Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. One important strategy is to respond preventively to the negative cultural forces your kids face. As the parent of four children, I knew enough about young kids to know that they might wander into the street, talk to strangers, or reach for hot objects. As a result, I did my best to help them learn not to. Likewise, if we care about the spiritual health of our students, we should answer any faulty directions given by the map of today’s youth culture in a preventive fashion. We need to pass on valuable information we’ve learned about life so that our kids adopt values, attitudes, and behaviors that keep them from harm and provide for their well being. Parents, God has given you the responsibility to provide sound preventive guidance and direction to your kids. Think with them about how God wants them to live in His world.

This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. Make an intentional effort to look for and seize opportunities to speak biblical truth into their lives in response to the realities that exist. In effect, you are preaching the truths of the Gospel to your kids. Looking in the soup of youth culture will reveal the realities that exist. Spending time with Jesus in his word will shape your biblically faithful response. At times, you will find yourself affirming that the map of culture is sending students in the right direction. At other times, you’ll challenge the map when it sends them down the wrong road. If you’re a youth worker, look for every opportunity to point kids in the right direction. And if you’re a parent, don’t ever forget that God has given you primary responsibility for the spiritual nurture of your children. Lead the kids you know and love to the truth.

This week we’re looking at strategies for engaging the soul of today’s youth culture. To begin, we must continually work to know how the culture is changing. One theologian once said that “every Christian should start their day with the Bible in one hand and a newspaper in the other.” This is great advice. Look at the changing soup of youth culture by listening to what they listen to, reading what they read, and watching what they watch. Keep your ears and eyes open for news stories about them, advertisements targeting them and artwork done by them. Observe kids and their posts on social media. Like the apostle Paul when he found himself in the pagan city of Athens, don’t open your mouth until you’ve opened your ears and eyes. The world of our children and teens is changing at breakneck speed. It’s our responsibility to know what’s happening so that we can effectively cross-cultures into their world.

Culture is what we believe, what we do and how we live our lives from day to day. It binds us to those who think and live in similar manner. It’s the values, attitudes and behaviors that drive how we live our lives. I’ve always found it helpful to view youth culture as the soup our kids swim in everyday. Consequently, if we want to engage students for the sake of the gospel, we’d better take the time to know what’s in the soup. In one of my local restaurants, the soup bar features three selections. I’ve watched how people choose their soup. They lift the lid off the pot, stir the soup, lift the ladle, and examine the soup’s ingredients. If we are to effectively engage our students with the truths of the gospel, we must step up to their world, lift the lid and look carefully at the unique and ever-changing mix of cultural elements they swim in everyday. All this week we’ll be looking at ways to engage the soul of today’s youth culture.

Today, I want to take a minute to offer some encouragement to parents who are enduring difficult times with their kids. If you’re currently struggling as a parent, you are not alone. All of us are broken people raising broken kids. But there’s another way in which you are not alone. The Psalmist reminds us in Psalm fifty-five of God’s never-ending presence and faithfulness, even when it seems like he’s not there. We read, “I call to God and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Parents, when God seems silent, His work in your life is moving forward in powerful ways. Don’t decide to be fooled by what seems like silence. God is always at work for His glory and our good. So even though the burden is heavy today, be encouraged.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, the demands made by those who embrace the transgender ideology are everywhere. Front and center over the last couple of years is the controversy surrounding whether or not biological men should be allowed to participate in girls and women’s sports if they choose to identify as transgender. What the conversation needs from parents is a clear commitment to tell our kids the truth about gender and God’s good design. Salvo Magazine reports on Sage Steele, a former ESPN Sportscenter co-host who was told by the network to keep her opinions on transgenderism in sport to herself. Steele says, “I was like, no. And let’s stop living in this lie. I literally said, this is the hill I will die on one hundred percent because these are facts. This is science. Come at me. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me to stop supporting women. Go ahead, tell me.” Steele’s words remind us that God calls his followers to be strong and courageous with the truth!

One of the questions I’ve been asked by parents most often over the last few years is this: How old should my child be before I get them a smartphone? Of course, most kids are pressuring their parents, playing into the guilt of raising kids who they fear will be left out of what everyone else is doing. But we need to push that pressure aside in order to make wise and Godly decisions that are not based on our kids’ desires, but on what constitutes God’s best for them. Recently, more and more news stories are popping up reporting two very positive trends in this area. First, a growing number of schools are considering and implementing no-smartphone policies during the school day. A second positive trend involves parents in schools, communities, and churches who are banding together and committing to signing pledges to not give their children smartphones until after middle school. Parents, joining forces in this way is sure to benefit our kids in more ways that we can imagine.

