Make Your Damn Bed

Parkinson’s Law - according to wikipedia, is the adage the amount of work expands to fill the time available for its completion. If you wait until the last minute, it only takes a minute to do. If you give yourself a week to do a two hour task, psychologically speaking the task will increase in difficulty to fill the time available. Typically stress and tension and overwhelm fill the space of the task. I’ve had months to do my taxes and the amount of stress thinking I have done considering doing the taxes, I could’ve completed the damn things three times over already. If you’re trying to clean your house and you don’t have a time limit, you may get caught up detailing a drawer for two hours but if a friend is on their way and you have 20 minutes to tidy - you’ll get more done in less time. Set a vision and a REASONABLE timeline to accomplish the tasks, and watch your time open up!https://www.atlassian.com/blog/productivity/what-is-parkinsons-lawSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I had high expectations for this trip, and while I only met a few of them - I am proud of myself for prioritizing the things that weren't optional for me. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Take care of sh*t before it compounds. Take care of future you. Ask yourself: "is this gonna cause me more pain/drama/stress in the future?" And if so, take care of it NOW. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cleaning tips for sloppy babes: NEVER LEAVE A ROOM EMPTY HANDED TOUCH IT ONCE STRATEGY - instead of putting it down, put it away CLEAN AS YOU GO DO EASY STUFF FIRST to inspire later stuffUSE TIMERS 5 MINUTE NIGHTLY TIDY Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Chores can be hella irritating because no matter how well you do them, you still have to show up and do them again in a day or so. I will be sharing some tips to make chores less tedious and more efficient, enjoyable, and sustainable. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In a healthy relationship, you will feel respected by your partner. Your emotions are validated and they don’t tell you how to feel or get angry with your emotional states. A healthy relationship means you and your partner respect that you each have lives outside of each other. You respect each others space, privacy, relationships, and goals. Encouraging each other to be full people outside of your relationship can make such a huge difference in both party’s mental health. A healthy partnership means each partner is treated as an equal. Conflicts can be rational and calm and openly communicated. You are both free to express your feelings and you understand each other’s boundaries and preferences within them.  A healthy relationship is definitely not always perfect, but abusive or controlling behavior should never be a part of a healthy relationship.  Partners treat each other like that - partners. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

TW: ABUSE https://stopthehurt.org/is-your-relationship-headed-for-trouble-recognizing-red-and-yellow-flags/Yellow Flags in a RelationshipEarly signs of abuse may be based on attempts to control the other person. Some “Yellow Flags” that a relationship is turning abusive include: Always checking in on you (by text, calling, or asking your friends/family/workplace where you are) Not supporting or encouraging you  Putting you down (in private or in front of others) Pressuring you to do things that make you uncomfortable. Becoming angry too quickly or unreasonably. Love Bombing – overwhelming you with affection and talk of the future very early in the relationship Red Flags in a RelationshipAbuse may escalate to a “Red Flag,” which is any behavior that attempts to gain power and control in a relationship. Common red flags include: Intimidation (through looks or actions) Threatening to harm you or loved ones (including pets) Damaging/destroying your belongings, or home Accusing you of being unfaithful without any proof  Using their financial power as a justification for their actions Showing extreme jealousy of your friends/family  Even one or two of these behaviors in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

@ALEX_ELLE on instagram: I stopped doing these things to create healthier relationships with others (and myself): Expecting people to read my mind. Instead, I started naming my needs and being clear about my boundaries.Pretending to be strong and okay when I'm not. Instead, I started being honest and vulnerable about my feelings.Being silent about the things that have hurt me. Instead, I started speaking up and having hard conversations with those around me.Dishonoring my boundaries to "keep the peace." Instead, I started advocating for myself.Punishing myself for not healing fast enough. Instead, I started giving myself grace and being patient with my process.Carrying emotional baggage that didn't belong to me. Instead, I started putting things down that I no longer wanted to carry.Overextending myself to make everyone happy. Instead, I started saying no, I can't, or I don't want to do that.Trying to get people to change, heal, and grow. Instead, I started meeting them where they were and accepting them for who they were.Staying in relationships that have expired. Instead, I decided to part ways with love and compassion.Refusing to let go because I was too scared of what could come next. Instead, I started releasing the things I knew were no longer healthy for my growth.Avoiding conflict and hoping things would "just get better." Instead, I started facing conflict head-on, even if it felt uncomfortable.Excusing unhealthy behavior because "I love them." Instead, I learned that I can love people and choose not to engage.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’re struggling to know whether or not you’re falling victim to the sunken cost fallacy in your current relationships, there are some reflective questions you can ask to check in and ensure you’re not settling. Do you feel like you need to stay in your relationships?Or do you feel like you want to stay in your relationships?Do you resent the amount of time or energy you’ve put in? Or do you focus more on the amount you’ve grown and changed together through that energy?If you find yourself focusing more on the things you’ve lost in your relationships (which are things you can never recover) rather than the things you have gained? (which is growth you can never lose) than you may be staying out of obligation rather than desire - which is a surefire way to build resentment and toxicity in your relationships, if you haven’t already. Realize that past investment is exactly that. Your time and your energy and your efforts cannot be recovered - no matter what happens next.Ask yourself, if you were starting over today, would you choose this person again? I do that regularly when I clean out my closet and decide what clothing gets to stay - as well as with my relationships and friendships to really ensure that I am continuously choosing people who are best for me and where I would like to go. Then imagine what the future will likely look like if things remain as they are right now, with your person. What do you feel about that? Would anything NEED to change on your end or on their end to make a happy union more likely?Think about a time when you have left a relationship in the past. Is that a relationship you wish you had back? Probably not. Making the decision to leave is often the hardest part. But cutting your losses now will be easier than cutting even higher and broader losses in the future. (WEBSITE) says: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-could-be-keeping-you-in-bad-situations/“If you find yourself fixating on ‘getting your money’s worth’ out of unenjoyable experiences or lose sight of your future goals, one helpful strategy is to consider what you’d advise a friend or family member to do in a similar situation. Flexible thinking and self-compassion are invaluable. They can also help us realize that the only way to ‘win’ an unwinnable game is to stop playing it.” - Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

People seem to think because they have invested months or years of time into a person that they shouldn’t give up on the potential for them to change, when their current reality is miserable and undeniably better if they cut ties. I have heard countless friends justify staying too long bad relationships with “but we’ve been together for so long” or “I’ve put so many years into this,” or and “we’ve worked so hard at it,” or “We just have so much history” The key to not falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy is by being real with yourself about the reality of your current state and remember that ALL sunken costs cannot be recovered. Forget the past instead of dwelling on what used to be or how hard you worked, instead get real about the current costs and current benefits - and if the current costs aren’t outweighing the current benefits or looking like they’re going to realistically change in the foreseeable future, you gotta cut your losses. Remember as humans, we have a tendency to fear losses more than we expect gains - so we must keep that in mind when we find ourselves clinging to things that we’re far better off without. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

staying aligned with that favorite version of you, in every situation, no matter how stressed, how hungry, how angry, how frustrated, how down, how unheard you feel, is the highest form of alignment and self-mastery in my honest opinion. If you can still make choices that make your favorite version of you feel the most proud, no matter how crappy and off kilter you feel? It’s not easy - it may not even be doable for all of us - but damn it’s a beautiful thing to strive for. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you do find it to be a struggle to know what the next best choice is for your current self - channel that version of you that feels the most badass before you make a decision? If you need to create a more confident alter-ego, great! Whatever you need to do to ensure you’re making the choices that make you feel the most empowered on a regular basis. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don’t be afraid to go after anything you want even if you’re a lil scared its not the perfect fit because who the hell cares if its a temporary gig, at the very least you’ve got a dope party story and best case scenario you get to combine all your skills into the ideal life for yourself. Open yourself up to new experiences, be brave, face the what if I hate it’s with so what if I hate it - at least I frickin’ tried. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the book, Stumbling on Happiness, Dan Gilbert says: "Most of us do have the expectation that our lives are improving and will get better and better, but often we’re not ready to do anything to actually achieve that next level. So, we spend our days hoping for better, our evenings dreaming of better, but our time doing nothing to make anything better - which means - things probably aren’t actually improving for us. We’re just hoping and dreaming, which is fine, but if those hopes and dreams started to spill into your genuine world of expectations in any way, it can be a painful reality check to realize your fantasies are simply fantasies. Those feelings of peace, luxury, decadence, freedom, love, connection, or whatever else I am seeking through the lil imagination beach getaway of my mind, that’s what I want to create more of. I want more of the feelings, not the environments I am convinced will create those feelings.  When I realized that that’s the perk. The escapism into my head, is the perk I am looking for, and not the dream home, because the dream home downs exist. There is no such thing as the villa I created because life isn’t a fantasy.So stay optimistic AND realistic. Ask yourself what you are really seeking through your hopes and fantasies and see if you can manifest more of that, now. In your current space. Let your optimism drive you towards discovering more of it, in your life rather than allowing it to remind you of where you may be lacking it.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Save the work until you get to the work. So often, we get caught up in our heads about potential problems and our workloads that we basically double the work on our plate by basically having to go through it twice. Have you ever been driving to work and pre-writing emails, or pre-planning meetings, or predicting problems? How many times have you left a job and started planning for the next day? Or worse - deciding what you can finish when you get home? Some jobs don’t allow you to leave the work at work - but I still encourage you to schedule in adequate time to take c are of yourself so you don’t burn out. In the show abbott elementary - which I cant get enough of and think everyone should watch immediately it’s so funny and heartfelt - but in case you haven’t seen it I will butcher a beautiful moment in my retelling of an episode where the main character was trying to do everything in her power to “save the school” on her own and she kinda screws everything up in a comedy of errors and another teacher offers a beautiful monologue explaining that the more experienced teachers aren’t stepping into the line of fire because they don’t care but because they don’t want to burn out. We care so much we refuse to burn out. If we burn out who’s here for the kids?And that’s something I had to learn the hard way as a teacher. I had to learn that in order to make the difference i was so desperate to make - I had to preserve my own wellbeing first. I had to create healthy boundaries or id work myself to the bone and never be able to recover. If you take it like a staircase instead of a projectile, you’re less likely to fall straight back down to the earth.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When being propositioned for anything, practice saying oh that sounds great can I get back to you in ____ insert appropriate time frame here. I typically tell people I will put it in your calendar and check back in closer to the date. Then immediately I will set a second calendar event for a week or a day or so prior to the event reminding me to check in about it. That way I can have time to flesh my schedule out and decide with adequate reflection if it’s something I actually do want to attend or I just felt obligated to in the heat of the moment.  Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's (and tomorrow's) episode references: https://time.com/4116259/google-search-2/https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2019/11/02/expert-tips-for-google-search/4113013002/Duck Duck Go: Private searching browser. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good morning sunshine!Hope today is magic for you.Today's (and tomorrow's) episode references: https://time.com/4116259/google-search-2/https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2019/11/02/expert-tips-for-google-search/4113013002/MEDIA BIAS CHART EXPLANATION: https://adfontesmedia.com/how-ad-fontes-ranks-news-sources/ https://www.allsides.com/media-bias/media-bias-rating-methods1. Language is important. You don’t want to write when did such and such start if you really want to know when something was founded vs. established, or published vs. written. Figure out what you REALLY, specifically are looking to find out, and choose the appropriate (but fewest possible) words to get you there. 2. Don’t lead the witness. When asking a question, google for the answer don’t ask if your answer is right - you may just find other people who agreed with you confidently enough to publish a website but not enough to figure out you’re both incorrect. 3. Use quotation marks to get results with those exact key word phrases included in the results. Choosing and putting quotes around important contextual words can help get you more useful results, more efficiently. According to USA Today article, Google’s advice is to add or remove words in your query to see different results, starting out with a broad search and narrowing it down as you go.The word order matters in your searches, so try one way then the other if you’re not getting the results you want. 4. In addition to quotation marks, you can also add - minus sign to your search to remove things you don’t want to see in the results. Like if you’re looking for a new car but don’t want a certain type, you can put -convertible so you don’t have to see convertibles show up in your results. There needs to be a space before the minus sign and then not before the word you’d like to exclude. The opposite is true for the + plus sign to ensure anything you add after MUST be included in the search results. Similar to the “quotation mark” strategy but this one is more for single keywords. 5. You can also use an asterisk * if you forget a word in a quote or a common sentence that is essential for the search. 6. I am personally a huge fan of image search. I find a lot of things I need, like resume examples, quotes, scripts, etc. are created in PDF or visual form and you don’t have to scroll through all the various webpages seeing if the information you want even exists. Just scroll through images quickly to see if it’s there. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I feel the need to remind us all that truly unbiased humans don’t exist so truly unbiased news sources can’t exist either. Buuuuuut, luckily there are some resources that don’t explicitly sell out to advertisers, politicians, agendas or whatever else people get brainwashed by or choose to sell their souls for and fortunately for us - that means there are the occasional resources that opt for good journalism and with that, we have something to work with!  By now you may have seen the media bias chart by Vanessa Otero to see how 104 news outlets rank on reliability and bias. When we’re consuming content of any kind, but especially informational or educational stuff, and especially especially the news, we should not only be very conscious of the reliability of our sources but also become more selective and choosy about WHAT we’re consuming from those sources, how we’re consuming that information, how often we’re consuming it. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

sometimes when I am really missing the beach - and I can’t make it to the lake because it’s 17 degrees outside - I put on my insight timer to beach sounds, get a lil high, put the fan on full blast and the heater on my toes and I imagine that I am on the beach while I meditate. In the summer, I go to the lake and sincerely pretend it’s Florida. And I gotta say - pretending works. Plus, when you do inside beach, you don’t have the fish smell or the seagulls so I mean - there are bright sides to everything.Ever since I did the episodes on the power of imagination I have been finding ways to lean into my best life EVEN if I have to imagine it. I set up my environment as effectively as possible and I imagine it as well as I can fulfilling my wildest fantasies in the most vivid way possible. It’s helping too - it made me realize I was under optimizing my home environment, which is making me appreciate what I already have available, a lot more. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I don’t think there is any industry that people discourage more immediately and blindly than they do of anyone pursuing a life in the arts. People are happy to tell you how hard it is - but they’ve never tried. They claim safer industries and careers and condescendingly claim to admire your passion while silently offering fearful judgements and thinly veiled disappointment in you. Being someone who has chased both a “safe” and a “risky” career - I can honestly say - art is an admirable field partially because of all the doubt we face. But it’s not as impossible as people make it out to be. Sure immediate overnight success and becoming a millionaire may be a bit out of touch as far as goals go - but making a sustainable career in the arts is not only possible - but it’s commonly done. I’m not saying it’s easy - but dammit I am so tired of people pretending it’s not something that is even possible. Art is a billion dollar industry - Creativity is all around us - we’re all consuming it all the time - almost every industry needs and pays a creative of some kind and regardless - so it’s wild to me that people are so discouraging about those of us who want to pursue something creative or out of the ordinary as a career. There are thousands of actors we don’t know the names of - who are happily making a solid career doing what they love on a smaller scale. And I’m sure they feel like they aren’t successful if the relative scale is Meryl Streep but if the regular scale is real life- people who hate their cubicle jobs and make the same amount as he does - I’d say that he was actually incredible successful. Sure, art a very difficult career trajectory for a lot of reasons - but let’s not forget a lot of “safe paths” are difficult as hell to become successful in, too. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do the prep work, then forget about it. You’re more likely to be able to handle whatever the universe throws at you if you’re already ready to handle what was expected.  It’s less stress to prepare for a mess than it is to be surprised by one.Most of the time, I am proud to be the prepared friend. My official @MYDBPodcast tote bag is never lacking on snacks, lotions, hot sauces, or pens. I carry a sewing kit, and I’ve typically mapped the place and scoped the menu a few times before we arrive. If they do reservations, I will call them on the way to make sure we’re not forced to wait any more than we have to. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPECIAL EPISODE: Evening wind down guided meditation. Take and adapt this lil wind-down to fit your needs! Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPECIAL EPISODE: this is an adaptable guided meditation to help you wake up in the morning and recharge with positive, warm energy for the best possible start to your day! Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

if you’re like me - and you have ever felt resistance or a sense of overwhelm with trying to convince yourself that you need to meditate and seem to struggle sitting down for three to five minutes at a time, and cant quite understand why? I get it, bc I’ve been there. Quite a bit. And in my experience, the best way around that resistance is to remind yourself that meditation is not a time to DO meditation and all the other pre-assigned definitions of the word - you’re kinda defeating the purpose of the damn practice in itself, which is to release expectations.So, instead of stressing out finding the right insight timer, or worrying about how hard it’s gonna be to clear your head, or how much you don’t feel like focusing on your breathing, drop all that shit and just focus on showing up as you are. Switch from “damn, i should get up and go meditate” towards “I love the time and peace I get to create through taking time and space for myself by doing and being nothing for a few moments every day.” For me, personally, when even the idea of meditating is off-putting, i don’t tempt fate by wrestling with finding the right guided voice - I simply turn on the timer on my phone and breathe. If I struggle to focus on my breath and it’s not a good vibe - I toggle between two mindfulness strategies that my friend Casey introduced me. Because typically if I am unable to focus on my breath for more than a minute it’s a signal for me that it’s a good time to either release something or fill my cup up a bit cuz I am running on empty. Depending on what I need more of in that moment, I kinda vibe with an internal guided monologue which I want to encourage you to listen through the one I will be sharing with you so you can create your own version that feels right.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In my opinion, the only true, long term solution to not wanting to stay in bed all day, and that is to create genuine motivation to get your ass out of bed and begin your day. Obviously knowing you have to do taxes wont get you out of bed but knowing you have a zoom friend date with some grocery store sushi and a bestie from middle school this evening is far more likely to get your ass amped for making moves. Focus on the parts that sound good. I don’t like making my bed but I love having a tidy space, so I focus on that. I don’t like showering but I like feeling clean and smelling good, so I focus on that. I don’t like making breakfast but I love housing it. So I focus on that. Figuring out what truly gets you going, isn’t easy. It’s a lifelong journey of trial and error and a bit of discomfort for most people - but a good place to start is anywhere. So just start looking, figure out what works and try to have a bit of fun in the process. Life is not meant to be all work and no play. But if you’ve ever done too much play and not enough quality work - you know you can also get burnt out with that too. Find your balance. Ideally you can work towards creating work and play that suits you in a way that makes it easier to get out of bed and get your day started. When we create a good mix of both fun and purpose, we feel more balanced in general and less resentful that one isn’t the other.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When it’s time to start moving there are a variety of tactics I find myself cycling through to effectively get myself off my ass and in a better energetic mindset for the day. Some ways to help you get out of bed: MYDB PODCAST: Listen to the Make Your Damn Bed Podcast + practice associating it with starting your day.PLAYLIST: Put on a hype up/game day playlist and blast it. BLAST OFF: count down 3-2-1 and bounce up on the 1. BUG DROP: Imagine bug on you, get up with a jolt + scream. SHAKE OUT: Start shaking + wiggling until your energy rises. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you want to participate in discourse get educated if you’d like to have opinions. Ideally you are only listening to multiple Reputable sources from different organizations and areas and are as unbiased and unsponsored as possible.  then - if you have the capacity to do something to help in any way - which I have to be honest, I don’t know that writing our alderman is really gonna work on this one so if you have suggestions, I’m all ears and down to do what I can to fight the good fight - but once you’ve researched, educated, and done what you can to be of support, you gotta set it down. That shit is heavy and will weigh you down in ways you don’t even know if you aren’t careful. If you are safe, currently, and have the privilege to set it down, please do so.  Get to know when you’re starting to burn out. Recognize signs of obsession, fatigue, burnout, fear, anxiety, and take breaks. Schedule and stick to times you will and wont research and discuss this shit, etc. and so on. Whatever you need to prevent burnout so you can be the most well rounded, protected and accounted for version of yourself is always gonna outweigh being the the most profoundly educated or motivated. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I believe, in general, if bad news or even just the idea of news genuinely incapacitates you from life and you cant deal with learning or knowing or watching or doing anything that makes you feel heavy, fuck it. You are under no obligation to learn or know or watch or cater to anything heavy for a while.  Nobody is checking you to ask what you know or what you don’t know about current events. Don’t feel guilty if you need to sit this one out. Maybe check in with the real world once in a while because if you want to function and also sustain boundaries in our society it’s always helpful to be informed, but if you really do need to sit a couple weeks of news cycles, do that shit. If you never need to look at the news again, great. Boycott it. People survive in this world all the time without knowing a damn thing about a damn thing and we are none the wiser. Do whats best for you. That said, if you are more on the cusp of this concept and, like a lot of people, see the value and maybe even like to know what’s happening in the world but still struggle with how and how much and when and where and all that shit, this is for you. And if you are like the person above that really does believe learning about the current conditions of the social and environmental climate is genuinely not worth your time, I encourage you to listen anyway because I may have snuck in a few nuggets of wisdom for you, too. Lemme start by saying, there are a lot of valid reasons to want to avoid the outside world. Maybe You’re like me and you are a very sensitive sally and when everything sucks and hurts out there, it also sucks and hurts in here. If this is you, too. I’m telling you, I get it. That said - we really gotta learn boundaries so we can feel safe when life happens and not feel like wee have to hide all the time. Because we really gotta know the bullshit so we can better understand the bullshit if we want to have any chance of figuring out how to how prevent, stay out, and help others out of the bullshit if we do have ANY window of control, which most tragedies don’t allow for but regardless, knowing the basics of whats going on is typically something that makes me feel slightly more in control. So, whatever your thing is - find your motivation to learn about shit way we can continue to feel in the loop but not bound by it. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Be raw when you can because it shows others they can be raw too and it also shows the world it’s okay to need shit, to not be perfect, to have blemishes, and make mistakes. Life is nuanced - what you compare yourself to should be too! Don’t get stuck in echo chambers of single minded, neutral looking, straight sized bodies. Diversify, branch out of your comfort zone, and be more objective with the content you’re digesting and letting into your baseline of comparison. Whatever your passion is, keep doing it. Don’t waste time chasing after success or comparing yourself to others. Every flower blooms at a different pace. Excel at doing what your passion is and only focus on perfecting it. Eventually people will see what you are great at doing and if you are truly great success will come chasing after you. - Suzy Kassem. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Had a great revelation during the recording session of the relative comparative baseline series and wanted to share it with y'all! I am spending a lot of time findin' the right balance that works best for my style and preferences and most optimized results. With trial and error, I find more and more things that I find surprising to admit they genuinely bring me joy. Who would've thought bringing a broom to the workspace could make a girl so excited to work?Back to the finale of the series for relative baseline comparison, tomorrow! Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And every new human I meet and every new story I learn only encourages me more to show up fully in my own life. I like knowing the wide world has lots of options and there is not any expectation for me to be the best or worst of anything. I will fall somewhere in between and where I land is ultimately up to me and fate. If I follow the kardashians I am far more likely to end up on amazon buying waist trainers and brow Gel than when I follow financial literacy influencers who send me spiraling towards investment articles and financial planning appointments.and I am not saying your social media and social group has to be all education and elevation and optimization. I am simply encouraging you to diversify the shit out of your baseline. Plus, the more realistic you set your baseline - the more realistic your own expectations for your own life get and the better and you feel in the process of obtaining the one that works best for you.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

if people who are raw and “UGLY” or messy or open or authentic online, and that is off-putting to you - check in on why - is the reason valid or is the hesitation because you’re so used to seeing perfectionism and unrealistic expectations in your feed?I know people very personally who share very misleading versions of their lives online which genuinely makes me jealous even though I see them and know the reality behind it doesn’t actually make me feel that way. It almost doest matter that we know its fake. It’s like the cousin with the box analogy I used yesterday - If I didn’t know the flashy toy existed I wouldn’t care but damn my box looks like shit all of a sudden even though this box has been my favorite box in all the land for a very long time. We all have our shiny toy/box metaphor. It may be bodies that don’t look like yours - which for me - following fitness influencers and half naked confident humans with atypical bodies has changed my take on what is genuinely beautiful and I have always been a very inclusive lover but damn sexiness changes when you see it in various forms. Plus it’s helped me know the power my curves hold - which is an episode for. Different day.But maybe following fitness influencers that are both similar and different than you can show you bodies like yours and smaller and larger than yours can do hard things and so can yours if you start small but show up consistently. Also - this is no shame to anyone who enjoys filters or photoshop - it’s just saying - as soon as we recognize how inauthentic the things we’re comparing our lives to are - the better we are at setting our own standards and expectations for ourselves in a way that promotes long term happiness and sustainable success. If social media isn’t motivating you - change your feed to be more motivating. And I know I’ve said this a million times - but this time I’ve backed it with science and substantial reasoning so ha! Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A good place to start when it comes to expanding your baseline of comparison and relativity - is social media. And I recommend starting to realign that by looking around you - does everyone at the grocery store in your area look like the people that come up in your timeline feed? Or is your feed filled with one type of body or person? One type of content? If it’s all puppies or recipes - great. But if the influencers, friends, bots or whatever that make you feel like shit or feel like you need to buy more shit - you need to reset the baseline and reevaluate your relationships. Diversify diversify diversify. The more broad our spectrum is for comparing ourselves, the more likely we are too find a comfortable place in the middle of it.If I only follow bikini models - next time I see my body in a bikini - my brain will filter through the last few reference points for what this is “supposed to look like” and if it can only find bodies that don’t resemble mine - I may not feel as comfortable as I would if I was following people of all body types rocking all different types of swimwear and proving to my brain that they not only look amazing and confident but they also encouraged me to wanna look that good and confident in my own version of this metaphor. I like to think of social media as a tool and a resource that can inspire, educate, and motivate you. Of course, you can use it as entertainment, but even then - that’s a tool that can empower without damage. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Day III of series. Please go back to day one if you're new here! If you chronically feel not good enough - your baseline of comparison is probably too fucking high and unrealistic. Reevaluate and recalibrate that shit. The grass is always greener and our brains are designed to get bored of repetition so novelty is more important than getting ‘the best of the best’. Basically, we need to remember that comparison can be great for leading us towards our deepest wants and desires. Of course, it can also be a trap - we can often find ourselves fighting to experience shit that our friends experienced just because we saw it existed and that looked cool enough to distract us from our own goals but in reality - you will only reach true inherent success and happiness if YOU choose what creates that for you. And only you can know that. So change your baseline of relativity to reflect what you actually want and where you are to create a more realistic and reasonable comparison window that makes you feel inspired instead of lesser than - and you’re likely to stay the course that actually brings you TRUE real lasting happiness without distracting you with other baselines that aren’t even relevant to your actual pursuit of personal success or joy.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This extra special extended episode features the incredibly brilliant Dr. Darcy (you can find her and take the quick lil trust quiz at www.thetrustquiz.com) and we chat about common relationship drama, inheriting generational trauma, and why we act out around our mama*.*I did this for the rhyme, we cover why we get meaner to the people we are closest to, but you get it. I hope you enjoy this episode as I did making it happen for y'all! Hope the rest of your day is half as magic as you. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Success as a whole is relative - which means it’s kinda bullshit. They did a study on people wanting to own nice cars based on the proximity to lotto winners who won or immediately purchased nice cars and the chances of you investing in a new car multiplied by 50% ish if you were in the neighborhood and 80% if you were the next door neighbor. If your social media feed is filled with mean, fake bodied, rich influencers who manufacture every post to look casual - you will absolutely think that your real, genuine, authentic casual life is pale by comparison. But if you follow people who are being vulnerable and honest - posting photos without edits and makeup and posing and curating and filters and stylizing and whatever - you’re more likely to see that other people’s houses aren’t always tidy or they also have bags under their eyes or their hair also does that weird thing like yours - and you’re less likely to feel lack in your comparisons. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A big part of our personal baseline of happiness is based on our relative comparison to the world around us. Basically - we are only as happy as is appropriate to the level of happiness we believe the people around us are. In the most laymen terms - we are constantly comparing to what we know but we typically don’t know the whole story. Even when we’re aware of this shortcoming, we still seem to measure our own happiness and success by comparing ourselves to others. Studies show that bronze medal winners are happier than silver because they are comparing to the baseline of almost not ranking and the silver medal winner is more likely to be a bit disappointed because they’re comparing their baseline to ALMOST winning gold. Generally, we wouldn’t want nice cars or decent jobs or great educations if the society around us didn’t put value on that shit. We’d never buy name brands if we didn’t see other people - that we have deemed successful and happy - with those brands. Comparison is the thief of joy, but in a lot of ways it’s also the creator of it. So stay conscious of this shit, if you can and recognize when your baseline you’re using to compare yourself is unrealistic, unattainable, or just plain unattractive to you. Tomorrow I will continue this relative comparison series with some more examples from my real life and some ways to combat it’s tendency to make us feel like we’re lacking in comparison to the world around us. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Take time to make time. I recently spent 30 seconds to fix a drawer that has been inconveniencing me only slightly for the last 8 years. My life has changed dramatically since taking that 30 seconds out of my day and probably saved me 5 minutes of frustration already, and I only just fixed it.Look for ways in your life and surroundings where you can take a little time to make a little time. It’s worth it. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’re not taking time for yourself you’re making more of it.  When you're trying to catch up or get out of a funk, don’t focus on the tasks - focus on YOU and your systems and your foundations and the rest will fall into place. It sounds counterintuitive but when you take the extra time to eat your veggies and drink your water and shower and tidy and show up for yourself first - it actually buys you time to show up for the other shit better in the long run. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

https://www.nedratawwab.com/set-boundaries-find-peaceI have always struggled with boundary setting and even though I recognize my people pleasing tendencies now and avoid falling into the same patterns most of the time - I still struggle with saying no to things I like doing. It’s a weird thing - I can say no without explanation to any fucking thing that doesn’t interest me -but I will rework my entire schedule to accommodate anyone and anything if it means getting to do another thing I like doing. As you probably know based on some of the more vulnerable moments I have shared the past few days, I have been feeling a bit behind and overwhelmed in general. That said - other than the dog’s medical stuff - the overwhelm that I have been feeling is all things that are 1. Self inflicted and 2. Enjoyable tasks for me when I am in a more regulated state of mind. Don’t be afraid to analyze the boundaries you have with yourself. Do you go to bed when you want to or do you rebel against you own best interest in an effort to regain a sense of control before bedtime. Do you respect yourself enough to tidy the spaces that you know you work better after tidying? Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Keep an open mind and see if you can squeeze anything valuable out of the experience - you may be surprised at what you gain by doing so.How to set yourself up for a resounding TAROT session: 1. Get in an energetic alignment with the part of you that wants to gain insight from the reading. Even if its just a general reading - really take your time to breathe, get comfortable in the space and allow yourself to really buy into the experience for the time being. I have had readers that shuffle for me and some that allow me to shuffle my own read and I personally like to put my energetic alignment into the cards themselves. This helps me to connect with where I am and really get present by providing a tangible, grounding device. 2. Set your intention for the experience you want to have. What do you want to know? Again, even if it’s a general reading - set your intention on buying in and resonating with what you can and leaving behind what you can’t.3. Ask if you can have a moment to look at the cards without interruption for a moment and see if you have any unforeseen insights that arise by looking at the images that came up. I love how each tarot reader interprets in their own style but has the basic meanings of the cards that speak the same truth so I feel like going in with little preconceived notions about the cards at all and simply interpreting them earnestly without prejudice is a great way to kind of see or find out where you’re associating and protecting your own feelings into your own perspective of your issue or what have you. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

even barring the magic altogether - tarot is such a powerful tool for reflection, connection, inspiration, insight, and perspective. Throughout my life there have been certain people that just inspire the heck out of me and fill the hell out of my cup so that when were done hanging my creativity is piqued and my inspiration is sparked and I want to clean my space and write and live. But those people typically appear like lil glimmers in my life - we may live far away or I have people who inspire me sure, but the ones that give me the friendship super power energy - those may be too powerful for even me to be able to be nonstop interacting with - but who knows maybe one day I will meet my match. The point is - the way I felt after hearing my reading left me with that feeling of inspiration. I kinda put it in the same place in my head as treadmill legs - like you feel a little lighter and a little floatier but you know it’s all in your head. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

as always the case for me when it comes to Make your Damn Bed and basically ANY other content or human being that speaks to you ever - you should be generating your own informed opinions by looking at diverse and credible sources before communicating, or honestly even formulating, any opinions of your own, and I Julie Merica have not ever claimed to know what the hell I am talking about - so it’s all opinions.  Long story longer - It took me a long time to be fully comfortable when my cute lil witchy friends would talk about the moon or crystals and tarot. And now I am at the point where I have fully bought in. I truly adore interactions that I don’t find boring or tedious and people who buy into magic are not only not boring but some of my favorite kind of people because they haven’t given up hope like the rest of us negative nellies - and magic is beautiful and undeniable in certain capacities even if you believe in science there is stuff science cant explain and even still - I truly think science is just the magic we CAN explain - you may remember my airplane episode - I think nearly everything cool is literal magic but here we are. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On a recent episode of Queer Eye (Craw Zaddy) the client (Todd) said something that hit me hard: "ya know sometimes, it's too easy too exist and too hard to live." and as someone who as fully agreed with that statement at certain times in my life, I now believe it's a trap. The effort you put into LIVING will make life easier - which will in turn make it easier to exist altogether which you'll no longer want to simply do because you'll have tasted the sweet nectar of living. You’ll never regret showing up for yourself and if you’ve been busy just existing start slow life gets better when you choose to make it better unless you get real lucky. The reward system with effort is ten fold. ^^^Which is what I keep reminding myself over and over and over whenever I have a rough day/week/month like the one that is occurring for me currently as I realize I didn't save this episode properlly. Honestly, I am just overjoyed the majority of it did save. Tiny victories - and new (more specific and difficult) lessons learned. luh you, Off to bed. BYEEEE. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've been vegetarian or vegan for the past 16 years so here are some of my go-to tips and tricks for increasing your plant intake and decreasing your consumption of meat. I would love to challenge you to do a meatless day every week or a meatless meal Monday or at least a mindful minute in which you search for more locally sourced products and research where your meat that you’re consuming actually comes from! It may surprise you.If you are vegetarian maybe try vegan one day or one meal a week. Tag me in your favorite vegan and vegetarian recipes and I can start sharing my favorites in my newsletter if you’re interested in that, lemme know. HAVE A GREAT DAY, SUNSHINE. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

CW: Been really reevaluating my relationship with alcohol lately.Follow Samantha: https://www.empoweredspirituality.online/ If you have strategies that you use to set boundaries with yourself like “ill only spend $30, I’ll set intentions for every sip, I’ll switch to water after 2” whatever - let me know. Tag me @MYDBPodcast on IG or [email protected] Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

good morning sunshine. This episode is Julie sharing a few thoughts about style, refreshing a space, and the energetic ties we hold to dust. Talk to you tomorrow! Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We often let ourselves get swept up in other peoples problems as a way to avoid dealing with our own bullshit or sometimes just because it’s hard not to - like I said - energy is contagious as fuck and toxic energy is the most contagious of all. So we have to definitely be aware of that reality and get comfortable catching ourselves when we start sinking into the cycles that we don’t want to get into. This is why - I think - so many people harp on the importance of a healthy social group - because toxicity travels. It spreads. But so does positivity. When your friends are fired up about life and hyped about the day ahead - you’re far more likely to be psyched up too. If you have to spend every day picking your friends out of the slumps - and they don’t want to get out on their own - you’re more likely to join them in the slump than they are to escape it. You can absolutely bring other people up but they can bring you down twice as easily. So be conscious of your own place, your own energy, your own mindset, and how you’d like to experience a situation before you enter it so you can more effectively notice and catch whenever someone is dragging you into their mess. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank y'all for understanding I needed a minute. Sometimes all ya have to do is communicate you're having a problem and people may surprise you with a solution. There really is a lesson in everything, huh?Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.