Untoxicated Podcast

We simply cannot live without trust. Trust is foundational to human existence, and Sheri and Matt talk about how naive alcoholics are who expect trust to return with short-term sobriety. They also discuss a real-life example of using detachment to navigate the untrustworthy. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

If you have experienced religious trauma, work stress, marriage distress, alcohol use disorder or the problematic drinking of a family member, this conversation has something for you. Alan Thompson has experienced addiction in a painfully wide variety of ways, and he is bold and brave to talk about it with vulnerability and authenticity. If you are ready so start healing from your own drinking, please consider joining us in our SHOUT Sobriety program.

We are all familiar with the addictions that are associated with moral failings and a lack of willpower – stigmatized addictions to alcohol and other drugs, for example. But there are also addictions that are glorified in our society. Sheri and Matt discuss addiction to power control, and how there is a better path than trying to control something as uncontrollable as addiction. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Sheri and Matt have talked a lot about the impact of Matt’s drinking on their kids. On this episode, the couple talks about the impact of recovery on how they parent. With emotional safety as the guiding principle, it is interesting how much they have both changed when interacting with their kids. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

You have probably heard Sheri and Matt talk about the importance of resentment processing. Now, on this episode, listen to the couple work through real resentments. They discuss both old resentments from Matt’s drinking days, and also new resentments that occur in long-term sobriety. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

We talk a lot about a lack of emotional safety in committed partnerships. But how do we get there? What societal, generational and toxic factors dissolve the emotional safety between people who love each other? If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

AnnMarie’s divorce was final one year ago, and her physical, mental and emotional transition that has taken place over the past 12 months is remarkable. She is amazed at how she feels now, and she blesses us with a vivid description of what she encountered as she removed herself from her alcoholic marriage. Check out the all new Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Intimacy repair work starts with building emotional intimacy. Even when we crave the connection of physical contact, if the emotional foundation has not been established and nurtured, then sex will feel unfulfilling, and even destructive. Learn about the work of intimacy repair, and hear Matt accidentally stumble upon Sheri’s nickname from her high school job. Check out the all new Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.  

When we met Luke, he was ready to get serious about sobriety, and he was eager to recover his marriage. Now, months later, he is making serious progress in recovery, but Luke’s marriage has dissolved. Please listen to Luke share his raw and vulnerable story of triumph through heartbreak. Check out the all new Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you are ready to explore sobriety and recovery, please check out our SHOUT Sobriety program.

Cheap Trick had it half right. As Sheri and Matt break down, it is much healthier if, “I want you to want me,” than if, “I need you to need me.” Need versus want. Love versus like. Significant nuance as our society maneuvers through a monumental shift in cultural role changes that impact relationships in consequential ways. Sheri and Matt are about to launch the Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Some people count their sobriety days. For Sheri and Matt, sobriety is just a prerequisite. The really exciting day count comes as they cross over a full year without a relationship relapse. No yelling. No name calling. No vindictive blaming. No meltdowns all the way around the calendar. Is avoiding relationship relapse a strategy, or a result of other hard work? Listen to Sheri’s take on how they accomplished this major milestone. Sheri and Matt are about to launch the Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Trigger warning: domestic violence This is a unique and risky episode because Victoria is currently “in it.” This is not a story with an ending, it is trauma and chaos experienced in real time. Listen to Victoria explain her confusion and uncertainty as she lives through a, “textbook version of the Man vs. Alcohol tragedy.” Sheri and Matt are about to launch the Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

From kayak cross to gymnastics, where else would you turn for your Olympics recap than to Sheri and Matt. This episode has it all: compliments for Alcoholics Anonymous, celebration for partners who fill their own buckets, further emphasis on emotional safety, a tragic tale of misinterpreted detachment, and a little squabble about Shaquille O’Neal’s height. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The contrast between their few identifiable needs when they met their partners, and their clear needs after suffering through an alcoholic relationship, is striking. Please listen to Nickie, Eve, Melanie, Kristin, Nicole, Lauren, Ali and Julie live from the third annual Echoes of Recovery summer retreat in the Rocky Mountains. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Sheri and Matt talk a lot about processing resentments together, and how it helps repair their relationship. But what if your partner is not available, not willing or not capable of processing resentments with you? Sheri and Matt explore a solo process of digging deep into the “why,” analyzing the fear and finding empathy for the benefit of the person stuck holding onto resentments. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Thursday, August 1st at 6:30pm MDT. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to [email protected].

Melanie fell in love with her best friend – a nature-loving, long-haired bad boy with a good heart. They built a life together including marriage, kids, businesses and lots of pets. And now alcohol has stollen the love of her life and left Melanie a widow far too young. Please listen as she tells this tragic love story and explains how she is climbing back from guilt and grief. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Thursday, August 1st at 6:30pm MDT. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to [email protected].

Matt reveals to Sheri his theory that there is only one true emotion: fear. The couple discuss how fear drive’s Matt’s addictions, and how fearlessness is a big part of the peace and contentment Sheri enjoys. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Thursday, August 1st at 6:30pm MDT. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to [email protected].

Billy Wynne is the co-founder of Awake, Denver’s first sober bar, alcohol-free bottle shop and coffee house. Billy joins Sheri and Matt to discuss the explosion of alcohol-free beers, wines and spirits. They discuss what is driving the emerging trends, the demographics of the alcohol-free beverage industry and the importance of individual choice as the social culture shifts. Click here for the latest information on Billy’s book, The Empty Path, to be published in March of 2025. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Thursday, August 1st at 6:30pm MDT. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to [email protected].

To celebrate this milestone episode, Sheri and Matt go into more detail, and share preliminary research indications, about the importance of intimacy work for relationship recovery. If you are waiting for intimacy and trust to rebuild, without actively engaging in an intimacy practice, you are likely adding time to your suffering. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

What could be a higher priority than your own health, safety, growth, and discovery? And yet, people often say they are too busy to work on recovery from alcoholism – both former drinkers and loved ones alike. Sheri and Matt talk about why and how they prioritize their mental and emotional health, and why “busy” is an excuse and a defeatist mindset. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Lori Pannell is a leadership coach certified in Conversational Intelligence, and she is an Energy Leadership Index master practitioner. She is also a valued leader in our Echoes of Recovery program, and she joins Sheri and Matt to talk about how thoughts lead to feelings which drive our actions. Lori shares some really practical advice about managing feelings and emotions that is applicable to both alcoholics and loved ones working through recovery. For access to the Feelings Inventory, please click this link. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

If you are searching for hope and inspiration, please listen to the story of Kathy and Mike Mazzerina from the Defining You podcast and facebook page. By owning their story of addiction and redemption, Kathy and Mike are inspiring others to find recovery and growth. But they are doing something else, too. Through their vulnerability, and encouraging each other to keep showing up, they are rebuilding trust in their relationship at a dramatically accelerated pace. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Detachment is not necessarily something you do, as people often assume. Detachment is a natural result of living in hyper-vigilance, in nervous system activation for long periods of time. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about fight, flight, freeze and fawn, and how being constantly activated leads to nervous system overwhelm. That’s where detachment lives. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Wednesday, June 5th at 10:30am MDT. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to [email protected].

Everyone knows what physical abuse is, and it is clearly not acceptable in modern relationships. What makes emotional abuse so sinister is that it is often justified by perpetrators in disbelief and hard to identify by conditioned victims. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Paul Colaianni – behavior and relationship coach, and host of The Love and Abuse Podcast. Paul shares the issues that often lead to emotional abuse, ways to understand if you are a victim or abuser, and actions you can take to change patterns and behaviors. Plus, Paul has a really cool radio voice that makes his message soothing to the ears. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Wednesday, June 5th at 10:30am MDT. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to [email protected].

