Fully Functional Parents

Cause I can’t stop eating Chex Mix!! I can’t stop! And did you know I’m actually two people?! David fills my head with nonsense about how cool that is- and I eat it up!!

You decide! And will you ever come over for dinner again?

And I can’t wink back!

Not really but maybe someday?!

David screws up his job! Big time!!

I can’t handle the gossip! And how do you prepare for an interview? Well, first you PREPARE!!

Cause our kids grow up too fast! And enjoy it all! Cause our ancestors didn’t get the same chance. Learn about them and your family’s past, it’ll give you perspective and will scare you into a great life!! And yes, chocolates for Valentine’s Day!

And stinky crotches! And responding too quickly to a text!

And Presidents’ Day!! And wooden teeth!

And the butt silencer! Be careful, we talk like 5 year olds about bodily functions, you sure you want to hear this?!

A proposed art project! And David finds a treasure!

Ladies room gross outs, AirPods are a sign of a jerk? And holiday shopping is for the birds!

And judging bad drivers!!

David’s incredible bizness idea! Get in line, the wait will be worth it!

Work holiday parties abound!! And do we like em? Don’t think so!

And don’t think for one second that a Thanksgiving would pass without complaints about the food! And should we embarrass our kids? Yes! And no, you can’t chew celery to lose weight!

And no complaining about my complaining: garlic hands!!

I barely got out alive! And where is Thunderfingers now? And my mom killed my birds.

Would he not know how to do it otherwise? And gross findings on our lawn!

Thankful for many things! Not ALL things but many things!!

David is a recess monitor during a Category 4 hurricane! And Katie’s there too!

Catching puke, relationship coaching, the Lottery: we’ve got room to improve!

Female prison guards fall in love too easily! And once again, Billy Joel impresses!! First season?!

Let me tell you how it went!

And no complaining about my complaining: wife version!

And that time David’s parents wore Nix the Shiks shirts!

Using Jergens liberally! And no Xmas decor until AFTER Thanksgiving!!

Watch Nobody Wants This on Netflix! It’s good! And we know the number one stupid human sign! And David’s incredible mathematical theory!!

Why are people always abandoning their shoes?!

A double episode of morning talk!

And she’s going to work!

A trip to NYC and pickle sucking!

And please rate our podcast 5 stars!! WTF!!

The best clothes are in your face!! Rerun Sunday!

And Is It Real?! Do you lie to your spouse?!

Kids and their comments about hair! And did you know that David hates BNL?! Well, he does!

Sneaking stuff in and pretending you’re not a slob!

Rescue takes on a whole new meaning! What does Denis Leary think of how we abuse firefighters? And is your house crawling with ghosts? Maybe! maybe Not!

Join us! Bring your kids!!

A classic conundrum! What do you do? And Lyric Lowdown! You’re welcome!! *Play It Again Saturday!*

Morning talk! We tell you things about these three men that are not facts!

And dating adults in high school?! Gross!!

A little Mystery Science Theater!

And sweaty backs?! And bad super powers!

Cause he’s straight out of a bodice ripper! And the last time Lunch Lad will report?!

From our FIRST season! You can hear the fireplace crackling! Enjoy!!

And the great saw acquisition of 2024! David’s finds on Facebook Marketplace!

And my delicate hands! And David’s parents’ fear of the… rain!!

She really did very little… and David has photo albums made!!

And renaming our house: Red Oaks! And bumper stickers!!