All Things Marriage with Dr. Chavonne

Today we are talking all about Fresh Starts! You can create a fresh start whenever you want. The only thing that's required is a desire for things to be different.In this episode I'm sharing with you my perspective on what it takes to create a fresh start in your marriage.And to walk out these steps in creating desired shifts in your own marriage, sign up for my new Fresh Start Challenge by going to drchavonne.com/fresh-start-2022.

I am excited to share with you a really fun, powerful, and eye-opening conversation that took place a few months ago at the Millennial Marriage Toolkit Summit hosted by fellow marriage coach Shivonne Davis. This was a deeply soul-stirring interview where we talked about God, marriage, and where I shared some life coaching tools along with Christian faith principles that you can use to improve your marriage and love each other well. In this episode we discuss:How to love WELLThe mindset of great communicationTwo things that kill communicationHow to walk through the discomfort of negative emotionsHow to get to a deep intimate space in your marriage Ready to sharpen your marriage so that it can get restored to its original intent? This conversation will definitely bring you some clarity on how to do that. Press play to learn more.

Are you loving this 3 part training on fight-free holiday? I had a wonderful time presenting this information to you and I know that you were able to gain some valuable insight that you can utilize to make this holiday season fight-free.If you've been following along, day one was all about how to avoid arguments in the first place. Day two, we talked about how to de-escalate arguments, when you're in the middle of a conversation that's going down a road you don't want it to and today we are wrapping up with a discussion about how to recover after a conversation goes wrong.I want to offer you that no one of those three things is better than the other. It's not necessarily better to avoid arguments or to prevent intense conversations from turning into arguments, or recovering. They're all equally valuable and important strategies to help you make your marriage better. And so in this episode, I will share with you five points as it relates to the mindset of recovering because there is a certain way that you have to think about tense moments or difficult conversations or arguments that will help you recover well. Specifically, you will learn to think of these experiences as…Just a moment in timeA learning opportunityA forward-moving journeyAn opportunity for a deeper connectionPress play now to learn more about how to actually recover after a conversation goes wrong.

Today we are continuing with Part 2 of our Fight-Free Holiday training and discussing how to de-escalate arguments. It’s impossible to never have a disagreement. That’s not even the goal.But when you do find your conversations veering off track, and you want to end on a good note, this episode will show you exactly what to do. De-escalating arguments requires a different skill set than avoiding arguments. That’s because there is actually a certain mindset that creates arguments in the first place.In this episode you will learn:the 4 thoughts that drive you to create argumentsspecific strategies to use so that you calm yourself down during a heated discussionhow to end on a good note, or pause the conversation and come back when you can both talk more calmly.There are a lot of gems in this episode, I encourage you to grab a pen and a notebook so you can jot down these nuggets and laser in on the one strategy that you will apply in your marriage.

This is my absolute favorite time of the year. The period between Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year is a time of major celebration for me and my family but I also recognize that while the holidays may be the most wonderful time of the year for some, that's not necessarily true when it comes to relationships.When you're already struggling in your marriage, it can be a challenging time during the holiday season where you have the gatherings and additional time together than you might during other parts of the year, which can create a lot more opportunities for conflict and issues. And so in honor of this time of year, I want to provide you with an amazing resource that I created that will help you get through the holidays, fight free. In this episode, we are going to discuss avoiding arguments in the first place. I'm sure all of us would like to have many fewer arguments or difficult conversations that don't end well. Specifically, you’ll learn:How emotionally reactive are you, scale of one to 10How to value your partner's perspective as much as your ownHow to look at the positive in your communication with your spouse Consider that there are multiple solutions that take both of you to figure out How to tolerate negative emotions and not use them as an act of war I encourage you to grab a pen and a notebook so you can jot down these nuggets and laser in on what is most applicable and relevant for you.

In general, a trigger is anything including memories, experiences, or events that sparks an intense emotional reaction, regardless of your current mood. On any given day, you probably experience a range of emotions such as excitement, unease, frustration, joy, disappointment. Your response to these events can vary based on your frame of mind and the circumstances surrounding the situation.In marriage, a trigger is defined as an intense reaction to anything your spouse says or does. These triggers are usually there to teach us something, however, we don't pause to learn what the trigger is teaching us. Instead, it usually leads to us overreacting and arguments. That's why knowing what your triggers are and how to deal with them at the moment is important. In this episode of the podcast, I share five steps you can use to handle your triggers at the moment and avoid tension in your marriage.

One of the greatest human needs is to connect. To be seen, heard, and known by a person you care about deeply. When couples can’t connect, they experience communication breakdowns, unnecessary arguments, they don’t operate as a team, and they feel lonely. However, men and women are wired to connect differently, and these differences are often misunderstood. Knowing and accepting these differences helps you to work with them instead of against them.In this episode of the podcast, I share the steps to creating the kind of connection you want in your marriage. Specifically, you’ll learn:the most important step in creating a deeper, more vulnerable connectionwhy it feels hard to connect with your spouse in ways you prefer what you may be missing in your current level of connectionwhy starting small will create massive breakthroughs the one habit you may have that’s making connecting with each other harder If you’ve been struggling to connect and feel like your marriage operates on a surface level, this episode will really help you make progress.

Being married is the bringing together of two completely different people with two completely different ways of thinking, being, and operating in the world. There will be times when you don’t understand or agree with your spouse. In those moments, it is human nature to judge the other person as wrong. But judging each other only leads to conflict, tension, and distance - the exact things you DON’T want in your marriage.In this podcast episode, we are tackling the topic of judgment. Here’s what you will learn:what your exact judgment cycle looks like and the dance you and your partner are unconsciously doing with each otherthe reasons behind your judgment of each other, and why you fall into the habit of judging each otherthe specific ways judgment creeps in your marriage and creates a more undesirable experience for you boththe 5 most important personal shifts you each need to make in order to lessen the impact of judgmental tendencies. This is the topic everyone is thinking about wanting help with and that help is finally here. Tune in now to address judgment in your marriage, and move into greater acceptance, understanding, and love for each other.

When it comes to relationships, we don't think of ourselves as being in need of skills, especially in marriage, because what brings us together most times is this natural organic connection for each other. It's not something we're even consciously working to create, it's just there. But it does take a certain set of skills to maintain the kind of marriage you want. You must be constantly aware of developing, cultivating, mastering specific skills to create the experience that you want together. And so that's what we're going to be talking about today. In this episode, I’m sharing the 5 most essential skills you need in order for your marriage to thrive. In addition, you will learnthe difference between skills you develop vs. traits you inherently havethe mindset required to build your own skills in your relationshiphow you’ll know when you’ve mastered the marriage skills As you listen to this episode, I want you to keep in mind, what is the marriage that you want? What is the relationship with each other that you would like to have? How do you want to be feeling? How do you want to be thinking about each other and treating each other and interacting with each other? Because whatever you want, if you're not currently experiencing it, there is a gap. And that gap includes a gap in skills. Press play to learn what these skills are, why they are important and how to cultivate them so that you can thoroughly enjoy your marriage.Mentioned in this Episode: Better Together Couple’s Event: https://drchavonne.com/better-together-couples-event/

If you are interested in changing your life for the better, speaking with someone who is a professional in helping others meet the outcomes that will bring them success and fulfillment in all areas of life can be extremely helpful. Therapy, coaching, and counseling are three services that can provide this type of assistance. These services have helped countless people live their best lives, but they are often confused. Although coaching, therapy, and counseling occasionally help clients with similar problems, their work is not the same. In this episode of the podcast, I’m sharing my view of the unique difference between coaching, therapy, and counseling, and all the other things that people can do to access help for their lives and their marriage. 

Lack of follow-through is a common issue so many couples face. Whether you are disappointed your partner is not following through, or you feel bad that you are unable to follow through, it’s an experience that puts a strain on your relationship. When individuals in a couple don’t follow through, trust in the relationship is eroded. It sends the message “I can’t depend on you.” Conversely, when there is follow-through, momentum is built and you have greater confidence in the direction you want to be headed in together. In this episode of the podcast, I’m sharing more about this topic. I break down what makes following through so difficult, and then walk you through a 6-step process for increasing your ability to follow through. Here’s what you’ll find inside:the top things couples WANT to follow through on but have a hard time doing consistently (see just how much you’re not alone)a greater understanding of the relationship between lack of follow-through and your negative perceptions of each otherhow being able to follow through creates a new identity for you and your partnerthe most important 6-steps to take in order to be able to follow through on the things that matter most to you.This episode is a MUST listen if you want to be a couple that follows through on your commitments and promises to each other.

There is probably no greater frustration in marriage than to not have your expectations met. Expectations are the rules we adopt that tell us what someone else is supposed to think, feel and act. In marriage, expectations are often the cause of a lot of unhappiness.In this episode of the podcast, we are going to take a new look at the idea of expectations. You will have the opportunity to work through a current expectation that you have that is not being met in your marriage. I will talk you through my 5-part process of how to question your expectations and identify if they make sense to hold on to. You willdistinguish between expectations and personal desires - and why knowing one from the other will change everything about how you make requests of your partnerlearn how to tell if your expectation is causing you to create resentment and distance in your marriageuncover the real reasons why you have expectations and honor what feels most right for you, regardless of what your spouse is doingcreate a sense of peace for yourself when expectations are not being metExpectations can be a great way to build the kind of marriage you want together. That process starts with questioning the ones you have now and making sure you end up with the right expectations for the kind of couple you are wanting to be together. Listen to this episode now and walk away feeling great about your expectations instead of frustrated by them.

Today’s podcast episode will calm your fears and help you have the right perspective about doubting your marriage.Having doubt about your marriage is more common than you might think. Many people question if their marriage will last, or if they married the right person. These thoughts, in and of themselves are not the problem - it’s what you do with them that either makes your marriage stronger or weaker.In this episode, you will learnwhat causes you to doubt your marriagewhat it looks like to live in “Doubt Mentality” day to day with your spousewhat doubt really is (hint, it’s not what you’ve been told)how being certain about your marriage is not dependent on the circumstances that are happeningIn addition, I share with you a specific set of thoughts that will help you immediately step out of doubt and into a confident assurance about your future. I’ll walk you through my 5-step process for managing doubt so that you get to create a marriage that feels secure and stable.Knowing where you’re headed together as a couple is priceless. Listen to this episode now to get an approach that will help get you there. Mentioned in this Episode: Better Together Couple’s Event: https://drchavonne.com/better-together-couples-event/

Today’s podcast episode will inspire you and show you all that’s possible for you with your spouse. One of the greatest assets you have in making your marriage better is a vision for what you want to experience together as a couple. When couples struggle, it’s because they don’t have a clear picture of what they are striving for. They get stuck in the “reality” of what’s missing and don’t focus enough on what can still be.This week, I’m helping you reconnect with what it looks like for you to thrive together as husband and wife in a profound way. You will have hope again. You will allow yourself to dream again. You will remember what it was like to love your marriage.In this deeply emotional episode I discuss:the impact of having a better marriage and how your life will be differentwhat better conversations look like among a couple and what your communication goals should look likewhat it really means to have a better connection and how it supports your overall emotional well-beinghow having better thoughts about each other radically improves the day-to-day and long-term experience you have togetherThere is such value in having a better marriage, even beyond how you feel today. It’s about having a better marriage for the rest of your life. It’s about creating a legacy for your children, and their children.Listen to this episode and then bring your longing to be Better Together as a couple to the virtual couple’s event I’m hosting on October 22-23. It will set your marriage on the path of turning what you want most into reality. Details and registration information can be found at https://drchavonne.com/better-together-couples-event/ 

Making time for your marriage can sometimes feel like a sacrifice. There are many competing demands for your time and energy. But when you don’t treat your marriage as a priority, you and your spouse struggle to connect. And connection is what makes a marriage work. In this episode: you’ll learn how to use a simple framework to think about the time you invest in your marriage you will determine if your motivation for how you spend your time outside of your marriage is coming from the right place or not you will shift the way you think about making time for your marriage from looking at what you lose to focusing on all that you gain you will understand the connection between making time for your marriage now and saving yourself time later I also share a real-life example of how I recently applied this in my own marriage. Making time for your marriage is an investment that always pays off. You’ll be more comfortable around each other, have better communication, and ultimately get along better. Join me on the podcast today for a valuable conversation about the importance of making time for your marriage.

Anytime a couple is not on the same page one person is likely to feel very disappointed or frustrated. Many people come to me asking the question of how to get their spouse on board with something. In this episode, I give you my honest answer and introduce you to a 5-step process for having these types of conversations. I make the distinction between inviting your partner to consider something versus trying to convince them. In this episode you will learn: -the right way to start an important conversation -what energy do you need to bring to best engage your spouse -how to make the invitation irresistible to your spouse -how to get their buy-in without dragging them along AND… I also share a SPECIAL invitation for you to join me at my Virtual Couples Event: Better Together. This event will be held from Friday, October 22 2021 to Saturday, October 23, 2021. Friday will be a virtual date night in and Saturday is an in-depth virtual workshop where you will be given the tools you need to create a marriage you love. To register and get additional details visit https://drchavonne.com/better-together-couples-event/

I know for many when you got married, you really didn't have many doubts. You felt like this was a great match that you were thrilled to be committing your life to spend together and you know, things happen. And maybe you're hoping to be back in that place again. I want you to know that no matter where you guys may find yourself right now. That connection, that enjoyment, that fun, that love, that passion, that excitement is still there. There may be things standing in your way right now. But all of those things can be removed. You can learn to love your marriage again and I want to help you with the “again part” of loving your marriage again. Tune in to learn more. If you are at a place where you're ready to get some help with your marriage and work directly with a coach that gets exactly what you're going through, that knows the exact plan and process to get you to a better place. Then here I am for you. You can visit www.drchavonne.com to schedule a call with me directly.