Zen Pop

Are you sure about that? Parents of boys say this to us a lot, but this can be a matter of experience or expectation. Sure, it may feel true in many situations, but not hearing a peep from your boys about anything doesn’t mean that nothing is going on – they may just be less comfortable expressing their emotions and asking for help. Maybe a girl does become more frustrated or unsure about emotional experiences or relationships, but this is entirely normal and healthy. They are often more connected, tapped-in, and caring when it comes to people and life. Not such bad traits, right? Instead of telling them they are dramatic and oversensitive, let’s learn how to support, soothe, and guide them so they can feel good about their gifts and who they are. And when it comes to our boys, let’s allow for emotional expression and demonstrate that it’s OK to ask for help. By the way- Todd gets frustrated when other men tell him about all the drama when it comes to raising daughters. The term “drama” carries a negative energy or something to avoid, so Cathy suggests “framing and naming”. We respond to something based on how we view it, so if we think girls are over dramatic, then we fight against or think it should be different. If we believe emotions are normal and that our job is support emotional expression, then we won’t be so triggered by our daughter’s emotional experiences. We can call our girls dramatic and oversensitive, or we can call them intuitive, connected, and heart-centered. Totally different response based on how we define them. We also discussed a blog titled “He said he was leaving. She ignored him.” In it the writer takes a different approach to her marital issues and low and behold it worked. He tried to blame her for his pain and unload his own feelings onto her and she simply didn’t take it. Listen in to see how it all went down. Finally we answered a question from a listener regarding her concern over her daughters’ modeling job. She was worried that the wrong message was being sent regarding her inner beauty vs her outer beauty. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!  

Do you ever feel like you don’t have time to live your passion? You are not alone. That’s why we invited Chicago musician Gerry O’Keefe to talk with us about living his passion while taking care of work and family business. We discuss how to keep your passion despite the responsibilities we have as a parent, employee, spouse, etc., his new album titled “Whatever Suits You”, Van Halen, David Cassidy, not allowing the negative to penetrate our mindset, and finally The Monkees Be sure to listen in to a “sing-off” between amateur vocalist Todd Adams vs professional vocalist Gerry O’Keefe. Who wins? You decide. If you live in Elmhurst, make sure you see Gerry O’Keefe perform at HB Jones on Saturday, November 9th at 7:30! It’s a fun and all-ages show. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!  

Failure is important right? We learn a lot from failure, right? Then why do we try to protect our children from ever failing? We have a discussion between the relationship between failure, confidence, narcissism, self worth, etc. The people who have made the largest impact on our world had significant failures, too. We also discuss families who send their kids to an “athletic boarding school” Is this an effort to give their child the best opportunity to succeed, or is it deeper than that?   Don’t forget to listen in to our bi-monthly podcast called- “Conversations with People We Love” This week we speak with Chicago’s own singer/songwriter Gerry O’Keefe about the delicate balance between following your passion and responsibilities of work/family. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

In the Jewish tradition there are two different words that describe fear. The first is called Pachad– “projected or imagined fear,” or the “fear whose objects are imagined.” The second is called Yirah– the fear that overcomes us when we suddenly find ourselves in possession of considerably more energy than we are used to. We discuss the video below from Tara Sophia Mohr describing the differences. We then discuss healthy ways to overcome fear: Analyze your fear Acknowledge it, name it, write it down. Keep a journal. Define it contours- where did it begin? What triggers it? how does it affect you? What power does it have? Sometimes it can be healthy, recognize when it’s not. Imagine the outcome you desire. Take control of your fear Baby steps Deliberately encounter it. you might realize it’s not as bad as you thought. Be prepared to deal with failure Ride the wave. If you’re doing something- keep the momentum going. Don’t give up. Don’t let others hold you back. Change the way you think about fear Make it a source of fascination. Learn from it. ask why it holds so much power See it as an opportunity. Who would you be if you didn’t have this fear? Give fear a place in your life Let yourself be afraid. It’s an emotion just like joy or sadness. Go easy on yourself Celebrate your victories We also discussed inherent differences between men and women as it has to do with the decision on whether or not to shine. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

Well, you’ve come to the right place. In our very first bi-monthly “Conversations with People we Love”, we talk with Heather Criswell, author of “How to Raise a Happy Child” . Crawl inside the mind of Heather, a noted “kid whisperer”, and see how she discovered (through 25 years and 30,000 children) what works with every child, in every situation, every time. Heather also shares some of her own struggles and she discusses how language can be particularly important when talking with your child, especially around issues such as body image. Heather is an inspiring person that you should know! We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

Science now tells us that if we react to our children’s “failures” with compassion instead of criticism, our kids will have a greater likelihood of succeeding. We discuss these ideas and the book Self Compassion by Kristin Neff. We also discuss the different ways men and women measure acts of love. The good news for the guys is that we use a point system, the bad news is we haven’t been keeping score the right way. We announce the beginning of our bi-monthly installment of ZPR called, “Conversations of People We Love”. Our first show will debut on Friday, October 18th – we will talk with Heather Criswell- author of the book “How To Raise a Happy Child” We also include a few entries into our tournament of bad. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

