#AskAMan

Anonymous met a man on a dating site about three weeks ago, and she’s enjoying getting to know him but he seems to only be available to her during office hours.  She confronted him about this behaviour and he said it’s because he’s struggled with insomnia in the past and is often off his phone in the evenings to remedy this. He also added that he’s been single for a long time and is readjusting to dating.  His communication, after hours, hasn’t improved, and anonymous is not sure what to read into this.

Anonymous has been with her partner for almost six years, they’ve been married for two of those years and they have a ten month old child.  Their relationship is generally great, but the problem is a friend that her partner has, as she’s seen videos of them being cozy together and they’ve even exchanged messages declaring their love for each other.  They’ve been fighting about this same girl for most of their relationship, however, she’s not sure if she should give up on what she’s built with him because of the relationship he has with this one girl.

Anonymous and her partner have been together for three years. He already had two children before they started dating and they have  since had a child together who is now 10 months old.  They are in a long distance relationship and last week, when he came to visit her for her birthday, he was trying to post pictures of her on his WhatsApp stories when she noticed that he blocked 3 ladies from seeing his stories.  She questioned him about this and he said it was people from work that he blocked from seeing his stories. Anonymous still finds this suspicious and wonders if he could be busy with other people.

Anonymous has been with his partner, on and off, for about a year and a half now. They broke up twice in their relationship mostly because he used to go out a lot and also cheated on her.  They are now back together but he suspects that she might be in a relationship with the guy she was having a thing with before they got back together.  He doesn’t have any concrete evidence of this but says she tends to be evasive about her whereabouts and has done some things that make anonymous question her commitment.

Anonymous met a lady at the gym in the latter part of last year, the lady had a boyfriend, but they ended up having an affair.  Things got more serious between them as they were spending a lot of time together and she told this lady that she’d like to make things official between them which caused a rift between them because this lady was struggling to break up with her boyfriend.  The lady then told anonymous that she’s broken up with her boyfriend, and they continued with their relationship, however, it turned out that this lady was actually still having a thing with her boyfriend.  They fought about this but kissed and made up…

Anonymous is in her late twenties and is a mother of an 18 month old baby. She was with the father of her child for about three years but the relationship was toxic and after she gave birth she broke up with her partner and moved out of his family home.  Months after the break up she went back to the house to fetch her things, and this is when she met her ex’s new girlfriend. The new girlfriend then offered to support her child.  They continued to chill and the new girlfriend then kissed anonymous and they ended up having sex.  She’s now confused by her relationship with the new girlfriend, who’s supporting her child, however she’s worried about their relationship being transactional.

Anonymous and her partner have been together for two years now and during that they moved in together and built a house together.  A couple of months after they bought the house, her partner started behaving differently, going out more and having fun with friends. Anonymous addressed his changed behaviour, he agreed to spend more time at home but it’s been going on for months now.  Her partner disappeared over the long weekend which caused a rift between them once again. Her partner has now told her that he still wants to have fun and doesn’t want to live like an old married couple.  Anonymous is not sure how to interpret this.

Anonymous has been with her partner since 2017 and they got married in 2019, she adds that he was a virgin when they met in their late twenties.  Her problem is in the bedroom as he struggles to pleasure her and when she tries to find out what he likes, he’s not sure.  Anonymous has tried many different things to get them on the same page sexually, but their sex life has not been improving.

Anonymous has been with her partner, guy no.1, for about 4 years now and things were fine until he lost his job and it created a burden on their relationship.  She started noticing things about his treatment of her, realising that he often body shames her and is always speaking down to her.  She has now started dating other people: guy no.2, who’s married and has said he doesn’t mind marrying anonymous as a second wife, and guy no.3, who she’s also having a good time with currently but is not sure if it’s just vibes or something more serious.

Anonymous and her fiancé have been in a relationship for over a decade now and live together with two of their children, including her child, from a previous relationship, and a child they have together. Her fiancé also had a child with someone else while they already in a relationship.  Her problem is how her partner sometimes speaks to her, she feels that he can be very insensitive & harsh towards her. They have also cheated on each other in the past and that keeps coming up in their arguments.  Anonymous her partner basically struggle when it comes to communication.

