Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

If you’ve ever found yourself alone in a foreign country where you can’t understand or speak the language, you’ve got some sense of what it’s like to enter into today’s teenage world where slang words make up so much of the conversation. Today, I want to do you a little service by passing on some of today’s latest and most popular slang common among the teen population. If you ask someone to “spill the tea,” you’re asking them to share some gossip. Someone or something that is “sus” is suspicious, shady, and not to be trusted. To “throw shade” is what “dissing” used to be, and it means to disrespect or trash-talk about someone. If someone talks about their “body count” they are speaking about the number of people they’ve slept with. To “smash” is to engage in casual sex. If something is “no cap” it means it’s totally true and not a lie. It’s hard to keep up with, I know. As adults, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb if you use the slang, but it is good to be in the know!

The Genesis creation narrative tells us that after creating humankind both male and female in His own image, God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” This creation mandate reveals God’s intentions for His image-bearers. New research conducted by the Pew Research Center indicates that for today’s teenagers ages thirteen to seventeen, getting married and having kids is not a top priority. In fact, eighty-six percent of the respondents say that it’s extremely or very important for them to have a job or career they enjoy and which brings financial success when they reach adulthood. Only thirty-six percent said that they cared about getting married, and just thirty percent say it’s important to have children. With the cultural tide moving in this direction, perhaps we need to do a better job of teaching about God’s heart and design for the family, teaching them that having and raising children is a high privilege and high calling!

With so many people watching and talking about the Netflix four-part drama series, Adolescence, one of the issues raised by the series is what is called incel culture. Incel, spelled i-n-c-e-l, stands for involuntary celibate. In the show, parents and adults working to understand what’s behind the murder committed by thirteen-year-old Jamie Miller partially attribute his actions to incel culture. As he is bullied online by both male and female peers, Jamie describes himself as ugly, and is grappling with the fact that he is destined for a life without a girlfriend and will likely remain a virgin. Because this not what he desires, he sees himself as an incel, and the moniker is used negatively by others as a way to bully him. Jamie himself is radicalized by the online incel culture which propagates hatred, misogyny, and self-pity. Parents, you need to know that these things exist in the unseen underbelly of youth culture, and we need to answer all these matters with the truths of the Gospel.

One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is basing our happiness and emotional well-being on our kids’ happiness and emotional well-being. When we do this, we’re just setting ourselves up for disappointment. We’ve learned that even though we began our parenting adventure with a wonderfully written script that included no difficulties, bumps, or bruises, God had a different script for us to live. His script wasn’t 100% percent happy like ours. While it was difficult for us, we learned that God gives us and our kids the opportunity to struggle through life so that we might grow and mature. If we were all to base our happiness on how well things were going with our kids. . . well, we’d all wind up spending time being miserable people. The Apostle Paul laid out a better way. . . in fact, it’s the right way. He writes in Romans 12, “Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer”

Listen to these words from detransitioner Laura Perry Smalts in a recent Salvo Magazine article: “If I had known in 2007 that God’s creation of male and female was not only good but impossible to alter, I would have saved myself a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. At the time, I would have repeated the typical cultural catchphrase that I was born this way. I believed I was a man trapped in a woman’s body and that the only way I could be myself was to transition from female to male.” Laura Perry Smalts goes on to tell her story of transition, and how she came to the realization that she had been wrong, leading to a detransition. Her words are so helpful: “God said to me, “You cannot love me and yet reject my creation. Then I heard him say, Let me tell you who you are. In that moment, my whole idea of identity shifted from what I wanted to be, to who wanting to know who I was created to be.” Thank you Laura Perry Smalts, for reminding us of where to find our identity!

Fifty years ago there was little or no knowledge among teenagers about eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. In today’s image-obsessed and social-media saturated world, the great majority of our kids not only stress over their appearance, but many are struggling with body dysmorphia, which is defined as a mental health condition in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance. New data from a study of thirty-nine-thousand adolescents ages fourteen to eighteen reports that the dominant factor raising the risk of self-harm, including suicide, is one’s perception regarding their weight. Our kids are being hammered by a constant diet of marketing images and social media posts which leave them feeling inadequate and less than. As Christian parents, we must affirm their standing as loved divine-image bearers, emphasizing the fact that God looks on the inside, not the outside. Our identity is not to be found in appearance.

