Nerd Poker

The Ice Five continue their mini-boss killing spree that has them in a showdown with Dratlanna the drow-beholder, and you better believe they've got some fun new moves to try out. Will they survive? Where will they head next? Is Gus toast? Time will hopefully tell!

The Ice Five continues their tour of mini-boss bulldozing and sets their eyes on Dargthur's mother. Which of course means lots of roleplaying excellence from Brian, his favorite thing to do ever.

Time to find out what the Ice Five really stands for by pitting them against the squishy, veiny, eyeball thing they made on accident a few dozen episodes ago. Hope you're ready for a throwdown with lots of psychic damage and some wincing as the surface texture of the monster is described!

The Ice Five walk towards the Mother Brain, slowly realizing that "The Ice Five" has now expanded into a conglomerate of shady inter-planar horrors and they are about to meet with its leader, whom they accidentally installed. Also, it feels like there's something we should acknowledge… numerically speaking.

The Ice Five finally approach the head of the boat, and what they find is sight only a Dargthur could love... and he's pretty sour so he probably won't.

The Ice Five continue to slip around in the slime and complete their showdown with the phantasmal narwhal creatures, with Halcyne's life still in the balance. Strange whispers from the monstrosities confuse them, and they contemplate what it would mean to go deeper below deck. Also, more eyeballs.

The undead tuskfolk continue to try to skewer the Ice Five and suck their very life forces from them. Hopefully those eyeballs growing out of the floor will somehow turn out to be good guys and lend a helping eyestalk. Right?

The early first three trials of the stable complete, it's time to descend into a purple portal and go hunting for trayzure! Paul F. Tompkins returns as Mister Evelyn, and we can only hope that he will finally get a chance to use his special animal summoning hat.

In this two-part Danger Room bonus adventure, all our regular cast is here to explore an old stable rumored to contain a treasure, guarded by dark magics. And who should be there to help but the charming Mister Evelyn, portrayed by Paul F. Tompkins! Paul is playing a bard, so you better believe we are going to try and tempt him to sing within the first few minutes of the show.

Below the deck of a ship Dargthur knew long ago, the Ice Five attempt to clear any lingering nastiness and find more than they bargained for. All of it is familiar somehow, yet more ominous. But don't worry, they're going to keep setting things on fire. Who did you think we were talking about anyway?

Time for some of the Ice Five to sit on the deck of a boat and read a tom full of lore, while the rest of the Ice Five set things on fire. We bet you can guess which characters do which. Plus, oh right, they might have just dissipated the avatar of a fallen evil god... Probably no consequences to that, right?

The Ice Five must take out the Juggernaut that has come to dispatch them, but even if he is defeated there's the matter of scaling the massive drow pirate vessel before them. Oh, are we're continuing to master our remote situation, thanks for bearing with us, nerds.

After hours of attempting to not-so-simply-commandeer a not-so-simple boat at an old familiar dock, the Ice Five find themselves in an inevitable confrontation! Oh, and this episode is our first ever remote recording session! Pardon our dust- next time we'll be employing some new audio techniques, so it's only greener grass from here on out!

The Ice Five have arrived on the seaside. Their goal is to reconvene with the Mother Brain and pick up a new boat, as Dargthur is keen to get back into Admiral mode. Hopefully they'll find a safe ride and get on board quickly and efficiently!

The Ice Five has their eye on Silverhenny Woods, but will the Violet Fang actually join the party? And wait a minute, Silverhenny Woods, isn't that where Dr. Uid keeps all of his... STUFF? Time to head to the western half of the continent, and see what adventures lie in the snow-kissed forests they almost visited some 55 episodes ago.

Still debating their next move, the Ice Five decide to explore the full resources of Clompity, which may or may not include the leader of Haushinka's assassin network. The players have some theories about who the Violet Fang is, but sadly their characters don't have the same knowledge they do. Hopefully an evil archlich won't start attacking them while they have conversations. It's probably fine. Everything's fine.

The promise of the capital city of Donkeyland, Clompity, looms before the Ice Five as they must make some hard choices. Do they forge ahead, or explore a second, perhaps more confrontational path? Also, oh boy, there might be about to be so many donkeys.

Down the dark stair the Ice Five tread, towards the teleportation circle that will transport them to Donkeyland. But what are dark stairs without a whole bunch of traps? Luckily the Ice Five have a cuckoo bird and a lil' boss to help with such things, but will Queep and Gus' wings be able to take the party past every horror ahead?

There's one more stretch of giant-infested land for the Ice Five to cross before they can cross the abyss into Donkeyland, and wouldn't you know it, not every roll goes perfectly. Given Nerd Poker's history with giants and diplomacy, it couldn't be that Dan is out for revenge with these monsters, could it? Nah, PROBABLY not.

The behir battle heats up, as our heroes get repeatedly swallowed and vomited up, their hit points going dangerously low. Will the Ice Five become the Digested Five, or will they survive until Donkeyland? And wow, hopefully those halflings aren't just a splattered pile.

The Ice Five are now just trying to not get devoured by behir, the giant dragon-dog-centipede things the mutated giants keep as pets, and that vomit lightning. Oh right, and some halfling heroes got splattered across the ground. Hopefully they're fine.

It seems more real than ever- the Ice Five are on what could be the true approach to Donkeyland. With a whole lot of allies in tow, it will be a matter of who stays with the Time Boat and who adventures through the jagged rocks and cliffs. One thing is for sure... everyone is getting really excited to see a donkey.

The Ice Five head south on the river, away from Dame Island and towards a difficult fork in the path. And of course, one option in that fork is the fabled country we've hinted at for 51 episodes now. Yes. We speak of course of Donkeyland.

With the Baron popped out of his pen, the Ice Five have a lot more questions, namely what is that super important identity of the Tenebrous One that was removed from the end of his letter? And our heroes also have a very important question ahead of them: Is it time to head to Donkeyland?

After a glorious but brief celebration, our heroes have gone from aboleth champions to hanging in the balance in a deep underwater cave, Dr. Uid floating unconscious as a tentacled titan races towards half of the party. Surely the Ice Five isn't about to become the Ice Two, plus Bacon?

The Ice Five take their final swings at the aboleth beneath Dame Island, hoping to win the favor of gods and humans alike. More than once it has nearly ended in one of our beloved characters being wiped out by the fell creature, will they all escape intact? Thank you for a delightful 2019, the campaign will continue next week!

The brutal battle between the Ice Five and the aboleth rages, with the party repeatedly stretched to the absolute limit of the powers. Hopefully they will be able to take out these cosmic murder fish before things get too dicey.

At the slimy underground lake the Ice Five continue to lay into the Path of the Vaunted Tusk, but something far more dangerous lurks deep in the subterranean waters. Will they survive their encounter with yet another narwhal juggernaut, this one with backup? Only time will tell.

The Ice Five begin a descent into the den of the aboleth worshipped by the Path of the Vaunted Tusk, with a mentally liberated Gus the pseudodragon and a friendly Dame Island guard. Hopefully there won't be TOO MANY narwhal cultists down there...

After narrowly thwarting Dame Island's downfall, the Ice Five now have some options before them. And assessing the situation might mean picking which of their allies go where, a conversation that is more complicated for some allies than others. No Blaine again this episode (he went to a concert) but we promise he'll return in Episode 46!

Halcyne's life is in the balance, and so is the stability of Dame Island's relatively newborn democracy as the we rejoin our adventurers in the wake of the juggernaut's violent power move. If you thought Dargthur hated the Path of the Vaunted tusk before, now it's EXTRA extra personal.

It's time to settle into Dame Island, where the Ice Five are already apparently regarded as heroes. But what's this? There's some kind of envoy being sent because the Path of the Vaunted Tusk is still whiney about that whole Time Boat kerfuffle? Surely that will only take a moment to address, and it's back to enjoying the spoils of pirate clandom!

After a resounding victory against The Path of the Vaunted Tusk, the Ice Five is debating a sojourn into Dame Island to restock Time Boat and perhaps locate their former crew. But they may be getting in deep with inter-faction conflict in Cloddenheim, and those fishy folk are now humbled by the rage of Dargthur Sturry, to a point they will remember.

Brian Posehn hates this part of the story. Who are these fish idiots who won't get off Time Boat, and more importantly that was a rhetorical question and we don't even really want to know just get them off the boat. Hopefully the people of Dame Island won't react to this show of aggression from the Ice Five with a quest involving licenses and registrations.

With a core shift imminent, the Ice Five make double time to Dame Island in the hopes of rescuing their beloved Time Boat. But unfortunately a natural disaster or two might stand between them and their next maritime expedition. Hopefully no new factions will decide to suddenly make enemies with our increasingly famous five!

After the carnage of their last fight, it's time for our heroes to do a whole lot of stealthin' around, as there's an increasing number of gangs hunting around hoping to kill them. Also, there's that whole thing where they promised they'd visit the evil Archmage and they kinda ghosted him. Everything probably fine though.

We left the Ice Five in a critical face-off with their nemesis Havoccula, Dargthur having just tried a risky deception wherein he disguised himself as the Archmage of Vanzervale. Will it work, or will the Ice Five finally fight a big-ass dragon (a mutated one at that)? Well good news, you'r about to find out a few seconds into this episode.

After cleaning the assassins' clocks last episode, it's time for the Ice Five to address the Gus situation, as his life hangs in the balance. And oh yeah a clan of dragons is hunting them, and they owe the archmage an artifact. You know, just some basic errands. But on top of all that a whole bunch of lore may be about to get thrown their way.

Their giant trap was an unequivocal success, but now the Ice Five must assess which of their allies are the most valuable in their quest against the Tenebrous One. Some need to find their own way, others need to be reunited with the crew. And oh yeah, where the hell is Time Boat anyway?

The Ice Five are locked in tense combat with a mutated, winged giant 25 stories above a glen where the Queep's people once flew free of tyranny. Perhaps today our heroes will bring justice, and finally sneak away from this weird place and the creepy scab-looking beholder who's their friend now.

The Ice Five see only one inevitable way to recover the artifact in Queep's homeland, and that's to fight the mutant giant known as Hegg. Luckily they have lots of experience making bold moves against giant creepy weirdos. But will they succeed? And are they recruiting an even bigger creepier weirdo to help them?

Though the group has arrived at the ancestral home of Queep's people, there seems to be a simple matter of getting to the elder/cloudy mountain without the giant punching them to death like so many aarakocra. The only way seems to be into the mountain and then underground, so it's time to sneak and hunt down some cracks.

The Ice Five appear to have worn out their welcome in Wexhall as the Barrowsteppes Dragons descend on the town, looking for their prey. The alliance with the Archmage may have to wait, as it's time for the Ice Five to do what they do best: run like hell. It's also time to announce our August drawing winner! Congrats!

The showdown with the Archmage of Vanzervale continues, and things get pretty brutal. The Ice Five have a lot they want the Archmage to answer for, but he's not a particularly warm and welcoming sort. They'll have to hurry too, as there's supposedly dragons nearby with a bounty on their heads.

Many choices have led the Ice Five to this small village wedged between cliffs, fireworks about to go off, a lottery about to begin. But what are they willing to sacrifice to meet with the Archmage of Vanzerzale, and will they meet with him at all? A big hand is about to be played. Listen and find out what kind.

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First things first, the Ice Five is facing down some gnomish guards that they kinda sorta accidentally picked a fight with. The hope is that they can continue to travel east and locate the Archmage of Vanzervale and get him to explain what happened to the landscape. Probably nothing to it as long as everyone's super persuasive to new friends, right? Oh, right, they're accidentally in a fight with two gnome guards.

Quite a fun little pickle the Ice Five have gotten themselves into. Dratlanna's war ship is about to attack the Thixxits, and here's the Time Boat just sitting on the dock. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?

The Ice Five have fought hard for the mysterious artifact they found in the caves. Thing is, they're now expected to hand it over to some mind-flayers, and they're not so sure that this was such a great call in the first place. As they trudge through the snowy hills along the coast it becomes increasingly clear that they made a series of real weird choices. And now you, dear listener, may enjoy the culmination of these choices!