The Art of Charm

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. In this Minisode Monday, former and future guest Jon Levy -- author of The 2 AM Principle: Discover The Science of Adventure -- joins us to discuss the Copy Machine Effect and how to end a conversation without burning bridges. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: You can't always curate your company beforehand; the impressions you make are created by how you interact in real time, on the fly. Conversation is usually spontaneous. You don't want to offend someone you've just met, but what do you do if you find yourself in a conversation that's not ideal? How do you politely excuse yourself from the discussion without the other party taking it personally (and without feeling guilty)? Keep in mind that time is limited. While mingling with large groups of people, you'll see participation in some conversations as crucial, some as best put off for another time, and others as entirely avoidable. Jon gives us a couple of ways out if we're alone (one cleverly involves the IFTTT Do Button), or if we're already part of a group. Understand the power of "because." Jon explains the Copy Machine Effect and how providing a reason is curiously persuasive in any conversation. And then he demonstrates. To learn more about social dynamics and put them to practice, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-17-how-to-end-a-conversation/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you go back to your long-term marriage that needs work once you've become infatuated with someone who reminds you of all the things your partner is not? As we learned in episode 499 with Kimberly Seltzer, boundaries are imporant. But how do we know if we're closing ourselves off with too many boundaries? If you're an educator who's had to make countless compromises, it's hard not to become jaded when work politics hamstring the passion that got you into your field in the first place. Is there a way to realign your perspective and avoid the mounting bitterness you've been feeling about your job before you just leave it all behind for good? Some fan mail we get goes beyond the scope of our expertise, and we have to recommend professional help. Kimberly Seltzer gets another mention here for her in-depth episode about how to find a therapist. We wholeheartedly encourage everyone who listens to this show to put a plan of action in place and stick to it. Start small, as even the tiniest daily improvement will snowball into a core-level identity shift that will improve your life and the lives of those around you forever. A quick shoutout to Brandon Monk, the woodworker in L.A. who made my new audio desk -- which is amazing! It's all solid walnut. Hand made. It's absolutely beautiful and is officially the nicest piece of furniture I have ever owned. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-78-hard-problems/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shep Gordon (@SupermenschShep) is a talent manager, Hollywood film agent, producer, and author of They Call Me Supermensch: A Backstage Pass to the Amazing Worlds of Film, Food, and Rock'n'Roll. He was featured in Mike Meyers' documentary Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon about his life and times. The Cheat Sheet: How do you create history rather than waiting for it to happen? Do you have to be a jerk to make it in Hollywood? What's Shep's coupon system? What's the most selfish thing you can do? Is fame toxic? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/shep-gordon-supermensch-maui-episode-544/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Robert Cialdini (@RobertCialdini) is a speaker, consultant, and author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion and, most recently, Pre-suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade. The Cheat Sheet: What is "pre-suasion," and how does it relate to the concepts inside influence? How persuasive people shape others' behavior and how we can use these techniques on others -- as well as ourselves. How to gain and retain someone's attention. How language, geography, and imaging alter our perceptions of what causes events -- and how the media uses these principles to influence us and set its agenda. How to increase our appeal by causing others to focus on us (and why this phenomenon often lands innocent people in jail). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/robert-cialdini-pre-suasion-episode-543/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. Today, we're joined by recent guest, Unmistakable Creative host, and author of Unmistakable: Why Only is Better Than Best, Srini Rao. He'll tell us how to write 1,000 words a day without even thinking about it. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: In order to effortlessly write 1,000 words a day, you need to make it second nature in your daily routine -- like brushing your teeth. Writing by hand vs. writing by keyboard. Activation energy: the fewer steps there are for you to do something, the more likely you are to actually do it. Have the tools of your routine on hand and ready to perform. To minimize distractions, Srini recommends loading up Focus at Will (a subscription music service that helps you focus -- with science!), and blocking all attention-grabbing websites (or your browser itself) for an hour. If you're writing on a laptop, have your word processing software set up so it's the first thing you see when you open it up in the morning. Before you know it, you'll write 1,000 words per day and you won't even think twice about it. Give it a try this week! To learn more about social dynamics and overcoming conditions like procrastination, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-16-how-to-write-1000-words-a-day/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: You've been so busy building a life for you and your family that, through long hours of work and school, you worry you've forgotten how to have fun. How do you get your mojo back to be the best self your wife deserves? How do you hustle hard and make sure to get decent sleep every night? If your significant other is on hookup sites "just to make new friends," how do you know they're not cheating on you? A New Yorker weighs on on how diversity can be an asset rather than a drawback in the modern dating scene -- if you're looking in the right places. A listener who went through dual enrollment (as discussed in FMF 75) tells us how it's got him on track to graduate with an MBA at age 20. Quick shoutouts to Charles Anderson -- who has been on the Internet for 40 years -- and Anni Viskus, an Estonian in Denmark who considers AoC her number one podcast and listens to it with her boyfriend! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-77-hustle-hard-sleep-harder/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lecrae (@lecrae) is a two-time Grammy winning hip hop artist and author of Unashamed, the autobiography about his rocky path to becoming a chart-topping industry anomaly. The Cheat Sheet: How do you make it to the top of the hip hop world as an introvert? What it takes to filter the right role models and mentors when you grow up fatherless. How to separate criticism from valid feedback. Lecrae shares his Beyoncé party story. How does Lecrae deal with the nagging pangs of Imposter Syndrome? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/lecrae-unashamed-episode-542/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Srinivas Rao (@unmistakableceo) is the host and founder of the Unmistakable Creative podcast -- where he's interviewed more than 700 people from all walks of life -- and author of Unmistakable: Why Only is Better Than Best. The Cheat Sheet: The power of long-term commitment. Avoiding the Idea Echo Chamber. Why your goal should be to become the only and not just the best. The support systems around being creative. How to borrow from other works without staying in the realm of what's been done before. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/srinivas-rao-why-only-is-better-than-best-episode-541/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 15th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Today, we're going to address sore spots and accommodating old injuries. Here goes: The Cheat Sheet: We all experience sore spots -- physical as well as mental -- every now and then. But sometimes these sore spots have been with us so long that we forget what put them there in the first place. Just one injury can set off a chain reaction of unconscious maladjustment -- with body or mind -- that can affect everything we do. The older the injury, the more widespread the effects. In what ways have you been injured that cause you to act differently? Does an old shoulder injury negatively modify your posture? Does an old embarrassment make you insecure or oversensitive about something? This week: think about your sore spots. What are they, and when do they show up? What triggers them? How have you been rearranging your life to accommodate these old injuries? Start digging to see if you can find the root causes, because only then can you start the healing process and take care of them once and for all. To learn more about social dynamics and putting a stop to accommodating old injuries, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-15-accommodating-old-injuries/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. As an added bonus, Gabriel Mizrahi joins us! In this episode: How do you call out a friend when you see them slipping up without ruining the relationship? Why do bad bosses happen to good employees? Can loving your rewarding job be enough if the person deciding the direction that job can take is someone you don't trust or respect? What can you do to blend into a new company culture without coming across as desperate for social attention? Quick shoutouts to Fei Wu -- who bribed Jordan with a ton of nice Chinese pu-erh tea to get him on her podcast -- and to Patrick McCabe, who is starting his voiceover business and helped rewrite some of the AoC intro scripts! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-76-vengeance-or-validation/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

James Altucher (@jaltucher) is a serial entrepreneur, speaker, podcaster, and author of several books, including Choose Yourself: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream. He joins us to talk about -- among many things -- the benefits of minimizing expectations for maximum happiness. The Cheat Sheet: Need to jump start happiness? Lower your expectations. People seem to react better to advice by autobiography than advice by slogan. If a giant stack of money is your be-all, end-all measure of success, you might want to redefine success (or prepare for a heaping helping of disappointment). How does someone live well without renting or owning? The checklist James uses to make sure he's operating as his best self (which also keeps him from disappointing others). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/james-altucher-minimal-expectations-episode-540 HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shawn Blanchard (@Shawntb) has overcome a past of drug dealing and limited options to become a speaker, mentorship specialist, and author of How 'Bout That For A Crack Baby: Keys to Mentorship and Success. The Cheat Sheet: How does someone go from living a double life of academic success and criminal enterprise to mentoring kids and helping them realize their potential? How Shawn found mentors -- or as he calls them, friendtors -- from among his peers. People want to help you. If you want to be a good mentor, you've got to be a good mentee. Mentorship isn't necessarily about creating high performers, but in making people better than they would have been without you. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/shawn-blanchard-from-miscreant-to-mentor-episode-539/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 14th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Today, we tried to come up with a word for the opposite of worry. We failed, but it doesn't mean we can't put the idea to practice as we try to understand why worrying never helps. The Cheat Sheet: Have you ever seen Bridge of Spies with Tom Hanks? If you have, you might remember this line: "Would it help?" (We won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it.) Worrying is what we do when there's nothing we really can do. It's counterproductive. Worrying causes stress, which interferes with our performance, energy levels, and focus -- which makes it harder to deal with what we're worrying about in the first place. The cure for worry? Presence (as recently discussed with Amy Cuddy, author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges). Focus on the task at hand. Face forward, but don't live in the pretend future where the thing you're fearing wins. This differs from strategizing for contingencies, where you stay emotionally detached from potential outcomes. Instead of worrying -- where the worst-case scenario is the reality we imagine -- try imagining the best-case scenario, instead. To learn more about social dynamics and overcoming conditions like worrying, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-14-worrying-never-helps/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If you believe weird things, one of them might be in thinking it's a good idea to visit a psychic with your significant other for a preview of the future. You had a bad breakup. Months later, when your ex joins your co-ed softball team and those familiar feelings of affection reignite, is it better to let the other person know how you feel, or should you just sever all ties at the end of the season? Are you a driven teenager (or the parent of one) who feels like high school is just a waste of time? Check out dual enrollment as an option and get a head start on college. A listener who enjoyed our episodes with Duana Welch finds himself newly single. He wonders about the proper way to disclose to potential dates what some may see as non-glamorous employment -- without being deceptive. Dating can be hard -- but an immigrant might find it even harder. What's the secret to mingling without getting demotivated? Quick shoutouts to Cristian in Santiago de Chile and Romee the Baconator (the man, not the burger)! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-75-is-dual-enrollment-a-game-changer/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dacher Keltner is a professor of psychology at University of California in Berkeley, one of the world's foremost scientists specializing in the study of power, and author of The Power Paradox: How We Gain and Lose Influence. The Cheat Sheet: You don't have to be Machiavellian to appreciate that Niccolo Machiavelli was the OG power scientist. The imbalance of power is the greatest threat to society (just after climate change). Powerlessness can literally be lethal. Learn how we can increase our power relative to others in a healthy way. What is The Power Paradox, and how does it affect us and society at large? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/dacher-keltner-the-power-paradox-episode-538/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sebastian Junger (@sebastianjunger) is a journalist, filmmaker, and bestselling author; he joins us to discuss his latest book Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging and his experiences covering war for the past 20 years. The Cheat Sheet: Why do some people get addicted to war and recall times of crisis with fondness? Does an affluent society free of hardship and danger deprive its citizens of an intrinsic need to be useful? Are war journalists armed, and do they contribute to group defense in the field? What happens when someone who's been through war comes home, and why is it often so difficult for them to reintegrate into society? Why is there a phrase for "going native" but not "going civilized?" And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/sebastian-junger-tribe-episode-537/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 13th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges author and recent guest Amy Cuddy joins us to talk about something a lot of us experience: Imposter Syndrome. The Cheat Sheet: Do you ever feel like you don't belong where you are? That you don't deserve what you have? That everyone else is smarter than you? You might be experiencing Imposter Syndrome. This doesn't just apply to high achievers -- it happens to almost everyone (80%), and is not limited by demographic. Do you remove yourself from situations where you worry you might be "found out" for not being good enough? Common avoidances: speaking at events, performing, taking on challenges, and talking about this feeling with anyone else -- because we feel completely alone in this condition. Pluralistic Ignorance: the feeling that everyone else knows something we don't know. Imposter Syndrome activates the same centers in the brain as pain. It feeds itself: the more we succeed, the more we feel we're getting undue attention, and the more likely we're going to be "found out." We can't say no to opportunities just because we feel threatened with discovery. The best thing we can do if we find ourselves experiencing Imposter Syndrome is talking about it with others. We might be surprised to find that, while opening up to someone we trust, they'll admit feeling this way, too. We're not alone. To learn more about social dynamics and overcoming conditions like Imposter Syndrome, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-13-overcoming-imposter-syndrome HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: What news sources do we trust to keep us informed about current events? If you're still in college, is a long distance relationship a worthwhile pursuit -- or will it just hold you back from achieving other goals? Is there such a thing as too much personal development? Can someone really become unknowingly deficient in relationship skills because they're too absorbed in their own journey? How does one get started in the industry of self-help and personal growth? When your estranged parents reach out and want to visit you on the other side of the ocean, is it wrong to tell them that now's not a good time? Quick shoutouts to Mitch, a producer at a studio Jordan used (he turned out to be an AoC fan just by coincidence!) and Chris Johnson, who's deciding whether or not to do his own podcast now that he sees some of the work that goes into it! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-74-personal-overdevelopment HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Amy Cuddy (@amyjccuddy) is a social psychologist, TED Talk speaker, and author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges. The Cheat Sheet: What is presence, and why do the charismatic seem to have it in abundance while so many of us struggle to find it regularly in ourselves? Presence is a renewable resource -- not a permanent state. Confident body language begets confidence and presence. Arrogance isn't a proxy for confidence -- why inauthenticity undermines trust, how you can keep yourself from conveying it, and how to spot it in someone else. Extroverts don't have an unfair advantage when it comes to commanding presence; by the same token, introverts aren't at a disadvantage. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/amy-cuddy-presence-episode-536/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bob Burg (@BobBurg) is the co-author of The Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea, a parable with dynamic business principles and life lessons that we can all apply with great effect. The Cheat Sheet: Why the world isn't dog-eat-dog. The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success -- how they apply to your business and personal life. How we add value without giving away the bank and hurting our own business or interests. How we give without being obsessed with the results. As the old adage goes: how you do anything is the way you do everything. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/bob-burg-the-go-giver-episode-535/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 12th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. We take on roles when interacting with others. But are we in control of the roles we play, or do they come about by default or inaction? Let's find out here! The Cheat Sheet: When interacting with others, we all play roles. Sometimes these roles complement each other, and sometimes they clash. We don't always choose the roles we play. Sometimes they just happen by default or plain inaction. When two people are working together to get something done, one person may take the supporting role of ladder holder and the other, the ladder climber. In the ladder example, there's nothing wrong with taking on either role. But did you arrive at your respective roles by choice, or did one of you take the initiative to select one and the other just fell into the one left over? This week, think about the roles you play at home. Think about the roles you play at work. Think about the roles you play among your friends. Which roles do you have by choice, and which roles do you have by default or inaction? For whom are you holding the ladder when you shouldn't be? To learn more about social dynamics you can put to use, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-12-playing-roles-and-holding-ladders/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it -- as an added bonus, Gabriel Mizrahi joins us! In this episode: What can you do to keep a good relationship with a family member who doesn't support your goals while not letting their negativity derail your ambition? How do you convince your boss that his convoluted approach to a project could be better streamlined without causing insult or drama? As a direct-sales team leader, how do you keep your team's morale up when it's discovered that one among them has been stealing from several others in the group? How can you be civil to -- and work with -- a boss you don't respect? Extra complication: he's the business owner's son. A prospective employer says your resume looks great on paper, but they express concerns upon meeting you because your work history is unorthodox. How do you present your case? Quick shoutouts to: Bill Durfy, who listens with his 18-year-old daughter, and Dylan F, who listens in Manhattan because his girlfriend turned him on to the show. Ladies, tell your men about AoC! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-73-why-dont-i-want-to-hire-you/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chris Voss (@VossNegotiation) is a former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as If Your Life Depended on It. He joins the show to discuss how we can be more effective negotiators by using hostage negotiation techniques. The Cheat Sheet: The principles behind negotiation and emotional persuasion. Three types of negotiators you'll encounter -- The Analyst, The Assertive, and The Accommodator -- and how to size them up. How to influence how people size you up. Defusing negative emotions. Generating rapport in difficult situations. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/chris-voss-never-split-the-difference-episode-534/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Carmen Simon (@areyoumemorable) is a cognitive scientist specializing in neuroscience research and how we can use memory to have a positive impact on other people's decisions. She is the author of Impossible to Ignore: Creating Memorable Content to Influence Decisions. The Cheat Sheet: How to stay on people's minds. How to influence other people's memory. Why being remembered in the future is more important than being remembered in the past. When forgetting is actually better than remembering. How to influence others to forget. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/carmen-simon-impossible-to-ignore-episode-533/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 11th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Under New Management: How Leading Organizations Are Upending Business as Usual author and recent guest David Burkus joins us to talk about how to tell if your network is too dense, what this really means, and how you can remedy the situation. The Cheat Sheet: While you may be influenced most by the five people with whom you spend the most time, research suggests shuffling those five people depending on the project at hand. In theory, this is great. But what if your network isn't wide enough to allow for this kind of shuffling? On the other hand, as networks cross and everybody gets to know everybody in each other's networks, the diversity of those networks decreases at the same time as they get denser. Grab a notepad and list the 10 people you interact with most. "There's nothing magical about 10," says David. "You could go to 15 if you've got that many; you could go to five if you feel like you don't have a lot of friends." Stare at that list and start thinking about how many of those people would also be on each other's list. How many of them know each other? How often do you all hang out together? If your network's too dense, it's time to start expanding. To learn more social dynamics hacks like this one, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-11-how-to-tell-if-your-network-is-too-dense/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Are you an introvert who leaves the party early because you need time away from people to recharge? Or are you just really ambitious and ready to move on to more invigorating projects than clubbing? It could be both... Five years into your marriage-tracked relationship and you've both agreed to save your virginity until the wedding night. And then your significant other drops a bombshell: they haven't been a virgin since before you started dating. Now what? The family who listens to the AoC podcast together stays together! (Or at least engages in regular discussions instead of constant arguments.) If a reason-based atheist withdraws from a group of bunk-believing old friends and there's no herbal remedy around to cure his melancholy, does his aura change color? A doctor who listens to the show reminds men with low libidos to get testosterone and estradiol levels checked -- aromatization might be converting what seems to be a normal level of testosterone into estrogen. "Even in younger guys," she says, "this is an increasingly huge problem because of all of the endocrine disrupting chemicals in our world." If you're dating someone you consider "out of your league," is it possible you're giving them too much of a benefit of the doubt when they're waving every shade of red flag directly in your face? A quick shoutout to Drew Mistak, photographer (your email bounced back to Jordan when he tried to connect you to Hines Ward). Also to Stephen Cristopher, who's starting his own show to help others with their small businesses! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-72-endocrine-disrupting-atheists/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

David Burkus (@davidburkus) makes it easier for good ideas to leave the ivory tower of academia and get adopted by the people in the corner office who need it. He is the author of Under New Management: How Leading Organizations Are Upending Business as Usual. The Cheat Sheet: Why are smaller companies with limited resources better poised than giant corporations to work with potentially game-changing experimental policies? You may be the average of the five people you spend the most time with, but nobody ever said it has to be the same five -- especially when project teamwork comes into play. Why former colleagues are some of your most valuable network connections -- and how you can keep in touch with them. Research shows that who is on your team and the company you work with have far more influence on your performance than just your skills. Do you hate your job? Science tells us why. But the good news is: you can do something about it at any level. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/david-burkus-under-new-management-episode-532/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Michael Shermer (@michaelshermer) is the founder of Skeptic magazine and several books on the nature of belief. He's the Director of The Skeptics Society, a non-profit dedicated to the promotion of science, reason, and critical thinking. He joins us to discuss why people believe weird things. The Cheat Sheet: How do beliefs form in our brains and persist even when we know they're wrong? Why do skeptics (and restaurant owners) scowl at the mention of Uri Geller? Why are smart people even more susceptible to faulty beliefs? How do our genes influence our political and religious beliefs? What's the difference between a skeptic and a cynic? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/michael-shermer-believe-weird-things-episode-531/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 10th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Ego Is the Enemy author and recent guest Ryan Holiday joins us to talk about keeping our own egos in check when we're dealing with people who we -- for whatever reason -- can't stand. The Cheat Sheet: What does Always Love by Nada Surf have to teach us about the uneven relationship between the hater and the hated? "I have decided to stick with love...Hate is too great a burden to bear." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. If Socrates was right in saying that no one does wrong knowingly, someone who has caused you grief probably didn't set out to do it on purpose. The aspects that turn us off to someone's character are probably already causing that person some degree of suffering. Try to find gratitude toward those who have done wrong by you early in a relationship -- at least they didn't wait longer to make it worse for you. "The mind can contort itself in all different ways," says Ryan. "You might as well contort it in some way that makes you feel less bad than continuing to contort it in a way that makes you feel more miserable." To learn more social dynamics hacks like this one, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-10-compassion-for-cretins/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If your significant other voices negative opinions about people who have plastic surgery, should you tell them you had a nose job six years ago? How do you learn to trust your instincts to become a better judge of character? How can someone highlight the unconscious conditioning at the root of their problems to ask the real questions they need answered? A listener writes to let us know he enjoyed our episode with Neil Pasricha, and wonders if paying for the full tab on a first date (or casual meeting) makes the man come off too strong? Another listener lets us know how Kim Seltzer's advice in a past Fan Mail Friday helped him gain clarity about his life's direction. Thanks to Victor Mizrahi for being a hardcore AoC fan. It means a lot to us! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-71-like-a-neckbeard-champion/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jo Marchant (@JoMarchant) is a science journalist and author -- her new book is Cure: A Journey into the Science of Mind over Body. The Cheat Sheet: Understand the power of placebos. Learn how your immune system can be trained. Find out why stress kills and how to beat it. Realize the importance of social relationships and how to boost them. Does believing in God make you live longer? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jo-marchant-cure-episode-530/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jonah Berger (@j1berger) has spent over 15 years studying how social influence works and how it drives products and ideas to catch on. He's a marketing professor and author; his new book is Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior. The Cheat Sheet: We like to believe we're so special that our choices are driven by personal preferences and opinions; the fact of the matter: other people have an influence over almost everything we do. Rather than seeing influence as negative and manipulative, we should understand how to use it as a toolkit for making better decisions. Sometimes we allow our social groups or cultural upbringing to influence us toward underachievement. Learn the one trick that allows negotiators to be five times more successful. How do we protect ourselves from undesired influence? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jonah-berger-invisible-influence-episode-529/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the ninth episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. If You're so Smart, Why Aren't You Happy? author and recent guest Raj Raghunathan joins us to talk about when we should go with our gut instinct to make a decision and when we should turn it over to our mind. The Cheat Sheet: Many smart and successful people think you can arrive at a better solution to any challenge or problem faced by thinking a little more about it. This leads to what Raj calls the sin of "mind addiction." When we succumb to this mind addiction, we tend to overanalyze and get into analysis paralysis -- unable to remove ourselves from a self-feeding loop that actually stops us from making a decision at all (or, in the best case, an inferior decision). Our instinct -- our gut -- packs a lot more information than we give it credit for. Evolution has given us this intrinsic command center we often ignore in favor of waiting for further, external information that may or may not exist. This isn't to say all decisions should unquestioningly be handled by the gut. Stock market investing, for instance, is a job for the brain. But making a spreadsheet to weigh the pros and cons of dating one person over another is being overanalytical of a job best handled by the gut. What is the eventual benefit you seek? Is it an emotional/experiential one, or is it a functional/practical/utilitarian one? If it's the former, go with your gut. If it's the latter, it may be worth letting your mind give it more careful thought. Do you need to justify your choice to other people? It's probably a job for your mind. If it's something for which you are only accountable to yourself, the gut may be your better option. To learn more about making decisions with the right part of your body, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-9-gut-decision-vs-making-up-your-mind/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: A lonely expat wonders if he's really cut out for living abroad, but worries about reverse culture shock if he returns home. Will the social problems he faces now just follow him wherever he decides to go? Are you conceited if accepting praise and accolades makes you feel awkward? A wife, mother, and psychology honors student weighs in on advice we gave to the couple with the mismatched libidos in Fan Mail Friday #67. Where should you go to meet a career-oriented significant other who's actually significant enough to take to the next level? A listener shares a great metaphor for explaining how self-limiting beliefs really work (and why overcoming them can seem like magic to people who are only used to seeing walls). Thanks to Melanie Curtis for letting us know The Art of Charm is her favorite podcast! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-70-reverse-culture-shock/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Michelle Lederman (@mtlederman) rejoins the show to discuss her recent book Nail the Interview, Land the Job: A Step-by-Step Guide for What to Do Before, During and After the Interview. The Cheat Sheet: Learn how to prepare for a job interview. Understand why you're better off presenting your best, authentic self during a job interview instead of trying to come off as the person you think the potential employer is looking for. Learn how to present your best self. Learn how to handle tricky questions. Learn how to follow up after the interview. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/michelle-lederman-nail-interview-episode-528/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the eighth episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World author and recent guest Adam Grant joins us to talk about how we can argue against ourselves in order to make our arguments more convincing. The Cheat Sheet: We can lead with our weaknesses, not just our strengths. Adam tells us how serial entrepreneur Rufus Griscom convinced investors to fund parenting website Babble by providing three reasons not to. By arguing against ourselves and being forthright with our faults, we show the capacity to be self-critical, balanced, and not delusional enough to believe our own ideas are flawless. By listing these problems off the bat, Griscom made it harder for the potential investors to think of problems themselves. "The harder it is to think about something, the less you think it's a real issue," says Adam. "If you really struggle -- if you have to work -- to come up with some real reasons not to invest in this company, you're like, 'This company must not be so bad!'" People like to show off how intelligent they are. Since Griscom had already pointed out the problems with his business, it put the investors in the position of demonstrating this intelligence by finding ways to solve these problems -- rather than sniffing out further faults. This turned what could have been a conversation focused on the negative into one that gravitated toward the positive. Griscom later used these same tactics with Disney ("five reasons you should not buy Babble"); Disney then bought the company for $40 million. To learn more social dynamics hacks like this one, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-8-forthright-with-faults/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: In the thick of it, high school seems like a waste of time when you've got bigger dreams for your future. But how bright is that future for a high school dropout? A listener offers additional sage advice to an answer we gave in Fan Mail Friday 67 regarding the balance of self-improvement and family drama. Why isn't Jordan on Snapchat? While convalescing from an illness that induces chronic fatigue, how do you deal with the FOMO (fear of missing out) and frustration caused by not being able to operate at the high level to which you're accustomed? Let's be honest: isn't brushing up on social dynamics skills really just a way to manipulate others? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-69-are-schools-for-fools/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Angela Duckworth (@angeladuckw) is a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, founder of the non-profit Character Lab, and author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. The Cheat Sheet: Why we shouldn't label others as talented. Why our potential is one thing -- and what we do with it is another. How to focus on high-level goals. When to give up -- and when to be stubborn. How to grow our grit and perseverance. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/angela-duckworth-grow-grit-episode-526/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jason McCarthy (@GORUCK) teaches lessons focused on problem solving and rapport building related to "Charming the Snake," a way of life for Green Berets that works in war, business, and love. The Cheat Sheet: What does GORUCK mean? Where does the term "charming the snake" originate? Why is it more efficacious to charm the metaphorical snake rather than kill it? What are the stages of rapport building that are important for charming the snake? It's not really possible to overcommunicate. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jason-mccarthy-charming-snake-episode-525/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the seventh episode of Minisode Monday! If You're so Smart, Why Aren't You Happy? author and recent guest Raj Raghunathan joins us to talk about the benefits of kindness and giving. Here's what's up today: The Cheat Sheet: Kindness and giving are good for us. Pessimists can point to numerous reasons that humans seem to be programmed for selfishness and greed, but research suggests we're equally (if not more so) hard-wired for generosity. A study with non-socialized toddlers found a correlation between sharing a personal resource (Goldfish crackers) and happiness -- the most generous toddlers were also the most happy. When we're kind to other people, other people tend to reciprocate that kindness. Even if our generosity is unconditional, the receiving party usually feels obligated in some way to return the favor out of an inherent sense of fairness. We all want to feel as if we're good at doing something -- even if that something is simply being an agent of positive change. When we see our actions as making a difference in the world, we feel more than competent -- we feel powerful. On the other side of it, being too nice -- overly kind and giving -- can get us marked as suckers; where do we draw the line? Raj references recent guest Adam Grant for some lessons in being an "otherish" giver. This week, we challenge you to find the balance between being a selfless giver and an otherish giver. Take the Art of Charm Challenge for weekly help in striking the right balance in this and the other areas of your life. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-7-kindness-and-giving/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Is it fair to assess someone's character and integrity from a small incident that appears to be inconsequential? When does a benevolent Band of Brothers (as discussed in Episode 460 with Stephen Mansfield: Building a Band of Brothers) become a corrupt Old Boys Network? Where do we stand on "the power of positive thinking?" Is it just a gimmick or does it really work? Is it wrong to initiate a relationship with someone when you know you're going to be moving far away soon? If it bothers you when someone refers to you as a freelancer instead of an entrepreneur, how do you respond without sounding overly negative? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-68-dont-call-me-a-solopreneur/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Amy Herman (@AmyHermanAOP) helps people from across the professional spectrum enhance their observation and perception skills by learning to look at works of art in her Art of Perception course. Her new book, Visual Intelligence: Sharpen Your Perception, Change Your Life is available now. The Cheat Sheet: Discover why Amy discourages use of the words "obviously," "clearly," "always," and "never." The Four As: assess, analyze, articulate, act. Learn the difference between short-term situational awareness and long-term situational awareness. Don't worry about political correctness. Worry about correctness. How can studying art sharpen your ability to observe -- especially the details that hide, unnoticed by most, in plain sight? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/amy-herman-visual-intelligence-episode-524/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

General Michael Hayden (@GenMhayden) is a retired United States Air Force general, former Director of the NSA and CIA, and author of Playing to the Edge: American Intelligence in the Age of Terror. The Cheat Sheet: How does an intelligence agent view cognition, cognitive bias, and psychology differently from a policy maker? What is The Unpleasant Fact an intelligence agent brings to the briefing table? General Hayden gives us a rare glimpse of working for two very different presidents and conveys the importance of adapting to their particular learning styles. Find out what it's like to present new intelligence to an administration that forces it to change policy. (Awkward!) Get General Hayden's take on the recent Orlando shootings and the difficulty of balancing security with liberty. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/general-michael-hayden-playing-edge-episode-523/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the sixth episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Here's what's up today: The Cheat Sheet: Loneliness is the discrepancy between your desired level of social contact with what you actually achieve. Loneliness is that contradiction between how we want to feel versus what we actually experience -- and it opens up a weird emptiness within us. The irony is, if you suffer from loneliness, you're not alone -- one in five Americans suffer from chronic loneliness, with millennials experiencing it in an even higher percentage. Check out this podcast we did with Kira Asatryan recently: Stop Being Lonely (Episode 504). Technology -- especially so-called "social" media -- seems like it should make the world a little smaller and bring us closer together, but an interesting phenomenon happens when we see the lives of others through the filtered lens they choose to share with us: we feel inadequate. This week, make an effort to surround yourself with people who challenge your thinking -- not just people who agree with you. Hear people out when they express opinions with which you disagree. Read an article from a website you don't normally agree with. Poke holes in the logic -- it'll make you a better critical thinker. In some cases, it may change the way you think entirely. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-6-youre-not-alone-in-loneliness/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you maintain a healthy mind and keep improving yourself when there are a lot of problems in the immediate family that no one has control over? [Answer: 01:55] A listener gives us his take on ego (as recently discussed in AoC episode 519: Ego Is the Enemy with Ryan Holiday). [Answer: 06:23] Still another listener gives us his take on the virginity issue discussed way back in FMF 60 -- and, it seems, every FMF since! (But we felt this was a unique insight worth sharing.) [Answer: 08:40] We all know Jordan has a face for radio, but how did he get that silky smooth broadcasting voice? [Answer: 09:26] When your marriage is otherwise great but the sex life is -- in your opinion -- lacking, how do you honestly open up to your partner in a way that doesn't cause them to shut down or get angry? (This was sent to us by one of The Art of Charm's "more than 30,000 women listeners.") [Answer: 14:08 -- Adrenal Stress Index Test here.] Oh! And if you're in Omaha, go check out AoC alumnus Jake Gardner's bar The Hive Lounge. (If you're in town, you know there's already a buzz about it.) Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-67-a-face-for-podcasting/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tim Urban (@waitbutwhy) of Wait But Why tells us how to build good patterns for defeating chronic procrastination and gain control over our own lives. The Cheat Sheet: Telling someone afflicted with chronic procrastination not to procrastinate is like telling someone with clinical depression to just be happier: it doesn't work. The chronic procrastinator experiences a constant struggle between their inner rational thinker -- who sees the future and understands the value of goals and hard work -- and an Instant Gratification Monkey that only lives for what's easy and fun today. Even when the inner Rational Decision-Maker knows there's an impending task that needs to be completed (whether it's a thesis or preparation for a TED Talk), the Instant Gratification Monkey will seize every distraction at hand to frustrate that task's completion (until another entity -- the Panic Monster -- awakens). How does the Procrastination Matrix compare to the Eisenhower Matrix, and what tasks does a present-day procrastinator put off for their future self? Learn the different types of procrastinator -- the disastinator, the impostinator, and the successtinator -- and what it takes for the Rational Decision-Maker to overcome the incessant shenanigans of the Instant Gratification Monkey (without having to rely on the intervention of the dreaded Panic Monster). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/tim-urban-wait-but-why-episode-522/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jocko Willink (@jockowillink), commander for the most highly decorated special operations unit of the Iraq War, joins the show to talk about taking responsibility, discipline, intensity, and leadership to the next level as outlined in Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win. The Cheat Sheet: When making a decision, worrying about variables that can't be controlled is a waste of time. A better outcome is likely if we learn to focus otherwise wasted effort on factors that can be controlled. Understand why taking ownership of your mistakes, personal issues, and outcomes always gets better results than trying to pass blame to someone else. What does discipline = freedom mean? How do you stop small weaknesses that sometimes permeate discipline from having a negative impact on significant decisions? Is there such a thing as a natural leader? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jocko-willink-extreme-ownership-episode-521/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the fifth episode of Minisode Monday, where we'll talk about testing our assumptions! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Here's what's up today: The Cheat Sheet: Give someone who remembers WWII an iPod or comparable modern media player and they may not be able to wrap their brains around how it can store so much music and other content. Maybe because they used to have a record collection that took up half the basement, they have assumptions about how much space it takes to store that much media based on past experience that haven't been updated to account for modern, unfamiliar technology. No matter our age, we all carry around assumptions -- right or wrong -- about the way the world works. As we get older and the world changes around us, many of our assumptions naturally become archaic. But how many of our assumptions are fact-based or purely opinion? It's our programming that causes us to make these assumptions before our conscious mind can intercept them -- not just with technology, but with people, too. This week, whenever you catch yourself making assumptions about something or someone, put it to the test: is the guy at the deli with all the tattoos really a scary person? Is the movie theater ticket clerk really just an aloof teenager? Did someone snub you on purpose, or are they maybe distracted with their own issues? Some of the programming that triggers these assumptions may need rewiring -- and if you're ready to make that happen, here's a good place to start. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or email [email protected] (he reads everything)! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-5-testing-our-assumptions/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If a partner is going through therapy and the 12 steps for recovery from alcoholism -- and doing well -- is it reasonable to worry they might have a relapse because of their "proven" addictive personality? What causes someone not to take an opportunity -- even when they have an offer that would vastly improve their lives sitting right in front of them? A listener writes in to give us more great ways for long-distance couples to stay connected. Would you rather get a direct but short reply from a busy person, or a longer reply from someone who's been outsourced to answer that busy person's mail? As painful as breaking up with a romantic partner may be, it at least has social precedents to follow. But how do you break up with a friend -- or nip a one-sided friendship in the bud? (Check out our recent episode with Sam Harris for some insight into dealing with difficult truths over intellectual dishonesty. Foreign language hacks are a dime a dozen. So here's a triple foreign language hack that might help you learn a new language while putting those idle hours you spend on Facebook to good use. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-66-unfriending-in-real-life/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hines Ward (@mvp86hinesward) is a two-time Super Bowl champion and MVP of Super Bowl XL. He joins us to talk about how, in spite of just turning 40, he's just getting started. The Cheat Sheet: Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. By carving out his own niche in the game of football, Hines Ward proved he didn't have to be the tallest and fastest in the NFL to excel. How can someone in the spotlight stay positive even when faced with bouts of external negativity? In preparation for life post-game, Hines explains how he networked instead of playing Xbox all day like some of his contemporaries. What theme song "inspired" Hines during the swimming part of his Ironman triathlon? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/hines-ward-do-the-dirty-work-episode-520/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices