Untoxicated Podcast

Family communication is fraught with pitfalls whether alcoholism is a factor or not. But with sobriety, we can make progress in our discovery. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss a family communication issue made worse by Matt’s dismissal of Sheri’s concerns and challenges. Ultimately, it was triggering for both of them and reminiscent of behavior from their alcoholic marriage. But Sheri’s instincts persevered, and this story is emblematic of the couple’s progress. In this episode, Sheri and Matt get excited about Jane’s suggestion to replace the word, “recovery,” with the word, “discovery.” To hear more insights from Jane, please listen to Ep54. If you love an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Have you ever cheated death? Have you ever had too much to drink, and put yourself in a dangerous situation? Have you ever passed out unable to protect yourself should the need arise? Have you ever left your children in the care of a spouse so drunk he couldn’t possibly answer the call should they need him? Have you gotten away with it despite flirting with disaster so many times? Cheryl Kuechler had flirted with drunken disaster. And had she not chosen sobriety two years ago, she would surely have died in early December 2020. Please listen to her story, and consider donating to the fund to help her put her life back together. Click here to Donate to Cheryl’s Restoration Fund

Low self esteem, insecurity and negative self talk – these issues plague so many of us, and they are particularly detrimental to people who love alcoholics and are trying to recover from trauma and codependency. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how women learn to say yes to gain approval and get what they want. Often, strength and real boundaries come when the spouse feels the kids are threatened or neglected. When the wife of an alcoholic prioritizes herself and is her own hero, she does so to the benefit of everyone in her life. Sheri and Matt cover a lot of ground in this important episode, including the toxic lessons girls learn about sex and alcohol before they are even adults. If you love an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Karen’s life did not go as planned. She married the man she loved, and they had four kids together. So far, so good. But when the progression of her husband’s drinking spiraled out of control, she realized she was living through a, “slow-motion car wreck.” To protect her kids, to protect herself, Karen filed for divorce. She reluctantly chose, “the nuclear option,” as she describes it. But here’s the good news, and such an important message for anyone in the same situation. Karen shares that, “the worst happened, and it was survivable.” On this episode, Karen shares her story of resilience and healing. Sheri and Matt thank her for explaining that even when marriage is sacred, important and religiously unbreakable, it still ends in divorce sometimes. Karen explains her dog therapy technique, and she shows us all what strength to rebuilt looks like. If you love an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Our book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage, isn’t for everybody. It is for high-functioning alcoholics who are considering sobriety, are sober, or should be sober. It is also for the loved ones of alcoholics who need to better understand the disease in order to heal and recover the relationship. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss why this book is important for people impacted by alcoholism. Spoiler alert: It isn’t important because of all the money selling books makes. Sheri also teases Matt about his fear of gum-chewing addiction for their kids, and Sheri makes up a new word. See all the ways you can get your copy of soberevolution here. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

It’s a Wonderful Life or White Christmas – who has experienced a holiday season that lives up to those perfect pictures of love, family and humanity? Norman Rockwell sets the bar pretty high, yet we still try to measure-up year after year. Add the trauma alcohol brings when mixed with unavoidable holiday stress, and it’s the most terrifying time of the year. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the holiday seasons of his active alcoholism, and also the recent years when alcohol has left the marriage. The holidays are no longer traumatizing, but they are still hard (but they’re getting better). Recovering a relationship takes on a whole new meaning at the holidays. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

The shame of alcoholism is not reserved only for the drinkers. The loved ones of drinkers feel an enormous amount of shame – for letting it get so bad and for being unable to fix the problems in the relationship. And when the gaslighting of the drinker makes the loved one question her own sanity, the shame mounts to debilitating levels. But there is hope. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the shame they both felt in their alcoholic marriage, and the keys to moving past it and feeling proud, confident, and on the road to healing and recovery. Also, Sheri makes fun of Matt’s inability to remember more than two things. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

