Autopod Decepticast: A bi-weekly retrospective of the G1 Transformers animated movie and cartoon.

Crevasse!!! The Ryan Judgement Hour!! Unknown Studio!?!? Meggy, Soundy and Screamy!! A rock-less rocket!! FLOPtimus Prime!!! No shootin’ till we figure this shit out!! Let’s have a race!!! He dropped Splik!!! In the Real World!! Rate the Scheme!!! Blood races to your private spots!!!!

Timmy’s Precious Moments!! Infamous Dille Memo!!! Chris Latta…was Chris Latta!! Prime Target is The Most Dangerous Game!!! The Secret of Cybertron!! G.I. Joe scripts fall out!! Voltronic Galaxer – what are we doing here?!! Thank heavens for this Bogus Plot Device!!! Precious MOMENTS!! Garbage Pail Kids…happened!!! A Hero’s Journey!! Ryan met Flint!! Aaron met Flint!!! Spot the Refectory Table!! Dille Script or Bullshit?! PRECIOUS MOMENTS!!!

We didn’t start the fire! Yes we did!! Famous Scientist Dr. Fujiyama!! The first female ninja robot!!! She was playing robo-opossum!! Ryan loves opossums!! Ryan’s dad loves Ryan very much!! Pottery class!! The Autobots suck so much!!! The World Energy Chip…What does it do?!? More Starscream jealousy: ”She’s not that hot!!” Cliffjumper…can’t jump the cliff!! In the Real World!! Script Deviations!! Rate the Scheme!! Mistakes were made!!!

What is a ketchup?! It’s not about you, it’s about the system of oppression!!! Grandpa-style drinks!! Shout-Outs!! Ryan Jett must be stopped!!! Twerk 3!! Illegal Access!! Illegal Access!!! Minotaur scenario!! Squishy professor meat!!! In the Real World!! Script Deviations!! Rate the Scheme!!! Good grief, more bad news!!!

Never Have I Ever!! Ryan: Everything has been terrible, always!!! Sub-Atlanticans!! Cassette Vultures!! King Negril’s voice is so weird!! The fucking Autobots!!! Skin-diving Spike!! “D” is for “Dumb Baby!!” Caleb’s truck-driving stories!! Wheeljack, The Moron of all Morons!!! Megatron sits on the Lincoln Memorial!! Tarn Talk!! Voice Actors! In the Real World!! Rate the Scheme!! Fire the hydro-thrusters!!!

Circle the wagons!! The gif that keeps on giving!! From gramma’s house!! Transfixatron!!! Guinea pig-a-tron!! Scavenger does a jerk-off motion!!! Cold Slither!!! Sweet stunts!! Megatron’s sassy walk!! The Deadwood car crusher!! Decepticon body-shell!!! Buffer is the worst!! No voice actors!! Transform o Tomero!!!

The MTMTPod convo continues!! Double-Bumblebee!! The Ice Man’s Rat Cave!! Rumble and Stumble!! The Decent = Peak lesbian energy!! Garfield in Paradise!!! Voice actor Arlene Banas!! St. Elmo’s Fire!! Eric Stoltz!! Rainbow Warrior!!! Writer: Earl Kress!!!

Special guest MTMTP!!! We hit our Gremlin stride!! Carly and Spike age conspiracies!! Jazz, Spike, and road head!! Get down for the goofs!! No-Neck Ironhide!! Everyone has Teletraan One’s phone number!!! See us buzz and make honey!! COP STRIP-O-GRAM!! Wrestling over the Easter ham!! Liquefy that Slime Prime!! “Mebbie.” Carly’s here to get the good pussy!! We make G1 make sense!!!

Not so fast…PAPA!!!! Ms. Cleo, Hitler, GG Allin, and Dr. Arkeville’s kid brother!! What a triumph of modern science!! Cliff Jumper…jumps to conclusions!!! Electro-cell plug n’ play! Megatron…very reasonable!! Starscream…shit scientist!!! A bear with a sore head?!? How am I supposed to feel?!? A real B-Team of warriors!! Tickle fight!!! In the Real World!! Iconic Moment!! Script Deviations!!! Mirage, I like the plan…just tell your boss!!!!

Join the quarantined quacks of the APDC as they socially distance while reviewing Transformers G1 season 2 episode: *Attack of the Autobots*.Let’s Party!!! Pulsating warning diodes!! Invisibility spray!! Personality destabilizers!! Recharging chambers!! Nickel plated knuckle sandwiches!! Limitless energy satellites!! Attitude exchangers!! Goodness transfusions!! Prime’s three components!! Reset relays!! Dumbbells!! In the Real World!! Iconic Moments!!! Sure!!!!

Bring on the crazy!!! Send for the Marines!!! The APDC tentative promise!!! AKOM...where everything is just gross!! Remove, remove, always REMOVE!!! Right, right, RIGHT!! Mega-Mega-MEGATRON!!! Chilean soccer flop!!! Sinkhole de Mayo!!! Red Rocket Dildo!!! Even with one arm, Prime is PRIMO!!! See you later, alligator!!!!

More van issues!! We’re working on it...we do deliver!! The “Gears Shamrock Special!!” Shockmasterwave!!! Holy shit that’s a fuck-lot of gold!!! Action first, maintenance later!!! Cicada talk!! That’s quite a shared guffaw!! Gears, the K-Mart Brawn!!! In the Real World!! Rate the Scheme!! Iconic Moment!! I’m not dying, I’m thriving!!!

Sparkplug makes a monster!! Franken-whut!?! Ryan the Pedantic Prescriptivist: doesn’t like surprises, won’t read a script and won’t fix his van!!! Autobots: horribly irresponsible and ethically questionable!! Sparkplug and Wheeljack: Team Incompetent!!! Jerk-off stories!!! Crazy titty powers!!!

The power-chip rectifier switcheroo!!!!! Heavy Metal Pick-Me-Up Cocktail!! Energy Disks!! Ryan is Johnny Science-Downer!! Fuck you, Earth’s magnetic field!!! The Grey Circle Union!! Help!! POLICE!!! Cybertronian law!!! Caleb leaves early!! Just be cars!!! Huffer takes Optimus’ load! Dinobots vs Devastator!! We shall rise again!! Arthur Burghardt encounter!! In the Real World! Script Deviations!! Rate the Scheme!! Iconic Moment!! This is very complex and weird!!!

Demon Swamp!!! Ryan likes animal robots! Autobots cannon fodder!! Insectile chirping (chirping)..! Do better!! Pay more attention!!! Beatle Bali!! Eject the Ravage cassette!! I’m a bwig bwoy I need a bwig bweakfast!!! The Balian Gulch Festival!!! That sawed off nerd, Rumble!! Casual Megatron!! Taste the Lightning!!!!

Activate your mouth!!! Don’t be a Negatron, be an Optimist Prime!!! Shout out to RetroCabal!! Down-under housekeeping!! Autobots: Filling pot-holes and holing pot-fills!! Uncle Tom’s Almanac!! Starscream flashes his badge!! Quicksand tutorial!! Optimus Prime: your aim is improving, Megatron!! Iconic Moments! In the Real World!! Lay it on me, man!!!

We’re on fumes and we’ve been drinking!! We love Australia!! Skyfire goes full badass!!! Ryan explains laserdiscs!! Aaron: *Perfect Stangers* girlfriends are good to go!! Autobots, maintain speed and sail on!! Sea funnel!!! Another dick move by Rumble!! Don’t talk to my Starscream!!! Megatron is a pointer!!! Dance sex-workers?!? Mouth like a muppet!!! Witwicky super strength!!! In the Real World!! Iconic Moments!!! You’re not pushing around slaves this time!!!!

Slaves!! There’s nothing funnier than Home Alone!? Gifts from Hayley!!! Shout-Outs!! Megatron is feeling himself! BLUNDERcracker!! What’s wrong with Spike!? Aaron’s weird dream!! Slaaves! The famous Megatron/Starscream choke sequence!! MIKE SEIBERT and GOTIM: Planes, Trains, and Autobots!!!! Bumblebee: Into the crevasse!! Aaron’s male role models!! The return of stuck-porn!! SLAAAVES!!! In the Real World!! Iconic Moment!! Script Deviations!! SLAAAAAAAAVES!!!! It’s a Goddamn Christmas Miracle!!!!

Presidential quotes!! Drinkin’ round the world!!! The Malabar coast of India!!! Three Skywarp hands tall!! High school janitors!!! The Ark: Come on in!!! Sparkplug guinea pig!!! Everything is in readiness!!! Jazz: throwing out some sick bars!!! Sunstreaker: chucks a missile out of his hand hole!!!! Spike: trips over a wrench!!! Activate the pylons!! Cybertron: catapulted into oblivion?!?! When next we meet, we are enemies!! Voice actors! In the Real World!! Rate the Scheme!!! Iconic Moment!!!! Script Deviations!!!!! Fat chance, Fathead!!!!!!

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball!!! Medium Talent!! Vasectomy…VasectaYOU!!! Stuck porn!! We got a tech upgrade!!! JEFF!!! Outline Plan Desge!! Uranium—SHERANIUM!! Robot points Reflector!!! A Prime with no hands is worth two in the bush!! Wake Me Up!! Supergirl!! Kate & Allie!! Murder by Transformers in The Professional!!!

TFCon happened!! Trading Places!!! The Sloppy Skyfire Mojito!! Dirty Man is on the Caleb Wishlist!! Ryan keeps it classy in NYC!!! This episode is weird!! Steal the steel!! Everyone is snarky!!! Flaccid firepower!! Her name is Luisa!! Nobody trusts Wheeljack!! Deviations!! In the Real World!! Iconic moments!!

Nature finds a way!!! The Dinobot Knickerbocker Punch! Come see our panel at TFCon D.C.!!! A treasure-trove of errors!!! Down-under pronunciation!! Dinobots…there’s a whole lot o’ shakin’ goin’ on!!! Ol’ Bucketnuts!!! The Triceratops Twerk!!! Prime and Hound Bluetooth!! You’re too slow, Rustypants!!! Caleb leaves early for a massage!! Drunken Script Deviations!! Iconic Moments!!

Jautopod Maguirdecast!!! We drink the Skyfire Tewahdiddle!! We’re the first panel at TFCon DC!!! Plovers swoop ya’ like a dickhead!! That’s s’no-man, that’s a snow-bot!!! Ryan and Caleb sail around the world!! Skyfire and Starscream are science fwens!!! Maybe circle the OTHER half!! Hemmingway…he did love cats!! Ryan’s neighborhood is garbage!! How many people wrote this script!!?

Another cocktail…another goddamn factory!! Megatron…The Enemy! Optimus…mobility…limited!! Laserbeak has cameras everywhere!! Summon the Rainmakers!! Chip Chase saves the day…again!!! No one is ever disabled, as long as they have courage!! In the Real World! Rate the Scheme!! Iconic Moments!!! Script Deviations!!!! IS THIS MUSIC!?!?!? Transform… and meet us there!!!

Caleb: Super Mario who? Jigger, Beaker, and Glass!! The Chip Chase Creole Fizz!!! If it’s Labor Day, why’s nobody working?! Slow juice!!! Truckload of Shout-Outs!!! We have a Patreon!!! Convoy of Support!!! Chip Chase to the rescue!! Flesh creatures!! Betsy Brainiac!!! Boring Antimatter Lessons! Mirage gaslights Rumble!! Voice Actor!! Chip Monks!!! In the Real World!! Script Deviations: Billy has been named Chip!!! Piece of oil cake!!!

Broke-dick Jeff Daniels!!! Harry Anderson murder-suicide?! Do we have a Patreon?? (Spoiler: We do!!!) Shockwave slumps!! That’s no ordinary tape-player!! Optimus vs Megatron: fusion cannons fired and punches landed!! Removed and rebuilt!! 3000 astro-seconds!?! Bumblebee is slipped a robotic rufee! Script Deviations: JAZZZ!!! New segment: In the Real World!!! Ryan hides behind girls!!! YOUR SPACE-BRIDGE IS WORTHLESS!!!!

t’s an APDC Dance Party!! No wonder Hammer went broke!! Gifts from @retrocabal!! Gifts for Aaron!!! Well, ACTUALLY, it was 59.99 seconds! Warp in the Sky!! Ironhide’s War Stories!!! “Let’s get outta here!” Witwicky weirdo hands!! Ravage speaks!!! Antroid picnic!! Decoy Decepticons!!! Puffy Prime!! Rocket pack!! Prime pride fuckin’ with him!!! Megatron’s sassy pose!! Mirage saves pretty much everything!!! Missing you!! All of Me!!! George Burns!!!

More Than Meets the Eye!! The return of Cuban B and the Five P’s!!! Ryan’s garage is filthy nasty!! Trouble on the oil rig!!! Autobots: Run, swim, FLY!!! Carnival business models!!! Aaron: “Autobots are good, Decepticons are bad, Cybertron, yada-yada!!” Energon pillows!! Optimus/Megatron dam fight!!! Spike massage?! The Lambo Twins!! Holy Burmese Rubies, Batman!!! Sparkplug: Renaissance man!! Script Deviations! Iconic Moments!! What’s Love Got to Do With It?!?!