A listener emailed and said her husband becomes agitated when she discusses personal growth or suggests listening to our podcast. We discuss the importance of honoring where your partner is in this moment (maybe he doesn’t want to listen to the podcast), and still speaking up about your own needs (but he can appreciate that you enjoy it). Change can be scary, but it’s a necessary and normal part of everyday life. Self awareness is not always about being dissatisfied with yourself or others, it’s about recognizing potential and being cognizant of everyday choices. This allows us to live from a place of peace and contentment. Do you really know what Grand Theft Auto is really about? Are you aware that you get points for killing, selling drugs, and sleeping with prostitutes? We continue our conversation about the affect these games have on young minds. The insanity of it all is perfectly described in this Saturday Night Live segment. We announce the beginning of our bi-monthly installment of ZPR called, “Conversations of People We Love” Our first show will debut on Friday, October 18th with a conversation with Heather Criswell- author of the book “How To Raise a Happy Child” We also include a few entries into our tournament of bad. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

Do you have a spouse who travels? Are both the exit and reentry a challenge? Do you feel appreciated for what you do while your spouse is away, and does your spouse feel appreciated for the hard work involved in work travel? We discuss the importance of validation and communication when your partner travels, and why it’s important to say what you need. We also discuss the importance of prioritization and how we need to allow our partner to arrive at their own conclusions instead of forcing them to act. Todd recognized how his ego got in the way of a big decision, and he shares why and how he decided to shift. We also discuss the genius of Louis CK as he talks about his kids, technology, and the importance of sadness. The entire clip can be found here. We also give some practical advice on how to curb our addiction to our phone, technology, ipad, etc written byAdina Kalish Neufeld. The entire article can be read here. Interested in having Cathy/Todd speak at your school or scout meeting? Email us @ [email protected] Reverend Ed Bacon coming to speak @ Dominican University on THIS Thursday, October 3rd Todd is running a Men’s Adventure Retreat on March 7th thru 9th. Email [email protected] for more information Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!

We discuss the 5 different love languages based on a book by Gary Chapman. The discussion will help you decide your dominant love language and help you figure out the love language of your children (and spouse!). This can be the first step toward a deeper and more understanding relationship with your family. Todd also discusses a feel good story about a homeless man named Glen James and what he did to change his own luck. Interested in having Cathy/Todd speak at your school or scout meeting? Email us @ [email protected] Reverend Ed Bacon coming to speak @ Dominican University on Thursday, October 3rd Todd is running a Men’s Adventure Retreat on March 7th thru 9th. Email [email protected] for more information Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

We discuss “Rachel’s Challenge”, a presentation for schools that focuses on kindness and self-awareness. This program that has reached over 19,000,000 people. Each day 160,000 students do not go to school because they are bullied, teased and harassed. By turning the story of a tragic death at Columbine High School into a mission for change, Rachel’s Challenge is helping create safer learning environments and making a world-wide impact. Rachel’s Challenge is a series of student empowering programs and strategies that equip students and adults to combat bullying and allay feelings of isolation and despair by creating a culture of kindness and compassion. The programs are based on the writings and life of 17 year-old Rachel Scott who was the first student killed at Columbine High School in 1999. Rachel left a legacy of reaching out to those who were different, who were picked on by others, or who were new at her school. Within this discussion we discuss the 5 things we can do right now to become better parents: Look for the best in others Dream big Choose positive influences Speak with kindness Start your own chain reaction We also discuss Todd and Skylar’s battle over a banana, and we answer an email from a listener whose 5 year old is struggling with going in the classroom during church. Interested in having Cathy/Todd speak at your school or scout meeting? Email us @ [email protected] Reverend Ed Bacon coming to speak @ Dominican University on Thursday, October 3rd Todd is running a Men’s Adventure Retreat on March 7th thru 9th. Email [email protected] for more information Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

We discuss a blog titled The Conversation You Must Have With Your Sons by Carina Kolodny. One out of five college girls are sexually assaulted. As parents we do everything we can to help our daughters make smart decisions and stay out of difficult situations. Are we having conversations with our sons about making responsible decisions? Or does this kind of conversation feel unnecessary or uncomfortable? Cathy fires back at the people who say the lyrics to Robin Thickes’ “Blurred Lines” are not that bad. We also play a clip from Dylan Garrity talking proclaiming the similar message in his own words. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xHp5iTtWRc We address three different questions in the email bag concerning: Talking to other parent who speak a different language A 3-1/2 year old who does not listen A 3 year old son who “fake” cries Reverend Ed Bacon coming to speak @ Dominican University on Thursday, October 3rd Todd is running a Men’s Adventure Retreat on March 7th thru 9th. Email comments@zenparentingradio for more information Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