The anger and resentment from her husband’s drinking was building inside our friend, Traci. If he kept drinking, she faced a selfless and dreadful decision. “I loved him too much to stay and punish him.” Then, she learned of the damage his drinking was having on her. The episode title is not a metaphor. The stress and trauma of Traci’s alcoholic marriage almost killed her. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome their friend to share her story of pain, sickness and rebuilding. Everyone knows alcoholism is deadly to the alcoholic, but do you truly appreciate that loving an alcoholic can be a matter of life and death, too? This is a powerful and heartbreaking conversation. If you are interested in the “Coming Out” letter Traci references that helped her identify her husband as a high-functioning alcoholic, you can find it here. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

If you’ve ever looked for the root cause of your anger, you’ve probably read or heard that anger is the outward manifestation of fear. There’s wisdom there, but it goes deeper. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the concept of considering what their anger means about themselves. We can’t change other people. To alleviate our own anger, we can leave the situation or we can make changes to ourselves. They talk about how much easier it is to understand this concept than it is to execute it. When the alcohol left the relationship, and years of recovery work was in the books, the anger lingers. Why, and what can be done about it? If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Alcoholism is so insidious because of how it creeps into relationships and destroys us from the inside. When did my husband turn from a sweet, loving man into such a repulsive tyrant? When did my wife become so nasty and nagging, and why isn’t she interested in me anymore? Even in early sobriety, both parties in an alcoholic relationship are trying to assess blame. Sure, he is an alcoholic, but I am not exactly easy to live with. I know I’ve got to own my drinking, but she turned into a complete bitch. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how important it is to blame the disease. If you are trying to assess blame in your alcoholic marriage, blame the alcohol. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Sheri and Matt are joined on this episode by a fellow survivor of an alcoholic marriage, their good friend and Denver neighbor, Kate. Just like Sheri, Kate endured years of gaslighting, denial and progressively deteriorating behavior. The three discuss the impact on the kids even when they think they are doing their best to protect the little ones from the trauma. Kate shares her feelings of being stuck without options, and she talks about the isolation of falling out of love with her husband. She explains her turning point and ultimate decision to leave the destructive marriage and find health and healing for herself and her kids. Kate ends the podcast with some great resources and advice for women in this same incredibly common situation. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Sheri and Matt tell the story of the trauma of their wedding. Devastating and heartbreaking? Yes. Unusual? Sadly, no. It was such a shameful event that this is only the second time the couple has shared the story publicly, the first being in their new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage. This episode is emotional. The tears come from the sadness of lost potential, and also how ridiculously common the events that took place just before the couple’s wedding and on through the reception truly are. It is their story, but it is probably your story, too. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Being a part of the alcoholism recovery community is all about putting out fires that are already started. That’s important, but that’s not what this conversation is about. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about preventing the fires from starting – they discuss the two things we need to do as a society and culture to cure the epidemic of alcoholism that afflicts more people than suffer from cancer and kills way more than three million people a year. We need to tie the resulting damage to alcohol, and we need to open up the dialogue. They share a joke about how it is easier to come out as gay than it is to come out alcoholic, and Matt reveals his sensitivity to making people angry who want to keep their private lives private. Oh, and they share that their new book is the Amazon #1 New Release in Alcoholism Recovery, and is available at soberevolution.org. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

If you’ve listened to the Untoxicated Podcast before, you know Sheri’s and Matt’s story is not unique, because you are probably in the middle of a similar trauma. Still, experiencing alcoholism, as the drinker or as the loved one, is a tremendously isolating and lonely place to be. To help you feel less alone, Sheri and Matt invited Jane to share her pain and anger on this episode. Jane talks about how frustrating it is to be in the middle of it and find resources that resonate. There is clinical advice from people who learned about surviving addiction from books and studies. There are people that look back and tell their stories from the past years after they have processed and moved on. But no one is talking about it while they are in it. Until now. Jane is talking, and her story is as real and raw as it is heartfelt and timely. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Listeners and readers often share that they can’t imagine their alcoholic spouses reaching the level of clarity that Matt and Sheri share on this podcast. Matt is nothing special, and his mediocrity should inspire others to believe an enlightened recovery from alcoholism is possible. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the heaviness that penetrates everything. Matt runs through his lack-luster life accomplishments, and Sheri rethinks her life choices. They try to lighten the mood and bring reality to the societal burden alcoholism has become. Sheri’s and Matt’s new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage is available on Amazon for pre-order. Join the book launch team and receive an advance copy pdf version now. Join the soberevolution Book Launch Team

