Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

A couple of years I heard some very challenging words from the parents of a ten-year-old girl. They were part of a roomful of parents attending a seminar where I was speaking about kids, technology, and social media. At the end of the evening I asked if anyone had any questions. The young father raised his hand and said this. “A year ago we got our ten-year-old daughter a smartphone thinking that we were being good parents by protecting her from danger. But we have realized that we weren’t protecting her from danger, but actually putting a greater danger in her hands.” The parents were now thinking about how to pull back and remove the device that had very quickly become a time-consuming distraction and addiction. I’m sharing this father’s words with you for you to think about as you consider if and when you will put a smartphone in the hands of your child. Proverbs 27:12 tells us, “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”

While on a recent speaking trip down south, I got up early on a Saturday morning and walked to the only restaurant open for breakfast at that time in the morning. I was greeted by the teenage clerk with a loud and hearty “Welcome!”, something you don’t hear much at five am from anyone anywhere. A few pleasantries were exchanged with him and I ordered my food. Thinking I was going to pay with a card, he pointed down to the terminal where I was being asked about adding a tip. “Oh, I’m paying with cash,” I said. I handed him a ten dollar bill and said, “Keep the rest for you and your crew.” He was overjoyed. Oops. I then realized that I hadn’t given him a ten, but a twenty! There was no back-pedaling on my part. He called the entire crew out and they thanked me effusively for the two hundred percent tip! Their joy gave me joy, and I was reminded that all work matters to God. There is no such thing as menial work, and we must value everyone, regardless of their job or status.

Have you heard about the social media fueled appearance trend known as “looksmaxxing”? That’s spelled l-o-o-k-s-m-a-x-x-i-n-g. The term originated in online communities centered around what’s known as the involuntary celibate, or “incil” for short, cohort of young males. Incels would like to be in romantic and sexual relationships, but they blame women for their celibate status, primarily caused by the fact that women don’t find them attractive. So they engage in looksmaxxing, which is the process of maximizing their own physical attractiveness. Softmaxxing efforts include hair care, skin care, diet, and exercise. Hardmaxxing involves more radical interventions like plastic surgery. Parents, appearance pressure is real. Help your kids understand that nobody can meet these narrow and unrealistic standards, and that they must rest their identity in who they are as adopted sons and daughters of God. God is a God who looks on the heart, not on the outward appearance.

As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of and sensitive to electronic addiction in all of its forms. We must understand its threat, presence and impact. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing both ourselves and our children to understand, process and live with electronic media in ways that bring honor and glory to God. UK communications regulation firm Ofcom says that we might not be doing a very good job in preventing electronic addiction. Their data shows that among five to seven year olds, sixty five percent are making voice or video calls, fifty percent are watching livestream apps and sites, forty one percent are gaming online, and thirty eight percent are using social media apps or sites. Parents, our habits are formative. Good habits form us, and bad habits deform us. Lead your kids into God’s Word and World, rather than into electronic addiction.

All truth is God's truth, and sometimes that truth comes across in places where we don't expect it. In a recent cover story in Elle magazine, actress Demi Moore talked about the struggle she's had with her body image. This is a struggle that's shared by all of our girls who are growing up in a social media saturated world where standards of beauty are put before them 24/7 through the images they see on their screens. Seeing all these images, most girls feel like they don't measure up and never will. Moore told Elle magazine, “I changed my body multiple times through different roles and I think I chose those roles whether it was conscious or not for the very opportunity to find some peace and self love. And when I did find that, it was only by really surrendering and letting go of what the outside was going to look like.” Parents, we need to instill in our daughters the truth of God's word, That their value and worth comes through the fact that they are divine image bearers who are to find their identity in him.

I’ve had numerous conversations over the years with parents who have received troubling phone calls where they are given bad news about a child. Some parents have told me that after a few of these calls, they become like Pavlov’s dog, being triggered into anxiety and fear by the ring of the phone, even though there’s no reason to believe that the caller is calling with more bad news. Mental health professionals are now reporting on a similar trend among young people that’s been labeled “telephobia”, which is a fear of phone calls sparked by social anxiety. Counselor Stephanie Wiijkstrom explains it this way: “In our digital age, texting and online messaging serve as our primary modes of communication, and we often feel less vulnerable and more comfortable than in a live conversation or phone call.” Parents, this is a consequence of our digital age, and we need to reverse this by involving our kids in verbal interactions and conversations with others from the time their born.

There’s a concerning new trend among the emerging generations that offers up evidence of their deep search for meaning and purpose in life. It’s known as “shifting”, and it encompasses efforts by young people to escape their earthly presence and reality by transporting their consciousness into alternate realities. Reports from those who track with the trend online tell us that some want to escape into the world of Hogwarts or the Marvel Universe. Practitioners will oftentimes lie on the ground counting backwards while they visualize a desired reality, hoping to transport themselves into that world as an escape from the difficulties of this world. We need to be aware of this trend which not only fosters a desire to escape from the embodied reality we’ve been given by God, but is a supernatural foothold for the enemy to exploit. What shifters are ultimately searching for is a relationship with God, which should motivate us all the more to point them to Jesus.

The latest report from the Pew Research Center not only helps us understand where our teens ages thirteen to seventeen are spending time online, but should light a fire under us to exercise diligence and regularity about helping our teens practice what we call digital discipleship. It’s not surprising that YouTube is hands down the most used online platforms for kids, with nine out of ten saying they use the site. Seventy three percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds say they visit YouTube daily. Six in ten say they visit the TikTok video site daily. With our kids consuming so much video content on a daily basis, we need to teach them to use wisdom and discernment regarding what they see, along with limiting the amount of time they spend scrolling through videos. Ask them about what they are seeing. Ask them to share what they see with you. And train them to embrace content that furthers their faith, while avoiding that which is not good, true, and honorable.

Late last month, an article appeared on the USA Today website under the headline, “These teenage boys were blackmailed online- and it cost them their lives.” Above the headline was a collage of photos of smiling, happy teens, each of whom had died by suicide after getting caught up in an online trap called financial sextortion. It’s a cybercrime that occurs when an online predator cultivates a friendly relationship with an unknowing young person who grows to trust the interactions, thinking that this person is a friend. Eventually the predator engages in sexually explicit conversation with the victim or convinces the victim to send a nude photograph. Immediately, the victim is threatened with exposure or jail time unless they send a large amount of money, sending message upon message stating such, which leads the victim to panic, which leads many to see no way out but suicide. Parents, the message here is clear: warn your kids to never engage online with someone they don’t know.

Today, I want to take a minute to offer some encouragement to parents who are enduring difficult times with their kids. If you’re currently struggling as a parent, you are not alone. All of us are broken people raising broken kids. But there’s another way in which you are not alone. The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm fifty-five of God’s never-ending presence and faithfulness, even when it seems like he’s not there. We read, “I call to God and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Parents, when God seems silent, His work in your life is moving forward in powerful ways. Don’t decide to be fooled by what seems like silence. God is always at work for His glory and our good. So even though the burden is heavy today, be encouraged.

“We did it, and we turned out ok.” Perhaps you’ve heard that line of reasoning from other parents regarding today’s teens and marijuana use. In fact, a government survey indicates that since 2015, the number of parents who believe there is a risk of harm from using marijuana has dropped, from just over thirty percent of parents, to just over twenty percent today. But researchers and medical professionals will tell you that we should actually be more concerned about the risks from marijuana use, as the impact of smoking today’s marijuana is actually greater on the developing and vulnerable brains of our kids. Experts report that in the 1960’s, the THC content of marijuana was two to three percent. Today, it is twenty percent or more, making it ten times more potent. Doctors are seeing increased psychotic events attributed to this increased potency. Parents, monitor your kids, and don’t approve of the use of marijuana or any other substances kids are choosing to abuse.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to develop the skill of knowing, understanding, and applying the truths of God’s Word to all of life, so that we might distinguish truth from error, wisdom from foolishness, and right from wrong. And, as we develop discernment, we must also guide our impressionable young children and teens into doing the same, teaching them a skill which is desperately needed in a world where the winds of culture are furiously blowing our kids around in ways that so easily lead to shipwreck. The Psalmist prays these words: “Teach me good judgment and knowledge, for I believe in your commandments”. Parents, look for and use the teachable moments everyday life brings to practice biblical discernment with your kids. When they become teenagers, we need to respect their developing cognitive abilities by thinking with them, so that we are preparing them for a lifetime of thinking with biblical discernment for themselves.