Anonymous broke up with his partner a few months ago, after five years together, because she cheated on him with a guy she had a history with.  He feels as though things became problematic in their relationship after he lost his job and couldn’t provide for them anymore.  Some time has gone by since the break-up and he’s wondering if he let go of the relationship too easily, he doesn’t want to rekindle the relationship, but he lost so much of himself in it and he is struggling to move forward.

Anonymous broke up with the father of her child 5 years ago after he cheated on her and impregnated another woman.  He didn’t support their child after their break-up, and only started doing so after their child turned three. He’s now back in their lives and wants to get back together with anonymous after the lady he cheated on her with cheated on him.  Anonymous is open to officially getting back together with him but her biggest struggle with this is accepting the child he had with the other woman, and that woman’s accessibility to him as the mother of his other child.

Anonymous met her partner in January this year and says their relationship has been great, he ticks all the boxes and she feels quite comfortable being herself around him.  This past weekend while they were at gathering with friends, she caught him on a video call with another lady who was complaining that he doesn’t make time for her anymore.  Anonymous’ partner says it’s someone he dated before who’s struggling to let him go, their relationship faded but they are still in communication.

Anonymous has been with his partner for the last 6 years, a year ago she moved overseas for a new job and to further her studies.  He says communication between them was great at the start of her period away, but over the last six months the communication has not been as regular as it used to be, mostly because she keeps claiming that she’s too tired to chat.  She’ll be coming back soon, but anonymous is worried that she might come back a changed woman, as she’ll also be earning way more than him. He’s anticipating the worst and doesn’t know what to do. 

Anonymous is in her early 40s and is a mother of three.  She’s in the dating market and says she tends to attract much younger men, and thinks it’s because of her younger looking appearance.  The younger men sexually fulfil her more than the older men that she’s dated, and while this is great for her sexual appetite, she wants to get into a more serious relationship and feels like the younger guys are more about fun and not building a solid relationship.  Anonymous also wants to be with someone her teenage children can respect.

Anonymous and her husband met in 2016 and got married in 2022.  She stopped working at some point and started her own business. A couple of years later her partner, who’s much older, was retrenched due to the Covid pandemic, she suggested different things for him to try including helping in the business, but he hasn’t done much since.  Her husband got a large payout after he lost his job and when anonymous requested that he invest in her business he didn’t. He has now run out of money leaving her as the sole provider for their home.  Anonymous is frustrated by his behaviour and feels like he hasn’t been a supportive partner.  

Anonymous has been married to her partner for about 10 years now and they have two children together.  She travels often in her job and back in 2018 ,when she got back from a work trip, she noticed suspicious messages on her partner’s phone with another woman, but she didn’t want to read too much into it and ignored this.  This behaviour continued and upon her return from another work trip, the female friend texted and asked her husband to greet her mother-in-law, and on one occasion when anonymous fell pregnant the friend texted anonymous’ husband saying the pregnancy is a mistake.  She has confronted her husband about this but he keeps telling her that they are just friends.

Anonymous started dating his partner back in 2017 after they’d known each other for a few years.  They have a child together with his partner, however, he doubts that he’s the father of this child. The situation is a bit familiar for anonymous as he has his suspicions that his parents might not be his biological family.  This background has made it difficult for anonymous to deal with the questions he has around the paternity of the child he knows as his son.

Anonymous is in her early 40s and she was married for 18 years before separating from her husband three years ago. She says came out of the marriage with very little and has spent the last few years rebuilding her life.  She met a man who’s in his late twenties within the last year and months after they started dating he proposed and they are now engaged.  They have been together for a year now and their relationship is going strong but she keeps feeling like it’s too good to be true.  Anonymous adds that her partner knows about her one child but she hasn’t told him about her other son as that son is only 4 years younger than his partner. 