As an active alcoholic, Matt thought all of his attempts to control his drinking, his pontifications about how it would be different this time, and his complaints about how bad he felt after a binge, were of interest to Sheri. They were not. In fact, over time, they drove a wedge of resentment into the marriage that would take years to extract. Sobriety didn’t fix anything. When the alcohol was gone, the problems became more obvious. In this episode, Matt and Sheri talk directly to the alcoholics and try to deliver a potentially marriage-saving message. It’s not her fault. She’s not just an intolerant bitch. It’s the alcohol. It’s you. If you are going to save the marriage, you’re going to have to come to grips with some things. Our new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage is available on Amazon for pre-order. Join our book launch team and receive an advance copy pdf version now. Join the soberevolution Book Launch Team

After a decade of developing disdain for her alcoholic husband, the disease transformed Sheri into a bit of bitch. And now, looking back, no one is happier about the bitchiness than Matt. Sheri and Matt talk about the internal pain that Matt required in order to finally make it over the hump to permanent sobriety. The alcohol-induced depression and anxiety were debilitating, but the extremely cold shoulder from his wife was painful as well. And it was a major contributing factor in his eventual recovery. Sheri set boundaries and detached before she knew what either of those terms meant. We hope our story can speed along the progress of your story. Our new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage is available on Amazon for Kindle pre-order. Join our book launch team and receive an advance copy pdf version now. Join the soberevolution Book Launch Team

Socializing sober is not just a challenge for alcoholics in recovery. Everyone impacted by this disease has to find a groove in a society that depends on alcohol for all social occasions. In this episode, Matt complains about stinky beer breath while Sheri glares in disbelief that he has the nerve to verbalize such a complaint from the same hole that used to ruminate in stinky beer breath. Matt also makes a regrettable comment about how with a world full of men like him, he’s surprised every woman isn’t a lesbian. It isn’t Matt’s best day, but still, the truth about socializing sober in a booze-soaked world is raw and enlightening. It just proves that we, as a culture, have a long way to go. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Sobriety doesn’t fix anything, but it is a prerequisite for recovery from an alcoholic marriage. Once we realize we have removed alcohol, and our relationship is getting worse, we’ve got a lot of work to do. And the journey is a bitch. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how much scarier recovery is than addiction, learning to listen to our instincts, moving past insecurities and why trust isn’t just something you push through and make yourself feel. This one is deep, and we hope our stumbling and fumbling will make the task of recovery a little smoother for the relationships just getting started on the journey. Sheri also gives Matt a double-barrel salute, and we talk about recovery words Matt hates (like recovery), so it’s not all super heavy. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

We asked a group of loved ones of alcoholics to read a chapter of our book, soberevolution, that will be released on September 23rd. The chapter is titled “Healing Wounds,” and it is about working through the resentments of an alcoholic marriage, dealing with damage done to the kids, rebuilding trust and the important role of patience. The focus group described the chapter as a fairytale. They did not feel like their alcoholic relationships could ever reach the goal of repair. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the long and arduous process of making the fairytale a reality. We talk about how emotionally immature I was, and how far away I was from understanding what was happening to our marriage, before I was in long-term sobriety. Our story is not an impossible fairytale, but it does require work and patience. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

We talk a lot of the trauma and pain of living with an alcoholic, but we rarely share the details. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the emotional struggles of confronting alcoholism head on, trying not to engage because it is pointless, and the triggers that make ignoring the problem impossible. The advice of experts is helpful, but human instinct sometimes makes following best practices impossible. Sheri relives the emotional moments and the reactions they caused. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Recovery is not a binary choice. You are not a success if you are sober, and a failure if you relapse. The same is true for the loved ones of alcoholics. Perfection should not be the goal. Progress should. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the impact that we make on the people around us in our pursuit of recovery from our alcoholic marriage. Sheri calls it transformation (helpful), and Matt talks about Olympic javelin throwers stabbing themselves in the foot (less helpful). They both agree the destination is worth the effort when it comes to transforming out of an alcoholic marriage. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

I thought I was so funny, cute, smart and charming when I was drinking. Little did I know, I was just a loud and boorish bloviator of intoxicated rambling. Now I’m sober. Now I see it. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the stark reality of sobriety, and the honest challenges that come along with the good of no longer poisoning my brain. As our roles in our relationship shift, and our contributions to the marriage come into balance, the reality is emotional. If you would like to connect with others who are going through the same emotional navigation of loving an alcoholic, we’d love for you to join us in the Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, it is easy to blame poor lifestyle choices and lack of willpower for the jam your abusive drinker has gotten the both of you into. But it is far more complex than that, and tragically misunderstood. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the brain chemistry of alcoholism. We especially look at it from Sheri’s perspective as her opinions changed through her education and understanding of what was really going on in Matt’s noggin. If you resonate with this conversation, and you are seeking support for your recovery as the loved one of an alcoholic, we hope you’ll check out our program of connection, empathy, compassion and healing: Echoes of Recovery

A dry drunk is a label associated with someone who white-knuckles his way through sobriety. A dry drunk might not be drinking alcohol, but he is not learning, growing or seeking the enlightenment of recovery. Sheri and Matt are in the middle of a raw and traumatic dry relapse in their relationship recovery. Alcohol has had no place in their marriage for 3 1/2 years now, but the lack of trust and need to be trusted has sent us reeling into a pit of despair as though we are still in active alcoholism. The pain and hopelessness is palpable in this episode recorded during the depths of the conflict. Here we explain in vivid reality the number one reason most marriages in recovery from alcoholism end in divorce. If you resonate, and you want a safe place to share your story of loving an alcoholic, please check out our Echoes of Recovery Program. Echoes of Recovery

One of the most common concerns Sheri and Matt hear from the loved ones of alcoholics is, “He’s a drunk asshole now, but what if he sobers up, and he’s still an asshole?” The processes of alcoholism sobriety and relationship recovery are long and arduous, and they take as much patience as they require effort. Just as alcoholism is a progressive disease, there is a progression to recovery. We don’t lose our asshole-ness as soon as we put down the drink. It takes time, and the final destination isn’t perfect. But it’s a good, normal, asshole-free messy. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, and you would like to connect with others who know what you are going through, please consider joining our Echoes of Recovery program. Check out the link below: Echoes of Recovery

Sheri and Matt had drastically different exposures to alcohol when we were growing up, and we carried that experience into our parenting roles. Our kids were all exposed to Matt’s alcoholism, to varying degrees because of their different ages, but now, they are all exposed to this experiment where both parents are both sober and educated on the dangers of alcohol. On this episode, we talk about our excitement about the outcomes so far of our approach to parenting in recovery. But we also share our anxiety about the future. We encourage anyone who wants to transform their family unit to one where alcohol has ben eliminated, and the truth about alcohol is exposed, to consider joining our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics. For more information, or to enroll, please click the link below: Echoes of Recovery

Sheri and Matt are big believers in the power of vulnerability, and the huge gains in enlightenment and healing we have made as a result of recovering out loud. But in this episode, we talk about friendships lost through the recovery process. These losses are a real thing, and they cannot be ignored. But then we pull the conversation out of the ditch and talk about how thankful we are for the profoundly deep and meaningful friendships that would not be possible if not for the recovery of our alcoholic marriage. And the Echoes of Recovery program is a huge part of that. To learn more about Echoes of Recovery, or to enroll, please click the link below: Echoes of Recovery

Sheri and Matt talk about the evolving process of learning to trust instincts. The greatest challenge to listening to what she knows to be true are the lingering alcoholic relationship insecurities. We share the “lightbulb moment” from our Echoes of Recovery program which provides connection for the loved ones of alcoholics. The sharing and communication gives a validation of instincts not available anywhere else in the recovery world. Echoes of Recovery is loved ones of alcoholics helping other loved ones of alcoholics to heal and thrive, and it’s a beautiful thing. For more information, or to enroll, check us out at: EchoesOfRecovery.com

I had a huge ego as an active alcoholic. I thought I was great. My wife, Sheri, found me repulsive and stupid, and she felt betrayed by my love of alcohol. When I stopped drinking, Sheri’s feelings and attitude did not automatically change. I was sober and our relationship continued to deteriorate. I thought I was married to a bitch. In this episode, Matt and Sheri talk about my awakening – my realization that our relationship problems were not all her fault. The challenge of blaming the disease, and having patience in recovery, is what trips up most relationships in recovery, resulting in so many divorces. If you are the loved on of an alcoholic, we encourage you to check out our Echoes of Recovery program where we offer connection and understanding of our shared stories. You are not a bitch, and we know it. Checks us out at: EchoesOfRecovery.com

Active alcoholism is selfish, but everyone knows that. Early sobriety is equally selfish, but this time, for a good reason. For Matt and Sheri, our relationship has long been about prioritizing Matt’s needs while Sheri holds it all together. But the pressure has been building through it all, and without a recovery plan of her own, no amount of time heals the wounds. So now, it is Sheri’s turn to be priority number one in the relationship and in her recovery.

Three years into recovery from Matt’s alcoholism, fearful anticipation lingers for Sheri. In this episode, we discuss the worry and anxiety that Sheri feels when bringing up even the most innocent and uncontroversial of topics, and we talk about how Matt is less judgemental than he was as an arrogant alcoholic. We also laugh about fake poop and dirty underwear.

One of the most widely accepted misperceptions about alcohol addiction is that the drinkers are the only people facing enormous challenges in recovery. The fact is that the loved ones of alcoholics have just as much work to do to heal, and the stigma associated with codependency makes the work just as challenging. In this episode, Sheri and Matt introduce our new Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics. We discuss what we offer to the millions of effected loved ones, and we talk about what we hope to gain in our recoveries by facilitating this program. We hope you’ll listen. If you’d like to read more about Echoes of Recovery, or if you’d like to enroll, please check out Echoes of Recovery.

On our first remotely recorded episode due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Matt and Debbie Scheer discuss the public policy decision that threw Denver into chaos. The mayor announced that liquor stores and marijuana dispensaries were not essential, and would close the following day. That order lasted about an hour due to the chaos it caused. Lines wrapped around blocks as people scrambled to get their booze before their access was cut off. It would be funny if not so damn sad, for a number of reasons that Debbie and Matt discuss.

While the COVID-19 pandemic is nothing like the terrorist attack on America we suffered during 9/11, it does isolate and confine us in a similar way. Back then, 19 years ago, I sat on the couch, watched cable news, drank massive amounts of vodka and sulked. I can’t help but imagine that millions of drinkers will have the impulse to do the same thing now as we hunker down and watch the news about the spread of the disease and associated closings and cancelations. On this episode of the Untoxicated Podcast, that’s what Sheri and I talk about. Avoid the temptation, it will only make you feel worse.

Was your middle school sex ed experience as shrouded in shameful secrecy and as incomplete as ours? In this episode, Matt and Debbie talk about the lasting negative impact of our society’s refusal to talk openly and honestly about one the most potentially beautiful and totally natural human acts. It isn’t just about fumbling awkwardness. When we don’t talk about sex, fulfilment, satisfaction, pride, love and intimacy are nearly impossible. Doing it in sobriety creates a whole new set of challenges that we avoided for years by drinking through our inhibitions.

Sheri and Matt dive deeper than ever before into the intimate details of our alcoholic marriage. Our relationship started in a very typical manner – we mixed booze and romance and lowered all inhibitions. As life pressure built from work stress and raising children, our intimacy morphed from typical to tragic, and love was squeezed out of our physical connection. Now, in recovery from alcoholism, we are trying to pick up the pieces and restore trust and intimacy from the rubble of our alcoholic marriage. Looking back is hard. Moving forward is harder still.