What does it mean to “succeed”? To us it means self awareness, connection to the whole, and sharing your gifts and talents. On this show we share a few ways to help your child find greater success. 1) (6:10) Send them to overnight camp. Benefits- Give your child a sense of independence that is hard to duplicate in their normal day to day lives. It’s a safe setting They can “shed” their old selves and be who they are There is less focus on appearance It’s a place where children can feel grounded They connect with nature Give them a different set of social circles to count on when one is not going well 2) (17:35) Let your child be sad even when it doesn’t make sense Todd tells a story of Camryn feeling homesick even though Cathy’s blog- The three myths about introverts 3) (23:20) “Influence” who your child is friends with Decide if a child/group either drain or fills your child up The delicate balance between prohibiting and discouraging certain friendships Understanding/connecting with other parents 4) Other Random Topics (33:09) Friday the 13th discussion (37:28) Resource of the week www.Kids-in-mind.com Evaluator of movies for kids (39:35) Tournament of Bad Reverend Ed Bacon coming to speak @ Dominican University on Thursday, October 3rd Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

We discuss an article in Psychology Today titled What Happy People Do Differently The Real Rewards of Risk- When anxiety is an optional state A Blind Eye to Life’s Vicissitudes- The benefit of seeing the forest but not the trees The Unjealous Friend- We’re buoyed by others’ good fortune A Time For Everything- The upside of negative emotions The Well-Being Balancing Act- Pleasure and purpose work together Reverend Ed Bacon coming to speak @ Dominican University on Thursday, October 3rd Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

8 things to help deal with back to school anxiety Why Ashton Kutcher’s stock skyrocketed for Todd One man’s message to his daughter- “I hope you have great sex” 4:27 Anxiety is normal. Sometimes parents tell their kids not to feel anxious. Listen Ask questions Be engaged Own your role in the situation Know you’re not alone It gets easier Advocate for your child in dealing with “inschool” sadness Ask for support for teacher 12:16 Chidren’s disappointment with classroom assignments. Todd balances understanding their disappointment with the privileges that our daughters enjoy. Girl Rising Documentary http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJsvklXhYaE 17:58 Ashton Kutcher gives an amazing speech @ the Teen Choice Awards Opportunity looks a lot like hard work Being Sexy Build a life, don’t live one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNXwKGZHmDc 26:00 Different definitions of smart Einstein quote- Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it’ll spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.” 34:02 Oops I made a mistake, that’s all. (Cathy cries) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB3fi7opDBc 36:29 Dear Daughter: I hope you have awesome sex by Ferrett Steinmetz We discuss this blog and the differing opinions on it 44:28 Isn’t it Ironic? by Alanis Morisette Should it be called something different http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jne9t8sHpUc 46:30 Tournament of Bad Louisiana ladder- somebody actually won it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwlQ6bzCPL0   A Night Out for Moms-to-be! August 22nd 6:30-9:00 Reverend Ed Bacon coming to speak @ Dominican University on Thursday, October 3rd Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

What can Taylor Swift teach our daughters? 3 more things every parent should know Hunger Games Camp- Good idea or bad idea? Time Stamp 1:39 Taylor Swift Concert Review 5:14 Men/Boy perspective on music 10:05 Habit #9 The secret to parenting is knowing when to let go 14:30 Habit #10 Trust yourself, you’re the expert on your child 16:20 When people dump their fear upon you 17:35 Stories Todd hears about what will happen when his daughters become teenagers 20:20 When kids begin separating from you 23:48 Todd’s secret to being more present with his kids 25:30 A Beginners Mind- looking at the world through the eyes of a child 27:45 Habit #11 Taking the long view (Don’t sweat the small stuff) 32:13 Hunger Games Camp- Good or Bad? 36:50 Debate on competition 43:02 Tournament of Bad Links relating to today’s show- 11 Things I wish every parent knew by Stephen Cowan Blog of hunger games as well as video http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/real-life-hunger-games-themed-camp-exists-florida-154400216.html A Night Out for Moms-to-be! August 22nd 6:30-9:00 http://www.chirotree.com/moms-to-be-night-out/ Reverend Ed Bacon coming to speak @ Dominican University on Thursday, October 3rd Men’s Group invitation- email Todd @ [email protected] Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email.   We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

We discuss how feeling “bad”, whether it’s emotional or physical, is actually not so bad. Should grief be a diagnosable disorder or is it normal human emotion? Movie quotes from Airplane, Talladega Nights, and Billy Madison Talking about patience as a virtue and Todd Todd sings “Patience” (G n Roses a cappella) Time Stamp .30 Looking at your kids illness differently 1:58 11 Things I wish every parent knew by Stephen Cowan 2:24 A symptom is the body’s way of letting us know something has to change 9:30 The craziness of the temperature fluctuations of a pregnant woman 12:45 The gift of pain 15:30 Grief is a diagnosable disorder? 18:00 Free Parenting presentation on Monday, August 12th 21:10 Be Prepared and put your children in a position to succeed 24:15 Our daughters like to impersonate Cathy- our kids are absorbing everything (positive and negative) that’s going on around them 26:26 Anger is a second tier emotion 28:36 Gary Zukav interpretation on anger 31:53 Be prepared and be patient with your illness 33:20 Differences ways we can view physical and mental illness (NAMI) 39:20 Tournament of Bad 42:45 Bis Markie a capella via Todd Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. Upcoming FREE class at The Dailey Method, Elmhurst – Getting Ready for Junior High (for parents with kids 9 or older) We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!  