Vulnerability and authenticity are hard when you have experienced alcoholism first or second hand, but they are also essential to recovery and discovery. Maybe you have done a lot of listening and reading, but have protected your secret. Maybe you think joining our SHOUT Sobriety or Echoes of Recovery groups are your only next step, and you are trying to build up the courage. There is something else you can do – a way to tiptoe into the vulnerability waters. Curious? Please listen. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Listen to Teaubrian, Rich and Ben discuss their evolution of thinking and experiences in both personal and relationship recovery after beating alcoholism. This conversation is all about authenticity and awareness of themselves and the people around them. It’s also about building something new. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you are a high-functioning alcoholic seeking sobriety, awareness and authenticity, we invite you to check out our SHOUT Sobriety program.

Listen to Jane, Karen, Nickie, Lori and Nicole describe their decision making and experiences staying in their marriages as they recover from the alcoholism of their partners. This episode is about individual growth and discovery just as much as it is about the changes in their relationships. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

After the chaos and trauma of active alcoholism, loved ones naturally lose respect for their drinkers. Advice from the recovering alcoholic is often not welcome, and can do serious damage to the relationship. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relate their personal experience with both unwanted advice, and regained respect. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

During Matt’s active addiction, Sheri and Matt had to try to run communication through a variety of contrived filters in order to be nice to each other. On this episode, the couple talks about the process they went through to get from artificial and occasional bouts of niceness to a genuine and consistent pattern of being nice. As is so often the case, sobriety is just the prerequisite. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

There are two things that can happen to sex and intimacy in a relationships suffering through alcoholism. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Nikki, Rene and Nicole who share their experiences with both traumatizing outcomes. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The chaos and trauma of active addiction is obvious. But what about before we acknowledge alcoholism? What about before we cross that invisible line? The efforts we make to manipulate our partners seem simple, even helpful, on the surface. But the partners of alcoholics often suffer from anxiety caused by not feeling worthy. When partners eventually lose respect for their alcoholic, they often find respect for themselves. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Original co-host of the podcast, Jason Polk is a relationship therapist with a sub-specialization in addiction counseling. On this episode, Sheri and Matt ask Jason about the dangers of substituting weed for alcohol, and how porn impacts relationships. To hear more from Jason, check out his podcast: Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The lying is worse than the drinking. Sheri and Matt have heard this sentiment expressed countless times by partners who are suffering from the trauma of betrayal. Honesty is so important even when honesty is impossibly hard. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

After five years of sobriety, Mitchell relapsed. After five years in recovery from codependency, Anna’s boundaries were tested. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome the creators of We Are Recovery to talk about what led up to the relapse, and how they are bouncing back in the authentic, raw and vulnerable way that is the reason Anna and Mitchell are so beloved in the recovery community. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Do you think your industry or environment has a heavy drinking culture? You are probably right, but you are not unique. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk (from their civilian perspective) about the things that set military families apart. “Thank you for your service,” is not enough. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Heidi Rain is a relationship expert focused on the link between codependency and addiction. She helps people break free from toxic relationship patters. Sheri and Matt are thrilled to have her join them on the podcast, and you can learn more about her and her important work at HeidiRain.com. If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

During Matt’s active addiction, Sheri had to pick and choose the times she discussed big parenting decisions with him, and there was plenty of stress and anxiety around raising the kids, but she never cut Matt off and made parenting decisions unilaterally. What has to happen to make the partner of the drinker cut the drinker off from parental decisions? And what has to happen to re-engage in recovery? We really want to know. Please post your answers in the comment on our Untoxicated Podcast website, or send your response to [email protected]. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Five couples retreat under a foot of fresh powder to the Rockie Mountains to bask in the glow of the fireplace and revive sore hiking (and shovelling) muscles in the bubbles of the hot tub with not a drop of alcohol among them…and have a fun, bonding, restorative time. A few years ago, Sheri and Matt would not have thought this possible. Do you have doubts? Give the culminating conversation a listen. If you and your partner are working on your relationship in recovery from alcoholism, please consider joining us in the Marriagevolution.

What are your expectations for recovery, for you or the people around you? Some expectations are absolute necessities. Others are unachievable, and even harmful. Sheri and Matt talk through a bunch of scenarios and explain how their expectations have changed over time. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

***Trigger Warning: Death from alcohol abuse is discussed. Julie, Rachel, Becky and Melanie join the conversation and help Sheri and Matt break down the issues surrounding custody agreements and co-parenting arrangements. From the impact these decisions have on the, “should I stay or should I go,” decision, to communicating with the kids, this roundtable episode covers a lot of ground with some very insightful perspectives. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

We would never blame one person’s alcoholism on the attitude or actions of their partner. But it is also naive to ignore that loneliness in a relationship is an underlying issue that leads to self-medication. And that self-medication creates more distance. Guess what that distance leads to? (If you guessed, “more drinking,” you are picking up what we are laying down on this nuanced and complex episode.) Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

In this corner, making her third appearance on the Untoxicated Podcast, is Master Addiction Counselor, star and host of the Put the Shovel Down YouTube channel, the one, the only, the fabulous Amber Hollingsworth. And in this corner, is an old drunk who seems to now be addicted to asking questions and forming opinion about addiction, Sheri’s husband Matt. Sheri referees as these two go toe to toe about the role of the family in the recovery of someone suffering from addiction. It is a seven-round battle about support and detachment. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The more Sheri and Matt learn, the more undeniable the connection is between emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, sexual satisfaction and trust. Understanding the connection requires understanding the ways in which alcoholism does damage to intimacy in romantic partnerships. Sheri laughs and cries hard in this emotional episode. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Early sobriety from high-functioning alcoholism is plagued with dopamine depletion and identity crisis resulting in mood swings, tension, sadness, thin skin and meanness. As a three-time gold medalist in the 2017 D!@k Olympics, Matt leads a roundtable discussion about what is takes to qualify for, and succeed in, this gruelling competition. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

There is conflict inherent in alcoholic relationships. And conflict brings guilt. Regardless of the outcome of the relationship, the conflict and guilt deserves relief. Sheri and Matt talk about the benefits of taking the time to remember why we fell in love. Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Merry Christmas! During the holiday season, strained family relations manifest in challenging ways. There is perhaps no better time for Sheri and Matt to talk about the role of family in support of recovery – for the alcoholic or the loved one. Are we expecting too much? Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. At least that’s how it is hyped. If you are living through the holiday season with active alcoholism or early sobriety, the trauma and nervous system dysregulation can make this time of the year terrifying. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive some relatable memories, give you a completely unnecessary education about the whole grain bakery business, and share some hope for your not-to-distant future. Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Traci is back on the podcast! And this time, she brought her husband, Andy, along for the conversation. It has been over three years since Traci laid some wisdom on us in Ep61 when she lamented that when Andy got sober, it turned out that he had opinions. Five years into Andy’s sobriety, they both continue to grow and recover, and Traci is here to tell us all to be careful what we wish for. This is a powerful story of the self-discovery that often hides behind relationship recovery. And to clarify the confusion surrounding Sheri’s and Matt’s spontaneous duet, it was Neil singing with Barbara, and Sheri was right as usual: it is bring, not buy.

There are a lot of universalisms in alcoholism and recovery, for the drinkers and the loved ones. One thing that sets each of us apart is the pain concoction that leads to sobriety and recovery. The pain concoction is the opposite of the reason for Sheri’s new-found love of Dr. Pepper. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to [email protected]. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

*** Warning: suicide and death are discussed Barbara first appeared on the podcast almost three years ago on Ep70 when she shared the story of her husband’s alcoholism that led to her becoming a living organ donor before their eventual divorce. Barbara’s story has progressed significantly, and so has her understanding of the impact of alcohol on her and the man she loved. The emotional twists and turns, drenched in guilt and grief, might surprise you. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.