Nerd Poker

After some experimentation from our heroes, the room is filling up with nasty faerie spiders, and it may be time to figure out what the real function of the Chamber of Forgiveness is. Lucky for them, someone in the party did something impulsive and morally questionable in the campaign, and Dan is ready to leverage it.

Determined to recover and destroy the cloak of a long-dead evil, the crew plunges into the depths of The Pit of the Second Sky. They have no idea what they'll find by following the mysterious feywild map, but they know there's probably not cuddly creatures ahead.

In a stroke of bravery or insanity, our party has decided to divert from the pattern of visiting mage colleges and head to a mysterious cave on the outskirts of Gostel. Far below, in another dimension (another dimension) lies an ancient artifact of evil that against all odds the party is attempting to retrieve. And who knows, maybe they kinda almost will.

The stakes are high! With Dessa interrogated, it's clear that the Zinzerena death cult has some nefarious plans to not just do something to the moon, but to locate ancient drow artifacts. And what does our party do when the stakes are high? They recklessly cast spells and blow some stuff up.

Our intrepid protagonists have misfit wizard student Dessa cornered at the top of the tower, while some of the party tries to rush the valuable Drow history book "The Bottom of the Demonweb" out the front door. On the bright side they're not known for showing mercy. On the downside, people start screaming pretty quickly. Sorry there's no Blaine this episode or next, we had to schedule last second and he's apparently a popular comedian.

Having dealt with enough nonsense at the Mage College of Gostel, our heroes ascend the mage tower with an elder wizard and one of Gostel's most pretentious students in the hopes of uncovering whatever plot brought evil to this once super chill and pipeweed-friendly campus. Yet things may only get more screwy as they ascend.

The College of Gostel nearly fell, but our heroes have managed to keep it in the balance! The plot of the strange Drow séances has begun to unravel just enough that, at the very least, this mage college's troubles seem to be traceable to one student. Now they must try to find a quiet corner of the rattled campus rest in, and before the night is through they may have to deal with some new unsavory characters of uncouth upbringings. Luckily, no-one is as uncouth as our heroes.

Welcome to an episode of adventure where the combat continues over from when last we met. Things continue to heat up in the Gostel Mage Tower as the invading Drow and Lunar elves attempt to gain the upper hand. But there's one things they haven't taken into account- setting everything on fire does not scare THESE heroes. But Esmeralda encounters one of the death cult lunar elves in person, and things take a turn for the gross.

The jig is up at the mage school of Gostel. The lunar elf body is hitting the floor, Esmeralda is once again steered by a no-nonsense Sarah, and it's time for some lying NPCs to get their asses handed to them. Magic is everywhere and blood shall be shed. But ladies and gentlemen, inquisitive listeners, what in the ever-loving hell is a mosquito coil?

The crew has had enough of whatever nonsense the Gostel Mage College is serving up in their pretentious waiting rooms. While half the crew rallies the students, the other decides to raid the tower floor by floor. Sadly no Sarah this week, but fear not for she shall return!

After a brief tour through Twee's PTSD, our heroes arrive at Gostel, the second mage college that a strange cult is attempting to indoctrinate. Poor Bodhi is subjected to some extremely boring waiting around, and it only increases the chance of some major smashy smash. And a brief apology for the shorter episode- we wanted to record 3 in one night before Dan and Brian had to go on some long trips! We hope you enjoy the silly bonus nonsense at the end of the episode.

Hello there, fine listener. Did you know that approacheth, an old but for reals word, is not recognized by spellcheck? Anyhoo, the opening gambit appears to have been a moderate success, as the creepy terrible inside out things scatter and the spire remains unopened. But oh, there are opportunistic creatures looking to pounce on the weakened Tinnat. And Blaine tells a moon god joke while other people are talking and it is so cheesy that if you listen to every word it will actually kill you.

In addition to attempting to thwart a ritual at the base of the spire, our heroes face a huge swarm of those gross-looking inside out monstrosities. We're talking monstrosities that grab you, trap you in their ribcage like a venus flytrap, then try to run away with you while you kicking your legs in the air. Why Dan, why? And it looks like Twee may need a new plan, as he's feeling a little too emo to unleash his arcane nature. Will this be the final encounter already??

Why is everything in this world so gross? There's no easy answer as the party continues to carve its way through the magical school of Roke to find survivors. And they do find some, though Twee continues to be haunted by his arcane trigger finger. Will the crew figure out what the hell is going on with the new tower that has sprung up from the ground? That might take a while. In the meantime they will at the very least make some NPCs very uncomfortable with their choices.

The battle for the courtyard of Roke has intensified with more eldritch horror! Our heroes hope to search for survivors, but first elven bard Twee is tasked with escorting one young man to the poorly boarded up alley entrance that he apparently wiggled through by mistake. Luckily everyone is very powerful, so nothing could possibly go wrong.

Our heroes are up to their ears in a melee in the courtyard of Roke, and Dan brought a grid map to draw on! With a marker! What could possibly go wrong?!? Turns out several things. Luckily Esmeralda knows the lay of the land, because the area is filling up with skittering monsters that may or may not have been students of the magic college at some point. Listen and see if one of our players dies!

Hail and well met! Our heroes may not have stopped an assassination, and they may have melted the face of someone in the royal guard, but they can probably get out of this sticky pickle, right? This episode has everything from creepy monsters, to interrogations, to good old fashioned looting. Oh, and some really close dice rolls that the lousy DM just won't let slide.

Welcome to an all new campaign! Some things are the same. Tom, Twee, and Bodhi are trying to stop the moon from crashing into the planet or something. They don't know a whole lot about what sort of moon-based calamity they're trying to stop yet. But they do have a clever half-elf eldritch knight fighting alongside them, and a whole world full of awkward continent and city names (spelled Bonnkyl and Tinnat). Some things will seem as familiar as a warm glove, and other things will feel as odd as a warm cola you found on a park bench. But there's zero doubt that it's NERD POKER.

More enemies of flesh and stone appear. Twee makes a cosmic gambit. Tom takes no Demelith sass. Bodhi stomps. Is the title of this episode a reference to our generous skeletal benefactor? Only time will tell.

The party has battled to the bottom of the cursed land of Amynna. They discover an altar. Forms fizzle in and out of the air. Bodhi rages.

With the bottom of Amynna glowing up through the caverns, the party is faced with a possible endgame. But time and space appear less than stable, and if everyone doesn't stick close the fabric of reality itself may begin to fray at the seams. As things get intense, will Goggo say the ultimate stupid thing? Only time will tell. But you know, it's Goggo. So...

Our party has traveled deep beneath the land of Amynna, and the battle with the boulder-like Beholder is now in full swing. Also, everyone is less sick this episode so the overall energy (and Skeletor's Dick references) is kicked up a notch. Will the crew unlock the mysteries of the caves? Only time will tell.

After some ridiculously lucky Charisma rolls against Count Barriss, the group's dice will be tested once again as they head to the woods to meet their old nemeses, the Lunar elves. Also, all the players are deathly ill, in case you wondered why everyone's so mellow this episode. Will Bodhi snap and smush some skulls? Will Twee be able to levitate in a parallel dimension? Will Tom discover something in the guts of the island? Only time will tell.

Blaine is back, and just in time for the parade! An ally from another timeline has arrived to put the smack down on the party, and this time it might not be so easy to talk them out of a bloodletting. Will Blaine do some proper commercials? Will Rhoads be in the mood to say hi, or will Minecraft take priority? Only time will tell.

Merry Christmas! Sadly, Twee's player took ill and had to sit out this episode, so he is being driven by the shitty DM. Bodhi and Tom do their best to keep Dan from killing him, while re-encountering the direly irritating Count Ahmelegda. Will they encounter even more creepy undead jerks? Will whisky be consumed? Will bad commercials happen without Blaine? Only time will tell.

Our heroes have narrowly dodged the fist of the Demelith, and as they enter the caves beneath the land of Amynna they meet a crew of drow they must negotiate with. Will Luovyn be super gross? Will Bodhi stab the wrong thing? Will Tom learn what his heart desires? Only time will tell.

The crew meets one of those creepy Lunar Elves at the edge of the marshes, and her name sure isn't Lola. Also, the world is ending all around them. Will the ground come to life? Will Twee remember to fly? Will Dan just let him fly even though he said levitate? Will our heroes survive the for real apocalypse? Only time will tell.

After a brutal confrontation with Count Fenzehn the party is ready to make a final push to the Demelith's lair. Or so they think. If things were dark and creepy before it turns out it can get a lot worse. Will Twee keep receiving DM notes just to piss off Bodhi? Will Tom get closure from his latest vision of Netty? Only time will tell.

Wait, what's that about a final sacrifice? What the hell is this last vampire? Are our heroes way way too late? Only time will tell.

It's coming. Boss fights that almost feel final. Our merry army of Demelith slayers has encountered Count Diandell, a powerful bard who knows more magic than any foe thus far. Will Tom's new sword finally explode with power? Will Twee survive a powerful dark spell right to the face? Will Bodhi be forced to live out his greatest fear? Only time will tell.

Bodhi, Twee, and Tom have ventured across Amynna to gather an army against the Demelith, and now they arrive back at the wood of the Lunar Elves. Goggo the evil faerie is in as good a mood as ever, which probably isn't a good sign given that he is a major creep. Will Bodhi punch an old friend? Will Tom reveal the truth to his vampire companion? Will Twee set the woods on fire for the third time? Only time will tell.

After making the long journey back to the dwarven city of Glorindan, our heroes have made an uncertain acquaintance with Grizma Greycragg, the last royal of the city. Though battle may pause, the social hostilities of Amynna continue as they make difficult negotiations for supplies with the queen and liberate her evil Great, Great, Great Grandfather. Will Bodhi be the only one to keep a cool head? Will Twee get to play a song in the ancient orchestra pit of Glorindan? Will Tom be haunted by his past? Only time will blah blah blah etc etc the pope's a nazi.

Finally our heroes emerge from the ghostly ring of ghouls to find an ancient battleground that causes concern among the wood elves (WOOD ELVES?) and one of Blaine's most sincere sponsor ads yet. Will our heroes get sucked beneath the wastes? Will a new non-player character become a new creepy-ass foe? Only time will tell.

Behold! Things escalate quickly in the mysterious mists, and two undead creatures emerge that are unlike anything our heroes have seen before. Will more brains get scooped out? Will the brand new army of elves get cut in half? Will Blaine have a good vampire slaying commercial? Only time will tell.

Welcome to a deviation from our regular adventures, a silly invented side-quest in the land of Chult, straight from the new Tomb of Annihilation adventure! Want to hear us dig deeper? Subscribe to our Patreon, you'll hear some more real soon! Next week we'll be back to our regular campaign of Amynna.

Kord has reached out to bless our heroes, who receive gifts that bend the rules of the universe. But it may be too late, as dark acolytes are hunting them, and they strike with the unforgiving fury of one of Brian's farts. Who are these dark horrors? Will Dan pop a vein in his head from being interrupted? Only time will tell.

After an exhausting battle inside the great tree, our heroes give a touching farewell to their gross but symbolic friend and begin to gather a mighty force to march across Amynna. With three paths before them, will they gather more allies or begin a great assault? What messages are being brought before them? Will the messenger get stomped on? Only time will tell.

They did it! Sort of! Warchild has been plugged into the nerve center of the lost city, but now the lost city's immune system has one more obstacle to throw at our heroes: an amalgam of treant guts and wood elves that wants to absorb our heroes into some kind of body parts co-op situation. Will our heroes think of a witty follow-up to "wood elves? WOOD ELVES?" And what exactly just happened to Goggo? Only time will tell.

And so the legend goes that one fateful evening, after carrying their friend Shmoo across the dismal plains, he was renamed Warchild. What happened next was a flurry of dark choices. Will Warchild survive? Will our heroes? Only time will tell.

Ahoy! Here we have an episode we crafted deep within the smoldering oven of Brian's living room with great love and farts. This episode our heroes and their new wood elf companions trudge through the ghostly chlorophyllic entrails of what was once Morgatholl, a treat who tried to live forever and instead expanded to the size of a mountain. The elves who once lived inside him no longer seem themselves, and the mission to find the core of the walking city seems to get more perilous by the minute. Will Twee set it all ablaze? Will Bodhi crush an extreme cicada? Only time will tell. Ahoy! Here we have an episode we crafted deep within the smoldering oven of Brian's living room with great love and farts. This episode our heroes and their new wood elf companions trudge through the ghostly chlorophyllic entrails of what was once Morgatholl, a treat who tried to live forever and instead expanded to the size of a mountain. The elves who once lived inside him no longer seem themselves, and the mission to find the core of the walking city seems to get more perilous by the minute. Will Twee set it all ablaze? Will Bodhi crush an extreme cicada? Only time will tell.

Now that our heroes have their own real estate on the evil island of Amynna, they're packing their bags full of dark weed and heading to the headquarters of the wood elves (WOOD ELVES?) to recruit them in their quest against the Demelith. Will Twee get some NPC's high? Will Tom take a wad of sentient sap to the face? Will Bodhi experience the same cruel fate as another of Brian's characters? Only time will tell.

This week our adventurererers emerge from the mists and discover a little bit about themselves, as well as a small building that Dan may or may not have bullied them into exploring. Will our heroes learn a little too much about Jolly Ranchers? Will they learn too much about Goggo's fetishes? Only time will tell.

As our heroes approach the final leg of their spooooooky journey through Misery's Halo, they encounter a flurry of horrors. And yes, one of the horrors is Goggo's attempts to engage in melee combat. Warning: The episode includes a string of some of the most insane rolls in Nerd Poker history. Will our heroes emerge from the mists unscathed? Will Tom become a were-steed? Only time will tell.

Their new gifts and burdens weighing on their backs, our heroes Bodhi, Twee, and Tom venture deeper into the windy mists that circle Misery's Finger. Their new friend they love to hate, Shmoo, also reaches out again to make contact. Will Dan stop saying "so- uh" a thousand times? Will Goggo get everyone killed by being a creep with a short attention span? Only time will tell.

Our heroes are departing Count Bariss' castle with some gifts they love and one in particular that they DO NOT LOVE AT ALL. They must also make a choice of heading Southeast through a halo of ghosts and a mysterious gate (spooky), or Southwest through a murky mountain pass that a map labels as covered in skeletons (scary). Will they finally engage a beast beyond their means? Will they recognize that the gross new NPC in their party is somewhat of an homage to some stuff? Only time will tell.

The pyrotechnics just keep on comin' as the assault on Count Bariss' castle reaches its epic climax. There are not just damage rolls to be made, but also many, many charisma checks as the party confronts a special someone in sparkly armor. How many wombats with human faces will get cleaved in twain? Will anyone walk away from this encounter not-undead? Only time will tell.

The siege of Count Bariss's castle continues, and as the party digs deeper through its chambers they encounter more and more disturbing abominations, including one of those soda machines with all the flavorings in it. Will everything get set on fire? Will Tom meet the re-animated Netty? No, he won't. But it will be creepy.

Our heroes formally initiate a raid on Count Bariss' castle, leaving a mess on his doorstep before heading through the north tower window. Will they murder everything? Will their alignments change? C'mon, you know the answer. They kill a lot of gross stuff. Bodhi stomps.

As our heroes finish their standoff with the Lunar Elves, they make their way towards the castle of Count Bariss. On the way they meet many creatures that push all of Bodhi's buttons, and it will be a miracle if he doesn't immediately stomp on all of them. Will Brian be forced to change Bodhi's alignment? Will Twee continue to napalm the countryside? Only time will tell.