Biola University theology professor Thaddeus J. Williams has written a great book on living in today’s culture titled, “Don’t Follow Your Heart: Boldly Breaking The Ten Commandments of Self-Worship.” Williams enlightens readers, young and old, on how to identify the cultural lies we so easily believe, all of which are cultural lies that point us in the direction of worshipping and serving ourselves, rather than worshipping and serving God. Share these timely words from Williams with your kids: “ The more you worship yourself, the less you become your self. You become a shadow, a specter, and unself. The longer and deeper you stare into the mirror, looking for answers, the more it will feel like looking at Edvard Munch’s “the Scream.” This is the strange paradox of self-worship. Why? It’s simple. You were not designed to be the center point of your own psyche. You are not God. Self-deification is a bust.” Teach your children that have been made to worship God.

I remember one of the great heartaches of my own adolescent years was a battle with face acne. I was raised in family where time and regular face-washing was seen as the remedy to something I dreamed I would one day grow out of. In today’s social-media-fueled image and appearance conscious world, teenagers have a host of preventive and treatment options at their fingertips. I recently discovered one of those remedies while making small talk with a twenty-something ticket agent at an airport. I asked her about the bright blue star sticker she displayed prominently on her cheek. “Oh!” she said without hesitation. “That’s a pimple patch!” Chances are you’ll see more of these medicated decorative accessories. Now you know what they are! Bear with me here when I suggest these patches offer us a teachable moment. From a theological perspective, we can reference these as remedies to deal with the effects of human sin and brokenness that appear even on our skin.

If they would be honest with us, our kids would tell us that their feelings and emotions serve far too often as their guide for life. Not surprisingly, today’s culture encourages this kind of feeling-driven living. To be honest, being driven by feelings and emotions is not just an issue for our kids. What a shame it would be if history remembered our generation of Christian parents as people who didn’t do anything to help their kids listen to God instead of their windblown emotions. Feelings should never eclipse God’s truth. We must walk our teens through the Scriptures to show them examples of people who allowed their emotions to eclipse the truth, and then suffered the consequences. This includes people like David with Bathsheba, Lot’s wife, and Ananias and Sapphira. One way that we can help our kids see the dangers of feelings is by walking them through the stories of our own lives by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding the feelings-based and truth-based choices we’ve made.

The title of a recent article in Atlantic magazine caught my eye. It reads, “the elite college students who can't read books to read a book in college it helps to have read a book in high school.” In the article, Rose Horowitch writes that many students no longer arrive at college, even at highly selective elite colleges, prepared to read books. In her research she found that it's not that students don't want to do the reading. It's that they don't know how. Middle and high schools have stopped asking them to. She writes that in 1976 about 40% of high school seniors said they had read at least six books for fun in the previous year, compared with 11.5% who hadn't read any. By 2022, those percentages had flipped. It's reasonable to assume that one reason for the decline in reading and reading aptitude is the smartphone. One maxim that I heard years ago is this, readers are leaders and leaders are readers. Parents, we encourage you to get your kids to put down the phones and pick up a book.

I often find that when I’m with a group of parents teaching them about today’s youth culture, many wonder if their kids have any interest at all in talking about the Christian Faith, the Bible, and Jesus Christ. There’s a commonly held belief that with all the attractive things the world has to offer, kids just don’t want to have anything to do with conversations about God. But because we know that all of these other distractions offered by the world can never fulfill one’s created purpose to know God, our kids are left feeling empty. I often say that a youth culture landscape littered with brokenness is a landscape ripe for the Gospel. New research from the Barna group should be encouraging to parents who want to see their kids come to know and serve Jesus Christ. In fact, seventy-seven percent of teens are to open to having conversations about God. Should we be surprised? A child’s spiritual hunger will continue to grow if they are not filled by experiencing new life in Jesus Christ!

I remember being a young kid and singing these words in church: "Are you weak and heavy-laden? Burdened with a load of care?" As parents, there have been times when all of us have had to honestly answer "Yes". At other times, the "Yes" comes from dear friends who are locked into periods of unimaginable burden-bearing. Difficulty is to be expected as we are all sinners living in a broken world. If you take the time to read Hebrews 12 you will find words on sonship and the Lord's discipline. God disciplines those He loves. We are reminded that while we may be feeling crushed by the weight of our present burdens, God is present and at work. Remember the words of Hebrews 12:11 - "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Parents, remember that while you are parenting your children, God is parenting and forming you, especially during the hard times.

With loneliness off the charts for kids in today's world, we can reasonably conclude that more time looking at screens means less time with others. In her new book “the extinction of experience: being human in a disembodied world”, Christine Rosen writes, “A decade ago, a book about how technology is changing us would offer solutions for a more balanced relationship with our devices, such as take a digital Sabbath, avoid multitasking, and put those phones away at the dinner table! These are no longer enough.” Rosen suggests an Amish approach to technology, where we work to cultivate a robust skepticism about each new device and app, even if most of us will not be as strict as the Amish in rejecting them. She writes, “The Amish asked the right questions before embracing something new: how will this impact our community? Is it good for families? Does it support or undermine our values?” Parents, Are you asking these questions as you think about the role technology will play in your family?

Do you remember your own middle school years? For most of us, it seemed brutal. Some things never change. Young peers can create, find, and point out all kinds of negative things in ways that are now sometimes defined as “bullying” or “harassment.” But if your home is place of refuge from that craziness, you will be instilling a healthy sense of resiliency that can sustain your kids through the pressure. One way to do this is to take the opposite approach of their peers. . . who are all too quick to point out and celebrate deficiencies. Look for and encourage your teen to develop their God-given gifts and abilities. Complement them on their successes. Point out their strengths. We need to be parents who are encouragers rather than discouragers. And, as we encourage our kids to develop their gifts, remind them of the importance of excellence. Exercising and developing one’s gifts and abilities is ultimately an act of worship. See and celebrate the uniqueness God has placed in your kids.

Over the years, teen culture has seen many slang terms come and go as negative references to girls who it is assumed promiscuously sleep around. Now, there’s a new derogatory term that’s being used to bully and shame someone for engaging in allegedly promiscuous behavior. The term is “lala-bop”, or simply “bop.”. It originated in a 2021 sexually explicit song from rapper Almighty Rexxo. Social media bullies will use the term on TikTok and X as a way to label and demean girls, accusing them of sleeping around and being passed from guy to guy. The trend has become so common that schools are now taking steps to inform parents of the trend. In years past this trend has also been termed “slut-shaming.” We all know that our girls can be especially unkind to each other, especially during the middle school years. We would do well to warn our kids that this is not a behavior they should engage in, nor should they bully others. Instead, they are to treat each other with Christ-like kindness.

A recent article in the first things journal, parents can't fight porn alone, tells the story of a 19 year old girl named Maddie and how she got wrapped up in a pornography addiction. Maddie grew up in a faith-based home and she had parents who were constantly paying attention to the dangers of technology, while monitoring where Maddie was spending her time. Her parents had put filters on her devices and they asked her to hand in her phone every night. Still, Maddie found pornography for the first time on her social media feed when she was only 13 years old. Curious about what she saw, she continued to dig further into the world of porn and learned how to bypass the parental controls her parents had put on the phone. This led to an addiction that lasted five years. Why did Maddie tell her story to first things? She wants parents to wake up and understand that kids are seeing porn on their phones all the time. Parents are you taking steps to monitor your children and warn them about porn?

In her helpful book, Teens and Suicide, Recognizing the Signs and Sharing Hope, Christian counselor Julie Lowe lists ten reasons we should give our teens for why life is worth living. They are ten messages rooted in the Gospel that each of us need to hear on a regular basis. What are they? You are not alone. You have value. You are greatly loved. You can find help. Your life has purpose. You will not always feel this way. There is a good way forward, even when life is hard. You are more than your outward appearance. God is up to good in your life. And finally, you will not be put to shame. Julie tells us that we want to help our kids see that the Bible speaks of far more than correction and rules. The bible speaks of life, freedom, and personal relationship with a God who knows what is going on in their lives. We must winsomely and convincingly speak these truths into the lives and experiences of our children and teens. Fill their wells with the Good News about Jesus Christ and His love.

I recently logged onto the replica.com website and was greeted by a smiling AI created female face, and an invitation to create my own personal AI friend. The opening screen asked me if I was a woman, a man, or a non-binary person. Answering these questions is the first step on the journey to have Replika create a virtual chatbot friend. Users who remain on the free version of the platform can create a virtual friend, while those who opt to pay a subscription fee are offered a partner, spouse, sibling, or mentor. Sixty percent of the paid subscribers report having a romantic relationship with the chatbot. There are many reasons for us to not only know about these chatbot relationships, but to be concerned. With loneliness, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues on the rise, more and more of our kids have been and will be opting into these virtual relationships. This reminds us of our need to point kids to a relationship with Jesus, and real human relationships with friends and family.

