Untoxicated Podcast

For alcoholics, there is a direct relationship between the shame from past behaviors, and a tangible liquid called alcohol. For the loved ones of alcoholics, spouses in particular, the source of shame is far less direct and recognizable. The shame for the loved ones grows diabolically out of regret. It is a complex web that keeps people stuck, and Sheri and Matt talk all about regret and how to break free. What would you say if we told you regret was actually a good thing? If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Do you remember a correction, disciplinary action or criticism from years or decades ago that still hurts? We bet the person who delivered those words doesn’t remember. Have you ever delivered a message that someone will never forget? Pain inflicted between people who love each other, often between parents and their kids of any age, is common. Just because we reach the age of independence doesn’t mean we don’t care what our parents think. And just because our kids don’t need us anymore doesn’t mean they don’t yearn for connection. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the impact of painful words between parents and kids, as well as between spouses, and the impact those words have on addiction and recovery. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

There is an enormous relief that comes with shining a light into the dark corners and letting the truth be heard. And it is more than emotional and mental relief – it is vitally important to our physical health to find an outlet for the truth. It is not as easy as it sounds – especially in an alcoholic relationship where the stories are woven together. But like Ellen says, the truth always wins. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Active alcohol addiction is not always loud and chaotic. Sometimes, the silence of the person suffering the pain of addiction causes a different kind of trauma. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Kate to the podcast. She shares her experiences with insecurity, strategizing her communication, and a willingness to do whatever it took to end the silence. At the end of the episode, Kate explains why having these conversations out loud is so important to her healing process. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Experiencing the addiction and early sobriety of a loved one can feel painful, lonely, chaotic, traumatic, isolating and terrorizing for the spouses of alcoholics. On this episode, Matt asks Sheri to recall the emotions she experienced in different stages of the process. The first step to recovery is to realize you are not alone. If you are married to an alcoholic, and you are stuck in painful confusion, this episode might start to unlock a path forward. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The healing that comes for some in the recovery from alcoholism is the result of hard work. We have to want sobriety for ourselves, and not to appease someone else. We also have to want sobriety because of the immense benefits, not because we are running away from something we can no longer have. In this episode, Sheri and Matt explain that there is nothing subtle about the differences in approaches taken by those who find success in recovery, versus those who get stuck, unable to make it over the hump. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Trust and alcoholism can’t coexist. Intimacy is impossible without trust and vulnerability. So, alcoholism and intimacy are mutually exclusive. If you are in an alcoholic relationship, something important is missing (but you already know that). On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the two paths sexual contact can take in an alcoholic marriage. They explain the childbirth fork in the road, and challenge their own assumptions about maturity. The couple discusses why it is so hard to communicate about satisfaction, and pin the blame for a lot of the dysfunction on a sex education curriculum that is designed to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy, and never explains female pleasure. At the risk of oversimplification, Sheri and Matt summarize why intimacy during or after alcoholism is so elusive, and how it can be restored. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Our family and our friends mean well when they give us advice about our alcoholic marriages. The problem with well-meaning advice from people who have never walked in our shoes is that it often misses the mark. In fact, it often ads significantly to the pain we are already enduring. No one explains it better than our guest on this episode. Dawn shares her writing on this topic, and discusses the pain of “helpful advice” with Sheri and Matt. The three of them brainstorm alternative ways to support without adding to the stress and hurt. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

As an active alcoholic, Matt put a lot of the blame for their dysfunctional marriage on Sheri. In early sobriety, he blamed himself for the overwhelming shame he felt. The whole time, Sheri was convinced Matt and his drinking were to blame. Once the couple learned to blame the alcohol, treat alcoholism like the disease that it is, and think of the addict as a third person separate from Matt, there was some relief. But sobriety doesn’t fix anything, and that realization is where the work started. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how alcoholics in recovery can’t hide behind the disease diagnosis. Resentment processing must take place, and the road to rebuilding trust is long and challenging. We should rightly blame the disease, but we still have to do the work of recovery or the marriage simply cannot ever get better. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

“I look at the face that looks back at me from the mirror, and it’s jarring. I look like I’ve aged ten years in just this last one. But it’s more than superficial. The heartbreak that came with my husband’s near death with end-stage alcoholism has cracked open my heart.” Kathy has learned so much while she endured tremendous pain, and on this episode, she shares both her experiences, and her passion for change in the way our society views and manages alcohol and addiction. She explains how she sees alcohol everywhere, creating chaos and dysfunction. And she explains why the normalization of alcohol abuse, and the low success rates in addiction recovery, can no longer be tolerated. Kathy references Inside Recovery by Anne Fletcher. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The week after Christmas offers lots of threats to sobriety and mental health. Family tension, financial strain, an overbooked calendar, and festive expectations all lead to stress and pressure that is not relieved when the holiday celebration is over. The long, cold winter looms, and the aftermath of the holiday lingers. On this episode, Sheri and Matt reassure our listeners that they are not alone, their emotions are real, and that support is available. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Sometimes, like in Matt’s case, high-functioning alcoholics are also control-freak assholes. Other times, people who abuse alcohol withdraw leaving all the decisions to the spouse or other loved ones. In both cases, there are serious risks associated with making decisions. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk all about it. They also discuss why the holidays cause so many relapses, and the pressures the additional holiday decisions add to the stress on a marriage in active addiction or early recovery. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

“You sure did have a good time at the Christmas party, Matt.” When he was actively drinking, Matt heard statements like that more than a few times. But they carried no shame, because our society celebrates those who are good at, well, celebrating. Thinking back to teenage experimentation and 20s binge drinking, getting drunk is actually admirable…until it’s not. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the hypocrisy that led to over 15 million American alcoholics. They discuss the completely dismissed risks and dangers to young people, and they talk about how the runway afforded to high-functioning alcoholics keeps families locked in traumatic cycles for years and decades. They end discussing the reward of sobriety in a society that worships the bottle. They laugh a lot on this episode, even though the truth is anything but funny. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Just over a year after her husband took his own life while firmly in the grasp of alcohol addiction, Dusti Shay is ready to tell her story for the benefit of others fighting to survive this dreadful disease. This episode is tragic and heartbreaking, but it is also powerful and a tribute to the man Dusti married and the incredible love they shared. If you are triggered by discussions about suicide or violence, this episode is not for you. But if those are not your triggers, please don’t skip this episode because you are afraid of the emotional toll it will have on you. The honesty and vulnerability Dusti shares is full of wisdom and insight that is not to be missed. As Dusti explains, her husband’s death is a tragedy without a silver lining, but it gave her the gift of healing. And she shares her gift with all of us. To read Dusti’s story in her own words, check out her blog. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Christina Veselak is a mental health nutritionist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a licensed psychotherapist who founded the Academy for Addiction and Mental Health Nutrition, and she agrees with Sheri and Matt that food is medicine. On this episode, she shares her 35 years of experience in the field helping people suffering from addiction – both alcoholics and their spouses and other loved ones – heal using the amino acids available in proteins. She gives colorful examples of why amino acid therapy is so effective, and offers special advice for loved ones looking for ways to regulate their overwhelmed nervous systems. For more about Christina’s work, and to help her spread the message, please check out her new website, EatingProteinSavesLives.org, or click here to get her free ebook. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Alcohol plays such a prominent role in the Thanksgiving celebrations in our society that the holiday deserves a conversation all its own. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive their Thanksgivings during his active alcoholism and his early sobriety. They also flex their SNL fanclub muscles, and Matt grosses Sheri out talking about eating the turkey neck. We hope you gobble up this episode (there’s the pun you were waiting for). If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Robert Weiss, the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, to the Untoxicated Podcast. Dr. Rob has his PhD (he did his dissertation on codependency) and a masters in social work, and is an expert on addiction and adult intimacy disorders. He explains why codependence is not an actual diagnosis, and the blame and shame that the label carries is damaging to the loved ones of alcoholics. He calls the spouses and family of people suffering from addiction heroes, and explains why the concept of Prodependence is so much more accurate and effective because it celebrates empathy, compassion and relationship building. Dr. Rob honors Sheri for having the loving strength endure Matt’s alcoholism and do her very best to help him find permanent sobriety. You can find more about Dr. Rob and his work at his websites: prodependence.com seekingintegrity.com sexandrelationshiphealing.com If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

