Nerd Poker

The group enters a room where the NPCs go bonkers, more NPCs are discovered, and they all go bonkers too. Time to light it all up! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

We left our last episode on a cliffhanger- will Queep and Friar Jolly survive the low roll in the swirling green magic tunnel?! Well, Dan kind of cut Ken off so, Ken might actually have a plan. Also first we have to get to a particularly ribald round of listener thanks with a special visit from Billy. We missed you Chris! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

No big deal, just an extremely haunted library to get through, and then our intrepid heroes can descend into the horrors beneath the royal keep. Though all the NPCs are still alive, shocking as that may be, between the four of them only one of them isn't one foot in the grave. Pretty much everyone has been maimed at one point or another. And things are only just starting to get risky.

Chris Tallman is back! Ken is too! The full crew is faced with the prospect of fixing an undead Bunk, who may or may not be in the process of being posessed by the archlich. And, well, leave it to our crew to take a morbid DM choice and basically dare the DM to do it.

Sometimes you just gotta make a giant murder worm explode. Sure there was collateral damage and the room is a pile of rubble, but nobody probably heard anything. Let's just get everyone... mostly patched up and march boldly forth to the north! Sorry no Ken or Chris- Chris will be back soon, and Ken had a last minute thing! We tried to snag everyone, and will ASAP. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Sadly there's no new episode this week, but we are recording and will have it next time!

What's a purple worm fight without a massacre? Well, we sure don't know. Everyone is in pieces and its time to see who can be put back together and who is gonna end up all Humpty Dumpty and shattered on the castle floor. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Things get bleak when it comes to worm murder, and so the riffs get as weird as humanly possible. Sadly no Chris Tallman for a few episodes, but he is doing well and we he'll be back ASAP. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Well, it was bound to happen. A gigantic classic monster exploded up from beneath the royal hall, and is taking chomps from our heroes. As long as everyone rolls well this should all be fine. Right? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

The path cleared, the crew must now crack open the doors to the royal hall, which appear to have been overgrown with magic vines for years, if not decades. It feels pretty unfun, because even though two of our heroes can speak to magic plants, there's probably some other horror waiting on the other side of these doors, because the DM is a dick. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

The royal hall of the lich king is buried in thorns, brambles, and branches. Luckily two of our crew are experienced at dealing with flora, Dr. Uid of course, but also newcomer (and huge fan of Dr. Drew Hugh Uid) Winifred Wintergem. As long as the plant isn't terrifying this should be no problem at all!

A brief message from us to you, the people who make our dreams come true! Look, it's a song! Patreon supporters- our Decemebr bonus eps are still on the way!

After an official, heavily rehearsed Christmas Carol, our crew just might focus enough to take down the gigantic gelantinous cube and the clutch of will-o-wisps. Will they save the mysterious wizard, or will they kinda forget he's there and let him get annihilated? Hell, maybe they will straight up forget they're in combat and do impressions the whole episode. Guess and take bets. and Happy Holidays dear listeners! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

If you've ever wanted to imagine a monk punching acidic jelly, well then today is your day! The battle with the gelatinous cube continues, and hopefully Dan will get to live out his dream of seeing one of his friends' characters get dissolved slowly in suspended animation!

Back to the action! It's time to raid the Royal Hall, which is bound to have more activity within than some of the patrol hallways. And that means the real dungeon crawl is beginning in earnest! Hopefully nobody will already get dissolved!

Nerd Poker is turning 10 years old! And Dan has something sneaky up his sleeve to surprise the rest of the cast, but you get to know before you listen. Gerry shows up, and we all sip wine and Scotch while goofing off, talking about old games, doing bits way off the rails, and generally being dumb.

Our crew has gotten through swarms of harpies, retinues of soldiers, and spooky ancient traps. Now ahead we see the royal hall, the vile archlich king somewhere in its subterannean chambers. Time to rest and make a terrible mistake? Did someone just eat a Mexican pizza? We shall see! Happy Thanksgiving, listeners! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

If progress is to be made towards the lich's keep, first this small sample of his army must be dealt with. And if you're looking for some classic decaptitations, boy do we have an episode for you!

Oh great, they finally found the undead army patrolling the castle. All that stands between our crew and progress are iron portcullises and a inconvenient levers, why'd some dumb evil elves have to mess with us?

There's a lich imprisoned up in the turret, and our crew is still deciding what to do with him exactly. Rob him though? Absolutely. What crew do you think we're talking about anyway?! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Our heroes have hit a bit of an impasse, a giant iron portcullis before them. There's this totally chill, probably not trapped or haunted turret sitting right there, so why not walk up there? What's the worst that could happen? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

After finding some elves unstuck in time, our heroes attempt to escape the abandoned kitchen and catch up with Bunk the halfling, somewhere in a hallway probably not infected with magic pink mold. Probably. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Realizing it's in their best interest to keep a low profile, our crew sneaks through the castle-city's walls, the undead army's ranks mostly missing as they spread throughout the realm in search of other heroes. Surely, sneaking through a largely abandoned undead army wall won't include any untoward surprises! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

As the crew ventures into the outer walls of Vyndarea they begin to realize how old (and weird) the denizens are. But when in doubt, set it all on fire. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

The massive city-castle looming large, our heroes approach from the cliffside. What Telfer-esque horrors loom inside? Probably something with too many fingers that breathes magma. Listen, and find out! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

It's time to loot the harpy cave! Our intrepid crew has slunk up to a mysterious door, the sounds of soft breathing on the other side. What horrors might lie on the other side? Well we can promise you one thing: there is ZERO chance you will see this one coming.

The heroes clean up the harpy mess, we swear, and begin to explore the chambers before them, the vile castle looming large above. Hopefully Bunk doesn't get himself murdered by teleporting into a harpy pile again. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Our heroes pull out all the stops in their first battle- silver flames are summoned and magical songs are sung, while arm blades slash, axes fly, and Dr. Uid's forehead vein pulses. But the gravity of the situation is suddenly clear as a filth cloud threatens to take down everyone, even though they've just met. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Looks like the first fight of the campaign is a bloody one, as dozens of harpies begin to dogpile our heroes and the hit points begin to disappear. Hopefully everyone has the stamina, and the level 8 powers, that they need to make it out alive. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Looks like the cave has all those eyeless owl harpies you ordered! After deftly disarming a trap and interrogating a corpse, it's time to test our heroes' mettle in combat! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

As our crew commits to travelling through the caves, the harpy encounter is imminent. Hopefully Ronnie is used to his role as "leader" because his friends will need his help if they want to avoid becoming the food of eyeless barn owl creatures. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Our wary party has begun their trek into the misty caves, and it's not long before things get super creepy. Sadly the entire boat full of heroes isn't along for the dungeon crawl together, but we get a chance to get to know everyone, even Bunk the Donkeyland halfling, a little bit better. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

They haven't even been dropped off at the main quest yet, and already our crew is getting into spectral boat related mayhem, and confusing NPCs who may or may not want to join the party. It remains to be seen whether the party will make it into the dungeon! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

It's time to meet a brand new cast of characters, as the season begins on a boat piloted by a drunken fairy named Goggo, as it heads to an evil castle. The dreaded king and archlich Vallux lies within, and it's up to a very ragtag and boisterous crew to stop him! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Before every campaign, there is planning! And we thought that this time we'd let listeners be privvy to all of it. Enjoy hanging out with all of us as we contemplate whether to create new characters, bring back old ones, or create a spin that ties both together (which is what one of us does). Soon these five folks will delve into the dark castle of Vyndairea, solving puzzles and slaying evil beings in the hopes of slaying an archlich. We're excited to be back! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Dan checks in with everyone to let them know a new adventure starts very soon, but you can catch up on a bazillion exclusive adventures over on patreon.com/nerdpoker. Listen all the way through for some hints of what Season 5 has in store!

Behold! Whilst we get ready for Season 5, enjoy this early 2020 bonus episode straight from Brian's house! Kevin Sussman from The Big Bang Theory comes by and takes our crew on one of their more... chaotic adventures. We hope you can come support us on www.patreon.com/nerdpoker and help keep this podcast alive!

The battle peaks. Lives in the balance. A small being's silhouette sits upon the steering wheel of a ship.

The vampire who has cornered the cuties seems to have summoned his greatest monster, a shadowy demon that now sucks life from the cuties one by one. Also this is a morning recording on a Monday, enjoy the odd change in tone! We're more awake and yet somehow more weary at the same time.

The summoned monsters are dropping but so are our heroes, and it's a relatively tense fight all around. Luckily Sam posts an accidental cut and paste link in the chat at the end to break the tension!

The mess in the temple is only getting messier. Will the Castaway Cuties make it out alive? Well, some of them anyway?

Trapped in the Temple of Bahamut (which you know, doesn't sound bad on its own) an eerie voice calls to the Castaway Cuties through the blocked door. Hopefully the Dungeon Master hasn't recently watched the movie Green Room! Oh wait he did...

Time to finally shatter this phylactery. Hopefully. Should be simple. Just a big old demon lord stuck to it, should be no big deal. And no big that the Castaway Cuties feel like they're being watched. This campaign should wrap up real nice and easy!

The finish line is seemingly only inches away, as the Castaway Cuties and their new barbarian friend approach the temple of Bahamut beneath Flaysacolan ruins. Hopefully the creepy glowing green eyes in the dark are friendly!

The Castaway Cuties know where they want to go, but unfortunately it's something they only really visited in another timeline. All they have to do is get past some undead elf soldiers. Seems like not much can go wrong!

The last bits of the battle need to be tidied up, and a helpful new adventurer arrives to join the Castaway Cuties.

While the swarm of guards is thinning out, the Castaway Cuties are running out of spell slots, hit points, and death saves. We shan't say more, this one is a must-listen.

Well, we all knew things might end up messy when our crew snuck under some gallows and then picked a fight with an army. As hit points start to run low for everyone, it sure would be nice to take a short rest wouldn't it?

Undead elf knights pile on the Castaway Cuties, as well as something even more disgusting. At least they're not squishing around under the gallows anymore!

Undead knights everywhere? So what? The Castaway Cuties never let something like that stop them from their destination. And we all know how foolproof a stealth-based plan is in Dungeons and Dragons.