The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle

Neglect and abandonment in childhood can leave you with "crossed wires" -- when someone you love mistreats you, you may feel the uncontrollable urge to make them happy -- to make them love you, even if it means abandoning yourself. In this "best of" compilation, I share four of my most popular videos on the subject of CLINGING in relationships. Do you have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: Free Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3X9MZ7J Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

If you grew up emotionally neglected, it takes strength to end a breadcrumb relationship. That’s when you’re with someone who gives you JUST enough communication and affection to keep you hooked into them – and nothing more. Ending that kind of relationship is a no brainer when you’re working to transform your life. But what about when you’re in a crisis? Should you take any love you can get, or risk losing the only bits of support you’ve got, right when you need people the most? Try the FREE Daily Practice Course - to tolerate the pain, and handle closeness with mom: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

It takes strength to end a breadcrumb relationship – that’s when you’re with someone who gives you JUST enough communication and affection to keep you hooked into them – and nothing more. Ending that kind of relationship is a no brainer when you’re working to transform your life. But what about when you’re in a crisis? In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is trying to decide if she should take any love she can get, or risk losing the only bits of support she's received from someone who is *maybe* in her life. Do You Struggle to Connect with People?: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3LcjDD8 Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

There’s a CORE symptom of trauma that most people don’t know about. It’s very strong and can limit your whole life. It’s not only associated with trauma. But it’s almost universal in people who were traumatized as children, and it drives virtually every other trauma symptom. Until you’ve learned to identify and heal it, it’s hard to change the other symptoms. In this video I teach the basics of neurological dysregulation -- what it is, what it feels like, and what you can do to re-regulate your emotions and nervous system. Learn Quick Measures to Get Re-Regulated: Download Free PDF: https://bit.ly/3YBrIVg Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Many people with Childhood PTSD have tried countless treatments for trauma and still haven't found what worked. Could therapy be right for you? That may depend on WHO you choose to help you -- the wrong therapist could send you off course. But how do you know what to look for? And is talk therapy always the right choice for people who were abused and neglected? My Online Course "Healing Childhood PTSD": Download Free PDF: http://bit.ly/3k6gQQH Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Some people are insecure and anxious in relationships - this is a style of attachment where you constantly seek validation and love because you can’t stop fearing the person will leave. Some people have a more avoidant attachment style: They don’t like commitment, they can seem cold, and they can be quick to leave relationships as soon as it gets uncomfortable. But the hardest attachment style of all – where a person is both fearful AND avoidant – what is called “disorganized attachment." In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who swings between her intense longing for love and then shutting down and pulling away. Try the FREE Daily Practice Course. Download Free PDF: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

It's easy, when you grew up with trauma, to go unconscious in relationships. Even though you feel like things are fine and you tell everyone things are fine – a big part of you has left the building. There are a number of reasons this happens – but it’s usually a mix of abuse or neglect from the past – where you taught yourself to DENY that you’re unsafe – and a fear of facing reality in PRESENT time because you’re terrified of how you will ever live if the relationship ends. My letter today is from a man I’ll call Chris, and he writes: Self-Defeating Behavior: Free PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3mmvYdA Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

If you grew up emotionally neglected, your parents may not have helped you develop a strong sense of self. If they didn't "get" who you were, and they didn't offer validation, you may find yourself confused about the sense of disconnection you feel around other people. Is it a trauma symptom? Are you around the "wrong" people? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who finds herself feeling disconnected from the people who have ended up in her life, but she's not sure why. Friendship Skills: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3WS0475 Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

People who grew up poor want the same good things in life as anyone else, but if you grew up with parents who were dysfunctional or neglectful, you may not have been shown how a person can use their talents to earn a decent living. Left to figure out everything by yourself, you may have ended up with poverty thinking, hoping a lottery ticket or lawsuit would finally take away the financial strain in your life, instead of learning skills and meeting people who might help you find fulfilling work that supports you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has reached for a better life for years, but now feels stuck with children and a job that keeps her from the work she loves. Heal Trauma in Just One Year?: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Isolating is an almost universal symptom of PTSD from childhood – or for anyone with wounds from trauma. There’s what it looks like from the outside. But the real reason you silate may not be becuase you want to be alone; chances are, you long for love and connection, and to belong in a community of friends. Find out in this video the REAL reason why traumatized people tend to hold themselves apart from others. Do You Struggle to Connect with People?: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3LcjDD8 Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