How do we expect positive outcomes in recovery when all of the language we use has a negative orientation? Stop drinking. Fix your spiritual deficiency. Don’t be codependent. Focusing on positive outcomes is more than fluffy self-help jargon. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the kinds of fundamental changes required for the recovery community to earn improved success rates. Matt quotes Dr. Abby Medcalf (Untoxicated Ep90) and Dr. Robert Weiss (Author of Prodependence and future Untoxicated guest) about the importance of positivity in the work they do with people in recovery. After the recording stops, Sheri makes fun of Matt’s man crush on Dr. Weiss for about a day and a half (sorry you can’t hear that). If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Halloween specifically, and autumn in general, is a season with high rates of relapse and drunken trauma. We are intentionally releasing this episode about haunting memories of Halloweens in early November because we know so many of our listeners have just suffered traumatic alcoholic experiences, and we want to empathetically and supportively share our painful recollections. You are not alone! This episode starts with Sheri and Matt recalling Matt’s love/hate relationship with Halloween starting from childhood. Just as alcoholism is a progressive disease, the terrorizing events of October 31st progress through this episode until Sheri gives an angry and emotional description of Matt’s rock bottom Halloween moment from half a decade ago. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

There is no doubt that the loved ones of alcoholics are victims, and that they require healing from the disease as the second-hand drinkers. But the label, “codependent,” is often misused to make the loved ones feel blamed and shamed for loving a person who suffers from addiction. Dawn experienced the pain of that blame, and on this episode, she tells Sheri and Matt all about it. Dawn has done the work of discovery, and she shares her struggles with forgiveness and reconnecting. But she trusts boundaries that have made her strong and independent, and regardless of the outcome of her marriage, she is a true recovery success story. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

The first year of his permanent sobriety, Matt felt like shit. It wasn’t for lack of recovery effort. His pleasure neurotransmitters that had been hijacked by alcohol just took a year or so to adjust to his sobriety. Even after that year, Matt dealt with secondary addictions as he worked to understand the underlying causes of his alcoholism. A lot of people complain of a joyless recovery and transference of addiction. It is both common and baffling. In this episode, Sheri and Matt address it all. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

When Sheri and Matt were seeking expert advise on restoring intimacy and growing closer together in their post-alcoholic marriage, they turned to the Emily’s: Dr. Emily Morse of the Sex with Emily podcast, and Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. On this episode, Sheri and Matt share the core messages from both the Emily’s, and relate what they have learned to their relationship recovery work. As promised in the episode, here is a link to Dr. Emily Nagoski’s website where you, our listener, can invite her to join Sheri and Matt on the Untoxicated Podcast. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Have you, or has someone you love, ever been absolutely determined to be done with alcohol in the morning, only to be drinking that very same evening? One of the major contributing factors to that alcohol-related whiplash is decision fatigue. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the reasons drinking alcohol adds volume and complexity to our decision making leaving us incapable of making good decisions. Alcohol is its own self-fulfilling prophecy. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

The popular misperception of an alcoholic marriage is that it always comes down to a frustrated wife trying to decide if she will divorce her alcoholic husband. As is the case with most things related to the disease of addiction, an alcoholic marriage is quite often a great deal more complicated than that. In this episode, Matt reads excerpts from an essay Liz wrote about the stormy year of alcohol, death, job loss, a car accident, depression, health issues, and emotional instability she and her husband are traversing – both independently and together. Liz adds color and details to the essay in a way only this thoughtful, insightful and brilliant woman can. She is making it out, and her story is an inspiration. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

When Matt thought he most needed Sheri’s support and sympathy while he was in early sobriety, Sheri was detached and focused on her own healing and independence. It turns out, Sheri’s detachment might have saved the marriage. What the alcoholic needs, and what the loved one needs from the recovery process, are counterintuitive and seemingly at odds. That’s one of the reasons we describe alcoholism as a diabolical disease. But there is a way to navigate sobriety as individuals, and make the relationship thrive in the end. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Success stories are too rare when it comes to recovering a marriage from the ravages of alcoholism and the challenges of recovery. We are so pleased to have Karen on the podcast to share her discovery path to healing her alcoholic marriage, now three years into sobriety. Karen uses compassion and lived experience to tell her story and inspire others. One of her greatest strengths is finding resources that help in her process, and she talks with Sheri and Matt about one of her favorite books, Prodependence. This episode is full of hope and honesty. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

The loved ones of alcoholics almost always experience gaslighting – the manipulative conversations alcoholics use to normalize excessive drinking. On this episode, Sheri talks about the impact of Matt’s gaslighting on her, and Matt provides an explanation for why gaslighting comes so naturally and is such a universal aspect of alcoholic relationships. They talk about the long-lasting effects of this manipulation – intentional or not. And the couple discusses the road back to healing and trust. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Worrying about stuff seems a common characteristic of high-functioning alcoholics. The object of concern can be work related, a family matter, or frankly, just about anything big or small. We use alcohol ineffectively to manage the worries. But this question remains: Does life stress create alcoholics, or does alcohol use create bad stress management skills and techniques? On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss this chicken or egg situation. They share their personal experiences, and ponder the societal trend toward new forms of chemically induced life management. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

We received so much feedback about “Ep99 – Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Relapse“, that Sheri and Matt felt compelled to address it in this unplanned follow-up episode. Some listeners were surprised to learn that challenges linger in extended recovery. Others empathized with the continued struggle. Still others felt like Matt’s insecurities continue while Sheri continues to suffer from his gaslighting. In this “Part 2” episode, Sheri and Matt address all of it. And they discuss Matt’s theories that self-esteem is the opposite of addiction, and trust is the opposite of the chaos of an alcoholic relationship. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

100! This is episode 100! What better way could there be to celebrate than by hosting the people the podcast is for, and who inspire the topics we discuss. For Ep100, Sheri and Matt welcome Jessica, Kim, Suzy, Karen, Nickie, Barbara, Haley and Suzanne from our Echoes of Recovery program. This expert panel discusses why a support network is crucial to the successful recovery of the loved ones of alcoholics. These eight guests are veteran members of Echoes, and they are an inspiration to Sheri and Matt to keep going and keep being vulnerable. We are not alone. We share a story, and a mission of healing. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

No alcohol, nor any other drugs, were involved in the making of this episode. This is about a relationship relapse back into the pit of hell. It is said that when we see devastation, we can’t unsee it. Once we’ve experienced hopeless despair, we leave breadcrumbs on the shortcut that leads back to painful desperation. For Sheri and Matt, July 14, 2021 was the most crushing day of their marriage. Alcoholism is brutal and insidious, and the destruction continues long after the drinking ends. For Sheri and Matt, the good days far outnumber the bad. But the wounds are easy to reopen, and recovery, even relationship recovery, is a bastion of relapse. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss another way to breakdown alcoholism into two components. Alcohol creates arrogant, rude, unsatisfied drinkers who create arguments and chaos. At the same time, stress makes alcohol necessary, and pushes the consumption to escalate. The couple discusses how the interaction between stress and alcohol played out in their relationship, and how the desire for relaxation would often slingshot into something much worse. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Warning: Ep97 includes discussions about suicide and domestic violence. Sarah was born last of six siblings in a house dominated by alcoholism and other mental illness. When her brothers and sister grew up and moved out, she was left to navigate the storm by herself. She’s always been close with her siblings – the way people are sometimes bonded together by trauma. But now, as Sarah tries to survive and give grace in her own alcoholic marriage, her siblings don’t understand why she doesn’t apply the lessons of their past to her present. As Sarah explains, that’s exactly what she’s trying to do. Her’s is a story of pain, misunderstanding, love and fading hope. It’s the story of an unspeakable choice no one should ever have to make. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Sobriety has brought improvement to the lives of Sheri and Matt and their family, but it has created a whole new set of problems, too. Matt is now reliable, predictable, and even safe and approachable. But he is not any fun. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss Matt’s ridiculous work hours he uses, in part, to fill the void left behind by alcohol, and the impact it is having on their family. Can you hear Harry Chapin warming up? Matt’s kids can, and he is determined to reverse the overworked trend. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