Anonymous met his partner seven years ago and says they moved in together at his partner’s family home, on her request, as he used to live at his work quarters when they met.  He was initially ok with this living arrangement, however, over time he’s felt emasculated by this situation, with people in the community referring to him as “makoti”.  He has spoken to his partner about moving out from her family home and renting somewhere else, but she’s completely against it.  Anonymous also feels bullied in his relationship and adds that his partner doesn’t seem to respect him.

Anonymous started dating the mother of his child about four years ago and says things were great until he lost his job and was in the process of starting a new business.  He cheated on her in the midst of all of this, she forgave him and said they should move as she felt he cheated because of the area in which he lived. She helped him grow his business and he says things got busy in that business and he neglected her to a point that she broke up with him.  She’s currently not allowing anonymous access to their child, he doesn’t want to go the legal route as he feels that could add to the animosity between them & he feels like he owes her a lot for helping him.

Anonymous met her current partner back in 2014 and their relationship was completely platonic in the beginning but they eventually started dating and now they are married.  Her problem is that their relationship is not great as a couple because he just doesn’t meet the standards of what she wants in a partner.  Anonymous feels like he’s a better friend than partner to her, she wants to break it off without ending their friendship.

Anonymous dated a man ten years ago and he was a great partner but things didn’t workout because he was struggling to get it up in the bedroom and he was an over drinker.  It’s been about eight years now and the man has returned into her life and she has decided to give him another chance. Things are going well so far however the problems in the bedroom remain.  They haven’t had a conversation regarding his erection issues, and he has now shared with anonymous that he is HIV positive.

Anonymous says he was in a long term relationship which ended about 3 years ago, he says they tried to make their relationship work a couple of times but it didn’t work out.  Anonymous says he has since been in two other relationships and one of those partners ended things with him saying he isn’t man enough, while the second most recent relationship ended because the partner said he doesn’t have enough money.  Anonymous says he feels like he keeps trying in relationships but wonders why he hasn’t had much luck so far. He adds that he’d like to start building a family.

Anonymous has been with her partner for 11 years, she came into the relationship with one child and they have two children together. Her partner has paid half the lobola.  Anonymous says there’s a lot of negativity happening in their relationship and in a recent incident her partner did not come back home as he was upset with her for “blue-ticking” him.  Anonymous says she was shocked by his reasoning for disappearing and they fought about this, which led to her partner throwing her phone in the toilet and anonymous taking his phone and hiding it.  Anonymous says she went through his phone and found messages between her partner and his sister, in which anonymous says her partner was saying nasty things about her. 

Anonymous says it was love at first sight when he met his partner three months ago. Anonymous says he’s met her family and adds that she’s great with his daughter as well.  Anonymous says when they met, she revealed to him that she had just come out of a 7-year lesbian relationship. Anonymous says she has also told him that she’d like to have a threesome with anonymous and another woman, something anonymous says he’s not interested in doing. Anonymous says they are now in talks to start with lobola proceedings, however, anonymous says his partner is still friends with her female ex. Anonymous’ partner says he has nothing to worry about as they are just friends. Anonymous is taken aback by this because his partner might still be into her ex. 

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner since 2016 and they had a child after a year of being together. Anonymous says they only started living together recently.  Anonymous says things have gotten tense in their relationship because he started getting what anonymous thinks were suspicious messages from a colleague and when he confronted him about those texts, he claimed they were business related.  Anonymous says things are now tense as her partner is denying the cheating. Anonymous is not sure if she’s the one blowing things out proportion.

Anonymous says he’s been dating the mother of his child for 10 years now and he’s looking to get married to her, but he’s not quite sure based on her behaviour.  Anonymous says they fight a lot and says she keeps bringing up past fights. Anonymous says he wanted to start the lobola process last year but she said to him that she’s not ready to get married and instead kept the money that was meant for her lobola.  Anonymous says when he asks about this money she gets upset so he feels like he can’t bring up anymore.

