Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about making a big decision. Today's caller, Catherine, is considering moving in with her boyfriend but isn't sure whether or not she is ready. She would like guidance on how to make a big decision. We discuss how she can use the intuitive decision-making process to become clear about what she wants and the learning opportunities of relationships. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode359] When we feel that we have to make every decision on our own, it can keep us from speaking our needs in relationships. To break the pattern of feeling like you have to do everything on your own requires speaking your needs and asking for help and support. In the masculine-feminine dynamic when we are doing things on our own, not in collaboration, we can lean a bit too much into our masculine energy. It is important to stretch ourselves, but not stretch ourselves so much that we snap. If we want continued progress in our life we stretch ourselves just enough where we feel the stretch but we don't snap. An issue-based relationship is where the chemistry is really hot and heavy early on but what is really attracting the partners is unresolved issues. You may find yourself attracted to someone who is like your mother or father or who triggers your insecurities or biggest wounds. We tend to draw in relationships that have tons of red flags but the passion and chemistry keep us going back for more. The learning opportunity of issue-based relationships is to heal the wound that attracts us to a person in the first place. I'm happy to announce that my next Women's Retreat will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this life-changing opportunity. Consider/Ask Yourself: Is there a big decision you are considering making? Do you want to make a change but you don't know if it's too extreme or a great challenge? Are you someone who likes to have certainty in your life? In a relationship, have you tried to change the other person rather than taking full responsibility for how you are showing up? Catherine's Question: Catherine would like guidance about her relationship and about whether or not she should move in with her partner. Catherine's Key Insights and Ahas: She has been dating her partner for five months. She is concerned about the stability of the relationship. Her intuition is nudging her to take an adventure. She and her partner live hours apart. The relationship has been a bit rocky. She changed her expectations of men after research. She is unsure about how to lean into her femininity. She is afraid to trust. There is a lot of change presenting itself to her. She is learning things during her decision-making process. She tends to make all-or-nothing decisions. She is looking to take responsibility for her part in the relationship. She is ready to receive love. How to Get Over It and On With It: Do the intuitive decision-making process and listen to her body. Make agreements with her partner about how they will live together. Clean up her end of the relationship. Sponsor: Cured — Would you like to feel plugged in without an extra cup of coffee or two? RISE is formulated by an in-house herbalist and is all about getting an extra boost of energy. To help you stay laser-focused on your goals and reduce your caffeine intake, RISE includes Lion's Mane & Cordyceps mushrooms, ginseng, broad-spectrum CBD, and more. Go to Curednutrition.com/OVERIT and use the promo code OVERIT at check out for 20% off. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Do you exhibit a type of behavior or personality trait you don't necessarily love about yourself? It could be moodiness or it could be being extremely judgmental or it could be an emotional state you have a tendency to default to like sadness, worry, anger or fear. Women often have a difficult time dealing with anger because we have not been encouraged to express it. We may default to sadness which limits us from reaching our passion and our fire. We suppress our emotions and any big emotion we suppress will eventually leak. Anger becomes irritability, sadness becomes depression and shame comes out as insecurity. Suppressed emotions can also lead to physical ailments. It is not healthy to suppress our emotions. Today's caller Monica acknowledges her own moodiness and is wondering if it is something she can change or if it's a fixed personality trait. She suppresses her anger and doesn't speak her truth. If there is something about you that does not feel good to you, like moodiness, you can change it. You just need to uncover why it's there in the first place. Moodiness can be a messenger that you may be suppressing pent up anger and frustration. It is liberating to express your anger and be free of the moodiness. I invite all of you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail [email protected] for information on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July for my signature retreat. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Is there something about you that you would like to change? Is it an inherent part of your personality or do you believe you can change it? Are you willing to do the work to change it? ● Do you experience times when you are irritable or snap at someone? How do you express your anger? ● Do you feel self-expressed? Do you fully feel your feelings? Monica's Question: Monica recognizes she is a moody person and would like to know if she is able to shift out of it or if it is part of her personality. Monica's Key Insights and Aha's: ● Her moodiness stems from suppressing her anger ● When she speaks her truth she feels shut down ● She has trouble expressing herself ● She doesn't like conflict ● She becomes the victim, as a coping strategy How to get over it and on with it: ● Realize her irritability and bluntness are actually inner anger leaking out ● She should do the Temper Tantrum technique and 32 days of the Release Writing technique, which are in her copy of Expectation Hangover ● She should step away from the conversation and get her anger out, on her own Tools and Takeaways: ● Identify the ways you may be leaking. Know where you are suppressing and how you may be expressing it in other ways. ● If you sense you may have anger you have yet to acknowledge, start Release Writing. ● Work through the emotional section of Expectation Hangover, in particular, the Adult Temper Tantrum and Release Writing techniques. ● Speak your truth and process your raw feelings to eliminate suppression. Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter@christinehassler on Instagram [email protected] [email protected]

This episode is about understanding why we do the things we do and how to heal. Today's caller, Donna, endured traumatic experiences as a child. She eats for comfort because she was not nurtured or prioritized as a child. People don't start emotionally eating if they grew up in a family where they felt safe to express their emotions. We talk about two great actionable tools you can use if you struggle with emotional or binge eating, or not feeling like you have worth. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode358] Every little child needs to feel nurtured and soothed when they have feelings. When we have a super-traumatized part of ourselves we need to figure out a way to flood the system with a sensory experience. Some people choose drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, and some choose food. Food offers a flood of sensory experiences so it helps to keep the trauma hidden. It is amazing how much we judge ourselves for the challenges we have. We often don't understand why it is not easy to change or do things differently when what we are doing is completely reasonable based on our trauma. It's not that it is okay to use trauma as a scapegoat for the rest of our lives, however, we must acknowledge our story and understand that, of course, we are dealing with things the way we do. We must have compassion for ourselves before we can change. No one has ever healed in the energy of judgment. No one has ever healed by beating the crap out of themselves. No one has ever healed believing they are still broken. We want to honor and acknowledge our past and understand that it makes sense that it is difficult or harder for us to change. The only way to break out of the pattern of not feeling like we are a priority is to find the source, then perform the daily practice of looking in the mirror, being present with ourselves, and saying I love you. The Inner Child workshop is a tool that helps us reconnect with our little one and facilitates healing. Find the recorded version of the Inner Child workshop here. Consider/Ask Yourself: Did you grow up in a household where you could express your feelings or did you have to swallow your feelings? Do you struggle with binge or emotional eating? Do you use food to comfort or soothe? Is it hard for you to make yourself a priority? Are you there for everyone else but not there for yourself? Were you truly mothered? Donna's Question: Donna would like guidance on how to make herself a priority. Donna's Key Insights and Ahas: She has difficulty prioritizing herself because she never felt she was a priority. She uses food to manage her emotions. Her mother attempted suicide when she was young. She was physically abused at a daycare facility. She lost her brother when she was thirteen. She has very few conscious memories of her youth. Her memories have manifested as nightmares. She leaned on her sister to make her feel safe. She is searching for comfort. Food has been her mother in many ways. Her mother passed away last year. She missed out on nurture. She is a people-pleaser. She mothers herself by giving herself pep talks. She doesn't nurture herself. Her mother never told her she loved her. She has everything she needs within. She is not broken. How to Get Over It and On With It: Rephrase how she describes her eating for comfort. When she becomes aware she is eating for comfort, grab her cuddle bear and imagine herself as a child. Tell herself every day that she is loved. Sponsor: Cured — Would you like to feel plugged in without an extra cup of coffee, or two? RISE is formulated by an in-house herbalist and is all about getting an extra boost of energy. To help you stay laser-focused on your goals and reduce your caffeine intake, RISE includes Lion's Mane & Cordyceps mushrooms, ginseng, broad-spectrum CBD, and more. Go to Curednutrition.com/OVERIT and use the promo code OVERIT at check out for 20% off. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about asking for what you need in relationships. Today's caller, Megan, feels overwhelmed when faced with too many choices and is afraid to be truly seen. She doesn't want her pattern of uncertainty to sabotage her new relationship. Like in many coaching sessions, her initial question isn't exactly what we focus on. This is for anyone who has trouble making decisions, doubts themselves, or is in sabotaging patterns. For empaths, love can feel overwhelming because we love so deeply. When we are in a relationship it can feel smothering and overwhelming. Instead of communicating that we need boundaries and space with love we are often afraid of confrontation or don't want to make the other person upset. So, we unconsciously push them away by either judging them internally, nitpicking, or acting out in other ways. Empaths need to know what they need — especially at the beginning of the relationship. When you are first dating someone you need to be vocal and ask for what you need. Boundaries in a relationship and asking for what you need is important. That way you don't have to build walls. You can have a door and that door can be open most of the time but sometimes you need to shut it and put on the do not disturb sign. The people in your life that love you will understand. It will allow them to spend time with themselves. When our heart is broken either through a breakup or the death of someone, we want to love again but we are scared because it feels risky. Fear of making the wrong decision will keep you from making the decision. Basically, fear complicates everything in your life. The more you can drop into love and your inner knowing and move out of the energy of fear the more clarity you will have in all aspects of your life. I am a proud sponsor of B-school which is an online training program for modern entrepreneurs taught by Marie Forleo. When you register through my link you will receive special bonuses from me. I include four group coaching calls of 90 min each, four custom meditations for entrepreneurs, access to my Facebook group, a one day retreat, plus free access to my master class for coaches. Go to ChristineHassler.com/bschool or email [email protected] for more information. For free training videos from Marie go to ChristineHassler.com/training.

This episode is about taking the action steps to get out of a toxic relationship. Today's caller, Sara, grew up in a traumatic home and recently broke up from a severely toxic relationship. She has such a high tolerance for trauma and toxicity, she hesitates to take the logistical action steps needed to remove herself and her daughter from the toxic environment. It may be difficult to listen to but you will also hear her strength, heart, and resilience. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode357] It can be hard to see how unhealthy a relationship is when we have a high tolerance for abusive behavior. When we are in situations that trigger trauma, it is tricky because oftentimes, there are action steps we need to take to change the real-world reality of things. We have to put our deeper healing aside for the moment and take immediate action. It is hard to make rational decisions when we are emotionally triggered. Allowing other people to tell us we are damaged or to tell us what our issues are is toxic behavior. We don't need someone else to tell us that we are not healed or are broken. Whatever someone projects onto us is a reflection of their issues. This behavior is abusive and gaslighting. It is a massive red flag! Don't let them take your power away. No one has the authority to evaluate your wholeness or issues. If there is someone in your life who is doing that to you, RUN! Coaches — When someone is in a breakup situation that involves legal stuff and needs protection, it is not the time to do deep somatic trauma work on their childhood. When someone doesn't feel safe in their immediate situation their nervous system isn't regulated, there is a fine line between guiding people towards their own answers and getting a strong feeling to give direct feedback. A coach's job is to do a little bit of both. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you shoulda/coulda/woulding all over yourself? Is there something that happened in your past you wish could be different now? Are you beating yourself up with "What Ifs"? Did you have a traumatic childhood and are you repeating it in your adult life? Do you think you may be in a toxic or unhealthy relationship? Do you see yourself as broken or allow yourself to be told who you are? Sara's Question: Sara is going through a brutal breakup after three years together with an unhealthy, controlling person. She would like guidance on how to move forward in her life. Sara's Key Insights and Ahas: This is her first serious relationship. She believed her ex to be her forever relationship. They have a child together. She feels she brought toxicity into the relationship based on her past. Her ex is 20 years older than she is. Her ex is very controlling and expects perfection. She had mental breakdowns during the relationship. She doesn't have much support because maintains distance from her family. She doesn't have a history of mental breakdowns. She had postpartum depression. There is gaslighting and narcissism in the relationship. She has lost herself in this relationship. She feels stuck and doesn't have many resources at her disposal. She has wounds that create low-self worth. She allows other people to degrade her. She had spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical abuse in her childhood. She has PTSD when it comes to transitions. She feels like a hopeless prisoner in her relationship. She has an opportunity to live with a friend. How to Get Over It and On With It: Change the way she sees the breakup to consider it a relief that she is getting out of a toxic relationship. Acknowledge her strength and know she is not broken. Realize there is nothing she could have done to change the situation. Stop wasting time ruminating over what could be and start thinking about what she will do for herself and her baby. Reach out to her friend for logistical support. Play offensively, take charge, and have her boundaries up. Continue to work with a therapist and advocates who can help her make sound decisions when she is emotionally triggered. Sponsor: Cured — Would you like to feel plugged in without an extra cup of coffee, or two? RISE is formulated by an in-house herbalist and is all about getting an extra boost of energy. To help you stay laser-focused on your goals and reduce your caffeine intake, RISE includes Lion's Mane & Cordyceps mushrooms, ginseng, broad-spectrum CBD, and more. Go to Curednutrition.com/OVERIT and use the promo code OVERIT at check out for 20% off. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certifi

