Untoxicated Podcast

Even when done with loving intent, restriction and control does not lead to the desired results of obedience and conformity: restriction leads to rebellion. Just ask anyone ever who has tried to control someone else’s drinking. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Good Morning, Gorgeous” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Good Morning, Gorgeous” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Sheri answers listener questions about everything from her rock-bottom moments that resulted from Matt’s alcoholism, to what she would do differently if she had the chance to do it all over again. Many answers are emotional because learning and surviving are both painful. Matt lightens things up by starting the episode with a riddle, and an analysis of why people feel unconditional love for their pets. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Dudes on the Struggle Bus” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Dudes on the Struggle Bus” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Evolutionary Psychologist Dr. Menelaos Apostolou does research around this unfortunate historical fact: Until sometime in the past 100 years, men had all the sexual power in most cultures around the world. The traditional power dynamic will come as no surprise to our listeners. However, on this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss some disturbing theoretical evolutionary impacts of that inequity that will plague us humans well into the future. We bet you’ve never considered this stuff, stuff exacerbated by alcoholism. And after listening, you won’t be able to ignore it. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Courtesy Flush” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Courtesy Flush” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

We’re not rooting for divorce, we are rooting for people to be treated with respect. And in the absence of respect, we are rooting for people to extract themselves from a toxic situation. After they talk through all the relationship problems in recovery, Matt the Gnat makes plans to haul around Sheri’s Cat Cuddle Bus. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from the Underlying Issues Series on Sober and Unashamed: “(Un)Lone Bone” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “(Un)Lone Bone” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Maybe people don’t need more instruction about how to do resentment processing. What people need is an acknowledgement of their fear of resentment processing. The fear is quite real, and Sheri and Matt talk all about it. If you would like to vote on the name for Sheri’s cat truck business, please email [email protected] and choose between the finalists: Cat Cuddle Bus and Tiny Tiger Rolling Litter Labyrinth. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from the Underlying Issues Series on Sober and Unashamed: “Bitch” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Bitch” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Amber Hollingsworth makes her fourth appearance on the podcast to talk about how she developed her innovative approach to addiction recovery that involves both the substance user and the family members. As a licensed addiction counselor with over two decades of experience, if you like what Amber has to say, please check out her Put the Shovel Down YouTube channel. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Amber Hollingsworth is a licensed addiction counselor who has been working with individuals and families struggling with addiction since 2004. She hosts and produces one of the most valuable resources in the recovery community, the Put the Shovel Down YouTube channel. About Soberlink, Amber says, “It is the most effective tool out there for getting someone sober and keeping them sober. More effective than going to meetings.” Please listen to Amber’s full unsolicited endorsement.

New from the Underlying Issues Series on Sober and Unashamed: “Marriage Rash” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Marriage Rash” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

“There’s always a but when you’re dealing with an ass.” Sheri explains Matt’s reluctance to seek sobriety support for his active alcoholism. If you hesitate to ask for help, if your partner refuses to engage with a program, or if Sheri’s instant-classic quote resonates for you, please give this episode a listen. Here are the two links promised for the show notes: Matt’s vulnerability rewarded in initial conversations about his alcoholism, and Ep245 – Emotional Abuse with Paul Colaianni. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from the Underlying Issues Series on Sober and Unashamed: “Keep My Food Out of Your Mouth” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Keep My Food Out of Your Mouth” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Live from the 2025 Echoes of Recovery retreat along Bear Creek in the Rocky Mountains our roundtable discusses the challenges of putting their confidence that their partners’ drinking is problematic into the right action steps. It is difficult. It is a process. Please listen if you could use some tips on putting knowing into action. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Do You See What I See?” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Do You See What I See?” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Unfiltered and unprepped, Sheri answers a wide range of emotional and tactical questions about how she navigated Matt’s alcoholism and sobriety, and what she might have done if faced with different circumstances. Sheri earns here elite preferred status on this episode. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Insignificance” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Insignificance” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