Anonymous says he’s been with his wife for 14 years and they have two children together. Anonymous says their relationship was fine until he cheated on his wife on two separate occasions. Anonymous says she forgave him both times and they were able to move on.  Anonymous says time went by and then his wife started cheating on him. Anonymous says he was able to move on with the relationship after finding out about his wife’s cheating. Anonymous says even though they are still together, he’s struggling to forget about about his wife’s cheating and says he can’t see her in the same way anymore.  Anonymous says another issue is that his wife has become quite flashy, and says this started around the second time he cheated on her and at the time he was making more money.

Anonymous says he’s currently dating two ladies, he’s known lady no.1 since 2014 and they have a child together. Anonymous says their relationship was fine until 2019 when she started drinking a lot and it was causing problems in their relationship.  Anonymous says he met another lady, lady no.2, in 2023 and they’ve been together since, even though he’s still with the mother of his child. Anonymous says when he met lady no.2 she was still married to someone else but got divorced and anonymous say his affair with lady no.2 was stated as the reason for lady no.2’s divorce.

Anonymous says she’s in her late twenties and she’s been in a relationship with her partner for about four years but it’s been messy because her partner cheated on her a few times and she forgave him.  Anonymous says she then met another guy while in a relationship with her partner and decided to have an affair with this guy, in retaliation to her partner’s infidelities.  Anonymous says she’s now pregnant but she’s not sure who the father of the child is. Anonymous says her side piece is aware that it’s possible that he’s not the father but her partner has no idea and he’s just happy to build a family with her.  Anonymous is not sure how to move forward.

Anonymous says he’s been with his girlfriend since 2020 and they have two year-old child together.  Anonymous says at some point he lost his job and this when his partner’s behaviour changed. Anonymous says one of the problems he’s found is that his girlfriend has been having relations with other guys while they’ve been together.  Anonymous says he’s now working again and he’s even thinking of marrying his girlfriend but he’s struggling to trust her and is not sure if she can be the right wife for him. 

Anonymous says he’s been in an on and off situation with his partner for a while now. Anonymous says she cheated on him early on in their relationship but he ended up forgiving her and even considered getting married to her.  Anonymous says they then ran into some trouble when they tried to conceive a child and even lost a baby, but anonymous says during that grieving period he found out that she cheated on him with the same guy again. Anonymous says they eventually broke up.  Anonymous says despite them breaking things off he’s struggling to let it go and she keeps coming back into his life. Anonymous says she’s to always come back into his life when he’s busy with someone else, but then disappears when he starts giving her attention again.

Anonymous says when he met his current wife 9 years ago, she had a 1 year-old child. Anonymous says since then he has raised this child as his own.  Anonymous says they are currently separated after he found out that his wife was flirting with a colleague. Anonymous says they are now officially separated however he feels like he shouldn’t be the one to financially support the child as he’s no longer in a relationship with the mother.  Anonymous says they do have one other child together, and he’s only willing to support this child, as the other child has their own father and his estranged wife now has another partner. Anonymous is wondering if he’s taking the right approach to the situation.

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for two years, and her current relationship overlapped with her previous relationship.  Anonymous says early in their relationship her partner found out that she was still dating her ex partner. Anonymous says they fought about this and she finally broke up with her ex. Anonymous says their relationship continued but her partner also cheated on her, and said she did it because she struggled to get over the fact that anonymous had cheated.  Anonymous says her partner has struggled to get over the initial cheating and they keep fighting about it. Anonymous says her partner broke up with her yesterday and she’s not sure if she should fight for her. 

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for just over a year now and they have a 14-year age gap between them.  Anonymous says they’ve been speaking about their future and it looks like they could get married but her partner already has 3 children from his previous 3 relationships and he doesn’t seem keen to have more children.  Anonymous says she wants to be with him and build a future with him, but feels like even if he were to have a child with her, he would be doing it reluctantly.

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for just over a year now and they have a 14-year age gap between them.  Anonymous says they’ve been speaking about their future and it looks like they could get married but her partner already has 3 children from his previous 3 relationships and he doesn’t seem keen to have more children.  Anonymous says she wants to be with him and build a future with him, but feels like even if he were to have a child with her, he would be doing it reluctantly.

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for about 3 years and says when they started dating he didn’t tell her that he was in a relationship with someone else. Anonymous says after she got suspicious, he confessed to her that he does have another partnerback home, where he comes from.  Anonymous says she’s known about the other girl for about a year now and says despite their relationship being great, she’s not comfortable with him having another partner.  Anonymous says he has said that he plans to leave the other woman, but it still hasn’t happened.

Anonymous says he’s been dating a lady, who’s married to someone else, for about 5 years now. Anonymous says when he told her about his dreams to open his own business, she volunteered to raise the funds for him for the business.  Anonymous says they got the funding but he didn’t want  to have the business registered in both their names as he was scared of what could happen if the lady’s husband found out about their affair. Anonymous says they decided to register the business under his name and this lady’s best friend’s name.  Anonymous says time went by and the lady is now looking to divorce her husband, the problem is now the lady’s best friend…

Anonymous says after being single for two years, he met a guy in September last year, and two weeks into their relationship, the guy told him that he had a spiritual calling and would be going to initiation for about 6 months.  Anonymous says the guy wasn’t allowed to have visitors while at initiation but they kept in contact by calling each other. Anonymous says the guy was then not allowed to take calls and this affected their relationship, leaving anonymous feeling lonely.  Anonymous says during this time he met someone else, guy no.2,  and they instantly fell in love. Anonymous says he’s in a relationship with guy no.2.

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for about two years now. They never moved in together but would stay at each other’s places for extended periods. Anonymous says his partner got into the habit of leaving his place and staying at her own place every time they fight. Anonymous says during one of the times his partner moved out he started entertaining another lady who he says became a confidant to him, anonymous says he eventually slept wit this lady and when he didn’t continue the relationship with this lady, she shared screen shots of their chats with anonymous’ partner. Anonymous says his partner is obviously upset about the chats that she’s seen and they are currently fighting about this. Anonymous says he loves his partner and he’s not sure on how to go about repairing their relationship.

Anonymous says she’s known her husband for 8 years and they’ve been married for 6 of those years. Anonymous says her relationship with her partner is toxic and says the biggest issue is finances.  Anonymous says she earns more than her partner and says he also doesn’t contribute much to their household finances. Anonymous says she feels like she has been financially and verbally abusive towards her partner, calling him useless for not taking care their family.  Anonymous says it’s not that he earns less, it’s that he doesn’t spend much money on their family, and has instead accumulated a lot of debt.  Anonymous says she feels like she needs to end the relationship but her heart won’t let go and she can’t financially afford to leave the relationship right now.

Anonymous says her partner recently went through her phone and found nude pictures of her with her ex on her phone.  Anonymous says her partner was upset after finding the pictures, which were recently sent by her ex. Anonymous says her partner also saw a message where she suggested to her ex that they have a threesome.  Anonymous says they went to therapy to try and resolve this issue, however, in a recent incident, her partner tried to call her but he got upset when he couldn’t reach anonymous because he just imagined that anonymous was busy with the ex.  Anonymous says her partner has been deeply affected by this and seems to be pulling away from her. Anonymous says she’s serious about him and doesn’t know how they can move forward from this. 

Anonymous says he has been dating his partner for about 3 years now and says she has been very supportive of him from the time they started dating as he had just graduated.  Anonymous says he got into the e-hailing business and when he decided to start driving his own car, she helped him get the car and they agreed that he would pay her back for the car and they would change the ownership of the car to his name later.  Anonymous says he has since got two more cars on his own but when he tried to change the ownership of the first car from his partner’s name to his own name, she was avoiding doing this, which led to him checking the details of the car, and that’s when he found out that the car is owned by his partner’s husband, and he had no idea that she was even married.  Anonymous is worried about the car situation but he’s also not comfortable with continuing the relationship with his partner knowing that she’s married.