Untoxicated Podcast

Why do we give so much power to the mantras that surround us (at least some of us do (Sheri’s looking at you, Matt))? There are gross and glorified mantras that are pillars of the recovery community, slogans and sayings that drive a fledgling little alcoholic-in-training deep into addiction, and buzz phrases and quotes from movies and pop culture that have become ingrained in our daily lives. Even our most basic and popular wedding vows are fraught with serious problems. Still, there are some mantras that seem to be useful. Sheri and Matt talk about them all, including one designed to bring dinner-time harmony in their own raucous home. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

There is a flow to the process of recovering a marriage from alcoholism. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the universalisms found in the eight phases of relationship recovery. This is time consuming and emotionally draining work, and a lot of what Sheri and Matt have learned is counterintuitive and daunting. From boundaries and detachment, to coming back together as two strong and self-sufficient individuals, these overlapping phases are a roadmap back from the pit of alcoholic despair. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Anyone who has experienced an alcoholic relationship is familiar with the traumatic events when the drinking and the aftermath spins wildly out of control. But for most high-functioning alcoholics, there are plenty of times when nothing traumatic happens, but the family lives in a consistent state of chaos. There is no chance to relax – no opportunity to drop from high alert. That’s the damage to the nervous system that Sheri and Matt describe in this episode. It is story time, Untoxicated friends. Can you relate? If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

As a drinker, Matt’s goal for the marriage was for Sheri to agree with him on morals, politics, religion, finances, parenting, etc. Only now in sobriety, Matt is realizing that with the exception of morals, they are dramatically different people with different opinions, beliefs and motivators. Acceptance – consistent acceptance – of those differences is required for the marriage to thrive. And falling back into old habits of criticism and disappointment is triggering for them both. Two healthy, independent, sober people can really thrive as a couple…as long as there is consistent respect. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Leah suffered from denial for years while living with someone whose drinking became a progressively more significant problem. She describes it like living in the middle of a tornado and refusing to acknowledge the storm. From early days of dating, though her wedding day, and even when her husband decided he needed to stop drinking, Leah ignored all of the red flags because alcoholism couldn’t possibly happen to her. And when her husband got sober, that’s when the denial really ramped up. She was sure sobriety would fix everything. It all came crashing down, and her denial left her totally unprepared. Now Leah faces reality head on, and she makes three really significant points that the loved ones of alcoholics really must understand. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Pride, self-esteem, ego and confidence often get a bad rap in the traditional recovery community as leading to relapse. We believe the opposite is true, and that self-esteem is the single most important component to long-term sobriety. But that’s not what this episode is about. Sheri and Matt talk about the critical importance of self-esteem to the healing and recovery of the spouses and other loved ones of alcoholic. At the end of the episode, Matt explains why Sheri’s growing self-esteem is so important to him. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

We are thrilled to announce the “Evolution Series” as part of our Sober and Unashamed website and blog. Writing our stories of the impact of alcohol on our lives and families is very therapeutic, and we invite you to write and submit your story for the potential publication to our audience of readers. Not only will you feel the power of vulnerability rewarded, but you will help so many others who will relate to your story and know they are not alone. Don’t just listen or read about our mission. Join us and be a part of the solution. To submit your story to the “Evolution Series,” send your writing to [email protected]. Share your story for the benefit of us all!

Everyone understands the consequences associated cigarette smoking (lung cancer) or a poor diet heavy on added sugar and fat (diabetes and obesity). Those consequences are directly correlated and societally accepted. When it comes to alcohol, in our culture, we ignore the inevitable consequences. Who better to welcome to a conversation like this than the self-described “queen of consequences?” Allison joins Sheri and Matt on this episode, and they break down the consequences (legal, financial, relational and mental health) she faced as her drinking spiralled out of control. If you are a high-functioning alcoholic seeking sobriety, we invite you to join us in SHOUT Sobriety. Allison is a big fan of our program, and we hope you’ll check it out for yourself!

