The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

Have you ever upset someone because you wanted to speak your truth or follow your truth? If you choose to follow your heart in life, you’re going to upset people and disappoint people. It’s part of the path. But so many of us listen to the fear and shrink away from what’s true for us, instead of having the courage to stand up, express ourselves, or follow our dreams. In this podcast, you’ll hear one man’s story of overcoming fear and saying no to his father’s wishes. Whew. It’s powerful what he did. And, as a result his life has been pretty extraordinary.   Shownotes: 3:10: Introduction of Kute Blackson and his life story 16:55: Overcoming the fear of being your true self 33:35: Dealing with people who criticize you 39:10: How to overcome the victim mentality 47:15: How to let go of our past 52:35: About racism 1:03:10 Action step Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-One-Adventure-Discovering/dp/1501127276 http://www.boundlessblissbali.com/ https://kuteblackson.com/blog/ https://www.instagram.com/kuteblackson/  

If you are feeling stressed I think this will be helpful for you now, and to save for a future date when you are feeling stressed. Your ability to meet adversity will likely determine your results in your relational life, and more.  Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected/

Have you ever been around someone who just drains you of energy? Or, on the flip side, fuels you up? We all have energy flows, and it can actually be mapped among us. In episode 305 of the RS podcast Dr. Wayne Baker, an author and sociologist, shares his work with energy mapping and why we need both human capital AND social capital to be more effective in our relationships (I just learned these terms too and it’s fascinating stuff!).  This one is especially valuable for bosses, business owners and anyone in leadership positions.   Shownotes:   2:25: Introduction Dr. Wayne Baker 7:45: What is social capital? 9:00: How energy flows in our social networks 14:35: Human and social capital on this day and age 16:55: 4 elements of high-quality connections 23:55: Team culture values 29:15: What can we do to implement and promote better values 34:25: Advice for people in positions of power 41.15: Action Step

A lot of podcast listeners ask about narcissism so I thought I’d find an expert. Stan Tatkin is that guy. He did his dissertation on narcissism. So this one gets really dense. Stan reminds the listener that if you find yourself with a narcissistic person, you might want to look in the mirror. Gulp.   Shownotes:   7:50 Introduction Dr. Stan Tatkin 17:05 What is a narcissist person? 26:45 The second form of narcissism 38:30 How narcissists perceive their relationships 47:30 Is it possible to recover from a narcissistic behavior? 49:40 How do you spot a narcissist? 54:15: The difference between a healthy amount of selfishness and being a narcissist 59:30 Are narcissists capable of experiencing love? 1:04:30 What can we do for ourselves if we are around narcissists? 1:07:15 Action Step

If you’ve ever struggled to bring up something challenging with someone you care about, you know how dicey it can be sometimes. If you don’t bring it up, you might start to resent them. If you do bring it up, they might react and get upset. Hmmm. What do you do? Here are a few tips to help you navigate this quandary.   Shownotes: 4:15: How to bring up difficult things 16:40 Action step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/community/

If you are feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed, this is a must listen. It might have been one of the best parenting interviews I’ve done. My guest Tina Bryson shares 2 things that create stress in kids right now then she covers 3-4 things that relieve stress and anxiety. This one is very good. Even if you’re not a parent, you were a kid a while back and this will help you see what’s possible.   Shownotes: 5:15 Introduction Dr. Tina Bryson 9:40 The importance of self-awareness for parents 17:45 Two things that create stress for kids at home 22:40 How to relieve stress 32:00 Name it to tame it: The importance of acknowledging our feelings and emotions 37:35 How to provide children a safe and secure place at home 52:00 How parents can help children make better decisions for themselves 1:04:10 Action step Useful Links: https://www.tinabryson.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct  

Some of you know that I nerd out on research about relationships. Well, have you heard about the research study that says loneliness is more lethal than smoking 15 cigarettes per day?  Well, I finally got to talk to the woman that did this research. Wow. It’s astounding and puts our relationships with other people front and center.   Shownotes:   5:10 Introduction  Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad 7:30 The impact of loneliness and social isolation on people's health 14:00 Dr. Julianne’s health studies 19:45 The impact of relationships on our health and life expectancy 41:55 Why you might feel lonely even if you are surrounded by people 48:25 Why some people disagree with the studies about loneliness and social isolation 1:04:50 Action step   Useful Links: https://twitter.com/jholtlunstad?lang=en https://julianneholtlunstad.byu.edu/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct    

If you are a helper, therapist, or coach (or you are curious), here’s a great podcast I just recorded about helping others and taking the leap to be a relationship coach.   Shownotes: 9:50 What is coaching? 11:30 How to become a good relationship coach 25:05 About our coaching program 37:25 Action step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/therapy-vs-coaching-sc-139/

My good friend and Men’s Coach Tripp Lanier joins me in episode 299 of the podcast for a killer convo about why we shouldn’t take ourselves so seriously and how to put a voice to our fears so we can use them for fuel to get what we want. Shownotes:   5:00 Introduction Tripp Lanier 10:35 What put Tripp on a path of self-discovery and growth? 12:50 Men dealing with their emotions and fears 14:25 The 3 big threats 18:00 The fear of being ourselves 20:40 Facing the problems in our lives 25:30 Using our feelings and emotions as a guide to a better life and better relationships 37:30 Assuming you are responsible for your own life 39:00 You don’t need to be in the mood to improve 41:15 Stop taking yourself too seriously 46:15 Setting goals for ourselves in a different way 50:30 What is freedom? 53:00 Comfort doesn’t mean fulfillment 56:00 The fear of change in our relationships 1:00:05 Advice to keep a marriage working 1:04:40 Action step   Useful Links: https://www.amazon.com/This-Book-Will-Make-Dangerous-ebook/dp/B086PY4W35 https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct  

Can we rewire our brains to find more fulfillment in ourselves and in our relationships? Psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson joins me in episode 298 of the podcast to share his take on how exactly we can get there. Shownotes:   3:30 What is happiness and why do we seek it? 6:40 How to overcome negativity without ignoring our traumas 10:25 The importance of self-awareness in our relationships 14:00 Why relationships matter so much 19:25 Recognizing good and bad intentions of others 27:40 What prevents people from growing? 32:40 What triggered change in Rick’s life 42:20 Why learning is essential for your brain’s health 48:15 Why it’s important to acknowledge and embrace your victories 54:30 Action step Useful Links: https://www.rickhanson.net/ https://rickhanson.net/neurodharma https://relationshipschool.com/rct

Join me in episode 297 of the podcast for a moving and motivating conversation with Lloyd Fickett, founder of “The Collaborative Way”. We get in deep about life, love and leadership in this one. Shownotes: 3:55 Introduction of Lloyd Fickett 5:55 What is The Collaborative Way? 16:00 Problems that can be solved with The Collaborative Way 24:25 How team leaders can improve their leadership skills 30:00 Steps we can take to make our relationships stronger 41:20 Lloyd's experiences with grief and growth after his wife’s passing  49:30 Action step Useful Links: https://www.collaborativeway.com/ https://learn.collaborativeway.com/

I’m a big fan of esteemed psychologist Dr. Ed Tronick and was stoked to pick his brain in episode 296 of the podcast. Join us for an amazing conversation on The Still Face Experiment, relationship dynamics, his new book and much more. Shownotes: 5:30 Introduction of Dr. Edward Tronick 8:10 The impact on children from mask wearing 11:25 The “Still Face” experiment and its impact on culture 15:25 Understanding mother-child interactions 24:50 Working on our mismatches with others and building security 32:00 How relationship dynamics in the early years impact infants 42:15 The platform of security 45:10 The power of repair in relationships 1:02:50 Co-regulation between children and their mothers 1:14:00 Action step   Useful Links:   https://www.amazon.com/Power-Discord-Relationships-Building-Resilience/dp/0316488879 https://www.umb.edu/academics/cla/faculty/edward_tronick https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0  

In episode 295 of the podcast I continue our race conversation with Michael Taylor and Jon Walton, 2 friends of TRS whose life’s work is to educate others and lift up people of color. Check it out. Shownotes: 4:20 Introduction to Michael Taylor and Jon Walton 7:30 The roots of racism and white supremacy 12:00 Michael and Jon's experiences with racism 20:30 Is the reactivity around these problems necessary? 25:50 What can white people do? 33:25 Why we judge other people based on the color of their skin 41:00 How can white people get involved in supporting anti-racism without white-centering? 45:10 How to engage in challenging conversations around racism? 1:01:50 Is it necessary for white people to apologize to Black people? 1:04:00 Advice to deal with race issues in interracial relationships 1:09:00 About police brutality and how the media portrays Black people 1:16:45 Final thoughts 1:21:55 Action step   Useful Links:   https://www.shatteringblackmalestereotypes.com/ https://www.jontwalton.com/  

As the anti-racism protests and movement continue to spread across our country, I wanted to represent a few Black voices on the podcast to help me/us get involved.   In early 2019, I took a 7-week class for white people on equity, race, and diversity. Louiza “Weeze” Doran, who took time out of her insanely busy schedule right now, was one of my teachers.  I consider her one of my main mentors when it comes to the subject of racism.  Weeze is a coach, educator, political activist, organizer, and strategist, among many other things. She’s in direct action toward moving the system forward to equity, justice, inclusion, and liberation for the Black community. Weeze and I talk about how we’re doing in our response so far after the George Floyd murder, 3 things that white people can do right now to support, and our historical culture of whiteness. She helps me get clear on how to define racism and what it looks like in everyday life, because it’s not always so obvious. She also answers some great questions from my listeners. This is an amazing listen, folks. It will wake you up, may make you uncomfortable (and that’s a good thing -- it means you’re being activated!) and inspire you to look at your own life and take action.   Shownotes: 7:25 Introduction Louiza "Weeze" Doran 10:55 Society's response to George Floyd’s death 19:30 What white people can do to support the anti-racism movement 25:55 Defining racism 32:30 How living in your personal bubble keeps you from understanding other people’s lives and experiences 40:30 How to support the Black community without coming across as condescending 45:30 Where to get news and unbiased information 47:00 Examples of “unchecked white privilege” and covert racism 54:00 How to support Black people at work 56:05 About “white-centering” 59:45: How to talk to kids about racism 1:05:50 Hope about the future 1:11:35 Action step   Useful Links: https://www.accordingtoweeze.com/ https://www.instagram.com/accordingtoweeze/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct/  

As the pandemic continues, one of the most charged topics that’s come up is mask wearing. Many people are wearing them because their area requires it and/or they think it’ll help stop the spread. Others aren’t because their area has more relaxed rules and/or they think it’s holding them back from a much-needed return to normal life. Either way, it’s turned into a divisive issue with people internally or even publicly shaming each other for wearing or not wearing a mask.  This is a prime example of conflict, something that happens in our intimate relationships all the time. We want others to conform to our values and do what we’re doing. But this behavior just isn’t realistic. Join me in episode 293 of the RS podcast to dig deeper into the issue and discuss how we can resolve a lot of the conflict we feel by actively listening to each other and learning about both viewpoints. Useful Links:https://relationshipschool.com/rct/

As a man, I have wrestled with my sexuality most of my life.  That’s why I love it when other men are willing to “go there.”  Here’s another rich conversation with two men getting honest about us guys in the bedroom.  I first spoke to Destin Gerek a few years ago in episode 98 about evolving masculinity, and the man who used to call himself the Erotic Rockstar joins me again in episode 292 to build off that conversation and talk his new book The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs & the One She Craves. Click here to listen. We discuss what an evolved man looks like 2020, why some men fear their masculinity, and the vulnerability of embracing the feminine within. We also talk intimately about common male sexuality issues and feeling satisfied not only with our partners, but with ourselves. This is a good one for men AND women -- go check it out!   Shownotes: 2:53 Introduction Destin Gerek 8:05 Masculine and feminine energy 10:00 Why some men are afraid to show their masculine side 11:25 The impact of the #MeToo movement on men 17:00 How men can use their sexuality as a gift for women 24:40 Men must believe they are worthy of sex 27:00 How can men cultivate a healthy sexual relationship? 31:25: What can men do to improve their sexual performance 44:30 How our relationship with our parents affect the relationship with our partners 48:20 How men can be better husbands and a better dads 54:15 Action Step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://www.evolvedmasculine.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Evolved-Masculine-World-Needs-Craves/dp/1734144106 https://www.facebook.com/groups/relationshipadviceformen/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

In episode 291 of The Relationship School podcast I spoke with CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke, co-founders of Thrive! Inc. coaching and consulting which specializes in resolving conflict in the workplace and using it to fuel greater teamwork and collective creativity. They’ve worked with everyone from tech startups to Fortune 100 companies and have written books on the subject and even started their own podcast.   The two women, also life partners, have pretty incredible life stories and are just as passionate about conflict as I am, albeit in a corporate setting.  We talked about some of their own defining moments with conflict, speaking up to power, the importance of having real conversations, and how embracing conflict, as awful as it can be, can truly be life changing.  Have a listen!   Shownotes: 3:45 Introduccion CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke 12:35 Most common problems for people and teams inside different organizations 16:00 How to start tackling conflict and communication issues inside work teams 25:05 Tools for work teams to improve communication 29:40: How to give and receive feedback from others 38:40 Action step Useful links: https://www.thriveinc.com/ 4063507691: Send a text with your name and Email address, and reply with the word BEAUTY. http://relationshipschool.com/community/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Did I choose the wrong person? Are we just incompatible? These are a few of the tough questions many couples ask themselves at some point in their relationship, usually when that blissful honeymoon period ends and real life sh*t begins.  And there’s an even more important question to ask if you are interested in this subject. It boils down to what you both want.  Join me in episode 290 of the RS podcast for a quick but meaningful conversation about incompatibility with me and my wife Ellen. We chat about when incompatibility issues typically arise, why it happens (i.e. when the stress comes in, the truth comes out), and how being different people doesn’t automatically make you incompatible. If you are thinking you and your partner (or ex) might be incompatible, this is a must listen.  Come learn the bigger question we need to ask ourselves about our partners and if the relationship is right for you.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/connected

The brain is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Our brains are what shape us as human beings, but do you ever wonder what’s shaping your brain? Join me in Episode 289 as I chat with neuroscientist Dr. Judy Cameron about her breakthrough research into the brain and how we as adults can help our children have sturdier brain development (this is so important for our future). In the past, brain development was thought to be mainly due to genetic programming, but Dr. Cameron shares how it’s actually life experiences from the time you’re born onward that play a larger role. That means giving our children healthy experiences right now is key for them to build the best brains possible! Come listen and prepare for some mind-blowing stuff!   Shownotes: 3:50 Introduction Dr. Judy Cameron 12:30 Where are we at as a society on rising kids 16:45 Does trauma inhibit brain development? 21:50 Understanding what causes some kids to have social issues  36:45 How can kids learn new and better habits or skills? 41:10 “Flexibility” as a necessary tool for adults to help theirs kids learn 46:30 The importance of building emotional skills at early ages 53:40 Getting “stuck” is related to learning difficulties 1:00:15 How can we strengthen our brain as adults Useful Links: http://workingforkids.com/ [email protected] http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Making love is a pretty straightforward act, but man do we love to make it complicated. How society views sex has always been messy and made wose -- hold your gasp of surprise here -- for women.  It’s about time we ditch this double standard, right? Join me as I chat with relationship expert and Relationship School Ambassador Dr. Alexandra Solomon about sexuality, relational self awareness and all the complexities of sex (and boy there are a lot of them). We discuss how the resurgence of the #MeToo movement in 2017 was the final push she needed to write her new book Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Dr. Solomon, also the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, wanted to add her voice and contribute to this new chapter in conversations around gender, power and sex. Come listen as we talk more about the inspiration behind her writing and what women can do to discover their own unique erotic expression.    Shownotes: 3:10 Introduction Dr. Alexandra Solomon 10:40 About relational self-awareness 14:00 Lessons learned while writing her book 17:30 Guidance for young people about their sexuality 21:05 Women getting in touch with their own sexuality 23:15 At what point should parents have conversations about sexuality with their daughters 28:00 Differences on how society perceives female masturbation 31:50 What can men do to help women explore their sexuality 35:20 How men’s sexual performance is used to define manliness 37:40 Your feelings are data and you can learn from them 39:20 Advice for married couples on how to keep their sex life alive 43:15 The spiritual side of sex 47:20 Action Step Useful Links: Book: Taking Sexy back Dr Alexandra Solomon on Instagram Dr Alexandra Solomon on Facebook Dr Alexandra Solomon's website http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Did you know 1 in 10 Americans take an antidepressant? Yup. For some, the treatment can really help. Yet for many, it doesn’t do much. The COVID-19 pandemic is pushing people like never before. Some of us in a good way, but others are suffering even more. In fact, I think we’re on the brink of a mental health crisis. That’s why I asked my good friend Dr. Will Vanderveer, an integrative psychiatrist, to speak to us about what we can do as practitioners (therapists and coaches), but also as people who suffer from mental health challenges such as depression. I think you’ll find this very eye opening. Listen now!   Shownotes: (5:30) Introduction Will Vanderveer (7:20) Covid-19 Crisis (9:10) About Integrative Care and Integrative psychiatry (14:20) Differences between Mental Health and Physical health professionals (32:30) The impact of childhood trauma on health and recommendations (39:10) Research on psychedelics as treatment (51:40) The importance of the right guidance on psychedelic treatments (56:25) How we are treating mental health on this day and age (1:04:30) Action Step   Useful Links: https://psychiatrycenters.com/ https://psychiatryinstitute.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Have you let someone know how you are lately? How you really are? Because it’s okay to not be okay right now. I encourage you to be more honest with yourself and your friends and family when we all share how we’re holding up in this uncertain world. How did they handle your truth? In this podcast, I check in with you and share 3 tips on how to face interpersonal stress and conflict and only get stronger from it. This is good advice anytime of year, but especially now when our relationships are experiencing way more stress than normal. Because we all crave human contact, but what happens when we’re constantly in close quarters with people? Or all by ourselves? Stress and conflict, that’s what. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Please listen and start taking action now to better your situation tomorrow. And, as always, share with someone you know who is struggling.   Shownotes:   (5:30) Introduction Will Vanderveer (7:20) Covid-19 Crisis (9:10) About Integrative Care and Integrative psychiatry (14:20) Differences between Mental Health and Physical health professionals (32:30) The impact of childhood trauma on health and recommendations (39:10) Research on psychedelics as treatment (51:40) The importance of the right guidance on psychedelic treatments (56:25) How we are treating mental health on this day and age (1:04:30) Action Step   Useful Links: https://psychiatrycenters.com/ https://psychiatryinstitute.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Depending on your situation, the pandemic and economic uncertainty can leave any “normal” person feeling out of control, overwhelmed, or afraid. So, here is a great interview with my friend who is a skilled meditation instructor. Cory walks you through a simple process you can do in 5-10 minutes that will help you calm down and regain control of your thinking and your emotions. Please listen and/or forward to someone you know who is struggling.   Shownotes:   (3:20) Introduction Cory Muscara (15:50) Looking for answers in the wrong people (19:55) Core teachings at Cory’s retreats (23:05) Meditation practice to achieve an internal sense of safety on these difficult times (35:10) Reviewing the 5 steps to work on our fears and frustrations (39:15) How this meditation practices help you be more proactive with your situation (43:25) Self-acceptance vs. self-mastery (50:35) Explaining the concept of “Developing/cultivating a witness” (59:25) Final advice from Cory (1:03:30) Action Step   Useful Links: https://www.corymuscara.com/ Cory's instagram For more free resources and recommendations, text your email address: (+1) 6314054631 http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Word is that child abuse and domestic violence are on the rise right now due to people being stuck at home. And, if China is any indication, divorce could increase a lot once we are through this. “Shelter in place” is a great move with a big downside for some people. If you are stuck at home with people that are difficult, including a roommate or partner, lockdown isn’t that fun. In fact, it can bring out the worst in us. So, my wife and I thought we’d record a short podcast with some tips for couples who are feeling stuck at home Plus, if you have children, there’s a bonus section at the end of this podcast with my kids!   Useful Links: Send your podcast questions: [email protected] http://relationshipschool.com/community

This is an extremely intimate and powerful episode with world-renowned speaker Philip McKernan. He asks you 2 questions that can completely change how you show up right now during this global crisis. I’ve been reflecting on these 2 questions since our interview. They are deep, very personal, and helpful. Listen below.   Shownotes:   (4:25) Introduction Philip McKernan (7:50) Orienting yourself in times of crisis (10:55) How difficult times can make you change your perspective (14:20) Asking yourself “Who are you going to be during this crisis” (19:20) Dealing with your anxiety (20:50) How difficult times can help you grow (26:40) Making better choices to overcome crisis (29:35) Should you compare yourself to other people? (34:30) What can you do to accept yourself as you are (39:30) Self-development during difficult times (44:40) Stop making everything about you (49:50) Making and impact by being your true self (59:15) Advice for therapists and coaches helping others (1:05:50) Action Step   Useful Links:   https://onelasttalk.com/the-book/ https://philipmckernan.com/

In this episode we talk briefly about fear and how to deal with it. http://relationshipschool.com/connected

I think you’ll find this podcast interview very helpful right now. It’s a good reminder of how to work through adversity. My guest is Mark Divine, a former Navy Seal. This guy’s a machine and doing so much good in the world right now. Pay special attention to how he got into the Navy Seals. There are some good lessons that will help you be stronger right now.   Shownotes: (5:10) Introduction Mark Divine (9:45) Getting into the navy seals (16:45) Meditation Breathing advice (20:40) The importance of training your thoughts and calm your mind (26:45) Using meditation to pinpoint and solving inner problems (36:15) Dealing with problems and staying focused on your mission (42:00) Why people struggle with their own minds (46:35) How young people can become more resilient on adversity (50:20) The implications of cutting corners (56:35) Self-mastery vs Self-Acceptance (1:08:15) Action Step Useful Links: https://markdivine.com/ https://staringdownthewolf.com/code-home https://www.amazon.com/Staring-Down-Wolf-Leadership-Commitments/dp/1250231582 https://unbeatablemind.com/about-mark-divine/ https://sealfit.com/  

Are you practicing social distancing? How are you doing this without being a jerk? BOUNDARIES. :)  Here are a few simple tips and my thoughts on how we can stay connected during this crisis. These are intense times and I encourage you to stay at home and learn.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/connected https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/ https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/ Chris kresser- RHR: Everything You Need to Know about Coronavirus, with Dr. Ramzi Asfour https://chriskresser.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-coronavirus-with-dr-ramzi-asfour/ Sam Harris podcast - Making Sense https://samharris.org/podcasts/191-early-thoughts-pandemic/

I love teenagers! As you know I used you to work with troubled teens in a variety of settings, from drug treatment centers to wilderness therapy programs. I think to be skilled with teens requires some serious skill. That’s why I brought my friend Aaron Huey on the podcast to discuss how to deal with difficult teens. If you are not a parent, this will still be valuable as we discuss addiction, boundaries, and enabling, all issues that come up in adult relationships too. Listen now! Shownotes: (4:30) Introduction Aaron Huey (11:40) How people can get more empowered and overcome victimhood (16:20) Advice for parents of kids getting bullied (18:15) Exploring negative behaviors on teenagers (22:40) About parents expecting treatment centers to fix their kids behavior (26:15) Should we blame and call out parents? (28:50) Creating family behavior contracts (33:00) 4 things that families can do to prevent negative children’s behaviors and decisions (36:55) Why parents enable kids’ negative behavior (43:15) How mothers react different than fathers (48:55) Advice for teenagers struggling with addictions (1:00:00) https://firemountainprograms.com/ (1:05:35) Action Step Useful Links: https://firemountainprograms.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

In last week’s podcast, I answered the question people ask me all the time, “Is it okay to have expectations?”  I came up with 6 expectations that are reasonable to have in a partnership.  But it’s also important for us to discuss when it’s not okay or when it’s a bad idea to have expectations. I came up with 8 big ones that I DO NOT recommend.  The biggest one is expecting someone else to live according to your values. Ouch. People do this one all the time, including me! Doah!  Check out this week’s podcast to hear the other 7.  Enjoy   Shownotes:   (0:50) 8 unrealistic expectations (1:35) Expecting your partner to have your exact same values (4:55) Expecting your partner to look a certain way (7:15) Expecting your partner to have sex whenever you want (8:35) Expecting your partner to be available for you 100 % of the time (9:25) Expecting your partner to be everything for you (11:42) Expecting your partner to never be attracted to other people (12:35) Expecting your partner to never speak to people of the opposite sex (14:50) Expecting your partner to fill the hole around your self-worth (16:25) Action Step   Useful Links: Part 1: https://relationshipschool.site/podcast278 http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Is it okay to have expectations in relationships? My answer is nuanced. It’s a YES, and it’s a No. Listen to this short podcast and discover the six expectations that I think are totally reasonable to have in a relationship, especially a partnership. Shownotes:   (2:35) 6 reasonable expectations in relationships (4:50) Fairness (5:50) Feeling emotionally safe (7:35) Respect (8:50) Mutual Contribution (10:00) Solving problems together (11:05) Knowing and understanding each other (13:35) Action step   Useful Links:   https://relationshipschool.com/community

One of my mentors, Dan Siegel, is back on the podcast for his 3rd interview.  This time, we dive deep into attachment-based parenting. Dan’s work, which my wife and I study intently, is how I parent my own children. The cool thing about Dan is what a nerd he is around research-based approaches and information.  We cover the 4 S’s from his “Power of Showing Up” book. It’s so good.  Check it out and please apply this to your own parenting (if you are one).    Shownotes: 3:25: Introduction Dan Siegel 4:40: How kids’ behavior is different in this day and age. 7:30: New parenting challenges 14:15: About secure attachment 22:00: The 4 S’s 24:25:Safety 28:05: Seen 30:00 Soothe 31:10 Security 33:10 Attachment and parenting roles 38:10: Research about secure attachment in kids and adolescents 42:50: It’s possible to provide secure attachment even in parents who didn’t have it 45:40: Action step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected Dan Siegel's website The Power Of Showing Up Attachment from infancy to adulthood

I first got introduced to Ken Wilber when I was in grad school. The guy’s mind is insanely brilliant. He takes a lot of maps of human development and consciousness and weaves them together in what he calls integral theory. My guest on this week’s podcast is Keith Witt. He’s worked with Ken for years.  We dig into Relationships of course, but from an integral lens. I ask him about the common relationship dynamic where one person claims they are more “developed” than the other What do we do? Interesting answers to come. Check it out.   Shownotes:   4:35: Introduction Keith Witt 11:20: What is “Integral” 14:00 Looking at relationships in an Integral way 18:20 The importance of lines of development for relationships 29:30 How the adaptive unconscious interferes with your personal growth 37:20 How people can learn to be self-aware and evolve 45:10 Lines of development that can help you on long-term relationship USEFUL LINKS DR. Keith Witt Website Book: Shadow Light: Illuminations at the Edge of Darkness Book: Integral Mindfulness: Clueless to Dialed in - How Integral Mindful Living Makes Everything  Book: THE GIFT OF SHAME: Why We Need Shame and How To Use it To Love and Grow 100 reasons not to have the secret affair: Keith Witt at TEDxAmericanRiviera http://relationshipschool.com/connected  

If you or someone you love suffers from PTSD check this out.   According to the American Psychiatric Association, PTSD can be a disabling condition that impacts about 3.5 percent of U.S. adults. And women are twice as likely as men to have PTSD. Eeek.  Trauma is everywhere and I think most of us have experienced it at some point in our lives.  That’s why I like to interview folks on the subject.  My friend Arielle goes deep in this episode and defines both trauma and PTSD.    Shownotes: (3:15) Introduction Arielle Schwartz (12:05) The body vs the mind on personal growth (12:25) About PTSD (21:20) The importance of being present (28:55) How to know if you are experiencing PTSD (33:10) How to develop resiliency    https://drarielleschwartz.com/ 43:20) Action Step

Do you have needs? Do you own them? Or do you know you have needs, but then you get scared to ask for them to be met because you're afraid the other person will leave? Understandable. Most people are used to sequestering their needs in exchange for scraps of connection. Please don't do this.   I've done a lot of work with my own needs to determine that I do in fact have them in an adult partnership, and that i'm unwilling to not have them met. I'm also willing to offer these needs to my wife forever. Most people pretend they don't have needs in a partnership because being "needy" is bad in this culture.   But I'm here to let you know you have 4 needs that are not negotiable if you want to really go for it and create a secure partnership over time.   What are they? 1. Feeling safe 2. Feeling seen 3. Feeling soothed 4. Feeling supported/challenged   Think I'm crazy? Just listen as I unpack each one and I think you'll get the idea. Enjoy this short podcast episode and share with a friend who thinks they don't have needs! lol.   Shownotes:   (2:35) The 4 needs for security in a long-term relationship (4:20) How to recognize an insecure relationship (7:30) Feeling Safe (8:15) Feeling Seen (9:15) Feeling Soothed (10:20) Felling supported and challenged   Useful Links: Apply for our 9 month training (DPIR) Monogamy & the Smart Couple Facebook Group

What is men's work? Most people are unclear what this term means, but once you find out, you'll be cheering on men who are involved in it. In this podcast, I interview one of the key players in the largest men's organizations in the world. We cover some very intimate subjects, including #metoo, fatherhood, and the power of getting together as men.   Shownotes:   (3:35) Introduction (7:20) About Men’s Work (10:55) Male relationships inside a family (14:50) What is Men’s Work (20:10) How a man can get out of his “Boy code” programming. (25:40) How trauma causes addictions that keep you stuck (31:10) How Men’s Work is getting more Popular (37:50) Thoughts about the #MeToo movement (43:25) Boysen’s experience as a father https://mankindproject.org/ https://twitter.com/boysenh?lang=en (53:15) Action step  

Your closest relationships will end one day. Other than dying, do you know the 2 most common reasons relationships end? Listen here to find out and leave a comment below or in our FB group. This one can get people stirred up.   Shownotes: (1:55) 2 main reasons why relationships end (3:30) Outgrowing your partner (6:20) Not being able to handle yourself or your partner (11:20) “Falling out of love” Useful Links: https://www.facebook.com/groups/749008838533400/ https://relationshipschool.com/dpir/

Joan Borysenko is an amazing woman who has some wonderful life lessons around resiliency, making meaning, and developing safety in your relationship life. In this podcast, you'll learn how to dig deep into your self-belief, overcome victimhood, and increase connection. Joan's stories are an inspiring demonstration of the human spirit.   Shownotes: 4:40 Introduction Joan Borysenko 16:45 What makes people resilient in life 24:00 The importance of relationships for healing and growing 36:10 What makes a successful relationship 40:20 How to handle stress and frustration with your partner 47:00 Advice on how to get through difficult times in our lives 56:50 Raising kids in this day and age https://www.joanborysenko.com/ 1:04:45 Action step   Useful Links: https://www.joanborysenko.com/ Apply for our 9 month training (DPIR)   Free Gift from Joan Borysenko to Jayson's listeners: 3 Prescriptions for Love Medicine Mind Body Tools to Strengthen Self-Love and Self-Compassion, the Foundations of All Your Relationships.   Go to https://www.joanborysenko.com/other/lovemedicine/   And you'll be directed to the free gift.

Do you check your phone all day long? Have you ever tried to speak to someone about something important only to have them distracted by their phone or something else? It sucks. These days, we have endless distractions. So, how do we stay oriented to what matters, and how do we not let our business distract us away from the relationships we care most about? Well, I found someone who knows a lot about this stuff and interviewed him. His insights are a breath of fresh air. And, he says it's all about getting systematized and setting boundaries. Listen now.   Do you check your phone all day long? Have you ever tried to speak to someone about something important only to have them distracted by their phone or something else? It sucks. These days, we have endless distractions. So, how do we stay oriented to what matters, and how do we not let our business distract us away from the relationships we care most about? Well, I found someone who knows a lot about this stuff and interviewed him. His insights are a breath of fresh air. And, he says it's all about getting systematized and setting boundaries. Listen now. SHOWNOTES: (3:10) Introduction Nir Eyal (10:10) What it means to be “distracted” (14:50): Why we get distracted (22:30) Strategies how to get less distracted in our lives (35:05) Final advice: Planning to avoid distractions https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07SV4V6ZK/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0 (39:05) Action step  Useful Links:  https://www.nirandfar.com/ https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07SV4V6ZK/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0 https://www.nirandfar.com/indistractable/?utm_source=indistractable.com&utm_medium=redirect https://nirandfar.com/schedule-maker/ https://www.niandfar.com/distractions/ https://www.nirandfar.com/habits/ https://www.nirandfar.com/skill-of-the-future/  

Do you have someone in your life who when you try to help them, they just won't follow through? I mean, you have really good advice and insight, but it doesn't go anywhere. Or maybe you have a friend or family member that needs help but no matter how hard you try, they won't get help. If so, listen to this one. Shownotes: (2:30) How to help someone you care about who doesn’t listen to your advice (6:05) 2 Practical techniques to help others (11:30) Action Step https://lp.relationshipschool.com/yourfuture

At every stage, I've been a bit socially awkward. Yes, me, relationship guy gets socially awkward. I'm often more introverted than people think.   New social settings can create mild anxiety for me. Do you ever feel this? I think it's very normal.   And, what vibe do you put out with your body language at work? Home? With others? As we've talked about before, your face can suggest so many things to others, including threat. So, listen to this podcast as we dive into body language and being socially awkward. Listen now!   Shownotes:   (5:05) Introduction Vanessa Edwards (11:55) Advice for socially insecure teens (15:55) Thoughts about “Fake it, until you make it” (23:05) How to be more authentic with others regarding on how you feel (26:40) Research about the impact of body language and facial expressions on relationships (36:30) About loneliness in this age https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj9QBB4bNTv29f4oFIreNmw https://www.amazon.com/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards/dp/0399564489 https://www.scienceofpeople.com/courses/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cef35Fk7YD8 (43:05): Action Step

If you are thinking of divorce, you've probably spent hours analyzing things. I just want you to consider a few more points, just in case. Listen to this. Shownotes: (2:55) If you’re thinking of divorce (4:00) Look at the cost of a divorce (8:30) What are the benefits of a divorce for you and for others (13:25) https://relationshipschool.com/DPIR/

I received enough requests that it was time to do an interview on co-parenting and blended families. This is a great primer for you if you are in this situation.   The couple I interview has lived the experience. One is divorced. One is a spouse of a deceased partner. They blended their families together and it went super well! Their story is inspiring. Listen now!   Shownotes: (4:30) Introduction Tammy and Jay (8:00) How does a couple know when to merge their families (11:10) How to tell your kids if you want to merge families with someone (19:55) How to deal with conflicts with your co-parent (32:50) Last words about co-parenting (39:10) https://coparentinginternational.com/ (39:20) https://coparentinginternational.com/ (39:35) https://thestepmomconnection.com/ (40:50) Action Step

Have you ever tried to control your thoughts to no avail?   Do you have a critical voice judging you from the inside?   If so, I have great news. I interviewed the founder of ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) and he has a powerful method (and story) about how to change your mind. Listen now.   (5:45) Introduction Steven Hayes (15:05) How to correct the course of people's lives in a positive way (24:00) How to transcend the victim mentality (32:35) Learning to love yourself by yourself and with help of others (39:20) Acceptance and commitment therapy (45:10) Why challenge is beneficial in our lives (51:00) Working on your blind spots (1:01:15) First steps to start working on yourself (1:06:00) https://stevenchayes.com/ (1:06:40) https://contextualscience.org/civicrm/profile?gid=17&reset=1&force=1 (1:09:40) Action step

Here in Boulder Colorado there are a lot of spiritual people doing great, deep, spiritual work.   But does it translate into relational development?   Listen to my take in this episode. (2:42) Relational and Spiritual Development episodes https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/why-spiritually-developed-people-struggle-with-monogamy-ellen-and-jayson-sc-176/ https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/relationship-problems-in-spiritual-communities-gabrielle-ted-usatynski-smart-couple-podcast-224/ https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/spirituality-and-relationships/ (3:25) Spiritual Development vs. Relational Development

Want to help couples better? Want to learn about the real issue in your partnership? This interview will shed some serious light on what's below all the surface fights. If you like attachment science, you'll love this one.   Shownotes: (3:45) Introduction Sue Johnson (19:30) Sue’s experience of attachment in a community (21:39) Reading emotional cues in relationships to find problems (30:35) Helping couples by showing them their own dynamics when fighting (39:25) Understanding love through attachment science (42:10) How EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) can help you (48:10) Final words about love and relationships (51:50) http://drsuejohnson.com/ (51:55) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeEyuM2qJHNyBEuIMV3bC7w (52:45) Action step

Feeling seen is one of the 4 core needs in a partnership. However, what does that mean and how do we do that?   What if we don't feel safe? What if we don't know how?   Listen to this. I think it will help.   Shownotes:   (2:05) What does “Being seen” mean (3:20) Why a lot of people close up and hide parts of themselves (4:50) Confronting our “Dark side” in long-term relationships (7:30) Settling for feeling seen, but not being accepted

Women ask me all the time, "How do I get him to open up?" It's an important question as some of us guys are pretty emotionally jammed up. But there are a few things you can do to help, without feeling resentful. Listen in!   Shownotes: (3:55) Introduction Shana James (10:20) Why she decided to work helping men (18:50) Safety and sex in relationships (27:00) Having honest and open conversations with our partners (31:35) How women can understand men in their lives. (36:55) How women can help men solve some of their problems in bed (40:00) First steps on how to have transparent conversations with our partners (46:00) Women being labeled as “Too emotional” (51:50) Bringing hope to people about relationships in their lives (57:15) Action Step

Years ago, I watched a woman re-pattern a baby's movements after a tough Caesarean birth. It was so powerful. It all happened in a few minutes. She was a baby whisperer. Turns out this woman is quite the healer. From tantra facilitator to couples therapist, Annie Brooke has some serious skills. I've had sessions with her, and my son did a water session with her when he was six months old. I think you'll like this interview I recently did with her. We covered a ton of ground. Conflict, attachment, and the satisfaction cycle.   Shownotes: (3:50) Introduction Annie Brook (15:20) About attachment and the Mother-Children relationship 23:50) The importance of movement in self-awareness practices (27:50) About the satisfaction cycle on adult partnerships dynamics (34:30 How attachment cycles of our childhood affect our present (36:00) Spaces in couples during conflict or disagreements (40:20) Recreating relationships over time (42:45) About open marriage and polyamorous relationships (50:25) About co-regulation 1:02:30 Action Step

Recently I interviewed my friend Joanna Shakti on masculine/feminine energy.   Some people get pretty triggered with these terms, but I think they are quite useful, so long as we tease them apart from gender.   Regardless, there's a lot of great stuff in this interview about polarity, sexual chemistry, and how one woman turned her "energy" around and found a different level of love.   Plus, there are 4 questions you can ask to see where you fall on the masculine/feminine spectrum. Listen now...     Shownotes:   (4:30) Introduction Joanna Shakti (13:30) What is masculine and feminine energy (17:05) How unbalanced masculine and feminine energy can cause frustration (22:50) Practical steps to start working on this part of you (28:10) How your energy can attract people on the opposite side of the spectrum (35:00) Sex in long term relationships (41:35) Scheduled sex (43:20) Opening a marriage and having sex with other people (44:30) Short advice for women who struggle with having orgasms (47:33) Advice for people who have same energy (Masculine – Feminine) (51:40) Final advice (55:35) Action Step