Parents, today I want to encourage you to take an active interest in those things that interest your children and teens. This is an easy one if you and your teen share the same interests. But what happens if you’re a left-brained parent raising a right-brained kid? We once heard a parent complain that his son didn’t share his love for canoeing. Consequently, he didn’t think there’d ever be anything he could do with his son. Sadly, it never crossed the frustrated father’s mind that he could enter into his son’s world and life by pursuing one of his son’s interests. Maybe we should all think about putting some of our own interests aside for a few years, so that we have more time to pursue the interests of our kids with our kids. Taking an interest in their interests not only allows us to spend much-needed time with our kids, but opens up opportunities to communicate, builds our relationship, and lets us discover and celebrate their gifts and abilities. Take an interest in their interests!

I recently read an interesting article about teenagers in central florida who have become interested in bird-watching. Now if you’re like me, you have never assumed that bird-watching would become a hobby growing in popularity among teenagers. But it appears that for this group of kids, taking walks outside during the Covid epidemic had them paying more attention to the world of nature, with many of them accumulating notes and photos on the birds they were seeing. This sounds to me like a positive outcome from Covid, as kids were spending less time inside with their eyes focused on screens, and more time outside looking at the created order. Perhaps all of us need to provide opportunities for our kids to get outside to see and understand what Psalm nineteen one tells us: “that the heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the works of his hands.” God’s glory is all around us, screaming the reality of His presence, mercy, and love. Let’s encourage our kids to see it!

“What has Jane Fonda done to her face?” Someone asked that question on social media after the eighty-seven year old actress was featured prominently in photos and videos from the screen actors guild award show. Fonda did not look like your average almost ninety year old woman. She was one of many high profile celebrities who have had cosmetic surgery of a variety of types in an effort to thwart the effects of time on the human body in order to maintain an appearance of youthfulness. Have you noticed the growing number of people who appear, as they say, to look like they’ve had work done? This trend will only continue as we seek to find our identity not in who we are in terms of our inward character, but in outward appearance. Reports show that more and more teens are opting for non-surgical and surgical cosmetic procedures. Friends, if we are to be new creations, as Paul says in second Corinthians, it is only through being born again through faith in Jesus Christ.

In today’s world, generally speaking, the exorbitant amount of time and money spent on wedding preparations are not funneled into getting a couple ready for everything that comes after the ceremony and reception, but rather on things that are what might be called “showy”, like rings, dresses, flowers, food, photos, bands, etc. The trend seems to be to spend everything on the day, rather than the lifetime that follows.This cultural trend is one that needs to be reersed. In a social media saturated world where we see ourselves as performers and function as such, even marriages have paid a steep price. And, if this is what our kids grow up believing a marriage really is, then we’ve done them a huge dis-service as we’ve nurtured them into either a rude awakening for which they are not prepared, or even marital failure. Parents, youth workers, and pastors, we need to do better. Teach your children about God’s design for marriage, conflict-resolution, and life-time commitment.

What happens when a group of teenagers go without their smartphones for four weeks? Journalist Decca Aitkenhead found out when she devised an experiment to ban her two sons and eight of their friends from using their phones for four weeks. Initially, as you might imagine, there were protests. “You’ve got to joking” said fourteen year old Jake. But after the four weeks of allowing only one hour a day on a smartphone and the other twenty-three hours on a call and text only Light Phone, you need to hear what the kids had to say. One of the teens said, “Thank you so much for including me in this. It was way better than I expected it. I’m really glad I did it.” Another 14-year -old, admitting that he struggled at first, said, “But then, you begin to notice things. You start to see what’s going on on your smartphone doesn’t matter. You’ll never say on your deathbed, I wish I’d spent more time on my phone.” Parents, why not arrange a smartphone sabbath for your kids?

As a father and now grandfather, I often think about the wise words of instruction found in Proverbs twenty-two, six. “Train up a child in the way he should go; and even when he is old he will no depart from it.” Training our children is not a once and done task. Rather, it is an ongoing project that in many ways lasts a lifetime. Neither is the training we are called to only verbal in nature. While the verbal instruction is necessary, equally necessary is the example we pass on to our kids. Let me share with you some great wisdom from the Puritans on the power of example. John Boys writes, “If both horse and mare trot, the colt will not amble.” Consider these words from Thomas Brooks: “Example is the most powerful rhetoric.” If we are to raise and train our children to follow the Lord, we must be eagerly following Him with every ounce of our lives. Remember, Jesus has called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. A heritage of faith is the most valuable inheritance we can pass on to our kids.

A couple of years I heard some very challenging words from the parents of a ten-year-old girl. They were part of a roomful of parents attending a seminar where I was speaking about kids, technology, and social media. At the end of the evening I asked if anyone had any questions. The young father raised his hand and said this. “A year ago we got our ten-year-old daughter a smartphone thinking that we were being good parents by protecting her from danger. But we have realized that we weren’t protecting her from danger, but actually putting a greater danger in her hands.” The parents were now thinking about how to pull back and remove the device that had very quickly become a time-consuming distraction and addiction. I’m sharing this father’s words with you for you to think about as you consider if and when you will put a smartphone in the hands of your child. Proverbs 27:12 tells us, “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”

While on a recent speaking trip down south, I got up early on a Saturday morning and walked to the only restaurant open for breakfast at that time in the morning. I was greeted by the teenage clerk with a loud and hearty “Welcome!”, something you don’t hear much at five am from anyone anywhere. A few pleasantries were exchanged with him and I ordered my food. Thinking I was going to pay with a card, he pointed down to the terminal where I was being asked about adding a tip. “Oh, I’m paying with cash,” I said. I handed him a ten dollar bill and said, “Keep the rest for you and your crew.” He was overjoyed. Oops. I then realized that I hadn’t given him a ten, but a twenty! There was no back-pedaling on my part. He called the entire crew out and they thanked me effusively for the two hundred percent tip! Their joy gave me joy, and I was reminded that all work matters to God. There is no such thing as menial work, and we must value everyone, regardless of their job or status.

Have you heard about the social media fueled appearance trend known as “looksmaxxing”? That’s spelled l-o-o-k-s-m-a-x-x-i-n-g. The term originated in online communities centered around what’s known as the involuntary celibate, or “incil” for short, cohort of young males. Incels would like to be in romantic and sexual relationships, but they blame women for their celibate status, primarily caused by the fact that women don’t find them attractive. So they engage in looksmaxxing, which is the process of maximizing their own physical attractiveness. Softmaxxing efforts include hair care, skin care, diet, and exercise. Hardmaxxing involves more radical interventions like plastic surgery. Parents, appearance pressure is real. Help your kids understand that nobody can meet these narrow and unrealistic standards, and that they must rest their identity in who they are as adopted sons and daughters of God. God is a God who looks on the heart, not on the outward appearance.

As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of and sensitive to electronic addiction in all of its forms. We must understand its threat, presence and impact. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing both ourselves and our children to understand, process and live with electronic media in ways that bring honor and glory to God. UK communications regulation firm Ofcom says that we might not be doing a very good job in preventing electronic addiction. Their data shows that among five to seven year olds, sixty five percent are making voice or video calls, fifty percent are watching livestream apps and sites, forty one percent are gaming online, and thirty eight percent are using social media apps or sites. Parents, our habits are formative. Good habits form us, and bad habits deform us. Lead your kids into God’s Word and World, rather than into electronic addiction.

All truth is God's truth, and sometimes that truth comes across in places where we don't expect it. In a recent cover story in Elle magazine, actress Demi Moore talked about the struggle she's had with her body image. This is a struggle that's shared by all of our girls who are growing up in a social media saturated world where standards of beauty are put before them 24/7 through the images they see on their screens. Seeing all these images, most girls feel like they don't measure up and never will. Moore told Elle magazine, “I changed my body multiple times through different roles and I think I chose those roles whether it was conscious or not for the very opportunity to find some peace and self love. And when I did find that, it was only by really surrendering and letting go of what the outside was going to look like.” Parents, we need to instill in our daughters the truth of God's word, That their value and worth comes through the fact that they are divine image bearers who are to find their identity in him.

I’ve had numerous conversations over the years with parents who have received troubling phone calls where they are given bad news about a child. Some parents have told me that after a few of these calls, they become like Pavlov’s dog, being triggered into anxiety and fear by the ring of the phone, even though there’s no reason to believe that the caller is calling with more bad news. Mental health professionals are now reporting on a similar trend among young people that’s been labeled “telephobia”, which is a fear of phone calls sparked by social anxiety. Counselor Stephanie Wiijkstrom explains it this way: “In our digital age, texting and online messaging serve as our primary modes of communication, and we often feel less vulnerable and more comfortable than in a live conversation or phone call.” Parents, this is a consequence of our digital age, and we need to reverse this by involving our kids in verbal interactions and conversations with others from the time their born.

There’s a concerning new trend among the emerging generations that offers up evidence of their deep search for meaning and purpose in life. It’s known as “shifting”, and it encompasses efforts by young people to escape their earthly presence and reality by transporting their consciousness into alternate realities. Reports from those who track with the trend online tell us that some want to escape into the world of Hogwarts or the Marvel Universe. Practitioners will oftentimes lie on the ground counting backwards while they visualize a desired reality, hoping to transport themselves into that world as an escape from the difficulties of this world. We need to be aware of this trend which not only fosters a desire to escape from the embodied reality we’ve been given by God, but is a supernatural foothold for the enemy to exploit. What shifters are ultimately searching for is a relationship with God, which should motivate us all the more to point them to Jesus.

