The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle

Getting things done is a HUGE problem for many people, especially with the neurological effects of trauma complicating your ability to focus, to maintain consistent energy levels, and to handle emotional upsets that are bound to happen from time to time. In this "best of" compilation, I share strategies for overcoming procrastination and "action paralysis." Learn how you can overcome limitations from the past and accomplish important goals that make you happy. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

You may have been told that shame is just a way that bad people try to make you feel bad about yourself. Sometimes this is true, but the harder kind of shame is "earned" shame -- where you feel badly about something you said or did, or failed to do. The trouble is, most of us are afraid to face shame feelings. "Shame shifting" is my term for when you feel shame and can't face it, so immediately begin to look for who to BLAME. Blame may make you feel better in the short term, but it hurts other people and stops YOU from facing yourself -- releasing shame where you can and amending mistakes you made in the past. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

One of the most brutal but deceptive symptoms of Childhood PTSD is the romanticization of unrequited love. Loving, available partners seem boring, while those who don't want you seem to represent a higher realm of being, and give you (if only in fantasy) the experience of great love and emotion. The compulsion to love unavailable people will rob you of all happiness, and any chance of real love. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who pours her life into creative collaboration with a man far younger who is not interested. Even while asking for help, she is caught in denial. Hear my answer to help her get free. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

"Cool Girls" are women who appear to feel relaxed and happy about "friends with benefits" relationships, and to have no expectations that get in the way of commitment-free sex. There's a lot of social pressure to be "cool," but for people who were neglected or abandoned as children, acting cool is a charade meant to cover what they've been told is shameful -- a desire for a serious and monogamous relationship. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman who has been brainwashed to believe her expectations are the problem. Hear my suggestions to get real with herself and change her entire approach to dating. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

A history of abandonment in childhood makes you prone to attach to people who abandon you and worse. But focusing on the REASON for the pattern is an explanation, but not a solution. If your pattern is terrible relationships, you will keep having them until you get the power to live, and the will to change. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who is in her second abusive marriage; hear my advice to her for how to face what's happening, change her pattern, and salvage her future. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

If you're feeling alone, lacking friends or feeling that the friendships you have are shallow, fragile, or hurtful, you may be experiencing one of the most common signs that trauma in your childhood has affected you. Abuse and neglect can leave a lasting wound that makes connection with others difficult. But you CAN heal friendship wounds. In this compilation, I teach common ways you may be hiding who you really are, pushing friends away, or clinging to friendships that make your life harder. I teach how you can heal the underlying hurts, and free yourself to find the right people who "get you" and who support you in creating a happy, fulfilling life. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

How many of your problems today were a) caused by things that happened to you in the past versus b) caused by trauma-driven behaviors that you haven't yet been able to change? You can't change the past but you CAN begin to change the habits and patterns that keep causing pain your life -- broken relationships, failed projects, lost opportunities. In this episode, I list ten common ways people who were neglected or abused sometimes sabotage their own success and happiness -- and what to do to break the cycle and start building a good life. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People who were abused or neglected as children long to feel a sense of belonging. But when you join a group, you may often find you struggle to feel like you're truly a part of it -- and you may find excuses to stay on the periphery, or to leave. Few understand the way CPTSD is an injury to the ability to connect to other people; in this episode, I talk about what that feels like, and practical steps you can take to heal. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People who were traumatized as children often grow up to either avoid relationships or to choose unavailable people who not only leave them unfulfilled but blocks them from meeting appropriate, available people who might add happiness to their lives. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who has never experienced more than fleeting relationships and knows that to find love; she'll have to choose differently. But how? Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People neglected as children often find themselves drawn to partners who have an avoidant attachment style -- emotionally cold, often withdrawing love and connection unexpectedly, triggering anxious partners to blame themselves and work overtime to make the relationship work. In this podcast, I respond to a woman whose avoidant ex-partner wants to try again -- while he dates other women. Find out how I help her set boundaries and shed guilt about her role in the relationship's demise. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Past abuse and neglect can leave you vulnerable to the idea of a GREAT LOVE: The feeling that someone special is out there can keep you depressed, longing, and unable to form close relationships with people who are in your life now. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who has been cheating on her husband with her EX-husband, and though the ex is never really coming back, she can't let go. I'll teach concrete steps to recognize this kind of limerent relationship and to STOP mental obsession. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

SO many of my letter writers were raised by alcoholic parents; it's rare that any of them recover, change their self-destructive behavior, or acknowledge the harm they caused. When such a parent is dying, is it wise to demand they stop drinking in order to receive your help? In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who is exasperated with her mother, who has cancer and flat-out refuses to stop her drinking and smoking. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People traumatized as children often struggle to name, hold and express their boundaries, especially when isolated and lonely. This can lead you to attack your own needs and expectations, and to cooperate with people who lead you on with hope of a relationship, but who only want to feed off your romantic energy and make you a "side-chick." In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who fears that if she shuts the door on this type of friends-with-crumbs-of-benefits, she'll have no one. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Almost everyone struggles with procrastination sometimes. But people who were traumatized as children, the most important work of your life may never get done because your instinctive reactions to stress, criticism and potential rejection can feel paralyzing. There is a way forward and in this podcast, I break it down, step by step so you can become productive, focused and full of energy to live your life. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

How do you know when something is RIGHT for you? If you were traumatized as a child you may have lost the ability to sense "rightness" -- a true fit with someone you love, a job or decision. It's hard to know when a choice is your hearts desire and when you are motivated by someone else's agenda, or a need for security. When this happens, you can end up with a life that feels wrong and is full of regret, and that’s exactly what happened to a woman whose letter I'm answering in this podcast. We talk about the one she lost, her fierce regrets, and what she can do to discover the life that will truly make her happy. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Can you be addicted to a person? If romantic relationships turn to obsession, especially after they're over, it's time to heal trauma bonds that "hook" you into people who are selfish, manipulative, and who "blow hot and cold." In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a man who struggles to detach from an ex who tries to keep him at arm's length but hooked on her all the same. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Trauma clutters our lives and emotions with habits and behavior that drive away healthy people; this might explain why you perceive there are "no good people out there." To attract and connect with healthy people, prepare by brightening your "cab light." This is a metaphor for the characteristics (that healthy people seek in a partner) that signal psychological health and emotional availability. In this podcast, I walk through parts of life that may need a tune-up to shine your light and attract good prospective partners. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

When someone mistreated you, have you ever responded with a desperate attempt to win their love, attempting to completely change yourself into the person you THOUGHT they wanted? That is a destructive form of distorted thinking that is common in people who grew up with abuse and neglect. When someone is abusing you, the LAST thing you need is to abandon yourself -- to deny your perception and give away all your power. In this podcast, I answer a letter from a woman who fights to be reunited with an ex who discarded her and support her in finding a new way forward. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People neglected as children often find themselves drawn to partners who have an avoidant attachment style -- emotionally cold, often withdrawing love and connection unexpectedly, triggering anxious partners to blame themselves and work overtime to make the relationship work. In this podcast, I respond to a woman whose avoidant ex-partner wants to try again -- while he dates other women. Find out how I help her set boundaries and shed guilt about her role in the relationship's demise. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

It's common for people who grew up with abuse and neglect to find themselves in codependent relationships. People use the term casually but being codependency fosters emptiness, poverty and rage. How can you tell if it's YOU or the other person who is bringing this to the dynamic? What role does CPTSD and childhood trauma play in developing codependency? In this podcast, I describe the brutal reality of codependent relationship dynamics and the price people pay until they heal. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

You are allowed to set boundaries around other people's drinking and drug use -- but what does that mean? In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman whose partner agreed not to smoke cigarettes or weed but has now slipped twice. She dreads leaving him but worries his broken promises will never stop. Hear my advice for dealing with other people's substance use and what I learned from the addicts in my life. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

CPTSD conditions you to become depressed, confused, and sometimes paralyzed in the face of betrayal. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman whose husband has been poking holes in their condoms, sending her into a spiral of confusion. Learn how trauma from childhood symptoms can be healed when you face lies and deception. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf  