Many of the new words that have entered into our English vocabulary in recent years are words that have come into existence thanks to the advent and growth of social media and technology. One of those words that has been sparked by a new trend, is sadfishing. Sadfishing is a growing trend among teenagers that offers insights into some of the pressures and mental health issues facing our kids. Sadfishing is a term referring to social media users who exaggerate their emotional state through their online postings with the goal of attracting the attention of others and generating their sympathy. Typically this is done through sad photos and quotes. We need to pay attention to the sadfishing efforts of the kids we know, as going online might be an effort to get somebody to listen, when nobody else is listening to them. In addition, the cry for attention reveals deep relational needs. Parents, build your relationships with your kids, so that they come first to you.

In his book “Digital Liturgies: Rediscovering Christian Wisdom in an Online Age”, Samuel D. James describes how our liturgies, or the repeated habits we have developed in the way use technology, have served to deform us in five specific ways. First, our time online in digital environments fosters a kind of inauthenticity as we center on ourselves. Second, our growing amount of online time fuels outrage by constantly feeding us information and misinformation that polarizes us from others. Third, we can shame others, or be shamed ourselves, often resulting in getting canceled. We don’t discuss our differences anymore. Fourth, we are driven into a lifestyle of consumption, as the algorithms feed us more and more of the content that grabs our attention and focus. Finally, we get lost in the meaningless of the online world. We’re starting to see what happens when we spend time scrolling on our phones, rather than through the pages of God’s Word.

One starting point in the process of leading our teenagers to faith and spiritual maturity is to face the truth about who teenagers are and the uniqueness of their life stage. We must constantly seek answers to these questions: What is their world like? What makes them tick? What changes are they experiencing? What questions are they asking? Why do they think and act the way they do? And while we ask those questions, we must never forget, as Eugene Peterson says, that “there are no well-adjusted adolescents. Adolescence is, by definition, maladjustment. And getting adjusted is a strenuous and often noisy process.” In addition, we must approach our task as parents of teens not as punishment, a problem, or a cross to bear, but as a wonderful opportunity to depend on our Heavenly Father, while teaching our impressionable teens to do the same. Parents, never forget that you have been stewarded by God with the gift of your children, and that you are an instrument in His hands!

As I’ve gotten older, it’s become more and more clear to me that my grandkids are growing up in a world that’s markedly different than the one I grew up in. Recently, I was looking back at some YouTube videos of talk shows and news broadcasts from the 1960s. I had forgotten just how common smoking cigarettes while on camera actually was. Then as the health risks became known, a Surgeon General’s warning was mandated for cigarette packs in 1965. By 1971, all cigarette ads were banned from radio and tv. Last month, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, in a New York Times opinion piece wrote this: It is time to require a Surgeon General’s warning label on social media platforms, stating that social media is associated with significant mental health harms for adolescents. While there may be some debates moving forward, the message is clear: we as parents need to do our due diligence on monitoring, limiting, and even banning social media for our kids.

Have you heard about Abigail Shrier’s new book, “Bad Therapy: Why The Kids Aren’t Growing Up”? In the book, Shrier helps us to understand parenting approaches and habits we’ve adopted in recent years which are believed to produce happy, healthy and well-adjusted kids. As Christian parents, we should desire first and foremost to raise kids who launch into adulthood with the overarching goal of living their lives to the glory of their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But this kind of well-intentioned but bad parenting Shrier calls out can also be adopted by Christian parents. Shrier writes, “We adopted a therapeutic approach to parenting. Successful parenting became a function with a single coefficient: our kids’ happiness at any given instant. An ideal childhood meant no pain, no discomfort, no fights, no failure – and absolutely no hint of trauma.” Parents, are we or are we not prepping our kids for the life of discipleship that requires taking up one’s cross and denying one’s self?

A few years ago, we began to take notice of all the ads for Botox that were running on television. Botox promised to remedy our dissatisfaction with the wrinkles and creases we were increasingly seeing as we looked in the mirror. Stopping the aging process has become a cultural obsession, which reveals the deeper theological reality that none of us like the march we’re on through aging and to death as a result of human sin. A recent article in the New York Times reports that our teenagers are now engaged with a viral trend related to an anti-aging and expensive skin-smoothing product known as Brazilian Bum Bum Cream. Not only should we be concerned that our kids are now working to stop the effects of aging, but also about spending their money wisely. You see, an eight ounce jar of Brazilian Bum Bum Cream sells for forty-eight dollars. Parents, let’s teach our kids to find their identity in Christ, not appearance, and teach them to spend wisely.