The latest report from the Pew Research Center not only helps us understand where our teens ages thirteen to seventeen are spending time online, but should light a fire under us to exercise diligence and regularity about helping our teens practice what we call digital discipleship. It’s not surprising that YouTube is hands down the most used online platforms for kids, with nine out of ten saying they use the site. Seventy three percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds say they visit YouTube daily. Six in ten say they visit the TikTok video site daily. With our kids consuming so much video content on a daily basis, we need to teach them to use wisdom and discernment regarding what they see, along with limiting the amount of time they spend scrolling through videos. Ask them about what they are seeing. Ask them to share what they see with you. And train them to embrace content that furthers their faith, while avoiding that which is not good, true, and honorable.

Late last month, an article appeared on the USA Today website under the headline, “These teenage boys were blackmailed online- and it cost them their lives.” Above the headline was a collage of photos of smiling, happy teens, each of whom had died by suicide after getting caught up in an online trap called financial sextortion. It’s a cybercrime that occurs when an online predator cultivates a friendly relationship with an unknowing young person who grows to trust the interactions, thinking that this person is a friend. Eventually the predator engages in sexually explicit conversation with the victim or convinces the victim to send a nude photograph. Immediately, the victim is threatened with exposure or jail time unless they send a large amount of money, sending message upon message stating such, which leads the victim to panic, which leads many to see no way out but suicide. Parents, the message here is clear: warn your kids to never engage online with someone they don’t know.

Today, I want to take a minute to offer some encouragement to parents who are enduring difficult times with their kids. If you’re currently struggling as a parent, you are not alone. All of us are broken people raising broken kids. But there’s another way in which you are not alone. The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm fifty-five of God’s never-ending presence and faithfulness, even when it seems like he’s not there. We read, “I call to God and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Parents, when God seems silent, His work in your life is moving forward in powerful ways. Don’t decide to be fooled by what seems like silence. God is always at work for His glory and our good. So even though the burden is heavy today, be encouraged.

“We did it, and we turned out ok.” Perhaps you’ve heard that line of reasoning from other parents regarding today’s teens and marijuana use. In fact, a government survey indicates that since 2015, the number of parents who believe there is a risk of harm from using marijuana has dropped, from just over thirty percent of parents, to just over twenty percent today. But researchers and medical professionals will tell you that we should actually be more concerned about the risks from marijuana use, as the impact of smoking today’s marijuana is actually greater on the developing and vulnerable brains of our kids. Experts report that in the 1960’s, the THC content of marijuana was two to three percent. Today, it is twenty percent or more, making it ten times more potent. Doctors are seeing increased psychotic events attributed to this increased potency. Parents, monitor your kids, and don’t approve of the use of marijuana or any other substances kids are choosing to abuse.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to develop the skill of knowing, understanding, and applying the truths of God’s Word to all of life, so that we might distinguish truth from error, wisdom from foolishness, and right from wrong. And, as we develop discernment, we must also guide our impressionable young children and teens into doing the same, teaching them a skill which is desperately needed in a world where the winds of culture are furiously blowing our kids around in ways that so easily lead to shipwreck. The Psalmist prays these words: “Teach me good judgment and knowledge, for I believe in your commandments”. Parents, look for and use the teachable moments everyday life brings to practice biblical discernment with your kids. When they become teenagers, we need to respect their developing cognitive abilities by thinking with them, so that we are preparing them for a lifetime of thinking with biblical discernment for themselves.

One of the best guides for how to pray for our kids is the parable of the sower, which can be found in Mark four. As Jesus is teaching about the power of Gospel to transform lives, he uses this well-known agricultural parable to explain the different responses people have to the Gospel, based on the condition of their heart. You see, just as good soil is needed for a seed to take root and grow, so it is with our hearts. As we think about our children and teens, we must be praying that their hearts would be like good soil, softened and prepared in ways that will receive the seed of the Gospel, which in turn will result in the spiritual fruit that marks a regenerate life. And while we are to trust in God’s Spirit to do the work of faith in our kids, we have been given the parental responsibility to nurture our kids in the truths of God’s Word so that the soil is ready to receive and grow the seed. Pray for your kids, that their hearts would be soft, rather than hard, rocky, or filled with weeds.

If you’ve got kids who play youth sports, and that’s true for the majority of parents these days, I want to share with you some words from Linda Flanagan in her excellent book, “Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports, and Why It Matters.” Flanagan writes, “Travis Dorsch heads a team at Utah State University that looks at how spending on sports affects families. His research found that the more money parents devote to a child’s sport, the less the child enjoys it, and the more pressure he or she feels. At the same time, the more parents pay, the more emotionally invested they become in the outcome of their child’s games. Children who understand that their parents might seek a return on the investment they’ve made lose their athletic verve. The intrinsic delight of playing gets squashed by parental pressures.” Parents, are you listening? There’s nothing wrong with youth sports. But when we idolize sports and our kids success, we are in the wrong, and it hurts them.

Advances in neurological science point to the amazing complexity of our God-made brains. Because their brains are still developing, our children, teens, and even young adults have what is called an underdeveloped impulse control. This makes them less prone to resist behavioral impulses and more prone to engage in risky behaviors perceived to bring some kind of immediate benefit, but which could also bring long-lasting negative consequences. In spiritual terms, this not only means that our kids are likely to lack wisdom and discernment, but more readily fall into sin. We need to teach them that as sinners, their default setting is to follow their sinful hearts more readily than they are to follow God’s Word. Which means that we must nurture them into knowing God’s good, life-giving Word, helping to expose sin. As their frontal lobes are still developing, they need parents who serve to train them in Godly decision-making and living.

When you were growing up, how many times did you hear your parents begin a sentence with these words: “When I was your age. . .” What usually followed was some kind of revelation comparing the relative ease of teenage life in your world, with the unimaginable difficulties your parents faced during their own adolescence. This includes the stereotypical account of walking ten miles to school in sub-zero weather and three feet of snow. Recently, Pew Research asked parents, “compared with twenty years ago, do you think being a teenager today is harder, easier or about the same?” Nearly seven out of ten parents say that it’s harder today, than it was twenty years ago. When asked about what has made it harder, it’s not surprising that social media and technology are what sit at the top of the list. It’s good that we’re waking up to this fact. It will be even better if we fulfill our God-ordained parenting responsibility by establishing borders and boundaries on all things technology.

Today, I want to mention a youth culture trend that is not only shaping the lives of children and teens, but adults as well. Specifically, I’ve seen this trend take root and grow among many who lead and guide kids, and who should know better. I’m talking about youth pastors. Just as our kids are pushed to promote themselves and pursue fame and a following through social media, the same pressure pushes on us. Youthworkers, Jesus spent his life pursuing faithfulness rather than fame. How would things change if we did the same? Are you caving to the pressure to build an online following and recognition? I think our ministries would thrive if we would stop this kind of nonsense. Wouldn’t it be freeing if we weren’t always worrying about and wasting time developing a following? I’m reminded of the words of my friend and youth ministry veteran Rich Van Pelt, “You take care of the depth of your ministry. Then, let Jesus take care of the breadth of your ministry.”

In this day and age where we are hearing more and more about the declining mental health of our kids, we need to come to an understanding of how changes in the nature of childhood are contributing to this epidemic. One of the clear causes has been the move from kids engaging in what’s called “free play,” to kids engaging in only adult-supervised organized sports, or remaining sedentary by spending so much time on screens. The Aspen Institute tells us that the benefits of childhood play are immediate and long term. Kids who physically play are physically and mentally healthier, they perform better in school, they are less likely to engage in drug use and other risky behaviors, and wind up being more productive as they move into the adult years. Additional research tells us that going outside to engage with friends in free play leads to greater resiliency for kids, as they learn how to relate with others and solve problems. Make it possible for your kids to play in this way.

“Are you in a relationship?” “do you have boyfriend?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “Are you dating anyone?” These are all questions from curious friends and relatives that teenagers have historically had to navigate as part of the adolescent and young adult experience. It’s not unusual for the answers given to leave members of the older generation scratching their heads. You see, the nature of romantic relationships and how they are navigated by kids has changed over the years. Now, let me confuse you even more with a new term that’s being used: situationship. A situationship is defined as a romantic relationship that lacks any kind of commitment or traditional norms. If you’re in a situationship, it can include spending time together, affection, and sexual activity. It’s been described as more than a friendship and less than a committed relationship. This new reality must prompt us to teach what God’s Word says about friendships, dating, sexuality, and the beauty of covenantal marriage.

Parents, today I want to encourage you to step back and take stock of the preaching ministry at your church. You see, we are living in a day and age when the cultural agenda is shaping the content of many sermons, when it should be the Word of God faithfully interpreted and preached that should be shaping our response to the culture. In his excellent book, “Faithful Leaders and the Things That Matter Most”, Rico Tice tells leaders that the preacher God approves of, according to second Timothy two fifteen, is the one who correctly handles the word of truth. Tice says that the faithful preaching of God’s Word will feed souls, while false teaching feeds on souls. He writes, “False teaching dazzles, then it distorts, then it diverts, and finally it destroys.” In order to faithfully fulfill our nurturing responsibilities as Christian parents, we need to be regularly fed as we sit under the faithful preaching of God’s Word. Are you at a church which upholds biblical authority?

One of the questions I’ve been asked by parents most often over the last few years is this: How old should my child be before I get them a smartphone? Of course, most kids are pressuring their parents, playing into the guilt of raising kids who they fear will be left out of what everyone else is doing. But we need to push that pressure aside in order to make wise and Godly decisions that are not based on our kids’ desires, but on what constitutes God’s best for them. Recently, more and more news stories are popping up reporting two very positive trends in this area. First, a growing number of schools are considering and implementing no-smartphone policies during the school day. A second positive trend involves parents in schools, communities, and churches who are banding together and committing to signing pledges to not give their children smartphones until after middle school. Parents, joining forces in this way is sure to benefit our kids in more ways that we can imagine.

The recently released U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents tells us that forty one percent of parents say that most days they are so stressed that they cannot function. Did you hear that? That’s four out of ten parents! At the end of the report, there is an action section which lists what parents and caregivers can do to reverse this trend. Three of the suggestions struck me as things that can happen in the context of our church ministries. First caring for yourself is a part of caring for your family. Are you sitting under the preaching and teaching of God’s Word, attending worship, and engaging in daily times with the Lord? Second, the report encourages nurturing connections with other parents and caregivers. Are you connecting with other parents in your church for fellowship, prayer, and support. Finally, empower yourself with information about mental health care. Are you going to the Scriptures to find rest and encouragement for your soul?

In his book, “The Patient Ferment of the Early Church”, Alan Kreider offers an explanation of how Christianity took root and grew in the Roman Empire, even though the church was marginalized, despised, and discriminated against. The parallels to the world we find ourselves inhabiting as Christians today is remarkably similar. Kreider explains that four things happened to advance the faith, and I believe we can and should enlist all four in our Christian parenting. First, there was patience. They didn’t hurry or push things along. Rather, they patiently trusted God to do His work. Second, they developed habitual behaviors of Christian commitment and character that not only grew their own faith, but offered a compelling witness to the surrounding culture. Third, they were committed to Christian education and worship. And finally, there was a kind of ferment happening as their faith bubbled up out of their inward lives. Let’s offer the same kind of compelling witness to our kids.

The American Lung Association is reporting that while smoking conventional cigarettes and electronic cigarettes is on the decline among our children and teens, the use of non-combustible tobacco products known as “smokeless and spitless nicotine pouches” is growing in popularity. Thanks to marketing efforts and the viral nature of social media promotion, there has been a 641% increase in sales of products like Zyn, On!, Rouge, Velo, Juice Head, Zone, and Lucy. Research on these addictive nicotine delivery systems indicates that over a quarter of those who use them are under the age of 21. With nicotine sales limited by law to those over the age of 21, we must teach kids that God has given them the responsibility to obey the laws of the government. Finally, teach them that in First Corinthans 6:19 to 21, we learn that stewarding the health of their God-given bodies is not only their responsibility, but an act of worship.

Today, we come to the end of our week-long long look at researcher Ellen Galinsky’s new book about teenagers, “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”. In it, Galinsky lists five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. As Christian parents, we should pay special attention to the fifth message she heard from kids: “We want to learn stuff that’s useful.” Galinsky lists these skills as understanding other’s perspectives, how to communicate effectively, how to work with others, and how to set goals. While these skills are all good, we need to make sure that the way our kids understand and use these skills is rooted in the Gospel and a commitment to live a faithful life of Christian discipleship. In other words, these skills must not be used to advance the kingdom of me, myself, and I. Rather, these skills should serve the higher goal of bringing glory to God. Parents, nurture your kids in the Christian faith!

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The fourth message she heard is this: “Understand our needs.” Obviously, we have a parental responsibility to provide food and shelter for our kids. But from the biblical perspective, we learn that human needs extend far beyond those that promote and protect physical growth and safety. As Christians, we know that our greatest and most pressing need is for salvation, and we know that God in His grace has provided a way for our redemption through the cross of Jesus Christ. Of course, it most likely that the teens Galinsky researched did not mention salvation as a need. But this is where we as parents come in, as we nurture our children in the Lord.