Brene Brown’s definition of Critical Awareness and dealing with our constant need to be productive. Time Stamp 2:20 Critical awareness 4:08 Body Image 10:03 Todd’s no shower story 15:15 Categorize and differentiating children’s fears 19:10 Addicted to productivity 28:38 Debate on different definitions of meditation 33:03 #4 & #5- from Things I wish every parent knew 39:30 Kids are your your spiritual teachers 45:04 Tournament of Bad Give us a review on iTunes and receive both of Cathy’s books for 1/2 off by sending us an email. Upcoming FREE class at The Dailey Method, Elmhurst – Getting Ready for Junior High (for parents with kids 9 or older) We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected]   You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting   You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/   Thank you for listening!!!

Topics: We discuss the problems with society’s version of masculinity vs. the hopes we have for our sons. We also discuss a few of the 11 things one doctor wished every parent knew. The Mask You Live In Trailer 11 Things I wish Every Parent Knew Time Stamp: 1:05 Redefining Masculinity 2:38 Be U- Helping Children Become Emotionally Intelligent Leaders 5:15 Clip #1 from The Mask You Live In- society’s stereo-types of what it means to “be a man” 9:26 Clip #2 from The Mask You Live In- Statement from man who is in touch with his emotions 17:40 Ted talk clip 19:30 Clip #3 from The Mask You Live In- The word “Love” is not used in the household 24:26 11 Things I wish Every Parent Knew by Dr. Stephen Cowan 27:15 Growth and development are not a race. 30:28 Creating family traditions encourages strong roots and a healthy life. 35:00 We grow in cycles 38:12 The Cabin in the Woods Review 43:52 Link to get books for ½ off 45:08 Recap on “Be U” 45:47 Tournament of Bad Links Miss Representation Documentary Trailer The Cabin in the Woods Trailer Kevin Breel Ted Talk: Confessions of a Depressed Comic We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

Topics: The Science of happiness, fathers who expect more from their sons, and using medical marijuana for sick kids We discuss two videos regarding the science of happiness: 4:24 The Science of Happiness 7:41 Showing gratitude is one of the keys to happiness (Soul Pancake Video) 8:45 Different ways to show gratitude without the guilt 9:30 Bon Jovi Concert Review 11:27 Tom Shadyac– Figure out what you do best and make that your way of giving back 13:38- We address the critics who say it’s not worth anything unless we “struggle” 16:30- Understanding yourself to make yourself a better person 18:16 Ted Talks – The science of happiness discussion 21:27 Cathy’s blog- Happiness vs Joy 26:41 Notes from the Universe Resource 29:11 Fathers who expect more from their son and treat their daughter as a princess 37:50 “Glee” Star dies 40:20 Parents using medical marijuana for their sick kids We would love to hear any comments from the show by sending us an email @ [email protected] You can be sure to hear more by liking our facebook page @ https://www.facebook.com/ZenParenting You can subscribe to Cathy’s blog by going to http://www.chicagonow.com/self-aware-parent/ Thank you for listening!!!

Turning your children’s failures into positive experience, When children blur the lines between fact and opinion and how we can help them. If you want to make your life less chaotic, then you need to make a shift in your perceptions. We discuss what imaginal cells are in a butterfly and how we can learn from them. Both how it affects our own life as well as how we’re connected to one another. We get some help from the way one of our favorite authors Bruce Lipton. Go visit your parents or go to jail. That’s what they’re doing in China. More can be read about it here. We discuss whether or not this has a place in our culture. Time stamp 3:03 The swimming pool with the kids- Whose job is it? Mom or Dad? 4:15 Recollection of some of the finest moments of National Lampoon Vacation 13:40 Turning your children’s failures into positive experience 16:40 Understanding the negativity of the daily news and how it can propel us to the change the world 21:53 When children blur the lines between fact and opinion and how we can help them 24:38 The dangers of when our children start to question their own belief systems 26:45 Sheryl Sandberg- the wisdom of teaching our girls to be great leader 28:35 “Be U” Class information created by Todd/Cathy 29:20 Discussion of a new law in China prosecuting children for not checking in on their parents. See more here 34:00 ZPR has formed an alliance with Vitamix. If you’re interested in free shipping, please enter our coupon code 06-007296 36:35 Utilize the “search” function on our podcast to focus in on what the topics you’re interested in 37:05 Tournament of bad- voices that drive us nuts and people saying their busy 39:23 Cathy’s Chicago Parent column about boredom being a good thing Clips related to this episode: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AntZlE3cxiY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKsz0nBVvFI  