Nothing is more important to healthful, sustained recovery than staying in tune with the traumas of active alcoholism. It isn’t a good idea to wallow in misery, but as the seasons change and summer drinking is surrounding us, it is a great idea to remind ourselves of why sobriety is the best choice for us personally, and for our families. On this episode, Sheri and Matt recall Matt’s summer drinking experiences including a particularly emotional recollection of a drive to the airport with a car full of kids toward the end of the conversation. Don’t ignore the red flags. Change your narrative right now, this summer. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

What are the most impactful steps we can take to decrease the massive amount of abusive drinking that is condoned in our culture? Prohibition didn’t work, but are there other legal, taxation, media/marketing or educational tactics we can employ to remove boozing from it’s place as the national pastime? Sheri and Matt discuss all of the tactics, as well as the underlying causes that really deserve our attention. And there is good news to celebrate in present and future trends. Sheri also tells Matt why she wants to punch him in the throat. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The decision to stay or to go when in an alcoholic relationship seems to rely on the ability of the drinker to find sobriety. Because humans can’t change other people, it feels like the spouse has no power. But Lori is here to explain a third option to staying in misery, or divorcing. Lori explains that she learned how to “stay well” in her formerly destructive marriage. She explains the concepts she learned from author, speaker, licenced clinical social worker and relationship coach, Leslie Vernick. Now Lori’s recovery is thriving, and her marriage has benefited as well. This is not a paid endorsement. This is someone sharing a resource for the loved ones of alcoholics because it changed her life. Here is a link to Leslie Vernick’s website. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Bridget stayed with her husband as his drinking destroyed his health and their marriage. The lies, the hiding and the gaslighting is something with which so many loved ones of alcoholics are familiar. She made the impossibly hard but healthy decision to move on and live the life they had planned to live together, alone. Bridget describes in emotional detail how she loved her husband, the man she married. But the man alcohol transformed him into is not the man she loved. At the end of the episode, she also surprises Matt with her advice for mothers of young children who are in similar situations. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The indicators of the increase in bad behavior are everywhere. The airline industry, big city crime statistics, and alcohol industry consumption numbers all correlate to paint a concerning picture of the aftermath of COVID isolation. No matter how much we try to compartmentalize and ignore, the truth is staring us in the face. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the increase in unacceptable behavior, and what we can do when we see it in our families and among our friends. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Julie Sanford hosts the Married to Addiction podcast, and she joins Sheri and Matt to discuss the similarities and differences in both their recovery stories, and also their outreach to the loved ones of alcoholics. On this episode, they discuss the signs that indicate that the loved ones need recovery, getting your needs met as the wife of an alcoholic, the mantras associated with codependency, self-care for someone who is deep in the chaos of addiction, and what you can do if your alcoholic doesn’t support your need to get help. Matt admires Julie’s “radio voice,” and Sheri resonates with a lot of Julie’s experiences. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Matt spent ten years working himself through the cycle of active alcoholism into permanent sobriety. What could have been accomplished in a year, took Matt a decade to process. Why the delay? Denial. Both Sheri and Matt were in denial about the demon they faced. In this episode, they discuss their denial in detail in the hopes that others can move through the process of finding recovery faster than they did. The episode ends with an epically bad joke the sends Sheri scurrying from the room. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The loved ones of alcoholic are often compelled to keep the trauma of addiction a secret because the drinker has a lot to hide. By stifling their stories, the loved ones remain stuck in unprocessed pain. Deb is our guest on this episode, and she has chosen to talk about her story as the partner of someone suffering from addiction to alcohol. Her decision has brought relief and a level of peace to Deb, and it has led to progress for the relationship. She is a thoughtful and educated ambassador for the power of owning your own story. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

During his active addiction and early sobriety, Matt never had an idea that Sheri was interested in hearing about. Whether it was his arrogance, his gaslighting or his mistakes, new ideas just meant challenges and heartache for Sheri. But things are different now. Sheri welcomes Matt’s suggestions, and the couple discusses their plans and ideas as a true partnership focused on their mutual best interest. They also enjoy euchre much more than in Matt’s drinking days. There’s lots of uplifting laughter in this episode. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, it may be hard to be truthful and authentic with your partner who is dealing with or recovering from addiction. You’re vulnerability has probably been used against you in the past, you might think your spouse has too much on his plate to be burdened by your problems, and he might have the habit of offering quick fixes to brush you aside. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how important it is for the loved ones to stop picking up the alcoholic pieces, and concentrate on their own needs. And to express those needs, knowing that authenticity might not be well received. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

“You do what I tell you or else,” statements rarely work, and they create additional friction while weakening our relative positions in relationships. In this episode, Sheri and Matt share their personal experiences with ultimatums and boundaries, and they discuss best practices for couples still in the heat of battle with addiction. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

More than anything else, recovering a relationship from alcoholism is a huge communication problem. And it isn’t just a problem with the words we choose, it is the modes of communication that keep us stuck as well. If you are texting your spouse about anything deeper than who is supposed to pick up milk on the way home, that is a huge red flag for Sheri and Matt who bring all the technological advancement of their flip phone and sliding keyboard to this discussion. Marriage communication is hard enough without sabotaging our own relationships. Sheri and Matt have some “dos” and “don’ts” tucking inside some tears and some laughter. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

For alcoholics, there is a direct relationship between the shame from past behaviors, and a tangible liquid called alcohol. For the loved ones of alcoholics, spouses in particular, the source of shame is far less direct and recognizable. The shame for the loved ones grows diabolically out of regret. It is a complex web that keeps people stuck, and Sheri and Matt talk all about regret and how to break free. What would you say if we told you regret was actually a good thing? If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Do you remember a correction, disciplinary action or criticism from years or decades ago that still hurts? We bet the person who delivered those words doesn’t remember. Have you ever delivered a message that someone will never forget? Pain inflicted between people who love each other, often between parents and their kids of any age, is common. Just because we reach the age of independence doesn’t mean we don’t care what our parents think. And just because our kids don’t need us anymore doesn’t mean they don’t yearn for connection. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the impact of painful words between parents and kids, as well as between spouses, and the impact those words have on addiction and recovery. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

There is an enormous relief that comes with shining a light into the dark corners and letting the truth be heard. And it is more than emotional and mental relief – it is vitally important to our physical health to find an outlet for the truth. It is not as easy as it sounds – especially in an alcoholic relationship where the stories are woven together. But like Ellen says, the truth always wins. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Active alcohol addiction is not always loud and chaotic. Sometimes, the silence of the person suffering the pain of addiction causes a different kind of trauma. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Kate to the podcast. She shares her experiences with insecurity, strategizing her communication, and a willingness to do whatever it took to end the silence. At the end of the episode, Kate explains why having these conversations out loud is so important to her healing process. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Experiencing the addiction and early sobriety of a loved one can feel painful, lonely, chaotic, traumatic, isolating and terrorizing for the spouses of alcoholics. On this episode, Matt asks Sheri to recall the emotions she experienced in different stages of the process. The first step to recovery is to realize you are not alone. If you are married to an alcoholic, and you are stuck in painful confusion, this episode might start to unlock a path forward. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The healing that comes for some in the recovery from alcoholism is the result of hard work. We have to want sobriety for ourselves, and not to appease someone else. We also have to want sobriety because of the immense benefits, not because we are running away from something we can no longer have. In this episode, Sheri and Matt explain that there is nothing subtle about the differences in approaches taken by those who find success in recovery, versus those who get stuck, unable to make it over the hump. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Trust and alcoholism can’t coexist. Intimacy is impossible without trust and vulnerability. So, alcoholism and intimacy are mutually exclusive. If you are in an alcoholic relationship, something important is missing (but you already know that). On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the two paths sexual contact can take in an alcoholic marriage. They explain the childbirth fork in the road, and challenge their own assumptions about maturity. The couple discusses why it is so hard to communicate about satisfaction, and pin the blame for a lot of the dysfunction on a sex education curriculum that is designed to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy, and never explains female pleasure. At the risk of oversimplification, Sheri and Matt summarize why intimacy during or after alcoholism is so elusive, and how it can be restored. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Our family and our friends mean well when they give us advice about our alcoholic marriages. The problem with well-meaning advice from people who have never walked in our shoes is that it often misses the mark. In fact, it often ads significantly to the pain we are already enduring. No one explains it better than our guest on this episode. Dawn shares her writing on this topic, and discusses the pain of “helpful advice” with Sheri and Matt. The three of them brainstorm alternative ways to support without adding to the stress and hurt. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

As an active alcoholic, Matt put a lot of the blame for their dysfunctional marriage on Sheri. In early sobriety, he blamed himself for the overwhelming shame he felt. The whole time, Sheri was convinced Matt and his drinking were to blame. Once the couple learned to blame the alcohol, treat alcoholism like the disease that it is, and think of the addict as a third person separate from Matt, there was some relief. But sobriety doesn’t fix anything, and that realization is where the work started. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how alcoholics in recovery can’t hide behind the disease diagnosis. Resentment processing must take place, and the road to rebuilding trust is long and challenging. We should rightly blame the disease, but we still have to do the work of recovery or the marriage simply cannot ever get better. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

“I look at the face that looks back at me from the mirror, and it’s jarring. I look like I’ve aged ten years in just this last one. But it’s more than superficial. The heartbreak that came with my husband’s near death with end-stage alcoholism has cracked open my heart.” Kathy has learned so much while she endured tremendous pain, and on this episode, she shares both her experiences, and her passion for change in the way our society views and manages alcohol and addiction. She explains how she sees alcohol everywhere, creating chaos and dysfunction. And she explains why the normalization of alcohol abuse, and the low success rates in addiction recovery, can no longer be tolerated. Kathy references Inside Recovery by Anne Fletcher. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The week after Christmas offers lots of threats to sobriety and mental health. Family tension, financial strain, an overbooked calendar, and festive expectations all lead to stress and pressure that is not relieved when the holiday celebration is over. The long, cold winter looms, and the aftermath of the holiday lingers. On this episode, Sheri and Matt reassure our listeners that they are not alone, their emotions are real, and that support is available. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Sometimes, like in Matt’s case, high-functioning alcoholics are also control-freak assholes. Other times, people who abuse alcohol withdraw leaving all the decisions to the spouse or other loved ones. In both cases, there are serious risks associated with making decisions. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk all about it. They also discuss why the holidays cause so many relapses, and the pressures the additional holiday decisions add to the stress on a marriage in active addiction or early recovery. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

“You sure did have a good time at the Christmas party, Matt.” When he was actively drinking, Matt heard statements like that more than a few times. But they carried no shame, because our society celebrates those who are good at, well, celebrating. Thinking back to teenage experimentation and 20s binge drinking, getting drunk is actually admirable…until it’s not. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the hypocrisy that led to over 15 million American alcoholics. They discuss the completely dismissed risks and dangers to young people, and they talk about how the runway afforded to high-functioning alcoholics keeps families locked in traumatic cycles for years and decades. They end discussing the reward of sobriety in a society that worships the bottle. They laugh a lot on this episode, even though the truth is anything but funny. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Just over a year after her husband took his own life while firmly in the grasp of alcohol addiction, Dusti Shay is ready to tell her story for the benefit of others fighting to survive this dreadful disease. This episode is tragic and heartbreaking, but it is also powerful and a tribute to the man Dusti married and the incredible love they shared. If you are triggered by discussions about suicide or violence, this episode is not for you. But if those are not your triggers, please don’t skip this episode because you are afraid of the emotional toll it will have on you. The honesty and vulnerability Dusti shares is full of wisdom and insight that is not to be missed. As Dusti explains, her husband’s death is a tragedy without a silver lining, but it gave her the gift of healing. And she shares her gift with all of us. To read Dusti’s story in her own words, check out her blog. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Christina Veselak is a mental health nutritionist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a licensed psychotherapist who founded the Academy for Addiction and Mental Health Nutrition, and she agrees with Sheri and Matt that food is medicine. On this episode, she shares her 35 years of experience in the field helping people suffering from addiction – both alcoholics and their spouses and other loved ones – heal using the amino acids available in proteins. She gives colorful examples of why amino acid therapy is so effective, and offers special advice for loved ones looking for ways to regulate their overwhelmed nervous systems. For more about Christina’s work, and to help her spread the message, please check out her new website, EatingProteinSavesLives.org, or click here to get her free ebook. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Alcohol plays such a prominent role in the Thanksgiving celebrations in our society that the holiday deserves a conversation all its own. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive their Thanksgivings during his active alcoholism and his early sobriety. They also flex their SNL fanclub muscles, and Matt grosses Sheri out talking about eating the turkey neck. We hope you gobble up this episode (there’s the pun you were waiting for). If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Robert Weiss, the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, to the Untoxicated Podcast. Dr. Rob has his PhD (he did his dissertation on codependency) and a masters in social work, and is an expert on addiction and adult intimacy disorders. He explains why codependence is not an actual diagnosis, and the blame and shame that the label carries is damaging to the loved ones of alcoholics. He calls the spouses and family of people suffering from addiction heroes, and explains why the concept of Prodependence is so much more accurate and effective because it celebrates empathy, compassion and relationship building. Dr. Rob honors Sheri for having the loving strength endure Matt’s alcoholism and do her very best to help him find permanent sobriety. You can find more about Dr. Rob and his work at his websites: prodependence.com seekingintegrity.com sexandrelationshiphealing.com If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

How do we expect positive outcomes in recovery when all of the language we use has a negative orientation? Stop drinking. Fix your spiritual deficiency. Don’t be codependent. Focusing on positive outcomes is more than fluffy self-help jargon. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the kinds of fundamental changes required for the recovery community to earn improved success rates. Matt quotes Dr. Abby Medcalf (Untoxicated Ep90) and Dr. Robert Weiss (Author of Prodependence and future Untoxicated guest) about the importance of positivity in the work they do with people in recovery. After the recording stops, Sheri makes fun of Matt’s man crush on Dr. Weiss for about a day and a half (sorry you can’t hear that). If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Halloween specifically, and autumn in general, is a season with high rates of relapse and drunken trauma. We are intentionally releasing this episode about haunting memories of Halloweens in early November because we know so many of our listeners have just suffered traumatic alcoholic experiences, and we want to empathetically and supportively share our painful recollections. You are not alone! This episode starts with Sheri and Matt recalling Matt’s love/hate relationship with Halloween starting from childhood. Just as alcoholism is a progressive disease, the terrorizing events of October 31st progress through this episode until Sheri gives an angry and emotional description of Matt’s rock bottom Halloween moment from half a decade ago. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

There is no doubt that the loved ones of alcoholics are victims, and that they require healing from the disease as the second-hand drinkers. But the label, “codependent,” is often misused to make the loved ones feel blamed and shamed for loving a person who suffers from addiction. Dawn experienced the pain of that blame, and on this episode, she tells Sheri and Matt all about it. Dawn has done the work of discovery, and she shares her struggles with forgiveness and reconnecting. But she trusts boundaries that have made her strong and independent, and regardless of the outcome of her marriage, she is a true recovery success story. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

The first year of his permanent sobriety, Matt felt like shit. It wasn’t for lack of recovery effort. His pleasure neurotransmitters that had been hijacked by alcohol just took a year or so to adjust to his sobriety. Even after that year, Matt dealt with secondary addictions as he worked to understand the underlying causes of his alcoholism. A lot of people complain of a joyless recovery and transference of addiction. It is both common and baffling. In this episode, Sheri and Matt address it all. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

When Sheri and Matt were seeking expert advise on restoring intimacy and growing closer together in their post-alcoholic marriage, they turned to the Emily’s: Dr. Emily Morse of the Sex with Emily podcast, and Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. On this episode, Sheri and Matt share the core messages from both the Emily’s, and relate what they have learned to their relationship recovery work. As promised in the episode, here is a link to Dr. Emily Nagoski’s website where you, our listener, can invite her to join Sheri and Matt on the Untoxicated Podcast. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Have you, or has someone you love, ever been absolutely determined to be done with alcohol in the morning, only to be drinking that very same evening? One of the major contributing factors to that alcohol-related whiplash is decision fatigue. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the reasons drinking alcohol adds volume and complexity to our decision making leaving us incapable of making good decisions. Alcohol is its own self-fulfilling prophecy. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

The popular misperception of an alcoholic marriage is that it always comes down to a frustrated wife trying to decide if she will divorce her alcoholic husband. As is the case with most things related to the disease of addiction, an alcoholic marriage is quite often a great deal more complicated than that. In this episode, Matt reads excerpts from an essay Liz wrote about the stormy year of alcohol, death, job loss, a car accident, depression, health issues, and emotional instability she and her husband are traversing – both independently and together. Liz adds color and details to the essay in a way only this thoughtful, insightful and brilliant woman can. She is making it out, and her story is an inspiration. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

When Matt thought he most needed Sheri’s support and sympathy while he was in early sobriety, Sheri was detached and focused on her own healing and independence. It turns out, Sheri’s detachment might have saved the marriage. What the alcoholic needs, and what the loved one needs from the recovery process, are counterintuitive and seemingly at odds. That’s one of the reasons we describe alcoholism as a diabolical disease. But there is a way to navigate sobriety as individuals, and make the relationship thrive in the end. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Success stories are too rare when it comes to recovering a marriage from the ravages of alcoholism and the challenges of recovery. We are so pleased to have Karen on the podcast to share her discovery path to healing her alcoholic marriage, now three years into sobriety. Karen uses compassion and lived experience to tell her story and inspire others. One of her greatest strengths is finding resources that help in her process, and she talks with Sheri and Matt about one of her favorite books, Prodependence. This episode is full of hope and honesty. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

The loved ones of alcoholics almost always experience gaslighting – the manipulative conversations alcoholics use to normalize excessive drinking. On this episode, Sheri talks about the impact of Matt’s gaslighting on her, and Matt provides an explanation for why gaslighting comes so naturally and is such a universal aspect of alcoholic relationships. They talk about the long-lasting effects of this manipulation – intentional or not. And the couple discusses the road back to healing and trust. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Worrying about stuff seems a common characteristic of high-functioning alcoholics. The object of concern can be work related, a family matter, or frankly, just about anything big or small. We use alcohol ineffectively to manage the worries. But this question remains: Does life stress create alcoholics, or does alcohol use create bad stress management skills and techniques? On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss this chicken or egg situation. They share their personal experiences, and ponder the societal trend toward new forms of chemically induced life management. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

We received so much feedback about “Ep99 – Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Relapse“, that Sheri and Matt felt compelled to address it in this unplanned follow-up episode. Some listeners were surprised to learn that challenges linger in extended recovery. Others empathized with the continued struggle. Still others felt like Matt’s insecurities continue while Sheri continues to suffer from his gaslighting. In this “Part 2” episode, Sheri and Matt address all of it. And they discuss Matt’s theories that self-esteem is the opposite of addiction, and trust is the opposite of the chaos of an alcoholic relationship. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

100! This is episode 100! What better way could there be to celebrate than by hosting the people the podcast is for, and who inspire the topics we discuss. For Ep100, Sheri and Matt welcome Jessica, Kim, Suzy, Karen, Nickie, Barbara, Haley and Suzanne from our Echoes of Recovery program. This expert panel discusses why a support network is crucial to the successful recovery of the loved ones of alcoholics. These eight guests are veteran members of Echoes, and they are an inspiration to Sheri and Matt to keep going and keep being vulnerable. We are not alone. We share a story, and a mission of healing. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery