Who Am I Really?

Pam, from Emeryville, CA, told me her desire to search started when she was a kid, but it was Oregon’s laws that changed everything for her search. When she met her birthmother she encountered a woman who couldn’t relay the details of her past, leaving Pam with only her paternal side of the story. He says that what is alleged against him is not true, but Pam is having a hard time forgiving the man. This is Pam’s journey.Pam (00:04):So I thought that from the time I was 19, until I started meeting people in my mid thirties, that was part of my trying to identify what it meant to be alive. Even it's like, Oh, and then I thought, gosh, my mom might not want me to come find her because maybe I'm a traumatic thing. She wants to forget.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Pamela. She called me from Emeryville, California. Pam told me her desire to search started when she was a kid, but it was Oregon's laws that changed everything for her. When she met her birth mother, she encountered a woman who couldn't relay the details of her past leaving Pam with only her paternal side of the story. He says that what was alleged against him is not true, but Pam is having a hard time forgiving the man. This is Pam's journey. Pam grew up in a suburb of Portland, Oregon called Milwaukee and in Redmond, Washington and Pamela's family. They didn't ask about adoption when she was four or five. Her parents took time to convey that she was loved, chosen and special in her experience. She had everything a child could want and everything that came with what she called a privileged white, upper middle class upbringing and upbringing, devoid of emotion. I asked Pam what she meant by that.Pam (02:06):I was discouraged from being an expressive child. They were very sort of stoic people. And so if I were to express some bright emotion, it would be tamped down somehow I would be told I was being hysterical or you know, these kinds of things. So it was just, I think we were really mismatched with each other. I'm a very warm emotive person and they were very cool unemotive. People.Damon (02:37):It sounded like her passion and fervor for life were not at all meant by her parents' personalities. She said, she always felt very odd and out of place. Pamela has one older brother non-biological to herself and her parents conceived one biological son as well. She's sandwiched between her brothers and they're all only about 16 months apart in age, she said in her toddler pictures, when you look at her adoptive mom, you can see she's expecting their younger brother. I was curious about how the siblings got along, especially since she and her older brother share an adoption kinship. I wondered if it drew them closer.Pam (03:15):Actually, not really. No. My brothers are very close with each other and I'm kind of the, the black sheep person in the family. My oldest brother was adopted at birth and I was adopted later. Um, I was five months old and kind of came to my parents as a, uh, a special case. This child has been hard to place. Can you please take her kind of a thing? And so they did, and I didn't get returned, but I think as a traumatized infant, I think my mom just didn't really know how to address my emotional needs. There was no training for parents about how traumatic it is to be separated from your, your birth mother in this sort of thing. I mean, I just know it just didn't get discussed. And that the paradigm at that time was that, Oh, these children are a blank slate and they will never know any different.Damon (04:18):Pam said she was a very rebellious teenager. She ran away from home. She even stole the family car and drove to Canada with her friends.Pam (04:27):I was pretty awful to them. I think that, uh, I had issues that I didn't have words for. So I acted out and it was hard for them or they just, they didn't know how to address my needs.Damon (04:43):I asked Pam what the catalyst was for her search. She said her parents sparked the flame that would burn within her when she was about eight years old.Pam (04:52):When my parents explained to me about adoption and that I was adopted, they told me that I had parents who couldn't take care of me because they already had five children. So I thought, what, there's five siblings out there somewhere. And I thought, gosh, maybe, maybe some of those are sisters. Cause I had brothers didn't have a sister. So that was super compelling for me as a child that I had sisters out there or maybe had sisters out there. So that was always super compelling for me. And I knew the minute I could find anything and I could look, I was going to do it.Damon (05:35):She remembers being inquisitive about her adoption, but she sensed her mother's unwillingness to discuss the topic further. So

After the adoptive father she loved so much died, Alison learned her birth father, Tim, was looking for her and she took it as a good sign of things to come. Sadly she found herself disappointed in him, and later in her birth mother, Jean, whom he contacted without telling her. Alison had no idea her birthmother struggled with mental illness, so their contentious relationship was inexplicably challenging. After Alison took legal action to gain access to her adoption records from the agency that refused to turn over her information, she finally laid eyes on the detailed context of her past that meant so much to her, and only her.Read Full TranscriptAlison:                         00:00:01          I am the one that had no choice in this. Right? You know, like when you realize like, you know, my, my adopted parents had a choice. They choose, they chose to adopt. My birth mother had a choice, even though in some sense she didn’t, but there was still choices made, right? That weren’t my choices. I mean, I’m the only one that, that completely had no choice. So I realized that like, and this in reunion. I can choose who I have relationships with and who I don’t, you know, I, I, you know, so I realized it’s okay. Like I don’t need to make this work with my birth mother.Voices:                        00:00:35          Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:00:47          This is, Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Alison. She called me from Massachusetts. After the adoptive father that she loved so much died, Alison learned her birth father was looking for her and she took it as a sign of good things to come. Sadly, she found herself disappointed in him and later in her birth mother whom he had contacted without telling her. However, after Alison took legal action to gain access to her adoption records from the agency who refused to turn over her information, she finally laid eyes on the detailed context of her past that means so much to her and only her. This is Alison’s journey. This is Alison.Alison:                         00:01:40          I just want to tell you, but I, you know, found your podcast not that long ago.Damon:                       00:01:45          I always like to hear how the show is impactful for people.Alison:                         00:01:49          And um, I, I shot you an email after the first one I listened to, you interviewed your friend,Damon:                       00:01:54          she’s talking about one of my lifelong buddies, Andre, whom I featured way back in my very first episode.Alison:                         00:02:01          And he, he actually used this person named Sheila Frankl in his search and at some point in my journey she helped me in actually getting my unredacted adoption record.Damon:                       00:02:13          Are you serious?Alison:                         00:02:15          No. Small world thing. I was like, oh my gosh. Like his story was so much like mine and then I listen.Damon:                  &n

Andrew lives in Murphy, Oregon, near Grant’s Pass but his is an east coast story. Andrew grew up kinda feeling like an odd man out in his family, not fitting his parents ideas of who he would be. In an amazing coincidence, his pen pal relationship with an elementary school class was key to unlocking his adoption reunion search. The open road took him to meet his birth father who introduced him to his maternal grandmother.She welcomed Andrew at first, but ultimately she was unable to separate him from the memories of what his birthfather did to her daughter years before. This is Andrew’s journey.  

Jessica is a rare native, born and raised, in Las Vegas, Nevada. She shares how she found her biological relatives through DNA testing despite her best attempts to get information from the Mormon church, an entity focused on global genealogy. Jessica discovered she looks like her birth families and has similar traits to them. But Jessica also learned that for all she has in common with her birth mother, and how much she wants to meet the woman, they are barred from seeing one another. This is Jessica’s journey.

Laura called me via Skype, would you believe, from Falkirk Scotland. Laura told the story of her childhood knowledge that she might have siblings out in the world, and her quest to meet them. When she met her biological mother things started slowly as Laura tested the woman to make sure she wasn’t going to leave again — and she didn’t — then she did. Laura’s developed a great connection with her paternal sister, even though Laura never got to meet her biological father. This is Laura’s journey.The post 095 – I Tested Her To See If She’d Give Up appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Laura (00:03):Yeah,Laura (00:03):That would see her call and she would text me and I just, I couldn't, I didn't feel able to respond. I was too frightened to answer and to go into, I don't know why I was maybe texting her, maybe just to see if she would give up on me, but she doesn't.intro (00:24):Who am I? Who am I? Whointro (00:27):am I? Who am I?Damon (00:31):Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Laura. She called me via Skype. Would you believe from fallkirk, Scotland. Laura told me the story of her childhood knowledge that she might have siblings out in the world and her quest to meet them when she met her biological mother. Things started out slowly as Laura tested the woman to make sure she wasn't going to leave again and she didn't. Then she did. Laura developed a great connection with her paternal sister even though Laura never got to meet her biological father. This is Laura's journey. If you heard last week show with Barry, you're probably wondering what's up with all of these guests from Scotland all of a sudden, I promise you it was purely coincidence that Laura's story followed his. Laura made time to speak with me after running two races that morning, uh, 5k and a 10K. so as we settled into her recovery time, I asked Laura to take me back to the beginning of her journey, which started in Alloa Clackmannanshire. And yes, I really wanted to say Clapman Shire.Laura (01:48):Well, I feel like I approach my own story with caution because so much of it is only known from the social work records that I have and from the stories that my adoptive parents told me. Um, from what I know, my parents, who I was born to, were and our relationship for our own nine months. And that came to an abrupt end upon the discovery of my mom being pregnant with me. And I think she only discovered that pregnancy at around five months. Then so quietly, wow. My parents worked in the hotel trade. My mum was a training trainee chef and my dad was a waiter and when I was born, my mother was aged 20 and my dad was 33 so she was quite young. And my dad, my dad was fairly young, but he was in the middle of a, a second divorce. Um, so I think maybe my mom had been an affair or maybe I rebound following the breakdown of his marriage. Um, so I often wonder if when I was conceived and by what, by what accident of failed contraception or drunk and forgetfulness, I came to be, eh, but the, the decision to have me placed and to care seemed to send around, eh, the lack of support that my mom had from my father and from our family. And maybe I'll lack of confidence on her part and perhaps a lack of money because where she was working, she, you still have end the hotels. And when I was born she was living in homeless accommodation.Damon (03:25):So Laura's birth mother was living in a homeless shelter that September while she was in the hospital for eight days before moving to foster care. She stayed there for three months until she met her adoptive parents who took her home in December of that year. Laura was rattling off the facts of her chapter one backstory when she said this,Laura (03:45):If it feels so unpassionate, they talk to them about the story because it doesn't feel like it's about me. The fact I was born with a different name. It makes it feel like that baby is someone else.Damon (03:54):I know.Laura (03:56):it feels like recounting the story of a stranger, but for as long as I can remember, I knew that I was adopted and it felt like my family accessed it as ghosts walking around. In my mind. They weren't physically there, but it felt like they would ever present.Damon (04:14):Are you referring to your birth family?Laura (04:16):Yeah. Yeah. it felt like. it felt like my birth family, I knew, I knew that they were there, but for whatever reason I wasn't sure why I didn't ask bucket and half of them. Um, so it was a bit strange.Damon (04:29):Laura's adoptive parents mentioned to her one day that there was a possibility that she had biological siblings. The announcement made her really curious about what parts of herself were out there. I asked Laura about when she remembered having that ghostly feeling.Laura (04:44):I think one day my adoptive mom and I were having an arg

Dan has barely told anyone the his whole story until this episode. He shared that he was in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) as an infant. Then his son's rare medical condition and his wife’s ability to share her heredity while he could not was a catalyst for his search. Dan is thankful for the warm welcome he’s received in his paternal family, and is still hoping that his birthmother will come around to wanting to know him. This is Dan's Journey.Dan (00:04):I kind of find it ironic that now that I found my birth father, that my birth parents had passed away. So it's like, I hear a lot of people when you try to read to your birth parents, it's like your chapter one in the beginning. You don't know that. But now that I met them, I'm getting more about my beginning, but I don't have my parents to give me chapters one and two, you know, when you're real young and you don't remember everything,Damon (00:30):Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:35):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Daniel. He called me from Nicholasville, Kentucky. Dan has barely told anyone his whole story until this episode, he shared that his son's rare medical condition and his wife's ability to share her heredity while he could not was a catalyst for his search. Dan is thankful for the warm welcome he's received in his paternal family and is still hoping that his birth mother will come around to wanting to know him. This is Dan's journey. Daniel was born in January of 1980, adopted four months later after he spent that period of time in the neonatal intensive care unit, the NICU.Dan (01:34):So I was born six weeks premature, and I had some brain and lung issues. So I was in the NICU for the first four months of life. The doctor didn't think I would live to two may never walk and could be blind.Damon (01:48):Dan's adoptive parents had a variety of personal setbacks that prevented them from getting pregnant. But four years after Dan was born, his little brother who is biological to their parents was conceived. They grew up out in the country, outside of Morgantown, West Virginia, and the brothers got along just fine. Their father's side of the family lived nearby. So all of the kids just ran up and down from house to house, taking advantage of being outdoors.Dan (02:15):Two of my uncles live within a mile of me, so we could walk. I could walk house to house and run around and displaying the neighborhood.Damon (02:22):That's incredible. That's some of the best growing up, man, when you can just go between house to house, safe and sound. No worries.Dan (02:31):Go run around to the woods in the neighborhood and play, stick guns and just run around. And so, yeah,Damon (02:37):I love that. That's really amazing. Yeah. Dan said he never felt out of place in his family. He said he always knew he was adopted. And his adopted mother used to talk about his birth mother calling her by name. Dan said, he'd share more about that later. In his fourth grade health class, Dan learned what adoption truly meant. I asked him how felt when he learned the meaning of adoption at that age,Dan (03:03):I kind of cut kind of quiet about it. And what was interesting in my house, my mother was adopted around the age of eight. She was adopted, but learning later on when I became in my twenties and thirties, learning about her adoption, it's much different and darker in contrast to my own story. So I never really talked to her about it at all. Despite the commonality that we have. So, um, once I found out, I remember feeling kind of confused about why I was adopted and even though you're adopted and my family was great. It's still kind of like you fit in. You know, even though you fit in with your family, you still know there's something else. It's kind of different. If that makes sense.Damon (03:41):Dan kept quiet about adoption growing up, going on to graduate high school, attend the university of Kentucky for college, then earned his PhD in biomedical engineering. It was in grad school where he met his wife and they eventually had a son together the whole time Dan's own adoption. Never really came up as a topic of discussion.Dan (04:02):All honesty. No, I kept it to myself. I think I told my wife while we were dating. And then I really didn't bring it up hardly at all with anybody, I guess I didn't know how to talk about, so I wasn't sure how to process it. So I just never talked about it. So for me to come on this podcast to talk to you is kind of a big step.Damon (04:22):Wow. Well, thanks for doing it, man. You're going to, yeah, it's going to be interesting to see how you feel at the other end, after having delved into everything. And then I'm sure you're going to help somebody else by sharing your own story too.Dan (04:34):That's a part of the reason I agreed to do it. Cause I contact you and I'll talk ab

Before becoming an adoptee advocate Rich was searching for his own identity. As a child, his older adopted sister vengefully told him their mom wasn’t his real mother. It made him wonder who the other woman could be. When he was in college, his adoptive parents gave him an envelope of non-identifying information. Many years later they handed him another document that revealed his birth name. Rich found himself resenting their decision to withhold information from him that he clearly wanted. When he found his maternal aunt they discussed his birth mother enough to realize she wasn’t the only sister in the family to have relinquished a son in Denver.Read Full TranscriptRich:                            00:00               I started reading her the description of the birth father from my non identifying records and she got really quiet and she said, oh, this changes everything she goes, I know who your birth father was and so once we sorted it all out, we were both in bed for two days because she hadn’t known that her younger sister had done this.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Rich. He called me from Denver, Colorado where he works in adoptee advocacy, but before he took on that body of work, Rich was searching for his own identity. When he was in college, his adoptive parents gave him an envelope of non identifying information. Then years later he received another document with his birth name. When he found his maternal aunt, they discussed his birth mother enough to realize she wasn’t the only sister in the family to have relinquished a son in Denver. This is Rich’s journey. Rich has an older sister who was adopted, like himself, and a younger sister who was the biological child of his parents. Like many adoptive parents, they didn’t think they could conceive a child until she was born. They were set with their daughter and son they had adopted and there was no plans for any more children. It’s amazing how often that storyline is repeated in adoption. Interestingly, since adoption was such an open topic in their family, at one point their younger sister had a bit of an identity crisis.Rich:                            02:03               The funny thing, you know, how families show slides and baby pictures and that sort of thing. And um, my younger sister was the only one with the newborn new new newborn photos. And at one point she sort of had an existential crisis thinking that she was adopted too, but they just weren’t telling her.Damon:                       02:23               Oh, interesting.Rich:                            02:25               You’re, you’re the only one with the pictures in which your purple.Damon:                       02:30               Hmm.Rich:                            02:32               They’ve got, they’ve got the evidence.Damon:                       02:34               Yeah. You’re ne

Joseph is a really outdoorsy guy who lives in Edmonds, Washington, about 30 minutes north of Seattle. He likes mountain biking, trail running, camping and skiing. Joseph grew up in a family of several children, some biological, and one other adoptee you might already know. He told me that he never could have pinpointed what it was, but he always seemed to be searching for something. Joseph started his journey searching for answers from his biological mother about his adoption. Instead he found mystery surrounding her life, unanswered questions and a connection to his brother that means the most to him out of everything. This is Joseph’s journey. The post 099 – We Were Both Missing Something In Our Lives appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Joseph (00:03):I'm not going to fault her. I mean I was adopted by by great parents and they've had a good family life. I've had a good life, but I was, it was hard to hear that the things behind my adoption were because of her addiction possibly. I guess the first thing that came to my mind was like I was not her priority.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Joseph. He called me from Washington state. Joseph grew up in a family of several children, some biological and one other adoptee. You might already know. He told me that he never could have pinpointed what it was, but he always seemed to be searching for something. He started his journey searching for answers from his biological mother. Instead, he found mystery surrounding her life unanswered questions and a connection to his brother. That means the most to him out of everything. This is Joseph's journey.Damon (01:30):Joseph is a really outdoorsy guy who lives in Edmonds, Washington, about 30 minutes North of Seattle. He likes mountain biking trail running, camping and skiing, reflecting on his childhood. Joseph said his was pretty normal for the most part. He was adopted at almost two years old and they lived in central Washington. It was a middle class upbringing with five children in the family. His father was a civil engineer, so their family moved around occasionally for him to take jobs in public works. I asked him about his memory of being adopted at the age of two years old. I was going to ask you about whether you remembered a transition at two at all, if you had any sort of stark memory or any even general memory of just a transition of, of scenes. Like one minute you're in one place and even at two year old, two years old, you recognize like, Hey, this is a different place.Joseph (02:28):What I can remember I have one memory, uh, prior to living with my adopted family and, and that was confirmed by my mom when I told her. I said, you know, I would have, I started having this reoccurring dream, which was me and this other girl playing with a red ball. And we were just bouncing it back and forth to each and for some reason I don't, I don't know how it happened, but when the ball came back to me, it hit me in the face.Damon (03:08):(laughter) Oh no.Joseph (03:08):And uh, you know, I just remember crying because I think it just kinda, it wasn't anything out of malice or anything. I just remember we were applying and the ball got out of control and hit me in the face. And I remember the girl like really holding me and saying, you know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. And my mom said, you know, that was probably your foster sister Stacy. I was in foster care leading up to my adoption and that, that is my one and only memory.Damon (03:41):Joseph said that it wasn't until he was four years of age when he actually remembers his life when they lived in Richland, Washington. Recall that Joseph had four siblings. The two oldest are biological to their parents. His sister, Leslie was also adopted and their parents had one more biological child after Joseph and Leslie. Joseph said his earliest pictures of himself that he had seen before reunion were from the transitional period when his adoption was being processed. He was visiting with his adoptive family meeting and playing with his new siblings and staying the night.Joseph (04:19):I had never seen any pictures of me as an infant, as a child, like a baby or anything like that, which was kind of significant for me. I'm someone who's really into photography. I love the medium and so, you know, like having pictures of me, were really important, you know, it, it really helps me look at, you know, my life as an adopted kid, so to speak. I don't know, I just, that's something that always resonated with me. And so I know that I was, was really curious to see, you know, pictures of me maybe with my biological mom or as me as an infant and my adopted mom and I, you know, we would talk about that a lot as well. Like it would just help me kind of complete the pictu

Steve, from London, Ontario, Canada shares his story of being adopted after his mother lost a child. Steve and his mother never connected, in fact, she stifled his social development and seemed to be holding him back because he didn’t look like their family, and didn’t fit in. As a teen, Steve was out on his own in the streets when he learned that he had fathered a child – that’s when he became a single father.In reunion, he found a connection to his birth mother, but her empty promises ended with rejection that surprised him.Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:00               Hey there. I just wanted to take a sec to let you know that in between producing the show, chasing my son Seth around and generally living life, I took time to write a book about my own adoption journey. It’s called Who Am I Really? Of course. If you’d like to pre order a copy, go to WhoAmIReallypodcast.com and click shop, where you will be redirected to the publishers bookstore. I hope to make it to your reading list. Okay, here’s this week’s show.Steve:                          00:33               My birth mother tells her, look, I’m not allowed to have contact with him. The kids have his contact information. If they want to contact him, they’re welcome to. I’ve given them, you know what I mean? Everyone’s aware and man, that felt like a knife through the gut, and I don’t know why. Like I guess in that moment I just, I felt orphaned.Voices:                        01:02               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       01:13               This is, Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Steve. He called me from London, Ontario, Canada. Steve shares his story of being adopted after his mother lost a child, but Steve and his mother never connected. In fact, she stifled his social development and seemed to be holding him back because he didn’t look like their family and didn’t fit in. As a teen, Steve was out on his own in the streets when he learned that he had fathered a child, that’s when he became a single father. In reunion, he found the connection to his birth mother, but empty promises ended with rejection and that surprised him. This is Steve’s journey. Steve doesn’t recall being told he was adopted. He just always knew it, but he doesn’t know how he knew that fact. By his description, his parents were typical adoptive parents in the 1970s who wanted the dreams of family many parents aspire to back then, but his adoption came about out of adversity.Steve:                          02:19               They wanted their 2.3 kids in a white picket fence. They had a girl. Then they had a, a baby who was stillborn and they were told that they would never be able to conceive again. And so at that point, um, they pursued other options and, and ended up adopting me. A year and a half after that, my mom got pregnant, so my little brother was born as sort of the miracle baby. And I think that sequence of events affected me and my life in a number of ways, that I didn’t really understand until, until much later. So here I am and I’m in this family. This is a Norwegian family. Everyone in my family is over six feet tall, blonde hair, blue eyes. They get a sun burden walking under a light bulb. And I am not like that at all. You know, I am, I am on a shorter side. I’m five, seven now, fully grown. I got black curly hair. Well, it’s gray now. Yeah, just didn’t look anything like them. And it’s very obvious, you know, in the family pictures and whatnot. So I think I always felt different. Also, I have a really unique surname. Uh, you’ve never heard it before. And so when people comment on the surname, they say, oh, that’s, and I still get this often. Oh, that’s a nice name. Um, and then I have to explain that I’m Norwegian and uh, I am obviously not Nor

Kyle tells the story of growing up, towering over his mother and sister and looking very different from them, but being loved. Locating his birth mother he was amazed to see someone he looked like but struggled to get along with as she battled her own pain. In the end, he was able to truly connect to his Native American heritage while discovering the pain that was deep within him. His experience inspired him to write two songs.Read Full TranscriptKyle:                            00:03               And that’s the thing is she’s a great person. It was just very hard towards the end to have the relationship because I think she felt she wanted to be my mom. I just period and she couldn’t be. She didn’t raise me and it was a very tough thing for her. And I think it’s just the trauma, you know, it’s easy to get wrapped up in my own trauma, but you know, that can’t be easy… Giving up a baby, especially when you don’t want to.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and my guest on the show today is Kyle. He called me from Seattle, Washington. Kyle tells the story of growing up, towering over his mother and sister and looking very different from them, but being loved, locating his birth mother. He was amazed to see someone he looked like, but struggled to get along with as she battled her own pain. In the end, he was able to truly connect to his native American heritage and the experience inspired him to write two songs. Here’s part of one of them called the saddest song and did this is Kyle’s journeyKyle Singing:                02:15               [Music] See all of me. I’m there before you. You’re In my dreams, but I don’t know you.Damon:                       02:33               Kyle said that he had a good childhood, but they didn’t really talk about adoption still. He felt like everyone in the family knew he was adopted and some folks were a little nicer to him in his extended family while some folks were less so within Kyle’s nuclear family. His mother told him the story of how she had several babies to choose from, but she picked him and he liked that his dad was engaged, cracking jokes, and he was a fun Dad, but his parents separated when he was young, so the challenges of switching between houses made things a little tougher. He acknowledges that he did feel kind of different.Kyle:                            03:10               Really good childhood. I think I always felt a little different, but when you’re a child you don’t really know why. I just thought I was very shy, so I think I attributed a feeling different. Just that I wasn’t outgoing. My sister is very outgoing and so I thought, well, it’s just because I’m really shy that people don’t notice me as much or you know, I feel different. Yeah, we’d go to my grandparents’ house. They have a farm in North Dakota and go there as children for the summer and my grandmother did the opposite. I was the youngest, so a lot of times the older kids didn’t want to play with me so she would take me under her wing and teach me things and my grandfather would take me with him and he, you know, fix farm equipment. And so that was a, that was actually some of the best memories I’ve had in my life was growing up on the farm.Damon:                       04:05               Those were great because Kyle could just tag along as his grandmother baked and did other things

Katherin called me from Atlanta, Georgia. She grew up in a challenging environment with an adoptive mother on dialysis, an adoptive father who disengaged from parenting, and life lessons that taught her to suppress her emotions. Seeking connection, Katherin turned to the affection of men to fill the emotional voids in her life.In reunion, Katherin discovered her birth mother's struggles with mental health and gained a sister with whom she shares a close bond. However, building a relationship with her birth father has been difficult, as his wife harbors resentment over his past transgressions.This is Katherin’s journey.In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex AddictWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Amy shared her story with me from Carlisle, Pennsylvania. She learned about her adoption before her teen years—a revelation that left her in shock but also helped her make sense of her family dynamics.In college, Amy’s coming out created a rift within her family, leaving her worried that pursuing an adoption reunion might lead to similar tensions.Thankfully, Amy’s birth mother embraced her happiness and wholeheartedly committed to supporting her in their reunion. Listen until the end when you hear how Amy had to adopt her own child even though she's married. This is Amy's Journey.Let me know if you'd like further adjustments!Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Virginia spoke to me from New York. When she was young, her single mother struggled to raise her and her two younger brothers, battling addiction and mental illness, which ultimately led to their family being separated. While Virginia was reunited with her mother, she was not reunited with her brothers and was devastated by the terrible news that she would never see them again.As an adult, Virginia felt something wasn't right about the story of her younger brothers. Determined to uncover the truth, she embarked on a mission to find answers. Although Virginia is not adopted, her brothers were. This is Virginia's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Bobbi, who lives in Montgomery County, Maryland, reached out as an ally to the adoptee community. After we chatted, she realized something important about her own journey.She shared her tale of generational kinship adoption, the heartbreaking discovery that her beloved granny had likely endured an assault, and the DNA discoveries of multiple adoptees who were placed from her own family tree. This is Bobbie's Journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Jean, from Boulder City, Nevada, shared that her raising parents had their flaws, from addiction to enablement, but she knows they loved her and they did the best they could with what they had in their toolbox. Searching for her birth mother, the woman was found quickly, their resemblance was shocking, and after discovering some disturbing facts about the woman's past, maternal reunion remains an unmet need for Jean. However, when she learned there would be no reunion, Jean could not have been in a better place than among other adoptees. This is Jean's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Curt, from in Las Vegas, Nevada, felt like something was off in his family when he was a kid, so he he set out to find his own way. As an adult, Curt got curious about locating his birth family, but chickened out on submitting a DNA sample to launch is search for reunion.On his maternal side, Curt was finally able to meet his birth mother, but she seems to be keeping him at arm's length. Curt's birth father knew he had fathered a child, prepared his family to hear from Curt one day, and was more prepared to welcome him into his life than his birth mother.This is Curt's Journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Patrice, from Northern Virginia, said that in her house adoption was never discussed when she was a kid. So her curiosity led to a secret search as an adult. While her birth mother had no plans to meet Patrice, in reunion, her birth father told everyone about his long lost daughter.Unfortunately, the loneliness of the COVID 19 lockdown drove a wedge between Patrice and her birth father. This is Patrice's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Sharon, from Springfield, Missouri, grew up in a small town as part of a large family. After leaving home, she became pregnant and was abandoned by the birth father. Following the placement of her daughter, she suffered in silence for years. For decades, Sharon hid her pain behind a smile—until the day her daughter found her.When they reconnected, they finally saw the beauty in each other. Sharon is a birth mother, and this is her journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Janet spoke to me from her home in Nantucket, Massachusetts. She grew up with an adoptive mother who presented to the outside community as a saint whom everyone loved. But at home she was unkind to her family. Janet said she spent her whole life wanting to know her birth mother when she finally found the woman. Janet's birth mother didn't want to know her and only met her after her other children forced the issue. However, her birth father welcomed her with open arms and compassion, the kind of welcome every adoptee hopes for. This is Janet's Journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Here is the edited version with improved grammar:Baya called me from Basking Ridge, New Jersey. She was raised in Germany by parents who grew up in post-World War II Germany, along with an abusive older brother. In her town, everyone knew Baya was adopted, and she even knew who her birth mother was. However, to this day, Baya has not yet reached the point where she feels ready to take the next step—coming face to face with the woman she has known about her entire life.This is Baya's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Jim, from Gilroy, California, Jim was born in the early 1960s in San Jose, California. His adoption story is complex, shaped by the trauma and loss his adoptive parents faced after losing their youngest biological son. For Jim, the love he sought from his adoptive father was elusive, replaced by emotional and physical abuse in his adoptive family. As Jim searched for his biological family he was disappointed by some misleading events. and he uncovered some unexpected connections and painful revelations. This is Jim's Journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Moses is an adoption trauma educator and therapist, but his own personal journey as an adoptee is one of hardship and resilience. To use his words, Moses was stolen from South Korea at the age of two, by his famous mother, to grow up as part of a transracial, international, and high profile family.However, beneath the surface of fame Moses faced deep trauma, isolation, and tragedy. His story raises challenging questions about the adoption industry, This is Moses Journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

After two years in foster care, Janet was adopted into the foster family. An interracial woman, she grew up in a white midwestern community in Ohio. Janet recalls the love she felt from her family and the isolation of being one of two people of color in her town. Through the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR.net) she connected with her birth mother who had been waiting for her to register for years. In reunion, Janet forged a tight bond with her birth mother and maternal brother. On her birth father’s side, she finally met & bonded with her brother, the first person of African American descent she ever met that she is related to.The post 041 – I’ve Finally Gotten Myself To A Sense Of Peace appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.

John called me from Charlotte, NC, but his story starts in Ontario Canada. He shares how he grew up in a strict home and how even though he was mischievous, he didn’t think his actions warranted his unceremonious delivery to boarding school. After decades of dedication to his search, he finally discovered his birth mother’s identity, accidentally uncovered deeply held lifelong secrets, and he hopes to have a pint with the man falsely named as his birth father. This is John’s journey. 

Marilyn called me from Southeast Tennessee. When she met her natural mother, she finally learned the story of what the woman had been through as the pieces of 50 years of history returned to her memory. Maryilyn admits she didn't have a huge void to fill in seeking reunion but that being in reunion has opened up closeness with her natural mother that some of her closest friends have waited years to achieve. Listen at the end for the cute story of how her son met his grandmother for the first time right at his own school, you're gonna love it. This is Marilyn's journey.

Gayla called me, with her best friend Lisa, from Georgia. Gayla said she was loved so much by her adopted parents that you never would have known she was an adoptee. When she found her biological mother they got really close until the woman said something unkind about her adopted mother that strained their relationship some. Locating her biological father, Gayla was met with rejection until she drove 5 hours to meet the man face to face. A well intended misstep drove a wedge between them, so she holds out hope that her apology will be meaningful and they can be friends. This is Gayla’s journey. 

When he was a kid, Bill saw clues here and there that he was adopted, but no one ever actually said it. It wasn’t until he called an uncle he’d never met before that the truth was revealed, turning Bill’s world upside down. Reunion with his birth mother was an emotional event with a woman who was told never to speak of his existence again. Bill talks about how he felt toward the father he grew up who took the secret of his adoption to his grave, and how redemptive it’s been to be accepted by his birth parents and his new siblings on both sides.Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:00               Hey there. I just wanted to take a sec to let you know that in between producing the show, chasing my son Seth around and generally living life, I took time to write a book about my own adoption journey. It’s called Who Am I Really? Of course. If you’d like to preorder a copy, go to WhoAmIReallypodcast.com and click shop where you will be redirected to the publishers bookstore. I hope to make it to your reading list. Okay, here’s this week’s show.Bill:                             00:30               I just realized that what was so upsetting was all the stuff I had missed. I missed 54 years with these people. I missed 54 years with my parents. I missed 54 years with my aunts and uncles and my sisters that I’ll never get back and that was really, really weighing on me and I just, I got to a point where I learned that I have to just accept that and I got to try to get past it.Voices:                        01:05               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       01:16               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Bill. He called me from Virginia Beach, Virginia. When he was a kid, Bill saw clues here and there that he was adopted, but no one ever actually said it. It wasn’t until he called an uncle he’d never met before that the truth was revealed, turning Bill’s world upside down. He talks about how he felt toward the father he grew up with after learning the news and how redemptive it’s been to be accepted by his birth parents and his new siblings. This is Bill’s journey. Bill tells his adoption story in parts. I gathered, It was because he’s had to accumulate the facts over his lifetime. The first part of his story he calls, what I knew, where he describes exactly that, the things that he knew were the facts of his life. For example, he was born in January of 1963 his birth place was a Methodist hospital in Omaha, Nebraska. His father’s name was Bill. His first wife’s name was Audrey.Bill:                             02:27               I knew that sometime when I was two years old, Audrey passed away in June of 65 and I know that, uh, my father remarried my mother who raised me and uh, November of 67 that I knew, I knew that I grew up with a mother who wasn’t my real mother. I knew she was my step, but I grew up with that stereotypical Walt Whitman, uh, suburban family. There was nothing that we couldn’t do. Daryl and uh, his wife Jean went on to have four children, two boys and two girls. So I grew up as the oldest of five. Typical Irish Catholic family in Nebraska, the siblings, we were very, very close, but we fought like cats and dogs just like kids do. They were never any knock down drag outs. They were just those, you know, he took my toy, that type of stuff.Damon:                       03:25               sibling rivalry stuff.Bill:                             03:27&nb

Sara, from Seattle, Washington, was an over achiever adoptee who was secretly struggling and going off the rails. She intentionally avoided babies until her sister gave birth.. and having kids of her own drove home just how precious babies are. Sara feared reunion would literally kill her adoptive mother. But in reunion she finally heard from her biological mother that they looked just a like, a comment she had waited to hear her whole life.This is Sara’s journey.

Karen is from Stratford, Ontario, Canada. She shares her story of growing up a woman of color who stood out in her family and community.Locating her birth mother she found little connection and a bit of tension, but ultimately she wants to keep the relationship going. That’s partially because her paternal reunion, while fulfilling in the most heartwarming ways, was sadly too brief. This is Karen’s journey.The post 104 – You’re Obviously One Of Us appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Karen (00:04):I was so sad at the time. I wish that that had been possible just because of everything I had been through as a kid and never feeling like I belonged and realizing that there had been a possibility that I could have been raised by him that he wanted to, but wasn't given an option.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:44):Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Karen. I spoke with her from Stratford, Ontario, Canada. She shares her story of growing up a woman of color who stood out in her family and community locating her birth mother. She found little connection and a bit of tension, but ultimately she wants to keep the relationship going. That's partially because her paternal reunion while fulfilling in the most heartwarming ways was sadly too brief. This is Karen's journey. Karen opened by saying how helpful the show has been for understanding how other adoptees feel, because it's not often that the subject of our own adoptions comes up. So sometimes the people who are closest to us don't even know we're adoptees. The night before our interview, she was sitting around a campfire on the beach where she told someone she's known for 10 years, that she was going to be interviewed the next day about her adoption, her friend, remarked, that she didn't even know that fact about Karen. I hope you'll forgive the raspiness of Karen's voice. Apparently it was a great time around the campfire that night. Karen shared that she was born in Toronto, Canada and adopted as an infant after spending time with two different foster families in the Toronto newspaper. In the 1960s and seventies, there was a column called today's child, which listed children for adoption, who were considered less desirable for adoption to use Karen's words. These children were older, were not white, or maybe had some sort of disability.Karen (02:30):I was one of those children. And, um, I have a copy of that, that article. So there's picture of me when I'm nine months old and then they write a description about me. And it's funny, I just went over it again this morning. And the description that they wrote about me then is still the same for me now,Damon (02:51):Really it was an accurate depiction of who your personality is, and isn't that fascinating to read that it really is.Karen (03:00):It really is. And I mean, I've read this, but I'll call her a million times. But each time I think I'm seeing it from different eyes, depending where I am in my own life experience.Damon (03:15):She was adopted by parents who had three children of their own, but her adopted mother was told not to have any more children. Her youngest naturally born child had medical issues that required a complete blood transfusion, but the family wanted more kids. Karen was adopted into a white family whom Karen said, didn't really know any other black people. And there really weren't any people of color in her community. She was the only oneKaren (03:42):Growing up in my family was it was a good experience, except for always feeling like I didn't really belong anywhere. I was a pretty strong kid, as far as just making things work. I ended up probably becoming the class clown because of that. And I ended up excelling in sports, I think because of that, because I needed a place to fit. Right. So when I think back on it, I think that's how I found my place was just by excelling or being funny.Damon (04:17):It's interesting. It almost sounds to me like you were already out there, there was a spotlight on you regardless. So it sounds like you just embraced it and said, I'm going all in. You're already looking at meKaren (04:33):Exactly. Right? Yeah. I'm glad that that's, that was my personality to be able to do that because otherwise it would have been really difficult. But even from, from being a little kid, some of my first memories are feeling like people are staring at me because I'm walking in with this white family and me and, and I, I stood out because there weren't any other black kids around, you know? So, um, when I was really little, um, maybe three years old, I think anyways, uh, my mom said we were walking past a window full of mannequins and it was mannequins of different nationalities maybe. And, uh, um, I looked at my mom and I said, she was like my Brown. So I was always aware of being different. People often sa

Wendy, from Massachussetts, was adopted through Louise Wise, an agency with a notorious reputation. Separately, the tragic murder of Lisa Steinberg triggered her adoptive mother to give Wendy open permission to find her birth mother to let her know she’s ok. On her search, Wendy found her birth father first, but connecting with her birth mother is where she’s found similar interests and a relationship that continues to grow as she introduces her birth mother to her family. This is Wendy’s journey.Wendy (00:02):You know I called my adopted mom and said, you know, this is what happened. So she's been, you know, she has been part of the process the whole way along. And um very supportive, which I think is huge to have that kind of permission from your adopted parents and that, you know, comfort them being comfortable with the process has really been helpful to me.Damon (00:32):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am IDamon (00:42):Who am I, this is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show, you're going to meet Wendy. She called me from Massachusetts. Wendy was adopted through an agency with a notorious reputation separately. A tragic headline triggered her adoptive mother to give Wendy open permission to find her birth mother, to let her know she's okay on the search. Wendy found her birth father first, but connecting with her birth mother is where she found similar interests and a relationship that continues to grow. This is Wendy's journey. Wendy was born in July of 1968 in New York city adopted a few weeks later through the Louise wise agency. If the name of that agency sounds familiar, it's the one that was at the center of controversy in the documentary film, three identical strangers, the story Chronicles, identical triplets, who were separated at birth and intentionally placed for adoption into three different homes with different socioeconomic makeups. The men were studied throughout their childhoods. Then they found one another completely by accident. As young adults focusing on Wendy, her parents had been married six years before they adopted her through private adoption. Two years later, they adopted her sister through an attorney in California, then a year and a half after her parents unexpectedly had a biological son. That's three children in three and a half years in their home in Northern New Jersey. Wendy said when she arrived, her parents sent out announcements that had both her birth and adoption dates on them.Wendy (02:37):You know, I felt very loved. It was a very positive family experience, very accepted by everyone in the family. Although the family was very small. So my mother, my adopted mother is still alive. She's 80 years old. My adopted father died when I was about 28 years old. So it's been quite a while. And um, in the community, my parents were, um, never hid the fact that my sister and I were adopted. Although, you know, it wasn't like a frequent topic of conversation. And I didn't, you know, I told people if asked, I don't think I really went around, announcing it to friends. You know, even through my search and reunion process, people who know, who have found out, some people have said to me, well, I never knew you were adopted.Damon (03:28):Wendy felt she could pass as her parents' child. In some ways they had similar eye and hair color different from her sister who kind of stood out more from them. I was curious about how the siblings got along with one another. They were three siblings of completely different biological makeup. Wendy said her sister was competitive with her and these days their relationship is strained. But with her brother, Wendy has a good relationship despite their age difference.Wendy (03:57):If you spent time with the three of us, you could observe certain, um, you know, values that we have and things about us that really are all very similar and probably came from our upbringing. And then you did observe some really stark differences amongst us.Damon (04:14):Wendy's father died of cancer. After a three year illness, she had just started her second career in nursing and was a new mother. Her own daughter was only 10 months old when her dad passed. I asked her about that time in their lives.Wendy (04:30):He was probably one of my greatest supporters in life and we were very close. So he was, uh, uh, his loss was massive to me. And, um, you know, still to this day, I really, uh, have, you know, some degree of grief over it. So he was, um, a stellar father, even in my non identifying information. It's so interesting. Cause he, when I received that he shined through in personality as somebody who, you know, knew nothing about babies, but immediately took to me. And he was very active and involved father. Um, so yeah, that was a really tough loss.Damon (05:11):Growing up. Wendy said, she always wondered and wanted to know about her biologica

James called me from right up the road in Laurel, Maryland and we have one degree of separation with one of my adoptive father, Willie’s, friends. In his story you’ll hear his struggle to find himself and an identity as a youth in a family that didn’t look like him. It took him years to find his voice after a bitter divorce left him and his adopted siblings abused. Thankfully James’s wife, an excellent investigator found his birth parents and helped initiate meaningful reunions that allowed James to express forgiveness and find belonging.Jame's book, "The Miracle" is available here: https://amzn.to/3kMYSxVThe post 097 – You Gotta Forgive appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.

Meredith had enough adoptees around her growing up that adoption was no big deal. Yet, her parents never felt comfortable actually discussing adoption. After getting pregnant, and spurred on by her mother-in-law’s intuition that Meredith wanted answers, she started searching. When her social worker found her biological parents, they were married with children. Her reunion has filled her with mixed emotions because she’s thankful for the life she’s led but’s she’s seen the family photos for the life that could have been.The post 053 – Seeing The Life That Could Have Been appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Meredith (00:03):In the beginning. I, I didn't set boundaries for myself, for the relationship with them, for, I didn't give myself time to feel anything. I think I was, you know, adoptees are people pleasers and that's what I was being. And I was so concerned about what everyone else was feeling. And I don't, I didn't recognize what I was going through. And I think maybe that's why I struggle a little bit more now with my emotions.Damon (00:35):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Meredith. She called me from Northern Virginia, but her story takes place up North in a small town in Massachusetts. There, she felt loved and adoption was no big deal growing up because there were adoptees around her and life was good. Her reunion happened quickly, but it was transformative for her when she learned her biological parents were together and her adopted parents felt betrayed. This is Meredith's journey. Meredith grew up in a quaint little town in Western Massachusetts. She said she doesn't remember even being told, but she always knew she was adopted. She also had an older sister, also adopted, but unrelated to herself, coincidentally Meredith's childhood best friend who lived right across the street was also an adoptee. SoMeredith (01:49):It just felt very normal to me. And then actually the day that I was adopted, I was adopted a month after I was born. Uh, we celebrate that as my special day. And, um, my mom always would make cupcakes for the class at school. Um, so it was kind of like a second birthday for me.Damon (02:10):That is so coolMeredith (02:10):Yeah. And we still, you know, she'll send me a special day card every year, which I still get. So yeah, it's always just been something that made me feel unique.Damon (02:21):Both sisters got birthday and special day celebrations and the girls were made to feel cherished and loved Meredith said she always had questions about adoption, but when she was younger, sometimes she would get a little pushback from her mother when she broached the topic. So she usually didn'tMeredith (02:38):It didn't, I didn't start to really think about it more until I was like in high school. And I don't know if it was partly my curiosity too, but a lot of people would ask me questions, which I think maybe sparked like me wanting to know more too. Does that make sense?Damon (02:58):Something that you haven't really Thought about, but as other people think about it more and more, it definitely invades your own mind. Right?Meredith (03:06):Right. But honestly, when I was in high school, like I didn't even know where to start. I, I, wasn't still in contact with the other adoptee friend that I had. So I didn't really have a community of people who understood it or even knew like how to help me.Damon (03:22):Those were pre-internet days in the 1990s. So while she wanted to search for her relatives, Meredith didn't have any ways to do so easily. While in high school, she says she didn't talk about adoption much with others on any meaningful level until she got married. She discussed being adopted with her husband and her mother-in-law.Meredith (03:42):Cause she's just a very curious person. And she would ask me a lot of questions. And she's actually someone who helped me a lot in my search when I actually got answers.Damon (03:53):Meredith thinks that part of the reason she didn't search sooner was a little bit of fear, a lack of a real support system. And just not even knowing where to start narrative has already said that she only casually discussed adoption with others. So I wondered what it was about her mother-in-law that made Meredith open up.Meredith (04:12):I think maybe because I knew that she genuinely cares about me and I think she saw that I wanted answers. And you know, sometimes you just need that little push that person to nudge you along and bring that out of you. And I feel like I knew that she would support any decision or outcome and she would be there for me.Damon (04:36):So her curiosity, her curiosity and support, evoked a feeling of trust. Yeah. for sure, just after Meredith and her husband got engaged in 2008. They were back in Western Massachusetts for her bridal

Paul grew up in a family where he didn’t look like his parents, his father was Mexican and his mother was Japanese. In his childhood, his mother turned incredibly harsh and abusive, especially toward his sister. Searching for his birth mother, Paul made a misstep when he didn’t follow the advice of his search angel, and it cost him a valued relationship. Luckily he was able to connect with his half-siblings on both sides, but one relationship ended abruptly when a spouse fired his gun at Paul! All told, Paul found links to his personal history, and that’s given him the identity he was seeking.Read Full TranscriptPaul:                            00:02               But the one thing that would happen, my aunt told me and one of my older cousins had told me, when I was little, the only person that could get me to stop crying was my dad’s sister. As soon as I was in her arms I would shut up. I would stop and the reason, and here’s, here’s the reason why, this is why I’ve always known that voice. My, my birth mom’s voice is exactly identical to, at least to my ears, as my dad’s sister.Voices:                        00:35               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:47               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and on today’s show is Paul. He called me from Tucson, Arizona. Paul grew up in a family where he didn’t look like his parents and eventually his mother turned incredibly harsh and abusive. Searching for his birth mother, he made a misstep when he didn’t follow the advice of his search angel and it cost him a valued relationship. Luckily, he was able to connect with his half siblings on both sides. But one relationship ended abruptly when a spouse fired his gun at Paul. All told Paul found links to his personal history and that’s given him the identity he was seeking. This is Paul’s journey. Paul figures, he was with Catholic social services for about three to four months before he was adopted. His father was Mexican and his mother was Japanese. He met her in Japan during the Korean War and they got married in the United States.Paul:                            01:50               So right there, when I was old enough to look in the mirror and everything, I was like, well, you know, one of these things is not like the other. I don’t Look anything like either person and I, you know, I was little so I didn’t knowDamon:                       02:04               but either. The two of them don’t look alike. So how do you not look alike?Paul:                            02:11               Well you know, my mom was, you know, she’s Japanese and she was small and she really had extreme Japanese features. So I’m like, I’d look in the mirror and I’m like, well, I don’t have those features. And then, um, my dad, I, you know, I like can’t say I really didn’t, you know, I really couldn’t make the total comparison, but I’m like, something’s not right here. And then as I got older, not much older, but the differences kept getting more pronounced. And I remember one of my earliest memory, Geez, I probably was four, maybe five, I was out in the backyard crying I wanted to go home. And you know, um, my dad comes home from work and sees me out in the backyard and asking me, asked me what’s going on, I’m in the backyard bawling my eyes that I want to go home. And then that’s when I got, this is your home. You know, I was like, no, this can’t be my home. I don’t look like you.Damon:                   &nb

John Dorenbos, the Magic Man, contacted me from his home in Los Angeles. John grew up in a wonderful family until he was 12 years old, when he came home from playing and learned that his mother was taken from him. John made it through his family's tragic turn thanks to kinship adoption, lots of counseling, and two outlets he is eternally grateful for --football and magic! John had a long career in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles, but an injury that forced him off the field ultimately saved his life. What you're about to hear is the magic of a man who lives the power of positivity. This is John Dorenbos's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Lynn retains a New York accent, but she called me from North Carolina. As a young girl, Lynn should have been a carefree time in Lynn's life, but her home was a chaotic place. She said characterizing her home life as having a few challenges will be like saying Noah's Ark experienced a little rain. Instead of being a carefree kid. Lynn told me that she felt a responsibility for her younger siblings who experienced the same chaos she lived through at home. She was searching for a place where she would matter to someone at a young, vulnerable time in her life.Pregnant with nowhere to turn, she placed her daughter for adoption, the hardest thing she's ever been forced to do. In reunion, Lynn was stunned to receive her daughter's call out of the blue. She was thankful at how quickly they were able to see each other but is disappointed that the relationship has not gotten deeper.Lynn is a first mother, and this is her journey.SURVEY: Preliminary Exploration Into Adoption & ReunionWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Ken grew up in a mixed home with both biological and adopted siblings. While Ken was loved and treated equally, when his son was born, he felt the urge to learn more about his birth mother. When he found the woman living nearby, she answered Ken's phone call with inspiring words, expressing her expectation of that moment finally happening for her one day. Ken said there was a moment with his birth mother when it felt like time was standing still.With her, he finally feels like he can be himself without people-pleasing behavior. This is Ken's journey.I Will See You Again, by K. R. DeStefanoWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Regina spoke to me from her home in North Carolina. When Regina was a child, she learned she was adopted and how other kids cruelly viewed adoptees. She never told anyone about being an adopted person until the big reveal in adulthood. After seeking counseling to overcome the monster of adoption, Regina finally sought reunion. She found her birth mother and father in the same day, and eventually heard from her siblings that she was fortunate for the opportunities that adoption provided her. This is Regina is journey.Book- Adoption: The Unknown BlessingWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Steven, from Bainbridge Island, Washington—across the Puget Sound from Seattle—shared his that when he was a kid, it only took one incident to solidify his resolve never to ask his adoptive mother about his adoption. In a maternal reunion, Stephen was confronted with the reality that, while his birth mother was not mentally capable of taking care of herself, she never forgot about her son.On his maternal side, it was DNA testing that finally gave Steven the breakthrough he needed after decades of inquiry. This is Steven's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbeanCastbox

Lena, from just north of Tampa, Florida grew up surrounded by adoptees. However, as she got older, Lena began to feel how different she was. While working toward her degree in social work, Lena's studies unexpectedly led her down the path to reunion. While her birth father has been nothing but supportive, Lena said she can't force a maternal reunion with someone who has not healed yet herself.This is Lena's journey. ​ Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

One of the important things to do when sharing adoptee stories is try to empathize with our birth mothers. This is a special presentation of the "Who Am I Really?" podcast for "Birth Mother's Day". Working with Ed DiGangi (ep. 130) we highlight the stories of three birth mothers, Yvonne, Sarah, and Laura who share their personal stories of being stigmatized, coerced, and misinformed about their child's adoption. They share their struggles carrying the memory of the children they placed, the process of mental and physical recovery from giving birth, and the secrecy some held for years about what they had endured as young women. Birth Mother's Day is observed on the Saturday before Mother's Day in order to honor birth mothers' experiences. D. Yvonne Rivers - Host of Birth Moms Real Talk podcastLaura Engel - Author of You'll Forget This Ever HappenedSarah Maury Swan - Writer and multiple book authorEd DiGangi, Adoptee - Author of The Gift Best GivenWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

When a child is in need of support to help navigate the traumatic experiences in their lives. Renowned psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and leading authority on childhood trauma Dr. Bruce D. Perry is the man to call. Dr. Perry has researched childhood trauma and its impact on brain development and behavior throughout his decades, long distinguished career. Perry's dedication to understanding and addressing the effects of trauma on individuals, families, and communities has played a pivotal role In advancing our understanding of trauma informed care and resilience, building strategies. Dr. Perry is the co-author of the New York Times #1 best seller. "What Happened To You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing," co-authored with none other than Oprah Winfrey. You're about to hear Dr. Perry delve into the transformative power of understanding trauma, our ability to reprogram our brains, and a wonderful explanation of a theory a lot of adoptees have relied on for healing. It is my pleasure to present to you my conversation with Dr. Bruce D. Perry.Neurosequential.comWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Doris, who lives between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, California, was adopted after her adoptive mother's repetitive attempts at pregnancy. Doris then had to endure herself centeredness -- a residual trauma of her failed pregnancies -- and her narcissism, which prevented her from being the mother Doris needed. In reunion, Doris was welcomed by some of her extended family, but chose to try to meet her birth mother face to face, to hopefully avoid being rejected. You will be stunned by the outcome of Doris's trip to her birth mother's home and empowered by how she focuses on the positivity of her experience. This is Doris his journey. ReckoningWithThePrimalWoundWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Monica, from outside of Sacramento, California, shares her double story as an adoptee and a birth mother. When Monica was a kid getting dumped by her adoptive mother sent her down a path of bad-girl attention seeking that, put her in dangerous situations. In reunion she discovered her heritage is tied to native people of North America and that her instinct to search was well-timed because her passionate drive was matched by someone else very important to Monica who was looking for her too. As an adoptee, Monica holds a unique perspective that helped her prepare for one of the most pivotal moments in her life. Trigger warning: Around 20 minutes into the episode Monica discusses a violent act inflicted against her. This is Monica's journey.MonicaHall.comWho Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Angela, from Seattle Washington, grew up in a home full of adoptees whose adoptions were prioritized because of perceived medical needs, including her own. Angela pursued reunion, expecting she would search for and find her birth mother and they would look just the like,Instead, Angela first found a man who was loved by his community and when she appeared there in his town where she was born, everyone knew exactly who she was because of her close. paternal resemblance.Angela's maternal reunion started with a jarring introduction that initiated with what she thought would be a reunion rejection, but eventually evolved into a maternal connection. Angela is the author of "You Should Be Grateful: Stories of race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption".AngelaTucker.comThis is Angela's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? WebsiteShare Your StoryDamon's storyFind the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Jane, from outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, grew up knowing she was adopted, comfortable with the fact, and even knowing her birth name from a young age.After her adoptive parents passed away, Jane obtained as much identifying information as possible and submitted two DNA tests. The amalgamation of resources all provided supporting clues to her maternal and paternal sides.In reunion, Jane found a man who didn't even know she existed, but wanted to get as much information about what transpired behind his back when he was a teenager as possible.Listen at the end for the touching moment where Jane took her birth father to a special place.This is Jane's journey.Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? WebsiteShare Your StoryDamon's storyFind the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbean

Brad, from McKinney, Texas, just outside of Dallas grew up thinking something was off in his family. But Brad internalized his differences from his parents as his own inability to adapt to their personality traits and abilities. As an adult DNA testing revealed that something far more foundational to his being was the reason for their differences. The revelation set off a series of forced confrontations, unexpected sibling introductions, and being face to face with an incarcerated man Brad had no intention of bonding with... until he did. Make sure you to listen until the end to hear how Brad's paternal reunion played out. It is heartwarming for sure. This is Brad's journey. Who Am I Really?Who Am I Really? Website Share Your StoryDamon's story Find the show on:InstagramFacebookAppleYouTubeSpotifyGoogleTuneIn StitcherPlayer FMPodbeanI7u5q8UrFim2sniNJlaA

Linda’s childhood was tumultuous after her mother’s death as she was raised in what she thought was her grandmother’s home. When she learned the truth about her life from the neighbor’s kids, at age 10, Linda immediately wanted to find her birther father. She endured years of abuse in her grandmother’s home with no love. She characterizes her story, not as an adoption, she thinks of herself as stolen from her biological father.You can find Linda’s book at LindaBlackmer.com or you can search “My Father’s Eyes: A Story of Stolen Lives” on AmazonRead Full TranscriptLinda:                          00:03               Grandma’s drivin. Then we’re driving down the road and she begins calling me names and then she gets quiet and she goes, you know, Linda, you’re right. Your Dad is not your father. And it was like, wow, you know, my abuser is actually finally telling me the truth.Voices:                        00:27               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who Am I?Damon:                       00:38               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Linda. She called me from Farmington, New Mexico where she lives so far away from it all, that she had to drive into town from her house to get a good mobile signal so that she could share her story with you. Linda’s childhood was tumultuous after her mother’s death as she was raised in what she thought was her grandmother’s home. Once she learned the truth about her life from the neighbor’s kids at age 10, Linda immediately wanted to find her birth mother. She endured years of abuse in her grandmother’s home with no love. She characterizes her story not as an adoption, she thinks of herself as stolen from her biological father. This is Linda’s journey.Damon:                       01:32               Linda admits her journey is convoluted, but you already know that many of our stories are on November 22nd 19, 63. President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas. The next day, November 23rd. Linda’s mother was killed. Linda was about three years old. Her sister was four the girls, went to live with their maternal grandmother as the family tried to make a plan for their future.Linda:                          01:59               The people in the family were trying to figure out what to do with us, and one day a grandma Brown into the house and sitting on her chair was a strange man that we had never seen before and so my sister and I, we looked at each other and looked at the guy and he had two great big white teddy bears and he held out his hands and said, hello. I’m your Daddy. And we’d never seen him before. Again, it was really strange and really confusing.Damon:                       02:35               Okay,Linda:                          02:36               so we did go to live with him and he could not handle raising a three and a four year old, so he took us to his parents. So we grew up with our Dad’s parents and we of course called and grandma and grandpa.Daon:                          02:54               Can I just ask quickly when you were two, I make the assumption that you were living in a two parent household when your mother was killed, is that correct?Linda:         

April called me from New York, New York, but her story originated in New England. She is a transracial adoptee whose search took her to a quintessential New England town and the connection to her birth mother’s former home which put April and the woman on the phone that night. But the pain of April’s conception was too much, so the pair never connected. Now April holds out hope that one day she’ll know the man with whom she shares DNA. Until then she maintains a strong foundation in her own identity. This is April’s journey. 

Chris lives in Northern California outside of San Francisco. He shares how he selflessly discovered his adopted brother’s birth mother just in time for them to meet. Chris said he was thankful that at least one of the two brothers had completed their search. When Chris told his parents he launched his own search it created animosity between them that they’ve worked hard to get over. After finding a birth mother match through DNA testing, Chris has connected with a loving family that has wondered about him for years. This is Chris’s journey.Recorded on my son, Seth's, 12th birthday, January 16, 2020!

Michelle, from North Hollywood, California, is an Asian American, but her specific heritage is unclear, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever fully know where she comes from. There’s no information about her in the year before her adoption, only a note that says "This baby was found..." Michele describes her feelings about being adopted by Asian parents, her lack of a specific birth date, and her creative outlets that keep her going instead of searching. This is Michelle’s journey.