All Things Marriage with Dr. Chavonne

Self awareness brings choices.When you can notice your tendency to do or think certain things, you now have the choice to move yourself in the direction that moves you forward or keeps you the same. In this podcast episode, I offer 7 specific areas to examine where your commitment lies when it comes to your mindset about your marriage.For each one, I encourage you to assess where you fall currently in terms of your commitment. Where are you spending most of your time and energy.Whatever awareness comes up is a good thing and is pointing you in the direction you actually WANT to go. Your commitments are what create the results in your life. Whatever you choose either intentionally or unintentionally will lead you toward progress or staying stuck.Tune in to see where you land on the 7 most important topics. Also mentioned in this episode: Private coaching: If you are ready to take the steps to create a happier and more enjoyable experience in your marriage, I invite you to consider private coaching with me. To learn more and to book your complimentary consultation call, visit my website: DrChavonne.com

One of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself is deciding to have your own back.This is where you consciously make the choice to take care of your emotions and operate from a place of love, grace, compassion, and understanding of yourself.In marriage, there will be times when you will feel alone, rejected, dismissed or misunderstood by your spouse.The solution is not to spend endless conversations trying to get them to understand you or change their perspective.The most empowered, and peaceful place for you is to have your own back.In this podcast episode, I dive deep into this topic and share the 5 most important times to have your own back.Following this principal will help you avoid unnecessary arguments, days of feeling frustrated, and wasted energy trying to convince your partner to be different. Tune in now and learn more about how to have your own back, and be a constant best friend to yourself.Also mentioned in this episode:Marriage Coach Mondays: Join me live for a public coaching call, each Monday (until Dec 18) at 12noon EST. Simply Dial: 669-274-9890And if you are looking for professional help in your life or marriage right now, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation call with me. Visit DrChavonne.com to learn more and to book your time.

If it feels hard to talk to your spouse without them getting defensive, then this podcast episode is for you.One of the most common questions I get it this: "What do you do when you spouse is so defensive every time you bring certain things up?"I'm answering this question directly and sharing with you my 4-step Defensiveness Protocol for navigating this situation in your conversations. You'll learn exactly how to think about your spouse's defensiveness in a way that leave you feeling less offended and frustrated. You'll know how to respond to them better, and also how to address your needs that are likely not being heard in the moment. This is an episode you will return to again and again.Also mentioned in this episode:Marriage Coach Mondays - my new 10-week free Marriage Coaching Call. Dial in directly and speak with me about any marriage related question and issue you want help with. It's a simple conference call, you can be anonymous, and get as much help as you need between now and December 18th. Meet me every Monday at 12noon EST and dial: 669-274-9890Private coaching with me - if you, or you and your spouse would like support improving your communication, breaking unhealthy patterns of interacting, and reconnecting and feeling like a happy, close couple again, I can definitely help you. Schedule a complimentary consultation call with me to talk about working together in my 6-month highly supportive private coaching program. Details can be found here: DrChavonne.com

So many people struggle with feeling unheard and misunderstood in their marriage. It's disappointing, discouraging and frustrating to bring issue and concerns to your spouse only to be met with defensiveness, or a dismissive attitude.This podcast episode takes a deep dive into 6 main reasons why this is happening.You'll uncover if there are specific things you could do differently to create a win-win conversation where both of you feel good about the interaction. You'll also understand the things that may be going on with your spouse that prevent them from being able to hear you and respond with understanding, empathy and compassion.Having this insights and awareness enables you to make the necessary adjustments and create a conversation that's helpful and healing instead of aggravating and contentious. Tune in now to answer the important question of why you are not being heard.Also mentioned in this episode: Private coaching is open. If you are ready to have more conversations where you are truly heard and understood, working with me in my private coaching program will get you there. I work with both couples and individual women to address the issues creating breakdowns in communication, and teach you new skills and habits that create more calm and peaceful discussions. Through my private coaching program, you'll feel better about yourself and the direction your marriage is headed. To schedule a complimentary consultation call, visit my website: drchavonne.com

No matter what area of your life or marriage you'd like to improve, you will go through a predictable set of steps to making changes and then ultimately making the shifts your new reality. In this episode of the podcast, I break down what those steps are, what you can expect to experience and how to move yourself along with the right mindset.You'll learn what keeps us from making positive changes in the first place, how looking toward your future self can help inspire action now, and how to set yourself up for success even when it feels like you are "failing."If there is any area you want to be better or different in your life right now, this episode will give you the perspective you need to understand where you are, and to ultimately move yourself forward toward what you desire to create.Also mentioned in this episode is my new Masterclass: Unbothered: How to be Less Reactive Toward Your Spouse. it's happening Wednesday, October 4th at 6pm EST. Sign up here for free: DrChavonne.com/unbotheredIf you can't make it live, there will be a replay.

Every couple has a predictable pattern that leads them to become frustrated, disappointed, and disconnected from each other. The more you understand your patterns the greater chance you have of truly changing them.Inside my coaching program, The Marriage UpGrade, I teach my clients how to always identify their Disconnection Dance so that they can make the necessary adjustments in their actions to ultimately avoid arguments and remain in a more connected state with each other.In this podcast episode, I'm sharing this concept with you. In addition, I will show you how to use the information you uncover about your own disconnection dance to heal the parts of yourself that are hurting so that your trigger moments with each other don't have to erode the closeness and enjoyment you want to experience.Also mentioned in this episode is my new Masterclass: Unbothered: How to be Less Reactive Toward Your Partner. You can learn more about this Masterclass, and sign up for free here: https://drchavonne.com/unbothered/

Underneath every argument is a core issue that hasn't been addressed. The sooner you are able to identify what that is, the sooner you can get to the heart of the matter and spend less time debating the details of a situation.In this podcast episode I share with you the 6 fundamental questions each of you is asking when you are in conflict. Your emotional needs are showing up as uncertainty in answering these questions. As a result, you push, pull, and try to control the situation to get your needs met and these core questions answered.Understanding these 6 questions will help you to stop repeating the same patterns that keep you stuck, and help you to move forward.Tune in now to uncover which one is driving your conflict so you can get the resolution you are truly looking for.Also mentioned in this episode are several ways you can work with me to improve your communication and address the issues that keep you in conflict and disconnected as a couple. Visit DrChavonne.com to learn more about my private coaching options and my group program, The Marriage UpGrade.

Every person within a marriage has things about their spouse that bother them. It's to be expected.The challenge is managing how you handle the common frustrations, annoyances, and aggravating things that come up for you.Most conflict arises when you are not able to pause and reflect BEFORE reacting. In this episode, I share with you 6 possible reasons you are bothered by certain things about your spouse.Understanding these deeper issues will help you to be more empowered as you navigate trigger moments.You'll be able to self-reflect before lashing out and creating a communication or connection breakdown.You'll walk away from this episode understanding so much more about yourself, and what's actually happening when you feel bothered.With this new insight, and your intentional effort to address what's happening for you FIRST, you'll be able to more calmly discuss any challenges in ways you partner can hear you and respond to more positively. And if you would like to learn more about working with me directly, visit DrChavonne.com to learn more about my coaching programs.

A common issue I talk with people about is what to do when it seems like you are growing at a faster rate than your spouse.You are more self aware, working through your triggers, showing up as a better partner.Yet, it seems like your spouse is stuck with the same issues, reactions and mentality that made your marriage hard in the first place.It can be confusing for what you should do.Do you just need to be more patient? Will they ever come around? How can you find happiness with someone who's not moving in the same direction you are?I address these common questions inside this podcast episode.This is a conversation where we normalize different rates of growth and transformation because that's what happens in marriage.You grow, evolve and change at different paces. Tune in to find out why this happens, and more importantly, what you can do to keep yourself well and on track with your personal growth.I'll break down 5 specific steps to take, and also leave you with a pep talk to encourage you to keep going with your inner work so that you have more peace and fulfillment as your spouse walks their own journey.Mentioned in this episode: I have openings for private coaching, or my group program, The Marriage UpGrade. If you are ready to improve the quality of your marriage, or learn how to be less affected by your spouse, I'd love to support you.Visit DrChavonne.com to take the next step and book a complimentary consultation call with me.

There will be times in your marriage and life where it feels like you don't know what to do. The choices and next steps feel overwhelming. You have resistance or confusion about how to get unstuck.Don't believe the lie.Confusion, and :"not knowing what to do" is just your brain''s way of protecting you and keeping you in the same place.In my years of coaching so many clients, I find that most times, we are not confused and in fact know what to do. Yet there are obstacles and limiting beliefs that make if difficult to see a path forward. In this episode, I break down exactly what those obstacles are, where they come from, and what they are trying to do.I also share a specific process for moving yourself from a place of not knowing to a place of greater clarity and certainty in your next action or decision.This is a great episode to help you move forward in your marriage or in any other area in life.Also mentioned in this episode: My 6-month coaching program, The Marriage UpGrade, is re-opening for enrollment. If you still want to join the Fall 2023 Cohort, now is the time to get in. The doors are open this week only, and close on September 1st. To learn more, visit: https://marriageupgrade.drchavonne.com/

One of the quickest improvements my clients experience is being able to recover more quickly from an argument. They are able to reflect on what happened and reach out to each other in a loving way to make amends.Recovering from arguments quickly gives you more time to enjoy with each other, and less time spent not talking, feeling frustrated and resentful.If this is something you struggle with, this podcast episode will take you through a series of questions that help you to recover more quickly from an argument. By answering the questions presented, here's what you'll get:-a deeper understanding of why sometimes you might not be ready to move on from an argument, and how to know what you need to feel better- an honest look at the role you might have played in an argument, and how acknowledging your part can empower you to avoid the same pitfalls the next time-clarity around what was disappointing in your interaction and why it bothered you so much so you can get your needs met-a vulnerable way to express how you're feeling so you can create a heart-to-heart connection with your spouse-motivation to communicate from a place of love for yourself and your partner so you can recover in self-honoring ways instead of people-pleasing just to move on.This is an episode you can return back to time and time again after any difficult conversations.Also mentioned in this episode is the opportunity to work with me directly. You can learn more about my private and group coaching programs here: drchavonne.com

Do you ever find yourself experiencing resistance when it comes to taking positive steps to improve your marriage? You resist pausing before saying a hurtful comment to your spouse.You resist reaching out to your spouse when you're feelings are hurt.You resist expressing your love when it feels unreciprocated.You resist taking a long look at yourself and how you are contributing to your issues.You resist letting go of resentment and continue to hold a grudge.These are normal experiences that many people go through.There are a number of reasons you may be experiencing resistance right now.In this podcast episode I break down the 7 most common reasons I see among my clients and give you some specific next steps to take to move yourself forward.Tune in and learn:-what resistance in marriage looks like and how to know if this is where you are-the specific emotions you may be feeling that lead you to not take action-how you see your partner as a cause of your resistance-how past failure can often create resistance to trying again-how your view of yourself can help you overcome resistance-how to avoid shaming yourself if you can't find motivation right awayStaying stuck in a state of resistance will only keep you from experiencing the kind of marriage you truly want.Understanding your resistance and having specific steps to take will help you move forward in a more positive direction. Also mentioned in this episode: There are several ways you can work with me directly if you are looking for help in your marriage right now. Private coaching for couples, private coaching for individuals, and my group program, The Marriage UpGrade. Learn more about the programs I offer here: drchavonne.com

If your brain takes off down the negative thinking rabbit hole, this episode is for you. We are diving into the topic of rumination. If you struggle with this, I want to offer your comfort and solutions. Rumination is something to understand, have compassion for, and then gently redirect your mind to focus on thoughts that serve you and help you enjoy your life and marriage more.In this episode, I dive into the 4 ways we ruminate, the specific reasons why it happens, and a 5 step process to address the rumination happening in your own mind.And if you are looking for professional help in your life or marriage right now, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me. This is a call where we explore if working together is a good fit. You will share what you'd like to change and I'll detail the exact process I will use to support you in your goals. To book your call, CLICK HERE

The mom struggle is REAL. And for many of my clients, it hits a bit harder during these summer months. If you are feeling at your wits end, and want to find ways to get more help and support as you do "all the things," this podcast episode will really resonate and offer some practical next steps.First, we start with a pep talk to help you remember your value and just how great of a job you are doing as a mom.Then we dive into the exact steps I walk myself through to address some of the inevitable imbalances of the domestic load we as women often face. It's part rant, part tough love and empowerment, and part perspective shifting.Whether you are in the throws of motherhood and raising young children, or there are other overwhelming things falling off your plate, this is an episode you will want to return to again and again as well as share with one of your favorite mommy friends.Mentioned in this episode: The Marriage Maintenance Guide - the perfect way for you and your partner to start a 2-way conversation about what's working and what's not working in your marriage right now. Download it for FREE here: https://drchavonne.com/marriagemaintenance

There is not a couple I've ever spoken to who doesn't want better communication. The way you exchange ideas, express feelings, and examine your relationship is the backbone of your marriage. In this episode, I'm sharing with you 3 very specific steps to take to create more calm and productive conversations. When you apply these steps and master them in your discussions, you'll find it so much easier to get on the same page, understand each other, and ultimately feel more connected and united as a couple. Also mentioned in this episode is my couples coaching program, The Marriage UpGrade, which is open for enrollment now until July 31st. Inside this program you will take these three steps and get the support you need to work through any challenges and breakdowns in making them your automatic way of communicating. To learn more, and to join (your last chance in 2023), visit: DrChavonne.com and click The Marriage UpGrade.

Sometimes making decisions together as a couple can be challenging.You both come with your various perspectives and ideas.Getting on the same page can take a long time, or not happen at all.In this podcast episode, I'm sharing the mindset and steps to take in order to have more productive conversations when you and your spouse are making big decisions.This episode was inspired by several conversations I've had with people who want to do one thing, yet their spouse is unsure or a bit hesitant. Tune in to hear the 3 thoughts that must anchor you in your discussions, and exactly what to do, and what not to do when you have that decision-making conversation.Whether you are trying to come to agreement on joining The Marriage UpGrade, or some other important matter in your life, this episode will guide you through a process that works to much better for you both.Mentioned in this episode: The Marriage UpGrade, which is open for enrollment now until July 15th. If you are looking to argue less, feel closer, and enjoy more time being a happy, loving couple, this is the program that will get you there. To learn more, and join, visit MarriageUpGrade.DrChavonne.comI'd love to see you inside.

I'm delighted to introduce you to my clients Antonette and Sylvester (Sly) who are members of The Marriage UpGrade. They have been married for over 30 years, and have unlearned and re-learned so many new ways of operating as a couple. Antonette and Sly initially joined the first cohort on the brink of divorce, and quickly gained hope as they got new tools and were able to open up the lines of communication with the help of the program.You will get so much out of hearing their story. We talked about:-how things built up over time and created disconnection in their marriage-what helped Sly the most in deciding to join the program-what they've learned and how each of them has changed over the past year-how they make the program work for them, even with busy schedules-why there is no age-limit to start working on your marriage, and what they are doing differently 30 years in-the value of the group experience and what it's like to be with other couplesThey are so vulnerable and honest about their marriage journey. It's an honor to also share it with you.And...The Marriage UpGrade is officially open for Enrollment! Grab your spot by going here: https://marriageupgrade.drchavonne.com/

This week we are celebrating The Marriage UpGrade turning one with podcast interviews of clients who have gone through the program.Today you will hear from Mark and Diana who initially joined the first cohort, and have continued in the program joining the second group.My heart exploded as I listened to how much has changed for them.Here's what we covered that I know you will find especially valuable:-the immediate difference they saw with this program compared to spending several months with a couple's therapist -how doing the inner work has been the secret to creating a better dynamic between them-the three areas of communication that have experienced the most positive shifts-how they went to contemplating separation to having breakthrough after breakthrough-what helped release years of resentment to create a more loving connection-how being in a group has exponentially helped them grow-what they think of me as their life and marriage coachI know you will use their story and success to fuel your own.And to learn more about The Marriage UpGrade, visit my website: DrChavonne.com and join the VIP List.

In this episode of the podcast, you will hear directly from my clients Matthew and Mary about their experience inside The Marriage UpGrade. We are only 3 months in the program, and so much has happened for them personally and in their marriage.We had an amazing conversation. Here are some of the topics we explored that I know you will find valuable:-the automatic shift that happened for Mary just in the act of signing up-how things changed for them immediately when they joined the program and used the resources-how Matthew went from dreading coming home to genuinely looking forward to the time with his family-the question Mary has learned to ask herself that keeps her and Matthew out of arguing-a pivotal conversation they were able to have during one of the Virtual Date Nights-how one phrase they learned has helped them de-escalate conflict immediately -what they love most about doing this work in a group environment I hope their experience inspires you for what's possible for you.And to learn more about The Marriage UpGrade, visit my website: DrChavonne.com and join the VIP List.

How well do you and your spouse travel together? For some, the idea of traveling brings up stress, frustration and annoyance. Your ideas of what the time together are very different, and communication lapses can create additional strain.in this episode, I give you 5 rules to abide by as a couple. These ideas work well if you are traveling together as a couple, with your kids, visiting family or even having a long weekend together at home. There is a certain mindset you have to adopt and certain practical things to make sure you do in order to have an enjoyable time together. This episode is perfect as we gear up for summer travel, or it can be one you save and return to later the next time you are planning a trip together. Also mentioned in this episode is my couples coaching program, The Marriage UpGrade. This 6 month program helps you and your spouse communicate better, both feel seen and heard, and connected in a deeper more meaningful way. If you would like to enjoy your time more as a happy, close couple, this is the program that will help you.To learn more, and get on the VIP list to access an entire library of resources, videos, and communication guides, go to DrChavonne.com and click The Marriage UpGrade. Enrollment opens July 15th.

The beliefs you adopt about your spouse, your marriage, and yourself matter. They create a lens by which you see everything you experience. Many times when I'm working with couples, they have biased perspectives. They hold on to disappointments and frustrations of the past, and bring them into their present-day interactions. They focus on what their spouse is doing wrong rather than taking personal responsibility.They stay stuck re-hashing the problem instead of focusing on solutions.In this episode, I dive into each of these topics and share how and why they keep you stuck feeling annoyed, frustrated, and unhappy.I share with you some solutions and new perspectives to adopt so that you are more open, and available to actually experiencing more of the marriage you want.Also mentioned in this episode is The Marriage UpGrade, my signature couples coaching program to help you and your spouse get along better as a couple, improve your communication, and operate as a more united and collaborative team.To learn more, visit: DrChavonne.com

Are you a good student? I've been contemplating what qualities and characteristics help people succeed at things they set out to do.Being good at marriage requires you demonstrate many of the same qualities you do when you are being a good student.I've often said that marriage is a school for becoming who you are meant to be in life.It will require you are clear about what you want, that you have a plan for getting there, and that you use any challenges as the opportunity to grow.Tune into this episode where I dive into how you can be good at marriage and enjoy the easy communication and deep connection you truly desire.Also mentioned in this episode:The Marriage UpGrade Waitlist is OPEN. You'll want to join it now.Being on the waitlist has the following benefits:-You get first access to joining TMU during this pre-enrollment period (now until June 30) before it sells out-You get an exclusive pre-enrollment bonus of 4 private coaching calls with me-You get immediate access to a private library of masterclasses, communication guides and marriage challenges you can use NOW to improve your communication and connectionTo get on the Waitlist, visit: DrChavonne.com and click The Marriage UpGrade

Emotional regulation is one of those super skills that will help you improve your communication better than anything else.Having better, more productive conversations is all about how well you and your spouse are able to keep yourselves calm and grounded.When you are emotionally regulated, you are intentional about your words, and able to solve problems and issues on a higher level.When you are emotionally regulated, you can create safety and both offer and receive constructive feedback in ways that bring you closer.Tune into this episode where we take a deep dive into the concept of emotional regulation, what it looks like in marriage, and 4 specific ways you can start building your skills in this area.Emotional regulation is a topic we go in depth on inside my couples coaching program, The Marriage UpGrade. You get the exact tools and guidance you need to be able to master this skill and improve your communication for good. To learn more about The Marriage UpGrade, and how you can join the next cohort, visit DrChavonne.com

In this episode, I share with you 7 things I deeply believe as a result of all my years of studying and coaching couples on marriage related issues.These 7 concepts and ideas are the most profound and transformative in truly creating the change you want to see.Listen as I share with you the truths, insights, and ah-has that have helped me personally and my clients to create better marriages.And to learn more about working with me directly, please visit my website at drchavonne.com

In most of the couples I work with, one person has a tendency to shut down in conflict. This creates a wall to connection and understanding. Shutting down, like any reactive behavior is a coping mechanism designed to protect you. However, it creates a block in moving your marriage forward in a better direction.In today's episode, I'm breaking down the 4 most common reasons this happens, and offering you solutions to help you break this unhealthy pattern. We dive into the mindset with specific beliefs to adopt as well as some initial steps to start taking now so that you can open up the lines of communication and have more productive conversations and resolution to your issues.This episode is a great listen whether you are the person who tends to shut down, or the person who is on the receiving end of the silence.Also mentioned in this episode is a portion of a talk I did on "How to Be Less Reactive". You can listen to that HEREAnd if you are looking for help and would like to work with me directly on communication issues, or any other topic that will create a better marriage, please visit my website: drchavonne.com to learn more about my individual and group coaching programs.

So many times when I'm talking with women, I see the ways they give up their power. How limiting beliefs for what's possible in their life run the show. What they have to settle for in their marriage because of their husband's issues. How they are reacting to life instead of intentionally CREATING the life they want. In this episode I share with you 5 key distinctions for women who decide on purpose to create a marriage + life they love, vs. women who accept the status quo. If you feel the tug for something more in how you experience your life, this episode is definitely for you.It will leave you inspired, and with an elevated perspective that supports you in living a life of intention, and a marriage that is more of what you want it to be.Also mentioned in this episode:The Well Made Woman Program is OPEN for enrollment. This is my 3-month coaching program just for women. In it you'll learn the mindset and skills to help you become more empowered in your life and marriage, so that you can take the actions that create the positive shifts you are looking for.To learn more and to join the program, sign up for the interest list at: drchavonne.com/wmw-interest

Self trust is one of the most important skills you can develop.I define it as the ability to have your own back. To know what you want and not doubt it. And to believe you are worthy and deserving of the BEST things in life.It's something that many of us as women don't have enough of.We spend too much time comparing ourselves to others, feeling bad about our lives and marriages, and finding all the ways we don't measure up.In this podcast episode I talk about self srust, how having more self trust will improve your life, and 5 steps to get starting building your ability to trust yourself more. In addition, I announce the opportunity to work with me this summer in my BRAND NEW PROGRAM - The Well Made Woman. This is a group coaching program just for women. To get all the details, go here: drchavonne.com/wmw-emails

Welcome back for Part 2 of the conversation we started last week.Today we are diving into how to address each other 5 Dynamics that keep your marriage stuck.You'll learn both mindset and specific strategies to help you overcome these obstacles that keep you and your partner from having better communication and a stronger connection.As you listen, identify ONE area to focus on for the next week.And if you're ready to work with me in private coaching, there are spots available for new clients. You'll learn how to take all of these tools and make them your new normal and have a marriage that works to much better. For more information, visit my website: drchavonne.com

In the work I do with couples, there are a few dynamics that predictably create issues. These ways of being and interacting with each other can ultimately lead to years of disconnection, resentment and take the marriage completely off course.In this podcast episode, I break down exactly what those 5 common dynamics are and how to recognize if they are happening in your marriage. This week in your marriage be on the lookout for how you and your partner may be falling into these negative patterns. Then be ready to tune in next week where I give you solutions for how to correct these issues and put your marriage on a better trajectory.

Disappointment is inevitable in your marriage.From a response that you didn't like to lack of follow-through, there will be plenty of times where your expectations are not met by your spouse.In this week's episode, we are talking about the most common examples of disappointment I come across in my practice, why disappointment is so hard to deal with, and the three specific ways people react to disappointment that strain their relationship even more.I provide you with a 6-step process to dealing with disappointment that helps you navigate this emotion in more positive and productive ways that honor your desires and bring you together as a couple.

Today I am taking you deep inside a coaching conversation inside The Marriage UpGrade Virtual Retreat. "What do you do when you know better, but you are still not doing better?" This is the essence of the question one of my brilliant clients asked this past weekend. We talked through the idea of having self awareness of your triggers, yet still choosing to react in ways that are not helpful, and in fact, hurtful to your marriage.In this episode, I break down why sometimes self-awareness is not enough to help you change your habits and patterns of interacting. There is someone else running the show in these moments.I also give you 5 specific strategies you can use to increase your ability to over-ride your innate desire to lash out or shut down when in conflict with your spouse so that you can truly improve your communication and connection and have a better marriage.Mentioned in this Episode:Self Soothing Podcast EpisodeThe Marriage UpGrade Program

In this episode, I am taking you deep inside The Marriage UpGrade In Person Couples Retreat. If you've been wanting to know what it's like FOR REAL, this episode will give you all the juicy details.You'll learn:-the mindset I adopt when creating this experience for couples-how I prioritize making it a comfortable experience for everyone (introverts and extroverts alike)-the 6 specific principles that guide all of the exercises and activities we do-the changes couples experience in their marriage/relationship over the course of the two days-the 3 most important takeaways from this retreat and how you can apply these ah-has to your own marriage todayThis is the perfect episode to share with your spouse or partner if they have questions and are wondering if joining The Marriage UpGrade is something they are comfortable doing. And for any additional questions you might have, feel free to schedule a consultation call and speak with me directly about the program and couples retreat HERE.

If you've been interested in joining The Marriage UpGrade, and really want an insider's scoop on what it's like, this episode is for you.I break down some of the juicy details of the first cohort including how many couples joined, the results they created in their marriage, the breakthroughs they got, and their overall impression of the program. After listening to this episode, you'll have a much better understanding of what it's like being in this group, and how it will help you and your marriage.This is episode 1 of a 3-part series where I provide an insider perspective on the program. Stay tuned for the next 2 episodes as well! For more information about The Marriage UpGrade, visit my website: drchavonne.com Details about the Fall 2023 Cohort will be coming out soon!

In this episode, we are diving into the topic of regret. This is an emotion and experience that comes up often in marriage. Whether it’s from uncertainty in your match as a couple, hurtful words that are spoken in an argument, or times when you let yourself down, regret can flood in and create a lot of shame and guilt. This episode will help you understand regret in a way that empowers you to grow instead of spiraling into negative thoughts about yourself, your spouse and your marriage. I share specific steps you can take to turn any regret into a learning opportunity. Tune in how and find relief from regret and uncover how this emotion is an amazing teacher to you.

How much of a friend are you to yourself? Which voices have more weight in your head- the negative self-critical ones, or the loving, kind, and understanding ones?Which one you give more airtime to matters immensely.In this episode, I define Self-Compassion and why it's so important for everyone embarking on any marriage improvement process.I break down the 5 most common situations where self-compassion is ESSENTIAL and give you practical examples of what it looks like to choose self compassion instead of self loathing, or self-pity.Self compassion is the most loving power move you can make for yourself.Tune in to learn how to apply this skill to your own life and marriage today.

This is 46. I recently celebrated my birthday and found myself conflicted at how to respond to the many text messages and calls from loved ones wishing me the happiest celebration.I am so grateful for my life AND have also been surprised by how down my emotions have felt the past couples of days.For many of us, we expect to "arrive" in our forties. To feel more confident and self assured. But less talked about are the feelings and thoughts we can experience that make us feel inadequate, uncertain and questioning who we are in this world - even in midlife.Join me in this podcast episode where I share vulnerably what it's currently like for me in at 46. Like you, I have a human brain that offers me thoughts which create feelings and experiences like self-loathing, comparison, anxiety, body image issues, and inner child triggers. I also share how I am navigating these issues in my life with both the specific mindset I had adopted and the specific steps I am taking to care for myself and my emotions. No matter what your age, if you are struggling with any of these issues, you'll find this episode, extremely honest, relatable, and full of value as you walk through your own life.

Feeling annoyed with your spouse is a normal, common thing that all couples experience. There is no shame in acknowledging and recognizing this.The better you are at understanding and processing emotions like annoyance, frustration and irritation, the better you can deal with any trigger in your marriage.In this episode, I’ll teach you my 5-step process that explicitly answers the question, “what do I do when I’m so annoyed with my spouse?”You’ll walk away with a better understanding of the purpose of your annoyance, how it can serve you and your marriage, and how to respond to this feeling in ways that help you understand yourself better. Applying these steps will help you remain grounded and have more conversations that lead to productive resolutions that you feel good about.

Vulnerability is one of the most important skills to develop in order to have a deep and meaningful connection with your spouse.The more vulnerable you are, the more you allow them to truly see, understand and accept you. Yet, there are so many factors AGAINST us being vulnerable in marriage.In this podcast episode I talk about why it's hard to be vulnerable, how to overcome those challenges, and offer some initial questions and steps to take in order to create more vulnerability in your marriage.Being vulnerable start first with being honest, loving, and compassionate with yourself. When you are able to do this, you can be more vulnerable with less fear. I also share vulnerably from my own heart something I am working on in my own life that I hope allows you to see just how human we ALL are. If you are wanting a deeper connection in your marriage, where your conversations go beyond surface level topics, I invite you to consider working with me in one of my coaching programs. To learn more, go to my website: drchavonne.com

How well do you know yourself? It's an important question to consider. The degree to which you truly know, understand, and acknowledge yourself is an important factor in how satisfied you will be in your marriage.When you deeply know yourself, you can live a life that is truly aligned and brings you fulfillment. You are less dependent on your spouse NEEDING to show up a certain way. Your emotions are more regulated and you are less likely to argue, lash out or shut down in conversations. Knowing yourself is the key to being able to make the right requests, set boundaries, and communicate your feelings and needs.It's a foundational skill in having a better marriage. In this episode, I share with you the 10 Essential Things to Know About Yourself. Spend some time going through each one and rate yourself on how well you are doing. Then pick one to focus on for the week. Mentioned in this episode: The Values Exercise: CLICK HEREThe Marriage UpGrade: MarriageUpGrade.DrChavonne.comWorking with me in private coaching: DrChavonne.com

Today is Valentine’s Day.No matter how you are feeling about your spouse and marriage today, I want to invite you to experience and lead with love.On the podcast today, we are diving into the question, “what would love do?”I share some of the most common situations and experiences couples encounter that make it difficult to lead with love in the traditional sense - being kind, loving, and reaching out to each other for connection.If you struggle to lead with love when it feels like your spouse is not making an effort, is too critical, or dismissive of what you feel - then this episode will provide you with a valuable perspective that helps you make sense of your experience and honors your reality. I offer tangible, practical advice that makes navigating these situations so much easier for you.I dive into the idea that leading yourself with love means you take exquisite care of your own emotions, process what you are feeling, and feel better within yourself first. When you do this, it becomes easier to open yourself up to understand your spouse, and ultimately focus on your goal of having a better marriage. There is no better feeling in the world than love. I want you to experience it at higher and deeper levels, not only today, but every day. Use this episode to help you start doing that from the inside out. Join us inside The Marriage UpGrade to master it for the rest of your marriage: MarriageUpGrade.DrChavonne.com

This week on the podcast I’m sharing with you one of the tools I teach inside The Marriage UpGrade. While we definitely want to get you to a place where you are arguing less, disagreements will still happen. Sometimes your emotions WILL get the best of you, and so knowing how to recover and repair is an essential skill for every couple. Tune in as I break down what repairing really is and the MINDSET to make coming back together so much easier. In this episode, I offer the specific thoughts to practice and the exact thoughts that hold you back and keep you disconnected.In this episode, I mentioned 10 specific reflection questions to use after any argument:At what point did the conversation turn?What was I thinking in that exact moment?How was I feeling? What did it feel like in my body?What specifically did I react to? What bothered me most about what my spouse did or said?What thought about my spouse did I form in that moment? How did I choose to see them? What did I forget to keep in mind that would have helped the situation?What could I have done differently to avoid having the argument?What would I have liked for my spouse to have done differently? If I were to rewind things, and come from a place of love, openness and compassion, what would I say to my spouse? What would I say to myself?What is a lesson learned that I will take with me into the next conversation?There's still time to register for my free Masterclass, How to Talk Without Arguing on February 9th at 9pm EST. To learn more and sign up, go here:https://drchavonne.com/talk/To master this skill, and spend less time giving each other the silent treatment, join me inside The Marriage UpGrade. Enrollment opens February 12-15th. Don’t miss your chance to get the skills and support necessary to keep your marriage in a good place. Sign up here: marriageupgrade.drchavonne.com

In the moments when you and your spouse argue, you are getting that short term relief. You have the last word. You get your point across. You hammer in on what they are doing wrong. But have you ever considered the lasting impact of your arguing?In this podcast episode I’m sharing the 5 unintended consequences of arguing with each other. I define the 3 types of arguing I see most commonly in my practice, and then walk you through the long-term effects that your arguments are having on your marriage, your family, and your well-being.In this episode, I also invite you to attend my free Masterclass: How to Talk Without Arguing happening February 9th at 9pm EST. For details and to register, visit: drchavonne.com/talk

Over time, a lot of negative thoughts can accumulate about your spouse. And just like the trash that needs to be taken out regularly, your mind needs to be cleared of the stinky thoughts you have about each other.In this podcast episode, I share with you the process I teach my clients inside The Marriage UpGrade, that helps them to see each other in a more positive light.You'll also learn about the Balanced Thinking concept, and exactly how you can apply this idea to a real scenario in your marriage this week. When you are able to do so, you become more grounded and calm, and the conversations you have go better and end on a more positive note.If you want to be less frustrated and annoyed with your spouse, and be able to have more satisfying interactions, this podcast is a MUST listen.And mark your calendars! Doors to The Marriage UpGrade are opening February 12th. You'll want to get in as soon as you can. Space for the in-person retreat is limited and you don't want to miss out.Details can be found here: MarriageUpgrade.DrChavonne.com

A fresh start in your marriage can happen whenever you DECIDE it does.In this episode I share what fresh starts are, what holds us back, and how you can create positive shifts in your marriage today.What kind of marriage do you want to have?It can start now.This podcast will help you remove whatever is holding you back.I also invite you to guarantee a noticeable difference in your marriage joining my Fresh Start Challenge for free: https://drchavonne.com/fresh-start-2023/

What if this was the year that you go the marriage you wanted?I will show you how in a 5-step process called the Having What You Want Formula.In this episode, I break down how to identify what matters to you, what it looks like for you to create it, uncovering the obstacles currently in your way, how to be decisive and committed and how to take consistent, persistent action.If there's anything you want in your marriage, this episode will give you the road map to getting it.Ready to have me as your personal coach?Join my program, The Marriage UpGrade: marriageupgrade.drchavonne.comOr schedule a consultation call to discuss private coaching HERE.

It's Christmas Week! Let me wish you and yours a happy, healthy, holiday season.In this episode, I'm giving you exclusive content I shared at the recent Happiest Holiday Event I hosted inside The Marriage UpGrade.You'll learn the 5 most important steps for enjoying this holiday season MORE as a couple. Tune in, grab a notebook and pen and most importantly, APPLY what I share. It really will make such a difference in the dynamic between you and your spouse.For more information about The Marriage UpGrade, visit my website: DrChavonne.com

There are a certain set of things that stand in the way of you having the kind of marriage you want. Most often, we look at our spouse as being the main obstacle. In this episode we take a deep dive into looking at the things within ourselves that might be affecting our relationships. I share with you 5 specific internal obstacles that you want to explore and start working on. Making progress in these 5 areas will make conversations with your spouse much more productive, and create an opening for deeper and more meaningful connection.Mentioned in this episode: The Marriage UpGrade - my 6-month couples coaching program created to help you improve your communication and reconnect as a couple. Early enrollment is open until December 15, 2022. To sign up, visit: https://marriageupgrade.drchavonne.com/

As humans living in the real world in front of us, it's sometimes hard to imagine things that are not our reality. Yet, believing in the possibility of something you don't see yet is exactly what's required to help you create it. In this episode we are diving into the topic of seeing beyond what's currently happening in your marriage.I'll offer some perspective and specific tools you can use to give you more hope and belief that what you want is possible. Also mentioned in this episode is my couples coaching program, The Marriage UpGrade. There you AND your spouse will learn the mindset, beliefs, and thoughts you can start thinking on PURPOSE so that you show up better for each other and the marriage you want. To learn more and to sign up, go here: MarriageUpGrade.DrChavonne.com

Do you have the thought, "my spouse is not making any effort?"If so, this podcast episode is for YOU. I'll share with you the specific 5 reasons you are having this belief and exactly what to do about it. Brace yourself, because this is a loving wake up call.This is an unhelpful thought pattern that snowballs on itself to create more disappointment, frustration and disconnection. Part of the process of loving your marriage again includes eliminating the thinking that keeps you stuck, assuming the worst about each other, and collecting a list of all that's not working.This episode will help you do just that.

Today we are diving into the topic of having an ALL IN Mentality for your marriage.This is one of the key differences between couples who make the improvements they want in their marriage, versus couples who stay stuck or ultimately separate.When you have an ALL IN Mentality, you approach your challenges from a different perspective. You see them as learning and growth opportunities. You keep going, even when it's hard. You get the help you need, even if it feels a bit vulnerable. Listen in as I show you what happens when you are willing to go all in, and the results you can expect to come to you.Also mentioned in this episode:The Marriage UpGrade - my 6 month coaching program to help you and your spouse improve your communication, connect more deeply, operate as a better team, and increase your physical intimacy. Learn more here: MarriageUpGrade.DrChavonne.com