It's common for people who grew up with abuse and neglect to find themselves in codependent relationships. People use the term casually, but being codependency fosters emptiness, poverty, and rage. How can you tell if it's YOU or the other person who is bringing this to the dynamic? What role does CPTSD and childhood trauma play in developing codependency? In this podcast, I describe the brutal reality of codependent relationship dynamics and the price people pay until they heal. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Dysregulation is a core symptom of Complex-PTSD. If you had a rough childhood, you may have thought these symptoms were your fault -- personal failings that you're ashamed you haven't changed yet. Once you know the normal signs that childhood trauma has impacted you, you can drop the guilt and learn to adopt workarounds that help you re-regulate and solve life's problems. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People with past trauma are often told that healing will take a LONG time. Some problems do take time, but others can be solved quickly by asking yourself the right questions. And solving one hard problem can pave the way for more positive changes that weren't possible before. In this podcast, I teach a powerful thought exercise that guides you toward actions you ALREADY KNOW you will stop negative patterns, heal trauma responses and change your life. Ready to Map Out Your One-Year Healing Plan? Click Here: https://bit.ly/3DX1iWx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

When it comes to healing CPTSD, there's abundant advice and hundreds of treatments, but few signs that any of it can truly change your life. If you're ready to move forward with your own recovery from past trauma, here are ten truths that will help you recognize and discard disempowering information and create an approach that works for YOU. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People who were abused and neglected as children often have more than their share of conflict and ruined friendships. In this episode, I teach the ways CPTSD can drive behaviors that damage your relationships, and what to do to heal. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

You may have been told that the reason people keep breaking up with you is because you're actually TRYING to recreate abandonment trauma from childhood. But what if the real reason is that Complex PTSD is driving your behaviors, and causing you to push people away? Here are tips for identifying why this keeps happening. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Infatuation with someone you can't have when it becomes overpowering enough, is called "limerence." It produces a fantasy that helps you escape what is tedious or sad in your life. But the addictive thoughts can only drain your energy and harm your real-life relationships. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who has fallen in love with a caregiver who comes to the house to help her ailing husband. Find out what steps I teach to overcome limerence and restore fulfillment and happiness to life. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Opinion Bullies are narcissists who attempt to shame and control people who don't agree with them, and who refuse to be controlled. We once recognized them as the "mean drill sergeant" archetype by now they are everywhere; people with trauma wounds can be deeply triggered and prone to hide from bullies, rather than fight back. How can you hold your ground, and maintain your composure and your voice in the face of this behavior? Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Attachment wounds and the terror of being alone can drive you to rationalize HOLDING ON to broken people who have already left you. This common CPTSD symptom is one of the most destructive, draining you of happiness, the possibility of real love, and worse. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman trying to salvage a four-week relationship with a man who is in the midst of a dangerous mental health breakdown. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

"I love you, but I'm not sure I'm IN love with you." If your partner says this, does it mean it's never going to work? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who has a good dating relationship but is worried her boyfriend's lack of zeal signals doom for the future. How can you tell if a relationship is worth more time? Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Limerence -- unrequited love that's obsessive and consuming -- can seize your mind and control your emotions. What happens when you "wake up" and realize you feel embarrassed about how your obsession affected the person on whom you were limerent, and everyone who witnessed your irrational behavior? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who hasn't yet shaken off a feeling of shame about past limerence toward someone still in her social circle. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Your Childhood PTSD symptoms have likely created a lifetime of problems in relationships choosing unavailable people, clinging to bad relationships or avoiding intimacy altogether. But the reason you long for a real love -- a "great love" even -- is because you were born to love and be loved. How does a person move past the hurts of the past and learn, at last, to love? Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

When a partner manipulates and controls you, withholds love and demands fidelity -- these are signs of narcissistic abuse. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman struggling to finally close the door on an ex who behaves like a cult leader and must heal her vulnerabilities to cut him off for good. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People who grew up in dysfunctional, neglectful families often find themselves attached to people who are LESS functional than themselves, and uncomfortable around people who are kind, decent, and living their lives well. Given that friends and associates are an important factor in how our own lives turn out, why would we sabotage ourselves like that? In this episode, I respond to a commenter with an interesting suggestion WHY good people feel "wrong" for us. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People who were abused and neglected as children sometimes struggle to stay emotionally "regulated." Part of healing is to learn to self-regulate; this is a skill that, in substance recovery programs is called "Emotional Sobriety." Is it the same with trauma? In this episode, I talk about ways to determine when you're emotionally "intoxicated", how to become emotionally sober, and the signs that you're making progress. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

You know how when people give you a bad apology it makes you feel worse? Here's how to apologize the good way, the way that actually makes things better. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

When you were starved for love and attention as a child, it harmed you emotionally, psychologically, and neurologically, even if the wounds didn't show. Neglect can cause problems connecting with people, detecting red flags, and discerning when a person has your best interests at heart (and who is just using you). In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who is worn out from a four-year relationship with a man who sees her just once a week for a few hours. Hear how I help her read the red flags and make a plan to change her life. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Childhood PTSD can make all relationships seem frustrating and sometimes confusing, even when they're good. Is it your trauma symptoms, or is someone just not a good fit for you? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman in a long-term relationship who finds herself reluctant to commit, AND reluctant to leave. Listen to my suggestions for her to determine if her boyfriend is a "keeper." Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

When it comes to Complex PTSD, research has shown almost no definitive pattern of effectiveness associated with any particular approach to treatment. Thousands of practitioners and agencies claim that they treat the effects of childhood trauma, but do their approaches work? In this episode, I go through some of the popular treatments available and tell you what we know about them. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

If I had it to do over again, I would have stopped going to therapy long before I did. Most commenters on this channel told me they felt the same way; a few were astonished and wanted to know more. In this video, I explain WHY therapy not only didn't help me heal from Childhood PTSD / CPTSD, but how it put me at risk. Be sure to watch until the end! I talk about what DID enable me to heal, and the need for more self-determination around our own healing. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

So many people who endured abuse and neglect as children are STILL waiting to find real help for their trauma-related problems today. You hear people say “oh you should go to therapy --it totally changed my life!" and you think "I WISH I could find something like that but WHERE?" In this podcast, I teach you ten qualities to look for in a therapist who can help you heal from CPTSD. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People whose childhood emotional needs were neglected are often drawn into "limerent" relationships -- an infatuation or obsession with someone unavailable, uninterested, or unknown to you. This consuming kind of love (that gives nothing back) can devastate your happiness and leave you chronically isolated. In this episdoe, I answer a letter from a woman who has loved a man she barely knows for years. Find out how to spot the signs of limerence, and what you can do to heal. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

As a child, you developed the ability to use "magical thinking" to cope with abuse and neglect, but NOW, as an adult, it just might be blocking you from ever escaping troubled relationships, finding inner strength, and living a full life. In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who endured profound neglect as a child and has used magical thinking to tolerate rejection and grief as she lives in the house of an ex for who she still has romantic feelings. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Any loss of a parent can leave an emotional wound on a child that affects them all their lives. How many times have you fallen for someone, only to find that you weren’t valued, your existence was a secret to someone's "real" relationship, relegating you to the status of "side chick?" The consequences of this pattern don’t just draw you to the wrong person; the pattern leads to behaviors that drive away good people who would otherwise seek a relationship with you. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman trying to find a way to either forget or transform a relationship with a man who treats her as a secret girlfriend. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

You may have suspected that abuse and neglect in your childhood still affects you now, or that you developed Complex PTSD as a result of what happened. Here are 12 signs of CPTSD that you can compare to the symptoms you experience. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Hurrying is a huge trigger for CPTSD symptoms, amplifying dysregulation and all the other common side effects experienced by adults who grew up neglected or abused. Hurrying can increase anger and panic, and drain your ability to focus. And although you may think it is not possible to live without hurrying and overwhelm, you can teach yourself to notice when they're happening and slow, way down. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

"You've got to learn to feel your feelings" is not always helpful advice for people who grew up with neglect and abuse. Emotional dysregulation is a common, normal, adult symptom of of complex PTSD that can make emotions too big, too intense, and even destructive to your life. Here's how to notice when your emotions are dysregulated, and what you can do to re-regulate them. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Love is powerful: Even people whose parents exploited them still feel love, still long to be loved. Surviving abuse depended once on tolerating and fitting yourself to people who could not fully love. As an adult, this tendency keeps you trapped in half-love relationships. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman whose partner holds her at arms length with a lingering connection to his ex. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf