#AskAMan

Anonymous says she met a guy in 2021 and says things were generally good in their relationship to point where they started trying for a baby.  Anonymous says the guy had fertility issues but eventually got medication and she fell pregnant but later miscarried.  Anonymous says she found out the guy was cheating on her and he even impregnated another woman which led to anonymous breaking up with him.  Anonymous says time went by and the guy reached out to her wanting to get back together, however, he now has a second baby with another woman. Anonymous is not sure if she should get back together with him, especially because he now has two children. 

Anonymous says after going through a break-up in 2023, she went through a lot of anxiety and had to do a lot healing from that break-up. Anonymous says the issue now is a friend she’s known for most of her life that she has always sort of had feelings for but they never got together.  Anonymous says after her break-up they became closer with this guy and he eventually confessed his feelings for anonymous but she pushed him away because she wasn’t emotionally ready.  Fast forward to now, anonymous reached out to the guy and they linked up just last night but after anonymous asked, he revealed that he’s now in a relationship with someone else whom he really loves.

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for almost 6 years and their relationship has been good. Anonymous says her partner has introduced her to his parents but she hasn’t introduced him to her parents.  Anonymous says this has caused a rift in their relationship because it limits the kind of activities they can do as a couple and that limits their relationship in general.  Anonymous says her partner has brought this up and wants anonymous to tell her parents about him. She’s not sure about that as her parents are very strict and she would rather complete varsity first, before telling them.

Anonymous says he has 3 children with his partner and things were fine in their relationship until he found out, via texts on his partner’s phone, that she was busy with someone at the gym.  Anonymous says he confronted her about this, but she turned things on him and would even insult him. Anonymous says she eventually made it clear that she wanted to be with the other guy and that’s when they went their separate ways.  Anonymous says time has gone by and his financial situation has improved. They now have a good co-parenting relationship, and she wants to get back together. Anonymous says he still loves her but he’s not sure if he should get back together with him.

Anonymous says he’s been dating his partner for a few years now and back in 2021 she said to anonymous that she no longer want’s to have sex for religious reasons and wants them to save themselves for marriage.  Anonymous says despite this, he found out that she was actually sleeping with someone else. Anonymous says he forgave her and they moved on with the relationship. Anonymous says time went by and she once again said she wants to pause on the sex and he realised that this time around she was serious about her religion.  Anonymous says he then cheated on her with someone else and she ended up finding out...

Anonymous says she met a guy last year and things were not too serious when they started as they were both in relationships with other people.  Anonymous says they ended up agreeing to break up with their partners, she broke up with her partner but later realised that he hadn’t broken up with his partner.  Anonymous says he’s still in a relationship with the other lady and he can’t seem to decide what he wants and has floated the idea of continuing with dating both of them. Anonymous is not sure if she should stay in a relationship with him, as she really loves him.

Anonymous says she’s been with her current partner, guy no.1,  for about 8 years and says he has a child with another woman who she believes he might be married to traditionally.  Anonymous says guy no.1 also cheated on her multiple times and threatened to kill anonymous if she ever leaves him. However, she says they ended up separating at some point and that’s when she met guy no.2, who is a married man and they’ve been together for about 3 years, she says he’s very supportive and there’s conversations about getting into a polygamous marriage.  Anonymous says she then met guy no.3 about 5 months ago, their relationship has been going well, she gets along with his family, and she feels like she’s in love with him, however anonymous says she thinks they are not really compatible and she’s not sure about building something with him.

Anonymous says he met his partner about two years ago and they dated for a while before she fell pregnant.  Anonymous says things have gotten a bit weird in their relationship and he confronted his partner about feeling a gap between them. Anonymous says during that conversation he asked her what he did wrong and she responded that she feels like he’s too soft for her and doesn’t really enjoy anonymous’ personality or his dress style. Anonymous says she now wants to break-up with him, he doesn’t want to break-up with her. Anonymous says he’s not sure if he should fight for her.        

Anonymous says she got married in 1994 after knowing her partner for 3 months. Anonymous says months into the marriage she noticed strange things at her partner’s family home, including a small snake, at which point she moved back home.  They eventually moved into their own place and even had children. Anonymous says after up-skilling herself and getting a job, her partner started financially and emotionally abusing her and things were never great in their relationship from that point.  Anonymous says this went on for years and she eventually filed for divorce in 2020. Anonymous says it’s been a few years now since the divorce and she’s feeling lonely but struggling to get back into the dating game.

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for 6 years and they a 2 year-old daughter together and she came into the relationship with a child who’s now 6 years old.  Anonymous says things were fine but over the years she feels like her partner has become emotionally abusive and manipulative. Anonymous says a lot of the abuse is towards her 6 year-old child and he’s always chiding her child for various unreasonable issues.  Anonymous says she’s spoken to him about his behaviour towards her child but he’s not changing and even physically abuses her son. Anonymous says she want’s to end things but is not sure how to go about doing that, especially because they have a child together.

Anonymous says he was in a relationship with a lady for many years and things were fine until her ex came back into he picture and wanted to be with this lady.  Anonymous says this caused a lot of conflict in their relationship, however, the situation was muted when this lady realised she was pregnant. Anonymous says after the baby was born the lady went back to her cheating ways and it led to him breaking up with her.  Anonymous says she’s not allowing him access to their child and when he threatened to bring in social workers, she insinuated to him that the child might not even be his. Anonymous is not sure how to go about determining the paternity of the child or how to process the fact that the child might not be his.

Anonymous says the relationship with his ex was great and they had access to each others phones. Anonymous says he would see pictures of other guys on her phone but she denied there was anything happening with those guys.  Anonymous says things took a turn when she went on what she said was a vacation with her cousins and some other guys, but anonymous later realised that she was actually on vacation with her other boyfriend.  Anonymous says they fought about this and she essentially isn’t sure what she wants to do, anonymous says he has removed himself from the situation but now he’s not sure if he wants to try again with her.

We switched things up a little on the last episode of Ask a Man for the year; We requested listeners to share their relationship good news and stories of supportive partners. 

Anonymous says she was married to her husband for 10 years when he passed away in 2022. Anonymous says her late husband’s friend got close to her and was supportive and they eventually kissed.  Anonymous says shortly after this they made an arrangement, anonymous would have sex with her late husband’s friend and the friend would support anonymous financially. Anonymous says the friend is married. Anonymous says the arrangement continued but in June this year she met a new guy who she really likes and she ended things with the friend. Her relationship with the new guy was going well until this new guy found out about anonymous’ relationship with her late husband’s friend who was still calling anonymous.  Anonymous is not sure if she should fight for the relationship with the new guy.

Anonymous says she’s been married to her partner since 2021, after knowing the guy for a year. Anonymous says when she met him, she was aware of his wild ways in his previous relationship where he cheated multiple times and had children outside of that relationship.  Anonymous says he became even worse in their marriage, where he even cheated on her with her best friend and would bring all kinds of girls to their place, anonymous says he’s fathered 3 children outside their marriage.  Anonymous says she eventually moved to another province so she could fade away from their relationship but her husband packed up and joined her in that province saying he loves her and she assumed he was serious.  Anonymous says he’s continued with his shenanigans but she’s struggling to leave their relationship because she feels like she’s too financially linked to him.

Anonymous says he was with his partner for 6 years and they met in varsity. Anonymous says at some point their relationship became a long distance relationship after leaving varsity, and for many years they were living in separate areas.  Anonymous says they were eventually both able to live in the same area, however, things took a turn in their relationship when he realised that his partner had been cheating on him by going on dates with other people.  Anonymous says he broke up with her because cheating is a dealbreaker for him. But months later he’s struggling to get over his love for her. Anonymous says he tried therapy and journaling but the only thing that makes him feel better is chatting to her.

Anonymous says he started dating his partner in 2022 and in the same year he found out that she was having an affair and cheating on him. Anonymous says his partner denied this and they moved forward. Anonymous says in 2023 he once again found out that she was cheating on him and yet again, his partner denied the cheating. Anonymous says she then fell pregnant with his child late last year. Cut to 2024 and anonymous says he found out once again that she was cheating on him and this time around she finally admitted it and admitted to anonymous that she had been cheating on him all those other times. Anonymous says she now wants to start on a clean slate, he still loves her but is not sure if he should continue with the relationship.

Anonymous says she was a dating a guy about 5 years ago and he was cheating on her and the girl he was cheating on her with would harass anonymous, to a point where anonymous got a restraining order against her but the guy said to her that he didn’t want any involvement in the situation. Anonymous says they eventually broke up however she fell pregnant with this guy’s child and says he wasn’t supportive and only came back into anonymous’ life 8 months after the child was born and tried to get back into anonymous’ life, but that didn’t work out. Fast forward to now, anonymous says she’s now been in a relationship with someone else for 3 years and the father of her child is back in her life again and the same girl is back to harassing anonymous again. Anonymous says the guy wants to be back together with her, and said he’ll support the child only if they are back together.

Background: Yesterday anonymous called and spoke of a guy no.1 and a guy no.2. She said things were not great with guy no.1 because he was always cheating on her. Anonymous then met guy no.2 and dated both of them at the same time but eventually broke up with guy no.1, anonymous said she’s now with guy no.2 and called about their current issues. This morning we’re speaking to guy no.1 who says he needs to set the record straight: He says he wasn’t a serial cheater and things weren’t great between them because of the financial issues he was facing. Anonymous also says guy no.2 is someone he knows and used to hangout with. Guy no.1 says he found out from a friend that anonymous was cheating on him with guy no.2 and he broke up with her. Guy no.1 says he’s back together with anonymous currently and after calling Ask a Man yesterday, anonymous told guy no.1 that she’s done with guy no.2 and they spent the night together last night. Guy no.1 is not sure what to do in this situation.

Anonymous says she met at guy no.1 early last year, they started dating and moved in together by December of last year. Anonymous says he cheated on her throughout their relationship and she then started dating someone else, guy no.2. Anonymous says she was juggling the two guys for a bit before breaking up with guy no.1. Anonymous says she’s now dating guy no.2 but she struggles with him because he’s insecure, unemployed, and she feels like he’s lazy. Anonymous says he’s policing her and thinks it’s based on the fact that she was dating someone else when they met each other.

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for two years and they lived together initially but decided to move into their own places at some point in their relationship. Anonymous says the situation in their relationship right now is that he went out with his girlfriend’s neighbours and on the way back home to his girlfriend’s apartment he ran into his girlfriend’s neighbour and they walked home together. When they got to the apartment block the girl realised she had the wrong keys and then took shelter with anonymous in his girlfriend’s apartment, and they ended up fetching the keys. Anonymous says he was at his girlfriend’s place with his cousin, something his girlfriend didn’t want, so when she got back home the next morning she was upset about this. Anonymous says his partner also later found out that he was in her apartment with her female neighbour and got upset about that. Anonymous says his girlfriend is now angry at him as she believes something happened between them.

Anonymous says she’s known the guy she’s currently dating for many years starting from when they were in varsity. Anonymous says years later after they started knowing each other they started a no strings attached relationship, however the guy disappeared on her after he got a job. Anonymous says during their time apart the guy tried to rekindle things with her but she was in a relationship with someone else, which lasted 5 years. When that ended, anonymous reached out to the guy and they started linking up again and eventually got into a more serious relationship. Anonymous says the guy now lives at her place, and at some point he was unemployed, so she was supporting him. Anonymous adds that she feels like he never shows that he loves her, he never posts her on social media or shows that he’s aware of her needs. Anonymous says he’s always going out and coming back in the early hours of the morning. She’s not sure if she should remain in the relationship.

Anonymous says she’s recently widowed and has now started dating again. She says she met a guy in October and they hit it off. Anonymous says things have been good and he treats her well, however, he revealed to her that he’s actually in a long distance marriage but things are not working out in that marriage because of some issues, including the fact that the guy travels around a lot because of his job. Anonymous says they’ve continued dating but now the guy sometimes doesn’t want anonymous to come over or leave her things at his place when she’s visiting because he’s worried his wife will find out about their relationship. Anonymous says she’s not sure if she should continue with this relationship.

