The Unwritable Rant

Juliette considers the size of her liver, meets a work of art, holds a bear hostage, makes out in a state of grace, waits out a relationship, chooses her own call girl adventure, sits in her own nightmare, and considers a savior. Be sure to check out Juliette's new cooking podcast, That One Thing. Every episode she features one ingredient and recipe to elevate your everyday cooking. That One Thing podcast https://sites.libsyn.com/445113

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette debates voodoo, takes a shine to slots, leaves a trail of bloody footprints, loathes a pedestrian mall, contemplates bribery, refuses to reschedule, battles swampy muck and metal barricades, discovers pothole hell, finds pink-tinted salvation, and appreciates things that are not easy.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette spins a moral judgement, feels the icy side eye of Hemingway, calls out inappropriate coffee and Kafka, stops flushing drugs, appreciates the annoyed side of Honey, hightails it to a crematorium, and walks away a monster.

In this bourbon-soaked story, Juliette comforts Honey, her New Orleans Crazytown counterpart, enjoys a Louisiana lunch, crosses a courtyard, discovers a belfry, risks a felony, underestimates the importance of satsumas, flees a wonderland caterpillar, and slightly revises her suspect life advice.

Juliette returns with a new season announcement, considers the world's weirdest speedball, and revisits her favorite Christmas story, because nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a lap dance. All new bourbon-soaked stories will resume in January 2022

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette refuses to trust a Mississippi disaster, dodges a blade, takes to the road with the Alley Cats, rides in full of glory, makes desperate calls, raises awareness, gets funky and foul, visits a town where nobody wins, rages over a word, chooses between two rock and roll relationships, and find her way out of logger land.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette encounters a dirty thug in a pink shell, questions a midsummer argument, runs hot with Daisy, visits dead land, hunts down boys and ghosts, flees a troop of handsy locals, meets a disturbing figure, desperately needs a key, and decides to look back.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette meets spirit animal Edmund, questions wonky streets, is unwelcome at a crawfish boil, dodges carcasses, appreciates a scoundrel, follows the road to hell, discovers a strange hotel, learns how to finesse a lock, volunteers a piano man, and takes her sweet time leaving.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette picks up where a Crazytown night left off, admits to being a terrible stripper, establishes rabbit hole rules, descends into friendship hell, checks faux hooker backgrounds, attempts to help, goes in for a rage-fueled rescue, bounces but does not splash, gets assaulted by her conscience, and accepts destruction. Be sure to check out episode 100 in The Unwritable Rant archives to hear how this Crazytown story began.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette introduces the worst musician in Los Angeles, reluctantly takes the bait, adds a phrase to her vocab sheet, offers boundless support, revises a bio, reduces to a pile of self pity, attempts a chemistry project, discovers the color of a festering lesion, owes unexpected money, and crushes dreams.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette does a safety dance, reunites with Texas and Birdie, prowls the night, plays the horses, hears scales, profits off a bachelorette party, leads a Bacchanalian rodeo, loses friends to Bourbon Street, finds a Quarter bulldog, breaks up a dirty group hug, and questions expectations.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette survives Mardi Gras, ruins nice things, gets in and gets out, clashes with Myles, detests gold stars, falls below the line, team builds out of spite, wins an award for nothing, plans a diabolical game, steps out with lady Bingo balls, dishes zingers, and realizes a real villain.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette breaks a bed, encounters relationship rage, eats all the cheese, has no compatibility with Bugsy, makes concessions, accepts poor advice, gets barnacle itchy, reluctantly goes camping, receives training wheels, hears rustling aliens, tears off, rejects a ring, and meets a better fit.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette pays off an old debt, takes on a new form of torture, records in East LA, considers a brick wall, kills the teddy bears, cleans up Van Nuys Blvd., puts a gig on the books, improves timing, checks an ego, wrenches all wrong, and understands the price of music.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette does something cliche, considers the good kind of cheating, calls in a favor from Dusty, finds a leg, dismisses the girlfriends, has immediate access, moves in on more, hear from an impressive Star, white knuckles her way onto the sidelines, watches a window like a psycho, and understands the right kind of woman.

