The Overwhelmed Brain

Have you ever felt alone in your struggles? It's hard to imagine anyone else dealing with the same thing. Yet, there are many. And I receive a lot of messages from people that reinforce that. How does that help you? There might be something bigger at play here. Also, I talk about a message I received from someone who feels very alone in her relationship. Her partner just doesn't seem to want to include her in any future plans he has for himself, and only himself.

I watched a recent Ted Talk with Dr. Judson Brewer who teaches mindfulness to cure addictions. I was surprised to learn that I actually did the process he talks about to cure my addiction to sugar many years ago. I share that story and what you can do to use mindfulness to help you feel better in almost any situation, whether it's a craving or a negative emotion. For the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a woman who is with a man who flirts and texts with another woman. She says there's been no affair, but she still feels cheated on and still cannot trust him, so she lives with fear and suspicion. Does she have to live this way or are there options? sponsor: http://getoutofthemess.com

I got nervous when I was invited to speak on a world record breaking authority summit... but I did it anyway. But why was I nervous? I host a show that thousands listen to every week, so why is it different? When there's no Edit button, things get real. But that's a good thing because when you're absolutely real, even when you're nervous, you end submitting to the person you really are. If you're truly authentic, you have nothing to be nervous about because it's easy to be yourself. It's when you choose to act as if you know more than you know when you get into trouble. I talk about just showing up and giving the best version of yourself in this episode. The second half deals with an email from a woman who was promised a grand, long future with her ex... until he left her and had a baby with someone else. Ouch! We need to talk about this. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com

It's an Ask Paul marathon! First, I'll talk about how bullies love when you react negatively and what to do to squash the energy behind their bullying. This is from a letter from a kid who got bullied in school and was humiliated to the point where he didn't want to go back. Adopting a "who cares?" attitude can be very helpful in situations like this!Second, I talk about someone with an irrational boss. What do you do when your boss is completely crazy? The lizard brain kicks in and you can react like a human, or perhaps what really needs to happen is for you to react like another lizard!In this episode, I also talk about spirituality - something I rarely talk about on this show. When the trauma is too much and you can't get beyond it, maybe spirituality is a factor in healing. After all, when even the worst events in life have a positive meaning of some sort, it can sure help get beyond the pain and other negative feelings. Finally, I discuss enabling and empowerment. This episode is PACKED. Enjoy.

The quest for happiness and staying positive is fraught with sadness and negativity, yet the existence of those things is exactly what it takes to experience the totality of a fulfilling life. You can't always be happy, and you wouldn't even know what happiness is if you didn't have the contrast of sadness. At the same time, if your life is full of hardship and pain, maybe happiness never arrives. Then what? Also, today's Ask Paul, I receive a letter from someone who doesn't believe she knows how to, or even deserves, happiness. Whenever she gets around family, she becomes "small" and is afraid to show them her new and improved self: The one who's had all this personal growth and development. She's afraid to move into that space so she stays the fearful child she always felt around them. Family is the hardest part of personal growth. Learn what it takes to be the real you in front of them in today's show. Get out of the mess by going to getoutofthemess.com - Real attorneys giving you legal advice for $20 a month.

Getting into an abusive relationship is a quick path to a horrible future. Getting into a great relationship however can seem like the best thing that ever happened... unless they cheat, then it feels like an abusive relationship, sometimes. If you decide to stay in a relationship where you know infidelity is happening, are you being abused or are you abusing yourself? There's a mindset that kicks in after the initial shock of finding out about the betrayal, and that mindset sets your toleration level to an all time high, causing you to accept more bad behavior. It's not fun and can beat you down until you are completely broken. I talk about that and other relationships woes today. Today's sponsor: http://getoutofthemess.com

Metaphysical malpractice was a term I was unfamiliar with until a friend of mine mentioned to me how a few metaphysical teachers were incongruent in their teachings. They say and teach one thing, but behave an entirely different way in their personal lives. I have some comments on that I share in today's episode. In Ask Paul, I answer an email from someone who is having trouble keeping her cool at work. How do you deal with disorganized coworkers or supervisors who always have a fire that you need to put out? And what if you put that fire out months ago and they still believe it's lit, so they come to you blaming you for something that A: isn't really a problem now and B: thinks you're to blame (even though they don't realize it isn't actually a problem)? There are steps you can take for sure. In the final segment I talk about what it takes to empower others without really doing much but giving them the choice to make a choice.

Childhood is one of those times that many of us wanted to enjoy, but simply couldn't. Some of us had to suffer because of a dysfunctional upbringing, which caused us to create false beliefs about the world when we turned into adults. These beliefs ruined jobs and relationships, and caused us to question our lives by saying, "Is this all there is? Is this all I have to look forward to for the rest of my life?"Unfortunately, we don't always have the right tools or resources we need to be "functional" after we leave a dysfunctional situation. Mainly because we create beliefs about the world that we think are absolutely true. We bring these "truths" with us as we go through life, then we can't figure out why we keep feeling miserable all the time. This isn't everyone's story, but at one time, it was mine. I share it in this special episode where Alen Standish of innereffort.com interviews me about my past, my relationships, my judgment issues, and what tools I used to get out of the funk I was in for over 35 years of my life. Thanks to innereffort.com and getoutofthemess.com

There's a reason we run into obstacles that stop us from getting what we want in life, and that has to do with what we are aligned with most at a deeper, unconscious level. When we are out of alignment with that, we fall off course and things fall apart. Today I give you a quote, well really a question, to stick on your refrigerator, cubicle wall, bathroom mirror and everywhere else you'll see it so that you stay on course and keep moving along the path on which you are most aligned. In today's Ask Paul segment, I read an email from someone who is disrespected, dismissed and pretty much ignored in her relationship. She's been thinking about divorce, but can't stand the idea of "another failed marriage". One thing I stress to when you don't have a marriage, at least the way it "should" be, then you can't have a "failed marriage" either. The marriage certificate tells the world you're married, but if marriage is being miserable every day... then you're not really married at all. So perhaps it's time to celebrate a successful divorce! Or not - because it's definitely a personal choice that has a number of possible outcomes. Finally, I talk about a neat brain trick where you can have a memory that feels bad, but dissolve or at least greatly diminish the negative emotions connected to it. It doesn't mean you can't learn from it and take those learnings into your future, but you can move forward without having to continue feeling bad about things you can't do anything about. It's not a cure all bad emotion destroyer, but it may just give you enough to not feel so bad about particular events that happened in your life. Today's episode is brought to you by Asha with getoutofthemess.com

Henrik Ibsen said that "Home life ceases to be free and beautiful as soon as it is founded on borrowing and debt." When I was in my first long-term relationship, I wanted to get married, and fortunately, so did she! However, I said we'll get married as soon as we're both out of debt. The next 6 years of being engaged and not being married really made it clear what my priorities were in love, money and life. We never did get married, and soon we were split. Fast forward a few years and I make the same commitment to another woman. This time, we did it, we got out of debt! In fact, the day we got married, we were debt free. AND... we were also flat broke. We had nothing left. We lost our jobs, our apartment, our savings... all gone. And we ended up having to be a part of the welfare system while being sheltered by loving family. BUT... we were out of debt!I guess you have to be careful what you wish for, and be very specific what you mean!We got married the day we were broke. A friend got us a hotel room, and we enjoyed two days of "honeymoon". Henrik has a point. During my first relationship, we were in debt. During my second relationship, we were completely out of debt, and broke. In both relationships, there was financial trouble and it affected us. So what's the secret? Can there be success in a relationship when there are money issues?Yes and...Any and all problems will be amplified because of other problems. That's true with anything. When you have one problem, other problems tend to get amplified because one problem isn't resolved. And problems tend to compound. You might wonder why your partner brings things up from the past. It's because those things are still somehow unresolved - and the problems of today compound those original problems. What's the solution? For me, it was to get single, regroup, and re-order my priorities in life so I didn't bring my dysfunctions into the next relationship. I had money dysfunctions, so I needed to own those and change those without involving anyone else. In the past, we took it on together. But now I realize I need to fix myself before I can do anything about "us". That's the trick. If you're in a relationship, and you have challenges, then prioritize what needs to be tackled first (the biggest problem) and resolve that. Once you get some relief from one problem, your mind can be a bit more clear for the next one. Now, my challenges are mine, and hers are hers. YES we help each other and YES we work together when possible, but at the end of the day, I know I have my own stuff to work on, and it expands who I am when I'm able to really dig into myself and address what's happening inside me. We can come together and we can ask for help, but we also know that we, as individuals still have to do our own internal work. This is an empowered place to be. It's not a reliance on someone else, it's an alliance with someone else to agree to be there as much as you can for the other person, but returning to yourself to continue learning, growing and evolving to be the best "you" you can be for the other person. I still work on this daily. I talk about this on today's episode, and I also share a letter from someone with $200,000 in debt. Hmm, someone who's had money challenges talking about someone who has money challenges... is this going to work? ;)Let's find out! Free month of audible!

If you're a "yes person", you find yourself saying "Yes" to others. However, what you're really doing is saying "No" to yourself. Doing this causes you to reach burn out after a number of years. You get jaded by friends and family taking advantage of your "generosity", all because you're too nice to say no. There's a way out of this, and it will take baby steps, but it's time to gain some empowerment and start saying "Yes" to yourself. In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a woman who starts to feel fear when talking to people, whether that's because she feels stupid or like she's being judged. No matter what causes it, I talk about a couple of approaches that take the fear out of the equation. Finally, I change things up and talk about animals and emotions. In my opinion, there is absolutely emotions in animals - it's a non-issue, but no matter what you believe, this segment explains my experience with the subject and how I can tell emotions are at play and not just animal instinct. Episode brought to you by getoutofthemess.com

There are jerks in our lives, at least that's what we tend to call them sometimes, that just never stop getting on our nerves. We hope they act differently, but they never change their ways. Is there anything we can do? Well, we can open our hearts and see what happens. Scary thought! And why would we want to open our hearts to someone who acts so badly toward us? Find out in this episode. Also, in the Ask Paul segment, I read a message from someone who is in a long-distance relationship and isn't sure what to do since it will be three years until they can be together. What would you do? Would you wait? Could you? Finally, what's your contingency plan in case of a break-up or divorce? Do you have one? I'm not talking about your heart. I'm talking about your finances mostly. Some people are left with nothing after a break-up because they believe that what they had would never end. The truth is hard to face that it is possible that what you have could end, so maybe it's a good idea to take care of yourself at least a little bit in the relationship too - that way if it all goes down, you won't have so many pieces to pick up and put back together.

How can you live with chronic pain? How do you get through the suffering? Is there a path to freedom or is it a never-ending event that will plague you for the rest of your life? Also, in the Ask Paul segment, I receive a letter from a gay man in his 40s suffering from a deep depression who cannot get a good night's sleep and hasn't "come out" to show the world the way he truly wants to live and what he really wants to say. Chronic physical pain is part 1 and chronic emotional pain is part 2. Episode bought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Actual attorneys for less than a dollar a day.

We all have a snapping snapping point and it can change our world when it happens. I remember the first time I stood up for myself. I was 10. We had just finished wrestling, as boys tend to do, and I was done... but he wasn't. I sat at the table, tired and really not interested in wrestling anymore. And he kept saying, "Come on, let's wrestle some more." I was like, "Nope, I'm done. Too tired, don't want to anymore." "Come on, let's wrestle again!" "No. I don't want to." "Come on!" (play slaps my face) "No... I'm done!" "Let's go, let's just wrestle a little more!" I don't know where it came from, but my hand turned into a fist, and my body twisted while my arm swung towards his face. My fist connected with his jaw, and he went to the ground holding his mouth. I sat down calmly and spoke softly, "I told you, I don't want to wrestle anymore." He eventually got up (seemed like 5 minutes, but it was probably like 20 seconds or something - who knows!) and went home. Up until that time, I had been a real pushover. That "friend" was actually a bully that forced me to be his friend mainly because I didn't know how to say no. There's only so long you can be forced to do something you don't want to do until you snap. That buildup had been going on for over a year or more, and I'd had enough of his bullying. Wow, that felt good. The next day, he apologized and said he and his mom were going to get Chinese food and asked if I wanted to go with them. Honestly, I didn't want anything to do with him ever again. I hated him. But I felt my old ways kicking in and said "yes" as I always did, and we started hanging out again after that. Those years, where I HAD to be his friend, were quite grueling for me. You'd think once I snapped and knocked him down, I'd have this sense of empowerment and self-confidence. And for that brief moment, I did! But I let my old personality return and I was back where I started in no time. I never got to experience that snapping point again until I was well into my 30s. But that time, I didn't have to punch anyone - I just had to realize that I WAS IMPORTANT. I am important enough to honor and respect AND protect from things I don't want in my life. The event that took place is another story for another time, but when this realization occurred and I honored myself for the first time in decades, I was old and wise enough to make it stick this time and from now on. At that moment, I thought something to the effect of, "I will always honor myself even if the consequences may be unpleasant." Of course, I would pick and choose situations to do that, but it was a new way of being... a new philosophy by which to live. Do YOU honor yourself when there's a chance it could lead to unpleasant circumstances? Or do you hold back and let people walk all over you so your're honoring THEIR boundaries over yours? If you've spent a lifetime honoring other people's boundaries at the cost of violating your own (like I have), then maybe it's time to treat yourself as your own best friend. A best friend will guide you and stand up for you. They will be there when you need them. When you can be your own best friend, you will change your world. Your best friend will help you keep your dignity and live authentically. Your best friend will keep you from reaching that "snapping" point where you can't take anymore, because you will have already taken care of yourself. That's what I want for you. I also answer a letter from a woman who finds herself not really feeling compassionate towards people's petty problems. Get a law firm for $20 a month: http://getoutofthemess.com

Brene Brown said it so eloquently: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."Many years ago, I remember having to disappoint my bosses during my one year anniversary. They brought me in for my evaluation, gave me a promotion, praised me for the amazing work I'd been doing over the past year, were excited about where I was going in the company, and gave me the tiniest raise I'd ever been given in my life. I was like... "Wow... Thank you?"That's what I thought in my head. But what I SAID was, "I'm rather disappointed. I thought I'd be getting a lot more money. With all the weekends I put in, all the projects I took on, and all the time I've spent helping out everyone I can, I really expected a lot more."They were like, "Oh..." The look on their faces went from excitement to confusion, and the moment got awkward. Then I said, "I really have to think about my future here. Don't worry, I'm not quitting, but I do need to think about things."And that was how I thanked them for their praise and generosity. It may have seemed ungrateful, with so many people unemployed at the time, but what was most important to me was that I valued myself enough to stand up for myself. I valued "me" enough to speak my mind, politely of course, but I honored myself that day and it felt pretty damn good. 3 months later, I left that position and started a coaching business. My life's never been the same. I believe in standing up for yourself when you know it's the right thing, and accepting the consequences of doing just that. Not many people are willing to accept getting fired or getting dumped or whatever the consequences are, but when you live and express your truth, your true path is revealed. The hard part is accepting that there will be a hard part!I talk about that on today's episode. Also, I read two letters: One from a woman who wants to know how to honor her boundaries without getting so much resistance, AND a really great letter from someone who calls me out! She thinks I have some sort of pathology and may need therapy. Is she right? Let's find out! Attorneys for $20 a month http://getoutofthemess.com/

So much of our emotional pain that doesn't get expressed can turn into actual physical ailments that won't go away until those emotions are expressed and released. Sometimes the damage can be permanent and we'll need to seek medical attention, and other times the healing starts right away. One thing for sure, you start healing when you start expressing. In today's Ask Paul segment, a woman is still holding on to emotional pain from being cheated on. Can she forgive and move on while being married to someone who really does appear to have changed, or is she doomed to feel terrible for the rest of their marriage because she can't get over it. Finally, I read a story of giving called The Gift of the Magi. It's a unique episode and one I know you'll enjoy. Happy holidays! Today's sponsor: Get legal insurance for less than a dollar a day! http://getoutofthemess.com

With bombings, shootings and other terrorism going on, how can you find peace and see the world as a better place. The news sensationalizes the bad but never glorifies the good. It's okay to feel okay, and I'll tell you why in this episode. Also, I receive a listener email that talks about wanting to save her relationship after a big move. She moved away, then he moved down to be with her, then things fell apart from there. Finally, I talk about how our internal emotional energy can be expressed through our voice inflection and body movement - strange but true (well, my opinion). visit getoutofthemess.com for legal services for less than a dollar a day!

What do you say when someone tells you they want to commit suicide? Do you rush them to the police hoping that they will help them? Do you sit with them and really listen to what they're saying so that they know they are being heard and not pushed on to someone else? Is there a real answer? Is there a right answer? So many people consider it, and so few people talk about it. I received a letter from a 14 year old who wrote that she wanted to die and she's ready to go soon. We take on so much throughout our life, and suicidal thoughts can certainly creep up from time to time. Is there a resolve to this? This is a special episode that deals with someone who feels at the end of their rope. I focus on this 14 year old's letter who chose to stay anonymous, but my talk today could apply to any one of us that has ever considered this path. If you are considering suicide, then at least tell someone about it. Call the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 and make sure you get their perspective. If you're really on the verge, then what's it going to hurt to just tell a stranger on the other end of the line? You are worthy, and I value you. Stay alive - you are a gift to this planet. Sometimes people don't see you the way you really are because they are wrapped up in their own stuff. But I know you're a gift, and I want you to stay here spreading the gift of you around. If those near you can't see that, then you're hanging with the wrong crowd.

How bad can your panic and anxiety get? I had one panic attack in my life and it was at that moment a part of me died, opening up a new way of being. Nothing like panicking in the desert, having no money, a broken car, and losing the car and everything in it to set off an anxiety attack. The worst possible scenario was unfolding and I had to either accept and live with the consequences, or not accept what was happening and continue resisting what was absolutely unavoidable. When I finally panicked to the point where I felt like dying, I was able to release the resistance. I let go of thinking I had a choice, and suddenly choices didn't matter. I just accepted. And acceptance brought me peace. Do you resist or accept? Can you accept the worst possible thing that could happen? If you can... you'll be free. Sounds like a fun topic - I talk about that today!

There's a parable that reminds us that there are two wolves inside us all. One is evil (anger, jealousy, greed and resentment). The other is good (joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and bravery). The question is, which one wins? At least, that's what Eric Zimmer of The One You Feed podcast likes to ask his guests on every episode of his show. I brought Eric on today to talk about his show and his past struggles with drug addiction, alcoholism and depression (not necessarily in that order) and what he did to move through that and into a better place in himself. We also get into his take on Positive thinking, law of attraction, and affirmations (which you know tend to annoy me). I also talk about depression and beliefs after the interview, and how one belief can empower you and the other can take it away. Finally, I close the show talking about a practice in gratitude. Today's episode is brought to you by: getoutofthemess.com

Bad habits can be hard to change or moderate, but there are small steps you can take to make it easier to change a bad habit into a good one, or at least, a little less "bad". Also, I received an email with a heartwarming story of inspiration where someone finally realized she had a choice - and she made that choice! It was empowering and needs to be heard by anyone who feels there's no hope for them. Finally, I talk about Jared Fogle, the former Subway spokesperson who is now being charged with possession of child pornography and sex with minors. Once a hero to many, now a symbol of shame. Visit getoutofthemess.com for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month

Our emotions are attached to our memories. Our memories are attached to people and stuff. It's that stuff that we hold on to that sometimes makes us feel bad, so why do we still have it in our lives? Pictures are a great example of this. Why keep pictures that make you feel bad? Also, in any relationship, the role of masculine is typically played by one person and the role of feminine is played by the other. The problem occurs when one person likes the role they're in and the other doesn't. Knowing your role and what best works for the relationship will create a harmonious get together as opposed to one of conflict. Finally, I talk a bit about detaching from your emotions. Being emotionally detached can make your partner think that you don't love them... one of the worst feelings in the world.

Stepping out of the details so that you can see a bigger picture is one of the best ways to end an argument. When you "chunk up" into a broader perspective instead of staying "chunked down" and embroiled in the details, you're able to step out of all the negative emotional energy about the situation. For the Ask Paul segment, a listener who just graduated college wrote and asked about honoring his personal boundaries with his parents and how to get along with a family member who doesn't seem to like him. The final segment, "What's In The Box?" is where we talk about what it really means to "create the life you want"

Your self-worth starts when you interpret what your parents or caretakers think about you. If you interpret that they don't value you, you don't value yourself. As the years go by, your self-esteem builds from your level of self-worth. If you have low self-worth as a child, you have low self-esteem as an adult. It's time to rebuild both so that you don't have so much fear and insecurity in your life. Also, I read an email from a listener who is struggling between being a child and an adult in different situations. It's constantly stressing him out and he can't seem to step into that adult role when needed. Sponsored by getoutofthemess.com

Self compassion is what you have for yourself when you stop being overly giving. And fearing happiness is another issue I talk about after receiving an email from someone who seems to have the perfect life. These two subjects go hand in hand, and really come down to a way of honoring yourself like you've never done before.

Is fate what we make or what we create? I talk about a quote from Carl Jung on this very topic. Today's listener email has to do with being caught in a lie with family, and what to do in the aftermath. News and you is about how we can spot fake or forced laughter, and what we can do with this skill. And finally, I talk a very dysfunctional family member who's trying to worm his way back into my family's lives, but his having a heck of a time getting any cooperation. Today's sponsor is Asha at getoutofthemess.com. For incredibly affordable legal insurance, I trust Asha to steer you right.

Divorce is no fun to begin with, but when it's dragged out for months or even years, it can be brutal. The stress and anxiety of the next thing and the next thing can feel neverending, and sometimes you have to take things on by yourself. Today I read an email from a listener going through a long, messy divorce with someone who cheated on her. She is depressed, defeated, and has no passion for life anymore. Where do you go? What do you do? Can you afford to defend yourself even if you can barely afford to live? Is there a way out? Let's find out.

When change happens, do you grow with it or suffer hoping it goes away? Growing through the changes helps you move out of stagnation and stop repeating old behaviors. Also, I talk about death and acceptance today too, and how accepting that death is a part of life, and letting the emotions come up, whatever they are, will help start the healing process.

Forgiveness is not about other people, it's about you. When you can learn to forgive yourself, even when you aren't the one to blame, you let go of the negative emotions so that you can take the learnings into your future. Also, I talk about John Gibson, the pastor who committed suicide after hackers revealed millions of user names and detailed information about the users from the Ashley Madison infidelity and cheating site. Proud member of the Healing Broadcast Network http://healingbroadcastnetwork.com/

If you find yourself overwhelmed, stressed, or completely out of control in your life, then these two episodes will have you examining what you might be doing to create the chaos. Most of the time, we overextend ourselves and actually have a choice if that's going to happen or not.

If you're overwhelmed or simply have no more time in your schedule, then you are probably a highly overextended person. Today I talk about the habits that highly overextended people have and how you can avoid being overextended yourself. This is part 1 of a 2 part episode. http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

When it comes to visiting family, who you are can sometimes regress into the child they remember you as instead of the fully capable adult that you are now. How do you know this is happening? When you're afraid to be yourself around them, it's happening.

