Who Am I Really?

Ginger who lives in Los Angeles, began her reunion journey as a teenager who found her birth mother, saw her picture, emailed her, but never made the leap to meeting the woman. In adulthood Ginger had given birth to twins who emotionally impacted her and reminded her of the story of her own birth shared by her birth mother via email many years before, so she resurrected their relationship. This episode is unique because we captured Ginger’s story in the lead up to her cross country reunion, then we followed up shortly after to see how things were in the aftermath of hours spent face to face with her birth mother. This is Ginger’s journey. Ginger (00:05):And I sent it to her and she wrote back and said, you have no idea what you have done for me. You have just uncapped 34 years of guilt and shame and made me feel so much better. And she asked me, would you be willing to, to meet and I said, Oh yeah, I definitely would.Damon (00:31):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Ginger who lives in Los Angeles. Her reunion started as a teenager who found her birth mother emailed her, but never made the leap to meeting the woman in adulthood. Ginger had given birth to twins who emotionally impacted her and reminded her of the story of her own birth shared by her birth mother many years before. So she resurrected their relationship. This episode is unique because we captured Ginger's story in the lead up to her cross country reunion. Then after to see how things were in the aftermath of an hour, spent face to face with her birth mother. This is Ginger's journey.Damon (01:37):Back in the summer of 2019, I was sitting on a plane ready for takeoff. When I checked email one last time before setting my phone on airplane mode, I found an email from Ginger who said she was meeting her birth mother in a few days. And she knew there was only going to be one chance to capture herself in the version of who she was before reunion. So she hoped we could record before and after interviews. I immediately recognized that she was absolutely right. We are different people before reunion, then we are after. So I emailed her back to say, yes, she admitted she had been listening to who am I really a lot in the days leading up to her reunion,Ginger (02:21):I was listening to it thinking, Oh my gosh, all these things are going through my mind about like, what's about to happen. And this is like an interesting spot to be in like that I'm in right now. And I won't have this spot anymore after this weekend. It's like, my life is going to be like before and after this weekend, it's going to be like, I'm a, I'm going to be a different person with different views. So I'm like, I shouldn't, I don't know. I just want to record and like tell the story like, as it happens so that, uh, the emotions are raw.Damon (02:55):Since I was traveling, I didn't have my normal recording setup. So I spoke to GingerDamon (03:00):Through my laptop with ear buds and their terrible microphone while sitting in the lobby of a library in Sacramento, California. So I hope you'll forgive me for the sound quality of part one of this episode, as we traded in for the experience of hearing Ginger's story, as she packed her bags for her reunion day. So what you're about to hear is Ginger's perspective before reunion in August of 2019, then her recount in September, 2019 of her reunion, two weeks before our call Ginger celebrated her 35th birthday. She said she felt like she was living in an alternate universe, given the surreality of what was about to happen in her life. Ginger admitted that her main thought was concerned that she would fly to Kentucky. Then her birth mother would back out of their meeting. So this was an interesting interview because we could only record the first half without any knowledge of how things would turn out. So like I always do. I asked Ginger to describe her life in her home and in her community as an adoptee, Ginger grew up in a small coal mining town called Harlan, Kentucky way down in the Southeast corner, near Virginia and the Northern border of Tennessee. She said, it's a place that's unlike the rest of America. Ginger's parents were trying to have children for 10 years before the call came for her parents to pick her up.Ginger (04:30):She said she ran right out to Belks. That was her store that she liked to go to. And she bought the prettiest little baby clothes and bottles and all this stuff. And she drove, um, the requisite hours to come and pick me up. And she said, she, she went into the hospital, she and dad, and they looked into this window with little bassinets of all kinds of little babies. And she said, she looked at me and she didn't know which was her baby, but she said, Glen, I hope it's that one. And she said, I was the prettiest little baby in the

David from Columbus, Ohio said he was practically at the front door of reunion, but drove away. Years later he finally found some siblings who looked almost exactly like him, and others who’s genetic connection was undeniable. David admitted he’s not an emotional guy, but the rollercoaster of his adopted mother sparking his curiosity, his fear of what he might face on a search, inaction when he had the chance, and the combinations of acceptance and rejection were a lot to bear over the years. This is David’s journey. David (00:08):And like I said, by nature, I'm not a very emotional person. I don't wear my emotions, on my sleeve but man, this was probably the most emotional thing. And I've buried three parents. And by far, this is the most emotional thing I've ever done in my life.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is David. He called me from Columbus, Ohio in David's story. You'll hear a man who was practically at the door of reunion, but drove away years later, he finally found some siblings who looked almost exactly like him and others whose genetic connection was undeniable. It's a story made for a book or a movie. Thankfully David has filmed it all. This is David's journey. When I spoke to David, he was in the process of filming a documentary about his adoption journey. He said that from what he's heard, he had a pretty charmed adoption. It was an arranged adoption. And he went straight from the hospital to his new home where he describes a fantastic life. His mother was a stay at home. Mom, his father ran a local used car lot.David (01:46):I had a, you know, just total attention and they showered me with love attention that stayed active in everything. Church, small groups played sports and did everything. So any and everything that I could ever want need think about was provided before I could really even think need or want it. So I was very fortunate in my situation to know nothing but love. And, and, uh, so I was very blessed as a child. And that continues to this day.Damon (02:19):David said he was an only child. His adopted mother was able to get pregnant one time, sadly, she had a bicycle accident and she was never able to get pregnant again. He said he had people in his life who filled the roles of siblings though. One dear cousin was like a big sister to David. He had a close buddy in the neighborhood, Kevin, who was also adopted, who was also adopted and was like a kindred spirit. And they grew up almost like brothers. They were that close. When I asked about adoption as an experience in his home, he said they only spoke of it twice in their house. The first time was when David was a boy, maybe five years old.David (03:02):You know, when I was old enough to understand my parents sat me down and told me that I was adopted. And then it was never really an issue after that. I mean, I look so much like my mother that, you know, there was never any, any thing, you know, where wow, you look totally different or, you know, if you didn't know better, you would have thought. My mother gave birth. It was how much we looked alike. And as far as the love or the thing, it was never an issue, you know, within the family cousins, you know, I mean, it was known, it wasn't a hidden thing, but it's just not something you sat around and talked about. It never, never really was an issue for me growing up. And they never made me feel any different. Uh, I would assume this is how, you know, most families areDamon (03:56):In adulthood. David's mother fell ill. She was taking care of her personal business and tidying her affairs with her loved ones. That was the second time they talked about adoption.David (04:07):And then the second time was when my mother was taking care of her business at the end, when she was sick and knew she wasn't going to be here much longer. She sat me down and I was 39, man. So we, uh, and we talked about it again and that conversation was, Hey, if you ever want to look, it's okay. There's a picture of your birth mother here. And you will recognize it when you see it because you look just like her. So, um, we talked about it once when I was five. And then once when she was getting her affairs in order before she departed. So those were the only two times that it really ever came up.Damon (04:53):What do you think when she said that to you at 39, there's a picture of your birth mother here and you look just like her?David (05:00):Well, naturally I really, you know, my thing was, why are we even talking about this mom? You know, what, why, why is this coming back up? And you know, it was one of those boys just be quiet and listen, let me say what I got to say type thing, because I had such love and I never felt like I missed out on anything or never really. I mean, i

