The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

You know those couples where the woman handles almost everything and the man, well ... kind of kicks back and acts like a teenager? That's the mother-son dynamic and in this episode, you'll learn how to escape that relationship trap and figure out why it happens in the first place. The Mom-Son Dynamic From A Woman’s Perspective [3:00] The Mom-Son Dynamic From A Guy’s Perspective [5:00] How to Help A Couple Living In A Parent-Child Relationship [9:00] How The Male Ego Comes Into Play [16:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellen Boeder visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast206

As grand prize winners of a recent Smart Couple podcast contest, Heather and Thomas got to sit down for a free session with Jayson. In this emotional and inspiring interview, Jayson helps Heather and Thomas dig into their past to find answers they've been seeking for years. Heather Lays Out Her Side Of The Story [8:00] Thomas Connects With Heather’s Past [20:00] Find Out WHY Your Partner Reacts That Way [28:00] Where Does The Smack You Talk To Yourself Come From? [38:00] Ways To Shake Things Up If You Spend Too Much Time Together [42:00] Jayson Explains The Contest [47:00]   COUPLES CONTEST DETAILS:  You must complete all three steps to qualify. No exceptions.    1. Apply separately by clicking HERE   2. Pay $25 total together (per couple, not per person) by clicking HERE   3. Record a selfie video together as to why you want to do this. 1-3 minutes long. Send to [email protected], with "SC 205 Contest" in the subject line, and if you feel inspired post it in the Smart Couple FB group too.   Grand Prize: One FREE spot for the DPIR 9-month training, which includes two live workshops in Boulder, CO! One person pays in full, and the partner is free. So basically it's two for the price of one! (Value is $6,000) If selected you must be willing to have us document your journey, no matter what happens to you as a couple. We want to show people what's possible if you invest in your relationship like this!    All Participants Win: One FREE [couples] coaching session with one of our Level 2 Relationship Coaches. (Value is $100)   So you can’t lose!    Deadline to enter: Sunday, June 29th by Midnight MT      Winners will be announced August 3rd.       For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Heather and Thomas visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast205

 A lot of things you take personally in relationship have very little to do with your partner. Those issues are really the result of YOUR past, YOUR triggers and YOUR perspective...So says long-time Boulder, Colorado therapist & expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, Dr. Diane Poole Heller.  How The Therapy Field Chose Diane [7:00] Why The Attachment Model Is So Central To Diane’s Work [12:00] The Kind Eyes Exercise [19:00] The Three Attachment Styles [21:00] Why Are You Complaining About Your Great Partnership? [32:00] Starting A Relationship Revolution With Secure Attachment [41:00] The Effects of A Disorganized Relationship Environment [46:00] Diane’s Method For Repairing From A Damaging Relationship [52:00] Don’t Sabotage Your Healthy Relationship Because Of Your Attachment Issues [1:01:00] Why You Shouldn’t Try To Heal Trauma Alone [1:03:00] Using Mental Time Travel (Autonoesis) For Healing [1:08:00] Diane’s Take On Why People Experience Repeated Trauma [1:11:00] Diane’s Jem Of Advice For Young Adults & Not Taking Things Personally [1:17:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Diane Poole Heller visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast204

We all want a little reassurance. And that's okay! But as Jayson's wife Ellen Boeder points out, if you're needing reassurance because you feel jealous, the issue you should address is the insecurity in your relationship. Is Monogamy The Problem Or Insecure Attachment? [1:00] The Power Of Reassurance [5:00] Two Impediments To Reassurance [10:00] Navigating A Jealous Partnership [13:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellen Boeder visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast203

What does it take to build a strong team-style partnership? Why do so many entrepreneurial types rely on teamwork in their careers, but struggle to be a team player at home? Renowned therapist and co-founder of The Couples Institue, Pete Pearson, leads Jayson through a body-mind exercise that demonstrates ways to control reaction to stress in conflict and improve teamwork.  What Catapulted Pete Pearson Into The Psychology World? [5:00] Why Entrepreneurial & Military Types Struggle With Teamwork At Home [8:00] How To Negotiate With Your Partner Well [14:00] Pete Walks Jayson Through A Calming Exercise [21:00] How Entrepreneurs Respond To Pete’s Self-Strengthening Technique [38:00] Advice For People In Love With An Entrepreneur [44:00] Pete’s Feedback For The Therapeutic Community [47:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Pete Pearson visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast202

Are you just defaulting to monogamy? Ever GENUINELY asked yourself, "Would a different sexual model work better for me?" Author, sex-advice columnist, podcaster and public speaker, Dan Savage, says we should all ask ourselves these questions regularly. Dan and his husband have chosen what they call a "monogamish" relationship. They've accepted that it's impossible to fulfill all your partner's needs and that's a message we can all learn from. We usually focus on monogamous long-term relationships, but in this episode, we'll learn about how all types of relationships can be successful. Listen in and get ready for some introspection into your own sexual expression. SHOWNOTES: What It Means To Be "Monogamish" [2:00] Culture’s Lies About Love & Why You’ll Never Be Enough [9:00] Advice For Bringing A Third Person Into Your Relationship [13:00] Why Non-Monogamy In A Gay Partnership Can Be Easier Straight Relationships [21:00] Thoughts On Transforming The Broken Monogamy Model [28:00] Dan Savage’s Journey To Becoming Monogamish [30:00] How Dan And His Husband Work Out Their Differences [34:00] Is Infidelity Really The Ultimate Betrayal? [41:00] The Consequences Of Denying Your Sexual Needs [46:00] Closing Thoughts [51:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Dan Savage visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast201

It's fair to say that relationship is a journey to discover and learn the answers to one love-related question after another. So, what better way to celebrate this in our 200th EPISODE than to answer as many of your love related questions as we can! SHOWNOTES:  200th Episode Contest Details! [2:00] Doing Partnership With Emotionally Unavailable People [11:00]  How To Hold Your Partner's Feet To The Fire - With Compassion [20:00] Working Through Past Pain For A Better Relationship [24:00]  How to Prioritize Your Partner When Kids Join The Mix [27:00]  Getting Involved In Your Partner's Health Issues [34:00]   ‘Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson'   To celebrate our 200th Smart Couple episode, we're giving away some big prizes:   Grand Prize - A 45-minute coaching session for you (or you and your partner) with Jayson 2nd Prize - $500 off your DPIR course 3rd Prize - $200 credit for any Relationship School  course 4th Prize - $30 to be used in the Relationship School  store 5th Prize - Smart Couple Quote Book signed by Jayson   Boom! Who’s in?   To enter and win you must: 1. Be or become a member of the Smart Couple Facebook group. 2. Follow Jayson on Instagram and tag 3 friends under his most recent selfie (looks like the one above). 3. Record a selfie video (2 minutes or less) teaching us about one thing you learned from the podcast so far and why it's impacted you so much. And post it in the Smart Couple Facebook group. The contest is open to anyone in the world until Sunday, June 17th at midnight MT. Winners will be announced on the Smart Couple Podcast's 201st episode and on Facebook Wednesday, June 20th.   Will you play? Enter today!   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for our 200th episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast200

Couples therapy legends Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt were told by THEIR therapist that they were the couple from hell. Since then, not only have they mended, they've gone on to write multiple best-selling books that have revolutionized the therapy field.   SHOWNOTES: Understanding "Connection" [8:00] What Does 'Imago' Mean, According To The Word's Inventors [15:00] Harville & Helen's Response To Imago Therapy Criticism [20:00] How Harville & Helen’s Turned Their Relationship Around [30:00] What is Zero Negativity? [35:00] Tips For Staying Together In The Face of Separation [40:00] Thoughts For The Therapy Field From Helen & Harville [49:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast199  

Having awesome friends is great. Having awesome friends that are ALSO on the personal growth path IS BETTER! Personal growth powerhouses Reuvain Bacal, Will Vanderveer, Keith Kurlander & Jayson Gaddis are longtime friends with a quarter century of coaching & self-improvement experience between them. Listen in on their convo!   SHOWNOTES: Who Are These Guys? [9:00] The Value Of Community [13:00] How These Four Bros Get Through Conflict With Each Other [21:00] Things The Guys Have Called Each Other On [27:00] How These Men Are Defining Love Today [37:00] What Inspires These Friends The Most [51:00] What Does It Mean to Have a Healthy Mind? [1:09:00] Parting Words of Wisdom [1:24:00]   FREE CLASS FOR MEN ONLY - CLICK HERE!  For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Keith Kurlander, Will Vanderveer and Reuvain Bacal visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast198

We all have a tendency to avoid things that are difficult but Human Connection Specialist and dating coach, Mark Groves, knows where there's pain there's gain. Let's take a look at our wounded, angry warrior sides and see what they have to teach us about loving well!   SHOWNOTES: Are You Fixing People to Boost Your Control? [8:00] Overusing of the "Narcissist" Title [16:00] The Value of Accessing Your Anger [21:00] So Your Relationships Are Tough - Stop Running! [28:00] How to Tap Into Your Inner Warrior [31:00] Skillful and Attractive Anger [34:00] Staying in The Hurt [48:00] Why You Should Be Going to Conferences (Like MOTU) [52:00] Leaving Friends Behind When You’re Growing [54:00] P.S. Mark is HOOKING US UP with $200 off tickets to the Masters Of The [U]niverse Summit in Vancouver this July! I'll be presenting along with many other crazy inspiring speakers. Just enter the code "Smart Couple" when you get your tickets. Click here to get started.    For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast197

Who knew saying the words "I'm insecure" could be so sexy!?! It's time to uncover those insecurities, let go of the entitlement and celebrate where you're really at on your growth path.   SHOWNOTES: Why Insecurity Gets a Bad Rap [2:00] Call B.S. on Your Insecure Friends! [5:00] What Does it Mean to be ”Entitled” [6:00] Your Action Step - It’ll Make You Look Sexy! [9:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast196

Coaches Neil Sattin and Chloe Urban are a great example of a couple getting it right in the face of some serious challenges. Listen closely and you can snag some of their most helpful relationship tools!   SHOWNOTES: Chloe Urban and Neil Sattin’s Love Story [5:00] Advice for Couples When Step-Kids Are Involved [11:00] Why We Fail To Stand Up For Who We Are In Partnership [25:00] Primal Fears [27:00] How Does “Safety” Play a Role In Neil and Chloe's Relationship [31:00] Tip to Repair Relationship Disconnection [36:00] Dr. Pete Levine’s “Vu-ing” Technique for Self-Regulation [41:00] Chole & Neil’s Spiritual Practice-Relationship Intersection [45:00] When One Member of a Couple Doesn’t Have a Spiritual Practice [50:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Neil Sattin and Chloe Urban visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast195

Jayson met up with renowned couples therapy expert and author, Ellyn Bader, at this year's Interpersonal Neurobiology Conference at UCLA. WOW, was she a treasure trove of insight. Not just theories and concepts, but insight that can be used every day. SHOWNOTES: Who is Ellyn Bader? [3:00] Anxiety vs Growth-Promoting Anxiety in Relationship [7:00] Three Different Decision-Making Strategies For Couples [16:00] Ellyn’s Insight for Therapists [21:00] Why Telling Your Partner What You "Need" Can be Problematic [29:00] The Confusion Around Differentiation vs Individuation [37:00] What Ellyn Means When She Asks, "Are You a Lie Invitee?" [47:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellyn Bader visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast194

Right now, researchers and the public are fascinated with brain science and Dr. Dan Siegel is a legend in that department. Jayson and Dr. Siegel dig in deep in this one, discussing autoimmune disease, rewiring the brain, GMO food, struggles in the therapy field and so much more.d and so much more. SHOWNOTES: Why It’s Important to Have Healthy Adult Relationships for Good Health [12:00] Dr. Siegel's Thoughts on Epigenetics [15:00] The 5 Parts of Making Meaning [24:00] Emotion & The Importance of Subjective Experience [29:00] Autoimmune Disorders, Gluten and GMO Foods [41:00] Adverse Childhood Experiences and Illness [46:00] Where Are Therapist Falling Short And What Are They Doing Well [1:00:00] Dr. Siegel's Advice for Young People [1:06:00]   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast193

A new study shows child abuse should be considered the second largest cause of illness in the U.S.. And yet, our diagnostic system ignores trauma completely. Listen to what trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk has to say about that and get his insight into turning traumatic pain into personal power!   SHOWNOTES: Bessel Responds to The Allegations Against Him [10:00] 2nd Largest National Health Problem: Child Abuse  [17:00] Avoiding Seeing Trauma Victims as Broken People [20:00] Why Meds Don't Cure Trauma [28:00] Explained: Why Child Abuse Can Lead to More Abuse [38:00] The Harm in Telling a Trauma Story Over and Over   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast191

 Men are getting their world's rocked by the #MeToo movement and the rapid change in gender norms. In this episode, Jayson taps into Adam Gilad's valuable insight on men in the modern world. SHOWNOTES: Who is Adam Gilad & What is Going on With Men Right Now [3:00] Men and the #MeToo Movement [8:00] Why Does the #MeToo Movement Make Some Men Defensive? [11:00] Why Male Identity Ultimately Doesn't Mean Shit [14:00]  Mom Issues and Male Rage [18:00] Thoughts on Male Conditioning [20:00] How do you Help People who Don't Want to be Helped? [23:00] What Women Need to Know About men Right now [25:00]   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast190

