#AskAMan

Anonymous has been with her partner for about 3 years now and they moved in together about a year ago.  Her partner has been struggling financially for a while now and has accused anonymous of not supporting him financially and not spending on their household.  She has now found out that he’s been cheating on her with another lady who he says supports him financially. Anonymous wonders if his complaints about her lack of support are valid. 

Anonymous and her husband have been together for 8 years and have been married for two of those years.  Her husband cheated on her with 7 different women, she reported this to their families, they resolved it and they’ve now moved on with their relationship. She started using PrEP to protect herself she’s now in an interim and they need to use condoms, but her husband is refusing to do this.

Anonymous and her husband have been together for 7 years now and they have a child together. It’s been rocky in their relationship with infidelity happening on both sides. At some point they addressed this situation in their relationship, forgave each other and decided to move forward in their relationship.  However, she feels like their relationship is not the same anymore after all they’ve been through. They both want to make it work, but currently it seems to not be going anywhere. 

Anonymous has been with his partner for about 5 years now and they have a child together.  Their relationship has been messy over the last two years and his partner now wants to leave him because she feels like he doesn’t communicate properly in the relationship and that he has anger issues…

Anonymous with her ex partner for about nine years and they have two children together. Their relationship ended after she cheated on her partner and he found out.  She’s now in a new relationship and the guy is amazing to her and her kids. However,  she feels like she’s still healing from the wounds of her previous relationship. 

Anonymous has been with her boyfriend since late last year and they work together.  She works in HR and when he had to apply for family responsibility leave in her office, she found out that his ex had just given birth to his child and he had been hiding that pregnancy from her. Another issue in their relationship is family planning, anonymous wants her partner to share in the costs of the contraceptive she wants to use but he doesn’t agree.  She’s wondering if he’s lying about the relationship he has with the mother of his children and whether she’s unreasonable for wanting him to contribute to the contraceptive. 

Anonymous met a guy back in 2017, they immediately fell in love and, soon after they started dating, they had a child together.  The guy then moved overseas to pursue his studies and during his time abroad their relationship took a turn for the worst and it faded away.  Seven years later he’s back in the country and she is now back together with him, but feels like he’s not present in their relationship, and he’s not really there for their daughter, who he hasn’t been supporting this entire time.  Anonymous took him back in so they could be a family but she feels like it’s not working out the way it should.

Anonymous has been with his partner for about 8 years now and they have a 4 year-old child together.  About two years ago his partner started becoming off-ish about sex and she eventually started scheduling sex between them to three times a month.  This became a problem in their relationship and she told anonymous that if he wants more sex he can go outside of their relationship and find someone else to have sex with.  Upon realising that he found someone to have sex with, she became upset and accused anonymous of cheating on her.  She moved out of their home out of anger but was convinced by his family to go back to their home.  Things haven’t been the same since she got back and she has now left their home again saying that she’s struggling with his “betrayal”.  Anonymous still loves his partner and doesn’t know how to resolve this.

Anonymous and her partner have been together for 10 years and they’ve been married for about 3 of those years.  She has a mental illness and she has relapsed a few times over the duration of their relationship, and the last relapse she had was as a result of her pregnancy.  They now have one child together and she would like to have another child, as that was their plan, but her partner is not sure if having another baby is worth destabilising anonymous’ mental health.

Anonymous has been with her partner for about 4 years now, however, he was in what he described as a complicated relationship with the mother of his child when they met.  Her partner then moved in together with the mother of his child as she was kicked out from her home and needed shelter. As it turns out they got back together and he has now paid lobola for this other lady.  Anonymous has since had a child with her partner, and him and his family are now saying they want to take her in as a second wife. Anonymous is not sure about any of this.

Anonymous has been with her partner for about two years now, after they met while working in the same company.  He now works in another province and they are now in a long distance relationship.  She feels like their relationship is not moving and doesn’t have much direction. She’s also found a woman’s pyjamas while visiting her partner, but he said they are his sister’s pyjamas.  Anonymous is not sure what to read into their relationship as it currently stands.

Anonymous has been with her partner for four years and things were fine until she realised that her partner had a drinking problem and spent a lot of time with her friends partying.  She brought this up often with her partner but her partner would respond by accusing anonymous of being controlling and not wanting her to have a good time.  Communication remains a big problem in their relationship as they don’t seem to see eye to eye.