Dr. Julie Lopez lives and works in Washington, D.C. Julie’s early childhood was happy at home, but it was her circle of friends that made her question just what was wrong with being adopted? When she graduated college, her need for information, for professional reasons, made her stumble across an old document she’d seen before, which impulsively steered her down the path toward reunion. Along hat road she found trauma that she was already prepared to handle and disappointment that she’s also thankful for because the whole experience keeps her grounded.Dr. Lopez runs the Viva Center – https://www.vivapartnership.com/You can find her book: “Live Empowered: Rewire Your Brain’s Implicit Memory To Thrive In Business, Love, and Life“The post 098 – Trained In Trauma appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Julie (00:05):Okay. I think behind every adoption there's usually trauma and then there is the just families don't give up children without some kind of distress and circumstance. You know, it goes against human nature.Damon (00:28):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Julie. She lives in Washington D C Julie's early childhood was happy at home, but it was her circle of friends that made her question just what was wrong with being adopted. When she graduated college her need for information, for professional reasons made her stumble across an old document she'd seen before which impulsively steered her down the path toward reunion along that road, she found trauma that she was already prepared to handle and disappointment that she's also thankful for. This is Julie's journey. Julie grew up in McLean, Virginia. She said her parents were very loving people who were somewhat open about her adoption from Catholic charities. Julie was the oldest child in their house, followed by a younger sister, adopted from San Antonio, Texas. A few years later, her parents were approved for a third international adoption from Mexico when her mother got pregnant.Julie (01:48):And I remembered her asking me, cause at that point I was seven, you know what, what should, what would I like to have happen? And she was pregnant, I'm going to have a child. And we all knew, you know, the adoption had gone through and what should we do. And I said, Oh you know what a both, but they didn't end up adopting the child from Mexico. And then my parents had another biological child two years after that. So there were four of us, two adopted and then a pretty big gap. And then two more children that were biologically connected to my adoptive parents.Damon (02:26):So in their home there were two older adopted girls, a five year gap, then two younger boys who were biological to her parents. That age differential can be challenging. But Julie said she was still close with her younger brothers, almost like a second mother to them while navigating the normal healthy battles that come with having a younger sister closer to her own age, but in her family they didn't talk about adoption much, at least not as much as they could have. She said she didn't know enough to be curious and ask questions.Julie (02:58):If I brought it up they would would've talked about it, but most of it would be their anxiety about me being upset. Right. It was like they definitely wanted to shelter me from that and so it wasn't really talked about hardly at all unless it was like more factual. Like I had this fact sheet about my biological mother and father had their age and their weight and their height and their interests and their nationalities and stuff like that. I always had thatDamon (03:31):This fact sheet wasn't comprehensive at all. It only spoke of her birth parents in generalities far less than what her actual non identifying information would have. Julie's parents let her see the document and she knew it was in a file if she ever wanted to review it again. What's interesting is the concept of adoption and its perception among her friends and in the community was the more challenging piece for her growing up.Julie (03:56):And so I would say the bigger impact on me as I understood it growing up was in school and the peers and things like that. The idea that I was adopted, I didn't have to know other people that were adopted. Like there was this one family in our church that had clearly adopted a child because their child was black and they were white. That type of thing, like an international adoption, but, but I didn't even really know them. I could just see them across like, you know, we were part of a pretty big church so I really, aside from my sister, didn't know anyone else adopted. Although like looking back there probably were other adopted people. I just didn't know that. But I definitely knew when we did, well, first of all, every time I went to the doctor and they wou

Christie was a shy child who wanted to participate in activities but held herself back from engaging. It wasn't until she was an adult that her adopted brother unexpectedly suggested Christie might want to search. That’s when their mother shared her adoption information. When she found her birth father, he openly acknowledged their relationship and explained that he and her birth mother would have been very young parents with no parents of their own. He introduced Christie to her birth mother, and the women took it slow, getting to know and trust one another. The biggest reunion surprise for Christie was realizing she wasn’t as well-adjusted about her adoption as she thought. Her reunions uncovered buried emotions that had plagued her since childhood, but she’s putting in the work to heal herself.The blog post Christie references is: https://adultadopteesupport.blogspot.com/2014/01/am-i-blood-or-am-i-water.htmlRead Full TranscriptChristine:                     00:04               That was the essence of what I grew up with, this feeling, this and not anything that my parents put on me. It was me putting on myself and from such a young age, I don’t even recall it happening, that I have felt ashamed of being adopted, that I knew that I wasn’t worthy of being kept, you know, so I’ve done a lot of work and it’s really profoundly changed me as a person.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Christie. She called me from Rocklin, California, a suburb of Sacramento. christie tells the story of being a shy child who wanted to participate in activities, but she held herself back from engaging. It wasn’t until she was an adult were her adopted Brother unexpectedly suggested that Kristi might want to search that her mother shared her adoption information with her. When she found her birth father. He openly acknowledged their relation and explained to the complexities of their situation as young parents Long ago. He introduced Christie to her birth mother and the women took it slow getting to know and trust one another. This is Christie’s journey….Damon:                       01:40               christie was born in the early 1960s in San Diego, California. Her adoptive parents took her home from the hospital when she was three days old. She always knew she was adopted, but her adoption was closed so her parents either didn’t know or never shared the details of for her adoption with her. Christie has a younger brother, also an adoptee, but they’re unrelated. They had a loving family where adoption was an accepted part of how things were. She talks about her demeanor as a child.Christine:                     02:09               I was a really shy child. I would say. That’s what I thought it was. I thought I was shy. I never wanted to draw any attention to myself. Um, I, I mean I had friends but I wouldn’t say I was terribly outgoing and, and I could never really put a label on it, but I would always compare myself to other people and find myself lacking in certain ways. Like, you know, they were always prettier than I was or smarter than I was or more interesting or whatever. So I always felt like I was not, um, that I was, I don’t want to say is good. That’s not really the right word. And I couldn’t really put a label on it for years until I dealt with it later on. But definitely a lot of things I didn’t choose to do, like sports and, and even though I had an interest in them, but I didn’t choose to do them because I didn’t want. I guess I didn’t want other people to judge me or find me lacking in areas. So I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself. I didn’t go to school dances or things like that. And I mean, like I said, I had friends that I would go hang out with. So it wasn’t like I didn’t have some sort of a social life

In collaboration with my friends, Louise Brown and Sarah Reinhardt I'm bringing you a conversation we had a while back when I appeared on their show "Adoption, The Making of Me. Sarah and Louise are both adoptees with unique stories of their own. These two friends and former business partners Launched adoption, the making of me to open up more frank, honest conversations about adoption with a unique twist. In each episode of their podcast, they recap a chapter of a book that focuses on adoption. Today, I'm sharing with you my story from season one, episode 10 of ATMOM. Adoption: The Making of MeWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Deanna, from outside of Tampa, Florida, could see in her youth that she didn't look like her adoptive family. In elementary school she discovered her name change documents under her parents bed which added to her desire to search for her birth family. When Deanna found her birth mother, she cried repeatedly listening to the woman's voice and when her husband found her she told him, 'We have to go to her now'. Unfortunately, her birth mother kept her vow of taking Deanna's birth father's name to the grave. But Deanna had her personal search network, her own patience and drive and God to thank for finding Mr. Greek. This is Deanna's journey.Florence Fisher, Advocate for Opening Adoption Records, Dies at 95Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Nina, from Minnetrista, Minnesota felt nothing but love in her adoptive family so much so that she wore her adoption as a badge of honor. Early in Nina's life, her adoptive father shared identifying information about her and, coupled with the birth of her children, Nina could no longer push down her desire to search. Nina's search did not turn out the way that she had hoped at all, But she she tries to move forward from a place of empathy for everyone involved in her origin story. This is Nina's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Margaret Jane lives right in the middle of rural Michigan, outside of Carson city. When Margaret Jane asked her mother if she was adopted it was an emotional revelation both for her adoptive parents and for MJ who learned her community already knew she was adopted. Incredibly, since her earliest days, MJ has been connected to her husband, her in-laws, and unbelievably her birth mother too -- but she didn't even know it. MJ shares her challenges with everyone knowing that she was adopted when she did not juxtaposed against the truly positive experience of everyone coming together in loving, accepting ways to reform their unique family. This is Margaret Jane's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

John, from Bowling Green, Kentucky grew up in Houston, Texas questioning why he looked different from his parents. When he asked about himself as a baby, his parents broke down. His adoption from Chile happened during a tumultuous time when their government supported the adoption of its own children, but the source of John separation from his family was much closer to home. In reunion John made the long journey to be face-to-face with his biological parents, see his homeland and reconnect with his birth family with what he believes is support from his adoptive parents from above. This is John's journey.Chile's Stolen ChildrenWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Bethany, from Gaithersburg, Maryland could see differences in herself and her white family, but her parents explained to those differences away and she believed what she was told.Unexpectedly, Bethany's birth mother found her, but the woman was not prepared to discuss her past nor reveal the truth about Bethany's true heredity. Fortunately DNA testing revealed the one thing that everyone close to Bethany was trying to hide, unlocked the relationship with her birth father, uncovered the truth about chapter one of her life. This is Bethany's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Tracy, from Ottawa, Canada lived in a unique situation with a mother who was the disciplinarian in their home. When Tracy found her birth family, she was shocked to see how much she resembled her sister among other huge family surprises. After reunion, Tracy's adoptive mother was not able to accept what she perceived as Tracy's betrayal once she found her birth parents. But Tracy says she has no regrets about any part of her search and reunion. This is Tracy's journey Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Mike, from Modesto, California, is a self-proclaimed introvert who was raised by a family of extroverted performers. With his adopted brothers, help Mike located his birth family, was well received on his paternal side, but was blocked out by a wall of defense by his birth mother. Thankfully Mike approached the reunion process with no expectations and lots of patience. He held out hope that one day she would change her mind about meeting him. This is Mike's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Barbara who called me from Grand Rapids, Michigan, grew up an emotional child adopted by two refugees of war. When she found her birth mother, Barbara felt an immediate connection, struggled to get answers about her birth father, and uncovered lies about her origin story after the woman passed away. DNA helped Barbara locate her birth father, But the man refuses to admit he may have been with her mother. So Barbara is left feeling lied to and disconnected from family members from every corner of her life. This is Barbara's journey Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