One of the best guides for how to pray for our kids is the parable of the sower, which can be found in Mark four. As Jesus is teaching about the power of Gospel to transform lives, he uses this well-known agricultural parable to explain the different responses people have to the Gospel, based on the condition of their heart. You see, just as good soil is needed for a seed to take root and grow, so it is with our hearts. As we think about our children and teens, we must be praying that their hearts would be like good soil, softened and prepared in ways that will receive the seed of the Gospel, which in turn will result in the spiritual fruit that marks a regenerate life. And while we are to trust in God’s Spirit to do the work of faith in our kids, we have been given the parental responsibility to nurture our kids in the truths of God’s Word so that the soil is ready to receive and grow the seed. Pray for your kids, that their hearts would be soft, rather than hard, rocky, or filled with weeds.

If you’ve got kids who play youth sports, and that’s true for the majority of parents these days, I want to share with you some words from Linda Flanagan in her excellent book, “Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports, and Why It Matters.” Flanagan writes, “Travis Dorsch heads a team at Utah State University that looks at how spending on sports affects families. His research found that the more money parents devote to a child’s sport, the less the child enjoys it, and the more pressure he or she feels. At the same time, the more parents pay, the more emotionally invested they become in the outcome of their child’s games. Children who understand that their parents might seek a return on the investment they’ve made lose their athletic verve. The intrinsic delight of playing gets squashed by parental pressures.” Parents, are you listening? There’s nothing wrong with youth sports. But when we idolize sports and our kids success, we are in the wrong, and it hurts them.

Advances in neurological science point to the amazing complexity of our God-made brains. Because their brains are still developing, our children, teens, and even young adults have what is called an underdeveloped impulse control. This makes them less prone to resist behavioral impulses and more prone to engage in risky behaviors perceived to bring some kind of immediate benefit, but which could also bring long-lasting negative consequences. In spiritual terms, this not only means that our kids are likely to lack wisdom and discernment, but more readily fall into sin. We need to teach them that as sinners, their default setting is to follow their sinful hearts more readily than they are to follow God’s Word. Which means that we must nurture them into knowing God’s good, life-giving Word, helping to expose sin. As their frontal lobes are still developing, they need parents who serve to train them in Godly decision-making and living.

When you were growing up, how many times did you hear your parents begin a sentence with these words: “When I was your age. . .” What usually followed was some kind of revelation comparing the relative ease of teenage life in your world, with the unimaginable difficulties your parents faced during their own adolescence. This includes the stereotypical account of walking ten miles to school in sub-zero weather and three feet of snow. Recently, Pew Research asked parents, “compared with twenty years ago, do you think being a teenager today is harder, easier or about the same?” Nearly seven out of ten parents say that it’s harder today, than it was twenty years ago. When asked about what has made it harder, it’s not surprising that social media and technology are what sit at the top of the list. It’s good that we’re waking up to this fact. It will be even better if we fulfill our God-ordained parenting responsibility by establishing borders and boundaries on all things technology.

Today, I want to mention a youth culture trend that is not only shaping the lives of children and teens, but adults as well. Specifically, I’ve seen this trend take root and grow among many who lead and guide kids, and who should know better. I’m talking about youth pastors. Just as our kids are pushed to promote themselves and pursue fame and a following through social media, the same pressure pushes on us. Youthworkers, Jesus spent his life pursuing faithfulness rather than fame. How would things change if we did the same? Are you caving to the pressure to build an online following and recognition? I think our ministries would thrive if we would stop this kind of nonsense. Wouldn’t it be freeing if we weren’t always worrying about and wasting time developing a following? I’m reminded of the words of my friend and youth ministry veteran Rich Van Pelt, “You take care of the depth of your ministry. Then, let Jesus take care of the breadth of your ministry.”

In this day and age where we are hearing more and more about the declining mental health of our kids, we need to come to an understanding of how changes in the nature of childhood are contributing to this epidemic. One of the clear causes has been the move from kids engaging in what’s called “free play,” to kids engaging in only adult-supervised organized sports, or remaining sedentary by spending so much time on screens. The Aspen Institute tells us that the benefits of childhood play are immediate and long term. Kids who physically play are physically and mentally healthier, they perform better in school, they are less likely to engage in drug use and other risky behaviors, and wind up being more productive as they move into the adult years. Additional research tells us that going outside to engage with friends in free play leads to greater resiliency for kids, as they learn how to relate with others and solve problems. Make it possible for your kids to play in this way.

“Are you in a relationship?” “do you have boyfriend?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “Are you dating anyone?” These are all questions from curious friends and relatives that teenagers have historically had to navigate as part of the adolescent and young adult experience. It’s not unusual for the answers given to leave members of the older generation scratching their heads. You see, the nature of romantic relationships and how they are navigated by kids has changed over the years. Now, let me confuse you even more with a new term that’s being used: situationship. A situationship is defined as a romantic relationship that lacks any kind of commitment or traditional norms. If you’re in a situationship, it can include spending time together, affection, and sexual activity. It’s been described as more than a friendship and less than a committed relationship. This new reality must prompt us to teach what God’s Word says about friendships, dating, sexuality, and the beauty of covenantal marriage.

Parents, today I want to encourage you to step back and take stock of the preaching ministry at your church. You see, we are living in a day and age when the cultural agenda is shaping the content of many sermons, when it should be the Word of God faithfully interpreted and preached that should be shaping our response to the culture. In his excellent book, “Faithful Leaders and the Things That Matter Most”, Rico Tice tells leaders that the preacher God approves of, according to second Timothy two fifteen, is the one who correctly handles the word of truth. Tice says that the faithful preaching of God’s Word will feed souls, while false teaching feeds on souls. He writes, “False teaching dazzles, then it distorts, then it diverts, and finally it destroys.” In order to faithfully fulfill our nurturing responsibilities as Christian parents, we need to be regularly fed as we sit under the faithful preaching of God’s Word. Are you at a church which upholds biblical authority?

One of the questions I’ve been asked by parents most often over the last few years is this: How old should my child be before I get them a smartphone? Of course, most kids are pressuring their parents, playing into the guilt of raising kids who they fear will be left out of what everyone else is doing. But we need to push that pressure aside in order to make wise and Godly decisions that are not based on our kids’ desires, but on what constitutes God’s best for them. Recently, more and more news stories are popping up reporting two very positive trends in this area. First, a growing number of schools are considering and implementing no-smartphone policies during the school day. A second positive trend involves parents in schools, communities, and churches who are banding together and committing to signing pledges to not give their children smartphones until after middle school. Parents, joining forces in this way is sure to benefit our kids in more ways that we can imagine.

The recently released U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents tells us that forty one percent of parents say that most days they are so stressed that they cannot function. Did you hear that? That’s four out of ten parents! At the end of the report, there is an action section which lists what parents and caregivers can do to reverse this trend. Three of the suggestions struck me as things that can happen in the context of our church ministries. First caring for yourself is a part of caring for your family. Are you sitting under the preaching and teaching of God’s Word, attending worship, and engaging in daily times with the Lord? Second, the report encourages nurturing connections with other parents and caregivers. Are you connecting with other parents in your church for fellowship, prayer, and support. Finally, empower yourself with information about mental health care. Are you going to the Scriptures to find rest and encouragement for your soul?

In his book, “The Patient Ferment of the Early Church”, Alan Kreider offers an explanation of how Christianity took root and grew in the Roman Empire, even though the church was marginalized, despised, and discriminated against. The parallels to the world we find ourselves inhabiting as Christians today is remarkably similar. Kreider explains that four things happened to advance the faith, and I believe we can and should enlist all four in our Christian parenting. First, there was patience. They didn’t hurry or push things along. Rather, they patiently trusted God to do His work. Second, they developed habitual behaviors of Christian commitment and character that not only grew their own faith, but offered a compelling witness to the surrounding culture. Third, they were committed to Christian education and worship. And finally, there was a kind of ferment happening as their faith bubbled up out of their inward lives. Let’s offer the same kind of compelling witness to our kids.

The American Lung Association is reporting that while smoking conventional cigarettes and electronic cigarettes is on the decline among our children and teens, the use of non-combustible tobacco products known as “smokeless and spitless nicotine pouches” is growing in popularity. Thanks to marketing efforts and the viral nature of social media promotion, there has been a 641% increase in sales of products like Zyn, On!, Rouge, Velo, Juice Head, Zone, and Lucy. Research on these addictive nicotine delivery systems indicates that over a quarter of those who use them are under the age of 21. With nicotine sales limited by law to those over the age of 21, we must teach kids that God has given them the responsibility to obey the laws of the government. Finally, teach them that in First Corinthans 6:19 to 21, we learn that stewarding the health of their God-given bodies is not only their responsibility, but an act of worship.

Today, we come to the end of our week-long long look at researcher Ellen Galinsky’s new book about teenagers, “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”. In it, Galinsky lists five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. As Christian parents, we should pay special attention to the fifth message she heard from kids: “We want to learn stuff that’s useful.” Galinsky lists these skills as understanding other’s perspectives, how to communicate effectively, how to work with others, and how to set goals. While these skills are all good, we need to make sure that the way our kids understand and use these skills is rooted in the Gospel and a commitment to live a faithful life of Christian discipleship. In other words, these skills must not be used to advance the kingdom of me, myself, and I. Rather, these skills should serve the higher goal of bringing glory to God. Parents, nurture your kids in the Christian faith!

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The fourth message she heard is this: “Understand our needs.” Obviously, we have a parental responsibility to provide food and shelter for our kids. But from the biblical perspective, we learn that human needs extend far beyond those that promote and protect physical growth and safety. As Christians, we know that our greatest and most pressing need is for salvation, and we know that God in His grace has provided a way for our redemption through the cross of Jesus Christ. Of course, it most likely that the teens Galinsky researched did not mention salvation as a need. But this is where we as parents come in, as we nurture our children in the Lord.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The third message she heard is this: “Don’t stereotype us.” Just like us, our teenagers don’t want to be pigeon-holed into stereotypes. For example, not all teens are anxious. Not all teens are addicted to their phones. And not all teens are entitled. If we label our kids in these ways we are setting the table for them to live into those stereotypes. As Christian parents, we need to not only recognize the unique ways in which they’ve been created and gifted by God, but their potential to live into God’s glorious and grand design for their lives, rather than some stereotype. Parents, get to know your kids for who they are as unique individuals.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The second message to parents is this: “Talk with us, not at us.” As our kids develop through the adolescent years, their brains are moving from thinking in black and white terms, to being able to think more abstractly, which means their on the pathway to having fully wired-up adult brains, sometime during their mid-twenties. As parents, we need to avoid the temptation to continue to think for them, as if they are still children. Rather, we need to think with them so that we might then train them to think for themselves. As Christian parents, we want to prepare our kids for a lifetime of thinking in ways that lead them to glorify God in all areas of their lives.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, I want to look at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. First, teenagers say they want parents to “Understand our development.” I agree. We need to understand the different stages our kids go through as they grow. As Christians, we can see God’s grand and glorious design for human growth and development as amazing sequence of stages where kids mature physically, emotionally, cognitively, relationally, and spiritually. Gaining a working understanding of each stage gives us the ability to set realistic expectations for our kids, informs our approach to discipline, and gives us insights into how to most effectively nurture them in the Christian faith in age-appropriate ways.

If you don’t think that marketing to kids and concerns about body image aren’t having an impact on children when they are of elementary school age, think again. Thanks to kids using smartphones and gaining access to tiktok and youtube influencers, even pre-pubescent girls are concerned about the effects of aging on their skin. Consequently, many are spending large amounts of their parents’ money and huge amounts of time on high-end skin care products and routines including moisturizers, masks, mists, and cleansers. It’s gotten to the point that this is what a growing number of our pre-teen girls are asking for on their birthday gift lists. We should be concerned about their susceptibility to marketing and preer pressure, the promotion of vanity, and the resulting cost both financially and in terms of stress and anxiety. But we also need to be concerned about the growing body of evidence showing that these things are causing short and long term damage, including burns, rashes, and other allergic reactions.

The Genesis eleven story of the tower of Babel is one we need to pay attention to in our social media saturated world. In his book, This World is Not My Home, Mark Johnston writes that man’s motive behind the vast tower of Babel efforts was, as we read in Genesis eleven four, “to make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.” Johnston continues, “the Babel instinct in the human psyche has lingered on through the entire history of our race. From man’s attempts to literally build a name for himself by constructing great works of architectural genius, to his efforts to establish kingdoms and empires, human beings have tried to secure themselves in their world through all manner of tangible means. We try to build our own little worlds without God through our careers, achievements, families, and other things in the hope they will provide the security and sense of identity we crave.” Parents, teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ alone.

As our culture continues to promote ideologies that leave so many questioning their gender and sexuality, it’s important that we as parents and the church continually remind our kids of God’s good and glorious creational design as put forth in Genesis one and two. God made humanity in His image, and He made us male and female, which is the gender binary so many dispute and deny today. Why should be keep reminding our kids of God’s Truth? A recent analysis of national survey results has found that one in four grade nine to twelve adolescents here in the United States report their sexual identity as non-heterosexual. Friends, don’t ever forget that the period known as adolescence is a stage filled with physical changes and lots of questioning. In today’s world, our vulnerable growing and changing kids are now given options beyond heterosexuality, or the gender binary of male and female. Provide the kids you and know and love with Godly guidance and direction.

One starting point in the process of leading our teenagers to faith and spiritual maturity is to face the truth about who teenagers are and the uniqueness of their life stage. We must constantly seek answers to these questions: What is their world like? What makes them tick? What changes are they experiencing? What questions are they asking? Why do they think and act the way they do? And while we ask those questions, we must never forget, as Eugene Peterson says, that “there are no well-adjusted adolescents. Adolescence is, by definition, maladjustment. And getting adjusted is a strenuous and often noisy process.” In addition, we must approach our task as parents of teens not as punishment, a problem, or a cross to bear, but as a wonderful opportunity to depend on our Heavenly Father, while teaching our impressionable teens to do the same. Parents, never forget that you have been stewarded by God with the gift of your children, and that you are an instrument in His hands!

I recently read a sentence in the First Things monthly journal that stopped me in my tracks. I went back and read it several times over. Eventually, I pulled out a pen and underlined it, knowing that it was worth going back to over and over again. I spotted the sentence in an article that regular columnist, Liel Liebovitz, had written about what it’s like to be a young person in today’s world. Liebovitz wrote, and I quote, that this is “a generation whose minds, hearts, and souls, are ravaged by a technological torrent that thrusts upon them more audiovisual stimuli per minute than the human brain can possibly process.” Let me read that again: this is “a generation whose minds, hearts, and souls, are ravaged by a technological torrent that thrusts upon them more audiovisual stimuli per minute than the human brain can possibly process.” Parents, what goes in through the ears and eyes of your kids will play out in their beliefs and behaviors for the rest of their lives. Are you paying attention?

There’s a growing amount of research pointing to the fact that smartphones and social media are undermining the well-being of our kids when borders, boundaries, and safeguards are not enacted. Recently, the American Psychological Association released a report on the science of how social media affects our youth, specifically looking at the risks associated with content, features, and functions. One of the opening paragraphs of the report says, “Platforms built for adults are not inherently suitable for youth. Youth require special protection due to areas of competence or vulnerability as they progress through the childhood, teenage, and late adolescent years.” The report warns that chronological age is not directly associated with social media readiness. In other words, just because a platform requires a child to be thirteen in order to download the app, that doesn’t mean it is safe and harmless. Parents, are you tracking with the data that will help your parent wisely?

The office of the United States Surgeon General recently released a report entitled, “Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents.” In his introduction to the report, Surgeon General Murthy writes these words: “Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.” Of course, those of us who understand God’s design for the family and the role we are to play in the nurture of our children know this to be true. Murthy goes on to write these words: “The work of parenting is essential not only for the health of children but also for the health of society. Additionally, we know that the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children.” Murthy’s words capture the truth of a principle we all must understand: that our role is primary, and that we pass on to our kids who it is that we are. Parents, if you desire your children to be faithful followers of Jesus, you must be that yourself!

When Jesus told his followers the parable of the Good Samaritan, he wanted his listeners to know that if they had embraced their purpose in life to follow him, they would then view anyone in need as a neighbor. They would follow in the footsteps of the Samaritan who gave everything in response to the wounded man’s need. Those who are followers of Christ are called to self-sacrificing lives of compassion. The message of today’s market-driven world is the exact opposite. Instead of looking out for others, we are to look out for number one. In this kind of world, there is a decrease in generosity and an increase in selfishness. In this kind of world there is less concern for neighbor and more concern for self. In this kind of world there is a decline in civility. In this kind of world we do anything and everything possible – including using people as means to our ends – to get ahead of anyone and everyone else. This is not who we are called to be. Lead your kids to show the compassion of Christ.

In his recent book, “The Anxious Generaton,” social psychologist Jonathan Haidt recommends that our schools ban smartphones. It’s a common-sense move that at the very least would answer the concerns of just all about all teachers regarding how smartphone presence has diminished the willingness and abilities of our kids to pay attention in class and to each other. In Norway, the ban on smartphones in schools has allowed researchers the opportunity to gauge whether or not a ban is helpful. The results are compelling. Banning smartphones has led to a significant decline in seeking out treatment for psychological symptoms and diseases. In fact, it’s a sixty percent drop! Educational performance improves. And, bullying has decreased significantly, with a drop of forty-six percent for girls, and forty-three percent for boys. While our smartphones are great tools when used correctly, we need to limit their use in terms of time and place, in order to facilitate our kid’s health.

All teenagers face great temptation. All teenagers make sinful choices that are at times devastating to themselves and to others. It’s who we are as broken human beings. But here’s some great advice for parents: The most important factor in determining whether that bad choice turns into a situation that gets better or worse is parental response. What would happen if your goal would be to redeem these situations by turning a mistake into an opportunity for your teenager to become a more Christ-like person? I am constantly reminded of my responsibility to treat my sinful children the way my heavenly Father treats me when I’m the offending party – because there isn’t a day that goes by when I’m not. I learned a great lesson from Dr. John White when he was asked how he’d learned to relate to his own son’s rebellious and sinful choices. Dr. White said he’s learned to live his life according to this simple and profound principle: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.”

Living in a world where information comes at us at breakneck speed makes it almost impossible to know what to believe and what not to believe. This has been pounded home to us over the course of the last several months as we continually hear about fake news. As parents and youth workers, we must teach our kids how to discern what is true from what is false. We must also communicate the truths of God’s Word in ways that help them to walk the narrow road that leaves to life, while avoiding the wide road that leads to destruction. The Apostle Paul uses the word “trustworthy” several times in his New Testament letters. In each case, his use of the word is in reference to a saying that is true, and that is to be completely accepted and believed. Are you searching the Scriptures in order to know the truth that is not only to be accepted and believed, but that gives life? Then, are you sharing that with your kids? Teach your kids the trustworthy Word of God.

Parents, today I want to give you a heads-up and issue a warning which I hope motivates you to track with the latest developments in digital technology and the way in which these developments might undermine the well-being of our kids. You’re no doubt aware that Virtual Reality and the Metaverse here to stay and will be advancing quickly in the years to come. Based on the fact that online victimization of children and teens is a well-known reality in today’s digital world, experts are now working to catch and address what victimization will look like in the metaverse and through virtual reality. Researchers at Florida Atlantic University has found that a significant percentage of teens who engage with these technologies have reported encountering hate speech, bullying, harassment, sexual harassment, grooming behaviors from predators, and unwanted exposure to violent or sexually explicit content. Parents, you are the gatekeepers. Always monitor use, educate for safety, and set limits.

The prayers we find in the Scriptures are prayers that we can pray for our children and teens. In II Thessalonians 3:5, the Apostle Paul follows up his statements on God’s faithfulness and promised protection from the evil one with this prayer: “May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.” First, Paul prays that God would “direct,” or “make straight” the paths of their hearts. We too should be praying that God would remove all the obstacles the evil one throws in the paths of our kids. Second, he prays that their hearts would be focused on the love of God and on Christ’s endurance. Like Paul, we should pray that our kids would not only be focused on God’s love for them, but on pursuing their own love for God. And, just as Christ steadfastly pursued and endured earthly trials and the suffering of the Cross, so too should we desire that our kids would grow in their faith to the point of persevering for Christ in the midst of great challenges.

“I had a simple rule for my kid. I now realize what a hypocrite I am.” That’s the headline over an article about kids and device usage written by Molly Mulshine, a young mother of a one-year-old. Mulshine begins by proudly telling readers that she never puts her phone in the hands of her child for the admirable reason that she doesn’t want her spending time on or getting addicted to a device. But Mulshine was surprised when that little one-year-old got ahold of mom’s phone, and in Mulshine’s words, “started scrolling and swiping with the muscle memory of a bored teen.” Mulshine soon realized that it was the example of her own addiction to her phone that was modeling exactly what she didn’t want to see happen to her own child. Mulshine offers up this question that all wise and concerned parents should be asking themselves: Will my excessive phone use make my daughter long for the sweet, lobotomizing glow of a high-tech rectangle, despite any screen limits I place on her? Parent, think about it.

I recently read through the report on teens and media from the University of California and found some thought-provoking data. The report is titled “Reality Bites: Teens and Screens 2024.” The survey found that when asked what adolescents most want to see in terms of content, the top content choice for ten to twenty-four year olds was fantasy, with over thirty-six percent ranking fantasy highest on the list. This desire to see fantasy increased from 2023’s twenty percent. When given a list of specific content topics, the number one choice was fantasy and other content that was hopeful and uplifting, showing people beating the odds. As I pondered these top-ranked desires of our kids, I couldn’t help but think that our kids are leading lives where there is a deep and desperate need to hear and see good news. And where else will they ultimately find what they are looking for than in God’s revelation of Himself in the Bible, and in a restored relationship with God through Christ.

A new report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention looks at the issue of bullying in the lives of our twelve to seventeen-year-olds. The report defines bullying as occurring when “a person is exposed to aggressive behavior repeatedly over time by one or more people and is unable to defend themself.” More than a third of the kids surveyed say they’ve been bullied over the past year. Over thirty-eight percent of twelve to seventeen year old girls report being bullied, and just under thirty percent of the boys surveyed report being bullied. The report also found that bullying is more prevalent among twelve to fourteen year olds, at just over thirty-eight percent, and less prevalent among fifteen to seventeen year olds, at just under thirty percent. With bullying prevalent in today’s teen culture, we need to teach our kids to show the love of Christ to their divine-image-bearing peers, and we need to minister well to our kids who have been victimized so that we might build their resilience.

The other day I was driving down our local interstate highway and I found myself stuck behind a car that wouldn’t move out of the left lane. The driver was not only driving under the speed limit, but drifted to the left and over the line several times, then quickly catching themselves and making a course correction. When I finally had an opening to pass them in the right lane, I looked over to see if the driver was ok. While the driver was conscious, had a hand on the wheel, and their eyes were open, their other hand was texting on the smartphone that was holding their attention. I’m sure all of us have not only seen this from time to time, but have been tempted to do the same ourselves. Recent research from the University of Pennsylvania reminds us that we need to teach our kids to put the phones away while they are the wheel. Teens who use their phones while driving are more likely to engage in risky driving behaviors, including hard braking and rapid acceleration. We must all drive to the glory of God.

As the recreational use of marijuana has become more widespread, socially acceptable, and even legal in many states, the notion that smoking or ingesting cannabis products is actually harmless has spread as well. But a growing body of research is reporting on a variety of harmful effects from the use of cannabis. A new study published in the journal, Addiction Biology, is suggesting that using cannabis causes damage to cells, which in turn increases one’s risk for developing cancerous tumors. Specifically, researchers found that cannabis use damages the genetic information in a cell, which can lead to cancer and accelerated aging. And, with the modification of the DNA in a cell, a parent can pass on altered or damage DNA to their offspring, thereby increasing the risk of premature aging and cancer for that child. Parents, we need to raise our children well, doing all we can to enable them to steward the health of those bodies to God’s glory!

Australia has recently enacted some legislation that not only makes good sense, but models steps that should be taken by the rest of the world to protect our kids from harm and to provide for their well-being. What exactly has Australia done? They’ve passed a new law that bans kids from using social media until they reach the age of sixteen. The new law won’t go into effect for another year, but it’s rooted in the growing body of evidence, both from research and anecdotally, that the use of social media and technology is harming our kids by undermining their mental health and relationships in ways that cannot go unnoticed or unaddressed. Of course, there are many details yet to be worked out before the ban goes into effect. As Christian parents, laws like these help set borders and boundaries, but ultimately we want to see our kids make these decision on their own as they flow out of heart bent towards the worship of God.

I recently read through the report on teens and media from the University of California and found some thought-provoking data. The report is titled “Reality Bites: Teens and Screens 2024.” The survey found that that the number one reason young people ages ten to twenty four report for using social media is to escape and take their minds off of things. This is not at all surprising in light of all the recent talk about the declining mental health of our children and teens. Of course, human beings have always looked for and found ways to escape their pain, with most of these strategies resulting in anesthetizing themselves from the realities of life. Sometimes these lead to addictions. As long as kids are running to social media, we can expect more and more to become addicted to their devices. Let’s remember that a landscape of hopelessness is a landscape ready and ripe for hearing the truths of the Gospel. Are you telling your kids about finding peace and purpose in Christ?

Today we conclude our week-long look at what it means to entrust our children to God. To entrust our children to God is to completely entrust our children to God! While yes, we have been given the aforementioned responsibilities to tend, teach, and train, we cannot drag, push, or pull our kids screaming and kicking into the Kingdom of God. There is no guarantee that we will see the results that we want, in the way that we want, or in the time that we want. No, “salvation belongs to the Lord!” It is only the Holy Spirit, working in His way and His time, who will call our children to faith. We need to constantly remind ourselves of what I heard R.C. Sproul say on many occasions: “God has entrusted the ministry of the Word to us, not its results.” Our high calling is to be faithful and obedient. . . and to leave the rest up to God. Let me remind you once again, that there is no higher parental calling or privilege than to focus your time, energy, and prayers on leading your kids to love and serve Jesus.