This year's Interpersonal Neurobiology Conference at UCLA was a dream for a relationship research and brain science nerd! If you geek out on that stuff, you'll love hearing the highlights Jayson and his therapist partner, Ellen Boeder, have in their personal conference notes. SHOWNOTES: Antonio Damasio Highlights [5:00] Dan Siegel Highlights [8:00] Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt Highlights - Safe Conversation [12:00] Crazy Listening Statistic [15:00] Secure Functioning Relationships and Other Stan Tatkin Highlights [18:00] Insight for Therapists and Couples from Peter Pierson [18:00] Affairs and Esther Perel Highlights [25:00] The Shame of Staying With a Partner That Cheats [29:00] Insight from the Couples Panel [31:00] For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast189

If you're like most people, you spend FOUR HOURS A DAY on your phone and check it ONE HUNDRED TIMES! Is all that time improving your life and the lives of others? If you use social media and want to hear a unique story about rebuilding after a separation, this episode is worth every minute!   SHOWNOTES: Who is Mark Shapiro? [5:00] Some Social Media Fails [12:00] Mark’s Extreme Social Media Experiment [16:00] Why do we Avoid Reaching out to Friends Online? [27:00] Mark’s First Marriage: Before & After [31:00] Showing Appreciation When You're not Feeling it [34:00] What was Open Relationship Life Like? [37:00] Advice for Couples Considering Divorce [48:00] Why Being Real is Important [56:00]   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast188

  In this episode, Jayson breaks down the three stages of long-term relationships, why they matter and what it takes to advance beyond the three stages to the ultimate partnership phase we all desire.   SHOWNOTES: Relationship Stage One: Infatuation [4:00] Relationship Stage Two is Challenging! [8:00] Earning the RIGHT to Get to Stage Three: True Love [9:00] Jayson's Fourth Stage: Love 360 [11:00]  To view this episode's webpage visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast187  

Ever heard of a freak accident rocking someone's world and totally changing them for the better? Gay Hendricks has one of those stories! If you're interested in the mind-body connection and seeking purpose, a forever partner or a new you...listen closely and Gay may just share all the wisdom you need, without experiencing your own life-altering mishap.   SHOWNOTES: The Gay Hendrick’s Story [15:00] Are You Having the Same Argument Over and Over? [23:00] Gay’s Second New Beginning [27:00] How to Bring Out Your Inner Genius [33:00] The Four Fears and Why They Matter [37:00] Taking Time Each Day To Connect With Your Genius [41:00] A Story About Physical Pain’s Tie to Relationship Struggle [46:00]

Kids have been getting a lot of attention for troubling behavior recently...committing mass shootings, posting disturbing viral videos and lashing out at their parents with shocking rage. What is going on!?! In this episode, renowned author and counselor Kim John Payne clears up misconceptions about "disobedient" children and explains how you can bring a balance of power back to your household. SHOWNOTES: Be Inquisitive, Not Accusatory [18:00] When a Child is Distressed, Connection is Key  [27:00] Why it's a Mistake to Give Kids Too Many Choices [31:00] Don't Take it Personally When Your Kid Pushes Your Buttons [45:00] Are You "Peer Parenting"? [49:00] What You Can Do to Take Back the Leadership Role [58:00] Kim's Take on Youth Involvement in Mass Shootings [1:01:00] How to Parent Post National Tragedy [1:04:00] Your Home the War Zone [1:10:00] The Four Types Love & Why We Shouldn't Confuse Them [1:16:00] For the full web post for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast185

Seeking purpose, health and happiness? International educator, best selling author, researcher and human behavior expert Dr. John Demartini can help you find answers! Don't miss this diverse episode with one of Jayson's greatest mentors.   SHOWNOTES:  What we do vs. what we say [10:00] What's your strategy for achieving your goals? [13:00] So you think your job sucks, but does it really? [18:00] Illness, symptoms and the mind [20:00] Thoughts on reincarnation [26:00] Demartini's theories on the rise in autoimmune disease [32:00] Is social media making us physically ill? [34:00] Demartini's opinions on attachment theory [38:00] No such thing as a dysfunctional family [45:00] Beware of the "all enlightened" person [50:00] Can we train our bodies to sleep less? [1:10:00] Cryptocurrencies and financial advice [1:14:00]   To view the webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast184

Fighting in front of the kids is a major taboo, but should it be? What if we started treating each conflict in the home as an opportunity for relationship homeschooling? Jayson Gaddis has spent years teaching kids (including his own) about how to do conflict. News flash: Lectures aren't the answer. Leading by example is! In this episode, you'll learn how to take your family's authenticity to a whole new level AND ensure the young adults in your life learn how to do conflict from someone who cares about doing it right...someone like you! SHOWNOTES: DO fight in front of your kids [2:00] Why it's a mistake to lecture young people [4:00] Young people see, young people do [6:00] What are conflicts in front of kids like at the Gaddis house? [8:00] Shame as a tool [10:00] You're action step [15:00] Check out the webpage for this episode at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast183

Not a fan of your inner critic? Want to get rid of it? What if that negative voice inside isn't your enemy but a valuable part of your internal family? Author, psychotherapist and founder of the Internal Family Systems Model (IFS), Richard Schwartz, says our true "Self" exists side by side with the many parts that make us who we are. The trick is putting the "Self" back in the driver's seat. In this episode, Richard and Jayson talk IFS and explore the concept that people are naturally multiple. This one's great for therapists, coaches AND individuals alike! SHOWNOTES Who is Richard Schwartz? [7:00] What makes Internal Family System (IFS) therapy unique? [11:00] The three goals of IFS [19:00] Changing your relationship with your inner critic [22:00] Richard's thoughts on co-regulation [35:00] Is healing on your own realistic? [44:00] Your partner, your "tor-mentor" [49:00] Richard's bits of advice and suggested resources [54:00]    

Did you know around one in ten marriages starts as a long-distance relationship? Connor and Vienna are one long-distance couple on their way to marriage and, as professional mentors, they have many gems of wisdom to share.  Find out what's working for them and see how their insight applies to you!   SHOWNOTES Who are Connor Beaton and Vienna Pharaon? [7:00] Connor and Vienna's love story [10:00] This couple's tips for long-distance couples [20:00] The importance of communication in long-distance relationships [23:00] What does defensiveness say about a person's relationship priorities? [31:00] Balancing autonomy and the desire to be together [39:00] As relationship coaches, what advice do these two have for all couples? [51:00]

Wondering HOW The Relationship School® changes lives? If it's really worth it? Curious why more and more people are saying it's life changing and the best thing they've ever done? In this episode, we hear the honest stories of four Relationship School students, each living different lives with unique challenges. SHOWNOTES Who are these four women? [9:00] How The Relationship School did what therapy could not [19:00] Community & Commitment make it work [25:00] Relationship School and your kids  [28:00] What is LUFU? [36:00] Get in touch with your needs [41:00] Top reasons to enroll [48:00] Contest details:   In order to qualify, you must 1)- be able to fly to Boulder CO on your own, 2) pay $100 (for a $1000 course) 3) have not won anything before. 4) be a member of the private smart couple facebook group   There are 3 big prizes.   1st prize: Free ($100 non-refundable deposit so we know you are in) admission to the Embracing Conflict weekend (value $1000). PLUS, you get to bring a friend for half price! boom! 2nd Prize: $200 toward any relationship class (Must be used by Feb 1st) 3rd Prize: $50 toward a hat, shirt or other merchandise in our store (expires Feb 1st)   Instruction to enter: Record a 1 min video of 1) the most triggering behavior your partner (or past partner) does and 2) how you normally deal with it, and 3) what your question is about how to do it better.   Video must be no longer than 1 minute.

Happy New Year! In this special episode, Jayson shares his candid thoughts on what worked for the Smart Couple Podcast last year, what did not and the changes planned for 2018. We also get Jayson's top ten episodes list from 2017.   SHOWNOTES The Smart Couple Podcast: Reflections on 2017 and Plans for 2018 [4:00] What's The Relationship School Have In Store for 2018? [12:00] Jayson's 2017 Top Ten Episodes List [17:00] Hidden Power Of Conflict – Annie Lalla – SC 88 How To Deal With An Avoidant Partner & Interpersonal Stress – Stan Tatkin – SC 104 The Neuroscience & Power of Safe Relationships – Stephen W. Porges – SC 116 Ayahuasca, Trauma, & Relationships – Dr. Gabor Maté – SC 134 The 4 Freedoms That Develop Masculine Depth & Purpose – Satyen Raja – SC 140 The Trap of Becoming Your Partner’s Therapist – Danielle LaPorte – SC 146 My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection – Ellen Boeder – SC 152 Setting Boundaries With Ease, Grace and Love – Terri Cole – SC 156 Interpersonal Neurobiology – Dan Siegel – SC 158 Why Spiritually Developed People Struggle With Monogamy – Ellen & Jayson – SC 176

Wondering what you can learn from a millennial couple? Turns out it's quite a bit! Kiyomi and Joel are a mixed-race millennial couple that discovers how much their culture plays into their relationship. These two high school sweethearts grew up together and their system for growing together as they mature (as we all do) is inspiring. Think where you come from isn't a big part of your love life? Uncertain a couple so young can offer profound wisdom? Prepare to be surprised!   SHOWNOTES:  Kiyomi & Joel’s high school love story [9:00] What is Relationship OCD? [12:00] Joel’s secret for consistent happiness [17:00] Couple discovers being mixed race affects them [21:00] Kiyomi & Joel’s conflict management method [29:00] What’s the secret to balancing work and relationship life? [35:00] Jayson’s advice when planning a wedding [43:00]

Couples that survive the toughest relationship challenges are so impressive! Leahnora and Noah are one of those couples. Cheating nearly tore them apart but they made commitments to change themselves and now they're stronger than ever before. What did they do? How do they handle the baggage of their past? Jayson explores the tough questions here. Also, Leahnora and Noah are still working through some common issues around sexuality and conflict and they share vulnerably about this as Jayson gives some relationship coaching. SHOWNOTES How did Noah handle the cheating? [9:00] Leahnora & Noah’s personal growth paths [15:00] Defensiveness isn’t always bad [25:00] Their open relationship experience [29:00] How Noah & Leahnora’s fighting style [35:00] Trusting love’s message no matter the cost [40:00] Jayson addresses their sexuality struggles [44:00] When you’re both triggered [54:00] Don’t respond with “That wasn’t my intent” [60:00]

 Is your spiritual growth helping your relationship? Are you collaborating with your partner to better yourself as an individual? Or are you going to your corner of the house to meditate all by yourself? Their careers as therapists and decades of mediation experience have lead Jayson Gaddis and his wife Ellen Boeder to multiple spiritual development discoveries. Turns out even the most spiritually advanced amongst us struggle with relationships. Jayson and Ellen also encourage couples to discover how collaboration with a partner in times of stress can strengthen each individual. This episode is full of tips for anyone interested in bettering themselves and their relationship at the same time! Here are a few highlights:   SHOWNOTES How Ellen & Jayson Benefit from Spiritual Practice [2:00] Spiritually Advanced People Struggle With Relationships [10:00] Strengthening Relationship With Dependence [17:00] Calming Down Together [20:00] Where Spirituality Alone Falls Short [25:00] When “Your” Triggers Should Be An “Us” Thing [33:00]   'Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson' To celebrate my first book, The Smart Couple Quote Book and the Holiday Season, I am giving away 3 big prizes. 2nd place) $200 credit for any of my courses, 3rd place) $30 to be used in the Relationship School store and the Grand Prize is a 45-minute coaching session for you or you and your partner from me! Boom! Who's in? To enter to win you must go to the Jayson Gaddis Fan Page on Facebook and 1. Find the Contest Post 2. Like the contest post 3. Comment on the post with what you love about The Smart Couple Book 3. Share the post and tag 3 friends   AND extra bonus points: For an extra 5 entries into the raffle, post a selfie of you on your social channels with the book tagging Jayson Gaddis OR leave a review of the book on Amazon. If you leave a review, email us a screenshot of your review at [email protected] . Make sure we see the tagged post as well. Send us an email as a back up with a link to your social post.   Contest is open to anyone in the world until December 10 at 11:59p MT. Winners will be announced on the Smart Couple Podcast and Facebook on Wednesday, December 13th.

According to John Gray, women are embracing their masculine side and men their feminine side more than ever before and our new behavior is significantly influencing our biology and the new challenges that we face in our most intimate relationships. John Gray, author of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, says that as gender roles change, so are our hormones, making many relationships ... well, complicated. As Jayson finds out in this episode, John Gray is willing to stir up controversy to prove traditional gender roles and behavior shouldn't be abandoned completely if we want to be physically healthy and happy in our relationships.   SHOWNOTES Who is John Gray? [9:00] Stop the blame game [17:00] Putting on your masculine or feminine "hat" [20:00] Relationships in the era of gender neutrality [23:00] The science behind "male" vs "female" qualities [34:00] Is the angry man a feminized man? [39:00] Pesticides and hormones [43:00] Balancing our male and female sides [54:00] Ladies, venting is good for you [57:00] Changing diet to correct hormonal imbalance [1:09:00]  

The Smart Couple Quote Book is out! This is a relationship book unlike any other. Add tools to your relationship toolbox with just a minute of reading a day. You will learn radically simple ways to avoid pointless fights, have better sex, and build an indestructible partnership. Who is the Smart Couple Quote Book for: - Singles! - Couples! - Friends! - Coaches! - Yoga/Meditation Instructors! - Team Leaders! - Busy People! - Lifelong Learners! - Quote Lovers! and more.... Take a selfie with your Smart Couple Quote Book for our upcoming photo contest!  

Unsure why certain interactions with loved ones get you so upset? Ever struggle to relate to the hardship of others? Psychotherapist Sharon Stanley says the issue could be trauma, trauma you may not even be aware you have. Once we assess our own trauma we can begin exercising our senses and become more compassionate to others. According to Sharon, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to consider the pain in our pasts, only then can we embody true empathy!   SHOWNOTES Who is Sharon Stanley? [6:00] The best ways to connect with a traumatized person [11:00] Interacting with a partner with trauma [16:00] Building strength within the body to address trauma [20:00] The cost of ignoring trauma [25:00] Are you dealing with trauma? [26:00] Is neglect the worst type of trauma? [30:00] The importance of being embodied [35:00]  

What is Zen Parenting Radio?  Todd & Cathy’s story Cathy’s post-pregnancy identity crisis You can’t make your partner like what you like  Todd’s wake up call  When “husband’ is a loaded term  The ugly side of “Happy wife, happy life”  Getting out of your kids way  Drop the parent “role” and be a role model  Keep your parenting baggage to yourself 

Why do so many men use porn? What is it doing for them? I think it's obvious that porn can ruin your relationship, but what's not so obvious is why so many men use porn. What is going on inside the male brain. I have my own theories but I wanted to hear from THE porn expert on this... Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES The link between chronic erectile dysfunction and porn use [11:00] How do you know when porn use is a problem? [13:00] Can people use porn in a healthy way? [16:00] Why are people using porn? [19:00] How many women are watching porn? [23:00] Religion and porn [22:00] When men use porn for ‘stress relief’ [27:00] How internet porn is shaping our sexuality [36:00] How to heal porn addiction through relationship [48:00]

I used to try really hard to get people to think I was a good guy. This is another version of the "nice guy syndrome." And, it had a big cost. If you are a nice guy, or you are with a "nice guy" you're going to want to listen to this one because it's quite possible the "nice guy" thing is going to really damage your relationship over time (If it hasn't already). Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES About Robert [6:00] How does someone become a Nice Guy? [11:00] Robert’s definition of a Nice Guy [12:00] The paradox of Nice Guy Syndrome [13:00] The cultural belief that ‘masculine is bad' [25:00] The trap of disowning the masculine [28:00] Tips for increasing self-worth [34:00] How to stop people-pleasing [36:00] How to meet your own needs [42:00]

Dan Savage is known for his criticism of monogamy. But what is he missing and why does he think it's a disaster waiting to happen? Listen as Jayson takes a swing in Dan's direction.   SHOWNOTES:  Introducing Dan Savage 1:30 Dan Savage on why monogamy does not work 3:00 Is every monogamous relationship a disaster waiting to happen? 5:30 The potency of 'leaning in' 7:00 Monogamy as an expression of learning to love 9:00

If you are serious about not dating another narcissistic man, and you are an awesome woman over 40, 50, or 60, this episode is for you. My guest Bobbi Palmer, of "Date like a grown up" has some great advice for how to stay true to you and get what you want. SHOWNOTES About Bobbi [10:00] How Bobbi met and married the man of her dreams within 6 months [13:00] Getting clear on what matters and what doesn’t [15:00] Talking politics, religion, family and finances on the first date [17:00] How people hide from love behind their careers [20:00] About the ‘Narcissistic Guy’ [28:00] 3 Principles of Dating Like A Grown-Up [36:00] The challenge for older women who are dating [45:00]

Do you ever wonder if your relationship pain is guiding you deeper into whatever you need to heal yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with God? With reality? In this fun interview, Andrew Harvey explores how you can create evolutionary love that is much bigger than the "you" you know yourself to be. Hang on for a wild ride as Andrew takes you into a sacred outlook on how relationships work and how they can serve your soul's calling. SHOWNOTES Andrew’s definition of true love [10:00] Why is love hard? [11:00] 3 ways to build and cultivate true love [13:00] ‘The shadow’ and an exercise in shadow-work [20:00] Taking responsibility for disowned parts of yourself [27:00] Advice about purpose for when you’re feeling lost in life [28:00] The role of suffering on a spiritual path [37:00] A quote by Rumi [39:00] What is the most important thing people need to learn in relationship? [41:00]

What Does ‘Do the Work’ Actually Mean? 1:30 Defining ‘doing the work’ 3:00 Developing the self 4:00 What is the inner child? 5:30 How long must we work on the ‘inner child’? 

Loyalty is essential in a long-term partnership. Is loyalty different for gay couples? What honest conversations and boundaries are you both talking about? In this episode my guest Jean Malpas has some excellent tips for addressing these concerns and for giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. SHOWNOTES Understanding cisgender and transgender [2:00] At what age do people start to identify with their gender? [4:00] An issue that comes up for any couple, gay or straight [8:00] What’s ok and what’s not ok in an open relationship? [11:00] What is the one essential factor in a successful relationship? [14:00] Is there a difference between gay & straight couple relationships? [15:00] Being mindful about areas of shame in relationship [21:00] What is “minority stress”? [22:00] Advice for couples who are struggling in relationship [33:00]

What's porn's place in a relationship? [2:00] How porn can negatively affect a relationship [5:00] Porn is not the bad guy [7:00] Porn, like any compulsion, can be a wedge between two people [10:00] Ramifications of porn [12:00]

Arielle Ford explores the ups and downs of marriage, what to do with a new age nice guy, and how to rekindle the spark after stuckness. This week's guest got married at age 44, and realized she sucked at listening and didn't know anything about partnership. And now she teaches people all over the world the about the power of attraction, soul mates, and love. SHOWNOTES Talking vs communicating [6:00] The purpose of marriage [8:00] Shocking facts about divorce [12:00] Women: How to fill up your oxytocin tanks [17:00] Men: How to rebuild testosterone [18:00] Do both partners need to be into growth and development? [21:00] Stepping back into your feminine after being in work-mode [27:00] How to have a difficult conversation in a positive way [33:00] How to lighten the mood when you’re triggered [38:00]  

2:30 Defining emotional abuse 4:45 It Takes Two 5:30 Do you feel safe in your own home? 6:10 It's more complicated than 'just leave.' 7:00 How are you a part of your own abuse cycle? 7:35 Self-reflection and taking responsibility

What does your intention have to do with creating a great relationship? According to my guest, everything. If you are single, what vibe are you putting out into the world to attract a mate? If you are partnered, what vibe are you putting into your relationship? This week's guest has so much to say about upgrading your story and your intention and how that can impact how fulfilled you are in your relationship (or future relationship). She also has some practical tips on how to do exactly that.  If you are trying to "call in the one", or just trying to deepen with the one you have already, this interview is going to help you a ton! SHOWNOTES Why do some women have a pattern of dating unavailable men? [11:00] The power of setting intentions [14:00] Self-limiting beliefs and 'stories' we tell ourselves [21:00] Clearing up 'the power of thoughts' for skeptics [23:00] A guided exercise with Katherine for finding your 'false self' [29:00] How to talk to your inner child [34:00] What to do when you're really stuck in your own story [45:00] Katherine's go-to move for when she's triggered [49:00]

QUESTION When my boyfriend gets triggered and shares his thoughts and feelings with me, how do I not take it personal and get defensive? I feel like this creates a barrier between us when he is trying to reach out and I want to be with him in this moment. But I feel attacked even though I know he's not attacking me - I can hear my shitty defensive tone of voice and feel my body language change. I also can't get my thoughts clear enough to have a mature conversation with him, I'm all caught up in my own BS, it's pathetic! How do I get past this and be present with him? Kim - Fairfax VA SHOWNOTES Question from Kim [1:00] Zeroing in on what makes us defensive [3:00] Working out what you need when you're feeling defensive [5:00] What to do when you're too triggered to think clearly [7:00]

If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind.  We discuss how we human beings operate when our "minds" and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence.  This episode is powerful. It's for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma. SHOWNOTES The 3 facets of the mind [15:00] Where does the mind live? [18:00] What do relationships and the body share in common? [20:00] How you can strengthen your mind through "monitoring and modifying" [27:00] Hyperarousal vs hypo-arousal [31:00] The 4 F’s of a reactive state [32:00] Coming back from reactivity [37:00] What are the long-term costs of not repairing ruptures to relationship? [42:00] How presence helps fight off disease [48:00] The importance of developing an "internal compass" [60:00]

Quote from the Smart Couple Quote Book Stop wasting time with people who don’t support your fullness. Stop apologizing for who you are. Do not spend another day dimming your light because someone’s uncomfortable. Some people you know will always be uncomfortable with your way and will always judge you. Let them go and keep being you as you are. SHOWNOTES A quote from The Smart Couple Quote Book [7:00] Outgrowing people on your path to growth and development [8:00] Surrounding yourself by growth-oriented people [10:00]

Boundaries are essential in a partnership and Terri Cole knows a lot about them. We talk about getting sober, parenting her inner child, what it takes to have your marriage as a top priority and what women can do to balance being independently strong with interdependently connected. This podcast interview is fun and full of gems. SHOWNOTES Terri’s story [10:00] The 3 questions you need to ask yourself when you get triggered [21:00] What is ‘transference’ and how to we ‘repeat realities’? [23:00] How you can become more knowledgeable about your internal experience [26:00] Why is it important to do inner-child work? [27:00] What is a ‘Downloaded Love Blue-Print’, and how does it affect every relationship we have? [32:00] Examples of language you can use to support your partner when they’re triggered [42:00] 1 simple boundary everybody needs [49:00] Consequences vs threats [55:00]