long periods of time on your device. Ignoring other activities including reading and going outside. Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Physical issues including eye, back, and neck strain. Gaining weight due to inactivity. And finally, having difficulty conversing and interacting socially. Parents, life in our smartphone world is a life primed for addiction, that is, unless we intervene now keeping phones away from young children, and limiting screentime for older kids.

When difficult decisions. . . or even the little decisions of life. . . need to be made, what authority do you consult for guidance? All of us make thousands of choices a day, and every one of those choices is made based on some standard or authority. For the Christian, it is the authority of God’s Word that should form the basis of all of our decisions. The writer of Proverbs tells us that the discerning person deliberately “sets his face toward” or “focuses the gaze of his eyes” on wisdom. In other words, biblical discernment comes when we intentionally focus on the truths of God’s Word, trusting that God has given us those truths in order to provide guidance in every decision, either large or small. What motivates us to keep our eyes toward wisdom is our desire to love, serve, follow, and ultimately glorify God in all things. Bruce Waltke writes, “The eyes of the wise focus on wisdom, which in turn serves them well, but the fool’s focus flits from one godless, unattainable thing to another that does not profit him.”

Today, we come to the end of our week-long long look at researcher Ellen Galinsky’s new book about teenagers, “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”. In it, Galinsky lists five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. As Christian parents, we should pay special attention to the fifth message she heard from kids: “We want to learn stuff that’s useful.” Galinsky lists these skills as understanding other’s perspectives, how to communicate effectively, how to work with others, and how to set goals. While these skills are all good, we need to make sure that the way our kids understand and use these skills is rooted in the Gospel and a commitment to live a faithful life of Christian discipleship. In other words, these skills must not be used to advance the kingdom of me, myself, and I. Rather, these skills should serve the higher goal of bringing glory to God. Parents, nurture your kids in the Christian faith!

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The fourth message she heard is this: “Understand our needs.” Obviously, we have a parental responsibility to provide food and shelter for our kids. But from the biblical perspective, we learn that human needs extend far beyond those that promote and protect physical growth and safety. As Christians, we know that our greatest and most pressing need is for salvation, and we know that God in His grace has provided a way for our redemption through the cross of Jesus Christ. Of course, it most likely that the teens Galinsky researched did not mention salvation as a need. But this is where we as parents come in, as we nurture our children in the Lord.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The third message she heard is this: “Don’t stereotype us.” Just like us, our teenagers don’t want to be pigeon-holed into stereotypes. For example, not all teens are anxious. Not all teens are addicted to their phones. And not all teens are entitled. If we label our kids in these ways we are setting the table for them to live into those stereotypes. As Christian parents, we need to not only recognize the unique ways in which they’ve been created and gifted by God, but their potential to live into God’s glorious and grand design for their lives, rather than some stereotype. Parents, get to know your kids for who they are as unique individuals.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The second message to parents is this: “Talk with us, not at us.” As our kids develop through the adolescent years, their brains are moving from thinking in black and white terms, to being able to think more abstractly, which means their on the pathway to having fully wired-up adult brains, sometime during their mid-twenties. As parents, we need to avoid the temptation to continue to think for them, as if they are still children. Rather, we need to think with them so that we might then train them to think for themselves. As Christian parents, we want to prepare our kids for a lifetime of thinking in ways that lead them to glorify God in all areas of their lives.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, I want to look at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. First, teenagers say they want parents to “Understand our development.” I agree. We need to understand the different stages our kids go through as they grow. As Christians, we can see God’s grand and glorious design for human growth and development as amazing sequence of stages where kids mature physically, emotionally, cognitively, relationally, and spiritually. Gaining a working understanding of each stage gives us the ability to set realistic expectations for our kids, informs our approach to discipline, and gives us insights into how to most effectively nurture them in the Christian faith in age-appropriate ways.

There’s a growing amount of research pointing to the fact that smartphones and social media are undermining the well-being of our kids when borders, boundaries, and safeguards are not enacted. Recently, the American Psychological Association released a report on the science of how social media affects our youth, specifically looking at the risks associated with content, features, and functions. One of the opening paragraphs of the report says, “Platforms built for adults are not inherently suitable for youth. Youth require special protection due to areas of competence or vulnerability as they progress through the childhood, teenage, and late adolescent years.” The report warns that chronological age is not directly associated with social media readiness. In other words, just because a platform requires a child to be thirteen in order to download the app, that doesn’t mean it is safe and harmless. Parents, are you tracking with the data that will help your parent wisely?