The word you need to incorporate into your parenting- “WAIT”. On todays show we discuss the following blog which can be found here. An excerpt from this blog… Parents need to slow down, stop comparing, and wait. This word, “wait,” is used too rarely in today’s frenetic lifestyle. Magda Gerber, a renowned child therapist and infant specialist, considered waiting to be a fundamental part of her child care philosophy. Parents don’t wait for their babies and children often enough, since we’re always in a mad rush for them to achieve, perform, and do us proud. By waiting for children to accomplish things in their own time, we acknowledge that each child has their own “unique developmental timetable.” Janet Lansbury explains the different ways in which parents should wait for their children. Here are some of her tips: Wait for development. “Readiness is when they do it,” Wait before interrupting. Allow your child to become an independent self-learner. Wait for problem solving. Children are capable of doing many things on their own. Wait for discovery. “When you teach a child something, you take away forever his chance of discovering it for himself.” (Jean Paiget) Wait for feelings to be expressed. Allow the child to process them before we react to our own emotions. We also talk about how we dealt when one of our children had their first experience with failure by not making the traveling soccer team. Girl Rising is a documentary about girls in other countries that fight for the rights that we take for granted in this country. It will be showed @ Old Orchard on Monday, July 22nd at 5pm. A preview can be found here If you’re interested in having a screening close to you, Text “Rise” 55155 to get more information to bring to your local theater. We give our review on two different movies “Monsters University” and “This is the End” 1st 10 people to write a review for us on iTunes gets both of Cathy’s books @ ½ price. Email us @ [email protected]

We discuss the story about a mom “spy” who told her 12 year old daughter she could spend time with her her friends, but also said she had to stay within a designated area. If she left the area, she was supposed to call her mom and let her know. The mom dropped off her daughter and then pulled the car around the block and parked out of sight so she “spy” or still see her daughter. The group of kids eventually left the designated area and the girl did not call her mom. Mom called the girl’s cell phone and said, “Where are you going? You were supposed to call me if you left the spot.” The child responded, “Where are you?” The mom said, “Never mind where I am, just let me know where you are going.” Was this mom right, wrong, or somewhere in between? We also discuss a 90 second video which can be seen here – it exemplifies what we miss when we’re addicted to technology. We continue to discuss our “Be U” program for 5th grade boys and girls. Finally, we discuss why Joe Torre receives “Father of the Week” honors as well as two topics in the Tournament of Bad- Fruit flies and Cathy writing checks to herself.

Cathy and I talk about sibling bullying. Is it accepted more because it’s part of living with brothers and sisters? Or maybe because bullying was part of our household growing up? We discuss a USA Today Article entitled “Bullying By Siblings Just As Damaging” Keep in mind it’s not just physical, it’s psychological as well. We give our two cents as well as some tools how to recognize if bullying is a problem and what to do about it. We also discuss an article titled “Coaches Pushing the Envelope with Offers to 8th Graders” Coaches of high profile programs offering scholarships to students as early as 7th grade. Is this a good thing? Or a bad thing? I explain why Phil Mickelson did something as father last week that I’m not sure that I could have the discipline to do. Read the story here. Are you or do you know a divorced parent? We give our second tip in our series where we give an idea to parents who are divorced to lead a healthy and happy life as a divorced parent. We have a follow up discussion to a podcast we did in March of last year entitled “Are You in The Middle Place” We have parents who are aging and have your kids who need all of our time and attention and we’re stuck in the middle. We give a new perspective on how best to cope with being pulled in opposite directions (parents/children, happy/sad) Lastly we continue our conversation regarding why we are struggling getting boys to register for our “Emotional Intelligence” Class this fall. PS The Tournament of Bad- Hair of the Dog and why drinking beer is socially acceptable @ 7:30AM

This week Cathy and Todd focus on two things: Emotional Intelligence and Summertime Blues. What is the importance of raising emotionally intelligent boys? They are offering a class for 5th grades (10 boys/10 girls) and the girls filled up almost immediately. The boys have been more of a challenge to recruit. They discuss why, and they specifically cite Cathy’s latest blog about why we need to let our sons feel. They talk about their 5 year old who decided she didn’t want to play in her soccer game over the weekend. There are many different ways this could be handled, and Cathy and Todd definitely have different perspectives. How would you handle it? It’s time for the kids to go to camp, but they don’t want to go. Could it be Summertime Blues? Todd and Cathy discuss how to empower the kids so they want to go rather than making them feel shame and guilt. They also discuss why parents who are divorcing or separated should never speak negatively about each other. This is an important way to protect your child from unnecessary pain. Finally, Todd is all bent out of shape when Jacey wants to wear glasses as an accessory (she doesn’t need them), but Cathy doesn’t care. Why does this bother Todd? Would it bother you? In the Tournament of Bad Todd takes issue with seagulls in the Walmart Parking Lot, the dreariness of the post office, and littering.

Cathy and Todd introduce you to their new program titled Be U: Helping 5th graders become emotionally intelligent leaders. Kids are always being told to focus on their IQ, but what about their Emotional Intelligence? Do they know their value and importance? Do they know how to work with others? Do they know how to manage their emotions? This 6 session program (offered in Elmhurst, IL) targets 5th graders to help them feel grounded in who they are before they head off to middle school. If you live in the are and you are interested in learning more about your child’s emotional intelligence, email [email protected]. Also, do you ever find yourself saying, “They say this is the best one.” or, “They say you shouldn’t do that.” Who is “they” anyway? Is it one article, a team of experts, or an opinionated neighbor? Do we just do what others tell us to do or do we use common sense and tap into what feels right? Cathy and Todd discuss the “they” phenomenon, and why people give their power away and/or forget to trust themselves. Plus they discuss Bruce Lipton’s Biology of Belief, why Chicago fans are the greatest, and why Cathy gets frustrated when Todd says he is “in charge” of the girls, but then heads outside to mow the lawn.

