Make Your Damn Bed

Change your language to improve your mindset. YOU are not fat. You have fat. YOU are not depressed. You have depression. YOU are not insecure. You feel insecure. You are far more than the identities you have created for yourself. And you need to change your language to reflect that. Shift your mindset through shifting your language. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We don’t outgrow our desire for feeling seen and validated. We simply get less of that external validation because we have seemingly learned our lessons already - but that doesn’t mean we don’t all have growth to be made and behaviors to be improved upon. So why do we suddenly think when we’re a certain age - we no longer respond to positive cues?Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Encouragement, like motivation, is something that needs refreshing daily. It’s not to be dismissed as something that only kids and sports teams benefit from. We all do better with positive reinforcement, I promise. Start offering it to yourself and see how quickly things shift. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Human connection is so important - this is why we like to meet up with friends for drinks or family for dinners - so don’t skimp out on connecting with yourself, too. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

 A lot of us live in an all or nothing mentality all of the time. We see things in black and white despite our conscious awareness of the fact that most of the world is gray. Each fresh breath is an opportunity to begin again. Every time you start to feel hopeless, remind yourself it’s only hopeless when you stop holding onto hope - then grab onto that hope and make it happen. Don’t guilt yourself when you fall off track, because getting off track is normal and healthy. But don’t avoid getting back on just because you needed a moment to yourself.  Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’re the giving type, it probably means you struggle with receiving. I encourage you to take a step back form your identity as the generous friend for a while and allow yourself to accept things as they present themselves. Be it compliments, help, or physical gifts - you are deserving and worthy of these things. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Be realistic with your expectations, be realistic when you set plans, be realistic when you do literally everything in order to save yourself a lifetime of drama in the future.  Getting real with yourself takes time and practice and trial and error. Don’t be afraid to try things a few times before admitting it’s not for you at this particular time in your life. And watch how much energy, time, and life frees up for you. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sometimes, in the moment, we aren’t able see the bigger picture. We don’t understand why we’re met with resistance or bad luck or rejection - and years later, if we’re lucky, when we find out that it was actually a good thing all along, we will thank the people who rejected us because if not for that no, we may never have made it to where we are today. Sometimes we have to trust that the universe has our back just like we have the backs of our loved ones. Sometimes we have to trust that even though we don’t understand why the fuck this shit is happening to us - it’s in our best interest in the long run. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Take the leash off for a while. Play. Make messes. Get loud and don’t be afraid to look silly or stupid while doing so.  Follow the fun without fear. You are wiser and more in control now, so you can safely do so in a way that feels good. Don’t forget to throw caution to the wind every once in a while in search of your inner desire to feel joy in it’s rawest form. Channel the inner child that wasn’t yet afraid of everything before they were taught to be terrified of joy itself. That kid wants to come out and play without fear of being reprimanded - and only you can remind them it’s safe to do so. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you embody your own best parent, you become someone who knows what is best for you, wants what is best for you, does what is best for you, and helps you prepare for what is best for you. We all need that in our lives, and even the luckiest of us can’t rely on our parents for everything forever. We all have to get comfortable making the decisions for ourselves that best serves us in our best interest rather than what feels the best now - and that is what reparenting should do. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When I say float downstream, this is not a mindless or passive task. This is simply being mindful with the way your life is moving, making small choices to make it easier, and not resisting the path but rerouting it when you need to. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you don’t choose to uproot your own toxicity once in a while you will get sick. You will keep that toxicity inside which means it will eat you alive. Even if you don’t know it’s growing. Because if you ignore how bad your behavior can make you feel. And make others feel. You will never want to fix that behavior and it will continue to make you and others feel bad. Be willing to uproot your toxicity so you can become less toxic. Don’t be afraid of the fact that you have made mistakes that you have regrets and that you have done incorrectly by others in the past but make sure you are rectifying that shit in the future by addressing that shit now. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’ve all made snap judgments and it takes a long time to unlearn a lifetime of habit - especially one as natural as this - but trust me when I say, your preconceived notions about people are typically incorrect, and it may be a good idea to avoid making those judgments altogether. We all cast judgements without knowing any better, but it’s our responsibility to learn so we can know better, and when we know better we do better. When we do better, the world gets better. When the world gets better, everyone wins. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Genuine connection only comes from our ability to fully connect with our own desires and needs. We do this by getting clear before trying to communicate with others and then getting clear on how we choose to communicate with others. I have said this many times before: The temporary discomfort of openly communicating will save years of discomfort in the future. So be brave, be vulnerable, and be honest. If everything falls apart because of it, that shit wasn’t stable to begin with. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You are a person, not a test subject. Life is a journey not some race to enlightenment. You are welcome to just be. Stop using intellectualism to avoid feeling your feelings. Stop overanalyzing to avoid your emotions. And have the grace to do the same for your loved ones. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My parents made a lot of rules that didn’t feel like support at the time, that I absolutely consider supportive now. Support from my bra is uncomfortable but essential in some situations. Support looks and feels differently at different times - and that can be the angle you take with the people you love too. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The amount of attention you’re receiving or not receiving is not a reflection of your character. Life is a dance. We are moving all over the place and going around and around but not actually going anywhere notable in distance, because the where we start and where we end is not the point of dancing. The point of dancing is in the art itself. Sometimes we will lead and sometimes we will follow, but the dance is meant to be enjoyed and nothing else. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you have an idea for what you would you like to achieve in the future, take steps towards that. But if you aren’t sure - try everything until you figure out what you don’t want, then go from there. Don’t let anyone rush you. You’ve got the rest of your life to figure it out. Until then, find something that best works for you right now, where you are today. Not where you’d like to be in five years. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Focus in on what your life means to you, allow that meaning to change with you over time, and never allow anyone else’s interpretation of that meaning affect you. It’s really not your business how they interpret it. Plus, your interpretation is probably going to change at some point anyway. So what difference does it make? You don’t need to understand the ins and outs to enjoy the ride. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I realize now, if you’re doing it right, life is just a series of outgrowing yourself. Those choices, behaviors, routines, friends, experiences, and priorities that you used to make time for, out of necessity or desire or fear or boredom, at some point, just don’t appeal to you anymore. And you should be so fucking happy for that. When you begin to outgrow yourself, whether consciously or not, you will naturally outgrow some of the people around you. There will be people who don’t understand why you’ve changed, or don’t want you to change, or want you to stay right where you are, or simply don’t relate to you after your change. This is a natural thing. It doesn’t mean you can’t still love or care or hold space for that person or that time in your life, it means you must hold space for the person you were and the person you’re becoming. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The world hardened me through experiences, and time and time again I would work to soften myself back up. Eventually, I established a ratio of softness and armor, of love and fear, of precaution and fearlessness. It’s not always foolproof. I am a mosaic of my past selves, and you are too. What does your mosaic look like?Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I am starting to believe they want us all to turn into robots. Last time I checked robots we’re free of cellulite, body hair, farts, and emotions. But robots also don’t get to experience. They don’t get to create. They don’t get to love, or to feel, or to feel peace in a body that they’ve been taught to hate. Being a human being is fucking beautiful. What we have been taught as imperfections - are quite literally the most natural things in the world. Even if you have the only human body that has experienced it, that makes it a human trait. You humanize your own qualities by simply being human. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

 A repeated thought becomes a belief. A belief becomes a feeling. Those feelings and beliefs create your reality.  The insecurities that we have about ourselves become a self fulfilling prophecy as they do end up working against us to validate your truth. When you notice people treating you in a way and you feel hesitant or want to justify their behavior or whatever it may be stopping yourself and saying actually what if they do care what if I am worthy of love what if what if in a positive way instead of allowing your negative subconscious beliefs to hurt you continuously. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s good to be aware of when we’re talking just to talk or if we’re talking out of a place of insecurity or if we’re talking because we really believe it will foster a sense of connection. None of those reasons are inherently bad but we also need to recognize that we really don’t have to work so hard. Sometimes a simple no thank you is plenty of explanation. Sometimes a deep dive into your why isn’t warranted, expected, or appreciated. You are allowed to be a mystery to people without having to worry about how they interpret that mystery. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Unfortunately, we can’t have everyone we love be with us all the time forever, but we can ensure their legacies live on through our preservation of their memories. Ask questions, study the people you love, and let yourself enjoy the time you do have, with them. I doubt you will regret knowing too much about someone you love, so don’t be afraid to ask. You never know what magic you may uncover! Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I really don’t think there is such thing as closure unless you’re actually ready to close the door yourself. And some doors may never close fully, and thats okay too. Just make sure you’re not reopening them for selfish reasons when you do. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Closure does not really exist, at least how we’ve been taught. It’s more of an internal process than an external one. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A lot of us are working very hard on our lives, on ourselves, and on our development. We don’t even realize how quickly we are growing and changing because from our perspective, it may seem slow and tedious. Growing pains are no joke and if you don’t allow yourself time to adjust to these changes, your body may insist upon it. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I encourage you to try to respect the fact that our bodies know what is best sometimes better than we do. Because I personally know that my inability to slow down by my own volition makes it difficult for me to respect my body when it is requesting a break, kindly. So on the days it feels like it is forcing me to stay in bed - instead of getting depressed and down on myself and having a pity party for not being able to function like everybody else - I listen.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We cant control anyone else - thank god - but we can have an impact. Wouldn’t you rather impact people to believe in the things they enjoy rather than to feel shame around them? Let people be weirdos - and embrace that shit. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Objectively speaking, you’re an artist if you make art. even if it’s not up to your standards. If you paint, you are a painter, objectively, regardless of if the painting is bad. I am sure we have all been to museums with famous pieces that not only didn’t move us, but they kinda sucked. But would you not call Jackson Pollack an artist just because he got famous for a simple style of throwing paint onto a canvas? If you don’t know Jackson Pollack - he got super famous for the splatter type paintings, which is reenacted in many preschool classrooms because of it’s simplicity. But if you look back, he was an incredibly talented painter prior to bringing that style to the forefront. If you only see that splatter, today, on a backdrop of detailed paintings, you may misunderstand the work on the backend that he put in to get there. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The perk of being selfless, is it’s never fully selfless. You will feel good, the more you do good and the more you see good. And the more we feel the immediate rewards of doing and seeing good, the more likely we are to do and be good in the future. Keep promoting by simply doing, and reap the benefits of the dopamine hits that come from such kind gestures. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’re feeling stagnant or bored and don’t know what to do to get out of your rut - and want an activity to feel less directionless? Try writing down all of the things you’ve ever wanted to accomplish on flashcards or popsicle sticks or slips of paper or in the randomizer app. Then, when you’re feeling a bit restless, you can pull one of the things and focus your attention towards that accomplishment for the next few days. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can’t change the past - but you can learn from it. Don’t be afraid to sit in your regret for a moment, as long as you’re comfortable recognizing it as a signal of strength, too. You wouldn’t be the person you are today, unless you were bold enough to make the mistakes you made yesterday. Keep being brave enough to make mistakes and feel the regret you need to feel to know you’re becoming a better person every single day.  It takes a brave person to admit when they fuck up. We all fuck up. Don’t be ashamed of the fuck ups of the past - be proud of the improvements of your present.  Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Growing and living life means you will sometimes make mistakes or bad choices. Making mistakes means you will sometimes have to deal with natural consequences of those mistakes choices. But when we are afraid of being PUNISHED on top of these consequences, we’re less likely to try anything new. When you focus on retribution - you’ll become inherently fearful of retribution. Instead, realize some people will never learn from the consequences of their actions, but punishing them for that is likely punishing yourself in the long run. Cancel culture isn’t the problem. It’s people doing repeatedly doing shit they should be cancelled for and then not having to suffer the natural consequences for those choices. We should never be afraid of the natural consequences because that’s how we learn not to keep sticking the fork in the toaster. Be brave enough to make mistakes AND be brave enough to be held accountable. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Regardless of where you’re at shouldn’t be any extra shame when dealing with your emotional process. It’s hard enough as is and society really did us all dirty with this shit. So grieve. Be angry about it. And remember that anger and sadness (when released appropriately) are both healthy emotional reactions to fear. And the biggest threat to fear is love. So welcome any unwanted emotions with love and remember - you’re a human who is not only allowed but encouraged to feel the full spectrum of emotions - no matter what anyone has ever told you in the past. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you a person who acts mostly out of fear or acts mostly out of love? Do you show up to your day to day tasks because you feel like you have to and are afraid of the repercussions if you didn’t - or are you someone who shows up to your life because of love for yourself? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Familiar will typically always be more comfortable than the unfamiliar. Even if that familiar is fairly unhealthy. Many people are miserable and comfortable. Many people can find comfort in sadness. There is no shame in it, because often, we’re so used to the sadness, anger, or shame that we don’t even realize there is another way. Push yourself to be uncomfortable when it means you may find more peace or joy in the future. Allow yourself to find comfort and ease in the good, and not just the familiar. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’re allowed to take breaks - even from your partners - to reassess, come back, and refocus on what you need, expect, and desire in a relationship - and you can do so without burning bridges. IF you wait too long to address something, it can infect itself and cause bigger problems in the future. Why amputate if you could’ve just cleaned the scrape properly as soon as you noticed it? Try not to burn bridges that don’t need to be burnt. Communicate openly, with consideration for the other person’s feelings, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Taking a break may feel hard - but it’s less hard than burning bridges you may want to walk along in the future. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I talk about the importance of recognizing nuance in everything all the time - but we still often fall back into black and white, all or nothing thinking patterns that can cause us more harm than good. Let yourself be intuitive and make decisions from a place that feels good instead of afraid. It can and often will be both. You will have reasons to stay and reasons to go. You will have reasons to quit and reasons to try. You’ll have reasons to start and reasons to procrastinate further. You’ll have people who love you break your heart and you’ll both forgive them and fall into rage fits in the shower over the audacity of their behavior towards you who did nothing but love them. This is why change is hard. It’s why it feels nearly impossible to cut people off completely because normally people aren’t 100% bad - and often we’re able to hold on Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I think we get inundated with the knowledge that information, tools, and assistance is limitless - and we don’t often know where to begin. Start with something that feels realistic to your now. What tool can you integrate into your routine today that will help you tomorrow. Remember that new habits and routines take lots of time to get used to - and feel good doing consistently - but you’re allowed to change and drop and fix and simplify and complicate whatever the fuck you want anytime you want. You’re in charge of your life - but don’t forget there are plenty of people who think just like you - who have created tools that may help make your day to day living a bit easier. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s about doing what works for you - at a pace that feels good for you. It’s about finding your path to success in whatever that means to you. And since this is a new path for you - and you’re a unique individual - there is no right or wrong way through a forest - You just have to start clearing a path that makes sense to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get in the Practice of making and keeping promises to yourself that make your life better in the long run - and not just the now. Start by setting an intention for the week. You may want to think about a goal you’ve had for a long time - or something you struggle with committing to - or maybe something more specific like writing a screenplay or something big like starting college or a mindful intention like getting healthy. Whatever it is, once you’ve chosen your overarching goal - You will want to break up that task into bite sized, realistic, manageable pieces. By setting a reasonable daily goal to get you towards that intention and continuing to keep promises to yourself, your confidence in yourself and the project itself will increase. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s important to allow yourself criticism but it's also just as important to expect other adults to bear constructive, fair, and essential criticism too. If they get defensive and angry - that isn’t necessarily a safe place for growth. If we all want to achieve better - we have to get comfortable taking, offering, and accepting that none of us are perfect. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There is nothing better than getting a lurking task off of your to do list - especially if it’s been nagging you for more than a few weeks. Get out of your comfort zone - knock the shit out - then reward yourself for being such a bad ass. Instead of dreading that to do list every time you rewrite it and add the same old bullshit to the end of it, try breaking it up into manageable baby steps. Dedicate 10 minutes of intentional thought to the task every day for a few days and see if that helps build momentum around it. There are always ways to make things more enjoyable, by including someone’s company, adding music or entertainment options to the mix, or watching someone else on YouTube do it first. If you worry too much about the outcome or even the implications of what you have to do to get there - you may get overwhelmed - so instead, focus on the first step and take it. What MUST you do next to get started on the task - then do that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stop stressing and procrastinating because "it’s not going to be perfect” and make the process of planning it enjoyable - which will feel better than perfect could. Also, let’s not forget tastes change and the shit you’re obsessed with now may drive you up the wall in ten years. None of that specific shit really matters unless it’s genuinely sentimental to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cars are a literal miracle we have become so used to - we forget how amazing it is. Think about the fuel itself. Gasoline is combustible, dangerous, and potentially deadly if not used properly. But if you harness that incredibly powerful resource, you can make cars drive across the country and literal airplanes fly into the sky. Our emotions are the same way. Both big emotions and jet fuel, can both cause immense destruction if they’re not controlled, or, on the contrary if you focus a more tactful release can create beautiful movement, expansion, and experience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feeling Good should be the focus of your day to day. This does not mean to only do the things that feel good in the moment - what it means is to actively decide to change the way you feel about the shit you have to do. It takes time and practice. Commit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Your friends and loved ones often won’t feel comfortable inviting themselves into parts of your life because it’s yours and they don’t understand a thing about it. And, honestly, if that’s how you want to keep it, great. But if you feel like you’ve been lacking a sense of connection, don’t be afraid to occasionally allow the people you trust to join you where are you are you are your most comfortable and thriving! There’s something really magical about seeing people in their element. It can be incredibly inspiring of you to share your light with others and that means shining on your own, sometimes too. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Like anything, optimizing your space can be a slippery slope - and you may feel like it’s never perfect and can always be better. To you, I say relax. Fix what matters but recognize there is never a perfect solution to anything - and it’s about feeling your best. Stressing over what makes it the best is not feeling your best. Take a step back, ask yourself it’s working well enough for the time being, and move on. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.