Nerd Poker

Kord has reached out to bless our heroes, who receive gifts that bend the rules of the universe. But it may be too late, as dark acolytes are hunting them, and they strike with the unforgiving fury of one of Brian's farts. Who are these dark horrors? Will Dan pop a vein in his head from being interrupted? Only time will tell.

After an exhausting battle inside the great tree, our heroes give a touching farewell to their gross but symbolic friend and begin to gather a mighty force to march across Amynna. With three paths before them, will they gather more allies or begin a great assault? What messages are being brought before them? Will the messenger get stomped on? Only time will tell.

They did it! Sort of! Warchild has been plugged into the nerve center of the lost city, but now the lost city's immune system has one more obstacle to throw at our heroes: an amalgam of treant guts and wood elves that wants to absorb our heroes into some kind of body parts co-op situation. Will our heroes think of a witty follow-up to "wood elves? WOOD ELVES?" And what exactly just happened to Goggo? Only time will tell.

And so the legend goes that one fateful evening, after carrying their friend Shmoo across the dismal plains, he was renamed Warchild. What happened next was a flurry of dark choices. Will Warchild survive? Will our heroes? Only time will tell.

Ahoy! Here we have an episode we crafted deep within the smoldering oven of Brian's living room with great love and farts. This episode our heroes and their new wood elf companions trudge through the ghostly chlorophyllic entrails of what was once Morgatholl, a treat who tried to live forever and instead expanded to the size of a mountain. The elves who once lived inside him no longer seem themselves, and the mission to find the core of the walking city seems to get more perilous by the minute. Will Twee set it all ablaze? Will Bodhi crush an extreme cicada? Only time will tell. Ahoy! Here we have an episode we crafted deep within the smoldering oven of Brian's living room with great love and farts. This episode our heroes and their new wood elf companions trudge through the ghostly chlorophyllic entrails of what was once Morgatholl, a treat who tried to live forever and instead expanded to the size of a mountain. The elves who once lived inside him no longer seem themselves, and the mission to find the core of the walking city seems to get more perilous by the minute. Will Twee set it all ablaze? Will Bodhi crush an extreme cicada? Only time will tell.

Now that our heroes have their own real estate on the evil island of Amynna, they're packing their bags full of dark weed and heading to the headquarters of the wood elves (WOOD ELVES?) to recruit them in their quest against the Demelith. Will Twee get some NPC's high? Will Tom take a wad of sentient sap to the face? Will Bodhi experience the same cruel fate as another of Brian's characters? Only time will tell.

This week our adventurererers emerge from the mists and discover a little bit about themselves, as well as a small building that Dan may or may not have bullied them into exploring. Will our heroes learn a little too much about Jolly Ranchers? Will they learn too much about Goggo's fetishes? Only time will tell.

As our heroes approach the final leg of their spooooooky journey through Misery's Halo, they encounter a flurry of horrors. And yes, one of the horrors is Goggo's attempts to engage in melee combat. Warning: The episode includes a string of some of the most insane rolls in Nerd Poker history. Will our heroes emerge from the mists unscathed? Will Tom become a were-steed? Only time will tell.

Their new gifts and burdens weighing on their backs, our heroes Bodhi, Twee, and Tom venture deeper into the windy mists that circle Misery's Finger. Their new friend they love to hate, Shmoo, also reaches out again to make contact. Will Dan stop saying "so- uh" a thousand times? Will Goggo get everyone killed by being a creep with a short attention span? Only time will tell.

Our heroes are departing Count Bariss' castle with some gifts they love and one in particular that they DO NOT LOVE AT ALL. They must also make a choice of heading Southeast through a halo of ghosts and a mysterious gate (spooky), or Southwest through a murky mountain pass that a map labels as covered in skeletons (scary). Will they finally engage a beast beyond their means? Will they recognize that the gross new NPC in their party is somewhat of an homage to some stuff? Only time will tell.

The pyrotechnics just keep on comin' as the assault on Count Bariss' castle reaches its epic climax. There are not just damage rolls to be made, but also many, many charisma checks as the party confronts a special someone in sparkly armor. How many wombats with human faces will get cleaved in twain? Will anyone walk away from this encounter not-undead? Only time will tell.

The siege of Count Bariss's castle continues, and as the party digs deeper through its chambers they encounter more and more disturbing abominations, including one of those soda machines with all the flavorings in it. Will everything get set on fire? Will Tom meet the re-animated Netty? No, he won't. But it will be creepy.

Our heroes formally initiate a raid on Count Bariss' castle, leaving a mess on his doorstep before heading through the north tower window. Will they murder everything? Will their alignments change? C'mon, you know the answer. They kill a lot of gross stuff. Bodhi stomps.

As our heroes finish their standoff with the Lunar Elves, they make their way towards the castle of Count Bariss. On the way they meet many creatures that push all of Bodhi's buttons, and it will be a miracle if he doesn't immediately stomp on all of them. Will Brian be forced to change Bodhi's alignment? Will Twee continue to napalm the countryside? Only time will tell.

As our heroes continue their chat with the creepy moon elf something snaps in their heads, and things start to get a little warm in the woods. Will their alignments shift? Will Smoky the Bugbear show up and lecture them? Only time will tell.

This episode the party decides to venture East to the mountain castle on their new map, only to encounter a creepy Daphne Zuniga looking moon elf. Will they once again slay every NPC they see? Or will they ask for directions for once? Only time will tell.

Our adventurers have gotten slap happy from their vampiric victories and are now having fun storming the castle. Will they succeed in their campaign against Woody? Will they be defeated by a creepy door? Only time will tell.

In this episode our adventurers realize they have a castle to explore and a leveling up to enjoy. And they meet Edmund, a thrall of the 8 vampires of Amynna, 2 of which are now dead. And now that they know there are 6 powerful vampires on their way to Ahmelegdha's castle the clock is ticking. Will they discover more loot? Or will they stumble onto something gross? Only time will tell.

This time around Twee makes it ABUNDANTLY clear just what his Doss Lute lets him do! And just in time, as not everyone is so happy that Count Ahmelegdha is dead. A lupine beast of some sort is ripping apart one of the recently liberated merchants in the courtyard and it's up to our heroes how many more will perish at its hands. Will Bodhi manage to suplex the creature? Will Tom manage to not get thrown into the woods? Will Dan memorize the complete flavor text of uncommon loot before handing them out next time? Only time will tell.

Ever watch Innerspace and wish you could be inside Martin Short's nose while he died of a sinus infection? Well you're about to find out as a monstrously congested Ken Daly somehow manages to fellate the microphone without anyone else noticing or stopping him. Sorry about that, for real. Oh, and also the party delves deep into the castle of Count Ahmelegdha, hoping to free his servants and get all the credit for it. Will they survive the cellar halls? Will Ken spring for some antibiotics? Only time will tell.

Misophonia Trigger Warning: Ken decides to digest a slice of pizza directly into the mic and there's nothing to be done about it. But it eventually stops, and we hear our heroes! They meet a vampire named Count Ahmelegdha, and he is indeed a literal ruler of one of Amynna's counties. Will people get bitten? Is Ken too disgusting for the human ear to endure? Only time will tell.

This episode our heroes meet a foe beyond any of them, a familiar annoyance, and one of the more mysterious properties of Amynna. Will they take control of their destinies or lose their faith? Only time will tell.

When last we left our heroes, they had uncovered a tentacled beast in the abandoned Drow city and Tom Diretto was looking a little woozy. As he awakens things seem a bit different. Will he reunite with the love of his life? Or will he start chopping up his friends? Only time will tell.

This episode our heroes learn some intel from the evil fairy named Goggo about the sea god Manannan and a strange rumor about wizards and the end of the world. Will they venture into a lost city, or get super emo from the bad news? Only time will tell.

Our adventurers have followed their new companion Lekyss the Dragonborn into the woods, only to encounter flickering shapes and a strange beast. Will they burn all the evil down? Only time will tell. For bonus episodes and to listen to all episodes a day early, subscribe at patreon.com/nerdpoker!

The time has come to meet our new heroes: Bodhi, Tom Diretto, and Twee. They have sailed to the mysterious land of Amynna and found a shroud of mist. Will they find their fate without having to first pin it down and punch it to death? Only time will tell. Visit https://www.patreon.com/nerdpoker for more!