#AskAMan

Anonymous and her partner have been married for three years now and they’ve been together for 5 years overall.  She lost her job about a year ago and has been struggling to get something new, leaving her partner to be the sole breadwinner.  Her problem is that she feels like he’s not financially ambitious enough, and when she suggests businesses they can get into to improve their finances, he’s not very responsive. He doesn’t seem to be interested in investing in their future and that’s frustrating anonymous.

Anonymous and her partner have been married for three years now and they’ve been together for 5 years overall.  She lost her job about a year ago and has been struggling to get something new, leaving her partner to be the sole breadwinner.  Her problem is that she feels like he’s not financially ambitious enough, and when she suggests businesses they can get into to improve their finances, he’s not very responsive. He doesn’t seem to be interested in investing in their future and that’s frustrating anonymous.

Anonymous has been with his partner for about 6 years now after knowing each other at work for about 3 years as friends, as she was in a relationship at the time. They started dating well after she broke up with the father of her child. They agreed to have a child together from the beginning of their relationship, but they’ve struggled to conceive.  He cheated on her with another lady starting late last year and that lady is now pregnant.

Anonymous has been with her partner for about two years now, after coming out of a 13-year relationship that produced two children.  This weekend, when she happened to be using his phone, she found voice notes from some other lady that were suspicious, she got angry and hit her partner.  She comes from a toxic and violent background which she thinks has led to her aggressive behaviour towards her partner.  She’s hit her partner on two separate occasions and feels terrible about this. She doesn’t want to continue reacting this way and wonders how she can fix herself and repair their relationship.

Anonymous has been with her husband for 6 years now and they have two children together.  Her partner started acting off towards her about 3 years ago and then at some point he even stopped sleeping in their room without much of an explanation.  He eventually opened up to anonymous and revealed that he wasn’t comfortable around her as he felt like she has bad energies and those energies are affecting him spiritually, going as far as calling her a witch.  They are now separated, after she moved out of their home. He wants her back but anonymous says he’s not addressing his spiritual issues, as he’s not even speaking to his family and thinks everyone around him wants to dim his spirit.

Anonymous and her partner have been together for seven years now and they have two children together.  She found out that he was cheating on her last year but she forgave him after he made an effort to win her back, and they are now engaged.  Things have now gotten weird in their relationship and he has become sexually avoidant. She’s not sure what to read into this.

Anonymous has been with her partner since the beginning of last year and they have one child together.  They moved in together, six months into their relationship, and her partner’s brother also moved in with them.  Her partner has other two other children that live else where, however, her partner has now suggested that one of his children move in with them but she’s worried about the financial impact of this as they currently live on his salary, with some support from his brother. 

Anonymous has a large package and it’s causing trouble in his love life.  The women he likes never want to continue being in a relationship with him because of their sexual experience with him. However, the women he meets at bars for fun enjoy his larger size but he’s not interested in a lot of them.  Anonymous wants to know how to deal with this. 

Anonymous met a guy back in 2016 and after two years of dating they decided to have a baby, and they ended up having twins.  Her partner questioned the paternity of the twins, they got a paternity test done and it was confirmed that they are his children. Anonymous felt disrespected by him and ended their relationship, after months of tension in their relationship as a result of the questions regarding the paternity of the children.  Seven months after they broke up, she found out that he had gotten married to someone else post their break-up, she confronted him about this but it ended up with them having an affair and having another child.  He now wants to introduce anonymous and their children to his wife so that they can have a healthy relationship. She doesn’t know what to read into this. 

Anonymous is ten years younger than his partner, she has three children and he has one daughter.  He would like to have more children of his own, however, she can’t physically bare more children and he would like to have a male child of his own who will carry his legacy.  He loves his partner and appreciates her contribution to his personal & professional development, however, this is a major drawback of staying in this relationship. 

Anonymous has been with her partner for about 3 years now and they moved in together about a year ago.  Her partner has been struggling financially for a while now and has accused anonymous of not supporting him financially and not spending on their household.  She has now found out that he’s been cheating on her with another lady who he says supports him financially. Anonymous wonders if his complaints about her lack of support are valid. 