Anonymous was in a serious relationship with her now ex and they have an 8 month old baby.  A few weeks ago she looked through his phone and found a text on his phone where he was courting another lady and flirting with her.  This led to her breaking up with him. He has now tried to get her back, but she’s refusing.

Anonymous has been with her partner for almost five years, and she feels like there are too many voices in their relationship, particularly from her partner’s family, and it’s starting to negatively affect their relationship. The problem? She does not feel protected by her partner from his family, so much so, she is reconsidering going ahead with marrying him. She wants to know; how can she make him realise that his family’s voices are too loud in their relationship?

Anonymous has been in a long distance relationship with her partner for two years now and recently they ended up in an argument, that seemed small to her at the time, but they didn’t speak for two weeks afterwards.  She expected him to eventually call her to apologise as she felt like he was at fault but he never did. She then gave in and called him to try and fix things, but he said to her he was over the relationship and broke up with her saying it’s because they have a communication problem.

Anonymous’ problems with her partner started when things became transactional between them. He’s an e-hailing driver and she says every time he’d drive her somewhere he’d ask her to officially request a trip with him because chauffeuring is his work.  Things have also been tense between them because he feels as though she doesn’t prioritise him in their relationship. This has brought many fights in their relationship and she says he tends to be vicious with his words when they argue, but then turns around and showers her with lots of love.  She’s feeling drained by all this and doesn’t know if the relationship is worth keeping.

Anonymous has been with her husband for about 10 years now. It took them a while to get married as her family was against them getting married. She eventually ended up marrying him without her parent’s blessing, which caused a rift between her and her family.  Her husband had a close friend that he lived with while they were dating and anonymous did suspect there was something going on between her husband and his close male friend, she later found out, after looking through his phone that he did indeed have a relationship with his friend. Her husband has said that he is not gay and that was just a phase, he has also cheated on her with a woman, however, anonymous is worried that he might be gay and he will want to be with another guy in future. 

Anonymous is in her early thirties and says she met her now ex boyfriend about two years ago, and things were fine between them until she found he was still speaking to his previous ex.  They spoke about this and she told him she forgave him but she struggled to move on and ended up going on dates with other guys. He found out about her dates with other guys, they talked through it and moved on with their relationship.  They also got into a lot of fights when they’d be out drinking…

Anonymous has known the father of her child for about 10 years after they met during their high school days.  They dated for many years and had one child together, but they ended up breaking up because she was tired of him always being out with friends and not assisting in the household.  Anonymous moved on to a new relationship but her ex started to visit more under the guise of seeing their child, this led to them having sexual relations, and anonymous even broke up with her new partner after they agreed to work on their relationship. After breaking up with her new partner, her ex started to pull back from her.  Recently, her ex came to a party at her home with his new girlfriend and anonymous ended up in a physical altercation with the new girl because she felt disrespected.  Anonymous says her partner is always suggesting that they fix things even though he has this girl in this life.  Anonymous has now blocked him but she’s not sure if she made the right decision.

Anonymous’ partner moved to another province after she found a job there. He helped her move and even bought furniture for her, however, his help was met with scepticism from his partner’s family, which left him feeling disheartened.  Fast forward to now, they’ve had many back and forths in their relationship with anonymous feeling unappreciated. His partner has now lost her father and has asked anonymous for space due to his grieving.  

Anonymous and her partner have been married for six years now and they have two children together.  Their relationship was ok until they had a huge rift, which left anonymous feeling like her partner’s family is too involved in their relationship. Her partner moved out of their house and told her that he now wants a divorce.  She adds that her partner has also said he was actually only ever interested in having kids. She is trying to salvage their relationship but wonders if she should continue to pursue the restoration of their marriage.

Anonymous has been with his partner for almost two years now and they now live together with her two children.  His partner was in the middle of lobola proceedings when she broke up with the father of her children and they had gotten a joint-mortgage for the house they lived in. Anonymous wants to marry his partner but he’s worried that his partner is still jointly linked to a major asset with her ex.  He wants her to give up on the house so that they can move on with their relationship on a clean slate.

Anonymous met a man on a dating site about three weeks ago, and she’s enjoying getting to know him but he seems to only be available to her during office hours.  She confronted him about this behaviour and he said it’s because he’s struggled with insomnia in the past and is often off his phone in the evenings to remedy this. He also added that he’s been single for a long time and is readjusting to dating.  His communication, after hours, hasn’t improved, and anonymous is not sure what to read into this.

Anonymous has been with her partner for almost six years, they’ve been married for two of those years and they have a ten month old child.  Their relationship is generally great, but the problem is a friend that her partner has, as she’s seen videos of them being cozy together and they’ve even exchanged messages declaring their love for each other.  They’ve been fighting about this same girl for most of their relationship, however, she’s not sure if she should give up on what she’s built with him because of the relationship he has with this one girl.

Anonymous and her partner have been together for three years. He already had two children before they started dating and they have  since had a child together who is now 10 months old.  They are in a long distance relationship and last week, when he came to visit her for her birthday, he was trying to post pictures of her on his WhatsApp stories when she noticed that he blocked 3 ladies from seeing his stories.  She questioned him about this and he said it was people from work that he blocked from seeing his stories. Anonymous still finds this suspicious and wonders if he could be busy with other people.

Anonymous has been with his partner, on and off, for about a year and a half now. They broke up twice in their relationship mostly because he used to go out a lot and also cheated on her.  They are now back together but he suspects that she might be in a relationship with the guy she was having a thing with before they got back together.  He doesn’t have any concrete evidence of this but says she tends to be evasive about her whereabouts and has done some things that make anonymous question her commitment.

Anonymous met a lady at the gym in the latter part of last year, the lady had a boyfriend, but they ended up having an affair.  Things got more serious between them as they were spending a lot of time together and she told this lady that she’d like to make things official between them which caused a rift between them because this lady was struggling to break up with her boyfriend.  The lady then told anonymous that she’s broken up with her boyfriend, and they continued with their relationship, however, it turned out that this lady was actually still having a thing with her boyfriend.  They fought about this but kissed and made up…

Anonymous is in her late twenties and is a mother of an 18 month old baby. She was with the father of her child for about three years but the relationship was toxic and after she gave birth she broke up with her partner and moved out of his family home.  Months after the break up she went back to the house to fetch her things, and this is when she met her ex’s new girlfriend. The new girlfriend then offered to support her child.  They continued to chill and the new girlfriend then kissed anonymous and they ended up having sex.  She’s now confused by her relationship with the new girlfriend, who’s supporting her child, however she’s worried about their relationship being transactional.

Anonymous and her partner have been together for two years now and during that they moved in together and built a house together.  A couple of months after they bought the house, her partner started behaving differently, going out more and having fun with friends. Anonymous addressed his changed behaviour, he agreed to spend more time at home but it’s been going on for months now.  Her partner disappeared over the long weekend which caused a rift between them once again. Her partner has now told her that he still wants to have fun and doesn’t want to live like an old married couple.  Anonymous is not sure how to interpret this.

Anonymous has been with her partner since 2017 and they got married in 2019, she adds that he was a virgin when they met in their late twenties.  Her problem is in the bedroom as he struggles to pleasure her and when she tries to find out what he likes, he’s not sure.  Anonymous has tried many different things to get them on the same page sexually, but their sex life has not been improving.

Anonymous has been with her partner, guy no.1, for about 4 years now and things were fine until he lost his job and it created a burden on their relationship.  She started noticing things about his treatment of her, realising that he often body shames her and is always speaking down to her.  She has now started dating other people: guy no.2, who’s married and has said he doesn’t mind marrying anonymous as a second wife, and guy no.3, who she’s also having a good time with currently but is not sure if it’s just vibes or something more serious.

Anonymous and her fiancé have been in a relationship for over a decade now and live together with two of their children, including her child, from a previous relationship, and a child they have together. Her fiancé also had a child with someone else while they already in a relationship.  Her problem is how her partner sometimes speaks to her, she feels that he can be very insensitive & harsh towards her. They have also cheated on each other in the past and that keeps coming up in their arguments.  Anonymous her partner basically struggle when it comes to communication.

Anonymous broke up with his partner a few months ago, after five years together, because she cheated on him with a guy she had a history with.  He feels as though things became problematic in their relationship after he lost his job and couldn’t provide for them anymore.  Some time has gone by since the break-up and he’s wondering if he let go of the relationship too easily, he doesn’t want to rekindle the relationship, but he lost so much of himself in it and he is struggling to move forward.

Anonymous broke up with the father of her child 5 years ago after he cheated on her and impregnated another woman.  He didn’t support their child after their break-up, and only started doing so after their child turned three. He’s now back in their lives and wants to get back together with anonymous after the lady he cheated on her with cheated on him.  Anonymous is open to officially getting back together with him but her biggest struggle with this is accepting the child he had with the other woman, and that woman’s accessibility to him as the mother of his other child.

Anonymous met her partner in January this year and says their relationship has been great, he ticks all the boxes and she feels quite comfortable being herself around him.  This past weekend while they were at gathering with friends, she caught him on a video call with another lady who was complaining that he doesn’t make time for her anymore.  Anonymous’ partner says it’s someone he dated before who’s struggling to let him go, their relationship faded but they are still in communication.

Anonymous has been with his partner for the last 6 years, a year ago she moved overseas for a new job and to further her studies.  He says communication between them was great at the start of her period away, but over the last six months the communication has not been as regular as it used to be, mostly because she keeps claiming that she’s too tired to chat.  She’ll be coming back soon, but anonymous is worried that she might come back a changed woman, as she’ll also be earning way more than him. He’s anticipating the worst and doesn’t know what to do. 

Anonymous is in her early 40s and is a mother of three.  She’s in the dating market and says she tends to attract much younger men, and thinks it’s because of her younger looking appearance.  The younger men sexually fulfil her more than the older men that she’s dated, and while this is great for her sexual appetite, she wants to get into a more serious relationship and feels like the younger guys are more about fun and not building a solid relationship.  Anonymous also wants to be with someone her teenage children can respect.

Anonymous and her husband met in 2016 and got married in 2022.  She stopped working at some point and started her own business. A couple of years later her partner, who’s much older, was retrenched due to the Covid pandemic, she suggested different things for him to try including helping in the business, but he hasn’t done much since.  Her husband got a large payout after he lost his job and when anonymous requested that he invest in her business he didn’t. He has now run out of money leaving her as the sole provider for their home.  Anonymous is frustrated by his behaviour and feels like he hasn’t been a supportive partner.  

Anonymous has been married to her partner for about 10 years now and they have two children together.  She travels often in her job and back in 2018 ,when she got back from a work trip, she noticed suspicious messages on her partner’s phone with another woman, but she didn’t want to read too much into it and ignored this.  This behaviour continued and upon her return from another work trip, the female friend texted and asked her husband to greet her mother-in-law, and on one occasion when anonymous fell pregnant the friend texted anonymous’ husband saying the pregnancy is a mistake.  She has confronted her husband about this but he keeps telling her that they are just friends.

Anonymous started dating his partner back in 2017 after they’d known each other for a few years.  They have a child together with his partner, however, he doubts that he’s the father of this child. The situation is a bit familiar for anonymous as he has his suspicions that his parents might not be his biological family.  This background has made it difficult for anonymous to deal with the questions he has around the paternity of the child he knows as his son.

Anonymous is in her early 40s and she was married for 18 years before separating from her husband three years ago. She says came out of the marriage with very little and has spent the last few years rebuilding her life.  She met a man who’s in his late twenties within the last year and months after they started dating he proposed and they are now engaged.  They have been together for a year now and their relationship is going strong but she keeps feeling like it’s too good to be true.  Anonymous adds that her partner knows about her one child but she hasn’t told him about her other son as that son is only 4 years younger than his partner. 

Anonymous met his partner seven years ago and says they moved in together at his partner’s family home, on her request, as he used to live at his work quarters when they met.  He was initially ok with this living arrangement, however, over time he’s felt emasculated by this situation, with people in the community referring to him as “makoti”.  He has spoken to his partner about moving out from her family home and renting somewhere else, but she’s completely against it.  Anonymous also feels bullied in his relationship and adds that his partner doesn’t seem to respect him.