Anonymous says she’s been her partner for 4 months and says that she crushed on him for a long time before they started dating. Anonymous says at the onset of their relationship he would get calls from a mystery lady who he initially said was his sister but it later turned out that it was actually the mother of his child & they his in what he described as a “complicated” relationship with her. Anonymous says they continued with their relationship, however, while they were attending a function inside her partner’s complex he ended up in an altercation with a different lady during the function. Anonymous says he later confessed that the lady used to be a sneaky link and also that he’s actually still in a relationship with the mother of his child. Anonymous doesn’t know if she should stick with him.

Anonymous says she met a guy in March last year and they started dating. She says things were fine until the guy found texts on her phone from another guy who was flirting with her, even though she wasn’t reciprocating. Anonymous says after this incident things were no longer the same in their relationship and the guy would always bring up the incident. Anonymous maintains that the texts with the other guy were innocent on her part, and she wasn’t doing anything with the other guy. Anonymous says since January this year, the guy has a habit of disappearing and reappearing in her life. He says he loves her but anonymous is not sure what to think of all of this.

Anonymous says her dating life has been a bit of a struggle, however she met a guy 3 months ago who she suspects is gay. Anonymous says she confronted him about this, she first revealed that she’s been with a girl and asked if he had been with a guy before. Anonymous says her partner told her that he’s only flirted with a guy before, and things didn’t go too far. Anonymous says he’s also only ever touchy with her when they are in public but doesn’t show the same affection privately. Anonymous says she suspects he’s in the closet and even ended up blocking him for two days because of this. Anonymous says they are communicating again now, but she’s still not sure.

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for 13 years and a few years ago he started the lobola proceedings but ended up cancelling as his partner was started changing on him because he became unemployed. Anonymous says when this happened her partner said their child would no longer visit his parents as they are not married. Anonymous says he eventually found employment again and she’s still around but he’s told her that he’s not sure about her anymore because how she’s treated him in the past. The current conflict in their relationship now is the people anonymous has listed as beneficiaries of his estate ,which is his mother & their child. Anonymous is not sure about this relationship and her behaviour.

Anonymous says she met her partner about a year ago and says they got into a relationship, which anonymous says is her first relationship ever. Anonymous says things have been going well in their relationship, however, she says before he could meet her family, he revealed to her that he’s actually married and wants anonymous to become his second wife. Anonymous says there were no red flags and this confession hit her by complete surprise. Anonymous says their relationship has been amazing and she’s not sure if she wants to continue and become his second wife.

Anonymous says her and her current partner started working on businesses together early on in their relationship and things were generally ok until she realised that he would receive money from their clients and not be transparent with anonymous about the amounts as they were paid into his company. Anonymous says her job at the time did not allow her to have side hustles, so they did business using his company. Anonymous says they stayed together at her place because he couldn’t afford to pay for his own place but after the successes in the business he was upgrading his house without even speaking to anonymous about it. Anonymous says after all this and some issues they had with their children, her partner told anonymous that he was moving back into his place and they would proceed to live in separate homes but remain a couple. Anonymous says the relationship has faded since then, he’s tried to rekindle things but anonymous says she’s not sure and he’s also burnt bridges with her family through his treatment of her.

Anonymous says she met a guy two weeks ago and they’ve been dating for 4 days. Anonymous says he’s in his early twenties, she’s in her mid-twenties, and things are going really well so far. Anonymous says her business is down the road from where the guy lives and a couple of days ago they got intimate with the guy which led to him arriving home past his curfew. Now his family has found out about their relationship and they are not happy. Anonymous says they now want the guy to move away from the area and she’s not sure what to do. She feels like she really likes him and doesn’t know if she should chat to his family about their relationship. Anonymous is also not sure if this is worth a fight.

Anonymous says he’s been in a relationship with his partner for about 12 year, they have two children together and his partner came into the relationship with another child. Anonymous says he lost his job during the pandemic, and got money from his workplace after being removed. Anonymous says he used the money to try and lobola his partner, but he eventually ran out of his savings and wasn’t able to complete the lobola. Anonymous says his partner became verbally abusive and wasn’t treating him right because he was unemployed. Anonymous says he now has job, and she’s back to treating him right again. Anonymous is thinking of continuing with the lobola process but he’s not sure if he should continue with the relationship with his partner because of how she’s treated him in the past.

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for 15 years and they’ve been married for 4 years. Anonymous says his partner is quite fierce and stern and can be very independent within their relationship. Anonymous says one of the issues they are currently going through now is that he’s suspicious of her relationship with another man who’s even called her while they were at home together and caused a rift between them. Anonymous says his wife is also very submissive when she’s speaking to this guy, but she’s hardly ever like that with him. Anonymous is not sure what’s going on and doesn’t know if he should hold on to this relationship.

Anonymous says she was in toxic relationship for 3 years and says there was lots of infidelity amongst other things. Anonymous says her partner made her very anxious with his antics and for the longest time she would leave him but then go back to him. Anonymous says she has left him again now and it’s been more than a week of no contact with him but she’s struggling with moving forward and getting over him. Anonymous is worried she might relapse and find herself going back to him again. Anonymous needs advice on how to let go of a toxic partner.

Anonymous says he’s been married to his wife since 2015 and they separated in 2019, but didn’t get divorced. Anonymous says during this time they had relationships with other people. Anonymous says they got back together around August last year and they agreed to end things with the people they were seeing. Anonymous says over the weeks he realised that a guy renting at one of their properties was his wife’s ex, from the time they were apart, he talked to her about this and they removed the guy as a tenant. Anonymous says things seem to not have ended between his wife and this guy as the guy has even bought her an expensive gift. Anonymous is not sure if his wife is still romantically involved with this guy and how they can move forward from this.

Anonymous says she’s been in a relationship with her partner for 4 years and earlier this year she had a miscarriage, following which, the doctor told anonymous that she won’t be able to bear children. Anonymous says her partner started acting funny after this and months later she found out the guy had impregnated another lady to please his family and their cultural beliefs. Anonymous says the family then told her that the pregnant lady will become the first wife, because she can bear children, and then anonymous can then become the second wife. Anonymous is wondering if she should stay in the relationship.

Anonymous says months into his relationship with girl no.1, he realised that girl no.1 had been dating someone else when they met and this caused a rift in their relationship, even leading to him cheating on girl no.1. Anonymous says they had a child which they thought would fix their relationship, but things didn’t workout and they broke up. Anonymous says 7 months after breaking up with girl no.1, he met girl no.2, but they broke up shortly after they started because of girl no.2’s relationship with the father of her child. Anonymous says he and girl no.2 then reconnected and are still dating now, however, anonymous says he rekindled things with girl no.1 and they had sex twice and girl no.1 ended up telling girl no.2 about it. This caused a problem between anonymous and girl no.2, his current partner. Anonymous says they haven’t really recovered from the infidelity and girl no.2 now wants to end things. Anonymous is not sure if he should fight for her to stay in the relationship.

Anonymous says she met a guy four years ago and says he had a partner when they started dating and they were in a long distance relationship. Anonymous says their relationship has been great over the years but now the main partner is now back in the area which has affected anonymous’ relationship with this guy. Anonymous says he’s not spending as much time with her as he used to and doesn’t know where she stands now that he’s no longer in a long distance relationship. Anonymous says he still wants to be with her, however, she doesn’t know how to navigate this situation.

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for 8 years now and they have three kids together. Anonymous says her partner generally treats her well and things are generally ok. Anonymous says the problem is when they have conflict in their relationship, she says he becomes verbally violent towards her and treats her terribly, including humiliating her publicly. Anonymous says he also has a tendency to get upset at her when she’s out with friends, even accusing her of cheating, this with the backdrop of his own multiple infidelities.

Anonymous says she met a guy at work during the pandemic and things were fine between them for about 6 months, but it changed when he became a bit distant towards her. Anonymous says she then found out he had lied to her and was in fact in a relationship with someone else who he had paid lobola for and also has a child with that person. Anonymous says things faded from that point but the guy came back into anonymous’ life and explained that he wasn’t really with the other lady and was only with her because of the child they have together. Anonymous says he keeps coming and going out of her life. She knows this behaviour is wrong but she loves him and doesn’t know how to get out of this.

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for 3 years and their relationship has been generally good. Anonymous says six months ago his partner fell pregnant and as a result he ended up buying a home for them in order to solidify things between them. Anonymous says recently his partner announced to him that she’s actually dating someone else and doesn’t want to be with anonymous anymore. She says the baby is anonymous’ baby but she wants to move on with someone else. Anonymous says the other guy has now also called him and told him to leave his partner as it’s over between them. Anonymous says he still loves her and doesn’t want to end things, he wants to find out what’s causing her to behave like this as he feels like their relationship was going well.

Anonymous says her and her partner have been together for a year now and says at the beginning of their relationship her partner communicated frequently, but that changed a couple of months into the relationship. Anonymous says he started not communicating as frequently as he used to and when anonymous confronted him about this he said he wasn’t losing interest, he’s just currently going through a lot. Anonymous says the communication has not improved and every time she brings it up he doesn’t really want to discuss the issue and tends to avoid this issue.Anonymous says there’s nothing indicating that he has someone else, so she’s not sure what to do.

Anonymous says she met a guy on a dating app early this year and says they hit things off immediately and proceeded to date. Anonymous says things were fine for four months however anonymous says the guy suddenly switched up on her and eventually broke up with her saying she’s too much and she overwhelms him. Anonymous says they broke up but a month later he just came back and wanted to be with her again without any real explanation of what went wrong. Anonymous says they are now sort of back together but he’s not very present in their relationship. Anonymous is not sure what is up with him

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for about a year and a half now and says he’s still married but separated from his spouse. Anonymous says things were fine and when she lost her job he started taking care of her, and pays for her rent and groceries. Anonymous says he’s now changed on her, he ignores texts and and doesn’t want to talk yo her most of the time. Anonymous doesn’t know what to do as she relies on him financially.

Anonymous says she’s been in her current relationship for 4 months now and it’s going well. Her problem is that she’s not sure how to go about sharing her HIV positive status with him. Anonymous says in the past when she’s shared this detail about her self, the guy left her and that’s why she’s scared of disclosing this to her current guy as she feels like their relationship seems like it could get serious. She’s worried that he might end things with her as well.

Anonymous says he’s been with the mother of his child for several years and they’ve been going through a rough patch which he says has led him to having a relationship with someone else on the side. Anonymous says he’s been with his side girl for 4 months and things have gotten a bit awkward between them as his side now wants to take things to the next level and get married. Anonymous says he’s worried about this and is not sure if he should marry her as it’s early in their relationship and he’s also worried about breaking things off with the mother of his child. Anonymous says he’s also worried that she might be a bit controlling and might have anger issues based on certain events that have happened in their short relationship.

Anonymous say he’s been in a relationship for 6 years things were fine until 3 months ago. Anonymous says when he met the lady she wasn’t in good condition and she was on drugs. Anonymous says he then helped her and cleaned her up and she got back on her feet and went back to school. Anonymous says they had a child together and around that time he met the girl’s parents but they were not happy for him to be with her because he’s Zimbabwean and they are Mozambican. Anonymous says they are expecting a second child together, but things changed when he realised that she was cheating on him, but her family reacted violently towards him and she has now moved on to being in a relationship with someone else with their kids. Anonymous says he misses his partner and their kids, and doesn’t know what to do.

Anonymous says she’s started dating her current partner in 2012, they dated for a few years before breaking up. Anonymous says 5 years went by and they started dating again and she thought he had changed but he hadn’t really as anonymous feels like he neglects her and doesn’t make time for her. Anonymous says it’s disheartening because he makes time for everything and everyone else. Anonymous says she’s confused by his behaviour and doesn’t know what he wants because when she wants to leave he doesn’t want to let go of her.

Anonymous says his relationship with his partner was generally fine in the four years they’ve been together until she went to initiation school in order to become a sangoma. Anonymous says she’s back now and things aren’t the same when it comes to intimacy. Anonymous says his partner now requires more sex from him. Anonymous says they’ve gone from 3 rounds a night to about 9 rounds a night. Anonymous says he can no longer keep up with this and it’s too much for him. Anonymous says he’s spoken to her about this but she told him that if they don’t do it the ancestors will be angry at him and he’ll have bad luck. Anonymous doesn’t know if he can stay in the relationship under these conditions, he’s tired and it’s affecting him at work.