The Cancer Caregiver

Loving Kindness Meditation practice helps you cultivate unconditional love towards yourself and others. Listen to this podcast episode to understand what unconditional love is, how it’s probably already a big part of your caregiver DNA and why consciously working with it can make this ability stronger. Listen to episode #134 to get a better understanding of what unconditional love is and how your caregiving benefits from it.

Negative self talk and feeling resentful and angry are all part of the caregiving experience that we’d rather not talk about. Feeling inadequate and constantly going over our mistakes when things go wrong can hijack our day and keep us from feeling happiness. Would you like to find an easy way to.. Reduce body pain and migraines. Decrease stress and anxiety Slow biological decline Nuture strong relationships. Listen to episode 133 of the Love Your Caregiving Life Playlist to find out how.

We spend a lot of time wishing we were loved more, appreciated more, and seen. We base our future happiness on the health of the people we care for. How many times do you think or say that you’ll do something for yourself or feel happier once they recover or feel better? So we spend forever waiting because even if that day were to come we would probably push finding our own happiness to the side. We can’t base our happiness and our self-love on other people. Yes, people in our lives can bring us happiness. We feel good about ourselves when we feel we are truly seen by people. However, that happiness doesn’t last long. Somehow we have to find that happiness and love from within ourselves. Listen to this episode to learn how you can do that in 10 minutes a day.

You may not notice it… but you have strength that not everyone has. You continue when others would have just given up and you stay to help your loved one even when you feel like running away. I understand that thinking about setting boundaries can feel scary because you have to see who you are outside of caregiving… and for many of us, that means we’ll realize that we are lost. Finding yourself again could be the best adventure you ever go on. If you need a pep talk today listen to the episode “Caregiver strength you might not even know you have”

What do you do when you find yourself alone… with nothing to do and no one to interact with? Do you pick up your phone and scroll through social media or play a game? Do you grab a book or magazine or start to write down a list of things you need to do? It’s awkward isn’t it? When you find yourself alone with just your thoughts it feels uncomfortable to sit with them. Sometimes it hurts to sit in silence because it forces you to see what your reality is. Maybe your world is always so loud that the silence itself hurts your ears. Listen to hear more on how difficult being still can be and why you really need it in your life right now. Don’t forget to download your free issue of Caregiving Confessions! It’s the digital magazine for caregivers you always wanted.

Does it make you cringe when you say no to someone? If you know the right thing is to say no do you try to find ways to not even have that conversation because it’s stressing you out? Do you say yes because saying no feels too hard even though you know it’s the right thing? Listen to episode ## of the Love Your Caregiving Life podcast and learn how to say no so you can start to say yes to yourself.

Do you find it hard to separate your interest, needs and feelings from the person you care for? Do you feel like you’re lost and don’t know who you really are anymore? Listen to learn What do boundaries mean to you How to set meaningful limits so you make your needs a priority again. Learning when to say no and yes to things The importance of a boundary buddy. Have questions? Want to work on boundary setting more but don’t know where to start? The October issue of Caregiving Confessions is all about boundary setting, how to say no and where to find the inner strength to create a life you actually enjoy living. Find more info at https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions

You’ve lost a lot more than you probably realize now that you’re a caregiver. Listen to this episode of the Love Your Caregiving Life podcast and see what losses we’ve all encountered and how to get through the grief without any more shame or regret. Learn how to heal without making the emotions small or unimportant. You deserve to be able to grieve without worrying others will think your loss is trivial. Find more support at https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Welcome to Part 4 of the Caregiver Self-Care summer series where I take you back to the 4 most important episodes on self-care for caregivers. If you are just finding this for the first time please consider going back and starting with episode 123 as these episodes all build off of each other. If you’ve been following along all month long welcome to the last part of the series! In this episode I take you through the same process I take my clients through in finding out what kind of self-care works for them and how to implement it into their lives. So grab a notebook or if you’re already subscribed to Caregiving Confessions this will all be included in the September Self-Care issue. Caregiving Confessions is a digital magazine for caregivers that not only gives you tools to help you enjoy your caregiving life more but it’s a way for all of us to see and hear that we aren’t alone. Each month we get together in a live session to talk about the main topic of each issue and September will be focused on answering your self-care questions and helping you through any difficulty you might have in making self-care a part of your life. So join us at loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions. Now let’s get on with making self-care a reality for you!

The focus of this episode is focusing on prioritizing yourself and creating boundaries. This is the next step in creating your own self-care plan and can prove to be one of the most difficult because it requires you to go from planning and thinking of doing something to acting on it. Along with the last 2 self-care tools you can try out. It’s also coming close to the time for the subscription cutoff for the September issue of Caregiving Confessions. The September issue of this digital magazine will focus on helping you find self-care that will actually work for you, fun ways to try new things out along the way and a live session with me to ask the questions you might have in finding a way to make self-care part of your day. Join before September 1st to get your hands on the self-care issue of Caregiving Confessions and access to the subscriber-only live session. www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions

Welcome to Part two of the Caregiver Self-Care summer series where I take you back to the 4 most important episodes on self-care for caregivers. If you listened to last week's episode you might have a new understanding of what self-care is. If you haven’t listened to it I suggest you start with that one first. You’re always told you should care for yourself but understanding why is what you might really need. Some days you really need to have a strong sense of why self-care matters to you. Listen to this episode to learn of the benefits of self-care why self-care should be important. Two new self-care tools to try This series will be continued into the September issue of Caregiving confessions the digital magazine for caregivers. If you haven’t subscribed find all the information at loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions. The September issue will expand on these self-care episodes will include a live session with me and other caregivers to answer your questions and connect.

Welcome to Part one of the Caregiver Self-Care summer series where I take you back to the 4 most important episodes on self-care for caregivers. I get that self-care can feel like it isn’t for you. You’ve been handed multiple lists of things you should be doing for yourself and people are always telling you that caring for yourself is important but the problem is no one has helped you figure out or understand what self-care actually is and what it can look like for you. Let’s talk about what self-care really is and look at two self-care tools that might actually work for you. This series will be continued into the September issue of Caregiving Confessions the digital magazine for caregivers. If you haven’t subscribed find all the information at loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions. The September issue will expand on these self-care episodes will include a live session with me and other caregivers to answer your questions and connect.

Welcome to the last part of The Things They Should Have Told You summer series where I take you back to the 4 most important episodes for caregivers to listen to no matter how long they’ve been a caregiver. Resentment is the main focus of this episode and is an important episode for all caregivers to listen to because it’s an emotion I think we all feel at times and it’s probably one of the last ones we’ll talk about to someone else. This series will be continued into the August issue of Caregiving confessions the digital magazine for caregivers. Subscribe before August 1st to be part of the conversation on the things you wish you were told, learn from things other caregivers now know, and help new caregivers learn from the things you’ve figured out on your own. Join us at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions

Knowing you aren’t alone in this is one of the first things I’d love all caregivers to know. This episode is one of my favorites but it almost didn’t get recorded. I did a lot of crying when I wrote this and I could hardly get through recording it so for a moment I considered not doing it at all. I was worried and a little scared that being this vulnerable was too much but then I realized that is what I’m trying to fight. We hide the things that make us feel most vulnerable and usually those are emotions and thoughts caused by our caregiving experience. So how could I NOT publish an episode that is exactly what I needed to hear not only when I first became a caregiver but even some days today ten years later! This series will be continued into the August issue of Caregiving confessions the digital magazine for caregivers. If you haven’t subscribed find all the information at loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions

Let’s listen to this episode and hear how I would have loved it if a nurse or someone would have told me I should consider having different levels of communication with different types of people in my life group texts would not make it easier some people would selfishly overreact in front of me and it wasn’t my place to help them feel better about it. it would have made things a lot better for me. This series will be continued into the August issue of Caregiving Confessions the digital magazine for caregivers. If you haven’t subscribed, find all the information at loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions.

Welcome to The Things They Should Have Told You summer series where I take the 4 most important episodes for caregivers to listen to no matter how long they’ve been a caregiver. So let’s start off with my origin story. I truly believe all caregivers are superheroes and with all superheroes we feel more connected to them when we learn their origin stories. This series will be continued into the August issue of Caregiving Confessions the digital magazine for caregivers. If you haven’t subscribed, find all the information at loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions. The August issue will expand on the episodes you will hear this month and will include a live session with me and other caregivers to talk over the things we would have liked to have known when we became caregivers and things we might benefit from knowing now.

Do you believe that understanding who you are right now is the next step toward finding more happiness in life? In the episode I share steps you can take to figure out who you really are and how to adjust your expectations to align with the life you are currently living. Don't have your free issue of Caregiving Confessions? Grab it here https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/downloads

When I found myself sad and lonely only 6 months into caregiving, I didn’t realize then that part of me was grieving. I was grieving the old me the old way of life the old world I never would be a part of again. Life for the people around me didn’t change, but the world my husband, daughter, and I lived in changed instantly, without warning. Grieving is a process we need to be able to go through as caregivers so we can let go of the old parts of us, the hobby, the goals, and all the things that don’t really fit into the life we are living now. Listen to this episode and learn not only how to let go but ways you can grieve and release what really doesn’t matter anymore. Download your free issue of Caregiving Confessions at https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/downloads

Do you remember the day you became a caregiver? Most of us didn’t actively decide to become a caregiver. We stepped in because that was what we felt we should naturally do. It was a passive decision. This episode will help you understand how not being given the opportunity to make an active decision to become a caregiver started you off with a disadvantage and what you can do about it. Download your free issue of Caregiving Confessions at https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/downloads

Feeling left out of life is an issue for most of us at some point of us being caregivers. You miss the days when you can plan for vacations. Go out to do something fun on a whim and live a little more spontaneously. However, right now whenever you think about the possibility of getting away in any capacity you feel tethered to your house. Listen to this episdoe to hear how normal jealousy can be in caregiving and how to actually make that vacation escape happen even if you can’t travel. Then download your free issue of Caregiving Confessions at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions

Do the seasons pass you by without you noticing them? Do you find yourself in the middle of summer or at the end of the year and not really know how you got there so quickly? No matter where you ever are in your role as a caregiver it always requires you to do more, remember more, stress out more than you would if you weren’t caring for anyone but yourself. In this episode, I go over five ways you can learn to notice the little things. Listen now and then head over to www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions to download your free issue of Caregiving Confessions

We all crave connection. We all want to know we aren’t alone in our experiences as caregivers. We’re looking for ways to change our outlook on life. And We want to be entertained. Listen now to learn how to figure out what your needs are as a caregiver, how to make them a priority in your life, and what the heck this has to do with the Dalai Lama. Or go directly to what you really need at https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions

Finding things that will help you relax a little or take a break from stress and that suit you can be difficult. Because of that, I’d like for you to know that self-care isn’t easy. It’s the most difficult thing to do when you really need it and it takes a certain amount of drive from you to become a reality. So if you wonder why the words self-care cause you to cringe it could possibly be because being told to care for yourself is usually done with the attitude that it should be easy for you to do. Just meditate. Journal, how hard can that be? People from the outside of the caregiving experience can’t understand that it isn’t as simple as putting pen to paper. If this sounds like you, Listen to this episode if this sounds like you and find a solution to your self-care problems at https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions

I have a confession to make… When I first became a caregiver I had moments when I actually thought about running away. Sometimes just a thought is enough to cause a domino effect of emotions. We all need a place where we feel like we aren’t judged and we can “Confess” the taboo topics we’ve been holding onto all these years. That’s why I created Caregiving Confessions. Let’s cast aside the guilt and shame that keeps us from doing things for ourselves. Don't miss out on www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com/confessions

People talk about caregivers like we’re all the same person. When people mention us, especially if they don’t have first-hand experiences as a caregiver or from working with caregivers you get the idea that they think everything for caregivers should be one size fits all. Listen today to learn how although our needs are similar not any two of the 62 million caregivers in the US are never the same and how understanding what phase of caregiving you’re in is important. Find the transcripts and the free issue of Caregiving Confessions at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Do you know who you really are right now? When caregivers find it difficult to find ways to enjoy their lives one of the biggest issues I find they have is the fact that even though they know they are caring for someone they haven’t accepted that they aren’t the people they once were. Listen to Episode 109 “The Clarity That Comes From Accepting vs Just Knowing You're a Caregiver” and begin to fully live your life now. Find the free issue of Caregiving Confessions as well as the transcripts of this episode at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Let’s talk about sharing a self care activity with the person you care for. If you start to do something daily or weekly together that reduces your stress and anxiety as well as theirs you’ll create or strengthen your connection with them. This allows you to have moments together that you’ll be able to look back at and remember. By doing this you’re meeting so many needs both of you have. You’re giving them the gift of connection. Something we all crave to some degree and it’s very easy to not connect with the person you care for because you spend all of your time doing things for them instead of doing things with them. Listen to this to find recommendations of things you can do with or alongside the person you care for and find more resources and support at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com Start making moments count!

Do you suffer from having your caregiver armor on so securely that it’s almost impossible to take it off? Do you have times when you want to just relax but can’t get yourself to do it? When you get stuck in caregiving mode and aren’t able to live your day just as the person you are, you lose the ability to be present and enjoy it. You miss the smiles and the tears. You miss the moments when things might have been said that actually mattered. Listen to how easy it was for me to get stuck in caregiver mode and what you can do to find your way back to flipping that caregiver switch off every once in a while. Listen to Desperately Stuck in Caregiver Mode and How to Escape it today

Do you react in disgust when someone asks you about your plans for the weekend? Whenever I ask a caregiver if they’re going to do anything fun, 9 times out of 10 they react in disgust and say something like “The Weekends are the same as the weekdays” or “How is fun even possible?” Or maybe you’d like to have fun but feel guilty for wanting it or fear you’ll be judged for taking a break from life. Well, today you have something to back you up! There are scientific studies that show that having fun has a positive physical and mental effect. It benefits you to have fun and sets you up for a healthier way to live as a caregiver. So now when you try to discount the need for fun in your life or worry about what people will say you have facts to support you… although you know deep inside it feels good no matter what. Listen to this episode - Top Five Reasons Caregivers Need Fun in Their Lives and learn why having fun is a necessity.

There is nothing more irritating than people pissing you off when you’re too tired to make good choices! Responding takes a lot of work. It also takes practice. Most importantly you need to have the energy to respond and that means you have to create opportunities to let go of stress. It feels easier to yell back, confront and stomp away because it actually is physically and mentally easier to do! Listen to episode 105 to learn how to keep your cool and not react at doctor’s appointments. Find the download mentioned Here or at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

I recently had the opportunity to speak with Tracey Noonan of @dont_call_me_cupcake podcast and @wkdgoodcupcakes about her experience as a caregiver for her parents and father in law. She shares how not one, but both of her parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease and her father-in-law was diagnosed with Stage 4 stomach cancer just a year following her unbelievably successful Shark Tank appearance, with her daughter Dani, and subsequent deal with Shark, @kevinolearytv . She shares how her life was turned upside down when she and her husband, Scott, made the decision to move all 4 of their parents into their home in an attempt to care for them, all while navigating the rapidly moving waters of a successful startup. She candidly shares the frustrations, sorrow, humor and love that accompanied this unique, stressful and fulfilling chapter in her life. Listen to the entire episode now and find the transcript and caregiver support at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Caregiver, I see you… You’re tired, lonely, and afraid All you want is to be able to enjoy living with the person you care for instead of dreading life with them each day you wake up. You deserve more! Don’t give up on your life! It is possible to learn how to enjoy it again. Listen to this episode of Love Your Caregiving Life Podcast to hear how. Find more support at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

It’s important to notice when things aren’t working for you instead of doing things the same way over and over again and then they get so burnt out they can’t function anymore. I know caregiving can shift your focus away from your own needs. However, you can’t wait for things to get easier in order to prioritize yourself because prioritizing yourself is what makes it easier. Listen to episode this episode to hear how to notice when things aren’t working, how I had to be reminded to care for myself, and how you can make decisions to lead you towards enjoying your life more. Find transcripts, free resources and more at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

What if I told you dates with your spouse are possible even if leaving your house isn’t. I get is caregiving had made your relationship with your spouse… confusing. Do you find yourself lonely even though you're both together in the same house? You wouldn’t even know how to do anything with them for fun because it feels like it’s been centuries since you have. Yet… you really miss the fun times you had before you became their caregiver. Episode 101 “Two simple ways to love connecting with your spouse again” to learn how you can begin to connect with the spouse or partner you care for and ways to make dates happen. Listen to the Love Your Caregiving Life and find the transcript and more information at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

It doesn’t help you that one day is National Caregiving Day. It doesn’t make your role any easier and it doesn’t make you any happier. We don’t need a freaking day! We need people to take what we do seriously. Aren’t you tired of people telling you how important they think caregivers are? They need to show it. They need to show up! You shouldn’t be happy when people say how important they think your caregiving is. You should be happy when they actually do something to show that they are. It’s insulting for people to think they can spend a day thanking us for all that we do and be expected to be happy about it. A day isn’t enough! Listen to this week’s episode “Why National Caregivers Day is Insulting!” Episode 100 of Love Your Caregiving Life Podcast today.

Want to know why writing yourself a love letter is the best step towards enjoying caregiving? How just one little act of kindness towards yourself is not selfish. Working on accepting and loving yourself is a good first step towards valuing yourself and making yourself a priority. Listen to this episode to learn how to write that letter and why it can be one of the most transformational things you can do right now. Find more caregiving support at https://www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

You love the person you care for but when the fear of losing them becomes too intense what do you do? Do you start to pull away or do you find the courage to continue loving them as deeply as you can even though you know losing them will break your heart? Listen to this episode to hear more about loving courageously and how it affects caregivers. Find more caregiving support at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Have you ever taken the time to do something just for you and feel disappointed that it didn’t go the way you had planned? That’s exactly what happened to me. In the end I realized that I can’t expect people to accept that I changed when I became a caregiver and keep myself open to other people changing as well. Listen to this episode “And Just Like That” My Caregiver Escape was Ruined” to hear what my guilty pleasure is and how that relates to your caregiving. Find more caregiver support at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Does the phrase “don’t cry over spilled milk” apply to Christmas decorations? Listen to this episode to hear a confession, my feelings about this year and how it isn’t fair for you to eat those caregiving emotions. Find the Transcripts and more Caregiving Support at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Have you desperately needed some time off from caregiving and finally got to take a night off or a weekend away and found that you didn’t feel better or even a little worse than before? Listen to the episode to learn why a night out or a weekend away won’t make you feel as good about caregiving as you’d expect. Find the show notes and transcripts at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Call me old school but I love getting letters and cards in the mail. If you’ve never written a love letter to someone you’re missing out. You really have to sit and think about the best way for you to tell another person how you feel about them and why. Listen to this podcast to learn how writing a love letter will help you to remember how much you love and enjoy the person you care for. Find show notes and transcripts at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

It’s time to look back at how caregiving has been working and not working for you. I don’t care what time of the year you decide to do it, taking account of the state of your caregiving and the health of your loved one is important for you to do. Listen to the podcast episode to hear the five questions you need to ask yourself and go over to the show notes to read the transcripts and use as a guide in your own review and planning. Find the show notes and transcripts at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

How much do you resent being a caregiver right now? Yeah, I know it exists. I don’t know of a caregiver who hasn’t felt at least a little resentment towards some aspect of caregiving. So you’re not alone. Listen to this episode to learn how to take the power out of the resentment you carry. Find the show notes and transcripts at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Do you feel worn out and broken? Don’t know how you can continue caregiving? It isn’t time to give up, is it? Finding the light in the darkness is what all of us need to be able to do. Listen to this episode to be reminded about how much you really matter and how much of a difference you are actually making. Find the transcripts, shownotes and more at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Is it hard for you to be present in the moment at any given time? Is there too much that you worry about? No time to sit and relax? How hard is it for you to slow down so you don’t miss the small moments you will most likely remember forever? Listen to this episode to learn how to enjoy time with your loved one and slow down while in a season when everyone seems to need to move fast to check all the holiday boxes. Find the transcript and show notes at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Let’s talk about how to survive the holidays. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been a caregiver for a long time or you’ve just become one this year, it can really put a damper on the holiday spirit. I’m not just talking about the holidays at the end of the year but any cause for celebration with your family and friends. Listen to this episode to learn how to set boundaries, the importance of being able to say no, and remembering why you are a caregiver are all possible and will help you have fun and enjoy this time with your loved one while focussing on what the holidays are really all about.

Do you hate it when people try to tell you that you shouldn’t be so sad, angry, stressed out because things could be worse? Does it anger you when people tell you to find the silver lining in this storm of caregiving? Learning how to be grateful can help when life gets really difficult Gratitude should not be Dismissive or used to minimize what you’re going through A way for you to say things could be worse A method of showing you that you have things to be grateful for and by default have nothing to complain about. There’s nothing worse than having a moment when someone tells you that it could be worse or try to tell you things aren’t as bad as they seam. So I’m not suggesting that this is what gratitude should look like for you because that’s not helpful for you. This episode is about Learning how to validate your struggle by naming it and seeing it Not using gratitude as the solution to your problems Understand how to attend to the hardships of caregiving but at the same time learn how to be grateful in a way that is supportive of your caregiving needs. Listen to this episode and learn how gratitude can be a part of your life even when life sucks. Find the show notes and free resources at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com

Show Notes A big problem most of us caregivers have is feeling lonely. There are always times of the year when the people we know start to go on trips or have celebrations that we just can’t make it to. We catch those moments as they post them on social media or tell us about it and it hurts doesn’t it. It makes it feel as if the world, our friends and family have moved on and left us behind. Let’s talk about making our own fun and connecting with people we love. Caregiving is an extremely difficult role to take on and loneliness can be a major problem if we feel that we aren’t seen. That’s why when people are giving you the highlight real of their life it makes you angry, frustrated with your situation, and sad. It makes you jealous and leads you to make the mistake of comparing your life with theirs. It makes you feel that caregiving style of loneliness that really hurts deep down. Some of us may be waiting to be invited to the fun. Others are wanting to make some fun but don’t know how and don’t have the energy to figure things out. If you are a caregiver for someone who can’t leave the house, can’t be around groups of people, or leaving the house is just too difficult even if you wanted to it is easy to feel left out. Just because celebrations have to be done differently right now doesn’t mean you have to give up on the fun. Thing is… you can’t wait around to be invited. If you can’t go to where people are celebrating because traveling is out of the question or the person you care for can’t really leave the house you have to find ways to still be part of their lives. Unfortunately, you will have to do some of the work because, just like you, they might not know how to do things differently either. I’m going to give you a list of things you can try to do and once you hear the one thing that really sticks out to you I want you to call the person you want to do it with or can help you organize it. It’s going to feel like more work than you’d like to give but I promise you even it is worth it. Laughing, having fun, talking to people who care for you is worth it. Just let them know that you’d really like to have them be a part of your life and miss doing things with them. It’s ok for it to feel vulnerable. It’s ok to worry they’ll say no. But you won’t know until you try. Everything listed in this podcast is put together for you as a PDF download on the website. You can go to www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com find the podcast link and click on episode 87. There you will find the PDF with more information and suggestions for each of the ideas I’m going to tell you about today. It’s the perfect thing to download and send to the people you want to set something up with so they can read it through as well. So don’t forget to go and download it for free from the website. If you are on my mailing list you will get it in the November 18th newsletter. Ok on to how you can enjoy celebrations even if you can’t leave the house. One of the things I like doing the most is cooking with people I love. Being able to tell stories, laugh, and sing with people you care about can feed you more than the food you’re making. It can make you feel sad if you can’t do that and you may feel like it isn’t even worth making that dish you love making so much. Just because you can’t be together doesn’t mean you can’t continue to have that experience. Invite those people into your home via Zoom or a video call. You all can cook something together in your own kitchens and catch up on how things are going, still tell those stories, sing those songs, and laugh. You can all make the same thing or something different. If you live in the same city you could even do a swap and share with everyone else. It’s just about finding different ways to do the things you love doing. You can watch a movie together. Maybe there is a holiday movie you love to watch with your sister but you can’t this year. Set up a movie date and watch it together. There are lots of ways you can do this. Sometimes the simplest is to get on a video call with the other person and set the camera so they can see your face. Then you try to press play at the same time. Being on camera might be weird for you because you don’t usually see your face while watching a movie but it’s just what that other person would see and they love you so try not to feel too self-conscious about it. You can hide the part that shows your face and just focus on theirs. It can be as simple as sticking a piece of paper on the part of the screen that has your little square. There are other ways to start the movie together. Some streaming services allow you to watch with someone else. That way the movie will start and stop at the same time. Some phones will also let you watch something together. Or you can both watch the movie on your own time and then make a date to sit down and talk about it, kind of like a book club. There are movie discussion topics in the pdf download. Who knows this might be something yo

You’d like to take care of yourself but have no idea what you’d do or how you’d do it? I have the solution! This is the last of the self-care series for caregivers. In this episode, I go through the process of how to choose your form of self-care and how to incorporate it into your day. Listen today as I take you through the same process I do with clients and learn how to make self-care in your life a reality. ------------------------------------------ Show Notes This is the last episode of the Caregiver self-care series. Today I’m going to show you how to put everything together so you can start taking moments to care for yourself throughout the day. Let’s talk about bringing one self-care tool into your day. Over the past month, I’ve shared with you the reasons why you might not think you can bring self-care into your days so you can be better able to care for the person you are a caregiver for. If you haven’t listened to the past four episodes I suggest you go back to them after you’ve listened to this one. To summarize… It is difficult for you to make yourself a priority to care for yourself and that comes from a lot of different reasons. You feel like you can’t take time for yourself because you’ll be judged or you’ll judge yourself for it. There isn’t time in the day for self-care. Or you can’t afford self-care because you think it costs money. I’ve given you six different types of self-care tools that don’t cost money and take as little or as much time as you’d like for them too. In one of the episodes, I even lead you through an extremely short breathing exercise to teach you the first step to learning how to use your breath to reduce stress. Last week I stressed that a lot of not being able to prioritize yourself is not your fault. If you had more support from your social circles and society in general it would be easier for you to take time for yourself. People would expect you to care for yourself so you could continue doing the important work you’re doing right now. So the last thing we need to work on together is figuring out how to fit one new thing into your day. How to get yourself to take at least five minutes for yourself every day. I can tell you for certain that when you are finally able to be consistent and show up for yourself. Life changes! If you’ve listened to the earlier episodes of this podcast you know that when I became a caregiver it was rough for me. I was reactive. I cried a lot and didn’t have a handle on the way my life was turned upside down. I was overwhelmed with stress and anxiety but at the same time was working as a Yoga and meditation teacher. It was ironic that my doctor had to suggest that I try meditating for me to realize that my training was what would help me out of the overwhelm and burnout I was experiencing. I was able to take all of my yoga and meditation training and bring self-care back into my day so I could go back to being able to enjoy my life with my husband and daughter even though caregiving was extremely difficult for me. If I hadn’t already had all of that training I don’t know where I would be right now. I certainly didn’t have anyone warn me not to lose myself in caregiving or that if I didn’t care for myself I would become bitter and resentful, depressed and overwhelmed. It was simply a small suggestion from a doctor that made me realize that I already had what I needed but caregiving had been thrown on me with such a force that all I could do was fight to keep up. I didn’t have the energy or the willpower, in the beginning, to figure out how to care for myself with tools I already had and I didn’t have a connection with other caregivers who could let me know I wasn’t alone in all the things I was experiencing. That’s actually why this podcast exists. It’s my way of helping you know you aren’t alone and to hopefully help you find ways to enjoy your life as a caregiver easier than I did. It makes sense why it’s difficult for you to figure out how to do something for yourself. Caregiving is rough and most times you're just trying to keep up with things. Caregiving can also be long-term and you won’t be able to sustain the pace you are at if you don’t start caring for yourself. What a lot of us need is for someone to help us figure out how to make ourselves a priority again. If you are burnout right now you might not be able to think of what or how to do something for yourself. As I said in last week’s episode - shame on the people who tell you that you need to care for yourself and then don’t take the time to help you do that. Having someone come sit in your house to make sure things are ok while you go for a walk or a drive is a way a friend or family member can help. They can help you escape by inviting you to do something that takes as much or as little energy as you’d like to use. Maybe a quick hike or just a drive to pick something up to eat. Maybe someone can sit with a spouse during chemo treatments or play a game with your child so you c

I know why it’s so hard to care for yourself. You don’t feel you can even if you wanted to and knew what to do. A lot of your inability to care for yourself comes from the fact that the social circles you live in and society, in general, do not value what you do. Listen to today’s episode to hear more on why you’ll have to work harder at learning how to love your caregiving life and how it’s possible for you to do, no matter how overwhelmed you are right now. Listen to part four of the caregiver self-care series Episode 85 of Love Your Caregiving Life Podcast. You can find the latest episode and show notes at www.loveyourcaregivinglife.com ------------- Show Notes Ep 85 Why it’s so hard to care for yourself The past few podcast episodes have been focused on helping you find your own style of self-care. In each episode, I also touched on reasons why self-care might not be for you or more importantly why you think self-care isn’t for you. Today I’d like to speak a little on why you caring for yourself is one of the most powerful things you can do as a caregiver. Let’s talk about why it will always be difficult for you to care for yourself. Caregivers are always told to care for themselves and it’s almost always annoying, isn’t it? It makes some people angry to be told they need to care for themselves and I get it. The message isn’t the problem. It’s essential for caregivers to care for themselves. I strongly believe that. The problem comes from the half-ass way that message is used! If someone you know mentions that you really need to take care of yourself it is most likely because they see you actually need it. Maybe they dropped by and noticed you look like you could use a year's worth of sleep or you haven’t washed your hair in a week or two. IF they tell you that you should really care for yourself they are stating the obvious, right? Have you ever heard that you should take care of yourself and realize you never thought of it before? That this was a crazy new idea? Probably not. Caregivers are humans and humans seek comfort and instinctually want to survive. You know you want to feel better. You know that when you feel caregiving has become so overwhelming all you want to do is escape. Because caregiving is hard and deep down inside you know you are suffering and need help. So if someone suggests some self-care (which I usually translate to “you look like shit and it makes me uncomfortable to see you this way so please fix yourself” ) then they are stating the obvious. And the catchphrases are overused. The “can’t give from an empty cup” or “you have to put your mask on first” are getting a little annoying. But I get it.. I used to use those a lot and people are often looking for nice ways to say - hey you’re falling apart. They’re trying to make a point. The Message The messages are everywhere. On social media, you’re told you need to care for yourself and print ads want to sell you things they categorize as self-care. People in your life are telling you that you need to care for yourself and god forbid someone suggests it on a FB group post! There’s so much anger in our community when the conversation turns to self-care. In fact, I spent the whole first year on this podcast finding other ways to say self-care because I was scared I’d turn off the very people who need to hear this. Is Not The Problem But here’s the deal. I don’t think the problem is with the message. The problem is there isn’t any follow-through. Shame on the people around you that suggested you take a break when you were overwhelmed with caregiving and then not try to be part of the solution. Shame on them for not skipping over the phrase altogether and just reaching out and saying hey I’m going to drive up and you jump in, stay in your pajamas, and we’re going to drive through the coffee place you love and get you that drink you always get this time of the year and then I’ll take you right back if you want or we can sit in the parking lot and enjoy our drinks. And please, if you have a friend like that send them the link to this episode so they can listen to it and understand what beautiful people they are to care enough to go the extra step. Because telling a person they need to care for themselves is not enough! All it does is say - hey I”m seeing what you’re feeling and it isn’t a pretty picture. You Don’t Know What To Do I get it… most people think they are doing the right thing by giving the advice you didn’t ask for. But if you’re just told you need to make a change and there is no follow up then they might as well not have said it at all. What you might not realize is - the underlying message you are given while being told something you already know is that… you should already know how to do it, and you don’t. You don’t know what you would do if you wanted to take better care of yourself. You don’t know how you could make the time for it and you don’t know how you could afford it. Since your brain does not have the capacity to