My guess is that your answer is, “I hope so” or “Of course I am”. Sometimes what we wish for our kids is different than how we treat our kids. An example of this trust issue happened to me at Great America when I waited in line with my daughter to get on a roller coaster only to find out when it was our turn to board that she was too afraid to get on. There are two extremes of handling this situation- either force your child through guilt, shame, or fear to get on, or you can say nothing at all and exit the line. On this podcast I share if what I did helped her learn to trust herself and the long term ramifications of either extreme. We explain the dangers of “labeling” your children as “good/bad” or “easy/challenging” and how that can affect who they are as they grow up. Plus, one of our listeners wants some advice regarding teenagers. While we don’t have any of our own (yet), Cathy explains the similarities between a three year old and a thirteen year old and the idea of universal principles. Lastly, I call myself out for not honoring Memorial Day and the inconsistencies between my thoughts and my actions. Todd

Is it naïve to be positive, or is it naïve to be negative? This is the question surrounding the short video entitled “This is Water”, an audio from author David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech. It’s backed up by meaningful and thought provoking video, reminding us to consider that if we view the world differently, we can change our own reality. Cathy and Todd discuss the common “monotony” of an adult day, and how we can make choices to live a more beautiful life, and recognize that we are indeed smack dab in the middle of the “good old days” Have your kids watched Star Wars yet? Cathy and Todd discuss the appropriate age to watch this classic movie, and why you should talk to your kids about the plot and characters beforehand. They also discuss their 5 year old’s recent restaurant meltdown, one of their favorite movie clips about “choice”, and why they love Andy Bernard from The Office.  

Sticks & Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me – is it true? We think yes, and we think no. Our friend’s daughter came home saddened by a classmate who said something mean – mom replied with, “words schmerds, don’t worry about it.” And her daughter said, “But those words hurt me.” We talk about the paradox of the importance and unimportance of words – they are powerful IF you give them significance. You may feel the initial pain of words, but do you integrate it as truth or do you let it go? We also discuss the “syrup incident”- One of our daughters decided to make Cathy feel guilty about not buying syrup for the waffles. Not the best way to start the day. Did she accept the guilt? Listen to hear the story. Then we talk about the “worry box” and how it might benefit you and the rest of your family. Did you love 80’s tv shows? Cathy and Todd share one of their favorite 80’s sitcom themes.

In a blog by Jill Kirby titled “If This Is Average, Then I’ll Take It” We discuss that in a “bell shaped” curve, most kids are academically average, yet very few parents are willing to accept this. We continue discussing how a kid might be average in the classroom, yet have other special gifts. Could they be good enough? And is good enough something you can handle? It is our job as parents to nurture and help our children discover their own special talents and gifts. We also discuss the continuous requests from certain listeners for Cathy to “lose her S%&*” and just be mad, mean, and negative. Cathy tactfully defends her position on her view of the world. Cathy and I both explain our approach to our podcast and why having “rose colored” glasses on most of the time might not be such a bad way to spend the day. We also aim to bring ourselves as well as our listeners to be “in the know” regarding technology. Did you know that most kids consider Facebook and email a communication vehicle of the past. When did I become so old? We end the show with our bad 80’s songs as well as an entry into the tournament of bad.  

Jason Collins comes out as the first openly gay current NBA star. We discuss why this will help our culture to continue to evolve to be one of inclusiveness instead of one of exclusion. We also talk how this will positively affect all young boys and girls who are gay now might be able to look at this situation and imagine possibilities of their own life that were otherwise more difficult to see. We discuss Senator Rob Portman from Ohio changing his position on gay marriage after his son came out. Cathy tells a story of some reformed skinheads that she saw on a follow up show of The Oprah Winfrey Show I bring some information of why it might not matter where your kids go to college. As parents, we labor over our kids studies on a daily basis. I relay an interview I heard on NPR’s Planet Money where they interview Charles Wheelan author of Naked Statistics. In it the author discusses why where you go to college may have less importance than originally thought. This created a platform for Cathy and I to discuss other things we can focus on in addition to academics as well as what the definition of success might actually be. Lastly- I tell a story over the weekend of how my two older daughters disappointed me and how I may have had as much responsibility as they did. We also give our entries into the new segment- Bad 80’s songs as well as the Tournament of Bad Todd

The Butterfly Effect, you have heard of it right? What you do has ripples and effects others around the world. In the wake of the Boston Bombings, and all of the activities that have taken place since, it appears that there is no better display of the Butterfly Effect to be seen right now. Cathy and Todd talk about how teaching your children about this idea can lead them down the road to success and goodness. The foundational components of goodness in children can be visualized through their emotional intelligence, self-awareness, compassion, appreciation of nature. That teaching begins at home. Also on the show, have your children made you forget who you used to be? This week Todd took his sister out to dinner for the first time in a good long while and it made him realize that his kids have unknowingly changed the relationship that he has with his birth family. Have other parents out there had the same awareness? What are some things that can be done to avoid the loss of relationship that you had before your children decided to show up? They also give their two cents on the aftermath of the bombings in Boston and the non-stop news coverage that always accompanies these tragic events. Are you somebody that is glued to the TV during these heartfelt times? If so- do you have an awareness of how this may affect your children? Cathy gives her perspective on how she talked to her 5, 8 and 10 year old. Cathy is offering a virtual retreat focusing on The Beauty of NOW beginning April 29th. Click here for more info. Finally, they discuss bad 80’s songs that we all listened to and we ask ourselves- why?

Cathy and Todd follow up on last week’s ADHD discussion because they received some not-so-happy feedback from some listeners. They address the fact that often times when a child is medicated, it can be a very difficult and well thought out decision, it’s not always thought of as a quick fix. But in too many cases, it’s the first choice, and that’s where a new perspective or different options may make a difference. They also take issue with a Colorado school that implemented a no running/yelling rule during recess on the play ground. How is this possible? Isn’t the whole point of recess to run, yell, and play? No wonder children have issues with managing their own behavior in the classroom – they aren’t allowed to get their energy out during recess! Todd pats himself on the back when he gives to a honorable charity, but it hasn’t always been an easy decision, he’s been conned into giving to false charities in the past. But it’s not worth it to be cynical, we need to keep an open heart and mind. Cathy and Todd announce the winners of the Tournament of Bad March Madness contest, and then finish by addressing one of their listeners questions about a sweet, but sometimes aggressive 7 year old. Sometimes he’s just too rough, and mom doesn’t know how to handle it.

Are there “alternative” ways to deal with ADHD other than popping a pill? Cathy and Todd discuss the significant number of children that are diagnosed with ADHD (6.4 million children) and why 2/3 of them are given a prescription. Todd recalls a recent experience where he witnessed a 40+ year old bully a 10 year old boy – he wishes he could have the moment back and do it differently. Todd and Cathy face-off on the best way to “teach” their 10 year old daughter the social norm of introducing herself to others. Cathy is offering “The Beauty of Now” virtual retreat” just in time for Mother’s Day – give this gift to yourself. Starts on April 29th. Click the link to find out more.

Cathy and Todd talk about sibling rivalry, how it’s good “life practice”, and the differences between what’s normal and when it’s a good idea to interfere. They also talk about family meetings and how to get everybody on the same page (before the kids tune you out). Todd talks about Lisa Reagan‘s article titled “Why and How Do We Shift” (in Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine) where she shares four different ways to open up to personal transformation.

You are not alone if you have shamed your kid this week. Why hide all of the truth? Let’s get it out in the open and talked freely about being shamed, because their is a good chance it happened to you. This week Cathy and Todd continue to talk about Brene Brown’s shame and vulnerability research. They discuss 6 ways to NOT respond when someone shares something deep or shameful, why some friends are easier to share with, and why sharing your shame with someone you trust is the first step toward inner peace. Plus if that isn’t enough, they also share their own experiences with being shamed and sharing. Just because they host an amazing parenting show doesn’t mean they haven’t shared in your experiences. Plus, wait for it…Todd talks about credit card roulette and happy-honking drivers.

Are you worrying yourself sick? Is that even possible? Cathy (with the support of Brene Brown) helps Todd through his continuous struggle over money, worry, & fear. He’s frustrated with the amount of worry he’s carrying because it brings down his mood. He’s worrying about worrying and feeling bad about feeling bad. In order for us to be good parents, we must figure out a way to be a good example of how to allow emotion- both positive and negative – to pass through us without judgment. Some of the ideas that might help- expressing gratitude, staying in the moment, among many others. The tournament of bad: This week they discuss the differences of bedtime rituals. The differences are glaring. Does everybody have these differences?

Has Todd hit his boiling point when it comes to how much screen time his daughters have? The iPad is taking over and he can’t control it! Can Cathy help Todd come to love the iPad for what it can be? Who else spent all their hard earned cash as kids playing video games when they were young? Times have changed. Now there is no reason to go to the Arcade, because you can save that cash playing on your iPad. Speaking of Todd’s childhood, he is not sure how to deal with his kids “accidentally” hitting cars with snowballs. One way would be to move to Florida. Another way is by listening to Cathy because she once again proves who the smart one is. Though not always, because when it comes to movies, she’s no Roger Ebert. They both watched “Roadhouse” again (not on their iPad) and came to a realization that they had to share.

While Todd didn’t see the stress of standardized tests in the latest episode of HBO’s “Girls”, it did stress him out because he is worried about his own children. Will his own three daughters stay healthy if this is the way things are when they’re in their 20’s. Maybe Todd shouldn’t watch so much HBO. As for the standardized testing issue, every state and most parents have to deal with it and the stress it creates. Todd and Cathy provide some tips on how to set your child’s mind at ease. And finally, have you ever been concerned about your child’s sleeping habits? Are they getting restful sleep? We have some resources for you to check out.