John, from Southern California, learned at 10 years old he was adopted. But he didn't do anything with the information for four decades while he lived a dream playing the game of basketball as a collegiate star, professional player, and international coach. On his search John found the man who transacted his adoption, heard stories of another man like himself who had trekked deep into Mexico to find his roots, and finally reached the inner calm that comes with knowing where he is actually from and who his people are. This is John's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Becky, from Sydney, Ohio, said she has always searched for someone who resembled herself. When she found her birth mother, she was wounded by the woman's fear reaction to having been found after two decades apart. Becky lived with her adoption reunion rejection trauma for years until she found the adoptee community, gained clarity on her birth mother's probable trauma, then finally reached out to give the woman a second chance to release the pressure of her secret. Finding her birth father gave Becky a sense of taking her power back as she figured out her conception story, located the man at a live event, and was welcomed into his heart. This is becky's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Elianna who called me from Santa Cruz, California, said growing up her family moved frequently, which taught her it was easy to uproot and restart. When her adopted brother triggered her search with his own desire to find his birth mother, Eliana got very emotional about her inability to locate the woman she wanted to find. Wishing and praying their, connection became reality, but Eliana could not have predicted the eruption of resentment she would feel when she moved in with her birth mother. Eliana was separated from her birth parents, broke ties with her adoptive parents, and reunited with everyone. This is Elianna's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Linda, who called me from St. Petersburg, Florida, said that when her adoptive mother found herself single parenting her two daughters, they moved to the south where her family shunned the children for being adopted. In reunion with her birth mother, Linda found a woman who had a tough story to share about her conception, who was seemingly afraid of the truth coming out to her family, and who went to extreme criminal lengths to try to make Linda lose custody of her own daughter. Through it all Linda stands strong on the firm base her adoptive mother gave her. This is Linda's journey.Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Fred called me from outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin, near lake Michigan. Fred grew up an only child loved and supported by his parents, but sometimes feeling out of place and misdirected by them when he tried to pursue some of his interests. As an adult, a slip of the tongue of one of his relatives revealed something he had never suspected. That he was adopted. In reunion with his birth mother, Fred found a woman so deeply traumatized that she wanted to maintain her secrets after her death. Fred is now on a quest to remove adoption stigma while fighting for open records in adoption. This is Fred's journey.This is Fred's Book: Forbidden RootsWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Kamina called me from Dubai, but she grew up in Texas. Kamina said she was always confused about why she didn't look like her adoptive family and no one would ever admit she was adopted. Turmoil between her adoptive parents led both of them to alcoholism, poor judgment, and an awful love triangle that got Kamina kicked out of her home at a tender age. After years on the street, then time in the military Kamina decided part of ending her years of self-sabotage was to finally face the truth about her adoption she seemed to be running from. This is Kamina's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Trish from Arlington, Texas had open access to her adoption records which provided the information she needed to find her birth mother. But just because she was found didn't mean the woman wanted to talk. When her birth mother's reluctance to meet Trish softened, they formed a relationship that lasted many years until suddenly it was over. Trish has tried to put the adoption reunion rejection behind her. She focuses more on trying to build a relationship with her birth father and hopes to put her training as an adoption competent therapist to use for other adoptees. This is Trisha's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

My guest asked that I maintain her anonymity, so I’ll refer to her as Nina. She shared her story growing up with dedicated parents who embraced her challenges and gave her the foundational support she needed. Her birth father found her through a reunification registry and while he has his own struggles, he’s a very dear friend to Nina. However, her birth mother started down the path of secondary rejection, won’t take responsibility for not getting Nina pre-natal care, and is overzealous with her dedication to her religion, driving a wedge between Nina and the woman. This is Nina’s journey.The post 105 – I Call Her Incubator appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Nina (00:03):You know, my relationship with my birth mother is nonexistent anymore. I kind of hate calling her birth mother. I usually call her incubator because, you know, she did, that's all she did for me. That's all she's ever done for me.Damon (00:22):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:34):This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis. And my guest today asked that I maintain her anonymity. So I'll refer to her as Nina. She shared her story growing up with dedicated parents who embraced her challenges and gave her the foundational support. She needed. Her birth father found her through a reunification registry. And while he has his own struggles, he's a very dear friend to Nina. However, her birth mother started down the path of secondary rejection. Won't take responsibility for not getting Nina prenatal care and is overzealous with her dedication to her religion. All of which has driven a wedge between Nina and the woman. This is Nina's journey life for Nina was idyllic as an adoptee. She was told she was adopted and her adopted parents never kept it. A secret. Nina told me she still has a Sesame street book called Susan and Gordon adopt a baby in which big bird asks the couple questions about adoption and what it means. She likened her life to the book because she would ask questions. They would be answered and life would go on. Everything was just fine until Nina was 12 years old,Nina (01:57):But I know that they did start taking me to the therapist after a bit, because I started to having these nightmares that, um, I was being abducted by my birth parents in, um, in a white van. And, uh, you know, one of those, uh, one of those creepy white vans we all talk about. So, you know, the windowless white van came and took me. So, um, I don't where that trope came into my mind at eight years old, but it did everything. Everything was completely idyllic until my adoptive father died. Um, when I was 12, suddenly from a heart attackDamon (02:38):Quickly, before you get to the, to your father, did the, did the therapy help?Nina (02:45):Um, you know, the therapy was quite interesting because it did help. I still maintain that therapist, even though she's a child therapist, you know, if I'm in, if I'm in town, I will still go and see her. Um, so because there is such a long relationship there that she really does understand me. I think she, she was most fascinated by the fact that, you know, I had forecasted my dad's death when I was like eight. Well, she did those picture things. And she said, you know, tell me, tell me something. And she's drawing pictures that she had little, you know, stuffed animals in there. And I drew a picture apparently of my dad lying on the ground. And she said, what's that? And she's, I said, well, that's dad. And she said, why is he on the ground? And I said, he's had a heart attack and he's dead.Nina (03:38):So, um, I don't know, maybe at that point I became the creepy sixth sense child or something, but, um, anyway, I don't know, um, take it as you like, but I guess they tend to look at it as, um, as, you know, having a closeness to, to him and, you know, being able to see that. But, um, he did, he had a heart attack and he died and then it did make things, it made things so, so very different. I don't want to say hard, but it made things really rather different with my relationship with my mom, because I am disabled primarily because of my birth mother's actions. My adopted mom became that helicopter parent you always hear about, but it was more like, you know, be careful, I don't think you can do this because you know, you've got some disabilities. Whereas my dad was just kind of like, Oh, let her play in the dirt. It's good for her. You know? Um, so he was definitely that type of parent and, um, which, which I thought was good. And I think that's probably the way all parents, because, you know, it's like, well, you know, you have issues that, Hey, um, you know, you're either gonna breathe. They're gonna like, mollycoddle you, or, you know, you're going to get through this, um, and get through this with some life skills. SoDamon (05:04):Nina said she kind of resis

Lori was adopted after her biological mother lived with her adoptive parents, desperately trying to escape the tyranny of her abusive husband. The abuse her birth mother suffered would be a recurring theme in her own life when her mother’s drinking got worse. Lorie tells the story of growing up reminded of the privilege she lived with but wanting only to be herself, not keep up appearances for her mother. When she found her birth mother, she was able to share her own sons with their new grandmother, a woman who missed out Lori’s youth.Read Full TranscriptLori:                            00:00               He had actually moved her from the house and moved her into like an abandoned farm hill and she said there was no electricity, no running water. Um, it was her and my oldest brother, pretty much they had no food. She was severely malnourished when she was pregnant and to the point where he would take car parts out of the car, so she couldn’t go anywhere. She was pretty much abandoned in a foreign house and had nowhere to go. She couldn’t escape for the longest time.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Lori. She called me from Georgia before her move to Washington state. She was adopted after her biological mother lived with her adoptive parents, but that boarding situation was forced because of abuse, which was a recurring theme in Lori’s home, thereafter. She tells the story of growing up reminded of the privilege she lived with, but wanting only to be herself, not keep up appearances for her mother. When she found her birth mother, she was able to share her sons with the woman who had missed out on her youth years ago. This is Lori’s journey.Damon:                       01:31               When I spoke to Lori from Georgia, she was planning to move their young family west to Washington following her husband’s career in the United States army. Lori’s five month old son was in the background so you might hear him from time to time. She told me that she was born and partially raised in central California where her parents and most of their family were from. She didn’t really know too many adopted kids in her area and adoption wasn’t spoken of in her home. She said she was one of four that her parents tried to adopt. Her oldest brother is five years older than herself. Lori was adopted at birth after her parents had fertility issues and even lost a child. Their parents tried to adopt another boy, but the adoption fell through and the boy went back to his biological family. Lori shared that she had good memories of her childhood with a tight knit family and grandparents who were great people. But when she was 10 her parents tried to adopt a brother and sister who would have been two middle children between Lori and her brother. But their adoptions didn’t work out either.Lori:                            02:31               About that time when I was about 10 years old, I don’t know what necessarily happened or anything, but it was just stuff just went down hill. I know my oldest brother was kind of like a trouble maker. He, he did a lot of things kids shouldn’t do and I know he kind of reck havoc on my parents, but I don’t think it was necessarily because he was just like rebellious or anything. I just think that’s the only way he knew how to get attention and I know that took a toll on them, but they, that’s like around the time I remember they started drinking too and it was just, I dunno, it was like a big snowball effect. It just kind of went negative from that point on.Damon:                       03:14&nb

Haley Radke, Host/Producer of the Adoptees On podcast is my special guest for this special 100th episode!Haley shared her story of gaining access to her open adoption record in Canada when she was 18 and quickly connecting with her first mother via email. They met soon after, but that rapid connection at Haley’s young age had its challenges. After secondary rejection, she was much more cautious with her reunion with her birth father. Hard work in therapy saw them through to a good place and inspired her offer therapeutic information for free through her own podcast that I’m sure you know. This is Haley’s journey.The post 100 – Purely Loving Intentions appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Haley (00:03):But you're right in the moment. I mean, I didn't really have another choice but to just show her and go through it with her and I, I mean I was so young who knew that this was like a trauma, you know, and I'm like bringing up horrible memories from the past. Right? It's just never occurred to me.Damon (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:34):Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Haley. She called me via Skype from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Haley shared her story of gaining access to her adoption record in Canada when she was 18 and quickly connecting with her birth mother via email they met soon after. But that rapid connection at Haley's young age had its challenges after secondary rejection. She was much more cautious with her reunion with her birth father, hard work in therapy, solve them through to a good place and inspired her to offer therapeutic information for free through her own podcast. That. I'm sure you know this is Haley's journey. I'm not even going to play that game with you where I interview the person and I later reveal their secret identity. My guest for this very special 100th episode of who am I really is one of my fellow adoption podcasters, Haley Radke, host of Adoptees On and someone we all appreciate for her work to bring adoption stories and her healing series to podcasting. Haley told me she was adopted as an infant into the home of elementary school teachers in a remote Northern Mennonite community called LA Crete.Haley (02:01):Most people spoke low German, which is a dialect very close to German. It's just a little different. So my, my parents were like the "English speaking" people. I'm putting that in quotation marks and everyone else was Mennonite. So already there was a other factor and I only knew one other person growing up that was adopted and in fact, fairly recently I got to have a conversation with her about those experiences growing up, adopted in this very small town. And our stories are so different because I had no idea who my birth parents were and I really wondered mostly about my mother. Um, but she had no idea either, but everyone around her knew. So we had very opposing experiences growing up in La Crete, which looking back on that now is just so interesting to me. How, how challenging it was for both of us in different ways.Damon (03:04):When when you say she, everyone around her knew everybody around her, knew that she was adopted or everyone around her knew whose child she was.Haley (03:15):Everyone around her knew who her mother was except for her.Damon (03:23):Haley's parents waited seven years on a waiting list for the chance to adopt her. So they were 38 and 40 years old. When they became parents, they wanted to adopt another child, but if they had to wait another seven years to be considered again, they felt they would be too old to start over with an infant. So Haley grew up an only child discussing what it was like growing up in her home. She reiterated that her parents were teachers, so they were focused on child development milestones, spent a lot of time with her and read to her a lot.Haley (03:54):I did feel lonely a lot. Um, I remember playing by myself in my room, so very often wanting siblings. Um, my mum worked halftime, she was a kindergarten teacher and so I would often get babysat by family across the road from us and they had six kid I think if I'm remembering correctly and it was so rowdy and loud over there, then I would be thankful. I wasn't only kind of went back and forth.Damon (04:27):I did the same thing. I would go to my friend's houses and I would be like, Oh my God, you've got a brother, you've got a sister. And then I would see them fight over stuff and I was like, Oh man, I'm going home. I've got all my own stuff. I don't have to worry about any of this at home. Thinking back on the one adoptee Haley knew in her community, she said that her community was very homogenous when she was younger. So she doesn't think there were any other adoptees besides themselves today that very religious community has shifted to have more fami

Barry always knew he was adopted, but before he ever launched a search, he was found by his older sister. He tells the story of meeting her, and subsequently meeting his birth mother, both of whom welcomed him into their hearts. Hearing stories about why he was placed for adoption, Barry learned that he may have been lucky to escape his birth parents, but his younger siblings were not. This is Barry’s journey.Read Full TranscriptBarry:                          00:00               I decided at that point, prior to going in to meet her, at some point I will just call her mom. So I said it as I was leaving and I don’t think she caught it. So she, you know, we had to be chat at the front door and blah blah blah. And then I went to give her a hug and I said, I’ll see you later mom. And she looked up at me and she staggered a little bit and she kinda questioned the whole thing by just saying, mum said, well you kind of gave birth to me that kinda qualifies you.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Barry. I spoke with him from just outside of Edinburgh, Scotland via Skype. Barry always knew he was adopted, but just before he ever launched the search he was found by his older sister. He tells the story of meeting her and subsequently meeting his birth mother, both of whom welcomed him into their hearts. Hearing stories about why he was placed for adoption, He learned that he may have been lucky to escape his birth parents, but his younger siblings were not. This is Barry’s journey. Barry told me he had a middle class upbringing with his father who was in construction and his mother who was a semi retired school teacher, he grew up in a peaceful, quiet little village south of Edinburgh. Barry’s mother was unable to bear children, so he and his brother were adopted.Barry:                          01:46               Just the two of us. I mean, we’re, we’re pretty much chalk and cheese completely. Other than the fact we grew up in the same place, um, there’s very little in common.Damon:                       01:56               What did you notice that you didn’t have in common when you were a kid? Maybe.Barry:                          02:00               Uh, I spent, well I was dyslexic growing up. So you kinda, you know, kids being the way kids are. Um, I spent most of my time alone anyway and I was quite happy. Just give me a key, you know, I was always into computers, um, or I played guitar and stuff like that. Um, I, I was quite happy just being by myself, doing my own little thing, my own way. And my brother was always the outgoing guy. He played soccer, uh, badly. Um, oh, he was terrible. He was, he’s quite legendary. So he was always the, he always had friends around and he was always going around to them or they were coming here and I had two or three friends, kinda, growing up. But most of the time I was more than happy just being by myself.Damon:                       02:46               Barry went on to say that he and his brother didn’t look anything alike.Barry:                          02:51               We’re both relatively the same height, but he

Cindy knew she was adopted, but she believed the men in her life where of biological relation – she thought she was adopted within the family. She lived decades with what she calls a lie. DNA testing revealed that her biological father was someone else entirely, and her search for her birthmother hasn’t returned any details about where the woman might be. She has developed two amazing relationships with a sister and cousin, but her 11 half siblings want nothing to do with her.Read Full TranscriptCindy:                          00:02               I think that, even though I, I’m one that needs to know the truth, I can deal with things in time if I know the truth. Lying to me is like the worst thing you can do. So it took me a while to process that I had been lied to my entire life. Um, and that was a big low for me.Voices:                        00:27               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:38               This is, Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and today you’re going to meet Cindy. She called from upstate New York, but she grew up in central New Jersey. Cindy knew she was adopted, but she believed the men in her life were of biological relation. She thought she was adopted within the family. She lived the decades with what she calls a lie. DNA revealed that her biological father was someone else entirely and her search for her birth mother hasn’t returned any details about where the woman might be. She has developed two amazing relationships, but her 10 half siblings want nothing to do with her. This is Cindy’s journey. Cindy was born in West Virginia where she was adopted at the age of three. Her parents were deemed unfit and she was removed from their home for child neglect. Cindy was adopted by her father’s brother.Cindy:                          01:36               All my life I believed I stayed within my birth, at least my birth father’s family. And so I was adopted at three. I was raised in New Jersey and stayed there until I went to college.Damon:                       01:50               Gotcha. So you, you called him Dad. So at three years old, transitioned out of poor care in West Virginia to your quote unquote Father’s care in New Jersey.Cindy:                          02:04               Right. So I was adopted by my aunt and uncle.Damon:                       02:06               Gotcha. But you didn’t know thatCindy:                          02:08               I, well, I did at five. Um, New Jersey laws require that a child be told they’re adopted before they enter kindergarten.Damon:                       02:17               Oh, that’s really interesting. I’ve never heard of a law that requires that knowledge be given to a child before. That’s fascinating. Have you heard of other states say that?Cindy:                          02:26            &