Anonymous and her husband have been together for 8 years and have been married for two of those years.  Her husband cheated on her with 7 different women, she reported this to their families, they resolved it and they’ve now moved on with their relationship. She started using PrEP to protect herself she’s now in an interim and they need to use condoms, but her husband is refusing to do this.

Anonymous and her husband have been together for 7 years now and they have a child together. It’s been rocky in their relationship with infidelity happening on both sides. At some point they addressed this situation in their relationship, forgave each other and decided to move forward in their relationship.  However, she feels like their relationship is not the same anymore after all they’ve been through. They both want to make it work, but currently it seems to not be going anywhere. 

Anonymous has been with his partner for about 5 years now and they have a child together.  Their relationship has been messy over the last two years and his partner now wants to leave him because she feels like he doesn’t communicate properly in the relationship and that he has anger issues…

Anonymous with her ex partner for about nine years and they have two children together. Their relationship ended after she cheated on her partner and he found out.  She’s now in a new relationship and the guy is amazing to her and her kids. However,  she feels like she’s still healing from the wounds of her previous relationship. 

Anonymous has been with her boyfriend since late last year and they work together.  She works in HR and when he had to apply for family responsibility leave in her office, she found out that his ex had just given birth to his child and he had been hiding that pregnancy from her. Another issue in their relationship is family planning, anonymous wants her partner to share in the costs of the contraceptive she wants to use but he doesn’t agree.  She’s wondering if he’s lying about the relationship he has with the mother of his children and whether she’s unreasonable for wanting him to contribute to the contraceptive. 

Anonymous met a guy back in 2017, they immediately fell in love and, soon after they started dating, they had a child together.  The guy then moved overseas to pursue his studies and during his time abroad their relationship took a turn for the worst and it faded away.  Seven years later he’s back in the country and she is now back together with him, but feels like he’s not present in their relationship, and he’s not really there for their daughter, who he hasn’t been supporting this entire time.  Anonymous took him back in so they could be a family but she feels like it’s not working out the way it should.

Anonymous has been with his partner for about 8 years now and they have a 4 year-old child together.  About two years ago his partner started becoming off-ish about sex and she eventually started scheduling sex between them to three times a month.  This became a problem in their relationship and she told anonymous that if he wants more sex he can go outside of their relationship and find someone else to have sex with.  Upon realising that he found someone to have sex with, she became upset and accused anonymous of cheating on her.  She moved out of their home out of anger but was convinced by his family to go back to their home.  Things haven’t been the same since she got back and she has now left their home again saying that she’s struggling with his “betrayal”.  Anonymous still loves his partner and doesn’t know how to resolve this.

Anonymous and her partner have been together for 10 years and they’ve been married for about 3 of those years.  She has a mental illness and she has relapsed a few times over the duration of their relationship, and the last relapse she had was as a result of her pregnancy.  They now have one child together and she would like to have another child, as that was their plan, but her partner is not sure if having another baby is worth destabilising anonymous’ mental health.

Anonymous has been with her partner for about 4 years now, however, he was in what he described as a complicated relationship with the mother of his child when they met.  Her partner then moved in together with the mother of his child as she was kicked out from her home and needed shelter. As it turns out they got back together and he has now paid lobola for this other lady.  Anonymous has since had a child with her partner, and him and his family are now saying they want to take her in as a second wife. Anonymous is not sure about any of this.

Anonymous has been with her partner for about two years now, after they met while working in the same company.  He now works in another province and they are now in a long distance relationship.  She feels like their relationship is not moving and doesn’t have much direction. She’s also found a woman’s pyjamas while visiting her partner, but he said they are his sister’s pyjamas.  Anonymous is not sure what to read into their relationship as it currently stands.

Anonymous has been with her partner for four years and things were fine until she realised that her partner had a drinking problem and spent a lot of time with her friends partying.  She brought this up often with her partner but her partner would respond by accusing anonymous of being controlling and not wanting her to have a good time.  Communication remains a big problem in their relationship as they don’t seem to see eye to eye.

Anonymous was in a serious relationship with her now ex and they have an 8 month old baby.  A few weeks ago she looked through his phone and found a text on his phone where he was courting another lady and flirting with her.  This led to her breaking up with him. He has now tried to get her back, but she’s refusing.

Anonymous has been with her partner for almost five years, and she feels like there are too many voices in their relationship, particularly from her partner’s family, and it’s starting to negatively affect their relationship. The problem? She does not feel protected by her partner from his family, so much so, she is reconsidering going ahead with marrying him. She wants to know; how can she make him realise that his family’s voices are too loud in their relationship?

Anonymous has been in a long distance relationship with her partner for two years now and recently they ended up in an argument, that seemed small to her at the time, but they didn’t speak for two weeks afterwards.  She expected him to eventually call her to apologise as she felt like he was at fault but he never did. She then gave in and called him to try and fix things, but he said to her he was over the relationship and broke up with her saying it’s because they have a communication problem.

Anonymous’ problems with her partner started when things became transactional between them. He’s an e-hailing driver and she says every time he’d drive her somewhere he’d ask her to officially request a trip with him because chauffeuring is his work.  Things have also been tense between them because he feels as though she doesn’t prioritise him in their relationship. This has brought many fights in their relationship and she says he tends to be vicious with his words when they argue, but then turns around and showers her with lots of love.  She’s feeling drained by all this and doesn’t know if the relationship is worth keeping.

Anonymous has been with her husband for about 10 years now. It took them a while to get married as her family was against them getting married. She eventually ended up marrying him without her parent’s blessing, which caused a rift between her and her family.  Her husband had a close friend that he lived with while they were dating and anonymous did suspect there was something going on between her husband and his close male friend, she later found out, after looking through his phone that he did indeed have a relationship with his friend. Her husband has said that he is not gay and that was just a phase, he has also cheated on her with a woman, however, anonymous is worried that he might be gay and he will want to be with another guy in future. 

Anonymous is in her early thirties and says she met her now ex boyfriend about two years ago, and things were fine between them until she found he was still speaking to his previous ex.  They spoke about this and she told him she forgave him but she struggled to move on and ended up going on dates with other guys. He found out about her dates with other guys, they talked through it and moved on with their relationship.  They also got into a lot of fights when they’d be out drinking…

Anonymous has known the father of her child for about 10 years after they met during their high school days.  They dated for many years and had one child together, but they ended up breaking up because she was tired of him always being out with friends and not assisting in the household.  Anonymous moved on to a new relationship but her ex started to visit more under the guise of seeing their child, this led to them having sexual relations, and anonymous even broke up with her new partner after they agreed to work on their relationship. After breaking up with her new partner, her ex started to pull back from her.  Recently, her ex came to a party at her home with his new girlfriend and anonymous ended up in a physical altercation with the new girl because she felt disrespected.  Anonymous says her partner is always suggesting that they fix things even though he has this girl in this life.  Anonymous has now blocked him but she’s not sure if she made the right decision.

Anonymous’ partner moved to another province after she found a job there. He helped her move and even bought furniture for her, however, his help was met with scepticism from his partner’s family, which left him feeling disheartened.  Fast forward to now, they’ve had many back and forths in their relationship with anonymous feeling unappreciated. His partner has now lost her father and has asked anonymous for space due to his grieving.  

Anonymous and her partner have been married for six years now and they have two children together.  Their relationship was ok until they had a huge rift, which left anonymous feeling like her partner’s family is too involved in their relationship. Her partner moved out of their house and told her that he now wants a divorce.  She adds that her partner has also said he was actually only ever interested in having kids. She is trying to salvage their relationship but wonders if she should continue to pursue the restoration of their marriage.

Anonymous has been with his partner for almost two years now and they now live together with her two children.  His partner was in the middle of lobola proceedings when she broke up with the father of her children and they had gotten a joint-mortgage for the house they lived in. Anonymous wants to marry his partner but he’s worried that his partner is still jointly linked to a major asset with her ex.  He wants her to give up on the house so that they can move on with their relationship on a clean slate.