The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

A brave, smart couple shares their darkest period and how they worked through it. Anyone who has been married for a few years and then adds in a child to the mix will pretty much get rocked. Tripp (host of The New Man Podcast: Beyond the Macho Jerk and the New Age Wimp) and Alyson (psychotherapist, relationship coach) share what happened and how they got through it. From their day-to-day check-ins, emotional distance, and meltdowns to transforming their sex life after kids, we imagine you’ll be amazed and inspired, and hopefully you will walk away with some actionable practices you can implement in your own relationship.  Timestamps: 7:40 - Guest introductions 10:08 - How did Tripp and Alyson meet? 22:23 - How to deal with it when things are "off" 28:09 - Learning from conflict 31:55 - Learning curiousity 32:40 - Challenging moments 50:53 - Advice for getting through hard times 1:01:03 - How to keep your sex life alive 1:21:10 - Where to find Alyson and Tripp 1:22:47 - Action steps   Links: The New Man Podcast: Beyond the Macho Jerk and the New Age Wimp AlysonLanier.com TrippLanier.com Apply to Relationship Coach Training Enroll in Relationship Mastery Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Join Jayson and Ellen’s in-depth chat as they talk through listeners' questions in this Ask me Anything episode. Betty asks about a tough financial situation, Jean is looking for tips on how to break the toxic cycle of always being told it's your fault by their partner, Christy is struggling to differentiate between love addiction and being in love, and Alyssia is looking for advice on how to handle mixed messages. Tune in as they offer guidance on creating a strong foundation based on mutual respect to build healthy and fulfilling relationships. Timestamps: 1:12 - Financial conversations 14:05 - Space in a relationship 17:40 - Love addiction vs. being in love 29:23 - Mixed messages Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training Enroll in Relationship Mastery The Most Important Question To Ask To Determine If You Are Compatible - Jayson & Ellen - 372 Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Join Coleman Hughes and Jayson as they discuss the multifaceted aspects of the anti-racist movement, evaluating its progress and identifying areas of improvement. Coleman Hughes is a writer, musician, opinion columnist, and host of the popular podcast Conversations with Coleman. His work focuses on race, public policy, and applied ethics. Through this engaging discussion, they strive to foster meaningful conversations, challenge assumptions, and pave the way for a more inclusive and harmonious society.  You won't want to miss this episode, so tune in now. Timestamps: 4:19 - Who is Coleman Hughes? 5:46 - Jayson's past exploring different viewpoints 8:48 - How does Coleman think about race? 12:29 - Anti-racist thought leaders, past and present 16:09 - The impact of social media 21:25 - Has the modern anti-racist movement made progress? 26:00 - How do we deal with racism? 30:19 - Root causes 36:04 - Tribalism 43:51 - Coleman's advice for white people 50:47 - Affirmative action 53:14 - Positive vs negative life outlooks 56:48 - Coleman's advice for highschool students 58:47 - Action steps Links: colemanhughes.org twitter.com/coldxman youtube.com/@ColemanHughesOfficial Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Enroll in Relationship Mastery Apply to Relationship Coach Training Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Why do people hesitate to speak up in relationships? And how do you speak up  if you are unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship?  Why do you even need to speak up at that point, right? Many of us fear conflict and believe that speaking up will only make things worse. But let's challenge that notion. Is it a good enough reason to keep your thoughts and feelings hidden? The answer is a resounding no. The truth is, when we don't speak up, resentment builds. We start to feel a boundary being crossed, and instead of addressing it, we silently grow more and more frustrated. This is often seen in long-term partnerships and marriages, where uncomfortable topics are swept under the rug, creating a cage of unspoken truths. In the workplace, not speaking up can have its consequences too. You may find yourself seeking validation from others who share your frustrations, creating triangles that only reinforce your silence. It's time to break free from this cycle. In this episode Jayson and Ellen encourage you to find your voice, to share your truth, and to express your needs and desires. It's about reclaiming your power in relationships and fostering an environment where both partners have equal say, share leadership, and value each other's perspectives. It's time to speak up and create a foundation of trust, understanding, and genuine connection. Join us and discover the freedom and fulfillment that comes with being true to yourself. Timestamps: 2:54 - Why don't people in unhappy relationships speak up? 8:43 - The cost of not speaking up at work 13:47 - The self-betrayal of not speaking up 23:08 - How to start the conversation about holding back 30:00 - Setting boundaries with family 32:52 - Setting boundaries in the workplace 36:21 - Action steps Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Enroll in Relationship Mastery Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook  

Are you tired of feeling unfulfilled in your relationships or like something is missing from your life? Have you achieved success and acquired material possessions, yet still long for a deeper sense of happiness and purpose? It's time to shift your perspective and embrace a new way of approaching relationships. This episode explores Jayson's journey of self-discovery after embracing Buddhism's core teachings. He realized that relationships are about more than just happiness or meeting needs. Instead, they offer a path to wholeness and freedom. It is your relationships that can serve as catalysts for your personal growth and ultimate liberation. Now it's your turn to learn how to become a more authentic version of yourself by joining the transformational adventure. Imagine seeing your relationships as pathways to self-discovery and fulfillment, where every interaction is an opportunity for personal growth. Whether you are single, married, or have children, this episode will help you unlock the hidden potential within your most profound relationships. In addition to giving you an understanding of how life works, it will also teach you how to navigate its challenges gracefully and resiliently. Are you ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and embrace your Relationships As A Personal Development Path? Consider joining Jayson on his upcoming 2-day retreat and unlocking the transformative power of your most important connections. Your hero's journey awaits. To learn more and deepen your understanding of Relationship As A Personal Development Path visit relationshipschool.com/path and stay tuned for more information at the end of our episode. Timestamps: 3:45 - Do you like who you are? 5:08 - Using high stakes relationships as a tool for personal development 8:28 - Religion and other spiritual frameworks 16:52 - Relationship as a spiritual path 21:03 - Action step Links: Live 2-Day Virtual Retreat: Relationship As A Personal Development Path Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Enroll in Relationship Mastery

Unsure why certain interactions with loved ones get you so upset? Ever struggle to relate to the hardship of others? Psychotherapist Sharon Stanley says the issue could be trauma, trauma you may not even be aware you have. Once we assess our own trauma we can begin exercising our senses and become more compassionate to others. According to Sharon, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to consider the pain in our pasts, only then can we embody true empathy! Timestamps: 5:56 - How Sharon became interested in trauma 9:16 - What is it like to work with trauma? 14:08 - How does being present help treat trauma? 23:34 - The cost of not dealing with trauma 28:04 - Childhood neglect and trauma 33:42 - Issues caused by trauma 37:31 - Sharon's advice for young people 39:52 - Action step Links: Sharon Stanley’s Website & Info on Somatic Transformation  Book: Relational and Body-Centered Practices for Healing Trauma: Lifting the Burdens of the Past Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Apply to Relationship Coach Training

Most people have a little bit of codependency going on. However, if you have a relationship that is based on codependency, you're probably feeling insecure and frustrated. In this episode, Jayson covers the signs and symptoms of codependency, the history of the term, how it "works" and what to do about it. You'll want to check this out! To sign up for our next Masterclass click HERE. Timestamps: 4:03 - What is codependency? 11:36 - Signs you might be experiencing codependency 16:21 - What are you getting out of hurtful relationship patterns? 18:24 - Increasing your self worth 20:00 - Other ways to do relationship 22:04 - Take action Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Masterclass

Renowned relationship expert, Stan Tatkin, joins Jayson and Ellen in discussing the concept of secure functioning and how it can transform your partnership. Introducing "In Each Other’s Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them" This is not your typical self-help book filled with abstract theories and jargon. Instead, it offers practical guidance and actionable steps to help you and your partner thrive. Join us as we break down the complexities of couples therapy, emphasizing the importance of immediate action to stop the damage before delving into long-term growth. Witness the power of small agreements and the transformative potential of finding relief and care in each other. Gain insights into the mindset shift required to build a thriving relationship and move beyond self-centeredness towards genuine connection. Don't miss out on this enlightening episode that challenges conventional wisdom and offers practical strategies for building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Timestamps: 4:37 - In Each Other's Care 6:59 - Vertical learning 12:56 - Building containers 22:28 - Stop it or do it 30:34 - What to do about threat buildup 36:30 - Needing space vs. needing to talk 43:09 - Couples therapy vs. individual therapy 46:44 - Do attachment styles change over time? 54:13 - Commitment 59:01 - Stan's advice for high school kids Links: The Pact Institute In Each Other’s Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Enroll in Relationship Mastery U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720 704 4850

On this AMA episode we tackle important questions from listeners. Inna is dealing with her boyfriend's anger issues and wonders if breaking up is the only solution. Kendra seeks advice on how to handle criticism from her husband. Stay tuned as Jayson and Ellen answer more insightful questions and offer guidance on building healthy and fulfilling relationships. Timestamps: 1:37 - Dealing with an angry partner 13:21 - Receiving criticism 25:48 - Not asking our partner questions Links: Transcript Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Apply to Relationship Coach Training Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50"

This podcast comes from a blog post Jayson wrote for Elephant Journal where he polled over 200 women on his social media channels with this question: Hetero-women: “What are you wanting from us men in the context of an intimate, monogamous partnership?” Over 200 women responded. It was an emotional read. So, guys, listen up and take notes. Timestamps: 2:02 - The top 6 things women want from men 3:46 - Willingness 5:02 - Emotional availability and vulnerability 7:12 - Presence 9:42 - Honesty 11:08 - Safety 12:09 - Self awareness 14:24 - Action step Links: Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" 3 Types of Men in Partnership, Which One Are You? – Relationship School Podcast #230 For Men Who Have a Closed or Guarded Heart – Relationship School Podcast # 231 Toxic Masculinity & Male Sexuality – Relationship School Podcast # 233 The Relationship School The top 6 things women want from men (Advice from over 200 women)

Do you ever wonder if your relationship pain guides you deeper into whatever you need to heal yourself?  What kind of relationship do you have with God? With reality?  In this explorative and enlightening interview, Andrew Harvey explores how to create evolutionary love that is much bigger than the "you" you know yourself to be. Hang on tight for a mind-blowing ride as Andrew shares his perspective on how relationship work is sacred. He also shares how it serves your soul's calling.  Tune in and feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, and experience in the comments. Timestamps: Andrew’s definition of true love [11:00] Why is love hard? [12:00] 3 ways to build and cultivate true love [14:00] ‘The shadow’ and an exercise in shadow-work [22:00] Taking responsibility for disowned parts of yourself [29:00] Advice about purpose for when you’re feeling lost in life [30:00] The role of suffering on a spiritual path [40:00] A quote by Rumi [42:00] What is the most important thing people need to learn in relationship? [44:00] Links: Andrew’s website Book: Evolutionary Love Relationships Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Apply to Relationship Coach Training  

Want to know one tip that most of us avoid or don't execute well so you can have a sexy and powerful partnership that lasts? It isn't going on more dates, and it isn't getting really good at repair. Find out how to transform your romantic relationship with Jayson and Ellen in this week's episode, and leave a comment below with your response/experience. Timestamps: 1:43 - 1 tip to have a sexy, powerful partnership over time 5:11 - What's holding couples back? 9:19 - Having a plan 15:54 - What does co-creation mean? Links: Transcript Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720 704 4850

Jayson and Ellen discuss when couples should seek individual help versus working together with a coach or therapist, and how to use a coach/therapist to address relationship issues. Timestamps: 0:58 - Individual coaching/therapy vs. couples coaching/therapy 9:53 - Best way to use an individual coach/therapist to help with relationship problems 13:38 - When does individual work make sense? 15:45 - Should a practitioner see couples and individuals? 21:38 - Recomendations Links: Transcript Hire Ellen for relationship therapy & couples coaching Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720 704 4850

Do you find the psychology of extreme athletes and their relationships fascinating? Are you curious about what motivates climbers and mountaineers to push themselves to the limit and risk it all? Are you a creative and could you use some tips on how to follow your creative spirit?  If so, you won't want to miss this interview with Emmy-winning American filmmaker Peter Mortmier, who shares his unique perspective on relationships. Jayson's experience as an extreme athlete and a therapist allows him to gain a unique insight into extreme athletes' psychology. In their conversation, they discuss the reasons why climbers push themselves to the edge, the deeper experiences they seek, and the heightened awareness they gain through their adventures. Discover the psychology of extreme athletes, as well as insights into the mind of a brilliant creator in this unforgettable episode. Timestamps: 0:55 - Guest introduction 10:50 - The Alpinist 36:00 - What motivates women who climb? 39:00 - Reel Rock 17 44:45 - How Pete thinks about the creative process 50:40 - Pete's advice to stuck creatives Links: Watch Reel Rock 17 Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Apply to Relationship Coach Training Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Enroll in Relationship Mastery

Would you change if someone asked you to? Asking people to change is common human behavior, but it can be problematic in our most intimate relationships, such as those with our children, parents, and partners. Tune in to this week's episode to hear Jayson's thoughts on his Instagram DMs and asking people to change. Timestamps: 1:50 - Why asking others to change is problematic 16:37 - Q&A with Jayson Links: Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email

Why are women-run companies more successful than male-run companies? If you are a woman, do you ever feel like the workplace is unfair? How often? This interview was completely eye-opening for Jayson, and very humbling, and we invite you to tune in.  Timestamps: 1:00 - Guest introduction 6:02 - How Julia decided to focus on gender differences in When Women Lead 9:36 - Julia's career so far 13:20 - What statistics say about inequality 31:07 - The benefits when women lead companies 39:53 - Do women need to adopt stereotypically masculine traits to succeed? Links: Julia’s website Take the empathy test (“reading the minds eye test”) Follow Julia on  Instagram @juliaboorstin  Twitter @jboorstin LinkedIn @Julia Boorstin Buy Julia’s book → When Women Lead Review Julia’s Recommended Reading & Resources CNBC Disruptor 50 (an annual list she oversees, highlighting the private companies transforming the economy and challenging companies in established industries).  Stay Tuned…The Future of TV (documentary) Closing the Gap (initiative covering closing gender gaps) Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email

In this episode, Jayson shares his personal experience living with this mentality around partnerships/relationships for years. He unpacks what this mindset is really about and what you can do to get through it, which could potentially reframe your experience and help you commit to the one you’re with. Timestamps: 1:56 - The grass is greener mentality 5:42 - Two factors that contribute to the grass is greener mentality 13:05 - When is the grass actually greener? 18:37 - Jayson's personal experiance Links: Episode's Transcript Ep 18 – How Therapist Bruce Tift Helped Me Have the Balls to Marry My Wife Ep 31 – 2 Valid Reasons For Divorce Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Apply to Relationship Coach Training

What is my life's purpose?  How can I find health and happiness?  Many of us ask these common questions and Dr. John Demartini, one of Jayson’s mentors, shares his thoughts with us. Dr. Demartini is a polymath with four decades of research and expertise exploring over 200 disciplines in pursuit of what he calls the Universal Principles of Life and Health. In addition to his work as a researcher and best-selling author, Dr. Demartini travels the globe as an international educator/speaker. This episode traverses the great plains of modern medicine to symptomatology, enlightenment to reincarnation, cryptocurrency to financial advice, and the interpersonal/relational aspects of our human experiences.  Tune in to this week’s episode to learn from this incredible man. Timestamps: What we do vs. what we say [8:30] What’s your strategy for achieving your goals? [11:30] So you think your job sucks, but does it really? [16:30] Illness, symptoms, and the mind [18:30] Thoughts on reincarnation [24:30] Demartini’s theories on the rise in autoimmune disease [30:30] Is social media making us physically ill? [32:30] Demartini’s opinions on Attachment Theory [36:30] No such thing as a dysfunctional family [45:00] Beware of the “all-enlightened” person [49:00] Can we train our bodies to sleep less? [1:10:00] Cryptocurrencies and financial advice [1:14:00]   Links: Dr. John Demartini’s website The Breakthrough Experience Dr. John Demartini on iTunes Keys to Mastering Relationships & Life with Dr. John Demartini Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Enroll in Relationship Mastery Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50"

If you plan on getting married, make sure you are willing to do these three things... You won't want to miss this.   Timestamps: 0:57 - Don’t get married unless… 2:58 - How should we define success in marriage? 5:34 - Only get married if you do these 3 things 11:07 - Takeaway Links: Read the transcript to this episode here Loneliness, Social Isolation And Living Alone – Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad – 301 Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Masterclass Library

On this week’s episode we speak with relationship coach, author, TedX speaker, and host of the Man Alive podcast, Shana James about her newly released book, Honest Sex. We explore the intersection of sex, spirituality, authentic relating, and creativity, and she offers her expanded definition of sex: Tune in to learn about co-creating a deepened honesty to enhance sexual and relational connection/gratification. Timestamps: 0:59 - Guest introduction 2:07 - Interview 5:56 - Sexual creativity 15:07 - Fast food sex 23:05 - When should parents talk to kids about sex? 29:54 - Dealing with sexual differences 36:00 - Exercises for couples Useful Links: Shana’s website New book: Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive (get chapter 6 for free) Podcast: Man Alive Podcast Instagram: @shanajames Facebook: @truesuccessformen TRS Podcast episode 348: Men, Pleasure, and Power with Shana James TRS Podcast episode 258: How Does a Woman Help a Man Open Up and Do His Inner Work? with Shana James  TRS Podcast episode 110: The Healing Power of Touch with Betty Martin TEDx Talk: What 1000 Men's Tears Reveal About the Crisis Between Men and Women How To Play The Three Minute Game Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Masterclass Library  

Jayson and Ellen discuss relationship skills we should learn (e.g. face reading, empathy, conflict resolution). There's no doubt that we have the capacity to have good relationships, because we know we're innately capable of being loving parents, partners, and positive citizens - that's what we're meant to be as humans - but cultivating our relational capacities is actually a developmental achievement and essential ingredient for health and wellness. Timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 1:46 - Relationship as a skill 14:38 - Why is a growth mindset important? 23:07 - Therapy clients vs. coaching clients 31:54 - Action step Useful Links: Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50"

On this week's podcast, we are joined by Daniel Maté.  In addition to co-writing recent New York Times bestseller The Myth of Normal with his father, Dr. Gabor Maté, Daniel is a composer, lyricist, playwright, podcaster, artist, musician, and mental chiropractor - a current day renaissance man.   Hear about how Daniel relates to his father, his experience growing up with Maté privilege, and how he contextualizes the complexities of the parent-child relationship psychologically while providing us with insightful reframes that speak to how we relate to our parents as adults. A few quotes from the book we feel compelled to share with you in hopes of inspiring you to read/listen to the book: “Trauma, until we work it through, keeps us stuck in the past, robbing us of the present moment’s riches, limiting who we can be.” “What joys have you denied yourself out of a belief that you don’t deserve them, or out of a conditioned fear that they’ll be snatched away?” “Whether we realize it or not, it is our woundedness, or how we cope with it, that dictates much of our behavior, shapes our social habits, and informs our ways of thinking about the world.” “Time after time it was the “nice” people, the ones who compulsively put other’s expectations and needs ahead of their own and who repressed their so-called negative emotions, who showed up with chronic illness in my family practice, or who came under my care at the hospital palliative ward I directed.” “Chronic rage, by contrast, floods the system with stress hormones long past the allotted time. Over the long term, such a hormonal surplus, whatever may have instigated it, can make us anxious or depressed; suppress immunity; promote inflammation; narrow blood vessels, promoting vascular disease throughout the body;” “It doesn’t matter whether we can point to other people who seem more traumatized than we are, for there is no comparing suffering. Nor is it appropriate to use our own trauma as a way of placing ourselves above others—“You haven’t suffered like I have”—or as a cudgel to beat back others’ legitimate grievances when we behave destructively. We each carry our wounds in our own way; there is neither sense nor value in gauging them against those of others.” “Like our other needs, meaning is an inherent expectation. Its denial has dire consequences. Far from a purely psychological need, our hormones and nervous systems clock its presence or absence. As a medical study in 2020 found, the "presence [of] and search for meaning in life are important for health and well-being." Simply put, the more meaningful you find your life, the better your measures of mental and physical health are likely to be.   Order The Myth of Normal:Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Maté & Daniel Maté here. Timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 2:41 - Daniel describes what he does 6:31 - Reawakening the inner artist 15:48 - Adult parent-child dynamics 34:21 - Special offers 35:34 - The Myth of Normal book 1:09:32 - Special offers Useful Links: Instagram @danielbmaté Daniel Mate's mental chiro website Dr. Gabor Maté’s website Instagram @gabormatéMD Order The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Maté & Daniel Maté here Listen to Daniel read The Myth of Normal on Audible Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720 704 4850 Apply to Relationship Coach Training  

April from Austin asks, “You’re always talking about ‘doing the work’; what does that mean? Also, dealing with ‘inner child work,’ does this mean getting a therapist?” Lance wonders, “When does inner child work end? And how do we know when it’s finished?”Tune in for another Ask Me Anything episode where Jayson answers listener questions. Want to submit a question? Leave a comment in our Facebook Support Group or on Instagram @jaysongaddis or @therelationshipschool   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com read the transcript here

In this week’s episode, Jayson interviews Connor Beaton, author of Men’s Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage and Find Freedom. He is the founder of Man Talks, a speaker, a business coach, a lifestyle entrepreneur, a former opera singer, and a husband and father. This episode speaks to the problem that many men experience while practicing vulnerability. Useful Links: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ https://instagram.com/mantalks/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Curtis asks, “In your expertise, do you perceive that attachment wounds and attachment styles are healed and transformed during partnership or outside of that? I’m curious to hear your thoughts because I’ve been doing a bit of research and finding different takes on it…” Another listener wonders if these phrases signal a lack of personal responsibility in a codependent relationship: “‘I can only feel okay when she (or he) is feeling okay,’ ‘I feel I need to make her (or him) happy,’ and ‘Happy wife, happy life’; how would an attachment framework view codependency?”.  Ellen and Jayson address how we can heal our attachment wounds/adapt our attachment styles, highlight how we impact one another, and discuss the importance of finding common ground to propel the relationship forward. Stay tuned to the end for your action steps.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Annie Lalla brings the heat in this magnificent episode chock-full of hacks, insights, self-empowerment, love, and wisdom. Damn, can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe common challenges many of us face with simple, detailed examples of ways we can work to transform ourselves and our relationships into the magic we long for. It’s a must-listen-to (probably two or three times), and if you’re a note-taker, you’re going to want to grab your journal. This one is a doozie. Useful Links: Annie Lalla's Website Annie's “True Love” Test Facebook - Jayson Gaddis Fan Page U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720-704-4852 https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

How can you be there for your partner when you need them to be there for you? How do you take care of your needs with a struggling partner who needs your support? Can you relate to sometimes having a hard time connecting with your partner—or having a hard time empathizing with them?  Please tune in to hear Jayson and Ellen share what it’s like to struggle with conflict during a stressful time. Their recent experience helps put struggle into a psychological/relational context to aid understanding and compassion for you and your partner.

As you were growing up, your parents/culture/church/community/friends influenced your values and the positive and negative experiences you had. In this week’s episode, learn a bit about Jayson’s Compass Exercise (featured in Chapter 8 of his book), a strategy to determine your values and the direction you’re headed in life. If you want to succeed with your New Year’s resolutions or your goals this year, tune in. Useful Links: Read the transcript for this episode https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Taber asks, “I’m an anxiously attached person and it’s become clear to me that it doesn’t work for me that my partner talks to another woman every day, behind my back. I have found proof that he has crossed the line with her before, and with anxious attachment I am not in a healthy enough place to accept him continuing friendship with this person. I’m welcoming advice on how to set this boundary for myself without just ending the relationship, and I certainly don’t want to give an ultimatum. I’m new to this and need to set my mind free.”  Lestie wonders, “What do you simply accept in a relationship in the other, as opposed to trying to change it? I.e., one of you is clean, the other is messy, one is punctual, other is never on time…  I’m having difficulty knowing what to and what not to address. I know Gottmans says 69% of issues in relationships aren’t resolved and it’s more about how you communicate about them than trying to change them, and where to draw the line? Some of these issues really bother me. I also tend to fall into the fixing role and can be a perfectionist, and I’m not wanting to do that in my relationship.” Angela asks, “Why do men view emotional development work as weak? I’m trying to put more insight into understanding this concept in society. I do understand society has had some old idealism about masculinity, not being in touch with emotions, and not being able to be as vulnerable because it’s seen as weakness, but I’d love to understand the depth of this and what’s really going on.”  Join Ellen and Jayson’s in-depth chat as they talk through your questions in this Ask me Anything episode unpacking boundaries, insecure attachment dynamics, acceptance, and the systemic effect that is at play with men and their emotional landscape.    Useful Links: Read the Episode 429's transcript here  https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Did you know how impactful our facial expressions and tone of voice are on our partner’s sense of safety? Have you ever wondered why you struggle to learn something new when you are stressed?  Do you wonder why you are (or your partner is) so damn sensitive? Well, there’s a scientific reason for all of this and in this week’s episode, Jayson interviews the man who developed the polyvagal theory. He’s a real pioneer and someone who cares a lot about you feeling safe—in life and in your relationships. Dr. Stephen Porges is about to give you a big download on the reasons you might not feel safe and what you can do about it. Bottom line? We cover the neuroscience of safe relationships and how to create them. Useful Links: www.stephenporges.com https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Nicole asks, “I found your interview with (Dan) Savage to be highly enlightening and incredibly emotional. As a married straight woman in a monogamous relationship with children, I felt very triggered by the concept of ‘enough’. Am I enough? I am constantly struggling to feel like I am enough of anything, and I feel like your podcast has started to help me feel settled into an idea that monogamy and marriage can provide enough for both partners, if it is viewed as a journey and a goal. This interview ripped open some pretty deep and vulnerable wounds surrounding being enough.”  Erica wonders, “I’ve been married to my husband for nine years and together for fourteen. Even in the beginning of our relationship the sex wasn’t as frequent as I’d have liked, so I had to. Now we’re married and I feel like the sissue is in the different sex drives continues to bother me. I just need to need more sex than he does. He knows that I wish he’d initiate sex more, and we’ve gone to many years of therapy. I fear this will never get better. Is it foolish to think my husband could change? Is it possible for men to become more assertive or change how often they need sex? I’m afraid to get divorced as we have a seven year old son, but I think i’m coming to terms with the fact that this issue isn’t going away as I continue to resent not feeling desired.” Tune in to hear Jayson unpack these poignant questions from fellow listeners. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Shavani asks, “Most times conflicts drain us of mental energy and time, even with both partners’ willingness to work through it. For me, conflict often takes hours of constant talking, fighting, and finally resolving. This is especially tough when work is involved that requires preparation and clarity. How do we work through conflict in a way that doesn’t impact other parts of our lives that are important for our personal growth and well-being?”  Kim wonders, “Have you ever covered sexual frequency in a marriage? He wants it WAY more because that’s how he thinks of connection, and I don’t want it nearly enough because he won’t open up, let me in, and connect on a deeper emotional level, so there is a constant struggle.”  Lilian is curious: “I have a dear friend that means well but always plays devil’s advocate when I come to her with a painful experience or when I need support. She says it’s because she’s a Libra. Where’s the line of calling your friend out on their B.S., and holding space for them with empathy in moments when they are experiencing pain?” Join Ellen and Jayson as they unpack listener questions regarding unresolved conflicts, sexual desire differences, and challenging friendships.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

“Any advice to get over a fear of dependency?” Amy wants to know. “Is it possible for one partner to be dependent, and the other to be independent? Does that change over time? What can I do when I get triggered by his independence?” asks @twopopcorn. “Therapists always say, ‘You’re responsible for meeting your own needs’...How do you allow yourself to depend on someone and also not expect someone to give you what you need?” Jean is curious about.  Join Jayson and Ellen for this follow-up AMA episode (inspired by Episode 423: Dependent, Independent, Interdependent) where they answer listener questions on dependency. Useful Links: Download the transcript of episode 425 here "Loneliness, Social Isolation, and Living Alone with Julianne Holt-Lundstad - Episode 301 (TRS Podcast) https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Want some help understanding what the opposite sex thinks and feels about being partners, parents, cohabitating, careers, etc.? Care to learn how to structure leadership equitably with your partner? Can you identify with stereotypical gender roles—specifically with couples who are also parents? Curious to learn why some men resist or devalue hands-on parenting? Join Jayson and Ellen as they unpack how gender roles play into your most intimate relationship, how they relate to our cultural landscape, and how to structure leadership/relate to each other as partners and co-parents. Useful Links: Download the transcript of episode 424 here https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

When you hear the word “dependency,” what does it conjure up for you? Feelings of resistance? Discomfort? Maybe a squirmy feeling? Or something more positive? Does it feel good for you to be needed?  When we first emerge into the world as infants, we are 100% dependent on our caregiver(s) for all our physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and relational needs. Our parents have been responsible for every one of our needs, day in and day out, for years. It is a biological imperative to attach to our caregiver (attachment figure), and it’s completely instinctual—it’s how a baby survives. Being someone’s attachment figure is incredibly demanding. Attachment science empirically speaks to the similarity between how a child attaches to a parent and how an adult attaches to their spouse, meaning our attachment figure changes from our parent to our significant other. However, your partner is not your caregiver… Contingent on your attachment style (anxious, avoidant, secure), it can become triggering to depend on or depend on someone else. Join Jayson and Ellen to better understand healthy and unhealthy dependency, normalize it, and even use our needs and dependence to deepen connection.  Useful Links: Download the transcript of this episode here https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

What lessons can families learn from businesses? Have you ever thought of formalizing your values as a family and creating a vision statement? Ellen and I had the privilege to chat with Chris and Melissa Smith, founders of Family Brand, and loving parents to five kids. We discuss what it’s like to have (and come from) an unusually large family, their near-divorce experience, and how they are now happier and stronger than ever before. They talk about why they founded Family Brand, and highlight the importance of working on oneself first and, and being very intentional with your commitment to your partner and parenting to co-create a brand unique to your family unit and why/how that’s helpful. Useful Links: Download the transcript of this episode here https://familybrand.com/ https://familybrand.com/podcast/ https://familybrand.com/quiz/ https://www.instagram.com/ourfamilybrand/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Do you find yourself in a relationship with someone who isn’t meeting you halfway? Are you curious to learn why your partner refuses to do their part of the work in the relationship? According to behavioral psychology, human beings are hedonistic. We prefer pleasure over pain, good over evil, comfortable over uncomfortable—even though  it is through discomfort that we grow. If you listen to the podcast, I consider you a growth/developmental-oriented person. If a non-growth/developmental-oriented person stays in a relationship with you long enough, they inevitably will bump up against discomfort and will do one of three things: run, check out, or sabotage. Tune in to this short episode to learn more about avoidance tactics, the number one reason your partner resists change, and the role shame plays in this dynamic. Useful Links: Download the transcript to Episode 421: The #1 Reason Your Partner Won't Do The Work https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Have you ever wondered if there was something you could do quickly when you were triggered and it just made everything better?  This week we’re joined by Spiritual Coach Mamoon Yusaf who gives us the elevator speech description of the Qu’ran and it’s deeper meaning). He shares his experience growing up in a posh British grammar school as a young Pakistani boy, becoming a Spiritual Coach, and awakening as a way of owning his feelings, the reactions that changed his life and his relationships for the better. But most importantly he shares a quick method to work through triggers. Useful Links: https://mamoonyusaf.com/ Sign up for updates here: 7207044852 my.community.com/jaysongaddis/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Are you a "dad to be," or are you already on the field but want to up your parenting game and become the kind of father and husband you always wanted to be (i.e., sincerely present and very engaged)? Buckle up for a candid, special, extra-long episode geared explicitly for dads with advice on pre-birth, birth (how to support the process and show up), and post-birth (notes on sleep, sex, healthy brain development, post-partum, technological considerations, carrying your child) and more. Useful Links: Download this episode's transcript here Sign up for updates here: 7207044852 my.community.com/jaysongaddis/ https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com Personality Disorders with Judith Pearson – Part 2 (Ep 418) Personality Disorder with Carolyn Bankston – Part 1 (Ep 410) How to Get Your Kids and Teens To Do What You Want and Need to do Without Fear and Bribes (Ep. 409) Boundaries & Other Tips for Brand New Parents with Tina Payne Bryson Why Your Kids Need You to Be In Charge with Kim John Payne 4 Non-Negotiable Needs Required for a Secure Partnership

By far the most important age to get parenting “right” is 0-3. This is when the “self” forms and if the primary caregiver (often the mother) is not well, major challenges will emerge in the child. If you have a complicated relationship with your parents or you are a new parent, this is a must listen. Useful Links: Send a text: 7207044852 my.community.com/jaysongaddis/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the grieving process just won’t quit? In this week’s episode Jayson coaches Kadri, who is struggling to get over a breakup that happened 15 months ago. Jayson suggests that we tend to repeat our patterns (like choosing a “healing” partner vs. a “feel good” partner) unless we fundamentally change something about who we are, and gain insight into why these patterns exist in the first place. Tune in to learn more about this and see if you can relate… Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rescue https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

This week my wife Ellen and I tackle a couple of your questions… Jennifer is curious about how to forgive ourselves when we relapse into old patterns…  Ashley asks us how self-centeredness is either useful or destructive… Brian inquires about confidence, and how to stand up for yourself respectfully… Hannah asks if and how there’s a right way to get back together with someone… Tune in to this week’s Ask Me Anything episode where we discuss  ghosting, being centered in a world out of balance, the importance of co-creating agreements in your relationships, and more.  Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Ever feel like you are the one overfunctioning in your relationship? Ever feel like you are “taking care” of your partner and they feel like a kid sometimes?  Listen to this week's episode to hear Jayson review and unpack this codependent couples session with Shannon and Matthew (or catch the episode on YouTube to see the action and better understand what their body language is saying). Useful Links: Text: 7207044852 -  my.community.com/jaysongaddis https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

This week I spoke with Debbie Reber, author, and founder of TILT Parenting which offers resources to parents of neurodiverse “differently wired” humans to help navigate these uncertain waters in a world where everything is biased towards “normal”. We speak about how ADHD is considered neurodiverse, and often oversimplified as someone who experiences challenges with their focus when in reality it includes challenges with emotional regulation, impulsivity, misreading social cues, and rejection sensitive dysphoria. We also learn about the Autism Spectrum, and some of the terminology like “twice exceptional”, “masking”, “high-functioning” and “Aspergers”. And, of course, we talk about neurotypical-neurodiverse relationships. Useful Links: https://tiltparenting.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Have you ever been advised by friends or family not to “settle” in your romantic partnership?  Did you ever consider why you may be settling, or have settled in the past? Do you believe in not settling because you’re waiting for “the one”? In this episode, I unpack “settling” and offer three essential ingredients I think it takes to make a relationship work day-to-day and in the long term. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Have you ever noticed how grief needs to be acknowledged? Have you experienced denying grief, running from it, or pushing it down? Can you identify the importance of role modeling for your kids to be grief-literate? This week on the podcast we chat with Sherry Walling, a clinical psychologist, author, and occasional circus artist enthusiast. Professionally, Sherry specialized in traumatic stress, but when her father passed away and her brother committed suicide, her professional and personal worlds collided as she navigates the painful waves of grief.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Are you someone drawn to helping others? Do you have codependent-ish tendencies? Have you always wanted to join a career that draws on your passion for helping others? Have you ever truly turned your pain into your purpose? Check out this episode as we explore these possibilities.  Apply here: https://relationshipschool.com/rct Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Do you know the difference between covert and overt narcissism?  Did you know that it's possible to resolve a personality disorder via relationship? Are you familiar with some of the dynamics in a partnership where one or both people have a personality disorder, and what is there for me to learn about myself and reflect on if I suspect I am such a partner? In this week’s episode I spoke with Carolyn Bankston, a clinical social worker who works with people with personality disorders. Bankston explains that a personality disorder is, at its root, an attachment wound born from a traumatic dynamic with one’s primary caregiver in the first three years of life. Carolyn shares with us the ways that a relationship is healing even under these pathological circumstances and speaks to the Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Personality Disorders in particular.    Useful Links: https://www.carolynbankston.com/ [email protected] 40769680800 https://internationalmastersoninstitute.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Ellen and I build on what we discussed in last week’s episode. We chat about the single most important family value to have and how it comes into play in how to get your kid to do what you need them to, without resorting to fear, manipulation, or bribery (whether you’re dealing with toddlers, teens, or any age in between). Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com