Ashley shares her story growing up in adoption and having a positive outlook on her life because she felt she was placed for a reason, living life according to God’s plan. Ashley had two sisters, one adopted, one genetic to her parents but she bonded most over adoption with her lifelong school friend, also an adoptee. She searched off and on for 19 years with periodic focus, but it was a quick lunch break internet search that changed everything. The name she had for her birth mother was one of many aliases. She learned that her birth mother had been violently taken from their family, and her aunt was looking for her in the aftermath.Read Full TranscriptAshley:                        00:06               It’s a wonderful thing that I’ve met them, but then I will never hear her voice. I will never get to touch her. I never get to see her. I will never get to have that experience and I think that hurt, it hurt from this world, prematurely and You know why? Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to murder her. Like, what was the point?Voices:                        00:34               Who am I? Who am I? Am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I ?Damon:                       00:45               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Ashley. She called me from New Jersey, but she grew up in Portland, Oregon. Ashley shares her story growing up in adoption and having a positive outlook on her life because she felt like she was placed for a reason. She searched off and on for years and with periodic focus, but it was a quick lunch break, Internet search that changed everything. Ashley learned that her birth mother had been violently taken from their family and her aunt was looking for her and the aftermath. This is Ashley’s journey.Damon:                       01:30               Ashley was adopted at the age of two. Her father was a social worker, so he was friends with the social worker on Ashley’s adoption case who told him that there was a cute little girl he might want to adopt. Ashley grew up mostly with her mother because her parents divorced when she was seven years old. She had two sisters, one who was also adopted. The other who was biological to their parents. Ashley found out she was adopted at eight years oldAshley:                        01:57               from what I remember, we were in her room on her bed and she just was like, you’re adopted, and I don’t quite remember My sister’s reaction but mine was like, no, I’m not. I’m your daughter you know there’s no way I could possibly be adopted. I’m your daughter stop playin, cuz you know I thought she was joking. Cuz you know how people do that. Sometimes, you’re adopted. But she was like, no, no. You’re really adopted and I think in my eight year old brain, I couldn’t quite comprehend what that meant. I just knew that I wasn’t my mother’s daughter, but that’s really the level I. I comprehend it.Damon:                       02:33               Wow. So you’re a little eight year old brains like, Nah, this can’t. That’s not right.Ashley:                        02:37               Right. Because I don’t think I was exposed to the word adoption and really understood what it was. Maybe I saw it on tv, but really didn’t understand what that meant.Damon:                       02:46               What did you do? Did

Ann has an array of experiences from being kidnapped briefly from her adopted family to learning she celebrated the wrong birth date for 22 years. She said she was raised not to question God’s plan in relation to her adoption — so she did so quietly. When she met her biological mother things started out well but turned and remain sour. Fortunately, her birth father’s easygoing acceptance was a welcome surprise that could not have come on a more special day for Ann.Read Full TranscriptAnn:                            00:01               I want my Dad on my original birth certificate that myself and others in my shoes should not have to take an act of Congress for my birth certificate to uphold integrity. I should have the same right as anyone else? Adoption certificates should never become birth certificates. Original birth certificates should always maintain and hold the truth.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Ann. She called me from Salem, Oregon Ann has an array of experiences from being kidnapped briefly from her adopted family when she was little, to learning she celebrated the wrong birth date for 22 years. When she met her biological mother, things started out well but turned and remain sour. Fortunately, her birth fathers easygoing acceptance was a welcome surprise that could not have come on a more special day for Ann. This is Ann’s journey.Damon:                       01:32               Ann was born in Portland, Oregon. At her birth, she had low birth weight because she hadn’t had any prenatal care. Babies were not allowed to leave the hospital until they reached a certain goal weight. So Ann stayed in the hospital until she was strong enough to go into foster care. She told me her parents who had already adopted a boy, were intending to adopt another boy when they were offered a chance to host Ann for a weekend, while her foster family got a respite. Apparently, the presence of a little girl pleased her mother so much that her mother fell in love. Ann’s father agreed they could adopt Ann instead of a boy. Ann was raised to be active in her community in Lake Oswego. She was in blue bird and campfire girls and had a pretty good childhood. She has friends from those days that she’s still in touch with today, but she has some dark memories from those times too.Ann:                            02:26               I was kidnapped by a lady and she actually was really nice and I remember her telling me that she wasn’t going to take me home and I told her I had to go home. Um, that, you know, my brothers and my mom was really gonna miss me and I needed to be home before the streetlights got on. And so I finally cried and ate another snack cause she was giving me snacks and having conversations with me. And finally I convinced her to take me home. She did not drop me off at my front door. She dropped me off at the top of the street. I was not supposed to pass the second house at the top of the street, but she dropped me off at the first house at the top of the street. And then I had to run home and told my mom, you know, I was gone, were you looking for me? Kind of a thing. That I had to pass the second house because the Nice Lady had dropped me off at the first house that the top of the street. And so my mother was very upset. We were taught not to talk to strangers, we were taught not to go with strangers. So I did kind of get in trouble for that. But that’s the first time I had heard the word biological. And I had no idea. That’s an awfully big word for a 4 year old and I wasn’t sure what my mom was talking about, some biological mom, because my mom was right with me. So it really didn’t apply to me. You know,

In Kenneth’s family all of siblings were adoptees, each fostered in their parents home before their adoption were made final. That scenario worked out great for Kenneth, but not so much so for his oldest sister who never bonded with their mother. Seeking reunion, Kenneth carefully approached his half-sister and learned the truth about his brith mother’s institutionalization which led to his sister’s adoption, and his own conception.Kenneth was still seeking answers as to his birth father’s identity at the time of our interview… for now at least he knows more about where he came from.Read Full TranscriptKenneth:                     00:00               Yeah. You know, and it’s kind of funny in being the adopee, I think it was a lot tougher on my sister. My sister would visit my mother there and my mother had electroshock therapy and all that kind of stuff and it’s like I didn’t have to experience it myself, but my sister did.Voices:                        00:25               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:36               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Kenneth. He called me from Cole City, Illinois. His family of siblings were all adoptees, each fostered in their parents’ home before their adoptions. That scenario worked out great for Kenneth, but not so much for his oldest sister. Seeking reunion, he bonded with his half sister and learned the truth about his birth mother’s institutionalization, which led to his sister’s adoption and Kenneth’s conception. He’s still seeking answers as to his birth father’s identity, but for now at least he knows more about where he came from. This is Kenneth’s journey. Kenneth was the youngest of four adoptees in the suburbs of Chicago. He had two older sisters and a brother. So I’m sure you can imagine adoption was an integral part of their lives, but that doesn’t mean it was entirely a great thing for all of them. Listen to the stories Kenneth tells about his siblings start in their homeKenneth:                     01:44               and it’s kind of funny now that I look back on it and I hear other people’s adoption stories, I see how unique in one sense my situation was, my parents became foster parents solely for the, um, to be able to adopt and they figured, well if we start out as foster parents then we’ll have the in that would allow us to, um, be given children. And they were, they got four children and I’m not exactly sure that was the best idea for them because what ended up happening is, is my oldest sister was a foster child to start and they got her at 10 months old and she wasn’t adopted until she was like almost four. And at that point you really don’t have any much bonding that my, my mom and my mom especially. I don’t sense she could totally give her heart to my sister because she never knew if she was going to get her or not and so and and my sister would have visitations with her biological family and when she was three there, my sister can vaguely remember the goodbye to her biological family where everybody’s crying while they were going to be giving her up and I don’t think my sister bonded well with my mom because my mom didn’t know whether she was going to have my sister forever or whether she was going to have to give her up.Kenneth:                     03:09               And I think that happened in several, with my oldest sister, definitely my second eldest sister was a foster child until she was eight years old. And that situation was actually opposite. My oldest sister, my second oldest sister, she was used to my mom being her mom, her adoptive mom. But she would visit her biological family and didn’t want to visit. And then they ended up getting into a court fight at the end because the biological family wanted her back at like eight. But they were sensing that they wanted her back so that they could take care of the inva