When you were a child, whatever fear came up, you figured out a way to survive the moment. These survival skills were very handy in adolescence simply because they worked to keep us alive! Sure, we probably weren't going to die, but it felt like it! Then, years later we became adults (well, some of us did ;) ), and soon we were put into situations that caused similar fears and once again, that old survival mentality kicked back in. Our brains went, "Oh yeah, I know how to get through this! I learned it as a child, this is an easy one. I'll just... (fill in the blank)." We took the belief system we developed as children into our adult world and suddenly we feel stress and pain and hurt, and all kinds of things we didn't expect. That's because we stuck to the old system of beliefs we created as children. And these beliefs are deep, so it's no wonder we rarely question what we believe. But, isn't it time to do just that? Especially if the results you are getting in life simply aren't what you expected them to be? Sounds like a trip to the subconscious mind is in store today! Get a free month to 100s of guitar tutorial videos! Today's sponsor is offering this amazing deal: http://levelsforguitar.com/brain/

What's missing in your life? I honestly don't know, but I bet you do. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you've been asking the wrong question all this time. "What's missing?" isn't the question you should be asking. The real question is What's present in your life that's preventing you from getting what's missing in your life? Odd wording, right? But that's just it: The way we phrase our questions dictates how we think about everything. And if you can change the way you think, you can change your results. When you don't know what's missing, then you don't know what to focus on to get it anyway, so maybe it's time to change the questions you ask yourself. What's missing? No... What's in your life that, if it were missing, would help you get what you need to fulfill your life? Language changes your thought process. The question is weird, but in order to understand it, you need to reach a little deeper than you normally would. You know what happens when you do that? You access your innermost resources that will help you come up with a solution. Great episode on using language in a different way to change how you think. Support our sponsor! Get a month of free guitar lessons. http://levelsforguitar.com/brain

Resistance to your problems is very similar to denial. Both delay closure, and both create suffering. However, resistance creates denial, after all, you wouldn't want to suffer any more than you are so you resist facing your issue and coming to a hard decision. Regardless if the problem goes away or not, there is a way to end the suffering typically involved with problems. And that's what today's episode is all about.

A satisfying, loving relationship doesn't have to be hard, but there are components that need to be included in this type of relationship in order for things to work out well. This is part 2 of a 2-part episode where we talk about the last 5 components. If you're still not satisfied with your relationships after listening to part 1, then this episode should wrap things up quite nicely.

There are probably hundreds of components that make up a great relationship, but I'm going to address some of the ones that make the biggest difference. Whether a friendship, family, or intimate partner, when you adopt and include these components in your relationships, they will improve. But, just like I mention in the show, things go a lot better when the other people in your relationships also include them too. When it's one sided, it doesn't go too far. But when it works, it can be completely satisfying and enjoyable. http://levelsforguitar.com/brain

How many times in your life has something happened that was so hard to believe, that it actually hurt to believe it? You know what I mean... it's that truth you don't want to hear. It's like the people who can't believe the holocaust happened because it was just so atrocious. Or, like the email I got from a woman who found out her husband is cheating on her. It's very hard to accept a truth that hurts us, but if we don't, we systematically destroy ourselves. Denial is the topic for the day.

When you suffer from perfectionism based in fear, you become more and more miserable as time goes on. In fact, the more perfect and controlling you are, the more disappointed with life you get. Does it make sense to be perfect? Is it actually more destructive than helpful? Many times yes. There is a healthy perfectionism and an unhealthy one. The question is: Are you suffering or evolving? How you answer says it all. If you're a perfectionist and are suffering because of it, today's episode is for you.

There's no escaping the sometimes hard to deal with arguments, tension and turmoil that can go on in a relationship. I received an email on this topic, and I cover everything from personal boundaries to irrational people. Whether you're in a relationship or not, you're sure to get something from today's show.

How you show up for life is how your life turns out. So many people think they are a victim of circumstances, but when they connect the dots in reverse, they can the decisions and actions that led to their place in life now. How do you show up for anything? Do you wear a mask to show people someone you’re not? Let’s dive into this topic and figure out if authenticity is the key and showing up on day one as “yourself” is your best option.

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and have all kinds of mannerisms that different people give different names for. In my opinion, anytime someone wants you to feel bad or forces you to do something against your will, it is bullying. I recently realized that I was a bully in my marriage. This led to some interesting insights I share in this episode. That, along with learning about how the typical bully ticks (and some things you can do to avoid being a victim of bullying) is what I talk about today.

Are you more important than your "stuff"? I hope you think so, because I know you are. However, when you value stuff a little too much, you tend to stress and get concerned about what will happen to you if your stuff gets damaged or disappears. Today's episode isn't necessarily about stuff, but I do talk about breakthroughs and one way they can happen to you. Stuff comes into play, I promise. I also change the subject and go into a talk on assumptions, and how they can shape our reality if we're not careful. (And how someone's assumption about my intentions on the show did shape their reality when they left a critical review for me in iTunes.) Fun "stuff", huh?

Expressing the deep, negative emotions that you've been holding onto from your past should lead to a release of the emotional energy behind them, and free you from the burden of holding onto the pain. However, sometimes what you express, vent or release isn't all of it, and you need to dig a little deeper to get to the real pain that's keeping you from moving on. Today we talk about how to get to that deeper pain.

I hate setting goals, so I had to figure out how I could get what I want in life without following the standard goal-setting steps we're always taught. Just writing down a goal makes me cringe, but why? Well, I'm not very highly organized and full of energy, so I think that's half of it. Today I share how to set goals when you hate setting goals. It's a slap in the face to typical goal-setting advice, but that's what typically happens on this show anyway.

Unfortunately, the more we grow and evolve, the more others who aren't ready to do the same will want us to stay the same. If you're around friends and family who just can't seem to get on board with you getting healthier, what do you do? Do you just pretend to be the same old person you always were around them just to keep them happy? Or do you embrace this new you and leave it up to them to get used to the new you? Important questions, especially since we all know at least one person that probably doesn't support our evolution. Is there an easy path where everyone can get along magically? Nope. But there is a path, and that's what I'll be talking about today. Today's special mention: If you shop on Amazon, it supports the show! Simply drag the Amazon button to the right to your computer's desktop, then use it every time you shop. Doing so, Amazon sends a small percentage of every purchase to help support the show.

With so many paths to a destination that seems impossible to reach, it's hard to believe we can ever get there at all! I'm referring to peace, of course. Attaining a peaceful mind during a chaotic moment can be an exercise in futility, but is there any reason you can't attain peace between the chaotic moments in life? I think we think too much between those moments, and it's time to access a less stressful space so that we can at least connect with ourselves before the next big crisis hits. Time to learn some simple realizations of a peaceful mind so that we can let go of stress once in a while

I tackle the question on finding purpose and meaning in life when you aren't experiencing joy and happiness. Inspired by a message from a listener who is in a pretty dark place. He asked, "What's the point?" There is purpose in life, and it's found in every moment.

When so many spiritual teachers and personal growth gurus are telling us to let go of our egos, I come along and tell you to build it up! I don't disagree that letting go of ego is a fantastic place to be, but after having experienced it for a few months, I was ready to regain my ego and rebuild it in a way that served me and others around me best. It's time to visit the ego and figure out how to build and evolve it so that it releases our fears, insecurities and anxieties. Who knows, maybe you just need to inflate your ego a bit to create the peace and ease you want in your life! Today's special mention: The Art of Work. It's a book that's been called a "proven path to discovering what you were meant to do." It's free - get it here!

Relationships end, unfortunately. But sometimes what you think is the hardest part (the breakup) turns out to be tame compared to what follows. Your ex may not want it to end so they do things that make you uncomfortable. Or, the one you "dumped" is still friends with your friends and family, so the ties are harder to break and the distance harder to attain. What do you do when this kind of stuff happens? I address a couple of emails asking these very questions on today's episode. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Quality attorneys for about $20 a month!