There’s an old familiar song from composer George Gershwin that might serve to motivate you to take some action related to social media and smartphones if you’re heading out with your family for vacation in the coming weeks. The song is called “Summertime” and it was written ninety years ago for the opera “Porgy and Bess.” There’s one line from “Summertime” that starts echoing in my head every year when the calendar flips to July. “It’s summertime, and the living is easy” goes the song. But I’m not sure we’re too successful these days in our efforts to find much-needed rest and relaxation. One barrier is how tethered we’ve become to our phones. This is the case not only for our kids, but for us as adults too. So, here’s a strategy for increasing your chances for rest and relaxation this summer. Why not power down the phones and stay off social media so that you can focus your attention on the other members of your family? God has made us for rest and relationships!

In John fifteen, Jesus uses a gardening allegory to tell his followers about healthy and vibrant spiritual growth and development. Jesus explains that when we enter into a relationship with Him there is a life-giving connection along with a sustaining maintenance procedure that we must willingly and actively pursue if we are to bloom, grow, and bear fruit as He intends us to. In effect, he describes how we are to be “hitched” or connected to Him as a branch is to a vine. Our fruit-bearing and growth is increased by the sometimes painful process of pruning, which removes dead or overgrown parts so that we might become more productive. What is the secret to this kind of growth? Jesus says the secret is this: “Abide in me.” The word abide is used ten times in this passage. It describes a kind of “hitching” to our life-source, Jesus Christ. Parents, as we abide in Jesus, His life begins to permeate and transform us, keeping us spiritually vibrant, healthy, and fruitful.

I recently ran across another clear example of how secular science confirms what we know as Christians to be most beneficial to our teens as they navigate the difficult years of adolescence. Researchers at the University of Southern California have been looking how a teenager’s thinking influences their brain development, for better or for worse. Using interviews, functional mri’s, and ongoing surveys, researchers found that teenagers who engaged in what they called transcendent thinking showed more brain development and greater amounts of happiness over time. Transcendent thinking is the thinking that is done which moves beyond the moment and the immediate context to think about the bigger story of life. When I read the report, I couldn’t help but think about the impact that thinking about the bigger story of the bible is the kind of transcendent thinking that not only encourages healthy brain development, but transforms our kids lives! Preach the gospel to your kids!

Adoniram and Ann Judson, were the first foreign missionaries from the U.S., departing for their work in Burma back in 1812. When young Adoniram approached Ann’s father to ask for her hand in marriage, he wrote these words: “I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure for a heathen land, and her subjection to the hardships and suffering of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death.” Ann’s father eagerly consented and released his daughter into God’s service for the sake of the spread of the Gospel. Fourteen years later, Ann died in Burma from smallpox. Are you willing to release your kids into into the hands of God for the sake of the spread of the Gospel?

When we think about teenagers and addiction, it is important that we engage in preventive efforts in order to keep kids from getting addicted. This holds true when it comes to device and screen addiction, which will become more of an issue in years to come. Experts are telling us that if we would take time to set limits and borders now, we would prevent addiction and these marks of screen addiction: feeling uneasy or grumpy when you cannot use your device. Avoiding breaks while spending long periods of time on your device. Ignoring other activities including reading and going outside. Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Physical issues including eye, back, and neck strain. Gaining weight due to inactivity. And finally, having difficulty conversing and interacting socially. Parents, life in our smartphone world is a life primed for addiction, that is, unless we intervene now keeping phones away from young children, and limiting screentime for older kids.

When difficult decisions. . . or even the little decisions of life. . . need to be made, what authority do you consult for guidance? All of us make thousands of choices a day, and every one of those choices is made based on some standard or authority. For the Christian, it is the authority of God’s Word that should form the basis of all of our decisions. The writer of Proverbs tells us that the discerning person deliberately “sets his face toward” or “focuses the gaze of his eyes” on wisdom. In other words, biblical discernment comes when we intentionally focus on the truths of God’s Word, trusting that God has given us those truths in order to provide guidance in every decision, either large or small. What motivates us to keep our eyes toward wisdom is our desire to love, serve, follow, and ultimately glorify God in all things. Bruce Waltke writes, “The eyes of the wise focus on wisdom, which in turn serves them well, but the fool’s focus flits from one godless, unattainable thing to another that does not profit him.”

Today, we come to the end of our week-long long look at researcher Ellen Galinsky’s new book about teenagers, “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”. In it, Galinsky lists five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. As Christian parents, we should pay special attention to the fifth message she heard from kids: “We want to learn stuff that’s useful.” Galinsky lists these skills as understanding other’s perspectives, how to communicate effectively, how to work with others, and how to set goals. While these skills are all good, we need to make sure that the way our kids understand and use these skills is rooted in the Gospel and a commitment to live a faithful life of Christian discipleship. In other words, these skills must not be used to advance the kingdom of me, myself, and I. Rather, these skills should serve the higher goal of bringing glory to God. Parents, nurture your kids in the Christian faith!

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The fourth message she heard is this: “Understand our needs.” Obviously, we have a parental responsibility to provide food and shelter for our kids. But from the biblical perspective, we learn that human needs extend far beyond those that promote and protect physical growth and safety. As Christians, we know that our greatest and most pressing need is for salvation, and we know that God in His grace has provided a way for our redemption through the cross of Jesus Christ. Of course, it most likely that the teens Galinsky researched did not mention salvation as a need. But this is where we as parents come in, as we nurture our children in the Lord.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The third message she heard is this: “Don’t stereotype us.” Just like us, our teenagers don’t want to be pigeon-holed into stereotypes. For example, not all teens are anxious. Not all teens are addicted to their phones. And not all teens are entitled. If we label our kids in these ways we are setting the table for them to live into those stereotypes. As Christian parents, we need to not only recognize the unique ways in which they’ve been created and gifted by God, but their potential to live into God’s glorious and grand design for their lives, rather than some stereotype. Parents, get to know your kids for who they are as unique individuals.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, we’re looking at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. The second message to parents is this: “Talk with us, not at us.” As our kids develop through the adolescent years, their brains are moving from thinking in black and white terms, to being able to think more abstractly, which means their on the pathway to having fully wired-up adult brains, sometime during their mid-twenties. As parents, we need to avoid the temptation to continue to think for them, as if they are still children. Rather, we need to think with them so that we might then train them to think for themselves. As Christian parents, we want to prepare our kids for a lifetime of thinking in ways that lead them to glorify God in all areas of their lives.

Researcher Ellen Galinsky has released a brand new book about teenagers. It’s called “The Breakthrough Years: A New Scientific Framework for Raising Thriving Teens”, and it includes five things teens wish their parents and other adults knew about them. All this week, I want to look at what Galinsky heard from teenagers. First, teenagers say they want parents to “Understand our development.” I agree. We need to understand the different stages our kids go through as they grow. As Christians, we can see God’s grand and glorious design for human growth and development as amazing sequence of stages where kids mature physically, emotionally, cognitively, relationally, and spiritually. Gaining a working understanding of each stage gives us the ability to set realistic expectations for our kids, informs our approach to discipline, and gives us insights into how to most effectively nurture them in the Christian faith in age-appropriate ways.

There’s a growing amount of research pointing to the fact that smartphones and social media are undermining the well-being of our kids when borders, boundaries, and safeguards are not enacted. Recently, the American Psychological Association released a report on the science of how social media affects our youth, specifically looking at the risks associated with content, features, and functions. One of the opening paragraphs of the report says, “Platforms built for adults are not inherently suitable for youth. Youth require special protection due to areas of competence or vulnerability as they progress through the childhood, teenage, and late adolescent years.” The report warns that chronological age is not directly associated with social media readiness. In other words, just because a platform requires a child to be thirteen in order to download the app, that doesn’t mean it is safe and harmless. Parents, are you tracking with the data that will help your parent wisely?

As followers of Jesus, we must go to and trust God’s Word as the spotlight that shines truth on our understanding of gender. God, the Creator of all things, pronounced everything He created as “good!” But when He finished creating humans He said “very good!’ And what He pronounced as “very good!” was male and female. . . the binary genders He designed and assigned. . . male and female only, that are both fully human and equal in dignity and value. This is the way things are supposed to be. Jesus affirms this in Matthew 19:4 when He says, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female?” God desires that we never allow our feelings to dictate and misshape our understanding of truth. Rather, we need to submit our feelings and desires to God’s Word. Don’t ever forget, God in His goodness has created and given us each our gender, which is indicated by our anatomy, either male or female.

When Christian missionaries go through training, they spend lots of time learning their message. Missionary training is centered on learning the Gospel so that it might be shared correctly. But the message is not the only thing they learn. They also go through lots of learning about the culture of those to whom they are being sent, along with how to best communicate in ways that can be heard and understood in that context. Parents, did you know that you are a cross-cultural missionary? As you raise your children in the Lord, your need to know their cultural context. Culture-watcher Aaron Renn provides some helpful information on our current parenting context. He tells us that since twenty-fourteen, we are now parenting in a world that has come to have a negative view of Christianity. We need to understand that this may create obstacles in sharing our faith with our kids, especially if they have adopted this view. Be sensitive to this reality, but faithfully speak and live out your Christian faith.

When one of our kids came home from school and announced that he learned on the school playground where babies come from, I asked him what he had learned and from who. Not surprisingly, what he had learned didn’t even come close to the truth, so it afforded us an opportunity to tell him the truth about God’s good design for sexuality. Parents, here are three essential elements to good and Godly teaching on sex if we want to lead them in the right direction. First, we must teach God’s creational design. We go to the Bible to look at Genesis one and two, the teachings of Jesus, and what the rest of the Bible teaches on sex. Second, we must teach God’s design continually. It’s not just one talk, but the talking. Culture is talking at them twenty-four seven, and typically leads them astray. We need to talk with regularity. And finally, we must take advantage of cultural prompts. When we see or hear a message on sex, talk about it with your kids, offering the biblical corrective.

Last month, I read social psychologist Jonathan Haidt’s new book, “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.” Over the past few years, I have found Haidt to be a trustworthy voice of reason regarding those issues that foster healthy growth and development in our kids, and those practices that are harmful. In his latest book, Haidt provides clear evidence of how smartphones have contributed in major ways to the teen mental health crisis. He offers these four common-sense rules that could change the narrative and help our kids. First, kids should not have a smart phone before high school. They are not ready for the addictive nature of smartphones. Second, no social media before the age of sixteen. It is addictive and fosters harmful comparison. Third, no phones at school. And finally, kids need more independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world. Our kids need to play without adult supervision.

On this weekend when we look forward to celebrating Father’s Day, I want to remind the fathers who are listening of their greatest responsibility in life. In Ephesians six four we read this: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” If we are taking the time to carefully, diligently, and correctly teach the Word of God to our children, we will have fulfilled our highest calling as parents. Writing back in eighteen eighty three, English pastor Robert William Dale has this word for dads that still rings true today. “Parents should care more for the loyalty of their children to Christ than anything besides, more for this than for their health, their intellectual vigor and brilliance, their material prosperity, their social position, and their exemptions from great sorrows and great misfortunes.” Dad, on this weekend when you are celebrated, ask the Lord to lead you into how to best lead your kids.

You’ve no doubt heard the phrase, “Garbage in, garbage out.” I remember my own youth pastor telling us that a car has been created with great care to run smoothly on the right kind of fuel. He used the illustration of what happens to car when someone maliciously pours sugar into the gas tank. It wreaks havoc on the engine, as it clogs the fuel filter and injectors. Of course, my youth pastor was teaching us about what we put into our minds. But I thought about his words when I read recently that researchers at USC are warning us that kids who feast on a high-fat, sugary diet run the risk of doing damage to their brains’ ability to remember. This is especially important for us to remember since our kids are growing through a period of life where their brain if forming and developing. While the researchers are basing their findings on studies done on rats, we can’t discount the potential dangers. Parents, you are called to teach your kids to steward their bodies to God’s glory.

Advances in neurological science point to the amazing complexity of our God-made brains. Because their brains are still developing, our children, teens, and even young adults have what is called an underdeveloped impulse control. This makes them less prone to resist behavioral impulses and more prone to engage in risky behaviors perceived to bring some kind of immediate benefit, but which could also bring long-lasting negative consequences. In spiritual terms, this not only means that our kids are likely to lack wisdom and discernment, but more readily fall into sin. We need to teach them that as sinners, their default setting is to follow their sinful hearts more readily than they are to follow God’s Word. Which means that we must nurture them into knowing God’s good, life-giving Word, helping to expose sin. As their frontal lobes are still developing, they need parents who serve to train them in Godly decision-making and living.

In a world where our kids are hearing that there is no such thing as the creational gender binary of male and female, and where they are hearing that they have the power to choose their gender based on their personal feelings and desires, there are a growing number of young voices who hope to turn the tide including nineteen year old Chloe Cole. As a young self-described tomboy, Cole was introduced to the idea that she could become a boy through social media. Parents, take note. After being diagnosed with gender dysphoria at nine years old, she began transitioning at age twelve, took puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones at age thirteen, and had her breasts removed at age fifteen. By age seventeen, she was detransitioning. Now, she is calling out those who supported and pushed her into transitioning. Parents, what young child really knows who they are? We need to help our children navigate this confusion, pointing them to live into their God-ordained male or female bodies.

Earlier this morning, I went online and purchased a book with a title that grabbed my attention. The book is Linda Flanagan’s “Back in the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports – and Why It Matters.” While I have yet to read the book, the overview describes how Flanagan lists some ways that this frenzy and obsession is changing things for kids and our families, and not for the better. Kids are being funneled into specializing year-round in one sport. The risk of physical injury and mental health problems increases. Coaches and parents are engaging in egregious behavior. And due to the high cost of youth sports, there is reduced opportunity and access for low-income families. Youth sports are big business, and we need to realize that many of the invitations extended to our kids are being issued by individuals and companies desiring to make a quick buck. Parents, this trend takes youth sports, a good thing, and is turning it into an idol.

“We did it, and we turned out ok.” Perhaps you’ve heard that line of reasoning from other parents regarding today’s teens and marijuana use. In fact, a government survey indicates that since 2015, the number of parents who believe there is a risk of harm from using marijuana has dropped, from just over thirty percent of parents, to just over twenty percent today. But researchers and medical professionals will tell you that we should actually be more concerned about the risks from marijuana use, as the impact of smoking today’s marijuana is actually greater on the developing and vulnerable brains of our kids. Experts report that in the 1960’s, the THC content of marijuana was two to three percent. Today, it is twenty percent or more, making it ten times more potent. Doctors are seeing increased psychotic events attributed to this increased potency. Parents, monitor your kids, and don’t approve of the use of marijuana or any other substances kids are choosing to abuse.

In the story of Noah, a righteous man who walked blamelessly with God, we see God’s grief over humankind’s sin. And while God chooses to cleanse the earth through a flood, he also chooses to make a covenant with humanity to never again destroy the earth through a flood. The mark of this gracious promise is the rainbow. As a sign of God’s promise of grace, the rainbow should point us to exhibit a response of humble gratitude marked by obedience to God’s will and way for our lives, rather than a pride-filled life where we follow our own will and way for our lives. In today’s world, the image of the rainbow is used as a symbol of pride. Sadly, this steals the rainbow away from what it was originally established to symbolize. Whenever you see the rainbow. . . in the sky, on a flag, wherever. . . don’t think of it as a sign of pride and human autonomy, but as a sign of humility and dependence on God who has offered up his own son to redeem us from our sin and pride.

In his book, “The Patient Ferment of the Early Church”, Alan Kreider offers an explanation of how Christianity took root and grew in the Roman Empire, even though the church was marginalized, despised, and discriminated against. The parallels to the world we find ourselves inhabiting as Christians today is remarkably similar. Kreider explains that four things happened to advance the faith, and I believe we can and should enlist all four in our Christian parenting. First, there was patience. They didn’t hurry or push things along. Rather, they patiently trusted God to do His work. Second, they developed habitual behaviors of Christian commitment and character that not only grew their own faith, but offered a compelling witness to the surrounding culture. Third, they were committed to Christian education and worship. And finally, there was a kind of ferment happening as their faith bubbled up out of their inward lives. Let’s offer the same kind of compelling witness to our kids.

Advances in neurological science point to the amazing complexity of our God-made brains, and inform us about how best we can parent our kids in ways that lead to their healthy growth and development. Recently, the American Psychological Association released a report which reminds us that starting around age ten and continuing until the mid-twenties, the human brain is hypersensitive to social feedback and stimuli. You and I see evidence of this in how our kids become invested and even obsessed with engaging in behaviors, both off line and online, that will help them get feedback, praise, and attention from their peers. Brain science is now telling us that getting likes and gaining followers on social media actually activates neural regions that trigger repetitive behavior, which can then lead to repetitive use of social media, and even addiction. Let’s raise up Godly children whose lives are directed at habitually bringing glory to God, rather than seeking the praise of their peers.

As our culture continues to promote ideologies that leave so many questioning their gender and sexuality, it’s important that we as parents and the church continually remind our kids of God’s good and glorious creational design as put forth in Genesis one and two. God made humanity in His image, and He made us male and female, which is the gender binary so many dispute and deny today. Why should be keep reminding our kids of God’s Truth? A recent analysis of national survey results has found that one in four grade nine to twelve adolescents here in the United States report their sexual identity as non-heterosexual. Friends, don’t ever forget that the period known as adolescence is a stage filled with physical changes and lots of questioning. In today’s world, our vulnerable growing and changing kids are now given options beyond heterosexuality, or the gender binary of male and female. Provide the kids you and know and love with Godly guidance and direction.

In this day and age where we are hearing more and more about the declining mental health of our kids, we need to come to an understanding of how changes in the nature of childhood are contributing to this epidemic. One of the clear causes has been the move from kids engaging in what’s called “free play,” to kids engaging in only adult-supervised organized sports, or remaining sedentary by spending so much time on screens. The Aspen Institute tells us that the benefits of childhood play are immediate and long term. Kids who physically play are physically and mentally healthier, they perform better in school, they are less likely to engage in drug use and other risky behaviors, and wind up being more productive as they move into the adult years. Additional research tells us that going outside to engage with friends in free play leads to greater resiliency for kids, as they learn how to relate with others and solve problems. Make it possible for your kids to play in this way.

If you’re like me and you lament the decline in the quality of popular music since the days when you were a teenager, there’s actually some new research indicating that your lament is not simply based on your personal listening preferences. Rather, there has been a change in popular music that’s not something we should be celebrating. Europeon researchers recently took on the task of analyzing the words in more than twelve thousand English language songs from the years 1980 to 2020, all from a variety of genres including pop, R and B, country, rap and rock. What did they discover? Not only are songs becoming simpler and more repetitive in their construction, but there has been a decrease in positive messages, and an increase in lyrics that are self-centered, angry, and sad. Here at CPYU we say that music is both a map and a mirror. As a mirror, it tells us what’s happening in the lives of our kids. As a map, it tells them how to live. Once again, we learn that our kids need the hope of the Gospel.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to develop the skill of knowing, understanding, and applying the truths of God’s Word to all of life, so that we might distinguish truth from error, wisdom from foolishness, and right from wrong. And, as we develop discernment, we must also guide our impressionable young children and teens into doing the same, teaching them a skill which is desperately needed in a world where the winds of culture are furiously blowing our kids around in ways that so easily lead to shipwreck. The Psalmist prays these words: “Teach me good judgment and knowledge, for I believe in your commandments”. Parents, look for and use the teachable moments everyday life brings to practice biblical discernment with your kids. When they become teenagers, we need to respect their developing cognitive abilities by thinking with them, so that we are preparing them for a lifetime of thinking with biblical discernment for themselves.

In his recent book, “The Anxious Generation,” social psychologist Jonathan Haidt recommends that our schools ban smartphones. It’s a common-sense move that at the very least would answer the concerns of just all about all teachers regarding how smartphone presence has diminished the willingness and abilities of our kids to pay attention in class and to each other. In Norway, the ban on smartphones in schools has allowed researchers the opportunity to gauge whether or not a ban is helpful. The results are compelling. Banning smartphones has led to a significant decline in seeking out treatment for psychological symptoms and diseases. In fact, it’s a sixty percent drop! Educational performance improves. And, bullying has decreased significantly, with a drop of forty-six percent for girls, and forty-three percent for boys. While our smartphones are great tools when used correctly, we need to limit their use in terms of time and place, in order to facilitate our kid’s health.

On this Memorial Day holiday, we are encouraged to remember those who have gone before us, sacrificing their lives so that we might experience life in a free country. As you speak to your kids about the meaning of Memorial Day, use it also as an occasion to remind them that it is important to engage in the regular practice of thinking about past history, and the need to remember. The Bible tells us that one of our greatest responsibilities of parents and those who are older is to recount the deeds of the Lord, teaching them what God has done not only in our lives, but throughout biblical history. In Psalm seventy-eight we read a great reminder for today and every day: “I will utter sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” Parents, this is our high calling and high privilege.

I remember my Dad uttering a saying that history tells us was already deeply entrenched in American culture in the late eighteen-hundreds. That saying was this: “Monkey see, monkey do.” While the saying pointed to the mimicry evident among monkeys as they would watch humans, the 1968 movie “Planet of the Apes” had the monkeys inverting the saying to “Human see, human do.” When it comes to parenting, the apes in the movie were spot-on. Our parental example will be imitated by our kids. A new study looked at parents and their eleven and twelve year old kids to see if parents who tell white lies, raise kids who are more prone to tell lies themselves. The study found, not surprisingly, that when parents tell white lies and the kids know what they are hearing is a lie, those kids are more prone to learn to lie themselves. Parents, teaching your kids God’s will and way requires truthfulness in all things. And we would do well to remember the ninth commandment, which forbids lying.

A friend recently told me about a conversation about smartphones that happened at her family dinner table. She and her husband had established a wise policy for their son and daughter: you cannot have a phone until you turn fifteen. Their son, age seventeen, had had his smartphone for two years. Their daughter, age fourteen, was very much looking forward to her upcoming fifteenth birthday so that she could enter the world of the smartphone. At one point during the meal, the daughter excitedly share her anticipation: “I can’t wait until I turn fifteen so that I can get my own smartphone!” Before anyone else had a chance to respond, her seventeen-year-old brother turned to her, held up his phone, and very seriously said, “Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Since I got this thing two years ago, I’m more anxious than ever.” Parents, I’m sure you’re wondering when to put a smartphone in the hands of your kids. Take into account the wisdom this teenager gained from his own negative experience.

In his wonderful little book for teenagers, “Do Not Be True To Yourself,” Kevin DeYoung quotes a bit of advice Pulitzer Prize winning writer Anna Quindlen once gave to a group of graduating seniors. Quindlen said, “Each of you is as different as your fingertips. Why should you march to any lockstep? Our love of lockstep is our greatest curse, the source of all that bedevils us. It is the source of homophobia, xenophobia, racism, sexism, terrorism, bigotry of every variety and hue because it tells us that there is one right way to do things, to look, to behave, to feel, when the only right way is to feel your heart hammering inside you and to listen to what its timpani is saying.” DeYoung follows up Quindlen’s bad advice with this corrective which each of our kids needs to hear and embrace: “Do not follow your dreams. Do not march to the beat of your own drummer. And whatever you do, do not be true to yourself.” The Gospel calls us follow the way and will of Jesus Christ.

Recently, the Canadian Center for Child Protection issued a warning to parents regarding an app called Wizz. . . that’s spelled W-I-Z-Z. The app bills itself as the ultimate online platform for connecting young people from all over the world. It’s a place of self-expression, camaraderie, and genuine human interaction. The app tells users that it’s a vibrant space to build new friendships, boost self-esteem, and embrace the joy of social interaction. Like the Tinder app, Wizz users swipe the screen to find new friends and stories. Users can engage in real-time conversations with new friends around the world. So, why the concern with Wizz? Even with all of Wizz’s efforts to make the app safe, Canadian officials are reporting that there have been over one-hundred-and eighty reports of child sexual exploitation, with ninety-one percent of those concerning sextortion, with male users being victimized the most. Parents, monitor you kids, and be sure to remove dangerous social media apps.

When I was in college, I took as many Anthropology classes as I could. Simply stated, Anthropology is the discipline that studies the nature of humanity, including human biology and behavior. As Christians, we should be embracing a biblical anthropology, which is the study of our humanity as it relates to God. When we read the Bible, our understanding of who we are is rooted in the Creation narrative, where God differentiates us from everything else in Creation, making us in His image as male and female. Today, the trends in the secular world of anthropology tend to undermine the creation narrative, leading to the faulty assumption that we are who we feel, decide, and determine ourselves to be. In fact, the American Anthropological Association recently removed a session at their annual meeting that assumed the biological binary of male and female. This reminds us of our need to teach our kids the truth about who they’ve been created to be.

This week we’ve been looking at some of Dr. Marv Penner’s strategies and skills for helping hurting kids. Marv has developed a set of skills based on the acronym L.O.V.E. The letter E calls us to quick action, by taking steps to eliminate immediate dangers. Many hurting kids are involved in behaviors and relationships that require early intervention. Furthermore, we need to empower adolescents as people with the power to choose. As long as they feel like helpless victims, they won’t move forward. But most importantly, we must expect God to do his part to accomplish what only he can do in the lives of kids. God will provide his presence, his comfort, and his healing. L – O – V – E. When it comes to hurting kids, we must listen to them, offer encouragement and support, validate what’s happening in their lives, and eliminate immediate dangers. That’s a good place to begin as we endeavor to lead hurting kids to the hope and healing that comes through Jesus Christ.