Soviet gulag animation studios!! Space…and shit!!! Mandatory Coming of Mage reference!! Mind if I CUT in?!! Laserbeak surveils launch talk!!! Lonely Shockwave origin story!! Jason Momoa = Aaron’s dad bod!! Prime to Jazz: “Let me drive!!!” Mt. St. Hillary!!! Transformers centipede!! Hound wrist-ear!! Cliffjumper hammerspace cannon!!! Who fired that shot?!! ROBOT ROLL CALL!!! Witwicky roughnecks!!! Energon pillows!!!

The LAST Joepisode!!! We’re going to TFCon D.C.!! #GMyJoe Challenge dumpster fire winner announced!!! The Mike Drop Diss Track!!! Da return of Da Bearz!?!? Cobra La: Every rock and stalk is croaking feral!! R.I.P. Sammy B. Goode!!! Appropriate Sunbow wrist-grab?!? Cobra Commander to the rescue!!! Grab my ankles!!! Duke came out of his coma!!! Ryan is mad!!! Interview with Joe super fan @sergebomba!!! Script Deviations: Buzz wakes up!! YO JOE!!!!!!

From the van to the bathroom floor!!! Mage is the rage!! Grub-zeppelins! Fart fighters!! Time worms!!! ENERGY SAUCE!!!! Sighting confirmed: Himalayas!! Roadblock reaches breaking point…Ryan watches Point Break!!! Cobra Commander…LOOK AT HIM!!! Uselesss….yessss…! You want to wake up a clam or something?! Script Deviations: Buzz has checked out!! Iconic Joement! The Pinnacle of Sadness!!!

Shots fired at DJ Khaled!!! Tulum is great!! Tulum is not great!!! Booo seaweed and hipsters!!! Douche Paradise!!! Beyonce Homecoming!!! Hudson Hawk!!! PRIZES!!!

Ryan’s van-mattress!! Sgt Slaughter: Tough ShadesTM!! Go buy Coming of Mage!!! The Terror Drome gets exploded!! The Joes get exploded!! Protect the B.E.T.!! Tokyo Sauna  Happy Sauna  Hong Kong Spa!!! Serpentor…alien? Falcon…Earth-scum?? Duke…coma??? Beamers = Nothing But Trouble!!! Yo…Joe?!?!?! Hard-on, Joes!!!!

Friendship piggybank!!! Aaron turns 41!! 12-hour Twitter ban!!! Dreadnoks on the pod circuit!! Hugh G. Rection!!! I was once a man!!! Slaughterhouse Shire!! Air duct incursion!! Televiper: 80085!!! Shipwreck on leave in Tijuana!! Voice actors!! Jett family news!!!

We made it!!! A surprise gift from Mike Seibert and our listeners!!! A review from Australia!! All Hayl APDC beverages!! #GMyJoe continues!! General Q&A!! Dark Awakenings!! Daniel and Spike: suffocate or smother!?! The Autobot Mausoleum! The Veil of Remembrance!! PTSD Optimus!!! A Quintesson trick!! Dred-knocks! GOTIC!! Casey Kasem!! Hot Rod: Let’s Party!!!!

The Great Cobra Scare!! G-My-Joe: Captain Martini!! Shout Outs!! All Hayl Megatron!! EGus!! Cecil!! More Classic Sunbow Wrist-Grabs!?! The Web of Remembrance and all that Cave Man shit!! 9/11 stripper money!?! Cobra-La’s kangaroo court: Cobra Commander guilty of…failure!?! An unholy steamy spore-stew!! Falcon gets thrown to Sgt Slaughter and The Renegades!! Aaron’s traumatic past: Mow-verview!! Script Deviations!! Buzz Dixon insight!!! At ease, Disease!!!!

The juice on the Joe-mo!!! Lockin’ and loadin’!!! Falcon gives Jinx the Sunbow Wrist-Grab!!! Cobra-la breaks in…and breaks Serpentor OUT!!! Meanwhile back in the Himalayas…vagina-cave!!! Golobulus and the Uncle Fester Brigade prepare the Path of Esteem!!! Duke’s nepotism reveal!! Buzz Dixons mustache fetish!!! Script Deviations!! Voice Actors!!! Iconic Joements!!! It’s off to the Slaughterhouse!!!!

I Killed Optimus Prime!!! Animation and residuals = mutually exclusive!!! Stand up!!! Science is a giver of joy!!! Frank Lloyd Wright hits Ron with a cane!!! Friedman, or Bullshit?! Ron’s take on the Bayformers movies!!! Child psychology!!! Considerate representation!!! 25 Years of Emails between Stan Lee and Ron!!! How to Write for Pictures That Move, Talk, Sing and Dance, and Blow up Cleveland!!!

Herp vs Derp!!! Ryan’s duel TV system! Caleb’s birthday trivia! Is Aaron interviewing Ron right now?!? Duke is hot pissed!! Beach Head is straight nuts!! Jinx is one bad luck lady!!! Falcon is a fucking nozzle!!! Zarana gets them with the Kodak Disc!! More tropes?!? Script Deviations! Voice actors!! Return of the Long Dong Brain Bubble!!!

More tropes!!! B.E.T solves the world energy crisis and...hits Lady Jaye in the butt!?! Witty wintery banter!! Cobra Commander wears a hoodie!! Serpentor gets fried!! Where my Sherpas at?!?! Man with a problem!!! Snake spears!!! Nemesis Enforcer! Pythona!! Cobra-la-la-la-la-la!!! The dirtiest joke that Buzz Dixon ever heard!!! Iconic Joements!! More voice actors...dead or alive!! This, I Command!!!!

TFCon LA!! Always a bigger fish!!! Cobra-La...gross!! Creole Terror-Drome!! Cobra Commander...can’t read a room!! Serpentor...coming in hot!! Freaky periscopes!! Pythona...intruder alert!! Script Deviations!! Friedman replies...Best Regards with a side of Dinobots!!! Voice Actors!!! Iconic Joe-ment!!! Let us chase you!!

Join the APDC Cobra-combatting crew, plus special operative Melody, as they cover the opening sequence of the 1987 animated classic, *G.I. Joe: The Movie.* It’s a G.I. Joverview!!! Joined by Melody!! Grits are the herpes of the world!!! Jem doesn't fit in the Barbie Car!!! Don Johnson...Flat Creek, boat-racing with Kurt Russel and Chuck Norris!!! Also, Burgess Meredith, Buzz Dixon, Sgt. Slaughter!!! Plus, Ron Friedman--Nigerian Prince!! YO, JOE!!!!

I had no idea when I started editing these together that it would turn out we had something close to 7 and a half hours of deviation content from the original Ron Friedman script to what we saw on screen, but here we are. This last gasp runs from episode 65 through the last on-screen minute proper, episode 80. We go from blasting off Junkion to destroying the Chaos Bringer himself and, boy, is it unsatisfying.

Late Holiday Episode!!! 2005... Who died? What were we doing?? What were we watching??? What were we THINKING?!?! SUMMER-SLAM!!!! GOTIM Presents: "It’s a Blunderful Life," with Mike Seibert!!!! Good Morning Seibertron!!!

Eating out of my face!!! Granix – Rectum? Damn near killed ‘em!!! The Fifth Face!!! Cut-it-out!!! Scatter, and follow me!!! Cassette and comic book Script Deviations!!! Autobot clones!!! Young, bantam rooster-bot!!! He loved existence, Daniel!!! Slice ‘em, dice ‘em, and that’s all folks!!! Ping pong ball eyes!!!

Optic Dazzler Gas!!! Laser Latkes!!! Siege of Autobot City part 2 is TOO much!!! We need a folder, Manilla!!! Survival Factor -3!!! Peeper Fish!!! …And a free lube job!!! Special Arcee voice acting by Melody!!! Funky Energon Funnel!!!

Thesaurus combing!!! Aaron thought he had a thing!!! Transfer the Spark!!! Decepticon Hall of Heroes folderol!!! Long live Galvatron!!! Unicron: Like, bring me the Matrix, or somethin’…Hairy Palms!!! Decepticon uniforms?!! Energon soda straw!!! Caleb’s 2017 Thanksgiving Deviations!!! Inve$tor and Victory!!!

This is your episode #1-20 of the APDC Script Deviations!!! Living rock Lithonians!!! Misty Unicron/The Entity/Ingestor!!! More brutal deaths!!! Apod Dcast REWIND!!! Hotrod’s Decpti-CAST Angler Hour!!! Chromochickens!!! Starscream’s Shoehorn!!! Dragon Beast!!! Arcee’s Tiny Hands!!!

Happy Thanksgiving, ladies and gentlemen. The creepy as hell APDC:AD host is here to wish you a very thankful Turkey Day to you and yours. Listen with your entire family. For sure. They will love it.