When you first start healing CPTSD, simply feeling a little better seems like the most you could ever hope for. You DO need to feel better, but you were meant for SO much more. In this four-video compilation I share some of my best content about discovering your gifts and stepping up into your true purpose in life. Heal Trauma in Just One Year?: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

One of the worst wounds a parent can inflict on a child is to not recognize them as distinct person -- not caring about their unique needs and their strengths, and not helping them to recognize these in themselves. If you were neglected in this way, one way it can show up is as "romantic clutter" -- a tendency to form partial relationships with people you half-love, who only partially love you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has CPTSD, and for whom the pattern continues. Prepare for a GREAT Relationship: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/43SH8aV Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

If you were neglected as a child, you may still be acting on a belief that if you could only be nice enough, your parents would have transformed into the loving, caring adults you needed. This coping mechanism helps many kids who had trauma to survive, but now that you're an adult, you may still be suppressing your real self in hopes you can make the people you date love you and stay with you. Has it worked? In this video I respond to a woman who keeps getting rejected, despite her best efforts to be helpful and "nice" to her partners. Dating Quiz: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3EUy8Yh Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

We are living through upside-down times. People who used to be friends attack each other over opinions they can barely express. Where we once had unity, we face division. It’s hard to know what you can trust, or whom to believe. In times like this, we are called to be the BEST people we can be -- but how? A powerful exercise you can do is to consider what you are avoiding. In this video I name common strengths that we are all tempted to avoid -- and how to embrace them so we can help others to heal and belong. Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

When we talk about childhood trauma, so much of the focus goes onto the past -- what happened, and who did it. This is important, but healing can't really take place until you learn to focus on -- and CALM -- present day symptoms and solve the life problems that are so common for people with CPTSD. In this "best of the Fairy" compilation, I share four of my most popular videos detailing strategies you can use to heal symptoms and transform your life.  Heal Trauma in Just One Year? FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx  Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Something beautiful about people is that we are designed to delight in others – to connect and bond with them, and sometimes, to fall in love and give our whole heart. CPTSD can distort that natural process of finding someone to love, and mislead you into attaching to people who cannot love you back. If you have trauma-driven boundary problems, they are happy enough to take advantage and leave when they are done. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who feels ripped off and heartbroken, but is ready to learn how to change his dating pattern so that he can find real love. The Signs of Limerence. FREE Pdf Download: https://bit.ly/3PbqblT Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Learning to love a partner is a huge and happy accomplishment for those of us who lived through abuse and neglect in childhood. Trauma wounds don't end in childhood; early abuse and neglect can leave us with trauma-driven behaviors that re-traumatize us and prevent healing. It can take time to release old patterns and change your life. In this video I respond to a woman with a harsh past who now struggles to find peace in her relationship, even though she is loved and supportive. Ten Signs Your Trauma Is Healing: https://bit.ly/3raZghI Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

If you had childhood trauma and you’re still relying on conventional approaches to heal, you may still be suffering with symptoms and losing hope that healing can happen. Talking about your traumatic experiences may NOT be the best way to heal from what happened to you in childhood. In fact it can activate neural circuits related to the *stress response* – that make it harder to think, harder to focus and next to impossible to process your emotions! But there's a better way. In this video I talk about 30 years of research that shows that writing about traumatic experiences has powerful healing effects. I highlight the recent podcast from Andrew Huberman @hubermanlab, summarizing the work of Dr. James Pennebaker (and subsequent peer-reviewed studies based on his work). Next Up: Learn My Daily Practice Techniques here: http://bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice You can listen to the @hubermanlab post "A Science Supported Journaling Protocol to Improve Mental & Physical Health" here: https://youtu.be/wAZn9dF3XTo?si=07-48lub-y-V6iE8 You can learn about Dr. Pennebaker and his work here: https://bit.ly/47CZ7ng Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Some people can't focus on anyone but themselves. But others can't focus on themselves and instead become entirely focused on another person's problems -- their feelings, their shortcomings, and how unhappy they make you. This is codependency -- when you lose perspective on your own life and your own needs, and "implant" your will into someone else. Codependents are hooked on the belief that if the other person would only change, they would be happy. instead, they end up tired, resentful and isolated. In this four-video "Best of the Fairy" compilation, I share tips for how to recognize codependent tendencies in yourself and others, and what to do to heal. Signs You''re in a Codependent Relationship: https://bit.ly/3pwt5c6 Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

A true friend is someone who cares about you, and is interested in you, and supports what is best for you. They don’t get to tell you what to do, they don’t get to mercilessly criticize you, and they don’t get to use you as an emotional dumping ground and demand that you keep listening. If you have CPTSD, you may find you’re often on the receiving end of that, and you think you’re obliged to be support people who are doing things that morally abhorrent to you. But this is NOT what friendship is. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman whose problem friend demands that she keep listening -- and that she not "judge" her terrible behavior. Difficult People in Your Life? Try These NINJA BOUNDARIES: https://bit.ly/3YCnpZJ Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

If you grew up without the attention and love of good parents, you may find yourself with symptoms of Complex-PTSD. One of the worst symptoms is an attraction to people who can’t give you attention or love. You see the red flags, but you become attached anyway. Until you've healed that attachment wound, you may find yourself getting your heart broken again and again. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who found out early in a dating relationship that his partner was not available, but couldn't stop attaching. Heal trauma-driven patterns and find real love at last. DATING & RELATIONSHIPS COURSE http://bit.ly/3IBbrv7 Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

If you’re living with trauma-related symptoms from abuse and neglect in childhood, you’ve had to work extra hard for things in life that come more easily to other people. Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is a type of PTSD that comes from chronic, intense stress, usually (but not always) in childhood. You might already know you have it, and you might be working hard to heal it. But if you’re like many people with CPTSD, your healing feels stuck, and you're afraid you your life may never get better. In this video I lay out ten steps you can take to accelerate your healing. Everything gets better when you find an approach to healing that works for you! Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

For people who grew up with abuse and neglect – it’s a HUGE DAY when you finally break free of that family of origin. You actually have a barrier up against their ability to keep hurting you. You're safe, and only way they can get into your life again is when you CHOOSE to connect with them. But there’s this one huge complication, and it’s when there are other family members – especially minor children – who are still stuck in that house, and still going through what YOU used to go through. In this video I respond to a letter from a young woman who's torn between getting her own life stable, and saving her younger siblings from trauma. Here's My FREE WORKSHEET for Planning Your Life Priorities: https://bit.ly/3J3kYcH Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

When you weren’t loved properly as a child, it’s very, very common to become romantically involved in “complicated” relationships – where YOU’RE longing for something monogamous and committed and THEY’RE just jerking you around. With parents who were self-centered or who put you down, it’s no wonder you developed the ability to see great potential in people who are basically broken. The brutal truth is that every day you spend pouring your energy and your love into someone who can’t really DO a relationship with you, you’re blocking the possibility of real love coming into your life. How can you tell if someone is worth “working with” through tough times, and when you’re wasting your time? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose boyfriend is dragging her along through a lingering attachment to his ex. DATING RED FLAGS: Get My FREE Download Here: https://bit.ly/4203ozk Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Bad things happen in everyone's life. For some of us, a history of abuse and neglect in childhood produces common, trauma-driven symptoms that hold us back. Even if you've endured trauma and tragedy, it's possible to heal the past, calm the symptoms and build the happy, functional, love-filled life you deserve. In this "best of" compilation, I teach about practical steps you can take to start solving problems and feeling happier today. Eleven Strategies to Feel Happier Today, FREE DOWNLOAD: https://bit.ly/3SwljsV Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

If you grew up neglected or abandoned, it's very likely you developed an attachment wound, and this can drive you into relationships with people who aren’t available, aren’t good to you, and aren't necessarily someone you even LIKE! One way that people with Childhood PTSD are affected by this is through long-distance relationships that don't fulfill their need for companionship and love. My letter today is from a woman whose attachment wounds drove her to rush into relationships with someone she doesn't know well; her fear of being alone keeps her clinging to someone far away who is rarely interested in her. Hear my advice to stop the pattern and change her life. Is Past Trauma Affecting Your Dating Life? Take the QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3EUy8Yh Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

Being STUCK means you know you’re in a bad place, but you don’t have the power to do anything about it. Most people get stuck sometimes, but those who were abused or neglected in childhood have extra susceptibility to staying in bad jobs and harmful relationships. It may be driven by financial insecurity, health problems, shame, fear of being alone, low self-esteem, or the freeze response. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who KNOWS she's in a bad situation but struggles to take action and change her life. Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: LEARN MORE: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

The long-term effects of trauma on virtually every aspect of health has been well known for more than 20 years. But still, few clinical professionals understand the broad effects of trauma or which treatments have been shown to be effective. The result includes lack of appropriate treatment, missed diagnoses, innaccurate diagnoses, and shaming of people with a clear pattern of symptoms by clinicians see only their own assumptions about their patients. I provide tools to help educate your doctor so that you can be understood and receive appropriate care. 12 Things I Wish My Doctor Understood About CPTSD: FREE DOWNLOAD: https://bit.ly/3YKXcs8 Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

Many of us who grew up in dysfunctional families struggle to recognize or create boundaries that work. You may be fed up with people who ignore your stated boundaries, or you fear setting any boundaries at all, fearing people will find you controlling, and avoid you. In this "best of" compilation I teach about what a boundary is, how bounadaries can be confused with controlling others, or avoiding discomfort, and why setting healthy boundaries sets you free to enjoy your relationships. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

When you date a Love Addict, YOU become their drug. At first they can make you feel like the most special, beautiful person, and all the pain and loneliness in your life was for a reason, because NOW, finally, you real true love has come along. Love addicts LOVE the feeling of being that for you. But they can't sustain it, and that's why dating them is such a roller coaster of highs when they love you, and lows when they totally disappear. The horrible thing about love addiction is that is spreads -- now YOU are the one who can't think of anything else. My letter today is from a woman whose life is now falling apart because she's hooked on a love addict. 10 Things Romantic Manipulators Say. FREE Download: https://bit.ly/3ZcUnkm Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

When your parents didn’t love you properly, the feeling of falling in love is often followed by a dramatic lapse into insecurity. When they pull away it has a spooky, deep emotional power for you. And it’s very easy to confuse that dark feeling with something it most definitely is NOT... LOVE. In fact, people in a state of limerence often say they are "confused," though it's easy to see from the outside that the confusion is between the reality they WANT to see, and the disappointing TRUTH. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who senses that she may have fallen again into the dark water of limerence. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

Many people in your life really do want the best for you, but there are others who act as if you've done a terrible thing by working on your trauma. It's as if they want and need you to stay hurt and victimized, basically forever. They’re not always even conscious of what they’re doing, but you can sure feel it. They'll make criticisms disguised as "help": When you make positive changes, they warn you about trouble ahead, as if they just want to knock you down a peg. You DON'T need to be knocked down. It may be that there are people in your life (still) who just don't want you to heal. In this video I bring back a popular video from the past that guides you spotting these tendencies in family and friends, so you can stay strong and carry on with overcoming trauma. Heal Trauma in Just One Year? FREE Download: https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

Childhood PTSD is, in essence, an injury to the ability to connect with other people. So it's no surprise that abuse and neglect in your childhood may have left you with a feeling that no matter what you do, you never quite belong in groups. In this "best of" compilation, I share videos that will help you understand that the feeling of being an outside is not a quirk of yours, or a failing. It's a feeling (and an experience) that is common for traumatized people, and with practice, it can be healed.   Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

People neglected as children sometimes spend their WHOLE life longing or love – chasing it, fighting for it, longing for it, and never having it, all because of this -- an attraction to unavailable people. This includes people who are married and can’t really be with you (but string you along), or people who flat out aren’t into you. Yet your wounds from childhood make you the PERFECT person to give all your energy, love and self-esteem to them, basically for free. In this video I respond to a woman who is trapped in a painful affair with a married man, who seeks help ending it, and preventing this from ever happening again. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Ever get the feeling you're just an accessory for a friend who is romantically obsessed? They WANT to hang out with you, and they love to tell you about the emotional rollercoaster of their latest romance. But what do you do when you realize they don't really see you or hear you or care about you. To them, you’re an instrument for them, to get what they want. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has watched her friend cycle through obsession after obsession -- and who wants to get out.   Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

There are times in your life when so many bad things happen at once, that you go into what I call a "trauma storm." The shock to your nervous system of those traumatic events is so overwhelming, that you lose your normal structures and habits that allow you get through hard times, and instead you just kind of slip into crisis mode: You can’t function, your daily routine is all over the place, your mental stability is in jeopardy, and you're emotional, exhausted, and in danger of pushing away the people who normally would be your support system. You can't always control the traumatic events taking place, but you can take steps to help your nervous system stay balanced during hard times. In this video I list simple steps you can take to stop the storm so instead of A breakdown, you can face the hardship, care for yourself and take constructive actions. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

When you're first dating someone, it can be easy ONLY to see what you love about them. If you grew up with abuse or neglect, you may have a blind spot where obvious signs of trouble are waving in your face, and the cost to your happiness can be devastating. In this "best of" compilation I include videos about some of the WORST partners out there -- and why we choose them, and why it's SO hard to leave. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

The need for love and security is SO strong that some people will do *anything* to feel like they’re in a relationship. If you attach to people you know are unavailable, and then structure your life around that person -- your hopes and plans -- hoping to preserve the feeling that they really are THE ONE, it's important you watch this video. I respond to a letter from a woman who hopes that by loving someone unconditionally, she can win their love in return. Signs You are in a Codependent Relationship. FREE Download: https://bit.ly/3CYQaYa Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

It’s normal for people who were traumatized as children to be drawn to people who are trouble. Maybe feel foggy when you meet someone you feel attracted to, or you rush into relationships, and you ignore signs that getting together with this person is a really bad idea. It's normal for people with CPTSD to feel confused when they are confronted with evidence that someone would be bad for you; it's as if your brain shuts down and then you make the destructive decision to go forward anyway. The illusion is that this string of unfortunate events just HAPPENED to you (you can't see that you chose it). And when enough trauma and enough heartbreak has happened, the need for that next relationship to WORK OUT becomes so great, it’s like an addiction. It’ll drive you toward your worst thinking, and right into that same unhappiness. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who just might be a love addict. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

If you seek help for the symptoms of Complex CPTSD, you will generally be steered toward talk therapy, and often, medication. But these two standard modes of treatment may not be will targeted for trauma symptoms. In my case, they made me worse, not better. In this video I share an excerpt from one of my most popular videos, "Why I Quit Therapy," to explain what it was like for me, the reasons we NOW know therapy doesn't work for many traumatized people, and what DOES work. Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

 If your parents harmed you when you were small, you may have developed a coping mechanism that allowed you to accept mistreatment; you learned to just "make it OK" in your mind. But when this gets carried into adulthood, it becomes a maladaptation I call Crapfit. In this "best of" compilation, I share lessons and letters from people with CPTSD who are fitting themselves to horrible partners, jobs and friendships. Hear my advice for setting new and higher standards yourself, and stopping the CRAPFIT. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]  

Getting distance from your family of origin can be a powerful way to accelerate your healing from past trauma. You may be clear you want it to be permanent. But if you're feeling guilty and unsure if you should do it, there's a way to take space for as long as you need -- without drama, without debate, and without committing to a permanent boundary. You get to decide, one day, or one year at a time. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who suspects she needs to end contact with her mother, but the guilt she feels is blocking her clarity. Difficult People in Your Life? Try These NINJA BOUNDARIES : https://bit.ly/3YCnpZJ Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

People neglected and abused in childhood are prone to fantasize about the perfect person and perfect love. But this habit can separate you from the chance to have a real relationship with someone who loves you. The unmet needs of your childhood can't be met by a partner, and your hunger for validation and unconditional love can be a turnoff in an early dating relationship. In this video I respond to a man who has been single for more than a decade since his divorce, and is close to giving upon his lifelong hope of finding true intimacy. Heal Trauma in Just One Year? Free Download: https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

It's as if there is a veil of unconsciousness that prevents us from remembering or telling the truth about sexual abuse -- or acting to defend abused children when we know abuse is happening. In this video, I talk about the first time I ever lied about being abused. For many people, covering for abusers (so we don't get abandoned, attacked, fired or cancelled) becomes so habitual we are desensitized to it. We stay silent, and say only what you're supposed to say. This is one reason why the extent of sexual abuse in industries and institutions such as the Catholic Church is STILL emerging -- and why child sex trafficking has proliferated in recent years. Our culture struggles to face this, because it's painful and sometimes dangerous to speak up. It's as if we want to stay asleep: Is this why there is controversy about the film "Sound of Freedom, which seeks to reawaken us about horrors -- the scope and explosive growth -- of child trafficking? (Trafficking, btw, is a euphemism for enslavement for the purpose of pimping out children for sex with adults). What can explain the number of people attacking this film, and attempting to block you from seeing it? Why do people use this issue to vilify political enemies? We MUST make it our common purpose to fight sexual abuse and trafficking in all its forms. It's never easy to face terrible truths, but it begins with healing our own shame and trauma.

If your parents made it a problem that you needed their love and attention, you may have have internalized the belief that there's something wrong and dirty and shameful about you and your feelings. In families where the expectation of loyalty and honesty only created horrible arguments, you may have trained yourself not to need loyalty and honesty -- not to expect much -- and to never admit that you long for someone to love you and commit to you. What tends to happen with these damaged expectations is that you DON'T receive love and commitment in your adult relationships. This is the tragedy of what our culture calls "The Cool Girl." In this "best of" compilation I share a series of excerpts from videos where I teach the path to recovery for women and men who are overcoming childhood trauma, and learning to expect and recognize the full and committed love and partnership. How To Prepare For a Great Relationship, Free DOWNLOAD: https://bit.ly/43SH8aV Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

When you didn’t get cared for properly when you were little, it’s hard to READ other people – to detect the difference between a friend and someone merely being friendly. So many of us NEED a friend so badly, there’s pressure on the relationship from the beginning to believe it will work. And when it doesn’t, it can feel devastating. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose new friend seems more interested in using her as a stepping stone to more friends; now our letter writer feels tricked and left out. Hear my advice for detecting when friends are using you, and what to do when things start getting weird. How to Be a Better Friend: FREE DOWNLOAD: https://bit.ly/3WS0475 Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

Fawning is when you make yourself small, or act "nice" and like you're not hurt, as a way to cope with mistreatment. It's a fantasy that by being selfless, kind and helpful, you can make bad people be kind to you. It’s a common pattern for traumatized people that can keep old trauma wounds active, and keep you from healing. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who keeps finding herself with hurtful, hateful people, and is ready to change her pattern. Try the FREE Daily Practice Course. ENROLL NOW: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

Abuse and neglect in childhood may seem like the worst thing that's happened to you. But many people with CPTSD multiply the damage with a pattern of behaviors that keeps the trauma alive. Thankfully, healing is possible. Here's a list of self-defeating behaviors that can re-traumatize you -- followed by a description of the joy and ease possible when you heal the pattern. Ten Signs You Trauma is Healing, FREE DOWNLOAD: https://bit.ly/3raZghI Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

If you grew up with trauma, you are likely to have close relationships with both CONTROLLING people and OUT-OF-CONTROL people. Both cause problems, and both can drive you to have a overly-strong need to control relationships and situations (which drives people away). In this "best of" compilation, I highlight some of the ways that people with CPTSD develop control issues -- often without even knowing it -- and how you can learn to relax your grip on others' behaviors, and focus more fully on healing your own life. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]

People whose partners have CPTSD often become confused about the meaning of "support." When should you tolerate yelling, ghosting, and intensive criticism, and when is this just too much? In this video I respond to a letter from a man who is trying earnestly to support his partner, whose behavior has become emotionally abusive. How To Prepare For a Great Relationship, FREE DOWNLOAD: https://bit.ly/43SH8aV   Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: [email protected]