This episode is about never feeling good enough and always looking for what could go wrong. Today's caller, Dana, didn't have her needs met as a child and built a protective pattern to help her cope with her abandonment wound. We work through ways to calm her nervous system and feel safe when asking for what she needs. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode356] Whether or not you grew up in a house where you felt like your needs were not met, all of us can relate to feeling not good enough, or the feeling that things in our lives are not good enough. Or, we can be either incredibly critical of ourselves or other people. We get ourselves into a vicious cycle. When we have unmet needs, especially if we were raised in a way where we couldn't have an outburst, had to be the good kid, or had to keep it together, it caused us to keep stuff inside. Those of us who had to withhold a lot as children can be mean to people internally but when it comes to saying something externally, we cower. When we have awareness about one of our protective patterns, we don't want to expect that we are immediately going to change it. That would just set us up for an Expectation Hangover and offer us more opportunities to beat ourselves up. The purpose of personal development is not an overnight transformation. As evolving human beings, personal transformation is more about gaining awareness. We can spot the patterns we fall into and then work with ourselves while we are in the pattern. True transformation comes when we find ourselves in the trigger, habit, or reaction and we become aware we are in it then, we choose differently. My next Women's Retreat will be held in Austin on October 7‒9, 2022. I will post the website and open enrollment soon! Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have the feeling of never feeling good enough? Do you constantly look for what is wrong in a situation, or what could go wrong, and have a hard time finding peace and joy in what is? Did you grow up in a house where your needs were not met and you have a hard time communicating your needs now? Do you have a hard time being present and slowing down? Are you always thinking of what you have to do next? Dana's Question: Dana would like to understand why no matter what she does or achieves it never feels enough. Dana's Key Insights and Ahas: She is an achiever and is viewed as blessed. She finds fault with her husband in almost everything he does. She is always thinking about what comes next. She has an abandonment wound from her alcoholic father. Her mother was very young and always working. She over-achieves as a protective pattern. As a child, she always wanted to be accepted, heard, and understood. She looks for what is wrong so she can prepare for it. She has never had her needs met and is a bit angry because of it. She is afraid to trust the good things in her life. She is waiting for her partner to disappoint her. There is an intimacy-affection need that is not being met in her relationship. She needs a strong circle of friends around her. She doesn't feel worthy of friendship and connectedness. She craves intimacy. She doesn't know how to celebrate success. She holds a lot of tension and is often on edge. How to Get Over It and On With It: Work with her protective pattern and know it is safe to trust the good in her life. Practice opening her heart and being less judgmental of herself. Focus on contentment and allow herself a moment to relax and feel relief in the moment. Breathe love into her heart and belly and tell herself she is safe. Bring conscious awareness to what she needs. Sponsor: Cured — If you feel anxiety or that it is hard to go to sleep, you may want to give Zen a try. Zen is formulated by an in-house herbalist and is all about being calm and relaxed. To help you sleep and regulate your nervous system, Zen includes Reishi mushrooms, magnesium, CBD, and more. Go to Curednutrition.com/OVERIT and use the promo code OVERIT at check out for 20% off. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Guest on Getting Unstuck with Jillian Michaels

This episode is about opening our hearts by diving deep into our grief. Today's caller, Sarah, lost her father unexpectedly. It was not the way she planned to go through the transition. She is moving through grief and feels resistance to grief. We talk about how she can receive more support and know that she doesn't have to do it on her own. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode355] The reality that our parents will die is something we all know. But, as it gets closer it is difficult to deal with. Whenever we have a looming feeling that something is close, we grasp onto anything that makes us feel like we have some sense of control. We all have our coping strategies to bypass our feelings. Going into our feelings can make us feel out of control. How do we feel more in control? We control. This is a strategy that is rewarded because when we control things we are seen as productive, and efficient. But we don't give ourselves the grace to fall apart and we need to fall apart sometimes. Often, it is in the falling apart that we crack our heart open to fully grieve and truly feel what we need to feel so we are not suppressing, which causes disease within our body and spirit. The more we don't allow ourselves to fall into the sea of grief, the more we are treading water, it seems like we are functioning; there is always a low-level suppression so, over time, it does impact us. When we have a way to swim through the sea of grief and we have markers, it doesn't feel as daunting. Consider/Ask Yourself: Did something happen that didn't go the way you planned and you're having a hard time accepting it? Have you recently lost a parent or someone close to you or are you anticipating the loss of a parent soon? Do you attempt to control, plan, and strategize things when you feel helpless or that you don't know what to do? Are you afraid of grief because you think it is a pit you will fall into and never be able to get out? Sarah's Question: Sarah is experiencing grief because her father passed somewhat unexpectedly but is not allowing herself to fully feel it. Sarah's Key Insights and Ahas: She prepared for her father's passing for years. She feels he was ripped away from her. Control is a coping strategy for her. Her father never wanted to be a burden. She didn't want her father to suffer. She blames herself when she doesn't get the results she wants. How to Get Over It and On With It: Release her need for control. Honor the love she felt for her father by fully allowing herself to grieve. Tell people she needs time to grieve and be open to their support. When she drops into grief, play the song she and her father connected with. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Dr. Judith Orloff is a New York Times bestselling author, psychiatrist and is on the UCLA psychiatric clinical faculty. Dr. Orloff specializes in treating empaths and sensitive people in her Los Angeles based private practice. Judith Orloff MD asserts that we are keepers of an innate intuitive intelligence so perceptive that it can tell us how to heal — and prevent — illness. Yet intuition and spirituality are the very aspects of our wisdom usually disenfranchised from traditional health care. Dr. Orloff's latest book "The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People" (Sounds True, 2017) is an invaluable resource to help sensitive people of all kinds develop healthy coping mechanisms in our high-stimulus world without experiencing compassion fatigue or burnout. Empaths can then fully embody their gifts of intuition, creativity, and compassion. Dr. Orloff's work has been featured all over the world in various media outlets. You can learn more about at www.drjudithorloff.com.

This episode is about how to get over heartbreak and open ourselves up to love again. Today's caller, Gabriella, went through a recent breakup and wants guidance on how she can trust herself to not have her heart broken again. We never want to enter any situation hoping that what happened in the past doesn't happen again. We discuss ways she can release her fears and open up to love to have a tender experience. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode354] When we have a heartbreak, we tend to look at how we can prevent it in the future, but that is a limiting way to look at it. Instead, we can consider how we can leverage the heartbreak and heartache to open our hearts up even more. After a breakup, ask yourself proactive questions such as: What did you learn from the relationship? Who do you want to be, in a relationship? What do you need in a relationship? What are the red flags you may have overlooked? How did you show up in the relationship that you don't want to duplicate? What values do you have? We learn to trust ourselves by taking care of ourselves. If you feel you need an extra layer of support so you don't fall into the same hole twice, allow yourself a misstep or two. If trusting yourself is hard, take steps to make it easier. Take baby steps. If you are nervous about making the same mistake twice or opening your heart again, think about the action steps you need to put in place so that you feel safer. When it comes to love, it is risky sometimes. We cannot prevent getting hurt. Love is tender but the risk is worth it. The reward of opening your heart and finding an aligned partnership or friendship is worth any risk. If you feel that something is missing in your life you may be focusing too much on what's missing and not paying enough attention or gratitude to what you have. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you going through a breakup or maybe haven't gotten over one from your past? Do you not trust yourself when it comes to making the right decision when it comes to your next relationship? Are you romanticizing your past relationship or are you a hopeless romantic? What do you believe the purpose of a romantic relationship is? Gabriella's Question: Gabriella would like guidance on how to listen to her intuition, trust herself, and keep her heart open to a new relationship. Gabriella's Key Insights and Ahas: She was in an intense relationship that ended recently. She believed her past partner was THE one. She is afraid of future heartbreak. She was blindsided and deeply hurt. She is in the beginning stages of her life. She became more self-aware and grew because of the breakup. She is a bit of a hopeless romantic. She had an inner child abandonment wound. She does inner child work and it helps. She is aware of her anxious attachment style. She doesn't trust herself completely. She fears leaving people behind as she grows. She took some months away from dating. She loves being in love and partnership. She is in the middle of a career change. The ending of the relationship has been a catalyst for her breakthroughs. She understands that she is not in control and to go into new things with an open heart and open eyes. How to Get Over It and On With It: Write a letter, something tangible, to herself about her red flags and share it with someone she trusts and ask them to hold her accountable. Make dating a discovery process about herself and the other person. Be grateful for the experience, do the healing, and move forward. Takeaways: If you are going through a breakup or transition, consider the questions you are asking yourself and challenge yourself. Are they productive questions? Are they getting you anywhere? If you relate to being a hopeless romantic, take off your rose-colored glasses. Redefine what your definition of romance is. Remember, we may outgrow certain people. But it opens us up to meet people who are more aligned and more in the right vibration. Write out a plan of all the things you learned and the red flags you ignored. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

The heart of this coaching session is about self-compassion. Steve has been in his masculine and repressing his pain for much of his life. Another level of his pain is surfacing and that's because his unconscious knows he is ready to deal with it. If you are at a point in your life where you feel like you have done a lot of personal growth work but pain is resurfacing in your life you do not want to miss this episode. It takes a lot of energy to repress pain. And, that's why it feels hard to move forward in our lives, it feels hard to get a career off the ground, or to connect in relationships because we are unconsciously suppressing a lot of pain. Pain wants to come up and out. Our bodies don't want to hold terrible memories or trauma inside. Our unconscious mind wants to let it go. So, it continues to make us feel uncomfortable until we deal with it. Not just mentally, but emotionally as well. It may be difficult to go back and to feel the pain of your childhood but you are feeling it anyway, 24/7 — it is just repressed. It is healthier to go into it and feel it fully with self-compassion so it can come up and out. When pain doesn't have a way to express with compassion, it sits inside you dormant and continues to drive your choices and behaviors. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel like you have hit a point where things were going well but old stuff started to come up? If you are a man, do you have difficulty feeling vulnerable? Do you judge it as weakness? Is vulnerability awkward for you? Maybe, it's OK for others to be vulnerable but it's hard for you? Do you trust yourself? Do you trust your decisions? Do you feel safe with your pain? Do you find yourself jumping to forgiveness too quickly? Are you able to mentally understand and justify things that have happened in your life but you notice the pain is still there? Steve's Question: Steve is struggling with worrying about what other people think of him for what he believes to be the first time in his life. Steve's Key Insights and Ahas: He's always had to prove himself. He has tried to be different his entire life. He joined a gang as a teenager. He hasn't forgiven himself for betraying himself. His experience built loyalty. He is able to relate to many different types of people. He has a warrior spirit. His girlfriend was murdered. He didn't have a relationship with his father. He is in the process of up-leveling. He wants to eliminate his pain completely. How to Get Over It and On With It: He needs to quit judging himself and create a space to be vulnerable. He needs to trust himself more. He needs to spend time feeling his feelings. He needs to do the emotional section of Expectation Hangover. He should write down what being a loving father to himself looks like. Sponsors: Express — No time for an outfit change after work? Express rewrites the rules of dressing for a job, with style by delivering fashion-forward essentials to your door. Express has pants, work tops, dresses, and more. Listeners to Over It and On With It will receive $25 off when you spend $100 by using the code 'Christine' at checkout. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Watch Christine Hassler on YouTube — Hit Subscribe! Christine's Personal Mastery Course Expectation Hangover Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Christine's Books @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram [email protected] — If you want to be a guest on this show.

This episode is about understanding why we have uncertainty when making decisions. Today's caller, Kathy, wants to know how to make a decision about something important to her. She is hesitating and feels that it has been a pattern throughout her life. We discuss what in her past may have caused her hesitancy and how to clear the blocks she has around making decisions. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode353] When we feel we don't know what to do, or we don't feel like making a decision at the moment, it actually is a decision. Oftentimes, we beat ourselves up when we feel we should decide something and we become frustrated that we can't decide. Our pause, and the not knowing, is the window of time we need to get clarity. Many of us agonize over making a decision about whether it will be right or wrong. We may feel panic when a certain subject comes up. And, when panic comes up, it is often because of that unspoken fear. But, whenever we have trouble making decisions it usually means we don't trust our inner wisdom. If we trusted ourselves fully, we wouldn't agonize over the decision-making process. Everyone to some degree agonizes over decisions from time to time, especially big decisions. It may be that we resist making a decision about marriage and/or children because our family of origin wounds are still raw. Our inner child may not be ready to get into that trauma again. We may think it is our present-day self that is feeling the resistance or lack of excitement, but it is our inner child that is feeling it. If your head is making your decisions, you will make decisions from a place of fear. If you make decisions from the heart, it is the heart's job to make decisions from love. The head keeps us safe. But when we play it too safe, we block love and we don't get to see what is possible. Consider/Ask Yourself: Is there a conversation, question, or thought that brings up panic or anxiety for you? Do you want something in your life but are scared of it? As a child, did you have a lot of opportunities to make decisions, or were your decisions made for you? Were you sheltered or protected? Do you trust yourself to make a choice and to deal with the consequences? Kathy's Question: Kathy feels she may be making some decisions out of fear and would like guidance about how to trust in her decision-making process. Kathy's Key Insights and Ahas: When conversations concerning marriage and children come about she is resisting talking about them. She doesn't trust her decision-making process. She was sheltered as a child. She didn't have to work through big issues. She may have a rigid personality pattern. She has made decisions on a whim. She has a fierce inner critic. She is worried about making the wrong decision. Her parents respected and loved each other. She is clear that she wants a family. She and her partner come from different backgrounds. She worries about the compromises she may have to make in the future. She fears her partner is not being honest about where he wants to live. She may be withholding information from her partner about how she feels. How to Get Over It and On With It: Listen to the Coaches Corner with Steven Kessler about the Five Personality Patterns. Turn her concerns into curiosity. Be okay with not knowing what to do. Speak with her partner about her true feelings. Don't focus on what may go wrong when she makes a decision. Let her head and heart work together. Open your heart to possibilities. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about being your authentic self and speaking your truth. I coach today's caller, Judy, through her feelings of isolation, and empower her to have an honest conversation with her husband, and herself, about her needs. Loneliness is an epidemic, especially in this day and age when so many of us live alone. We are not close to our family geographically, or we don't have a soul family or community to be a part of. We need a healing connection. We need to feel part of something, part of a tribe. We need to feel connected to ourselves. What often perpetuates a feeling of loneliness is a disconnection to ourselves that comes from judging ourselves and being hard on ourselves. If you suffer from loneliness or a lack of self-esteem you are not alone. Let the fact that you are not alone motivate you to gain confidence and to connect with a community. Speaking your truth is when you say what's true for you, and you are able to communicate your needs. When are you not speaking your truth? Many of us think people pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. The more you show the real you, and the more authentic you are, your relationship with yourself will improve, your self-esteem will improve, and the intimacy and connection you have with other people will also improve. It's great to make other people happy but it's more important to please ourselves first, by making self-honoring choices. People pleasing could be the reason you are feeling isolated. On some level, people pleasing is draining. Drop the people pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices and get out there and find your tribe! Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection? Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own? Are you a people pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority? Do you find it challenging to speak your truth? Judy's Question: Judy wants to know how to find herself and how to raise her self-esteem. Judy's Key Insights and Ahas: She has been continuously moving for a year. Her husband tries to support her but he doesn't really get it. Her husband has a stronger personality than she does. She's dependent on her husband and doesn't go places on her own. She always puts other people first. She has a hard time saying no. She takes care of people, hoping it will help to build intimacy. How to Get Over It and On With It: She should be honest and vulnerable with her husband about her feelings. She should speak up when she feels she wants to say something. She should lean more into authenticity and less into people pleasing. She should spend some time on her own engaging with other people. Takeaways: If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex, and would like to improve your masculine/feminine communication dynamics, consider studying the subject more. If you are feeling isolated, start with a goal of talking to five new people every day, and then build on that number. Start getting yourself out there and finding your tribe. Speak your truth authentically. If you have trouble doing it, join the Inner Circle community. Authenticity is this month's area of focus. Communicate your needs to the most important people in your life. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Inner Circle Membership Community @ChristinHassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram [email protected] Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life, by Christine Hassler The Queen's Code, by Alison A. Armstrong Understand Men PAX Program by Alison Armstrong David Deida

This episode is about embodying the personal development work we do. Today's caller, Dominique, would like to have a relationship with her sister. There is a lot of family history and many things have happened between them. She wants a closer relationship but her sister is not doing the work. We discuss ways she can not take things personally and how she can be the change she wants to see. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode352] When we are learning about ourselves and digging up old wounds, going back to the source is intense. Everything can feel amplified and we tend to be more sensitive to triggers, especially around our family. Personal development is not an overnight process and we need to look at triggers as opportunities for growth. When we constantly want people to be different, we are constantly disappointed and triggered. We waste time and energy that we could be spending doing our own work. We create the possibility of people being different when we are different. When we are the change we want to see. It is the best advertisement for anyone to want a different relationship with us. When we say yes to being any kind of facilitator, coach, or therapist any time we work with people's emotions and their past, all of our stuff comes forward. We have to show up in a way that is embodied to help others. You can read all the books and read all the theories but until you do the work and embody it, how are you going to help people? Mark October 7‒9, 2022 on your calendar as I am called to facilitate another Women's Signature Retreat! It will be in Austin, Texas. More details to follow. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you in a dynamic where you want a more vulnerable, deeper connection but the other person isn't? Do you continue to be triggered in certain family situations or a relationship dynamic? Does someone make you feel rejected, judged, or dismissed? Are you doing the work and feel as if you had made progress but then, when with your family, you get triggered? Dominique's Question: Dominique gets triggered by her sister. She would like to share a deeper connection with her but is not sure how to get there. Dominique's Key Insights and Ahas: She is in grad school to become a therapist. She has faced her childhood trauma and the toxic dynamic within her family. She has been a people-pleaser. She had a psychological and spiritual awakening. She is the middle child in an immigrant family. Her younger sister patronizes her and disrespects her. She craves attention and love from her sister. She has more awareness than her sister. Her inner child gets defensive and she retreats inside herself. How to Get Over It and On With It: Accept that her sister's soul may not be ready to do the deep work. Do not take her sister's actions personally and honor her boundaries. Ask her sister for clarity about the things she says while maintaining a high vibration. Set an intention to find her soul sisters. Let her sister see her be loving and embodying the change she would like to see. Be gentle with herself during this process. Perform a ritual to ground herself before meeting with her family. Remove expectations of herself and others and accept where everyone is. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Guest on The Optimal Body Podcast: Calling in the One with Christine Hassler

This episode is about taking the pressure off of a decision. Today's callers, Demi and James, have different religions but both value faith. They have both drawn in someone who challenges their rigidity in their belief systems. They would like guidance on whether or not their differences can be overcome. We work through that it is possible to understand another person's belief system without making it wrong and that we can believe different things and still love each other. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode351] The purpose of a relationship isn't to get married at a certain time or to have a certain number of kids. Remember, everything in life is for our growth and evolution and to move us out of judgment and fear and more into love. In relationships, we are not always going to agree. It's important that we have differences in relationships because we don't want to marry ourselves. But, our differences can't be extreme. We can differ in personality and preferences. For example, we don't have to be compatible in terms of liking the same music but we do need to have the same values. We can believe different things but we can still love each other. If you zoom out of all the guidelines and beliefs of all religions, what it all comes down to is love. Whatever God or religion you believe in, it is about love. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you ever been or are you in a situation where you may have to compromise about a value that is important to you? Have you ever broken up or not dated someone because they don't subscribe to the same political ideology or they are not of the same religion? Or, have you written someone off because you consider those things a dealbreaker? Are you in a relationship where you had potential deal breakers but you've found your way through or are you in a relationship now where you wonder if something is a dealbreaker? Demi and James's Question: Demi and James have different religious beliefs and would like to know if it will become an issue that cannot be overcome. Demi and James's Key Insights and Ahas: They are taking a break from their relationship. They are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome the differences. James questions his beliefs. James is finding it difficult to overcome the religious differences. They get stuck when it comes to how to raise their children. Demi believes being Jewish is not something you can walk away from. There are some aspects of Christianity that seem unhealthy to Demi. Demi admires James for his faith. James is hurt because he feels as if his Christian identity is the enemy. This is the best relationship Demi has ever been in. They have a hard time defining boundaries. They have mutual respect. Demi is afraid to wait for a year because of her age. How to Get Over It and On With It: Look at the relationship through the eyes of love. Date for a year to figure out how they work as a couple without deciding whether or not the relationship is long-term. If they do work after a year, seek out a counselor who specializes in blended faiths. Talk about their values and dreams they can get excited about together. Takeaway: If you are trying to make a big decision about something, where are you putting too much pressure on yourself? Maybe it's not time to make a decision. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you ever struggle with anxiety, worry or even depression, do NOT miss this episode. One of the leading voices in personal development and transformation and an international bestselling author Mel Robbins joins Christine and gives a TON of soothing and practical advice for creating more calm in your life. Mel's work includes the global phenomenon The 5 Second Rule, the upcoming The High 5 Habit, four #1 bestselling audiobooks, the #1 podcast on Audible, as well as signature online courses that have changed the lives of more than half a million students worldwide. Her groundbreaking work on behavior change has been translated into 36 languages and is used by healthcare professionals, veterans' organizations, and the world's leading brands to inspire people to be more confident, effective, and fulfilled. As one of the most widely booked and followed public speakers in the world, Mel coaches more than 60 million people online every month and videos featuring her work have more than a billion views online, including her TEDx talk, which is one of the most popular of all time. There's nothing Mel loves more than making a real difference in people's lives by teaching them to believe in themselves and inspiring them to take the actions that will change their lives. Mel lives in New England with her husband of 25 years and their three kids, but she is and will always be a Midwesterner at heart.

This episode is about step-parenting from a healed place. Today's caller, Kendra, has two step-children who are triggering her anxiety. She then feels guilt and shame about being angry. We work through her past issues that are coming up to be healed and how she can navigate the situation in a way that is beneficial to her and her step-children. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode350] Anxiety is not bad. It is an alarm system that is alerting us to something we are not paying attention to. There is something we are repressing or that needs our awareness. The energy of anxiety is frenetic energy. It is when the nervous system is hyper-aroused due to a trauma, a past memory is being activated or, we are repressing such big emotions our nervous system is overloaded. When that happens we likely go into fight, flight, or freeze. When we are in survival brain, all the personal development tools we've learned aren't accessible. So, don't beat yourself up if you have done a lot of work but still get triggered in the moment or your nervous system is dysregulated; you are in a part of your brain that doesn't have access to those tools. And, just like our children choose us or we have soul contracts with certain people when we are a step-parent, those children choose us on some level as well. There are so many challenges that can come with blended families. In a divorce, there is often so much guilt that a parent may collapse some of their parental boundaries and let the kids get away with more than they would normally. Would you like to work to heal your inner child? Our Inner Child workshop was taught live but now you can get access to the recording. It includes coaching and experiential meditations. Go through it at your own pace, at any time. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild at checkout and use the promo code 'OVERIT' for $50 off. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you notice yourself being triggered by your children or step-children and then feel guilt or shame about it? Do you have anxiety that has gotten worse due to a situation? When you were growing up, what were your tween and early teenage years like? Was it a difficult time? Do you think you have dealt with it? Do you often have anger or frustration at your spouse because of the way they are parenting? Kendra's Question: Kendra would like guidance on how to have connection and a relationship with her step-children while paying attention to the anxiety that triggers her. Kendra's Key Insights and Ahas: Her partner has two children from a previous marriage. They have 50% custody of the children. The situation affects her life and has always caused her anxiety. She has struggled with anxiety in other areas of her life. Her step-children bring high energy into their house. Her adolescence was confusing for her. She was raised in a traditional Christian home. She was made to feel as a female she should dim her light. She realizes the universe brought male step-children into her life for a reason. She lost her example of unconditional love when she was starting puberty. During adolescence, she didn't have the same freedoms that boys in her life had. She feels anger and resentment toward her step-children and then feels guilty for it. She is angry at her husband for letting his kids treat him like they do. She has trust issues around men. How to Get Over It and On With It: Express her thoughts and feelings. Regulate her breath and bring herself into the present moment. Call her husband forward to enforce parental boundaries. Teach the kids to release their emotions and to have an anger burn. Know it is OK to get away from the house, or situation if she needs to. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Let's talk about finding the "one". You know the magical person who is your soulmate, your other half, the one who completes you. I say these things with a tinge of sarcasm but I don't inject the sarcasm because I am jaded or don't believe in love, it's there because of the misunderstandings regarding soulmates and the pain many of us go through when it comes to romantic relationships. I believe there are lots of "ones" out there for us. My definition of a soulmate is someone who helps our soul to grow. Sometimes it's through a gut-wrenching break-up, sometimes it's through dating someone who triggers us and sometimes it's through someone who just comes in, loves us and holds up a beautiful mirror to remind us of who we truly are. Soulmates can be romantic partners, friends, colleagues and even someone you share a plane ride with once and never see again. So, why are many romantic relationships so painful? 1. The relationships are mirrors which can trigger unresolved issues from our childhood. 2. We often look to a romantic partner to fill our needs that our parents did not meet. This doesn't attract the best people to us. 3. We may want a relationship so badly to fill our voids or make us feel less alone that we move into a fantasy-based relationship. Today's call with Michael is a beautiful example of masculine vulnerability and strength. He finds himself dating from a place of pain rather than from love. He wants to move past the feeling that he needs to prove himself to women. Michael's mother wasn't really there for him and so he ends up with women who don't treat him well and who are not really there for him. This is the problem with trying to fill a void left by a parent through dating. We long so badly for the love of a parent that we attract someone just like them, which re-opens our unhealed wounds. We have to bring love and forgiveness to those places inside and fill ourselves with our own loving acceptance. It's time to let go of our fears about rejection, abandonment and getting hurt. I have a free gift for all of my podcast listeners. Here is how to receive my free ebook and meditation downloads. E-mail [email protected] for information. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you longing for a soulmate so much that it is causing you to suffer? Do you keep dating the same person but they have a different face? Could issues from your childhood influence who and how you are dating? Are you in a fantasy based relationship? Could it be time to remove your rose-colored glasses? Michael's Question: Michael wants to know how to move past the pain of a previous relationship and how to know when the person he is dating is the right one. Michael's Key Insights and Aha's: He is trying to heal a core wound from his childhood through a romantic relationship He is putting a lot of pressure on the women he dates He realizes he keeps running back to fix past relationships He carries fear and his unanswered questions around with him He feels unworthy and feels he needs to prove himself to women His strength is in his vulnerability, his honesty and his courage How to get over it and on with it: He should forgive the misunderstanding that he is unlovable or anything in his past was his fault He needs to re-parent his younger self in a way he always longed for He needs to take a dating hiatus Assignments and Takeaways: Is there a little boy or girl inside of you that has some misunderstandings which really need to be healed? Could it be time to end or transform your fantasy-based or issue-based relationship? Perhaps it's time for a dating hiatus and taking some time to date yourself. Fall back in love with yourself and realize just how lovable you are. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram [email protected] [email protected]

This emotional episode is a great example of getting stuck in our story. Today's caller, Aurora, has had to overcome an incredible past. She has been through many challenges, and feels enough is enough. She wants her life to change. But as you will hear, she is still committed to the story. We discuss ways she can take her power back and shift out of victim. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode349] Our minds have a way of not allowing new information or tools in so we can integrate them. There is resistance to change because we all have a comfort zone with our suffering. As much as we think we want to change, do we truly want to? Holding on to trauma comforts us because it is familiar. And, if we try to tackle all of our trauma at once or solve everything that ails us at once, it will feel overwhelming. When we sit up in an open body position it tells our subconscious mind and our nervous system we are safe. Anytime we are hunched over, crossed-legged, or protecting our heart, solar plexus, or root chakra, it communicates to our subconscious mind that we may not be safe. Sitting up straight is how we step into our power. Because when we say step into our power, we are really saying step into our truth. Taking responsibility is huge when it comes to healing. Responsibility is not the same as blaming ourselves. Take responsibility for things you wish you would have done differently without blaming yourself. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you had a toxic, or unhealthy relationship with your past that you have trouble breaking free from? Do you get stuck in the same story over and over again? Do you feel not enough? Do you have trouble stepping into your power? Aurora's Question: Aurora would like guidance on how to free herself from feeling not enough, to be able to express herself freely, and to get her power back. Aurora's Key Insights and Ahas: She told her ex-husband she needed some space. She got violent with her ex even though she didn't want to. She doesn't condone violence. Her ex believes that once she got what she wanted from the relationship she ended it. She has been judged and traumatized by her older sister. A teacher body-shamed her and created toxic competitiveness. Her parents exhibit narcissistic attributes. She goes through a cycle of making progress and then starting over. She recently went through an intensive therapy treatment. She feels more at peace. She is proud of herself for doing the generational trauma healing work. She has suppressed herself for a long time. She has a habit of being emotionally collapsed. She is not so great at meeting her own needs. How to Get Over It and On With It: Sit in an open body position to let her subconscious mind know she is safe. Think about what her needs are and then give that thing to herself. Love and accept where she is, have compassion for herself, and work with what she has. Take her power back by forgiving herself for buying into any misunderstandings. Listen to this podcast, take responsibility, move out of victim, and believe she is able to shift out of this. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about moving into acceptance and forgiveness. Today's caller, Jen, is having a hard time getting to forgiveness because she doesn't believe her parents did the best they could. Her grudge may be costing her the very thing she longs for the most. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode94] One of the ways we get to forgiveness is knowing people did the best they could, even if we believe they could have done better. Knowing they did the best they could with the tools they had is one of the ways we can get to forgiveness. It can be difficult, especially when it was a parent or a loved one. Holding on to anger, blame, and resentment is toxic. It will eat you up inside and keep you from what you want. Continuing to use the past as a scapegoat for why you don't have want you want gives your past power. Until you move into acceptance and forgiveness, your past will infiltrate every aspect of your present and your future. Look at the places where you are not letting love into your life. Are you focusing too much on the people that didn't love you in the way you wanted, and missing out on all the love around you? Would you like to connect more with me and receive a resource to help you transform into owning your purpose? Use this link, ChristineHassler.com/SpiritJunkie to enroll in Gabby Bernstein's Spirit Junkie Masterclass by June 29th and receive access to the class, a one-hour one-on-one coaching session with me, a one-month membership to my Inner Circle Community, a download of my guided meditation CD and more. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Is there someone you have not been able to forgive because you truly feel what they did is unforgivable? ● Is there someone you are blaming for your not having what you want in your life? ● Do you tend to imagine worst-case scenarios and feel that things just don't go your way in life? ● Did you grow up around addicts or as the child of addicts? Jen's Question: Jen would like to forgive her mother and accept that her parents did the best they could. Jen's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She didn't get the love and attention she wanted as a child. ● She wants closure with her mother who recently passed. ● She feels broken. ● She's created the healthy family she always wanted. ● She is keeping herself from fully appreciating and accepting the love of her current family. ● She is using her past as a scapegoat. ● As a child, she had low expectations so she wouldn't be disappointed. ● It wasn't her job to save her parents. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She shouldn't identify with the victim role, and understand she received what she needed. ● She should stop mimicking her mother's behaviors. ● She should do projection work and let the love that exists in her current life in. ● She should have appreciation and have life-affirming and positive thoughts. Takeaways: ● If there is someone you want to hear something from, some kind of forgiveness, write a letter to you from them. Write down all the things you wanted to hear from them and read it to yourself. ● Do projection work. Look at judgments you have towards others and see how you may be doing it in your own life, externally or internally. ● Be honest about the cost of holding onto a grudge and write down what it is keeping you from. Write down all the blessings you have in life and how you may be blinded to them because of the grudge. ● Have positive expectations and use your imagination to consider the best-case scenario. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Coaches Corner with Gabby Bernstein — Turn Your Pain Into Purpose Inner Circle Membership Community @ChristinHassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram [email protected]

This emotional episode is about getting to the root of anger to be able to release it. Today's caller, Rose, has a deep-seated rage she directs toward her sister. But as we work through in the coaching call, she chose her sister, who poses less of a threat, to release her rage upon instead of the real person she is enraged with, her father. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode348] Whenever our reaction doesn't match with the circumstance, it means there is something else going on. Oftentimes, we have rage or anger just by being a human being on the planet, and we direct it at certain people or we become obsessive about certain people. The thing about anger is that it needs an exit route. It is a huge energetic wave and it needs a way to get out. Anger can leak out as irritability, addiction, aggression at other people or just being angry at ourselves. We spend so much energy keeping anger inside that we can get depressed or we might just direct it at someone who is an easy scapegoat but isn't actually the person we are enraged about. Go to ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease to get my Anger Release Program. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have a sibling or family member you are mad at and you can't shake it no matter how much work you do? Do you struggle with jealousy, envy, or wish you could have had someone else's life? Did you have a parent you were loyal to but as an adult, you question why you were so loyal? Do you have a hard time expressing your rage? Rose's Question: Rose struggles with her anger toward her sister and would like guidance on how to shift her feelings. Rose's Key Insights and Ahas: She formed an unhealthy alliance against her younger sister with her father. She loves her sister but feels deep rage toward her. She has done a lot of work around the issue. She has always felt mad at her sister and has taken her frustrations out on her. She didn't feel seen or appreciated as a child. She feels her sister takes her oxygen when they are in the same room. She feels her mom blames her for how she treats her sister. Her father was explosive. She swallows her rage. She gets enraged by her sister's bigness and how strong she is. Her anger makes her feel darkly powerful, righteous, and justified. She feels it is not OK to be herself. She is really mad at her father for making her feel small as a child. Her father was fragile and was inappropriate toward her. Her father made her feel ashamed for growing into her womanhood. Her father took his life. She realizes she transferred her anger toward her dad onto her sister. How to Get Over It and On With It: Get the rage and anger out through an Anger Release exercise or by writing F-U letters she doesn't send. Fully accept herself for who she is. Not be afraid of her rage because it is where her passion lives. Stay focused on who she is mad at to get to grief and then forgiveness. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Inner Child

This episode is about patience and becoming a loving partner to ourselves so we are ready to call in our soul match. Today's caller, Asma, is ready to call in a partner but may have some work to do around building faith and trust based on her inner child's wounding. Even if you are not looking for your person, you will get value from the conversations about patience, trust, and relationships. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode347] It's easy to believe in the magic of the universe when everything is going our way. It's harder when we are scared or things aren't going along with our plan. So many of our core trust issues come from our childhood. They come from the survival skills we adopted. That is where trust wounds begin. Surrender invites the masculine in because it is fiercely brave. It is a deep level of trust in our intuition, a higher power, and in life because we relinquish control. It creates receptivity and an entry point for the masculine. Most healthy masculine men don't like being told what to do. Those of us who are more on the spectrum of controlling have less faith and trust. Part of the way we deal with our spiritual crisis and our fear of trust and surrender is to over plan, over control, and be overly self-sufficient. When it comes to relationships we don't have as much control because another person is involved. When it comes to love, the other person is on their own timeline, even when we may feel ready. Our soul-match people are harder to find because we are growing with them, not growing from them. Soul match people share our visions and values and match more where we want to go instead of where we have been. It requires a person who has done their work. To all the single women who want to call in their person, I encourage you to take the Be the Queen course. Be empowered and intentional about calling in the relationship you desire. Experience a complete transformation. Get $200 off at ChristineHassler.com/bethequeen with the promo code "OVERIT". Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel like you have done the work but wondering where your prize is? Are you divorced or broken up and back in the dating scene and find yourself being impatient? Do you have a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable people or people who are not ready for a relationship? Are you patient with yourself or do you have a harsh inner critic? Asma's Question: Asma has wounding from a previous relationship but has done the work. She feels ready to receive her new partner but grows impatient with the lack of candidates. Asma's Key Insights and Ahas: She married young and is now divorced. She has done a lot of personal development work. She has created the home life she wants. She is ready to attract a partner with whom she feels a deep alignment. She is impatient and hard on herself. She wants a masculine man. She would like to develop trust. She didn't feel seen or heard by her father but she has abandonment wounding. Some men she dates are not ready to be in a relationship. How to Get Over It and On With It: Work on being patient. Look at how she can become a good partner and lover to herself. Be upfront at the beginning of a relationship about where she is and where she wants to go. Be clear about what she wants and where she wants to go. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Nicole Sachs, LCSW is a speaker, writer, podcaster and psychotherapist who has dedicated her work and her practice to the treatment of chronic pain, symptoms, syndromes and conditions. She is the author of the book The Meaning of Truth, and the online course FREEDOM FROM CHRONIC PAIN. Her brand, The Cure for Chronic Pain, includes a Website, Podcast and YouTube Channel. Her personal experience as well as work with thousands of people around the world have shaped and evolved Nicole's theories, which serve to teach those suffering how to heal themselves completely with no medication or surgery.

This episode is breaking familiar generational patterns. Today's caller, Angel, grew up in a chaotic home. As an adult, he seeks out chaos and uses numbing strategies when he feels triggered. We work through ways he can recognize the triggers and how he can make them an opportunity for healing without self-blame or shame. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode346] Unraveling and healing from trauma in our childhoods take time. It is hard to deal with our past when we distract ourselves by things happening in the present or with numbing strategies. Because we are often drawn to what is familiar, not what is healthy, that gets a lot of us stuck. We keep going back to things we know are not healthy, then we get stuck in the cycle of self-blame and shame without being compassionate with ourselves. A trigger is a gateway to healing, but if we go to a distraction or a quick fix we miss the opportunity for deeper healing. It's about making the decision at the time of the trigger to go inside and that is when we do the work. A disorganized attachment style is formed when we have had a chaotic childhood. A disorganized attachment style is like a "come here, now go away" pattern. It is the wanting of attention and affection, wanting to be seen but also wanting to withdraw. When real intimacy and real love get too close, the person with a disorganized attachment style wants to push it away. If you want to learn more about attachment styles you can download a great group coaching call for only $20 at ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have trouble being alone? Did you grow up in a chaotic environment where you didn't feel seen and safe? Did you witness violence? Do you find yourself in a cycle of going into dysfunctional relationships or abusing a substance and you feel shame about it? Do you have a lot of awareness but feel you are not changing? Angel's Question: Angel seeks chaos and conflict and would like guidance on how to feel a sense of safety and be in his body. Angel's Key Insights and Ahas: His childhood home was chaotic. He is social around other people. He finds it difficult to be alone with his thoughts. He feels empty. He seeks out chaos in his life. He uses substances in excess. His cycle of shame repeats. He shut down as a child to cope with the domestic violence he witnessed. He feels not-enough and has a disorganized attachment style. He has never felt loved or safe. He is always looking to find what he didn't get as a child. He feels he has awareness. He feels comforted when other people are around. His intuition tells him he should wait to enter a romantic relationship. He was in a trauma-bond relationship that blew up. He finds it hard to forget the trauma he experienced as a child. He still lives with his mom, and he feels anger toward her when she tries to parent him. How to Get Over It and On With It: Have compassion for himself. Acknowledge himself and tell himself he is not alone. Have patience with his process and acknowledge his progress. Resist the urge to go to the quick fix when he feels triggered. Leverage triggers when they come up. Write a letter to his mother he does not intend to give to her. Make the intention to make relationships with male mentors or build up more healthy male relationships. Takeaway: Use the moments when you feel triggered to reach for a distraction or a numbing strategy, to instead leverage the triggering opportunity to use your healing tools. Find healthy male groups to be a part of such as Mpowered Brotherhood on Instagram. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about overcoming the pain our inner bullies create. Today's caller, Ravi, was bullied as a child, and uses his inner critic as a protective measure. He became isolated and disconnected from his intuition, and he cut off listening to his heart because he didn't want to feel. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode82] When we cut off our feelings we not only cut off the pain, but we cut off the love and inspiration as well. What happened in the past does not have to create your future. You can get over it and on with it, but you must be consciously committed to letting it go. To transform, you need love, wisdom, and compassion from your heart, and alchemy. I guided Ravi through a heart meditation, like this one from a Coaches Corner episode. Ravi experienced clarity after the meditation. His heart said it wanted expression through art. The next step was to transform his trauma and pain, but Ravi said he didn't want to go there. Remember, the fear of feeling pain is what keeps you from transforming it. It is possible to alchemize passion, or suffering, into something you love. It takes a lot of energy to suppress pain. If you have had trauma, it can be scary to go there on your own. You should find someone to work with, someone who can go there with you to hold a space for you. The more you listen to your heart, the more it speaks to you! Join me this September at my retreat in Bali. Visiting a magical place with like-minded people will transform your mind, body, and spirit. It's a unique experience where you can experience significant healing that will last the rest of your life. Email [email protected] to sign up. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you trying to figure out your issues or challenges in your head? ● Were you bullied, teased or criticized as a child or a teenager, and it still haunts you today? ● Do you have a past trauma you are terrified to address and feel? ● Would you say you live more in your head than in your heart? Ravi's Question: Ravi wants to know how to find purpose in his life. Ravi's Key Insights and Ahas: ● He disconnected from his conscious mind to cope with the trauma. ● He internalizes the external bullying. ● He's scared of failure and being made fun of. ● He has managed his pain, but has not yet transformed it. ● He is in an avoidance pattern and protective mode. ● He's been in the midst of self-loathing. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● He should tap into the passion he experienced to create art. ● He could help other people who have been bullied. ● He needs to listen to his heart. ● He needs to start alchemizing his pain. ● He should practice release writing when he feels sadness. Assignments: ● Read The Lesson Quest and Your Life's Purpose in Chapter 9, The Spiritual Level in Expectation Hangover. ● Be honest about what you are attempting to figure out, and alchemize it. ● Listen to my Coaches Corner with Jim Kwik. ● Volunteer and be of service to someone else to help you with your inner critic. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Over It and On With It Listener Survey Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram [email protected] for Bali Retreat Information Bali Retreat Enrollment Page

This episode is about communicating with someone who has more of a controlling and rigid personality structure. Today's caller, Danielle, would like to reduce the friction between her and her husband when it comes to their parenting priorities. I coach Danielle on how to work with her husband to be a little less rigid and less controlling when it comes to her sons and when it comes to herself. And, how to get her sons to express themselves emotionally. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode345] When we are butting heads with someone, trying to get them to see our side of something will never work. Having curiosity and compassion for the other person's model of the world and the way they see things is the way forward. A lot of men, boys, and those who identify as masculine have been conditioned to suppress, to be less emotional, and that their value is the security and legacy they can provide or the money they can provide. Oftentimes emotional connection, the ability to be in their heart, the ability to trust, or to have more of a connection with their feminine side is difficult because there has been so much attention on the other. Remember, when someone says that something made them stronger it generally doesn't mean they now have the courage to be vulnerable and to seek help, to think deep into their wounds, to dig into their generational patterns to transform their experience. When children are not raised with the ability to have autonomy, sovereignty, and speak up for themselves, it can go one of two ways. Either they become overly compliant and get pushed around or they become overly aggressive because they are trying to get their power back. A lot of us can relate to us having differences in the way we see the world and what we think is right. Anytime we can heal a division in our home or within our families, it has a ripple effect elsewhere. So, at a time when it seems there is a lot of division, finger-pointing, and judgment in the world, shifting this in the home helps to collectively shift it. Are you in a relationship right now and you would like the relationship to be better? Or, your relationship is at a point where it is falling apart and you want to save it? Would you like to know what makes a relationship work? You can at any time by going to christinehassler.com/relationshipcourse. Listeners of this podcast get $50 off with promo code 'OVERIT'. Learn how to bring the zest back into your relationship. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you find there is someone in your life who is controlling and you wish they would be more intuitive and more emotionally available? Do you find it is hard to set boundaries with someone who is structured and set in their ways? Is it hard for you to have compassion for your partner or children because you are frustrated by what they are doing? Are you willing to see the little child inside of the adults you love and have compassion for the way they act the way they do? Danielle's Question: Danielle would like to know how she can enforce boundaries with her children while respecting her husband's role in the family. Danielle's Key Insights and Ahas: She set boundaries to keep burnout at bay. She and her husband lead a busy lifestyle. She and her husband are both active military. Her husband is high-energy and she is more passive. She values her parenting skills. She wants her boys to grow up with sovereignty. Her boys are diagnosed with ADHD/ADD. Her husband may have wounds around his relationship with his father. She is triggered by her husband's actions. How to Get Over It and On With It: Carve some time out with her husband to ask him what he wished would have been different between him and his father. Realize her husband has a father wound and she may be dealing with a tender little boy inside. Acknowledge her husband when he does emotional work. Approach her husband in a way that doesn't make him feel judged. Lean into her vulnerability and speak her needs in an empowered way. Create a fun way to empower her boys to express themselves. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Do you know the value of positive thinking but just can't seem to shift out of negative thinking? This coaching session is about expectations and shifting negative patterns. During this call, we examine Danielle's past to understand what formed her current expectations and get to the root of why she is sabotaging herself in relationships.

This episode is about releasing the judgment of our past decisions. Today's caller, MJ, was betrayed by her ex-husband and when she divorced, became a single mother of two. As she focused on raising her children, she neglected her sensual side and has not been on a date. She would like guidance on how to reclaim her life and get more out of her interpersonal relationships. We talk a lot about betrayal and holding on to judgment of our past selves. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode344] Hindsight is 20/20. Many people can relate to making a choice in the past they probably wouldn't make today that they are still beating themselves up for. When we do that to ourselves we are in the past and we completely block all the amazing things that can come into our present and future. Sometimes we don't forgive ourselves because we think that holding on to the judgment of ourselves will keep us from making the same mistake. In order to have a life and a future, we must forgive our past. Not just the people in the past but the former versions of ourselves in the past. As long as we are beating ourselves up for our past decisions we are fractured. We are at odds with a part of ourselves. Good luck having a rich, full, amazing life, being connected to our sensuality, having friendships, or having the relationship of our dreams if we are at war with a part of ourselves. We have to be at peace with all parts of ourselves. Have compassion for yourself and know that you did the best you could in your past. We don't have to stay at war with ourselves. We can invite all parts of ourselves into our hearts and deeply, truly, and fully forgive ourselves. If you want to do deeper work and you resonate with my coaching, I encourage you to join Personal Mastery. It is the foundational training of my work. I take you through how to transform and heal on the emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual levels. There are so many tips and tools. Personal Mastery is also a community. There are monthly calls and a Facebook group. Get coached by me without being on the show. Go to ChristineHassler.com/mastery. Get $100 off the course by typing in 'OVERIT' as the promo code when ordering. Consider/Ask Yourself: Was there a choice you made in your past you are still beating yourself up for? Have you been betrayed by someone or multiple people and you judge yourself for it? Do you have a difficult time connecting to your sensuality or sexuality? Have you been focused on raising your kids or your career, or both, and you want to get back out in the dating world but are not sure where to start? MJ's Question: MJ would like guidance on how to break down the emotional wall she put up after a divorce and flourish in her interpersonal relationships. MJ's Key Insights and Ahas: She divorced and became a single mother 10 years ago when her ex betrayed her by having a secret life. She has neglected her sensuality. She hasn't been on a date in seven years. She has put up an emotional wall when it comes to friendships and romantic relationships. She felt ashamed of who she chose to marry. She holds a belief that you cannot completely rely on men. She was naive when she was younger. She hasn't forgiven herself for marrying her first husband. She believed she needed to be punished. How to Get Over It and On With It: Forgive herself and reclaim the lost part of herself by releasing the shame and judgment. Integrate her younger self back into her life. Takeaway: Think about past parts of you that you hold judgment toward and forgive yourself to make yourself whole. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

When Luke Storey hosted me on his podcast, we went on a deep dive into everything from revealing personal insecurities to ego pitfalls to relationship attachment style. This episode has tools to cultivate self-love, set boundaries, and maintain healthier relations with yourself and those you invite into your life. You can learn more about Luke or reach out to him about working with him at https://www.lukestorey.com/ Inner Child Workshop

This episode is about giving yourself permission to have fun. Today's caller, Vicky, hasn't had fun in over a decade. She wants to but fears others will judge her for it. We work through what created the fear and how she can give herself a permission slip to express herself in joy without worrying about what others will think. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode343] Often, what we are projecting when we feel people are judging us is that we are judging ourselves. We need to challenge ourselves and say — so what? — if we are judged. What is the worst thing that can happen? As a child, it can be scary. We can feel ostracized from school, we can feel like we are not getting our parents' love but as adults, if someone judges us we can let it be OK. It is one of the great things about being an adult. We can handle judgment differently. We choose how we react. If we do get devastated by someone else's judgment, it means our inner child is being triggered. If that happens we have to parent our inner child and give them permission to have fun. If it has been a week since you have had fun, it's time to have some. We can't be serious all the time, especially when there is so much stress, uncertainty, and heaviness. Fun, joy, and play are important. No matter how old we get, we cannot forget to play. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you just been working on yourself but haven't had fun in a long time? Are you afraid to be expressive or fun because you are concerned you might be judged? Do you fall into the trap of not wanting to pursue things because you feel you must be perfect before you can do it? How often do you let your inner child come out and play? Vicky's Question: Vicky has done a ton of personal development work but still doesn't authentically feel as if she has connected to joy. Vicky's Key Insights and Ahas: She is frustrated that she still doesn't feel connected. She hasn't had a lot of fun since her 20s. She wants to experience joy. She feels she has to work hard. She fantasizes about being goofy. She is afraid of judgment. She is a life coach but doesn't feel she deserves the title. Her parents fought a lot in front of her. She felt pressured to keep the peace in her childhood family home. She doesn't feel safe or seen. She didn't get to have enough fun as a child. She gets caught up in "should be." How to Get Over It and On With It: Be present, curious, and explorative in the moment. Ask herself what she could do to make herself feel safe and seen. Lean into being goofy and having fun. Choose how she wants to respond when she feels not enough. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Michael Gay who is a therapist joins Christine to discuss how we deal and heal from trauma. He has his M.A. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a focus in Transpersonal Psychology. Michael has worked in the field of counseling for the last 14 years as a guide, therapist, and trainer. He was a Wilderness Therapy guide for 6 years, leading and facilitating deep transformational work with teens, adults, and families in the mountains and high desert. He has also worked extensively in the field of addiction and recovery. He specializes in work with depression, groups, trauma, PTSD, grief, and families. In addition to his M.A., Michael completed a 3 year training at the Gestalt Institute of the Rockies, and continues to train at the Gestalt Equine Institute. As a therapist and facilitator, Michael uses experiential and body based methods. Many approaches to therapy and inner work stay at the intellectual and cognitive level, which rarely or slowly affect deep structural change. Engaging in more experiential and embodied work seems to bring the shifts people were unable to find in mainstream therapy. You can learn more about Michael or reach out to him about working with him at https://www.michaelgaycounseling.com/

This episode is about the healing benefits of being heard and being reflective. Today's caller, Jonathan, didn't feel seen or heard as a child by his controlling parents. He has competing intentions and would like guidance on how to be more vulnerable and intimate in relationships. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode342] When in any type of relationship, especially a romantic relationship, if it is hard for you to express yourself or get things out or you feel interrupted or judged, utilize the talking stick (any object). Go to your partner and tell them you wish to communicate something and that you want to use the talking stick. When you are holding the talking stick you are the only one talking. When you feel complete you hand it to your partner. It is a great practice if you have a hard time getting things out. It offers a sense of permission for those who wish to be heard. Oftentimes, we interrupt each other a lot. There may be one partner who is more assertive and the other partner may retract more. The talking stick is a great remedy for relationships with communication issues. Another effective communication tool is reflective listening or perception checking. When we slow down communication it builds trust and safety with other people. When you have the avoidant attachment style one of the best ways to heal it is in relationship, practicing intimacy. Consider/Ask Yourself: Did you feel seen and heard as a child? Did you spend a lot of time alone as a child? Do you still spend a lot of time alone today? Do you trust love? When things get too intimate, too vulnerable, or too close do you want to bail but you long for love at the same time? Jonathan's Question: Jonathan would like guidance on being intimate in close relationships with others and with himself. Jonathan's Key Insights and Ahas: His dad was controlling. He didn't have friends over to play with as a child. He knew at age seven that he couldn't trust love. He keeps intimate relationships at an arm's length. He wants to be seen without judgment in relationships. He spent a lot of time alone in life. His father offered transactional love. He attracts women who are not in their healthy feminine who have similar traits to his mother. He took a self-discovery journey. He wants to be authentic but doesn't find others who are authentic. He has competing intentions. People talk over him and interrupt him all the time. He tried structured environments but they were not for him. He feels unsafe and untethered. He is enrolled in the Elementum Coaching Institute. How to Get Over It and On With It: Lean more into his masculine energy. Find people he can be authentic with and who listen to him. Anchor himself into who he is, what he believes, and what he desires. Write it out until it becomes clear. Embody his awareness. Ground himself. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about self-honoring choices, ultimatums, and jealousy in mother-daughter relationships. Today's caller, Kristin, is looking for guidance in how to proceed after her mother gave her an ultimatum. We also look at the compensatory strategies Kristin has adopted in an effort to deal with things from her childhood. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode118] What is a self-honoring choice? A self-honoring choice is an honest choice rooted in truth that comes from love. Kristin felt she was always in competition with her mother. She became a perfectionist as a compensatory strategy because she felt that she could only receive love if she was perfect. Through her growth work, she is starting to make self-honoring choices for herself. What are you passionate about? What you are passionate about is often a tie into our spiritual curriculum and our parents are part of that curriculum. Remember, we choose our parents as our teachers. When our parents don't see us for who we truly are, it can seem cruel. But, part of our soul journey is to heal from past cruelty. What do you long for from your parents? Be sure to check out Coaches Corner. Last week I talked about ghosting and flaky behavior, the week before I interviewed Jill about selling skills and I even answer questions. So, if you have a question for me, email [email protected]. Consider/Ask Yourself: Is there someone in your life you are not speaking to or have a strained relationship with? If you grew up with two parents, was one more challenging for you to get along with or close to? Do you tend to be attracted, date or marry people you feel you must earn their love? Do you know what self-honoring choices are? If so, do you make them regularly? Kristin's Question: Kristin would like to know how to approach her mother about a recent ultimatum. Kristin's Key Insights and Ahas: She was in an abusive relationship. She made a self-honoring choice. She was always in competition with her mother. Her mother was passive aggressive. She yearned for attention from her mother. Her parents had a horrible relationship. Her existence triggers her mother. She chose her mother. How to Get Over It and On With It: She should keep working on herself and stay strong to break the pattern of contorting herself to make her mother feel better. She should realize her mom may not be able to face her issues. She should continue making self-honoring choices. Takeaways: Where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying too much to please people? And, where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying to be the bigger person vs. speaking your truth? Why did you pick your parents and what are they here to teach you? Let go of who you want your parents to be. Accept the fact that if your mother or father truly saw what they needed to see about themselves in order to give you the apology you crave, it might break them. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram [email protected]

This episode is about reducing a trauma response when communicating with people who matter to us. Today's caller, Amanda, feels scared and goes into a trauma response when communicating with her partner. In her past, she felt disempowered in other relationships. She would like guidance on how to feel less afraid when communicating her needs. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode341] When we have been through a challenging situation or trauma that goes deep into our subconscious mind, body, and nervous system, we feel we have no power or control. That is why it is so traumatic. The more we empower ourselves to have control, speak our needs, and make a request the more we tell our body and nervous system that we are safe. Anytime we are in a trauma response we are time-traveling. Our physical body is in the present moment but our nervous system is in the past. Our brain has a hard time distinguishing whether we are in a safe place or are we in trauma. Maybe we had no voice, no power, and no dominion over our experience when the trauma occurred. But, the more we can set ourselves up at the beginning, the less likely we are to time-travel into the trauma response. In a relationship, as much as we are sovereign beings and know that no one can heal us, it is also reasonable and healing in a relationship to know each other's wounds. We can be sensitive to other people's wounds and do our part to help the other person grow. We are entitled to make requests when we are taking responsibility. We cannot ask someone else to change until we own our end and are doing the work. Only then can we make a request of someone else. My Personal Mastery course takes you through how to transform and heal on an emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual level. It is also a community with monthly group coaching calls and an interactive Facebook page. ChristineHassler.com/mastery. Get $100 off the course with the promo code OVERIT. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have trouble speaking up for yourself or communicating your needs? Do you often get angry and lash out because your needs aren't being met and you are not communicating? Do you have difficulty calming yourself down when you are in a trauma response? Do you know what it means to regulate your nervous system when you are in a trauma response? Amanda's Question: Amanda would like guidance on how to feel less afraid when it comes to communicating her needs to her partner. Amanda's Key Insights and Ahas: She gets triggered when communicating with her partner. She sometimes abruptly leaves confrontation. When standing her ground, she can feel angry. She has done EMDR with her therapist. Her partner has big energy. She fears communicating her needs. She felt powerless when her dad remarried. She wants someone to stand up for her. She has been in an abusive relationship. She is committed to being vulnerable. How to Get Over It and On With It: Move her energy by regulating her nervous system and getting herself into the present moment. Name her feelings when she wants to communicate. Remind herself she is a grown woman and her partner is not her stepmother. Have a conversation with her partner about a flinch response. Release the rage she feels toward her stepmother and ex through release writing and the temper tantrum technique. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

People pleasing will not get you the kind of love you long for. Why? Well, when you are putting other people's needs before your own, you are not being honest. You are not showing up authentically. People pleasing can range in severity from caring about what people think to being a doormat. In my view, no degree of people pleasing is a good thing and being a complete doormat is dangerous. Think of a doormat after being used over and over. This is what happens to your spirit and your spark if you allow people to walk all over you. Your light starts to dim. You start to fade and you start to wear down. The Importance of Connection When Going Through a Loss We are not meant to grieve alone. One of the most healthy aspects of grieving is having support. You may find it hard to ask for help but you are giving another person a gift when you are vulnerable with them. Do not suffer in silence and solitude. The things that help the most are often the hardest to do. During difficult times, we need to do the hard things to get to the healing place we long for. Today's caller Shaun called in for some guidance while going through his divorce. He may be putting himself last and has a habit of people pleasing which is making his divorce harder. Don't lose sight of yourself during a loss. I encourage you to be honest with yourself about your people pleasing patterns. Coaches take note - I try to stay as clear and neutral as I possibly can, but during some calls, like this one, I slip from empathy to sympathy. I found myself being protective of Shaun and judgmental of the situation. I then moved back to neutrality which allowed me to guide Shaun appropriately. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you going through a loss right now and feel disconnected? ● Do you relate to being a people pleaser or a doormat? ● Are you concerned about what people think of you and often put others' needs and opinions in front of your own? ● Is there someone in your life you need to draw some boundaries with? ● Do you have a solid support system of people or just one person you can turn to who will listen when you are going through something challenging? Shaun's Question: Shaun would like to know how to get un-stuck after being blindsided by a breakup from a 15-year marriage. He wants advice on how to move past the situation. Shaun's Key Insights and Aha's: ● He has a pattern of taking care of others at his own expense. ● He may be losing his identity. ● He doesn't have a social circle for support. ● He should reach out to new people and ask for help. How to get over it and on with it: ● He should step into his power and his strength and put himself first. ● He should meet new people and join new groups. ● He has the opportunity to gain healthy friendships. Tools and Takeaways: ● Be honest and look at the ways your people pleasing could be depleting you, blocking intimacy and potentially building resentment. ● Listen to this week's Coaches Corner for additional tips. ● Reach out to people, ask for support or just ask them to listen. ● Write down one thing which will help you the most but may be hard for you to do. Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram [email protected] [email protected]

This episode is about having anxiety about relationships. Today's caller, Gabby, has a pattern of getting into relationships, but something always happens and they don't work out. She would like guidance about how to reduce the amount of anxiety she feels about relationships. We work through her childhood wounding and discuss ways for her to meet her own needs and heal her inner child. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode340] Oftentimes, the relationships we draw in reflect our primary wounding from our primary caregivers and our relationship with ourselves. When the people who are our everything can't be everything to us in the ways we need it is devastating. It becomes an open wound that we carry around and identify in others. That is why it is so important to do family of origin healing and grieve our parents. It helps to bring our little one into the present day. It helps us to stop picking people who are like them. We have relationships that trigger our childhood, but they are relationships for healing. They are not the relationships that go the distance. If they do last a long-time, they can be difficult because our wounds are constantly coming up. And, unless you and a partner are willing to work through those together the relationship will be frustrating. When we heal our childhood wounds we can pick from our present-day self, our adult self, and we can choose someone who is more in alignment with where we want to go. Know that every relationship challenge moves us closer to a healthy relationship. Want to learn more about attachment styles? For just $20 you can hear a previous group call where I provide answers to questions at Group Coaching Replays. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have an avoidant attachment style? Do you have anxiety when it comes to being in a relationship? Is there a part of you who thinks you are too broken or don't know how to be in a relationship? Do you have unrealistic expectations of what you think a relationship should or could be? Do you feel you have done enough inner work to attract a healthy relationship based on your vision or values versus your past wounds? Gabby's Question: Gabby has been going through long-term relationship anxiety and would like guidance on how to reduce it. Gabby's Key Insights and Ahas: She cycles through romantic relationships. She believes issues in her family are still at play in her relationships. She feels she is going backward in this area of her life. She is proud of her independence and her accomplishments. She values love, family, and kindness. She has a lot to give and deserves a lot. She has done personal development work and therapy. Her relationships have been growth opportunities. Physical touch and words of affirmation are important to her. Her father was very loving but also very closed off. She worries about making the wrong decisions in relationships. She is exhausted. Her childhood was filled with confusion. How to Get Over It and On With It: Have compassion for herself as she moves through this. Consider how she can meet her own needs. Hold off on dating until she grieves and heals her father-wound. Check-in with herself daily with her hand on her heart and belly to see what she needs. Remember she is not broken. Takeaways: Have massive compassion for yourself, your process, and your growth. Look at where you are still hanging on to something from your past that makes you draw in people or experiences that are similar. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

I thought it would be fun to re-air the VERY first episode I recorded in October of 2022. We have ALL come so far since then. Thank you for being part of this community as we learn and grow together.

This episode is about shifting our protective patterns and taking risks. Today's caller, Christine, lost her husband five years into their marriage. She wants to date again but is blocked by the fear of losing love again. We take a deep dive into the foundation of her fear and how she can choose to love again. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode339] Love is risky. Loving is easily the riskiest thing we do, whether it is loving our partners, animals, friends, or children. Love is risky because if we lose it is devastating. Our hearts want to close because the risk is difficult but when we close our hearts we miss out on the opportunity to love more. There is no quota on how much we can love in our lifetime. Or, how many loves we can have. Love is infinite. To deprive ourselves of ever-expanding love is riskier than losing again. Shame grows on the things we keep in the dark but when we speak and bring things into the light it allows us to be held with love and compassion. That is how we soften judgment and allow intimacy in again. Diving deep is valuable. Anyone who says they are too damaged but is actively working on themselves isn't damaged. We are only "damaged" if we go into victim and never do anything to pull ourselves out. The only way to get protective parts to shift is to let them know that you are going to work with them to protect yourself in a different way. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you had a loss in your life and you are hesitant to give something another try because you are afraid of another loss? Do you judge yourself for having baggage, especially if you are single, and feel no one will want you? Are you scared of losing a person, a dream, or does the fear of loss prevent you from going after your dreams? Is there a judgment you hold against yourself that is blocking you that you haven't forgiven yourself for? Christine's Question: Christine would like to start dating and would like guidance on how to move past the resistance she feels towards it. Christine's Key Insights and Ahas: Her husband died seven years ago. He was her only significant romantic relationship. She is ready to start dating again but finds excuses why not to. She feels stuck. She doesn't think someone will want her because of her baggage. She is still grieving her husband. She judges herself for things out of her control. She has been through a lot at a young age. Her desire to protect herself from loss is stronger than her desire to let someone new in. She feels paralyzed by grief and fear. She is actively working on opening up and loving again. How to Get Over It and On With It: Get clear about her willingness to take a risk on love. Forgive herself for her self-judgments. Honor her past relationship in a way that doesn't include blame or shame. Acknowledge her fear, thank it for protecting her, and tell it she will be protecting herself in a different way. Create a bigger fear. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

My dear friend, Rebecca Tait, joins me for the second time on the show. Last year she gave us incredible insight about what was ahead for us in 2022. This year she drops some big time wisdom on why we may feel stuck or like things aren't changing even though we are doing the healing "work." Bec is an intuitive coach who provides guidance to people who feel stuck or uncertain in various aspects of their life. Learn more here: https://www.justaskbec.com/

This episode is about how to heal self-worth issues. Today's caller, Samantha, was dismissed by her father and never feels worthy of anything in her life. She asks for guidance on how to heal, and to connect more deeply with her children. We discuss how she can release her self-judgment, replace it with compassion, and make it an opportunity to heal her inner child. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode338] For the most part, anything that happens before the age of 12, makes us into the adults we are. If we don't feel wanted by our parents, the people who are supposed to want us and love us, it creates a big core wound. When we have low self-worth we think we are a burden and we deprive people in our lives of showing up and giving to us. If we commit to personal development, we have to let go of self-judgment. We will not transform and heal if we judge ourselves. Love and judgment can not be in the same place. We can love the part of ourselves that judges us because we know it is just trying to protect us, but if we are frustrated with ourselves, transformation won't happen. When judgment and frustration come up, know that it is our inner child calling out to us to meet their needs. Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute closes on March 2, 2022. It is a nine-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching tools and skills but also doing your own inner work. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you struggle with self-worth? Did you have a dismissive parent and felt you were in their way? Do you have a lot of awareness but things are not changing? As a parent, do you have trouble connecting to your children or your inner child? Samantha's Question: Samantha has a core wound of not feeling worthy. She would like guidance on how to shift it and connect more intimately with her children. Samantha's Key Insights and Ahas: She received answers from the people closest to her she didn't expect to hear. She has never felt worthy of anything. She has done personal development work from a young age. Her father was angry and dismissed her. She wants to be unapologetically herself. She is frustrated to have awareness but is unable to shift. She judges herself for how she feels. She feels like a robot and sensitive, yet she compartmentalizes her feelings. She feels she puts a target on her back for someone to attack her negatively. She suppresses her feelings. She is being her dad to herself. She finds it hard to connect with her daughter. She didn't feel protected by her mother. How to Get Over It and On With It: Replace her judgment and frustration with compassion. Connect with her inner child and ask her what she needs. Make a self-honoring choice to not see her father anymore. Use her judgments as opportunities to parent her inner child. Takeaways: The last live inner child workshop is an evergreen program. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild to get the entire workshop. It is just like attending the live event and you can go through it at your own pace. If you have a self-worth issue, ask people for what you need and let them show up for you. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Whitney Goodman is the radically honest psychotherapist behind the popular Instagram account @sitwithwhit and owner of the Collaborative Counseling Center, a private therapy practice in Miami. She helps individuals and couples heal past wounds and create the life they've always wanted. In TOXIC POSITIVITY, Whitney offers a powerful guide to owning our emotions—even the difficult ones—in order to show up authentically in the world. Learn more about Whitney and her book here: https://sitwithwhit.com/

This episode is about letting go. Today's caller, Hannah, went into shock after the loss of her mother and is feeling panic and anxiety. We talk through how she has never really allowed herself to grieve. Letting go is one of those things that sound good, right? But when it comes to doing, it can be difficult, especially when it comes to letting go of a dream, person, relationship, or chapter of our lives. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode337] It is a big deal to lose anyone we love, especially when we lose a parent before we thought we would. Many of us know that once our parents age into their 80s and 90s, and their health starts to deteriorate, it can be an easier transition for us because we see them suffering and we want them to be in a better place. But when we lose someone suddenly, it can be shocking. There are a lot of traumatic emotions around an unexpected death. It is physiological energy that needs an outlet. Often, the energy manifests itself as panic and anxiety. Panic and sadness serve a purpose and many times extreme emotions are a cry for help. The person who needs to answer the cry out is us. It is an alert that we need to learn to parent ourselves. Grief sometimes gets a bad rap. Sometimes we feel we need to go through it quickly or do it in a certain order, or we worry we could get stuck in it. But, grief is more than sadness. It is about honoring the love, reminiscing, and appreciating how much we loved the person or thing we grieve. If you haven't already done my Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual, and Release 2021 Ritual. They are available as Coaches corner episodes. Consider/Ask Yourself: Did you have a loss of some kind that you haven't fully processed or grieved? Do you know what healthy grieving looks like? Do you find yourself dealing with panic and anxiety and would like to shift it? If you did have a loss, are you holding some anger toward God or the universe and are having a hard time reconnecting to your spirituality? Hannah's Question: Hannah has been dealing with panic and anxiety since her mother's death last year. She would like guidance on how to handle what may be a traumatic experience in the future. Hannah's Key Insights and Ahas: Her mother died due to COVID-19. She has developed PTSD over her mother's death. Her husband is deploying to the military this year. She feels as if she is on auto-pilot. She felt solely responsible for the planning of her mother's funeral. She is afraid to grieve because she doesn't know how it will affect her. She is going to therapy. She experienced family trauma during her youth. She felt sad but people didn't notice. She and her mother shared a mutual passion for spirituality. She feels anger toward the universe for taking her mother from her. How to Get Over It and On With It: Read The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise. Allow herself to fully experience grief by considering it as honoring how much she loved her mother. Trust herself to feel to heal. Share her vulnerability with her husband. Express her anger with God and lean into her spirituality. When she is triggered, regulate her nervous system by using techniques to bring her into the present. Takeaways: Are there any areas in your life where you have moved through a loss or transition and you didn't allow yourself to grieve? Let your emotions out when you feel angry toward God or the universe. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Today I am joined by one of my dearest friends and someone who inspires me on the regular with her integrity, creativity, and depth of love. Danielle LaPorte is a member of Oprah's Super Soul 100, and former director of a future studies think tank in Washington, DC. She's the author of The Fire Starter Sessions, White Hot Truth and The Desire Map, which has sold over 300,000 copies. She's the creator of the Heart Centered Facilitator Program and Membership with 400+ leaders doing Heart Centered conversation circles and workshops in over 30 countries. Her podcast, With Love, Danielle often ranks in iTunes' Wellness Top 10 with over 1 million downloads. DanielleLaPorte.com was named "Top 100 Websites for Women" by Forbes, and has over 5 million visitors per month. Her charity of choice is Ally Global: helping survivors of human trafficking to rebuild their lives. She lives in Vancouver, BC. Find her on Facebook or Instagram @daniellelaporte.

This episode is transforming nervous habits and meeting unmet needs. Today's caller, Morgan, has a big part of herself that she wants to change. Her needs in childhood were unmet by her mother and she created a nervous behavior as a coping strategy. If you bite your nails, pick your skin around your fingers, pull apart split ends, or any other nervous habit you would like to transform, this episode will help. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode336] Understanding the why behind a behavior doesn't make it go away. We need to remember that a nervous behavior is a physiological manifestation of an emotion. It is an alarm system that alerts us that a need that wasn't met in childhood is still not being met. When we have a nervous habit, it is telling us that we are trying to calm or suppress something. Needs, especially in childhood, are real and important. If certain needs aren't met at certain stages in life, it hinders who we are as adults. It doesn't break us but it does impact us. There is a strong developmental need to feel nurtured, nourished, and to feel a calming presence. When we are children our nervous system is developing or imprinting. Needs that are not met in childhood haunt us as adults. Any primary need we didn't get met in childhood will continue into adulthood. Over time, we develop coping strategies to try to handle the anxiety around that unmet need. If we don't get our needs met, our coping strategies come with little alarm systems that alert us that we need attention. Anything is healable. The first step of any transformation is acceptance. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have a nervous habit you would like to break free from? Do you have shame around that habit? Did you grow up in a house with a parent or parents who had a lot of anxiety? Do you believe you can shift something or do you want to continue carrying around the story that you can't? Morgan's Question: Since childhood, Morgan has had a nervous habit of picking at her skin. She would like guidance on how to manage her anxiety in a healthy way. Morgan's Key Insights and Ahas: She's had a spiritual awakening recently. She grew up in a stable home. Her mother has an anxious personality and body image issues. She worried about her mother's anxiety. She started picking at her skin because she wasn't having her needs met. Her mother had conditions around giving love. She felt she had to earn love from her mother. She didn't feel nurtured as a child. She doesn't fully understand why she picks her skin. She feels shame around her habit. She doesn't know what she needs for herself or who she is. How to Get Over It and On With It: When she begins picking her skin, stop and ask herself how she can nurture and nourish herself at the moment. Read Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power and Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance. Acknowledge that she loves her mother but there were needs her mother didn't meet. Look at her skin and scars and have compassion for herself. Believe she can shift her behavior. Grieve her mother wound, do anger release, and let the resentment out. Takeaways: Think about the needs you did not have met as a child and consider how you can give them to yourself now. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Dr. Thema Bryantis a clinical psychologist and president-elect of the American Psychological Association. She is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and an ordained minister in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. With more than twenty years of experience in trauma recovery, she has appeared as a mental health expert on television, radio, and print media. Dr. Thema raises awareness about mental health issues on The Homecoming Podcast and her social media platforms. Her new book HOMECOMING: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self is road map for dismantling the fear and shame that keep you from living a free and authentic life. Learn more here: https://drthema.com/

This episode is about loving and accepting all parts of ourselves, even the ones that challenge us. Today's caller, Odeta, struggles with her attachment to wanting to change a critical part of herself. The judgment and attachment are what is preventing her from being able to shift it. Any part of ourselves we judge or shame or anything we attach ourselves to shifting just holds on stronger. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode335] Self-love is not a state of being where we are in complete unconditional love with ourselves all the time or we love all parts of ourselves all the time or we never get triggered. Maybe there are some people on the planet who live that way, but they are few and far between. No matter how much work we do, we are still human. We still have parts that maybe we don't like very much; maybe our inner critic comes up. Self-love is the same to me as self-assurance. It is radical self-acceptance. It is accepting all parts of us, even the ones we want to change. For all coaches or anyone in the helping field, it is important for us to be honest about where we are. Walking the talk isn't about being perfect. Walking the talk isn't about having it all together, that is more about wearing a mask. Walking the talk is about owning that we have areas where we are doing well and the areas where we recognize that we are still human and that we are still learning. To be an effective coach, therapist, or practitioner, you don't have to arrive at some magic place. It is more about having the training, the experience, the intention, and the skills to hold space for people as they go through things you have been walking through too. Take the expectation off of yourself that you have to be perfect. Stay human. Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute closes on March 10, 2022. It begins mid-March. It is a nine-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you intend and strive for self-love but you can't seem to get there? Do you have a nasty inner critic or inner judge that gets in your way? Is it hard for you to love and accept certain parts of yourself but are dead set on getting them to change? Odeta's Question: Odeta has done a lot of personal development work but fear and judgment of her ability to self-love are holding her back from being her best self. Odeta's Key Insights and Ahas: She can be paralyzed by anxiety. She is a coach, yoga instructor, and breathwork facilitator. She is an inspiration to her clients but is critical of herself. She feels she is learning the same lessons over and over. She is an overachiever and then burns herself out. She has done a lot of personal development work. She feels like an imposter and wants to show up differently. She feels like her inner critic is an enemy. She was bullied and body shamed as a teenager and didn't understand why. She grew up in an immigrant family. She tried to be perfect at everything to better belong. Part of her is stuck in her adolescence. She feels resistant to shifting. How to Get Over It and On With It: Accept that she wants to shift certain parts of herself without being attached to it. Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Dr. Richard Schwartz about Internal Family Systems. Begin a dialogue with her 12-year-old self and remind her that she is safe. Realize her inner child is trying to protect her and is not her enemy. Takeaways: Any aspect of you that you don't like, that you want to change, has a positive intention. Until you can fulfill that positive intention in another way it is going to hang on. The essence of self-love is loving and accepting all parts of ourselves. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram [email protected] — Males who want to be on the show [email protected] — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Do you want to learn more about that voice in your head? Then you'll love this episode. Ethan Kross, PhD, is one of the world's leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. An award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and the Ross School of Business, he is the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. He has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS EveningNews, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle,and NPR's Morning Edition. He is the bestselling author of CHATTER: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It