Nuzzle House

Claus starts a war between immortals and doesn't even notice because he's too busy thinking about... other people's kids. Then he uses the reindeer's kink against them to break into people's homes and watch them sleep.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Like a trust-fund kid, Claus sets out on his own but his mom takes care of everything for him- even down to making his dinner every night. That leaves a lot of time for him to sit around thinking of... the kids...Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Where this author makes up a fake origin story for a real man that died in 1942 during a bombing over France. It's highly offensive, especially since it prominently involves 'grabbing' a 'girdle' for some reason.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

This week we look at one of the early Baby Sitters Club books, and are surprised at how much better it was than Twilight.We learn:Ben had the weirdest walk around the lake ever.Glen gossiped with his hair dresser.This weeks bird blurb is just all over the place and without structure.Ben has a closer relationship with his dad than Glen, because of the show 'Coach'.Go read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-truth-about-stacey-the-baby-sitters-club-3-volume-3-9781338642223/9781338642223Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

There is a cat giving away his satanic nature by walking around on it's hind legs, killing with pleasure and threatening everyone around him and NO ONE seems to care.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Ben decided that we should make a 'banter heavy' holiday episode. The conversation is awkward and uncomfortable, but Ben reads a sample of some Thanksgiving Twilight fiction. So that makes it all worth it.We learn:Ben’s boss had all her family over for the holiday, even though she just got over Covid.Glen made a turkey for the first time in his life, and it was so disgusting that he's decided to be a vegitarian. There's no bird blurb segment from Gretchen, but we played her music anyway.Ben's not going to get any break-up closure.Ben does an amazing reading from 'The Thanksgiving Feast Twilight Fanfic' by EdwardHisTopazEyesGo read it yourself: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7573298/2/The-Thanksgiving-Feast-Twilight-FanficVisit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

A group of people agree to live together in a house, though none are really 'crazy' or in need of professional help. So I have no idea why it is called an asylum, but there's food at the end... A tale as old as time.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-children-s-book-of-thanksgiving-stories-9781497322141/9781497322141Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

We broke up book-3-of-the-4th-book-of-the-twilight-saga into three parts just to make everything more confusing. The vampires finally meet the volturi and almost nothing happens. This is a book. A book that a lot of people have read.We learn:Ben’s SINGLE!Glen has to convince a friend, who might have COVID that he should be more carefulGretchen has a thanksgiving segment!Ben's breakup is the best thing that's ever happened to the podcast.We find out that Sean Penn ISN'T dating Mercedes, Val Kilmer's daughter.Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Falling in love is easy when you only care about looks, lucky for this lady she had a god-mother who doesn't see any problems with that.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

The first story, about a weird man who just wants a kid. The second, another story about a dumb person who has unlimited power and doesn't know how to use it.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

A creepy kid stumbles on two items that bring him unlimited wishes. Of course he keeps forgetting that and spends the rest of the story wasting his own time- And also forcing a woman to love him.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Another episode where I read fairy tales like a crabby uncle. This one, about a boy who wants to feel fear so he lights fires and kills his way toward understanding… Because he’s a psychopath. That’s his real problem. It’s the story of a boy with a serious untreated condition. Angela Lansbury plays a big role in this story for me.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

One story ends pretty abruptly, but that’s how it goes when the protagonist is murdered. The other involves marrying your grandma. I don’t even care what the rest of the story was about beyond that.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

We broke up book-3-of-the-4th-book-of-the-twilight-saga into two parts just to make everything more confusing. Bella’s conversion is complete and we get to learn all about how cool being a vampire is. Then, a baffling discussion about how the Volturi are on their way. And the baby is really creepy.We learn:Ben’s Manager STILL has Covid, and he’s STILL gladGlen spent Saturday night in a bar where a friend breathed all over himGretchen’s segment has Glen thinking she should have her own podcastBen had an actual date with an actual person.Glen and Ben talk at length about the benefits of bookshop.org and nuzzlehouse.com Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

What do you do if you’re poor as hell, but have a beautiful daughter? Sell her off to a white bear for money.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

You know what takes a fairy tale from average to ‘top-shelf’? A yellow dwarf sitting in a tree eating oranges. Everyone dies in the end.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

‘The Bronze Ring’ is the story of hubris. ‘Prince Hyacinth…’ is about how you should hope you’re never born ugly.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

When a student’s idea of a ‘fun vacation’ is to just to be alone in an empty house so he can study- it’s about a fun as you’d expect. Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

The story of two men who’s love is cut short by a spectral warning. Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Terror comes in all guises. Even in the form of a clerical error. Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

If you give your wife a disturbing pet-name like, “my pussy” you know the story isn’t going to turn out good. Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

We read “book 2” in the 4th book (ugh) of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight saga that focuses on the story from the point of view of Jacob. And Edward tries out being a cuckold.We learn:Ben’s Manager has Covid, and he’s gladGlen can’t stop thinking of hepatitisGretchen’s segment is Halloween themedBen had a video date, that actually went well!Glen is prepared to teach Ben ‘the secret’ when he’s finally done with all this dating crapGo read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

You’d think that when you survive the murder attempt you dreamed about earlier you’d be done, but nope. Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Another good story that takes forever to get to the point… How would I have known that ‘October barrage’ would be the hardest thing ever. Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

The mystery of a murder that is kinda solved by entering the exciting world of paperwork. A witch is involved, though, only barely. Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Finally, an actual scary ghost story. No weird crap tacked on at the end. Just two people walking into a haunted house, seeing some scary stuff, then leaving. Perfect.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

This author really hates overweight men. That is pretty clear. And he thinks bible-reading-wives are boring as hell. Put it all together and you have the making of a good paranormal murder story.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

A story of revenge by some kind of... Ghost? Or something? I read the whole thing and couldn't make any sense of it. Maybe you canGo on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

A story of a woman who's being harassed by a man even though she's already got a boyfriend, so the man kills the boyfriend. Then the boyfriend-ghost kills the guy. Pretty standard stuff.Go on, read it for yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684

He didn't die. I don't know how else to make that clear. I'm sick of people trying to be all cute with, "Are you sure? Maybe the Headless Horsemen claimed another victim..." and smile all smugly to themselves. Irving made it perfectly clear that he was alive and well in another city. End of story. I'm not dealing with this anymore.Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-legend-of-sleepy-hollow-9780812504750/9780812504750Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

We read the 4th and 'final' book in the Twilight saga. And it's off to an amazing start- where the first 3rd of the book is all about Bella's wedding and honeymoon. That's pretty much it.We learn:Ben’s employer hosted a fundraising event for Donald Trump... For a president who knowingly put all his supporters at risk.Glen got laid offGretchen gets new music for her segmentGlen got laid offGo read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

A lanky, skinny-man decides to move in on the only woman in town who is delicious as food, and he loves how all the animals on her dad's farm is just living food. This episode is about a hungry teacher who just wants to eat what he lusts after.Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-legend-of-sleepy-hollow-9780812504750/9780812504750Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Well, I wrapped this turd up. Basically it was a hypnotist. That's it. But at least I got to hang out with a friend in the middle of the episode and have a burger. That was nice.Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

The full title of this is 'The Haunted and the Haunters: Or The House and the Brain' if that doesn't give you a hint at how convoluted this story is going to be. It's so long that I had to break it up into two episodes. Ugh. My spooky October stories is off to a horrible start.Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

If this story doesn't teach you not to bury your sister when she exists between the dimensions of living and dead, then nothing will.Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

I... I think he dies at the end? I have no idea what happened at the end besides a long speech about how "life is a dream" or something.Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

We decide to test out our new audio situation by live-watching 'Twilight' the movie. It's a hoot if you're watching it with us, but if you're just listening- all you're going to hear is us breathing a lot and it won't make sense. Especially when Ben explains all of Edwards weird expressions being the result of an eternal struggle with puberty.We learn:Ben is inching closer to a romantic relationship with is physical therapistGretchen explains how a tufted tit-mouse will eat your hairGlen tries not to crack up during a funeralGretchen gets Ben to make bird noisesGo watch it with us:https://www.hulu.com/movie/twilight-0984bd81-c037-49b1-a42a-1cbe93a1a4e9Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

A group of thieves show up to a council meeting. And that's about it. It pretty much has no point. It's ok to skip this episode.Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Never trust a ghost, especially if you’re the one who killed them. Even more especially if they couldn’t understand basic fashion while they were alive.Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Two grown men read a book for really, really young children. We learn that this series has nothing to do with homeless children who ride the rails solving mysteries. They are, in fact, privileged kids living in a small town where everyone respects them.We learn:Ben’s employer won’t let him work from home even when he has a bum legGretchen explains how birds can have secret families… Like a salesmanGlen gets ripped off by a racist tree guyGo read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780807506455Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

When a story is depressing as hell in the first page and a half- you wouldn’t think it would get any worse. But it does.Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

The best way to pick up women is when they’re dying and you’re the only doctor for miles.Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

The story of an unattractive woman who is lonely, but it doesn’t matter since she suddenly winds up in prison for no reason and dies. Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077 Be sure to check out "Besties with Katie & Emily" podcast: https://twitter.com/bwkepod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/besties-with-katie-emily/id1430595555 Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

This week we finish Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. And we give up- it’s just too annoying. The worst part, after all that work of trying to get through this turd, there isn’t even really an ending.We learn: The word "grins" shows up 124 times in this bookGretchen actually got Ben to make a bird sound with his mouthThere is actually a fur glove used during a sex sceneBen’s whole leg is getting disgustingThere 124 "frowns” in the bookGo read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Another week, another depressing Russian short story. This one about a man who spends the night homeless, and gets hot kisses from a homeless lady.Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

More depressing Russian stories- This one about a man who was wrongfully imprisoned for murder. Does he get out? Nope. He dies. I’m just telling you that now.Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

This week we read Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. Again. And we’re both pretty sick of this book. We agree we’re not reading any more of them after this, and Ben’s impression of Ana is AMAZING.We learn: It’s Ben’s birthday! And he blows my surprise by telling everyone before I can.Glen's birdhouse kills birdsGretchen has a backyard ‘Ben’s Birthday’ blast for usBen’s knee looks disgustingGlen knows someone who believes in Q-anon crap.Go read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

I know what kind of books to read for every season, but not in this weird period when summer ends and school starts. So you get a really depressing story by a Russian author. Have fun with that.Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/lazarus-9780343434168/9780343434168Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

The story wraps up where both Tom and Huck are rich- and no one brings up the fact that it’s stolen money and the police should be called to return it. And good ‘ol Huck just wants to sleep in a barrel again. Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

This week we read Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James, and it gets hot- and by “hot” I mean slow, boring, and a near carbon copy of Stephenie Meyer’s painful style of writing.We learn:Gretchen has a backyard butterfly blast for usBen realizes that being single sucks when you need a ride to knee surgeryGlen has built a reading nook in his houseGo read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.