Shitty Cinema

This week we learn a few things like all kaiju bodies are beautiful, you're never too young to find out your mom's an eco-terrorist, and the sea of Japan couldn't satiate Casey's thirst for Ken Watanabe.

Listen, we would really love to tell you about this film, but a psychic space moth just sprinkled LSD everywhere, so we'll be in the corner licking the wall instead.

How does the Kmart knockoff version of Pacific Rim compare to the original? How drunk do you have to be to drive a robot? And was this movie your last attempt before succumbing to adult acting?

That one guy from Star Wars (no, the other one) and Charlie Day battle it out mechs versus monsters, leaving us to ask ourselves: where's the drunk guy in a rubber suit?

This week it took a special guest to help us figure out what the hell we just watched, and convince us that Satan baby can't hurt you in real life!

Two Van Dammes, one Cinema! The gang asks the age old question: who did it better, Van Damme or Lohan?

We'd love to tell you all about Kill em All, but it would be a HIPPA violation. So break a few "laws" this week with Shitty Cinema!

The boys try to convice Casey there's a difference between a security guard and a firemarshall, and the cinema reignites the gangs love for Powers Booth.

What's better than an abusive hermit teaching you how to fight? Contributing to deforestation by kicking down trees!

Thick thighs make the cinema rise! This sweeping epic gets sand in all the right places, and The Rock serves looks.

Dave makes us watch a Scientology commercial for 2 hours, and John Travolta doesn't. even. dance. Is he the pigeon hat bandit?

Before he was Captain America, Chris Evans stars in the strange tale about sniffers, pushers, and screamers. I swear it's not as dirty as it sounds.

Can a young Jack Black save this film, or is Shitty Cinema doomed to stare into Jason Biggs lifeless eyes the whole time?

Michael Keaton goes from being an orphan (Batman) to making his son one in this jolly (?) Christmas classic. The gang also learns about Juice's porn search skills.

1.) Never have children, their consumerism will kill you around the holidays. 2.) Never shower with Phil Hartman in your home.

Bill Goldberg punishes everyone you ever wish you could at Christmas. Except for the rednecks. If zombies have taught us anything, it is rednecks are impervious.

Can Mike the Miz be a ho ho ho? Could there BE a more suggestive job title other than rear admiral? Find out this week!

Hulk Hogan goes from millionaire to love and care in this strange classic. Trigger warning: the Pizza Hut kid is in the film.

Gingers, Twinks, and Drug Smuggling, OH MY!

Dave had one job.... come for the clowns get loaded into cannons, stay for the ending that the Usual Suspects should have had!

Millennials are responsible for ruining these industries (number 5 will shock you!) Listen in on the gang lampooning an MTV mob movie!

Casey dissects bank robbery etiquitte, Dave compares Adrien Brody's face of a stealth bomber, and the gang argues who Brody lost his virginity to: Toothpaste or Toothpicks.

Finally! A film where no one is trying to bang the dog (except the other dog)! It's basically the movie Taken, but with cute talking dogs.

As the third talking animal movie in a row we've watched, we've learned one thing... People really want to have sex with anthropomorphic animals

We aren't saying John Candy is into horses, but....

As someone pointed out "For a movie about taking animals, there aren't many taking animals in this".

A movie made to sell toys.... that couldn't afford a set! Join the discussion about how many buttons on a jacket is too many

"IN THIS HOUSE, DOC HOLIDAY IS THE BEST BATMAN YOUNG LADY!"

This week we watch watch Texas v. Russia Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots style, learn Dave doesn't know what q-tips are for, and that Van Damme said no to this film!

The gang dissects how to politely ignore mossy teeth, the joys of the Scottish mob, and how this movie may have ruined Jay's sex life.

What is better than an absentee father? A dead one according to Sidney Poitier! Grimace through bad Cosby rubber-facing and incredible ghost effects!

You've never wanted to see bees wipe out a room full of millennials more...

You will never want to speak your troubles again, only sing them a la Wayland Jennings! And don't forget to blame it on the Kelly's!

Kelsey Grammar reminds us of how flexible military chain of command is, and Casey KNOWS Rob Schnieder is sold into sex slavery... or a lobster boat.

A coked out Jerry O'Connell? Check. Porn stars? Check. A Jaws cameo? Check. Get out your floaties kids, cause we're going to the deep end!

Rooting for the main characters to die in the first five minutes is not a good sign... but you'd be a fool to miss this episode

Our Anaconda DOES want some... more of JLO and John Voight impersonating Tommy Wiseau in this balmy masterpiece!

What if your mom replaced one of your GI Joe's with a cup of warm jello? Yeah... it's kinda like that

This week we learned all dragons have the Sean Connery speech impediment, and that Dennis Quaid did the Christian Bale Batman voice long before Christian Bale did. Suck it Bale.

Visual herpes invades Shitty Cinema, and Randy Quaid is the only salve that can soothe us. Also, a secret Keaunu Reeves pops in!

Rocky and Bullwinkle, Keenan and Kel, and everything else you've never asked for. Deliver us to Quaid!

In communist Russia, car flies you!

A high stakes rock paper scissors tournament ran by Michael Douglas gets invaded by a schizo with a Ronald McDonald samurai persona. The gang also learns the dark secret of Chinese Chucky Cheese (come with children, leave sexy single free)

Have you ever wondered what would happen if DJ Khaled remixed the original Star Wars with a bad 70's Turkish film? We found out with TURKISH STAR WARS this week!

Casey discovers why research is important after making the gang watch a film entirely in Tagalog. Spoiler: knowing the dialogue would not have helped much.

Lifetime creates the new google, and find out about predators with painted on pants in your child's school.... tonight on Shitty Cinema!

LARPing has never been so sexy! The gang also learns why it's important not to teleport into solid objects.

That's no chihuahua, it's a chupacabra!

A snapshot of 90's culture; bangs, sororities, and mayo! Oh my!

Robocop teaches us the way of the dominatrix, and don't forget your car scraper for clout!