Recalling her early family life, Ann said she felt like her parents were sucked into feeling like they had to have a family, and while they were focused on creating a better world in their professional lives, that didn’t necessarily translate to their home life. She always had the feeling her parents cared more about appearances than about who their children were in their uniqueness. Ann sought out her birth mother, but found her maternal grandmother instead. The woman’s receptivity to Ann’s return seemed to be a good sign but ended with secondary rejection. There has only been one cousin who has accepted Ann into her life, and that’s because she’s distanced herself from the family too.Read Full TranscriptAnn:                            00:04               If that was her, if that was your upbringing, and then all of a sudden union happens in Georgetown poor thing. she gets shuttled off to a home for unwed mother that I’ve also researched and it just looks almost slave like, so yeah, I have a whole lot more empathy and compassion and I really feel for the fact that she had such a societal burden to bear,Damon:                       00:35               who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I in mind?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on Today’s show is Ann she lives in West Virginia. Recalling her early family life. She said she felt like her parents were sucked into feeling like they had to have a family and while they were focused on creating a better world in their professional lives that didn’t necessarily translate into their home life. Ann sought out her birth mother, but found her maternal grandmother instead. The woman’s receptivity to Ann’s return seem to be a good sign, but ended with secondary rejection. There has only been one cousin who has accepted Ann into her life and that’s because she’s distanced herself from the family too. This is Ann’s journeyDamon:                       01:39               Ann said she learned she was adopted when she was four years old. Her friend Jenny was at her house when Ann’s mother decided to tell her that she was adopted, but Jenny was not. Ann’s mom neglected to clearly explain that Ann was not born from her own womb, so Ann thought that her mother was saying the reverse was true. She thought Jenny was not born from her mother’s womb. Ann and her sister, also an adoptee who is a year and a half younger than herself, discovered what it meant together. Their family moved overseas to Brazil where they got a reality check on the course openness with which people inquired about their adoptions.Ann:                            02:17               The expatriate community was much smaller and sort of more in your face and when we told people we were adopted, it was always met with “who is your real family, who’s your real mother?” And so after a couple of years of dodging that and feeling kind of inferior about our adoption, we made a pact, my sister and I, that we just wouldn’t tell anybody anymore that we were adopted because we didn’t like we didn’t like the questionsDamon:                       02:46               Ann describes her family as socially committed and one that presented great educational experiences and provided for them financially and intellectually in every way, but they could have been better about providing emotional support and said she feels like when she and her sister were adopted in the 1950s, societal norms dictated that a couple should have children and be a family, but she’s not sure they want it to be parents. They were very concerned about making the world a better place through their wo

Alisa describes her life as the child of Latvian refugees who escaped the brutality and destruction of World War II. They raised Alisa in the ways of their heritage and while she identifies with her community and her upbringing, she admits she struggled with being an imposter. In reunion, her birth parents had an odd request for her that I’ve never heard before, and that she wasn’t comfortable fulfilling. Over time she began to feel like a disappointment to them. Thankfully, in the middle of it all, Alisa was able to express her love and gratitude to her adopted father before losing him suddenly.Read Full TranscriptAlisa:                           00:05               I told him before he died and I didn’t know he was gonna die. Said, you are the only dad has ever had. You’re my dad I loved him and I really am glad I said that because he died of a sudden heart attack about a month later. I was really, really fortunate that I was able to say that you did make me rethink, you know, the importance of letting people know how much you care about them. She never know what will be your last chance.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Alisa. She spoke with me from Lincoln, Nebraska. Alisa described her life as the child of refugees from the brutality and destruction of World War II. They raised Alisa in the ways of their heritage and while she identifies with their community and her upbringing, she admits she struggled with being an imposter in reunion her birthparents had an odd request for her that I’ve never heard before and that she wasn’t comfortable fulfilling. Over time, she began to feel like a disappointment to them. Thankfully in the middle of it all, Alisa was able to express her love and gratitude to her adopted father before losing him. Suddenly, this is Alisa’s journey. Alisa was adopted by Latvian parents lot via is a small country on the Baltic Sea, opposite of the famously neutral country of Sweden and west of the notorious Russia in the 1940s Latvia by force under Soviet control and hundreds of thousands of people fled to other countries. Alisa’s parents among them.Alisa:                           02:08               They flooded in different ways. And then she wound up in the camps in Germany, um, shortly after that until it was freed and they came over in 1950 on the other hand, was quite wealthy after he watched his dad’s twin brother get shot down by Russians right in front of him. They buried all their silver, like most Latvians did, hoping that they would turn back some day and ran and they sold watches off to their bodies, did whatever they could work, odd jobs throughout different places in Europe and until they wound up in the camps for the last year before it was freed.Damon:                       02:50               Oh my gosh. What a hard way to start life.Alisa:                           02:54               Yeah, so I don’t fault them for everything they could have done better butDamon:                       03:00               yeah, yeah.Alisa:                           03:01              &n

Every day Leslie’s birth mother called the orphanage where she was left for adoption. So when Leslie located her birth mother 30 years ago, then tried again to connect with her six years ago, it was shocking that the woman wanted no contact with her. Leslie’s birth mother left her with no clues about her birth father’s identity, but DNA helped her settle the mystery. It turned out that the closure Leslie need came from meeting her birth father, whom she simply calls Dad.Read Full TranscriptLeslie:                          00:03               She’s had a lot of time to make all the choices and I’m now in control and so I will be calling my siblings unless she would like to do that and I think it would be better coming from her, so I’m giving her one week and then I’m calling them.Voices:                        00:23               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:34               This is who am I really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Leslie. I spoke with her from her home in Spokane, Washington. Leslie tells the story of locating her birth mother nearly 30 years ago. Then trying to connect with her again more recently it was baffling to everyone involved why the woman was so distant, especially given that Leslie knew about how thoughtful the woman had been when she was born. Unfortunately, their reunion left, Leslie feeling empty, especially because she walked away with no clues as to her birth father’s identity. Luckily DNA testing opened new doors to discovering her paternal connections, allowing her to finally feel the wholeness she sought in reunion. This is Leslie’s journey. Leslie spent seven months in an orphanage in spokane after her birth. Listen to the story her adopted mother tells about her early life.Leslie:                          01:39               I was born in Spokane, Washington. My birth mother was from Montana and she was an unwed mother and she had me and then I was put into basically, which at the time in ’69, it was like an orphanage and I was in there for seven months prior to my adoption and so my birth mother used to call every single day to see if I had been adopted. So when my parents adopted me, my mom told me that she felt very sorry for me because they were really understaffed so they didn’t hold, you know, all the babies and so when they would feed me they would just prop the bottle with a pillow. And so she said, you were kind of a little nervous purvis when we first got you. Um like, you would make my hands bleed, holding your bottle because it was like your only security and you, um, have, you weren’t doing things at seven months old that normal babies were like holding up their head and that kind of thing.Leslie:                          02:40               So she said I just loved the up and down and you just kinda started blossoming right in front of our eyes. So she gets me and I have two other siblings that were naturally born to my parents. And so then we adopted my brother who’s younger than me. And then my mom had one more child by natural born. So two of us of the five are adopted and my mom always made it seem like, you know, I was super lucky because they got to pick me and they got stuck with their other, she would say cute little things like that that would, you know, try to make me feel better about being adopted.Damon:                       03:16               Leslie had adoption in common with a few of her peers growing up. But it was the non-adoptees, who found out she was adopted, that made things really weird.Leslie:                &n