We talked about the decision to stay or to go on Ep69. Ep214 and 217 were both roundtable episodes with people who had separated and divorced. On the flip side, Ep242 and 243 were roundtables featuring people who had decided to stay in their relationships. This episode is a twist on all of those discussions. The Ep302 roundtable tackles the topic of therapeutic temporary separation with the intent of getting back together. In some cases, the time apart helped the relationship, and in other cases, it helped clarify the need to make the separation permanent. For all four of our panelists, the separation helped them make incredible individual progress toward healing. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Foreplay is often thought of as erotic touch intended for sexual stimulation. Sheri and Matt have conducted research with thirteen couples recovering their partnerships from alcoholism. The research indicates that establishing emotional intimacy in a relationship might be a much more effective form of foreplay with the potential to improve sexual satisfaction by 40%. That’s a big number. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you are ready to leave alcohol behind and explore growth and recovery with a modern approach to sobriety, please check out our SHOUT Sobriety program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “An Open Letter to My Children” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “An Open Letter to My Children” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

The Hummingbird Ninjas are the OGs of the Echoes of Recovery program – our support group for the loved ones of alcoholics. This reunion roundtable episode is an update on their progress in growth and discovery since their attendance at the first ever Echoes of Recovery live retreat in the summer of 2022 where they recorded Ep150. The changes are amazing. These women are thriving – some in relationships in recovery, and some leading their best lives post-marriage. Listen to their answers when asked at the end of the episode if they would come back together for a week in the mountains. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Dance Like Everybody’s Watching” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Dance Like Everybody’s Watching” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Doing the hard work of recovery, for the former drinker and the partner, is how we reduce anxiety, regulate our nervous systems, start to rebuild trust, and grow to our potential. There is no bigger gift to our families than to prioritize our recoveries. Sheri and Matt discuss things that do not prioritize recovery work, and are, therefore, total crap. They also talk about ear hair and porn and Sheri’s cat’s popularity on YouTube, so hang on for twists and turns. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Cabbage Overdose” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Cabbage Overdose” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Kathy and Nikki have lived through the trauma and chaos of alcoholism. With both of their husbands now years into sobriety, Kathy and Nikki are evolving their recovery work into continued growth and self care with the Defining You podcast and facebook page. Are you curious about what’s next beyond recovery? Kathy and Nikki explore challenges and interests that might challenge and interest you, too. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “An Evolving Tradition” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “An Evolving Tradition” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

For a long time – through early sobriety and years into growth and recovery – Matt shared the blame for his addiction with his father, with Big Beverage, with AA, and with other societal influences. He shared the blame because he couldn’t carry the stigma and burden himself. Only through the powerful recovery dimension of time can Matt own the blame for his addiction and peacefully release the people and institutions who served a vital role in helping him get over the guilt and shame. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Who the f&@% is this guy?” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Who the f&@% is this guy?” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Sheri and Matt share findings about sexual desire discrepancy in relationships impacted by alcoholism from a year-long study of 13 couples now in recovery. Matt shares an unnecessarily large amount of data which Sheri tempers with eye rolls you can actually hear through your speakers. The bottom line: Alcoholism both exacerbates and results from sexual desire discrepancy, and the solutions are empathy, understanding, communication, and emotional safety. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Accumulation” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Accumulation” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Billy Wynne has been a student of Buddhism and mindfulness for 30 years, and he teaches and is on the board at the Zen Center of Denver. Billy joins Sheri and Matt to talk about the philosophies and lived experiences featured in his new book, The Empty Path: Finding Fulfillment through the Radical Art of Lessening. Billy’s pursuit of material success conflicted with his Buddhist practices, and led him to medicate his stress and lack of fulfillment with alcohol. Now alcohol-free, he is the perfect ambassador of this relatable and compassionate message about gaining so much by letting go. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Momentum” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Momentum” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Lasting sobriety and recovery from alcoholism requires both commitment and a plan, and the role of the partner in the recovery of the drinker is quite limited. On this episode, Sheri and Matt go into detail, and share lots of options, for what will, and will not, meet these two requirements leading to successful recovery. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from the “Underlying Issues” series on Sober and Unashamed: “Numbers” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don’t seem to find the time. We hope you’ll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Numbers” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Lori is a five-time guest on the podcast for very good reason – she brings a fresh an intelligent perspective to every conversation. On this episode, Lori explains the emotional safety she is experiencing in her marriage, and how replacing bad memories with good combines with her faith, and her own person trauma and resentment processing work, to bring her joy and peacefulness. She does the work, and she lets time in sobriety work on her marriage. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Acute addiction gets all the headlines – when the drinker drinks too much and creates chaos and trauma. But the fog chronic alcoholism rolls into the spaces between drinks – when the alcoholic is temporarily sober but operating with a warped mind. The fog of chronic alcoholism impacts the loved ones and the drinker in different ways. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Rose stayed in her alcoholic marriage until she could stay no longer. The impact on her nervous system made her methodical and planned decision to separate her only choice. Listen to Rose reflect on the turning points she experienced as she felt her nervous system heal. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Sheri and Matt run through the top ten things alcoholics say to their partners. Do you recognize your relationship in their conversation? If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Trigger warning: Domestic violence is discussed John Olander has a network of relationships all over Denver, and he is as tenacious as he is inspiring. But John experienced 20 dark years, crossing over the line from high-functioning alcoholism into self-inflicted, alcohol-fueled legal issues which led to homelessness and isolation. But he bounced back, and his is a true success story of letting go and leaning into community. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you are open to the possibilities of what sobriety can offer, without being tied to any particular outcome, please check out our SHOUT Sobriety program.

Blame serves a purpose when trying to heal from alcoholism as the drinker or the partner. But there are areas where blame does not belong. In this episode, Sheri and Matt break down the impact of blame, and discuss the foundational elements of recovering from the blame of addiction. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ayla Fleming is a licensed clinical social worker and telehealth therapist practicing in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and New York. Since specializing in helping individuals, couples, and families recovering from codependency related to addiction, her personal well-being, and that of her clients, is surging. To contact Ayla, please check out her website. And for more on Bowen Family Systems Theory, please click here. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Drinkers often becomes aware of the loss of identity associated with sobriety, but on this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the role of varying categories of identity as a cause of addiction. Sheri reveals her love of smiting people, and Matt explains his eagerness to meet in Topeka at 8am Monday morning. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The recovery community is full of resources about sex after alcohol for singles, but sober sex in relationships is a topic that has been ignored…until now. Nicole, Tess, and Alan are featured on this episode with input from eight people in recovery who have faced a variety of challenges with sex in sobriety. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Trigger warning: sexual assault and violence Unconsented sex occurs in relationships impacted by problematic alcohol consumption at a rate 18 times more frequently than in general population relationships. Sheri and Matt discuss this and other tragic statistics, and the implications for partnerships in recovery, as well as for our broader alcohol culture. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

It was not her choice. Kelly shared with her husband what she needed from the marriage, and he asked for a divorce. Sometimes boundaries and detachment are not enough for the drinker to seek recovery. But Kelly is working hard on her growth and recovery plan, and she is finding relief and peacefulness in a house free from the pain of addiction. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Attachment and connection are not the same thing. Detachment in a healthy relationship in recovery from alcoholism is a permanent state. If done with respect, consistency, and emotional safety, choosing times and topics for connection can help a partnership thrive. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. And if you live in the Boston area, please join Sheri and Matt for a slice of pizza on Friday, February 21st at 6pm EST at Papa Ginos at 74 Main Street in Medway, MA 02053.

You can almost hear the turquoise Caribbean waves lapping in the background of this conversation recorded live from the annual Marriagevolution retreat, this year in the Bahamas. Hear how things change over time, both in relationships and in families, as individual recovery progresses for former drinkers and their partners. Listen to Jenn talk about no longer feeling compelled to, “move around the words,” of her husband as he talks to their children. As a bonus, see if you can answer the Bahamian food and culture trivia, and learn a little Bahamian slang. To join the conversation and be a part of the Marriagevolution for couples in relationship recovery from alcoholism, please click this link.

Marjorie is certified in trauma and addiction support, and she is a leader in our Echoes of Recovery program. On this episode, she helps Sheri and Matt understand that, “You can’t think your way out of emotions.” She also shares her sacred boundary that, “Kindness is something that I won’t negotiate.” Listen for these and other profound signs of growth, and learn the two meanings of the eggshells referenced in the episode title. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session this Thursday, January 30th at 6pm MST. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to [email protected]. And if you live in the Boston area, please join Sheri and Matt for a slice of pizza on Friday, February 21st at 6pm EST at Papa Ginos at 74 Main Street in Medway, MA 02053.