The damage done by alcohol is no laughing matter, but if we lighten up and loosen up, honest, healing conversation often follows. No one knows more about using humor as the ultimate icebreaker when discussing difficult subjects than my friend Debbie Scheer. Debbie is a professional speaker, she is the mother of two young boys and she is living her best life alcohol free. She uses humor to delve into the issues no one is otherwise willing to talk about. This is the first of (hopefully) many times Debbie joins me on the Untoxicated Podcast, because it is time to take the conversation to the next level. We are trying to discuss such difficult issues, and I’m eager to welcome Debbie’s magnificent skills to talk about the untalkable. Check out Debbie’s website, and please let me know if you’d like to hear more from Debbie Scheer!

To blame my alcoholism on Doritos is a bold statement, but the more we learn about neurochemistry and the way our brains process inputs, the more obvious the link between my adolescent snack patterns and my addiction to alcohol becomes. I am often asked how I knew I was an alcoholic when my high-functioning life hid it so well. I am also often asked how I became an alcoholic while others with similar drinking patterns seem immune to the disease. In this episode, I answer those questions, and talk about the power of claiming the alcoholic label in defeating the associated stigma.

Emily Schrader has always been a risk taker. Drinking alcohol and doing drugs was a natural fit for a woman living life on the edge. Now, with 15 years of sobriety, she is taking a different kind of risk putting everything she’s got into her non-profit mission called Bar Zero. Starting as a catering company that offers an exotic dry bar experience, Bar Zero will eventually grow into a full brick and mortar restaurant and bar here in Denver. With the “sober curious” movement proving to be more than a passing trend, I’m not sure her vision is much of a risk at all. After hearing her story of redemption, compassion, dedication and proven experience, I’m excited to see what the future holds for those of us who want a place where we fit, with a wide variety of mixed drinks, hold the poison. Visionaries like Emily are making the dream happen in cities all over the United States. Only listen if you want to get excited about it, too. For more information about Bar Zero, to contact Emily Schrader or to get involved with their mission, please checkout their website.

I’m supposed to feel rested coming off the holidays, right? So why do I feel so bad – worthless and sinking? Some people drink to avoid processing trauma, abuse or neglect. High-functioning alcoholics like me drink as a reprieve from the relentless pursuit of accomplishment. This episode isn’t specifically about alcoholism or addiction in general. It is about dealing with the human condition in a society that pushes us into an endless loop of self-dissatisfaction.

This is our third consecutive sober holiday season, and it is monumentally better for both my wife and me. In this episode, Sheri and I discuss the differences in Christmas number three on our quest for recovery. The stress and excitement are still there, but we’ve finally shed the pressure from both keeping up appearances, and the dreadful anticipation of alcoholic antics. It’s really much, much better, but it didn’t come easily nor quickly.

In this episode, I share a speech I gave to a community of people recovering from alcoholism through the twelve steps. It was not an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, though many of the people in the audience were AA participants. In the speech I make the argument that alcoholism is not a spiritual problem for me, so a spiritual solution is no solution at all. The speech led to a lively, yet open-minded discussion. Now I want to know what you think. I hope you’ll listen, share a comment or send me an email at [email protected].

Jolene Park and her friends were like the cast of Sex in the City with their nights on the town and affinity for classy wines while complaining about their relationship struggles. The dots where there, but Jolene couldn’t connect them. Until she stopped drinking. Now Jolene is a leading voice talking about the benefits of going alcohol free, no matter where you are on the spectrum from casual drinker to falling-down drunk. Learn more about her nutrition and freedom from drinking coaching at grayareadrinkers.com and healthydiscoveries.com. Check out Jolene’s interview on the Home Podcast with Laura McKowen and Holly Whitaker that really launched her work in this area. Then, check out her Tedx that went viral and has over 120,000 views. This is a great conversation with a health care professional and sobriety badass doing great work to destroy the stigma and help people become their best selves when they leave drinking behind.

When I was trying to gain my permanent sobriety, I needed my wife’s support more than ever. I thought her cautions attitude and reserved enthusiasm was selfish on her part. I didn’t understand that she needed to protect herself, and she had no control over my commitment to never drink again. I was the one who was selfish by crushing her soul, then expecting her to celebrate my recovery. We discuss this topic, and also our new ebook written from Sheri’s perspective called: He’s Sober. Now What? A Spouse’s Guide to Alcoholism Recovery. We hope you download it now for free!

Christy Wynne didn’t have a spectacular, catastrophic, up-in-flames relationship with alcohol. Sure, she partied for many years, but she decided to leave the booze behind because she just didn’t feel right, and she could deny the cause of her health just being off no longer. Now she has taken her sobriety to new levels by coaching other gray area drinkers and speaking out about the damage caused to women by the mommy wine culture. In this episode, we debate the use of the label, “alcoholic,” and talk about Christy’s one-day-at-a-time approach to sobriety versus Matt’s commitment to permanent sobriety. The bottom line is that there is a wide spectrum of people who are questioning their relationship with alcohol, and Christy shares what she has learned about treating each person individually to help them feel better and reach full potential. Christy is @danceyourselfcleancoaching on facebook and Instagram, and you can check out her website and email below: danceyourselfcleancoaching.com [email protected] Here’s an article published in Urban Life Wash Park in January of 2019 where Christy discusses gray area drinking: Alcohol and Women: The Unsexy Truth

The damage done to our marriage by my active alcoholism was massive. We are still trying to deal with the resentment, and repair trust and our intimate relationship. But now, we face an unexpected challenge. Sheri’s occasional, social drinking is having a toxic effect on our marriage. I’m not proud of the impact, but I do think it is important that we talk about it. Please let us know what you think. Comment on the episode, or contact us directly: [email protected] [email protected]

Almost 15 million Americans have cancer, but there are more than 15 million American alcoholics. Addiction to alcoholism touches all of our lives. In this speech designed to inform and destigmatize, I talk about how victims of cancer are treated with love and care while victim of alcoholism are treated with scorn and shame. The cure for alcoholism is available to us in changed attitudes and in the voices of those of us willing to tell our stories – willing to wear the label alcoholic without fear. It is a speech about misperception and bravery. It is about societal influence and rejecting the stigma. Most of all, it is about the cure. For more information about speaking opportunites, please visit the Outspoken page of my SoberAndUnashamed.com website, or contact me at [email protected].

Listen to this speech I wrote for the students at a large, racially and economically diverse high school after they experienced a series of brazen and dangerous incidents of alcohol abuse. We can’t convince all adolescents to abstain from alcohol, but we can convince them to make drinking a choice with two acceptable answers. Let’s reduce peer pressure and increase mutual respect. Maybe we should give our teens the chance to make the right choice when drinking alcohol isn’t an expectation. If you would like to talk about speaking opportunites, please contact me at [email protected], or visit my Outspoken website.

Sheri and I are stuck. We have made tremendous progress in the recovery of our relationship, now in the third year of my sobriety, but resentments from the past continue to haunt us. We have unpacked, dealt with, explored, rehashed, discussed and worked through all of the issues. We have apologized – me for my drunken behavior, and Sheri for her angry responses – sincerely and endlessly. But it isn’t enough to free Sheri of the burdens of resentment. Good news – Jason is back. Untoxicated Podcast co-founder and licensed addiction counselor and couples therapist Jason Polk is our guest, and he is joined by his friend Lana Isaacson, also a licenced couples therapist and addiction counselor. They offer suggestions about releasing resentments and getting unstuck, as well as tips on a host of other topics faced by relationships in recovery. We are proud to recommend the workshop Lana and Jason are hosting for couples in recovery. They call it, “Have Each Other’s Backs Again,” and it will be held November 10th in suburban Denver. What a great way to get your marriage back on track after dealing with trauma from alcoholism or anything else that has you stuck. For more information, or to register, go to Lana’s website or Jason’s website.