Jennifer had a very happy childhood and always felt special because she was an adoptee; she knew her parents really wanted her. Their family was heavily involved with the Children’s Home Society in Los Angeles where her mother did fund-raising work. Jennifer so appreciated her loving parents for their lifetime of love and support, but as she got older, she had a feeling that she would be close to her birth mother and that she was likely more like her than her adopted mother. After her own son had a positive reunion experience with a daughter he fathered years ago, Jennifer decided she would make an an attempt at reunion herself. On pure luck she was given year’s worth of microfiche data that had her family tree’s information. Jennifer’s mother had always hoped for their reunion, and even welcomed Jennifer’s adopted brother into their family too.The post 016 – Shall we Cry? No, Let’s Just Laugh! appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jennifer (00:03):I personally feel like my contract with her as a soul was to get her out of that situation and her to give me a healthy body, which she has done.Voices (00:18):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:30):This is, Who Am I, Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, I'm Damon Davis and on the show today is Jennifer. She says she grew up perfectly happy as an adoptee and never really had a desire to search for her biological family. Jennifer says that her own children kind of pushed her to search because they were interested in their own biological heritage, but it wasn't quite enough to propel her forward. Then their family experienced the separate reunification that had been such a positive experience. Jennifer began to think perhaps she should seek out her own biological family too. She didn't think she'd have much success in her search because she had a closed adoption in California, but going online proved to be a highly efficient way to find way more than she bargained for. And very quickly too. Jennifer starts us off in the beginning of her journey. She always knew she was adopted and her family was heavily involved with the children's home society. So adoption was a comfortable topic in their home.Jennifer (01:38):I always felt like, Oh, I'm adopted, I'm special. I felt very positive about it, you know, I know a lot of people don't, my brother didn't feel that way, but for me I was always, always fine with it.Damon (01:51):So what happened for you that made you decide to search. I mean you sound like you had a great upbringing. You are perfectly comfortable in adoption. So it wasn't as though there were some ringing alarms that were saying, Hey, you need to go look for somebody. What, what changed your mind or, or how did your mind develop into wanting to search?Jennifer (02:11):Well, initially, um, my kids wanted to know their biological background and any medical things that, that, that might go on that they just didn't know about. And I said, Oh, well, all right, I guess I'll kind of make an effort. So I wrote a letter to the children's home society and said, if my mother ever wants to get in touch with me, please put her in touch with me. And of course, come to find out much later, my mother had written a similar letter, but they never put us in touch with each other.Damon (02:40):Oh no.Jennifer (02:41):That was before the time of internet. So you know, time went by. That was in my thirties, late twenties, early thirties, that I did that. But really I didn't have a big inclination to do that. But for some reason I had to call LA County records or something. And I called and this woman says, you have a sister that's looking for you. And I said, what? I just didn't really believe her because they can't tell you that stuff. So, um, I wrote down her name on a little scrap of paper and lost it. So I didn't, it just wasn't the right time in my life. I didn't really want to have to deal with all that, but it actually was my sister that did try to get in touch with me and she died before I met her. So it was unfortunate. But she was the next youngest sister and she did think she saw me once in San Diego cause she, I guess cause I look like the family.Damon (03:43):Is that right?Jennifer (03:43):Its entirely possible cause that's where I lived and she lived at that same time. Anyway. Yeah. That's interesting. That's an aside story.Damon (03:51):The next time Jennifer really thought about reunion involved her son and his own reunion. He had fathered a child when he was a teenager and now the idea that a reunion could be a positive experience had motivated her a little more.Jennifer (04:04):I wasn't told for two years. And after that happens and um, you know, we all wrote letters to this child, this girl child, and put them in her attorney's office in case she ever wanted to find out more about our family. Well, the attorney'

Today we're going back to Lisa's journey from episode 197 that started this season. When I spoke with her last, she was filled with anxious anticipation for meetings with a paternal cousin, who was also adopted, and then her birth father. In reunion. Lisa got some answers she had been looking for, but those answers just led to more questions. Thankfully, Lisa has found a diamond in the rough of it all who has been key to completing some of her origin stories, narrative. This is the rest of Lisa's journey... so far.Ep 197 - Lisa, Why Such A Secret?Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Dr. Ryan Hanlon, Pres. & CEO of the National Council For Adoption shares a special update about the adult adoptee survey. This is the third in a three part series, Profiles In Adoption. If you're an adult adoptee in the U.S. please make time to share your adoption experience on the survey. You can find the survey on the NCFA website.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

You're about to meet Louise, from central California. Louise was loved by her adoptive family and while she thought about searching for her birth family, she was never brave enough or in the right place in her life to execute a search. After having her son, reunion found Louise. But the timing wasn't right for her to dive in, even though time was of the essence to meet someone very special in her maternal family. Louise continues to wait for her birth father to open the door for her to meet him. As she waits Louise podcasts about adoption With her best friend, Sarah. This is Louise's journey. Podcast - Adoption: The Making Of MeWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Shelby, who lives near Seattle, Washington, grew up loved in adoption, but also in a home broken apart By domestic abuse. When the existence of her sisters was revealed, Shelby felt an urge to find her birth family, but she pushed it way down for many years. In reunion, Shelby found her nuclear family still together. She's had to overcome the sorrows of lost time as she and both of her families push forward with love, making the most of the moments they have ahead together. This is Shelby's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Rachael, who lives in Dover, Delaware, is a transracial adoptee who endured favoritism toward her brother, microaggressions from her adoptive mother, sexual assault and a physical attack. Rachael went behind her parents' back to find her birth mother only to have the relationship cut short. Later, Rachel found her birth father behind bars, but so glad to finally see his little girl again. Rachel calls herself a "Phoenix" for all that she's endured and the strength she brings to the life she lives today. This is Rachel's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Annie, from Auckland, New Zealand is a late discovery adoptee. When she learned that she was adopted the news made her blood run cold. She said her life split into two people: the people pleasing adoptee who wanted to remain in her family and be accepted and the rebellious adoptee who refused to be what others expected.In reunion, Annie found her birth mother had been waiting years for her to return and a birth father she unexpectedly learned to appreciate, especially juxtaposed against the adoptive father she grew up with. Annie is an adamant unwavering advocate for adoptee rights. This is Annie's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Today you're going to meet Joe, from New Jersey. Joe is a pseudonym for the true identity of my guest who wanted to remain anonymous. Joe didn't want for anything in adoption, but he's never been very open speaking about his adoptee status either. He said his reunions are complex because his paternal side has embraced him connecting with them. But his maternal side has placed roadblocks In front of Joe's progress to try to meet his birth mother. Joe told me he just wants to thank her for the life she gave him. This is Joe's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Jillian, from New Jersey, found out she was adopted in her early teen years when she asked a question that lots of kids asked their parents about the time when they were born. What she learned was shocking, but Jillian didn't address her adoption for years until she was over her grief and passed her guilt for wanting to search.Jillian admits that in her adoption reunion she and her birth mother had a communications breakdown that may have ended their relationship prematurely. However, Jillian wonders if her mother has told her the truth about who her birth father could be because she and her search Angel can't find him. This is Jillian's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Danielle, from Kirkland, Washington, has always felt love and loyalty to her adoptive family. So when the doors of reunion were thrown open and information started flying at her, she fell flat on her face. Danielle lived a reunion experience so many adoptive people have imagined -- her birth mother IS a celebrity. While that sounds exciting, the speed of their reunion left no space for Danielle to process what was happening. Fortunately her paternal reunion was more easygoing and with some work, Danielle has grounded herself in who she is in both relationships.This is Danielle's journey.Danielle's Memoir - Healing TreeKate's Memoir - Born With TeethWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Amy, from outside of Chicago, grew up looking visibly different than her family in a way that didn't meet societal stereotypes for her family's beliefs causing her to have to explain her adoption more than she might've liked. Curious about her ethnicity and background Amy found links to her birth family through DNA. In her maternal reunion, Amy found her birth mother's family shares many of her creative traits and they have welcomed her as their daughter and sister. But her paternal connections only happened once and seems to be blocked by her birth father's spouse, even though the man should be able to empathize with Amy for himself. This is amy's journeyWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Laurie, from Washington state, grew up as an emotional child crying frequently, but no one ever asked what was wrong? They simply wrote her off as being sensitive. When Laurie's adoptive sister was found by her birth mother, Laurie was shocked at how much they looked alike and it ignited her desire to search. In reunion, Laurie's birth mother was very open with every question Laurie asked, but she retained a big secret to the one question Laurie never asked. In her paternal reunion, Laurie encountered mistaken identity, the glow of a honeymoon period and the emotional downturn of the discovery of her birth father's character. This is Laurie's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Pippa, from California, Pippa grew up in a wonderful Irish family where she and her brother were supported and loved. When her brother's birth mother found him, it catalyzed Pippa's desire to return to Ireland to find her birth family. In reunion Pippa found a birth mother who had suffered a lot of loss in her young life, a birth father whose alcohol consumption made her uncomfortable, and, when it seemed like her journey was over, a huge secret was revealed out of nowhere. This is Pippa's journey. Pippa's Memoir: IntertwinedWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Growing up in Leah’s home everyone was comfortable with adoption. Her adopted mom is an adoptee, and her two siblings are adoptees, though they are biologically related to one another. The kids were made to feel special because her parents chose them. But no matter how much love an adoptee receives, sometimes knowing that their origins are with another set of parents can fuel undeniable desires to try to learn more about themself. In Leah’s story, she was at a moment in her life when she wasn’t actively searching when her c0-worker’s luck online changed everything in an instant. The post 004 – Lucky Online, Connecting When You’re Not Even Looking appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Leah:                           00:01               So my search kind of stopped there for some time. It really stopped for probably 10 years or so before I was even really looking again, I kind of decided at that point, look what I have in my fantasy is all I need. I don't necessarily want the truth. That truth may not be what I want to hear.Voices:                        00:24               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:35               This is "Who Am I Really" a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and on today's show I'm joined by Leah. Now we've all been online and found ourselves going down what seems like a rabbit hole content that's automatically fed to us. But what if that rabbit hole led you straight to your family of origin? In Leah's case, after years of searching on and off for her relatives, it turned out that she just needed a little bit of luck online. I'm so glad that Andrea was able to connect us.Damon:                       01:19               So tell me a little bit about your family growing up, your family structure and you know, as an adoptee where you fell in your family and how it was in your community.Leah:                           01:31               Yeah. Well I was adopted at six months of age. I was the first child they adopted, so I was the oldest. Let's see, they adopted me in October of 1974, didn't know much information about any of the birth details or birth family, but they adopted me then. And then eventually I think I was about five, my brother and my sister who were natural siblings. So I was the oldest of three of us.Damon:                       01:57               So you're the oldest of three total adoptees, but the other two are biological siblings to each other?Leah:                           02:03               That is correct. Yup.Damon:                       02:04               Gotcha. And how did everybody get along? How was adoption perceived or talked about in your family? How did they make you feel comfortable with it?Leah:                           02:12               Yeah, it was actually always, I mean, I don't remember a time not knowing I was adopted. My adopted mother was also adopted as a baby and so she was really open about it. She always had told us from day one, but she made it like a really special thing. Like it was a special gift to be an adopted kid

I think of Pam, from outside of Richmond, Virginia, as a late discovery adoptee who learned she was adopted when another child spilled the tea. Speaking with her adoptive mother about the news she was adopted, Pam learned that she was supposed to be placed temporarily, not adopted into another family. Pam's reunion journey has multiple twists and turns as she grew up in the town where she was born and her birth family lived. She had awkward reunions in inappropriate places and sibling relationships that started out as one thing, but ending up being something completely different. Finally Pam found her birth father and a man who calculated that he wasn't the guy but DNA testing revealed the real story. This is Pam's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Lisa and I connected right before she was going to meet her biological father for the first time and a cousin she's completely enamored with. Lisa shared that she was adopted as an infant into a failing marriage where divorce soon followed. While other people outwardly noticed how different she looked from her brother, she considered him, her brother, no matter what, despite her status as an adoptee. But after everyone passed away, Lisa felt like she was finally free to pursue connections to her birth family. I would normally share a bit about her reunion here, but we don't know anything yet. So I'll simply say this is Lisa's journey so far...Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Rob called me from right here in Maryland. Trigger warning. Rob shares his harrowing story of his childhood surviving, mental and sexual abuse under the guardianship of his parents. After their deaths Rob went into foster care and became homeless, navigating life with his belongings shuttled from place to place in trash bags. Rob fought hard but struggled to overcome the trauma of his life until he finally visited his mother so he could set himself free. Rob found love with his husband, Reese, and they've created a family. He is the founder of Comfort Cases (www.ComfortCases.org) a charity that helps foster children to navigate foster care with dignity. Rob's Book: A Forever Family: Fostering Change One Family At A TimeThis is Rob's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Ashley had one of those moments where talking to her biological sister felt so familiar it was like texting and and responding to herself.  But her birth mother’s pain and uneasiness over Ashley’s desire to learn anything about her birth father was too much for the woman, and their relationship suffered. When she found her birth father Ashley, predictably, learned that he didn’t know she existed. But incredibly he learned that his wife, who was not Ashley’s birth mother, already knew her husband had a child out there, even though he didn’t. Read Full TranscriptAshley:                        00:00:02          I was worried about her because she just is so constantly, basically, it seemed like she was depressed about the situation. I just wanted to make it go away. I just wanted her to know I had a good life. I was happy. I’m still happy. You’re in my life now. Let’s just go with it because, and I remember I said to her, not many people get this chance. Not many people get a chance to meet their biological family and get to know them and I said like, like let’s take advantage of this.Voices:                        00:00:35          Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:00:47          This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Ashley. She lives up in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Ashley had one of those moments where talking to her biological sister felt so familiar. It was like texting and responding to herself, but her birth mother’s pain and uneasiness over Ashley’s desire to learn anything about her birth father was too much for the woman and their relationship suffered. When she found her birth father, Ashley predictably learned that he didn’t know she existed, but incredibly he learned that his wife, who was not Ashley’s birth mother already knew her husband, had a child out there even though he didn’t. This is Ashley’s journey.Damon:                       00:01:37          Ashley was adopted as an infant because her adoptive parents weren’t able to conceive. She described her life as comfortable and she got a lot of love from her parents. They held her and rocked her every day. In school, he was given the infamous family heritage assignment, so she assumed the identity of her adoptive parents. She was paternally, Scottish and maternally German in adoption. In grade six, she started to question things more. Her adoption was closed, so there wasn’t much information available to her parents, butAshley:                        00:02:08          they did know that, you know, I had a couple brothers and a sister, which is cool for me cause I, well growing up I was an only child. So to hear that I had siblings out there was a pretty cool thought. They also told me how I was an auntie before I was born, which again, very cool. You know, don’t have siblings never would be an Auntie. So that thought was pretty cool.Damon:                       00:02:28          How did, how did you know that you were an auntie already?Ashley:                        00:02:31          My Mom and dad, I don’t know if they got told when they adopted me, but my biological parents were older when they had me, like my parents were in their forties when they had me. Like I was, you know, kind of a way later. Like, I mean now, you know, it’s, I look back and it’s like, yeah, you know, I’m 12 years old and I’m an Auntie. I guess that’s pretty cool. Once I, uh, Kinda asked mom and dad questions, I said, you know, like you, you know, you’re an auntie, you have siblings but we don’t much to tell you. And they said when we do find out stuff and when we do tell you, you know, maybe anything else that

In her adopted family Tameko’s parents just assumed that as an adoptee, she was misbehaving, but when her older adopted brother showed up he actually started framing her for terrible things, trying force her out. Even worse, he abused her. On her search, she read a description of her birthmother that humanized her, but the first pictures Tameko saw online documented the hardening of a once beautiful woman.Read Full TranscriptTameko:                      00:05               this is turning her into a real person and I’m like, I’ve never, I’ve never looked at my mom like that. It’s always somebody was always trying to make her seem like a bad person, so it seemed like my adoption was like this a great thing, which it was, but it’s like don’t make her look like a monster.Damon:                       00:41               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who amq I? This is Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on., today’s show is Tameko. She called me from Seattle, Washington in her adopted family Tameko. Parents just assumed that as an adoptee she was misbehaving. But when her older adopted brother showed up, he actually started framing her for terrible things, trying to force her out even worse. He abused her. On her search. She read a description of her birth mother that humanized her, but the first pictures Tameko saw documented the hardening of a once beautiful woman. This is Tameko journey. Tamika was in foster care until she was adopted at about three years old.Tameko:                      01:36               One day in the foster home I was in. I was like three , they were like oh, someone’s gonna come and take a look at you and I’m fine. they might want to adopt you and I was like, all right, cool, So they were like go take a nap. And I was like, wow. Now I’m excited. I went up to my room in my room and I, you know, and I’m kind of peeking around the corner and you know, finally, uh, someone knocks on the door and this, and they opened the door and this woman, this black woman, and I’m like, mom, because I’m, well, I’m black, but I’m that. I knew of at the time. So I was like, oh. And I was living in a foster home that a lot of white people, and it was Mormon.Damon:                       02:26               You said you were living in a foster home that was predominantly white and it was Mormon, is that what you said?Tameko:                      02:31               No, it was Mormon. Yes. So this was in uh a Utah Salt Lake City. I left that detail out. Gotcha. So, yeah, so me not seeing people of color day to day was kind of like, okay. And like the only person here. So when this woman comes to the door, who’s black? I’m like, “mom,” I’m thinking in my head, that’s the first thing that came to head. I had was this is my mother like, and I think that’s why it’s like embedded in my mind. I was like, oh my God, this woman, are you coming to get me? Like I’ve always, you know, dreamt, you were going to come, you know? And I thought that this woman was my mother. So of course my mother now is like, yeah, I couldn’t deny you at that point I have to take you home.Damon:                       03:16               Tameko remembers the day they left the foster home in Salt Lake City to drive to Seattle in the car where her younger brother Kevin, who was about a year old and her older sister, Kendra, who was about nine years old, they’re biological children to to goes mother, who decided to adopt because she wanted another child. And she knew that not many black children were being adopted in those days, especially in that part of the country. After two years in foster homes. I asked what she felt like going to this new home.Tameko:            &