We discuss two related topics: Know anyone who lives life through their children? Can you be too close to your children? Do you know parents that have a case of the “We’s” – Do you find parents who say things like “We are trying to make the soccer team” or “We decided to do ballet this summer.” This can sometimes be a sign that parents might be a little too close to their children. We also discuss a related term called “Empathetic Distress” based on an article that appeared in “Spirituality & Health- Is It Possible To Be Empathetic To A Fault?” Can there be a dark side to compassion? We discuss how you might be getting the exact opposite result of your intention.

Cathy and Todd discuss “disengagement” and how it can erode the trust in a relationship – your partner may not be cheating or abusive, but if they emotionally disengage, it can be very painful. They also discuss how we disengage from our children and how it makes them feel unsafe. We often talk about Domestic Violence against women, but what about when a man is abused by a woman? How does this type of domestic violence effect our children and the foundation of their future relationships?

Have you ever heard of the term “childism”? Neither had Cathy or Todd, until they heard about a book by Elizabeth Young Bruehl called “Childism: Confronting Prejudice Against Children” They discuss the increasing trend of parents using social media to humiliate their children to demonstrate authority. Todd really struggles with parents who punish and exert unfair tactics against their children. In this episode, learn how to discipline kids without humiliation so that the discipline works and the action helps you build a stronger relationship with your child.

Cathy and Todd talk REAL love vs SPIDER love (taken from Martha Beck’s book, Steering by Starlight) – do you love authentically or do you “make” people love you by controlling their behavior OR altering your behavior so you don’t “bother” them? REAL love is about sharing your true self and setting the ones you love free so they can be their true selves. They also discuss if it’s wise to talk to our kids like “little adults” – should we explain, or do we just set a limit (or do we do both)?

How exactly are we teaching our sons “to be a man”? Have you ever used the phrase- “You throw like a girl.” Most have and we explain why it’s the little things that add up to make your son less of a man and create your sons’ overall perception of women. 1 in 5 women in America will report that they were sexually assaulted. We discuss Colin Stokes Ted Talk regarding the movies we watch and how it influences our children. We also follow up on last week’s podcast of the discussion surrounding the flu. Lastly- most kids are “squeaky wheels”, but some seem not to ask for attention as much as others. Cathy tells her story of how one of her kids fits this profile and what she can do about it. Cathy also offers her second in a series of “virtual retreats”. This one is titled, “Peace in the home” In it she’ll give tools to ensure a calmer and more easy-going environment for you and your kids.

Dr. Kelly from Tree of Life Chiropractic joins Todd and Cathy for a discussion about the flu and the flu shot. There’s a lot of panic right now, but there are many effective ways to take care of you and your family. Dr. Kelly shares information and resources that may ease your mind. And Cathy and Todd discuss the Lance Armstrong interview – are we practicing forgiveness or do we feel the need to punish?

Cathy and Todd discuss the importance of listening, inside and out. How yoga/quiet time can help our kids, and how listening to what our kids have to say (instead of being punishing and punitive) can help us be better parents. They specifically discuss a San Diego school that has incorporated yoga into their curriculum – certain parents aren’t happy about it, what do you think? They also discuss the “police stories” of their childhood, and a little bit of Golden Globe talk, of course.

Why was the Violence Against Women Act, initially passed in 1994, allowed to expire? Todd and Cathy discuss this, women’s safety, and how India is peacefully protesting violence against women. They also discuss the key to keeping a relationship alive and healthy, and they reference the movie Hope Springs.

Are you ready to shine this year? Are you ready to help your kids shine this year? Todd and Cathy discuss three simple ways to make this a possibility. They also discuss an article in The New York Times by David Brooks about a dad who tells his kids he’s ashamed and disappointed in them so they change – does he think shame and guilt will work and does he understand his role in their challenges? Cathy and Todd discuss this and how to support your children when you aren’t happy with their decisions. Listen to Cathy this Saturday on WGN Radio at 10:15 a.m. as she discusses 3 ways to help your kids shine.

Cathy and Todd discuss this quote they found on Dr. Christiane Northrup’s Facebook page. Sounds harsh, but is it true? Does your family tend to tip-toe around one person during the holidays? Does one person’s difficulties become everybody’s difficulties? They discuss setting appropriate boundaries with a bah humbug relative so you can hold on to your Christmas Spirit. They also discuss personal responsibility and how your attitude is always your decision. How do you view the world? Do you notice what is missing or do you notice what is working?  

Cathy and Todd discuss the importance of personal responsibility in the wake of a tragedy. You can do something, you can make a change. Focus on what you are doing, giving, saying on an everyday basis – what kind of ripples are you putting out into the world? Are you focused on love or anger? Giving or taking? Being “right” or making a connection? They also discuss the importance of grieving, stigmas around mental illness, gun control, and the importance of celebrating life.

How do we teach our sons to respect women? It starts with women loving themselves. Todd and Cathy discuss Jada Pinkett Smith’s Facebook post and how degrading women hurts men just as much. They also discuss Cathy’s latest blog about self love, how to talk to our kids about death, and how much they love the original Karate Kid.