Juliette is slow to start the new year, fakes her way through football, meets a Rank chef, embellishes her culinary credentials, feels things, finds an overreaching gig, lies for payoff, confronts potatoes, hits a brick wall future, takes a chestful of blame, and accepts stupidity tax.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette considers trading snow for sand fleas, launches a foul drunk with Jackass, becomes suspicious, practices classics, visits John Hughes territory, goes caroling with allegedly merry folks, witnesses a ski mask Santa, becomes a literal Grinch, politely waves, smiles at a Technicolor trail, reconvenes at White Castle, and experiences spirit over sliders. Don't forget: The Unwritable Rant podcast will be on a two-week holiday break. New episodes begin on January 10, 2021.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette demonstrates little common sense, maneuvers past vagrants, drives out of bounds, accepts a chilly errand, picks up a great slab of art, questions panty hose, avoids escalators, votes early and often, lies for a date, takes out minty chocolates, and learns nothing.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette revisits the creatures of Christmas past, looks into her family tree, hears an unexpected thwacking, meets the mother of all Southside bats, appreciates Clydesdales, handles a mean little jerk, reaches a relationship crossroad, delves into secrets and poo pellets, and writes an apology.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette gets selfish, attempts respectability, lacks a physical demonstration, hates waiting, goes home for Thanksgiving with Treble Clef, meets an ice queen, debates mommy issues, has a dreadful spill, misses every note, meets the right family, and appreciates the power of yellow sticky notes.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette desperately needs a line, takes a one-off production gig, locks roadies out, misses a gear shift, drives a Jesus van, demands to see Barbarella, cleans up after Gigglesnort the Pomeranian, spends 10 minutes with Kiss, and accepts that she makes a lousy coworker.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked story telling, Juliette sits on the outskirts, experiences a Rocky relationship, rallies over rejection, accepts a crushed smoke, attends the theater, longs to peel skin, makes an inappropriate call to action, gives a remiss kiss, and appreciates a new friend.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked scary storytelling, Juliette welcomes Halloween, discusses her evil to good ratio, dates a Satanist, heads to a cabin in the woods, rearranges an alter, experiences unwilling hypnosis, becomes an unwitting Earth mother, is outnumbered by a coven, mousetraps a circle, summons a demon, experiences pounding, and hopes for distance.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette listens with too much enthusiasm, lacks $300 worth of information, consults her mental map, considers murder plans, doubles her foursome, walks to the LaLaurie Mansion, encounters a ghost tour, tells the less grim version, doubts crab monsters, confronts an oyster knife, dodges a brick, and learns who gets the last word.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked scary storytelling, Juliette plays the part of the Cryptkeeper, contemplates dread, decides on a piercing, meets Clarissa, finds blood on white vinyl, receives a dermal punch, flees the scene, wears a slutty costume, goes trick or treating with Crazytown, encounters the old house, gets trailed by clowns, debates candy pelting, and comes to a blazing conclusion.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette gets into Halloween prep, prefers scary to merry, builds a haunted house, misunderstands evil chickens, channels a drug store devil, annoys a flock of nuns, receives parental involvement, is threatened with a party, witnesses three courses of fear, and appreciates the harvesters of decay.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette learns that nothing is easy, receives an unwelcome email, remembers the so-called human Macy, earns a groupie golden ticket, enjoys a limited friendship, calls a teen party line, begins to miss certain things, experiences her first bathroom confrontation, suffers consequences, has lunch with a bully, and experiences a difficult reckoning. Remember, October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Visit www.stompoutbullying.org for resources, education, and more in helping to prevent bullying and cyber bullying.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette discusses hurricane preparation, plans a Rock 'N Rollin Eve with Crazytown, negotiates like a rodeo clown, books a fantasy, deals with soap scum, melts down, eyes a thong leotard, forgets an exit strategy, meets Lady MacDeath and the Barbie Beaters, accepts the inevitable, and declines the leftovers.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette sends soap flying, enters an arrangement of convenience, appreciates a stronger cadence, considers homecoming, dates an older guy, rejects a steady stream, wears a flower bomb, reconsiders misgivings, enjoys three dances, attempts to break grip, endures stares, and walks away with the best alternative. This episode is sponsored by Sacred Hollow, a modern witch box service. Visit SacredHollowBox.com for more information

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette is too much to invite back, debates the conditions of friendship, meets The Oscars, breaks out her deranged microscope, refuses to connect imaginary dots, attends a murder-free block party, makes a gross mistake, sets a garage on fire, and accepts a blip on her social scorecard. This episode of sponsored by Sacred Hollow, a modern witch box service. Visit www.SacredHollowBox.com for more information.

On this interview episode, Juliette and her guy talk to Fee Waybill, frontman for the band The Tubes. Fee discusses his new rock album "Fee Waybill Rides Again" as well as The Tubes history, relationship with producer David Foster, experiences working on Xanadu and with choreographer Kenny Ortega, and friendship with Richard Marx. This interview originally ran on the Virtual Happy Hour YouTube show.

On this interview episode, Juliette and her guy talk to Fee Waybill, frontman for the band The Tubes. Fee discusses his new rock album "Fee Waybill Rides Again" as well as The Tubes history, relationship with producer David Foster, experiences working on Xanadu and with choreographer Kenny Ortega, and friendship with Richard Marx. This interview originally ran on the Virtual Happy Hour YouTube show.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette welcomes Texas to town, appreciates Alpine Valley Music Theater, visits a rock star petting zoo, follows a trail of empty bottles, penetrates a fortress of blonde bimbos, has a carried-a-watmelon moment, visits Sylvain, picks up a stray in Jackson Square, gets a surprise wave, wonders if she is special, and toasts to friendship.

An interview episode with Jon Anderson from the band YES. Anderson was the author and a major creative influence behind the ground-breaking album Fragile as well as the series of epic hits, including "I've Seen All Good People," "Roundabout," and "Owner Of A Lonely Heart." Jon discusses his musical journey, experiences as a musician in the 60s and 70s, and his new album 1000 Hands. Be sure to listen to the end, when a surprise guest musician joins the conversation. This interview originally ran as part of the Virtual Happy Hour show on YouTube with David the Producer.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette can't escape ghosts, cuts through a prairie, forces a secret, questions an urban legend, understands salt, dismisses a vortex, brings French fries to a ritual, stomps into the thick of it all, smudges negativity, looks up, witnesses volatile transparency, finds an obscene leftover, and takes the long way home.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette can't escape ghosts, cuts through a prairie, forces a secret, questions an urban legend, understands salt, dismisses a vortex, brings French fries to a ritual, stomps into the thick of it all, smudges negativity, looks up, witnesses volatile transparency, finds an obscene leftover, and takes the long way home.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette is sweaty as balls, relates her favorite summer song, spends a summer without virginity, stares down Fabio wannabes, locks eyes with Gunsmoke, is rattled by a blast, sets off puttering, experiences a second time, gets yelly, scatters through a salty cloud, and enjoys a little danger.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette names her rats, experiences her first summer of independence, invites Crazytown to a party, wakes up with houseguests, hears an unsettling secret, tries to empty a menagerie, meets a four-legged fiend, makes a grown-up decision, and receives Blow-Pop advice.

In this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette considers unconventional methods, manages interns, wrongly romanticizes, scratches a blank slate, meets Queen Bee Paige, loses her cool, makes a stupid threat, requests advice from her dad, actually doesn't break the rules, and softens a punch.

In this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette considers unconventional methods, manages interns, wrongly romanticizes, scratches a blank slate, meets Queen Bee Paige, loses her cool, makes a stupid threat, requests advice from her dad, actually doesn't break the rules, and softens a punch.

In this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette marvels at the small world of musicians, contemplates guy bangs, hates a hat, becomes rumor mill fodder, flees an interview, beats herself up, gets perspective from an unexpected source, exposes a shortcoming, and appreciates what she has.

Juliette returns to her everyday bourbon-soaked storytelling, hears bells, makes an unfortunate discovery, handles a gross issue, questions a gurgle, witnesses 150 years of sludge, sends many emojis, finds her guy detained, questions resolve, makes an illogical conclusion, requires gumbo, attempts to catch a criminal, devolves the situation, and reluctantly swims through bourbon water.

A special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 39-50 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis: The mostly true story of a girl trying to reconcile her rock 'n' roll roots with a new reality. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. Juliette's regular bourbon-soaked storytelling will resume on June 7, 2020.

special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 29-38 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis: The mostly true story of a girl trying to reconcile her rock 'n' roll roots with a new reality. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. Juliette's regular bourbon-soaked storytelling will resume on June 7, 2020.

special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 29-38 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis: The mostly true story of a girl trying to reconcile her rock 'n' roll roots with a new reality. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. Juliette's regular bourbon-soaked storytelling will resume on June 7, 2020.

A special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 23-28 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. Juliette's regular bourbon-soaked storytelling will resume on June 7, 2020. This episode is brought to you by Sawyer, a US-based outdoor gear company. Their products include insect repellant, first aid, and water filtration. Get 25% off Sawyer products when you shop at www.sawyersafetravel.com and enter the code TURPOD25 at checkout.

A special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 14-22 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. This episode is brought to you by Sawyer, a US-based outdoor gear company. Their products include insect repellant, first aid, and water filtration. Get 25% off Sawyer products when you shop at www.sawyersafetravel.com and enter the code TURPOD25 at checkout.

A special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 1-13 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. This episode is brought to you by Sawyer, a US-based outdoor gear company. Their products include insect repellant, first aid, and water filtration. Get 25% off Sawyer products when you shop at www.sawyersafetravel.com and enter the code TURPOD25 at checkout.

Juliette takes her top down, specializes in irrational love, attempts to play it cool, gets heads turning, becomes encased in snow, focuses on death, accepts Ollie's Place, meets a moose, is laughed out of a barn, and continues her path… all while drinking Woodford Reserve Distiller's Masterpiece batch proof bourbon. This episode is brought to you by Sawyer, a US-based outdoor gear company. Get 25% off Sawyer products when you shop at SawyerSafeTravel.com and enter the code TURPOD25 at checkout.

Juliette drinks early, burns a bridge, accepts a misleading position, fights an office battle, appreciates a technological failure, is denied a shining moment, delivers a parting gift, and provides payback… all while drinking Knob Creek 12 Year bourbon. This episode of The Unwritable Rant is brought to you by Sawyer, an outdoor gear company specializing in insect repellant, first aid, and sunscreen, and dedicated to bringing clean water to developing countries.