There are a variety of reasons an alcoholic blames his drinking on his spouse. Matt should know. He consistently blamed his alcoholism on Sheri for all the different reasons. And now, he is here to say that the reasons are all bullshit. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the causes of this most potent form of gaslighting, and why it is so dangerous and utterly ridiculous. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the changes in mood and family involvement for Matt in sobriety compared to active alcoholism. Increased input and participation of an alcoholic in sobriety is a lot for the family to absorb. Unwanted advice, a compulsive need to share, and lots of opinions have made Matt a challenge to handle for the exact opposite of the reason he was a handful as a drinker. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

When Matt was actively drinking, Sheri had to deal with three unappealing characteristics of her alcoholic husband when on vacations or celebrating holidays: his moods were unpredictable, he was needy, and the alcohol accentuated his insecurities. There was nothing festive, and very little that was enjoyable, about vacationing with an alcoholic. Now, in significant sobriety, life continues for Sheri, while Matt is curious why she isn’t more enthusiastic about the improvement. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss one of the most significant disconnects between the ex-drinker and the loved one in an alcoholic relationship in recovery. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Nickie knew she and Josh had relationship problems. When he first declared himself an alcoholic, she couldn’t believe it. She didn’t want to even think about a drinking problem until they had their marriage on good terms (little did she know at the time that the alcohol was the cause of the relationship troubles). Josh’s friends told him he was fine, his coworkers kept inviting him to drink, and everything he knew about being a man told him alcohol after a hard day of work was an adult’s prerogative. But when the depths of the issue were revealed on a holiday eve, it changed Nickie and Josh’s lives forever. Now 18 months into recovery and discovery, we are grateful to have both Nickie and Josh here to tell, and laugh, about it. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Rebuilding trust in an alcoholic relationship requires sobriety, and it requires time. There are no shortcuts, but there are things we can do to create a safe environment in which trust has a fighting chance to flourish. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the things that held Matt back from creating a safe environment in his active alcoholism and his early sobriety, and why things are different now. The importance of this safe environment extends far beyond romantic relationships. The couple discusses the impact the change is having on their children as well. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Abby Medcalf to the podcast. Abby is an author, a podcast host, a speaker, a psychologist, a recovery survivor, and has over 30 years of experience working with relationships and people in recovery. She tells Sheri and Matt why couples who think they have a communication problem almost always have a competition problem, and she explains why the person in the relationship in the most pain has to change first and give 100%. Abby’s enthusiasm and vibrant story-telling matches her experience and intelligence to make this a master-class level episode. To learn more about Abby, or to check out her amazing resources, go to her website. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

All the loved ones of alcoholics want is peace, stability and predictability. How do you think that meshes with the wildly swinging pendulum of euphoria and misery that we call active alcoholism? And when the loved ones express the need for peace, the alcoholics get their feelings hurt. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the link between predictability in sobriety, and rebuilding trust in a marriage. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Do you ever look at your spouse and wonder what they are thinking or how their drinking spiraled the way it did? Have you ever wanted to tell your story, but the shame and shyness prevents you from finding the words? If so, then this episode might be for you. Toby (husband of Jane from Ep54) explains his innocent yet insidious decline into the grasp of alcoholism. He also shares what he is learning about himself and his marriage on the way back out. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

People almost universally believe what they are going through is unique when they are deep in the trauma and stress of an alcoholic marriage. Sadly, being deep in it is tragically common. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the signs they see, over and over again, that indicate a person is deep in it even when the sufferer is unsure of their predicament. They also discuss the best tools to get unstuck. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Sheri took Mother’s Day off from recording this episode, so Matt spends a lot of time talking about her…in endearing terms. Our listeners will surely miss Sheri’s laugh, and miss resonating with her tears, but Matt tries to make up for that by explaining the love the couple has found in the subtlety of sobriety – a love that was unavailable when alcohol was impacting the relationship. We hope you’ll listen all the way through, because the juicy part, and the lesson they learned, is at the end of this one. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Most people are aware of the violent swings in the emotional and behavioral highs and lows of active alcoholism. What surprises many is the self-medication that the loved ones of alcoholics engage in to manage their own emotional highs and low. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the equally serious, although less obvious, pain and damage suffered by the loved ones of alcoholics, Sheri makes up her own word (that we later realize is a real word), and Matt compares himself to arguably the world’s best golfer (and Matt doesn’t play golf). They also dispute the assertion that the connection is the opposite of addiction. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

When Matt was in top form as an alcoholic drinker, he was also extremely proficient as a lier and gaslighter. And yet, with piles of evidence to the contrary staring him in the face, he was adamant about how thoroughly honest he was. How can that be? Sheri, on the other hand, knew the real truth about the denials and excuses. She fluctuated between anger and disgust as she watched Matt spiral deeper into addiction to alcohol. Were the lies evil? Where they innocent? Can Matt and Sheri both find compassion and empathy for the lies of the alcoholic? We hope you listen and see how their answers compare to your truth. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Beating ourselves up when feeling less than worthy is a common part of the human experience. Once culture and society warp our childhood innocence, our self-worth deteriorates. As an alcoholic, Matt drank to make the low self-confidence go away. As the loved one of an alcoholic, Sheri threw herself into projects and cleaning to mask her pain from unrealized expectations. They both had unhealthy patterns of self-criticism, and they both dealt with them in unhealthy ways. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss some of the most common triggers of self-loathing, and what they are trying to do to move into healthy patterns. This is the kind of stuff they can tackle in long-term sobriety. It is amazing the things we can discover once alcohol is out of the way! If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

From taking the family to see ice skating princesses, to venturing into the wooded mountains to cut down a Christmas Tree, Matt was all about spending time with his family. They were his first priority, after all. At least that’s how it looked to anyone outside his immediate household. But Sheri knew the truth: that alcohol was always his first priority, until sobriety replaced it atop the priority list. In both cases, Sheri and the family remained second to the consumption and aftermath of alcohol. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how the truth felt to both of them, and how long a slog it is to get Sheri where she belongs as the most important person in Matt’s life. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Universalisms: Things we believe to be virtually universal as we grow in our understanding of how alcohol impacts brains and relationships. Here are five really important ones. Do these apply to you or your alcoholic loved one? On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about childhood trauma (even in idyllic childhoods), work success justification, alcohol as a coping tool, elusiveness of purpose, and the value of therapy. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

As the daughter of an alcoholic, Jessica had plenty of experience with codependence. When her husband’s drinking was spiralling out of control, she had to make unimaginably difficult decisions with her family’s survival hanging in the balance. Alcohol abuse and a compulsive need to control are such a common story, but one we don’t talk enough about. Jessica joins Sheri and Matt to talk about the trauma her family suffered, and the progress they are all making in recovery. And now Jessica is using her experiences and her passion to save lives. Here is a link to information about the safe gun storage Jessica emphasizes. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line for free from anywhere in the U.S.